It seems like a trope of solely fiction that one of the wedding party would be left alone at the altar, jilted and scorned by their lover.
But all fiction is based in truth. So it must have happened at some point in history. And Reddit seems to exist to reassure us that these things happen way more often than we were lead to believe it does.
Some people really have been left at the altar.
Redditor randvoo12 asked:
Did you ever attend a wedding where the bride or groom was left at the altar? or Did it happen to you or someone you know? What happened and How did it affect the abandoned?
Here were some of those stories.
Everybody BUT The Bride And Groom
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"Does it count if the wedding party was left at the altar?"
"I didn't know the full story of this one until afterwards, I was merely attending due to family obligation, being a teenager at the time. I already knew something up when my Mom grumpily told me we had to go to a wedding and that it was in two weeks. My Mom is the consummate scheduler - there's no way she wouldn't have told me about a wedding months in advance unless it was also a surprise to her."
"It's a Wednesday evening after school mind you, and the ambiance is just weird. No one is talking, no one is happy. The bridesmaids and groomsmen are all in nice-looking but clearly unmatched dresses and suits and looking around nervously. I don't know anyone, but my Mom worked with this girl for a few years and said something about showing up to support 'the bride and no one else.' I didn't really get this at the time, being 12-13. The only thing that really seems off to me is how young everyone in the wedding party looks, like, Vincent Adultman young. I go in with Mom, we sit on the bride's side. And wait."
"And wait."
"And wait."
"This is before cell phones were popular, so everyone is just kinda murmuring, until finally someone runs in with a letter addressed to the both sets of parents of the bride and groom. I can't see much but I heard the opening of the envelopes followed by one of the Dad's yelling out 'god DAMN it,' making the pastor/father/preacher of whatever run down c-team off-brand Christian church we were in go bright red. The dad proceeded to tell everyone the wedding was 'off' and to 'go home.'"
"Found out from Mom much later that the Bride and Groom were being forced to get married after the parents caught them having sex. Now, it's already ridiculous to do this in any situation, but there wasn't even a pregnancy involved, both of these people were 19, and it was the 90's. The bridesmaids were all pulled from bride's sisters/female cousins, and groomsmen were groom's brothers/male cousins. No friends, nothing, just forced matrimony straight up."
"Apparently the letter said the effects of "Dear Mom and Dad, screw you from the children you'll never see ever again."
"They ran off to a different state together to start over. Last I heard they're in their early 40's now, and actually married with kids, and still haven't spoken to their parents since that day."
- DigitalPriest
No One To Tell Her Story
"My great great aunt (before I was born, obviously) was stood up at the altar."
"We found out when my mother asked her grandmother to help her make a family tree. So great grandma started listing all of her 12 brothers and sisters, but accidentally named a 13th sister, then gasped, then made my mother swear she'd never tell anyone else in the family."
"She was stood up at the altar, and soon after committed suicide. Since the family was extremely religious, she wasn't allowed to be buried in the church cemetery, and her name was erased from the family bible. Her memory was wiped from the face of the earth."
KithAndAkin
Can't Fix A Broken Jerk
"In high school one of my friends, Sheri, got pregnant. It was a sort of shotgun wedding. Her parents found out that she was pregnant because they didn't care about privacy or personal space. I actually found out from my mom when i got home from school one day because Sheri's mom told my mom at the grocery store."
"Well, Sheri's parents were Christian and insisted that they get married. So the day of the wedding comes, she's about to walk down the aisle with her dad when the grooms cousin that was also our age comes up and says "Sheri, i gotta say something really important. Can i borrow you for a moment." Of course her dad is angry at the rudeness here, but Sheri goes to talk to him anyway. It turned out that the groom was supposed to be wearing a condom, but took it off at the last second without telling her."
"He had done this with another girl too, and then both times bragged about it to his friends. Sheri believed it 100%, and given the guys character, it's not surprising. She didn't go back to her dad to walk down the aisle, she just got in her car and left... 20 or so minutes later she called the church and had them put her mom on the phone and told her what happened and that there was no way she would marry him even if it means her parents kick her out of their house."
- lovablelikeadraugr
The Awkwardness
"Officiant here. Definitely have had this happen. It is usually pretty awful, and confusing. And it is, in most situations, (except of course same-sex couples) the groom. I've only ever seen the bride skip out on tv."
"The party usually waits 10-15 minutes after the designated start time. Then there's an awkward moment, and usually someone gets a call or text, or is sent to deliver the bad news. This generally results in tears, and statements of, "I knew it!" Some folks shuffle the bride off, and then usually Dad or senior member of the family makes an awkward statement."
"If there was a reception with a meal planned, folks are either invited to stay and eat or the food is sent to a shelter."
