Not everyone wins the parent lottery.
It's a hard road when you have parents who don't support you or are openly hostile to you.
And the nonsense and cruelty can be subtle.
Sometimes it's the subtlety that's worse.
Redditor snoofle-science wanted to discuss the ways we can all tell how others we're brought up by people who maybe should've rethought breeding. They asked:
"What is a sign you grew up with shi**y parents?"
I got lucky with my parent but I feel others who got the opposite.
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"You are in your 40s and still crave attention and validation from anyone at all because you were ignored all the time."
"Even at 31, feeling like if I get close to anyone they'll find a way to take advantage of me."
"I’m not even sure my parents are wholly to blame there, they taught me love is kinda conditionally based on being a success and family means never being comfortable directly opening up. And that truly dealing with things is best done by ignoring or shouting about them. It was other folks who took advantage."
I want nothing...
"The last time I got new tires, my mom made me let her pay for them for me because I didn't have a job and she doesn't want me spending money. Within an hour after, she was already using it as leverage like a, 'I did this for you, now do this for me!' kind of thing. My dad let me reimburse them without her knowing, but still. My parents have caused me to not be comfortable with accepting anything from anyone anymore. Not even a Christmas gift from a close friend."
"Not being able to recognize affection or how to show it healthily."
"Affection gives me panic attacks. I know I'm going to get in deep crap because they're going to follow up with 'since I'm so loving you need to do X' with X being something i know I don't want to do. Haven't lived at home in decades but I still don't trust when people are being genuinely kind and loving. I know the other shoe is going to drop with a whole foot in it."
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"You feel intimidated by everyone around you, you feel like you're never good enough for anyone, no matter how much they tell you that you don't need to try so hard, and you generally have low self-worth."
Some childhoods really are a tragedy.
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"Being surprised people will apologize and want to talk out and deal with an issue instead of screaming and pretending everything is fine and never mentioning why there was a fight or argument at all."
"You remember being severely neglected yet you were told 'you are spoiled.'"
"Lots of these hit close to home, but this one hits closest. Especially because my parents use money as a way of trying to keep me around for narcissistic supply."
"'Oh, they're such nice people, look at all they do for you!' Literally all I want in life right now is to not have to depend on them, I'd give every penny I have to not have to spend time with them and just constantly keep my mouth shut about my childhood abuse."
"I once had one of my good friends tell me about how his dad never hugged him or said he loved him and this fantasy he had about his dad holding is head in his hands and telling him he loves him. I promised myself I would do everything I can to make sure my kids feel loved and are used to affection. And it's clear they crave it."
"When you really don’t remember any good times you spent with them."
"My family was mad when I didn't attend my grandfather's funeral last year. I thought about it for a minute... then realized I could not come up with a single positive memory of him or anything nice he ever said to me in my life (I'm 44)."
"I could, however, come up with a very long list of really shi**y things he did and said. So I realized, why would I want to go? Don't want to see anyone else that will be attending anyhow so, nope. I am an adult and I don't have to so I didn't and I am glad for my choice."
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"You don't talk to them anymore or want them in your life otherwise as an adult (e.g., not inviting them to your wedding, or want them around any potential children you may have)."
"They told me the wrong date was my birthday. Didn't find out until my sixteenth birthday going for my driver's licence. Couldn't be bothered with getting it right, real nice of them."
"This exact same thing happened to me! 15+ years later and I still have to think about which day is actually my birthday."
"Never believing a compliment. Always being anxious that people are mad at you/ignoring you if they're being quiet/not responding. Not being able to deal with confrontation/conflict in a constructive/healthy way. Basically you get crappy people skills and emotional damage."
"Anxious attachments carry into our adult relationships (platonic, romantic, professional, etc.) and there’s so much we can learn about ourselves and how to cope by better understanding our attachment styles. Took me too long to learn that it’s not normal to feel panic at intrusive, irrational thoughts about your loved ones all hating you or something."
"Panicking at the sound of your own name being called."
"I'm 37 now. It still chills my blood and makes me go into a silent panic when someone does this. Bonus points if they use your full name and surname. Nicknames I use, does not seem to have this effect on me."
"That's not normal"
"When you are telling a story which you think is a funny story from your childhood, only for someone to turn around and tell you 'That's not normal.' If you've grown up in a very dysfunctional household, then not only is your norm set at a very messed up bar, but things that would be horrifying to others might be funny to you because of where your norm was set at. Examples of this can include 'funny stories' that actually featured a lot of violent or neglect."
"Scarfing down your food because you might not get any for a while."
"Or not showing a preference for hot or cold food. Lot of days when mom would make a pot of food, get messed up for three days and not cook again so I had to just keep eating it. Makes you more resistant to food poisoning too because I basically always had it."
