Embarrassed People Share Their 'He's Right Behind Me, Isn't He' Stories
Being aware of your surroundings is important, especially if you live in a big city. A stray delivery bike or a disturbed pigeon can run into you and knock you on your keister, and no one wants that. However, social interactions also call for an awareness of who's around you and what kind of story you're telling. Otherwise, you're caught in one of those moments you wish you could escape but never do.
Reddit user, r/AmAllergicToGold, wanted to know your most socially awkward moments when they asked:
What's your "he's right behind me, isn't he?" story?
Silent, But Deadly
My grandfather has the ability to walk silently like can creep on you like no other. Additionally, he doesn't speak English and I don't speak Spanish. So, to show his love, he generally just walks over, taps you on the shoulder, "ah, my boy"
This particular time, It was me and all my siblings playing some video game. I was inches from the tv as we were playing if you die its the next person's turn. Grandpa sneaks right up on me. His hand inches from my shoulder. I just drop a bomb and rip on the loudest farts I've had to date. A lot of cheetos and dr pepper in those days.
He pauses, removes his hand and stealth walks away. I didn't even know that happened until he left and all my siblings burst into laughter.
Shame.
Maybe Buy The Censored Version From Now On
I'm a computer tech. At my old job, all of the techs sat in this one room with our own desks, to work on computers. My friend Caleb and I were working on a machine together. We had music playing (Bonfire by Childish Gambino). The lyrics were "Move white girls like there's coke up my a--crack Move black girls cause, man"
The big boss for the whole department happened to be behind us.
Awkward.
Please Move
Talking to my friend about the hot TA in a tutorial and giggling like teenagers.
Obviously he was right behind us and to our embarrassment he asked my friend to move to another table.
Mommy Talks, Player Walks
This is a "he's sitting right beside me" story.
There was this kid on my high school baseball team that was incredibly annoying. He always complained about everything, his mom talked to the coach too often about getting more playing time. He just wasn't a good athlete. Well, one day my teammates and I were all sitting on the bench in the dugout and the kid was walking over to sit down on the bench next to us. Something happened, I got distracted (foul ball or something), and I lost sight of the annoying kid. I leaned over to who I thought was my friend and said "Don't let (his name) sit next to us." Turns out my friend was sitting on the opposite side of me and I had just said that directly to his face.
He got pissed, said "REALLY?!", got up and walked away.
I don't feel bad about it at all. He was obnoxious.
The Ugliest Fight
When I was in college I was cooking in the dorm kitchen with a friend. He asked if I was going to be living with the same person next year. My response was, "Oh god no. She's terrible. All she does all day is sit in the dark watching CMT with her crazy racist boyfriend. I can't wait to never see her again."
She had been standing on the other side of the wall (probably spying on me because she did that sometimes) and heard the entire conversation.
We had a really ugly fight after that.
Ready, Friend B?
At bar trivia one night, two of my friends got into a heated debate over Ready Player One, my female friend said it was Gary Stu wish fulfillment garbage with little to no literary merit. My male friend, who is a huge dork in his mid 20s and has a degree in English, was arguing the other side. After we left, I said to a third friend "I love Friend B, but I think he may be a little biased because he's the target demographic of the book." He was standing directly behind me.
I also know he has a Reddit account, so he may end up right behind me again on this one, lol.
Trapped Between A Rock And A Hard Place
I have one. Our production manager was quitting (given her 2 weeks notice) and was seriously going off about the owner of the company.
Me and one other girl were in the printer room while said project manager was training us on some new machinery. She just went off about how "insert owner" was a selfish ahole and how he cares about no one but himself and that he is the reason she is leaving. She lists off every variation of insults pertaining to him while we stand there awkwardly. I glance back and guess who is standing directly behind me. Yep...the owner
Funny thing is, he is actually really nice and I have no idea why she hated him so much. That episode was never brought up again. But I'll be damned if I wasn't sweating bullets. What an awkward position to put your staff in.
But It Wasn't About YOUR Service
Sorta fitting...
It usually comes up when I am at a restaurant and I feel like the service is pretty awesome. Then I share with my friend a time when it was awful somewhere else only for the server to show up at some perfect time where it probably sounds like I am b--ching about them.
I want to burst out with "I'm not talking about you!" because I'm not talking about them. At the same time I don't because chances are they didn't hear sh-t.
I usually end up leaving a bigger tip than normal out of embarrassment.
You Might Be A...
I was at a water park with some friends, and I saw this guy with the word "REDNECK" tattooed across his back, I started making snide comments about him. Later on in the day I said to my friends "hey maybe I should get 'HUGE IDIOT' tattooed across my back like that one idiot we saw earlier, I mean seriously who gets 'REDN-" I got cutoff by someone tapping my shoulder. I turn around and it's the guy with the redneck tattoo, let me tell you I've never been more scared of getting my ass kicked than I was right at that second.
I'm not sure if he knew I was talking about him or not but all he did was to ask me what time it was (I had a watch on) and then he walked away. I learned my lesson about talking crap about people I don't know.
When The Whole Class Gets Involved...
We had an important presentation in design school, it was worth a large part of our grade. This one was important enough that some dressed up and brought guests. We had almost the entire same classes for two years with the same members. There were three guys who's work was not on pace with the class. While we would point out strengths and weaknesses, it was best to try to make positive comments. One guy presented a turd that he'd pulled out of his ass just the night before. It was a point of sale display for a spiderman comic book, but it was obviously a used pizza box, spray painted gold, with sharpy spiderwebs. He then tried to distract by showing off the book and geeking out on spiderman.
