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Swarms of married people took to Reddit and responded to user SolidFlow's question:
Married people of Reddit, what are the little things that keep your marriage healthy?
They responded with the best advice they'd discovered in their relationships.
Gut Check, Bro
We both agreed that whenever we start to have an argument to do a "gut check", i.e. check if either one of us is hungry. If so, end the argument immediately, eat something, and wait half an hour to see if we want to resume arguing.
We now argue about twice a year. SsurebreC
Sometimes The Simplest is the Best
I'm one of those people that absolutely suck at knowing what to say when trying to comfort someone and I'll always wind up saying something that just makes it worse...I think the best relationship advice I have ever received is that you don't have to always verbally comfort them and you can still let them know you care by just being there - holding their hand or just sitting with them while they're sad.
This saves me many times. Richard_james2
The Big Becomes Small and The Small Become Large
I heard some other redditor say it not me but he said marriage is when the little things become big things and the big things become little things. example:
Me: "Babe I lost my job."
Her: "It's okay we will make it through this."
things are going well:
Her: "YOU DIDN'T DO YOUR DISHES AFTER EATING SPAGHETTI I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU AND YOUR MOTHER FOR NOT TEACHING YOU BASIC INDEPENDENCE!"
My wife and I have also found what you said to be true. Sometimes we say, "I think you are hungry/stressed/tired."
Usually, it ends with..."I am not hungry/stressed/tired." and I'll make her a meal and she says...yea I was hungry.
It really makes things easier for both sides to just call the other person out. Nimbleturtles
Dating Life Never Ends
Just because you're married doesn't mean you're not dating anymore. soulreaverdan
PopKey
The Husband Always Rings Twice
My parents used to do this thing where the person that comes late would ring the doorbell instead of opening the door with their key. The idea being the person that was home would stop what they were doing and come say welcome home kind of thing. When I was little I thought it was so dumb like use your f***ing key. But i get it now. Both my parents tend to get wrapped up in their business when they come home so the doorbell is a nice reminder that there's someone else that needs a little bit of attention when they come home. sc00bysnaks
Give Up The Big Half...
This is going to sound strange but: each of you give your partner the "big half." Salt-Pile
...Also Known As The 60/40 Rule
My mom calls this the 60/40 rule. Give 60, expect 40. If both partners stick to this, everyone wins. My parents have been married for 25 years and are the literal definition of relationship goals. asleepunderthebridge
Complacency Breeds Failure
It doesn't have to fade over time. My husband and I have been together for 15 years and we always thank the other for making dinner/doing chores etc. Mainly because we don't have expectations of who 'should' be doing it (completely get that you are taking on the burden while your wife is at school). I've seen people argue that if you thank your partner then it says that they have done your job which can set a bad precedent. Personally, we don't subscribe to that. S*** has to get done so if my husband has already done it, that means I don't have to, and vice versa. Combined with the 60/40 split others have mentioned (we'll each try to do specific chores the other doesn't like, even if we don't like them ourselves) makes for a contented relationship in our experience.
What I'm saying is, try not to get complacent once the newly-wed phase wears off. If you appreciate your partner, tell them. phrenologyheadbump
Start By Saying Sorry
Don't be afraid to admit fault and don't make excuses. If you hurt them, even if you didn't mean to, apologise.
Source
Stay On Target
...If you're arguing, stay on the point, don't raise your voice, don't be mean. Learn what one or two things are important to you and don't budge on those. Compromise on everything else. Tounyoubyo-Kareshi
Let It Go
Just letting things go. Seriously. Don't argue about every little thing that pisses you off. FlakeyGurl
Who's Keeping Score?
I learned that pretty early on in my marriage. I was very unhappy around the 2 year mark. Then I realized I was keeping score on every little thing. It wasn't worth it and it wasn't fair to her.
So I stopped keeping score and now we're pretty damn happy. ToxicOffshoot
It's Us vs. The World
We're also open with each other and tackle problems as a team. Neither of us ever set out to "win" an argument. It's always us Vs the issue. We never go to bed angry if we do argue and to be honest that's rare. delibertine
Be Sure To Schedule Your Cuddles
He has an alarm that goes off at 9:15 every night that he calls his "bumbledaisy" alarm. He stops whatever he is doing, sings a little song and then asks me if he can do anything for me. Most of the time I just want a hug and a kiss. bumbledaisy
Source
I Think You Can, I Think You Can...
This is a big one for me - whenever my wife talks about me in front of other people she always, always says the absolute best things about me, even though I give her plenty to complain about. She even does it when I'm not around since friends mention my wife said this or that. All of our friends think I'm a rockstar husband and father and I think this is largely due to me fitting the role she made for me. She wins me respect from others just by speaking good things about me. sonofespresso
Bro, Do You Even Lift?
We also powerlift together. He spots me, I spot him. We cheer each other on and help each other reach goals. The encouragement goes outside the gym and really makes us a solid team. He's truly my best buddy. sauerpatchkid
Ask "Who's #1?"
We are each other's #1 priority. All the time. No exceptions. Does that rule every interaction and impact anything on most days? Nope. But when we need it to, it is an automatic trump card.
"Hey, that guy at your work makes me uncomfortable. Can you not have lunch alone with him anymore?" Done.
"Hey, I know work is busy this week, but I am nervous for my doctor's appointment. Can you come?" Done.
"When we visit your family, I get a little overwhelmed. Can we have lunch, just the 2 of us, to get some breathing room?" Done.
"The baby is driving me crazy. Can you take her so I can take a bath/watch the game/get a nap/just breathe?" Done.
These situations are actually pretty rare, but to know someone will 100% support you means all the difference in the world. wittyish
Source
Crack A Smile
Being able to take the piss out of each other.Being able to argue and let it go.Arguing and then cracking a joke almost instantly afterwards and returning to normal. Rikolas
Ignore That Inner Voice
Don't engage in the "my spouse is terrible because" conversations. That can start an internal dialogue it's hard to back away from. PolybiusChampion
Sometimes, Sleep Is Best
We go to bed mad. Usually wake up not mad anymore. Staying up to fight when you're tired and not feeling the love isn't productive. If you're still mad in the morning, you can talk then. katgib13
Source
Put That Phone Down
We are religiously committed to having a date night every week. Nothing extravagant ever really. We have a rule that were not allowed to use our phones during the date unless its to show the other something funny or cool we saw on the internet earlier. cheyras
Find a Reason To WalkWe walk our dog together every day. It sounds dumb, but just talking for 20 minutes about nothing is nice. thirteenthfox2
No One Wins When You Both Lose
Above all else be focused on solving the issue and not on whos fault it is or "winning". If you go into every relationship interaction with the focus of "winning", the only one who will be winning is your divorce lawyer. theCroc
And, the final, most straightforward piece of advice you can get...
Touch The Butt
"Thank you", "I love you", and touching each other's butt. Works for us. Eliana45
Source
H/T: Reddit
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.