"Well. Your step dad could break your pinkie when you were a kid, trying to get him and my mom to stop fighting. And that pinkie could be bent all these years later. Because he took you to the school nurse (who he did meth with.) And she just gave you a pain killer and tried to yank it in place and then gave you a splint. That might be a sign."
"My dad was yelling at me once and I couldn't take it so I made a snappy comment back. Instinctively I threw my hands up to block the blow I knew was coming. But then they both tried to convince me that my dad has never hit me before and why would I act like that... so physically abusive and mentally abusive with gas lighting."
People really should have to be licensed to become parents.
Romantic relationships have evolved considerably over the course of time.
Today, more and more couples who are otherwise committed to one another, in marriage or in word, have "open" relationships, where they are permitted to see other people on the side.
Also, many people are open about being in polyamorous relationships, where they might be equally committed and loving to more than one person.
Which isn't to say, however, that monogamous relationships are a thing of the past.
As many people continue to commit, body and soul, to one person and one person only.
And should one half of that couple break that commitment, it could be the effective end of that relationship.
"Monogamous Redditors: is infidelity an automatic break-up for you? why?"
Yes: What Else Are They Hiding?
"My ex-wife and high school sweetheart cheated after 3 years of marriage."
"My thoughts were summed up best by Nietzsche:"
"'I'm not upset that you lied to me'."
"I'm upset that from now on, I can't believe you'."- link_up_luke
Yes: We Had An Agreement
"If you’ve agreed on monogamy and someone cheats, it’s a violation of trust and without trust in a relationship, you have nothing."
"My relationship motto is, 'if you can be stolen, they can have you'.”- MermaidandtheKraken
Yes: I Deserve Better
"Yes, is a violation of trust, and shows lack of love and respect."- Ketosheep
"It’s a massive violation of trust and complete destruction of the idea of mutual respect."- razzledazzle626
Yes: You Never Recover From The Betrayal
"Yeah, the jealousy fades fairly quick but it's the breach of trust that gets to you."
"I was able to piece together a string of lies leading back months, finding out two different friend groups knew two different stories, etc."
"After that it's hard to even look at the person without seeing a sociopath."- Thatsaclevername
"I've been cheated on, and the pain of the betrayal is the harshest I've ever felt."
"It's completely destroyed my ability to trust anyone."- otter_dragon
Yes: They Know What They're Doing
"Cheating isn’t an accident."
"It’s a choice."
"It takes effort."
"I’d never be able to trust my partner again even if I wanted to."- A_Salty_Moon
Yes: Fidelity Is A Two Way Street
"It might take me a bit to really accept it, but I refuse to give my loyalty to someone who doesn't return it."- Trashsodaz
Yes: It Only Gets Worse
"I let it happen twice."
"We broke up the second time."
"She begged me back after 4 months and 6 months later she’s being devious and shady."
"I’ll never be able to trust her."
"I wouldn’t let it happen again."
"It’s the worst feeling imaginable."- Myke_Dubs
Yes: There's Nothing Worse
"It couldn't ever go back to being a nice, loving, trusting relationship again."
"I'd be way too paranoid and ultimately, what's the point in trying to force it?"
"Cheating is the ultimate betrayal, it's a no go for me."- bigf*ckingdiamond
If people agree on an open, non-monogamous relationship, that is their decision and not for us to judge.
But people who enter into a monogamous relationship have made an agreement to commit to one another, and no one else.
And when people can't keep one agreement, it becomes hard not to wonder what other agreements they might have broken as well.
The mark of a good piece of fiction is when one feels as if they actually know the characters.
Be it a film, television series or novel, there are some beloved characters we wish were actually our friends in real life, or whom we feel as if we've actually known all our lives.
As a result, when one of these characters dies, we sometimes feel as if we've actually lost a loved one.
Sometimes finding ourselves in a state of literal grieving.
"What fictional character's death still hits you hard no matter how many times you watch it?"
Dear, Noble Artax
"I have to say the death of Artax, the boy's horse, in 'The Neverending Story'."
"Watching him sink into that swamp was pretty awful."- powderkegpitbull
Bubba of Forest Gump
"'Bubba was my best good friend'."
"'And even I know that ain't something you can find just around the corner'."
"'Bubba was going to be a shrimping boat captain, but instead, he died right there by that river in Vietnam'."- FlyingVI
Stoick The Vast
"Stoick the Vast, chief of Berk, Hiccup's father, from 'How to Train Your Dragon'."- Waldo_007how to train your dragon animation GIF by Universal KidsGiphy
The Iron Giant
"The Iron Giant."- roo719
Noble Canine Companion
"Fry’s dog from Futurama."
