Heterosexuals Share Questions They've Always Wanted To Ask The LGBTQ+ Community

Heterosexuals Share Questions They've Always Wanted To Ask The LGBTQ+ Community

The straights and the gays are starting to coexist peacefully throughout society. The past two decades have seen landmark changes for LGBTQ+ people worldwide. While some countries certainly are behind the curve, the global conversation surrounding LGBTQ+ people is changing.

With that marked difference in the way we go about everyday life, questions are bound to come up. And where the straights have questions, us LGBTQ+ folks certainly have answers.

u/That_one_weirdo69 asked:

Heterosexuals of Reddit, what is a question you have for the LGBTQ+ community?

Here were some of those discussions.

Adopted Language?

I am a healthcare provider and when going through your social history if you are married or in a long-term relationship and you tell me you have a "partner" is that for my comfort or do you really prefer referring to them as your partner?


Lots of people where I live are adopting this wording as well so you really don't know whether or not they're gay, straight, married, or just together. I think it's a lovely umbrella term and helps with people being more accepting of all types of relationships just by not immediately jumping to any conclusions about the couple.


Can't Always Get What You Want

For those who were questioning or came out in close relationships: what kind of support did you need/look for? (Edit to expound from just romantic, to any close relationships)


When I (m) came out as bi to my college girlfriend, I made sure to tell her that I was happy in our relationship, didn't want to experiment while I was in a relationship with her, and that I just wanted her to know everything about me.

She cried for a week. So, don't do that.

Spoiler alert: she came out as a lesbian five years later and is now married to a woman.

EDIT: I suppose I should mention that she was the first person I came out to, so I wasn't necessarily "keeping" my bisexuality from her; I just hadn't come to terms with it yet.


Your Person Comes First

Do some bisexuals who want to have kids tend to favor relationships with the opposite sex because it makes it just so much easier?


I am a bisexual man and would like to have kids someday. I've seriously dated both men and women, but I just happened to find "my person" in my fiance who is a gay man. I guess I'd rather spend my life with him and adopt children than get hung up on needing biological children with a woman.

Passing down my crooked teeth gene and a family history of depression probably wouldn't do my kids service, anyway!


These questions serve to close the gap between people.

Coming Out Is Hard To Do

At work I am in a position where people under me sometimes tell me deeply personal things. Not a counselor or HR. Sometimes they may not directly report to me but I've mentored them in some way so they still come to me.

If a person comes out to me as gay or trans I straight up don't care - in the sense that if I'm not sleeping with you your sexual life/identity is none of my business and it doesn't affect my opinion of or relationship with you.

But I can tell when someone tells me about themselves that it's often a big deal to them to say it.

I definitely sometimes get the feeling they're afraid they might be judged. So what's a correct way for me to respond? I don't want to give the impression that I don't care about them as a human being, it's just that ... dude, I don't care.


I've always responded with "Thank you for trusting me enough to share that with me," and it seems to be well received. It acknowledges that it's a big deal to say it out loud and that they're vulnerable in that moment.


Tee Hee

I'd like to ask the other LGBTQ+ people when they received their copy of the gay agenda and when I can expect to receive mine.


If you came out between July 2019 and now, it was delayed due to COVID. You typically get your copy in the first Pride after you come out, but the planning meeting for last year got canceled because of the pandemic, so there isn't an agenda for this year



Trans men: my brother recently came out as trans.

Having thought of him most of my life as my sister and not my brother obviously required a shift in thinking on my part. I was his best man when he was still figuring himself out and identified as a gay woman and married his female partner of 10 years, which I was honored to do.

I love and respect him and we've gotten pretty close over the past decade or so, but I wasn't sure how to talk at first. Not really sure what to do I started addressing him the way I would any of my other guy friends, for example I'll text him a video I know he'll like with a "Dude, check this out" or check up with a "Hey man, how's things?"

Am I doing it right? I want to make sure I respect his identity but I don't want that sense of family connection to be lost either.


I agree that you're doing it right, but one small thing you can also do is just ask him what he would prefer. He's still your sibling, and I'm sensing you guys have a positive relationship, so it's okay to outright ask him how he would prefer you to talk to him. It may be as simple as just changing pronouns, without trying to "bro it up" just for his sake. Communication is key.

Make sure you guys are on the same page and you'll be fine. If he were a coworker or friend or acquaintance, I would steer away from outright asking, but for close friends and family, sometimes it's best to just be honest, open, and vulnerable with the people you trust. Find out what he is looking for or feels comfortable with, and go from there.


Mom's Support

My 13 son has confided in me that he is attracted to other boys. He has his first semi real partner. I say semi real because he is 13, not because of the gender of the partner.

His mother is not a part of his life. After all the back story, my question is what can I do to help him and how can I be the most supportive? I have reassured and validated him.

I have also told him how much I love him regardless of anything. I have made sure to explain to him that he is amazing and there is nothing wrong with the way he feels. Thanks in advance everyone.


Try to learn more about lgbt+ and the issues they face. You don't have to treat your son differently, but arming yourself with knowledge can help you find advice for issues that might lie ahead, and what things to look out for that you might not have thought about.

Don't let friends or partners use gay as an insult. Or lean on gay stereotypes. Show that you're willing to support your son and tell off those who would perpetuate behavior that is actively hurtful to lgbt+ people.

Learning more about lgbt in your area and in general can only help you in learning how to support your son going forward.


We learn more about each other through curiosity, so these questions are necessary.


If a bi person ends up with a straight person is that looked down upon in the community?

I'm a female and I've dated bi guys before but I'm completely straight and I've had a couple of people tell me that that's wrong of me that only two bi people can date, and that me being straight means that I'm stealing away someone from the LGBTQ+ community.


okay first of all whoever told you only two bi people can date is definitely wrong lmao

But to your main point, bi people in straight relationships can be looked down on by the community, yeah. That's biphobia. It's fairly common, unfortunately, and comes from a place of ignorance, since someone being in a heterosexual relationship doesn't make the person any less bi. It's kind of the whole idea that they like both.


Checking In On Language

As a straight person, am I allowed to use the "Q" word? I grew up in the 80s and it was considered a slur, as bad as the F word, and for that reason I feel weird using it.

But it seems like it's been reclaimed and is an umbrella term, as someone said on the thread already. Should I use it in that sense as well to respect someone's term for themselves, or is it is a word straights should still consider off-limits? Thank you!


I'm queer and I would personally say it's fine is that person refers to themselves as queer. I know some older LGBTQ+ people don't like being referred to as queer because they grew up with it as a slur, so I would just use that word if that's how they refer themselves.


A Question Of Conduct

How would you feel about straight friends going with you to something like pride? I had a friend who had recently come out, and they very much so didn't want us to come (we'd already had plans to go with different friends) because they thought we (the two straight friends) would be intruding.

We just wanted to go, have a good time, and support our friends. But the newly out friend was very much against it, so we ended up just not going (even though we would have been with a different group.)

It just made me feel kind of sh*tty, but I also don't want to going into someone's safe space. As an ally, am I intruding? I don't want to over step.


It depends. Some friends, it's fine. Others, quite frankly I don't want to be tour guides. If you can have fun at Pride on your own, go ahead, but I don't want to be a chaperone.

Maybe your friend wants to go check out the leather building, or a booth for a nudist camp, or look for sexy clothing, or try to hook up. You might just be cramping their style. Particularly if you have to travel for it. Give them the chance to get drunk and hook up, instead of feeling like they have to hang out with you all day.


It's inspiring to see straight people asking how to handle themselves in queer spaces.

What are some questions you straights have for us LGBTQ+ folks?

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