We all know how bad masculinity has impacted women throughout history. But there are plenty of aspects of masculinity that also hurt men too.
Simply put, men, on average, don't feel open to express vulnerability. They feel they have to keep it all inside, or their social world doesn't indicate that it'll accept it when they do.
So the anonymity of the internet can offer a unique opportunity to men. They can share the vulnerable emotions and feelings they often don't get the chance to.
Of course, we know that can take a problematic turn quickly (incels). But a recent Reddit thread showed a more positive, supportive environment.
Redditor __Dawn__Amber__ asked:
"What do men want that they will never admit out loud?"
Many men discussed their social needs. Like all human beings, men just want to be listened to.
Little Things
"Someone to encourage them and make them feel important" -- MR_DINO5AUR
"My wife told me yesterday that she was proud of me and I gave her the biggest, hardest hug I have given her for that, because I really needed to hear that!" -- erobed2
A Basic Necessity
"Just came out of a panic attack and have some new insight that I normally don't have."
"Besides the typical food/water/shelter stuff, companionship/someone to talk to/someone who cares and some sort of purpose."
"I also generally have a hard time accepting help because I don't want to be a burden, but I always want to offer help because I see that as why I am here, to help others. But I guess I need to view accepting help as also helping, because everyone needs the opportunity to help others, so sometimes in order to help I need to play the role of receiving help."
"This got way deeper than I intended, sorry."
-- Lougehrig10
Talk to Each Other
"To be heard."
"Dude, there are moments where I just want to talk...about how the world feels so small, how insecure I feel about myself and my future, how I want to spend a day with a few friends and not think of my shi**y car, how I feel useless, to talk about how I bottle everything in my throat and 'get it out' with a silent scream."
"I have talked about this with a few people, but the constant feeling of failing and not truly speak about it is horrible. My haunting thoughts that one day I will 60 and my dreams will be long gone without being fullfilled."
That Whole, Spiritual Love
"Love, I don't mean relationship love. I mean genuine human love. I don't need money or a 5 course meal, no, just love from a human"
Other men talked about touch. They want warm, comfortable touch. The media illustration of men as harsh, standalone figures couldn't be further from the truth.
Coddling
"I just want to be held like a fu**ing child sometimes. I'm a pretty big guy and I don't really show too much emotion (how I was raised) but sometimes I just wanna be little spoon and cry without being judged for it. I want people to know I'm depressed and not make fun of me for it."
"Sometimes the only way I can imagine life is just "cold" I might have friends etc. but nobody that I can truly talk to. And it sucks. I'm not just some horny breadwinner. I'm a human, I want to be loved, and cared for, as me, not the facade I put around myself."
-- MellowedHigh
Simple Request
"A hug. Just a hug" -- mr-dani
"Yeah, came here to say almost the exact same thing. Men have been trained to not admit that they crave affection, love, etc. (among people my age, I've found)" -- facelesscog
In So Many Words
"To be the little spoon" -- Jaso1555
"I believe that can be easily achieved by simply asking her to be the jetpack. That way, I'm not asking to be the little spoon, I am Rocketman." -- lee24k
And other men discussed the total inverse: they wanted a slice of time to just be themselves with nobody else around.
Time and Space
"I just want a break man" -- Cubsfan630
"The word 'hustle' makes me angry." -- Pigvalve
"Yea man. Every now and then I just want a weekend with the house to myself to play video games and watch movies all day with no responsibilities. Easier said then done as a homeowner with a wife and baby. There's always something that needs to be done." -- Misdirected_Colors
Recharging
"Alone time" -- ourcityofdreams
"Alone time, without the guilt of hurting someone's feelings." -- joeschmoe86
"My girlfriend understands that I need alone time so like twice a week after work or an a weekend day, she'd just leave me alone except maybe ask me where something is or what food I would like. I'm very happy she understands." -- DankMeowMeowMix
Inaccessible Comfort
"A bubble bath." -- BlazinPhoenix
"I don't fit into a regular bath tub due to my height. I'd absolutely love a bubble bath." -- hryfrcnsnnts
Hopefully, this thread was a first step in these guys moving toward more vulnerability in real life.
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