"Another testimony to the fact that animators can be true storytellers, who don’t always need words to get their point across."
"The changing of seasons as the dog sits and waits in front of the pizza shop."
"Waits and waits for Fry, who never returns."
"Just the absence of the dog, eventually."
"Gut wrenching."- iwokwuplikwthisAnimated GIFGiphy
"The little girl from Pan's Labyrinth."
"In fact I just started crying even thinking about it"- choppcy088
Beloved Dr. Greene
"Mark Greene on ER."
"20 years later and I've never watched that episode without bawling like a baby."- LadyGreyIcedTea
A Hero's Death
"Wally West in 'Young Justice'."
"It’s been about a decade and I’m still mad about it."- Remarkable-Duck-2306Video Game Laughing GIF by DCGiphy
A Heartbreaking Escape
"When Brooks hangs himself in 'The Shawshank Redemption'."- Horror-School-6713
As the saying goes, those we love never truly leave us.
In the case of fictional characters in film and television, however, they are literally preserved for eternity.
Paving the way for new generations to be devastated and traumatized by their deaths.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
There are few people we should feel more comfortable putting our faith and trust in than doctors.
After all, we go to them to make sure we are still healthy, or when we are worried that something is wrong, and want their opinion.
However, being human, doctors can make mistakes just like the rest of us.
Sometimes missing details which even the most experienced doctors might miss.
Other times, in sad and disturbing cases, owing completely to willful ignorance, despite the grave concerns of their patients.
Sometimes with life and death consequences.
"Doctors of Reddit, when was a patient right about something but you insisted they were wrong until it got serious?"
Always Assume They're Telling The Truth
"It didn't 'get serious' under my father's care, he just thought she was joking at first."
"He was treating a woman for headaches and she dropped that she had been the getaway driver in a robbery where shots had been fired."
" Bullet was lodged in base of her skull."- BigBadZord
"I was at the brief internment unit, acute psychotic cases, mostly, and there was this woman that had been there for some time."
"She had paranoid delusions about the Russian mob trying to get her, complete with hallucinations and everything."
"Her family had confirmed it was all made up in her head and nobody was following her."
"She had been getting medication for some time and her symptoms had improved a lot, she no longer believed she was in danger or being hunted, and everything seemed to be going well."
"As the procedure usually goes, the staff contacted her family so she could start going out for the weekends with them before being fully discharged."
"First weekend away from the hospital she got kidnapped by the Russian mob and taken somewhere else to repay a debt she apparently had but nobody in her family knew about."
"Happy ending though, she was found and gotten to safety quite quickly because we had already spoken to the police about her 'delusions' just in case and they were quick to act when she disappeared."
"And yes, people got locked up and other women were found."
"It was, all in all, a happy/satisfying ending."- Thalkarsh
More Common Than People Think...
"Patient stated live cockroach in ear."
"I said probably not and ate my words."- ChameleonMami
A Mother Knows
"I had a patient in his mid-30s establishing care with me for 'difficulty reading'."
"He actually came in with his mother and was very shy, which I thought was very strange."
"He said he worked at a library and words would get 'jumbled up' while reading."
"He had zero additional issues."
"I actually did a very thorough neurological exam and found zero problems."
"I asked him to read a magazine out loud at different speeds and he did it perfectly."
"I said everything looked fine and wanted to order some labs."
"I honestly felt he was just a strange character."
"They agreed to labs but mom was very pushy to do head imaging. I said we could, but I ordered the CT as routine and by the time labs came back he was extremely low on vitamin D."
"I called saying we should replace it and hold off on the scan."
"Not only did mom not want the scan cancelled, she wanted an MRI and she wanted it STAT."
"I basically got tired of trying to be reassuring and just ordered what she wanted."
"He had the biggest glioblastoma I have ever seen."
"Go mom."- bombas239
Difficult, Or Just Right?
"Without going into specifics, a patient was brought into our ER for like the sixth time in six months with the same thing."
"Fits, progressive neurological symptoms AND a label of a normal MRI scan done 4 months earlier with a referral to a 'functional neurologist' to basically deal with what was labelled as psychosomatic neurological symptoms on account of the patient having their first neurological event whilst they were on the phone."
"Getting some bad news, having a normal MRI and having seen a neurologist who couldn’t find anything wrong, again four months earlier."
"Thankfully, due to the patient rocking up in a wheelchair this time round as they were unable to stand, one of the senior ER doctors brought them in to do another scan."
"Cue me, walking in to see a 'neuro patient who is going to see the specialist as there is nothing wrong with them'."
"Until the very day I die, I shall never, ever forget my horror when I saw their repeat MRI scan on my computer screen just before entering the room."
"The patient had a golf ball-sized tumor in the very back of their brain and was in huge, huge trouble with rapidly progressive neurological signs."
