Not everyone is meant for the water. Certain people should just stay far away from a public pool- they're already germy and full of screaming children. The best solution would just be to get their own pool. Or a kiddie pool. Or just a bathtub. Whatever it is, stay away from the community pool.

u/alipoop asked: Lifeguards of Reddit, what's the weirdest thing you've seen someone do in the water?

Are you serious?

We once had a man come into our pool for lane swim. He had all the latest gear, brand new suit, cap and goggles. He got to the edge of the deck and did some arm circles, adjusted his goggles and dove into the pool.

He popped up for a few seconds then promptly started flailing and gasping for breath. A colleague jumped in and pulled him out immediately. We were all really confused until he told us he had never swam before and he thought it came naturally.


Some people will do anything for attention.


Fake drowning by a woman who admitted that she wanted my attention. I wanted to drown her.


UNO Reverse card


You know you can buy oxygen, right?

A lady once had an "asthma attack" so we put her on the oxygen only to find out that her oxy saturation levels were at 100%, turns out she just wanted an oxygen high.


Thank goodness she had that life jacket.


Life guarding was my first job when I was 16.

I watched a little girl around 9-10 years of age dive head first (with a life jacket on) into a kitty pool of about 6 inches.

Needless to say, she smoked her dome and I had to patch up a little cut on her forehead.


We love a witty lifeguard.

Couple having sex in the water -not as fun as you would think though. There's lots of kids around.

We'd yell that "this is a family facility, not a family making facility" and they'd always stop.


Somehow so smart yet so dumb.

On the hottest day of the year when we were short on guards, we paid a guy 5 bucks to s**t in the pool so we could clear it for an hour to clean.


Kids today and their anarchy.


I worked 3 years as a lifeguard for my local community center. Our place was somewhat unique as we both had an indoor pool and water park, complete with water slide and other such things. There were also containers filled with pool toys and other things like life preservers, life vests, and kick boards.

One day, while I was on break, my supervisor comes running into the break room and tells all of us (there were three of us on break) to come help control a situation in the water park area.

Apparently, one of the summer camps' kids had rallied enough kids together and coordinated them into constructing makeshift rafts with all the pool equipment. By the time we made it out on deck, they had already made a motley fleet of boats pieced together with pool noodles, life jackets, and other floating toys.

The issue however was not that they had macgyvered this little fleet, but how the camp had split into factions and begun an all-out naval engagement in the pool. Pool noodles were now being used as makeshift water cannons, and things only escalated from there.

Some of the kids had broken into our supply closet and found our stash of other water toys (super soakers, water balloons, etc.) and came whooping out onto the deck. A few of the kids made armor out of the kick boards and vests and were wielding the boueys we use for water aerobics like clubs. Others had taken the water balloons to the top of the water slide and we're lobbing them off in some crude bid for air superiority. This one girl had taken her camp shirt and tied it to a pool skimmer, waving it like a flag and yelling "FOR THE KING! FOR THE KING!"

It took thirty minutes to regain control of the situation, in which time one of the guards required stitches due to being pistol whipped with a water gun by an overzealous 11 year old.

We never did invite that camp back.


The cycle begins.

I once watched as another guard jumped in then performed a front active rescue. As she pulled the victim up he threw up all over her. Leading her to throw up all over him. And then back and forth. Causing both of them to start drowning. Then I jumped in from the other side did a rear active rescue on my own coworker as another guard saved the original victim.

Awkward day...


That can't be comfortable.

I was a lifeguard at a camp, and this Pentecostal church came to stay (about 500 of them). Even in the pool, the boys would wear slacks and a belt. No shirt, but they'd be wearing their tan slacks, and brown belt. Blew my mind.


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