Sex is important.
Whether you're having it or not, it can be a huge part of life.
There are people who don't have sex by choice.
Incels or involuntary celibates are a different matter altogether.
An incel is defined as, "a member of an online community of young men who consider themselves unable to attract women sexually, typically associated with views that are hostile toward women and men who are sexually active."
Redditor DannyMThompson asked:
"People who had considered themselves 'incels' but have since had sex, how do you feel looking back at your previous self?"
Sex changes everything. That's all I know.
In Narnia
james bond GIFGiphy"Oh God, high school me wore fedoras and believed my 'superior intellect and science-based social theories' were too much for everyone and that I was really a James Bond type with my knowledge of various fields."
"Turns out I was gay as f**k but so deep in the closet my zip code was in Narnia, not really that smart in anything but too ADHD to focus past basic knowledge of anything and in a desperate need of a new wardrobe."
Be Mature
"I never really considered myself an Incel at the time (mostly because I'd never heard the phrase) but I was very incelly in high school, I was the type of person who would hold a door open and then wonder why girls weren't falling into my lap. Turns out high school me wasn't that attractive and 'nice' isn't a personality."
"I fell very much into the Chad's 'n Stacey's frame of mind for a while. A lot of things changed really, but mostly I just grew up. It's a super childish view of things and just doesn't take into account that the people around you are... well people. If someone held a door open for you, you wouldn't throw yourself at them. It's about the maturity in relationships. But seriously forget high school me, proper fool."
britbakura
after leaving the military...
"I suppose I was an incel from 23-27 after leaving the military. I was depressed, underweight, socially isolated... I never got fat or super into gaming as is stereotypical, just worked a lot, hung out with my dog, smoked way too much weed, and just sort of forgot how to interact with women."
"Which was probably for the best, most of my relationships prior to 23 were unhealthy at worst, meaningless at best. Ending that era of my life was a long struggle that took concerted effort towards trying to be more positive and social."
"One big event was buying and learning to ride a motorcycle at 27- sort of shocked me out of my routine, opened my eyes to the fact that life was not a downhill slide from the adrenaline filled days of 18-22, that new experiences were waiting to be had."
"Eventually I met a woman that I just couldn't bear to have the usual 'flirt until I awkwardly distance myself' experience with."
"I forced myself to not to my mind wander when we talked, I powered through all anxiety to call and text her daily, I even eventually would do crazy stuff like get dressed up nice and go to dinner with her -not something I could have ever seen myself doing at one point. So I'm married now, still have some issues, but very happy. So I'd say nothing to me, just gotta live through it kid."
PoopSmith87
Resentment
"I was raised by incredibly cruel people, my aunt and grandmother."
"They had me absolutely convinced that I was very ugly, pathetic, and just a total loser. They even hinted that I’d be better off gay (as if it’s a choice) because I didn’t have a shot with women. They also made me feel that as an immigrant I was considered 'weird' and strange and women would consider me less of a 'catch' because I was a foreigner."
"Since I believed all of that, I had a real resentment toward women and like many young people I protected my pain with anger."
"Eventually I discovered that I was not ugly at all and in fact was considered quite attractive by many (which I never fully could wrap my head around). And guess what, turns out women like guys with exotic accents and viewed my foreign-ness as interesting and even exciting."
"I’m just glad I realized all of that before I had become too entrenched in my anger or wasted too much time."
moby323
Critique...
confused season 2 GIF by Blunt TalkGiphy"I see my younger self as in severe need of help, help I never got. Although I did get plenty of criticism, criticism that was about as useful to me as an instruction manual written in Chinese."
dumbwaeguk
Always have a therapist nearby.
Be Normal
Gilbert Gottfried Trick GIFGiphy"I despise that guy. He’s an embarrassment to me. Somehow, it never occurred to me until I had sex that women are literally just normal people like you or I. They laugh, they swear, they fart, they poop, they even (gasp) enjoy sex!"
‘late bloomer’
"I think I was maybe just a ‘late bloomer.’ I had lots of female friends and was a bit geeky (before it was cool). When I went to Uni I realised that rejection wasn’t as bad if I could laugh about it with my mates after. When I lost my V, it wasn’t the big deal I thought it would be. Once that barrier was broken though, I really came into my own and never looked back."
Cmdr_Monzo
"more like a friend"
"I always had 'more like a friend' relationships with girls (and then women) until I found someone with who things just went naturally. It's at this moment that I realised how bad I was acting all those years."
"I used to find somebody and become kinda obsessed over them. Thinking about what it could be like to have a relationship with them when I went to sleep, dreaming about them. So in my mind, we knew each other VERY well."
"In reality... Not so much. I was so surprised when I was getting rejected or so-called 'friend-zoned' because I thought we were a perfect fit! As I once read, before a person 'friend-zones' you, you girlfriend/boyfriend-zoned her/him first."
"At least I didn't discover the term Incel at that time. Old me was a piece of sh*t and full of hormones."
Foquine
Blossom
"I knew a guy who was involuntarily celibate but not what I'd call an 'incel.' He was my husband's roommate/best friend from college and eventually became my roommate. He was a virgin at 24 (not that there's anything wrong with that) and had also never dated. He definitely felt sorry for himself that nobody liked him etc etc."
"He was overweight and didn't take care of himself very much and was socially awkward."
"Well, he went to the doctors and discovered he had low testosterone. After giving himself shots on the regular, he actually started to really blossom. He started working out, took care of himself and actually became confident enough to approach women. This was almost 10 years ago. His wedding was last fall."
therapistiscrazy
Prison
making love passionate kiss GIFGiphy"It's a bit like empirical science. A lot of useless speculations disappear like morning mist in the sun, when you apply 'try and fail again and again until you have some degree of success.'"
"It takes practice to be a human being, and some people postpone their practicing indefinitely. A big problem is that some people believe what THEY think other people think of them, ie they live in a prison built and maintained by themselves."
fifticon
We're glad these people felt open enough to share about how experience and time changed their point of view.
Do you have similar experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.