"I felt so terrible for both the patient and their family."
"The first thing I did was to tell them that we were very wrong, there was something physically wrong and apologized for the 10 or so times they had been sent home from ER and told that they had been making up the symptoms and signs."
"The family were just grateful that they now knew what was going on."
"The patient died a month or so later."
"I tell this to all of my junior colleagues and I am extremely wary of how people are labelled as having a fictitious illness when they present to hospital."- feetofire
Doctors literally have people's lives in their hands.
While we should always err on the side of trusting them, it's also important that we let our voices be heard, and if they refuse to listen, get a second opinion.
After all, as evidenced by these stories, no one is immune from making a mistake.
Many of us really related to characters in cartoons and Disney movies as kids, especially the main characters, but how relatable they seem changes as we get older and have more life experience.
Ariel's desire for freedom and control over her own life makes total sense when you're a kid and adults are in charge of your life, but she starts to seem kind of irresponsible once you realize that she put her whole family in jeopardy just to get what she wanted.
Meanwhile, some of the other characters, especially authority figures, start to make a heck of a lot more sense when you experience being truly responsible for other people.
Redditor kaizen1989 asked:
"Which cartoon character becomes more relatable,the older you get?"
"The overly cautious fun suckers in any Disney movie."
"Zazu from The Lion King, Sebastian from The Little Mermaid, and Bagheera from Jungle Book come to mind."
"Zazu has a line where he's complaining to Simba, 'The sooner we get to the watering hole, the sooner we can leave!'"
"Do I now identify with Zazu on a spiritual level rather than just childishly thinking he's a killjoy?"
We're All Depressed
"Eeyore. I'm tired, depressed and grey most of the time."
"And yet, when people are depending on you, you try to help. (Eeyore is my favorite character)"
We all have annoying coworkers
"Benson from regular show. After becoming a supervisor/manager, you start to realize how much the little things employees do add up and make you absolutely hate your life"
"The clip where benson has a breakdown when Mordecai and Rigby spent all night inside an arcade. When he said how this job is all he has left. That sh*t hit me nowadays…."
Propane and Propane Accessories
"Definitely Hank Hill. Especially now that I have to listen to a guy I know talk about conspiracy theories all the time. I've even got my own damn Dale."
"I love that clip of Hank finally getting fed up and calling out Dale’s BS. Maybe it will give you some peace."
"Dale you giblet head, we live in Texas!"
- DaikataroHank Hill Smh GIFGiphy
"Everything Has a Beginning and an End"
"Jet Black from Cowboy Bebop."
"The absolute exhaustion in his every syllable"
"Lol he's only 35."
"35 going on 50. Seriously though, Jet was an 'old soul' at 35."
"The Grinch. He just wanted to chill with his dog in peace and quiet."
"'The grinch didn't hate Christmas, he hated people. And that is fair. -Jim Carrey (paraphrased)"
"I have told my wife this. They ostracized him as a child and basically made him an outcast. Why? He looked different. He was a nice kid who just wanted to fit in. He is mercilessly picked on until he is old enough to live on his own. He is so mentally destroyed that he lives in a cave filled with trash because that's what he feels his self worth is. No one has ever been nice to him. He is suspicious when Cindy Lou tries to be nice to him. He wants to rejoin society, I think, but had no reason to believe it'll be a good experience. He hates Whoville and all the residents because they've treated him awful his whole life. Why do they get to have a merry Christmas, screw them. But it's the grinch, and not that town, that is the villain."
Every Parent Ever
"The chocolate pudding scene rings true to this day."
"'Why on earth are you making chocolate pudding?' 'Because I've lost control of my life.'"
Sweet Solitude Shouldn't Be Too Much To Ask
"Shrek. F**k outta my swamp, I just want to enjoy my solitude with my wife."
"Nani from Lilo and Stitch."
"Every time I think about how hard Nani had it, I remember the shelf of surfing trophies in her room. Girl could have probably made some cash as a pro surfer but had to shift to a more stable job as a waitress because that’s what Lilo needed."
- Threspianlilo and stitch lol GIF by DisneyGiphy
Maybe He Had a Point
"King Triton from the little mermaid—yes, he overreacted by destroying her stuff, but like. He did also have a point for being upset with Ariel’s irresponsibility and sneaking out."
"Plus he had spent his time and magic hiding the Atlanteans and their world. she’s just like 'f**kkkk it I’m horrrrnnnyyyyy. I’m gonna undo thousands of years of hard work and sacrifices my family has made.'"
The characters that we related to as kids often come to seem silly or irresponsible as we get older, and those that we thought of as stuffy or overbearing can seem much more reasonable when we understand what handling real adult responsibilities is really like.