"And that's really about it."
- User Deleted
Emotional Distress
"My husband and I weren't actually at this wedding (for mutual acquaintances), but a lot of our other friends knew the couple better and had been invited. Coincidentally, we were getting together that evening with some of the friends who were going to the wedding, and that's who we heard the first-hand account from."
"Bride and groom stood up in front of the priest to say vows, and groom hesitated. After an awkward pause, he turned away from the bride he'd been facing, said in a low voice, "I just can't do this. I'm sorry." The best man took him by the arm and led him out. The bride was too stunned to say anything, but then her bridesmaids led her away."
"There were some kind of meetings in the back of the church and in the bride's room, and the priest came back and announced that the wedding was being canceled. The bride's father tore a program in half and announced angrily that anyone who wanted to partake of the reception was welcome to, since it was paid for."
"Strangely, although the couple never did get married, they actually remained friends. How the bride did it, I'll never know. A little more than a year later, the former groom died of a genetic heart condition while traveling overseas. A couple years after that, the former bride went to a sperm bank and had a child and has raised her as a single parent."
- MinimalistFan
Not For His Own Sake
"A distant cousin of mine had a panic attack."
"As the bride was approaching I could see his eyes bulging, he was sweating profusely, and when the priest started speaking he begun to shake violently, holding his head down, and then he just walked out. The ceremony did not resume."
"He had a history of panic attacks, and it was so sad to watch. He confessed later on (after the divorce 3 months later) that he was just getting married to make his parents happy, and he wasn't sure at all that that's what he wanted"
hateful_liam
Crazy Person
"Actually the best. My ex, about 10 years ago. We split, she was fiery. She went to Montreal on a work trip, came back with a fiancee. Him and I grew close, a lot of similarities, and straight up, I was done with her and he was great. Drinking buddy, weed buddy. If see her half often, but never too long."
"The wedding rolls around, and I knew inside that she was going to bail. I gave him warning. He legit took the mic and invited everyone to get drunk."
"I'm happy to say he met a lady at his own wedding that night. Krista kind of lost her mind when she found out he was good."
"She messaged him for a year looking for alimony type payments, but he's a lawyer(now, school then). So no."
- ihate_your_face
Not Undeserved
"Happened to a guy at a company I worked at about 9 years ago. He and his fiance went up to the altar and she had requested a projector to show some of their times together, pictures, etc. He went along with it, only for her to have organised a video of him cheating on her to play instead. Full nudity. She walked away from the altar, refunded his portion of the honeymoon, and went by herself."
"Honestly, from what I heard, it was brutal on the guy. The women he cheated on her with was in the audience, too, and was part of the company as his manager. They were both made to resign, as office romances between a manager and their subordinates were not allowed unless the promotion happened while they were seeing each other."
JimmyL2014
The Worst Luck
"From what I know, my great-uncle, so my maternal grandfather's brother, left his designated bride at the altar. The great-uncle, let's call him George, served in WW2 and lived a lavish bachelor style life, were talking high society parties, expensive trips, even a minor scandal or two involved with some married women... It was around 1964, and he was my grandfather's older brother. Great-grandfather was concerned who will run the estate after he's gone, so he decided to take matters in his own hands and find him a wife."
"My great-grandmother and her sister were tasked and they found a suitable girl from the right family, let's call her Emma. So Emma and George were introduced at a garden party and my great-grandpa basically told him he's marrying Emma and George was super pissed."
"The wedding day came, my grandpa was an usher (this means he escorted his mother and his youngest sister in the church) and he saw everyone looking pristine and perfect, but the groom wasn't anywhere to be seen. George came piss drunk and couldn't stand. When Emma came, he puked right at the priest's feet and left the church, passing right by Emma. He got into his car and that was the last time my grandfather saw him, because he crashed into a tree drunk. Emma later married someone and lived a happy normal life, from what I've heard she wasn't even shaken by George's death."
"Grandpa, on the other hand, is still mourning his brother, 50+ years later. Everything fell on him and whenever he retells what happened to George, he tears up."
-DrunkWonderWoman
Ruined By Greed
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"I did not experience this one but read it in a newspaper. In India, there's a custom in some states called the dowry system. Bride's father gives cash and expensive gifts to the groom and his parents for marrying his daughter. It started off as voluntary gifts but now people force the brides' side to pay up money. I know. I have four sister-in-laws wed this way. In the society, rebelling against parents or customs is akin to committing social and financial suicide. Still, a courageous girl refused to marry because the groom's father was being too greedy and was asking for more than what her father could afford. When I read it, I cried. I had seen so many families ruined because of this custom."
- Mybaresoul
Chaos...
"This kind of counts? My GF went to her brothers friends wedding. GF's brother's wife (wow that's a mouthful) gave the groom and groomsmen alcohol BEFORE the wedding for gifts... yup they drank it all. Now we have a bunch of drunk grown men up on the altar with the groom about to get married when the groom's parents (divorced, not civil either) start fighting."
"Chaos erupts as they start fighting, their dates start fighting and the rest of the family start fighting. Perplexed pastor looks upon the fight as the cops show up and one of the groomsmen says 'Egh, it's ok, this happens all the time.' Pastor refused to marry them and the wedding was called off. They got married later on but I don't know how they fared."
WS6Legacy
Big Problems
"So my brother was sort of left at the alter. They had gotten pregnant while in their senior year of high school. My brother wanted to do the right thing, so he asked her to marry him. The night before the wedding, she told him she didn't want to go through with it anymore. Sometime during the next six months she got involved with another older man, and married him. Her mother died and she had the baby pretty quickly after that."
"Then she asked my brother to give up parental rights to the baby so that her new husband could adopt him. The bottom line is it messed with my brother a lot. He's never really had a good relationship since. Never had one that lasted a long time. He spent a lot of time regretting giving up rights to the kid. Made a lot of bad choices including drug use, stealing cars, and alcoholism."
"It's been a long twenty years since all that happened. In the last year he did get involved with someone. Asked her and her daughter to move in with him, and then six months into it she said she was going to marry her child's father. And so she left him and took his savings with her. He had another sort of downward spiral after that."
"But he did get into rehab, he has been sober for several months now, and he is living with his mom for now. But he got a new job, and he seems to be a lot happier than I have seen him in ages. I am hoping this time things work out for him."
Evelyn_Black
Sorry Jezebel
Bette Davis Jezebel GIF by Turner Classic Movies
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"I saw a close friend of mine's dad get left at the altar. It was so disturbing because the father turned out to be having an affair with the brides sister who at the time was 6-months pregnant with the fathers kid. I personally wanted to punch the douche in his face. F**k you Steven, and I am so, so sorry for you Jezebel."
ascension111
On the Way
"Buddy was getting married and was killed by a drunk driver on the way to the church."
butterfaceloser
"This happened to a friend of mine. I feel super bad for her, that’s something you can never get over."
TheMoonMaster
"Hey Mom, whose Eddie?"
"I was rummaging in a cabinet at my grandparents home when I was about 12 years old and found a stack of napkins. They were embossed in gold with the names of my mom and a man, a date, and wedding bells. So of course I bust right out with 'Hey Mom, whose Eddie?' The look that came over her face kind of said it all. She told me the whole sad story right then and there."
"She'd been left, not at the alter, but a few days before. I was horrified for her, but also immediately comprehended that I probably wouldn't exist had he not done this, and that sometimes bad things happen for a reason. I've never mentioned it to her or anyone again until now. I have wondered why the damn napkins were kept."
writersfolly
Hurry Up
"I was once at a wedding where the groom was almost late to the altar and the groomsman were late. In Serbian tradition, the groom's family and friends meet at the home of the groom's parents for a pre-wedding party. In this case, the house was about 30 miles from the church. For those in the Chicago area, the house was in Palos Heights and the church in Gurnee."
"The groom left barely in time to get there. I left shortly afterwards. The groomsman left later but I saw them on I294 going about 120mph to get to the church on time. Groom chewed them out afterwards since he told them to leave when he did."
teufelinderflasche
Taking the Hit
"Never actually got to the wedding. About a month out the groom pulled out and ended things. Too late to get any deposits back, so they basically just canceled everything and took the hit. They didn’t cancel the honeymoon though; bride and her maid of honour went on the round-the-world trip instead. The groom in question basically skipped town and is now persona non grata amongst her family and their friends."
"I had a high opinion of the guy before that but honestly don’t know what I’d say to him if he came back now. I mean, at least he didn’t leave her at the altar, but I feel like this is worse? At least when you leave someone at the altar it saves you the trouble of explaining what happened to your guests."
BrainstormsBriefcase
The Drop Off
Dinner Party Dancing GIF
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"Not bride or groom but my BIL's family didn't show up until after the ceremony to drop off their share of the potluck, mingle for a bit and eat before taking off. I don't think they approved of the fact that it was a small, non traditional wedding held at a friend's house. Plus my sister is white."
221CBakerStreet
Oh well...
"I went to one, and both did not show up. We waited for an hour. Then they sent us to the hotel for food, some people took the gifts back."
Talk about unhappily ever after.
Do you have similar experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
south park wedding GIF
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
homer simpson episode 23 GIF
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
Disney World GIF
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.