After class several of us were gathered discussing it. One guy brought up how Ace had really sh-t the bed and how if he had turned in something so bad he would show his face again. Room freezes as we point out that the guy was back to back with Ace. They were so close that their chairs were touching. Our group goes silent as does his table. There is a long moment where there is a huge tense silence. Another guy at our table had brought his girlfriend pipes up,"What? What? What? Why isn't anyone saying anything? Are you talking about Spiderman guy? The one with pizza on the inside of his thing and had all those bad drawings?" She then started quoting him and doing an impression. When I tried to quiet her down she wasn't having it, even though she figured out he was inches away.
Eventually a conversation started and people tried to move on. Then Ace gets up red face, obvious that he was trying not to cry and heads out of the room.
Wonder What The Pattern Was...
I was the guy who was right behind.
I used to teach 8th grade and it was cold in the mornings so I wore a thick sweater. I thought it was a nice sweater.
One morning way before class, I walked into the Library, said hi to Emily (one of my students) and her friend as we walked by each other. I passed them and immediately turned around because I forgot something.
I plainly heard Emily say, "See! THATS the ugly sweater." When they turned around to see me.... I was right behind them. They shrieked and took off running!
Later, Emily apologized - but I never wore that sweater again to school and a couple years later I dropped it off at a GoodWill.
Might Pick Better Adjectives
Working at our office. Head out to the warehouse and start talking to coworker. We have two Nick's who work for the company. Mostly they go by and answer to "Warehouse Nick" and "Office Nick". Me and this particular coworker occasionally refer to them based on their relative size...
I don't remember the question, but my response was "I think Nick went to go get them." He asked, "Skinny Nick?" I replied without thinking. "No, Fat Nick."
He had just walked in the warehouse behind me. Luckily he laughed it off and didn't call HR.
The Call Is Coming From Inside The House
This one happened when I was a child, and it still makes me cringe to think about:
My younger brother and I used to have a sitter stay with us from the time we got home from school until our parents got home, as both parents worked. For some reason, brother and I really did not care for this woman. Looking back, there was nothing wrong with her, but I think we were both getting to that "we're too old for a sitter" age, so no matter WHO it was, we would have had an issue.
One afternoon we were being sh-ts, and she punished us- probably the go-to-your-room variety. I picked up one of the house phones, and my brother and I called my dad at work to complain about the sitter. We held nothing back, saying things about how we hated her, she was fat, smelled bad, mean, etc. Just total ahole kid stuff.
The worst moment was realizing that she had picked up another phone in the house and heard the entire thing. In her defense, I think she was making sure we weren't calling anyone we shoudn't.... aka doing her job as a babysitter.
That day, we got to see a grown woman cry. I have never wished so much that I could take words back, and this still haunts me 20+ years later. Ms. Rhonda, wherever you are, I'm so, so sorry.
Crazy Jam
Back in senior year of high school, me and some friends coaxed the administration into letting us do a "music independent study," which was basically code for letting us jam out on guitars for 35 minutes a day. Our music teacher was pissed but couldn't do anything about it. One day he was late so we started playing these African-looking drums in the music room. I started dancing like a maniac as the drums got louder and louder. Suddenly the music stops---but I keep dancing (you know, like a jackass) and everybody's face goes white. After about a minute and a half I finally turn around to see Mr. Grimsby glaring at all of us.
I'll Sue You
I was doing an impression of a teacher that had a history of suing students who made jokes of fun. so there I was doing this highly exagerated impression about how I'd sue all my friends when they looked behind me and I knew what it meant.
I looked back, the teacher stopped on his way, looked straight in my eyes, then turned back and left. I was like "he went to call his lawyers, I'm screwed lol"
Back Of The Line!
I told a guy off while at self checkout because he came up to the podium wanting to be checked out and I told him that wasn't fair for everyone else who had waited in line and was doing it himself, and the minute he walks away I have this feeling of dread and sure enough one of the biggest kiss ass supervisors walks up from behind me, because he was standing there the whole time. I get immedietely pulled into the office to be told by all the supervisors and managers on the front end that I shouldn't talk to customers that way.
This was at a store that is known for being a mart with wals.
What A Weirdo
Ugh I still cringe when I think about this story.
When I was about 11, my whole family took a trip to Nevada. My parents, siblings, grandparents and all of my cousins/aunts/uncles.
I have a cousin, Jake, who was very strange when he was younger. Looking back on it, I'm not even certain that I thought he was strange or if I was influenced by the older members of my family that said he was.
We were in our rental car, waiting to go to the Hoover Dam. I blurted out, "Jake Jr. is kind of strange, isn't he?", probably in an attempt to seem grown up in front of everyone. Everyone's face went white, Jake Jr was in the car with us all the way in the back but I had forgotten. I looked back to see my grandmother just stroking his head while he lay in her lap.
My face burned tomato red. This is my first distinct memory of shame and embarrassment. When I look back on that, I hope that he didn't hear me or maybe that he was too young to even realize. It makes my stomach drop to think that maybe he remembers and thinks that I think he is weird. At 21, and him at 16, it makes me wonder if the reason I never hear from him is that.
I'm sorry, Jake. I was a brat and so were the family members that thought you were weird.
Awkward 101
My younger sister and I were in the same chemistry class in high school (long story), but she didn't particularly get along with our teacher. At one point in class she said something to that effect out loud and didn't realize he was only a few feet away. I said, "Say it a little louder, why don't you?!" (In a tone that said to shut the hell up.) And he responded, "Yeah, say it a little louder."
She dropped the class that week.
The Family You Don't Choose
My brother's girlfriend drove me and all my friends crazy. She was just generally rude, talked over other people constantly, had really bad ideas about everything etc.
One night we BBQed with my brother, his GF and a bunch of my friends. The night wound down and my brother and his girlfriend left and me and my friends went inside to play some games and end the night. At this point we're all standing around venting about my brother's GF, talking about how horrible and obnoxious she is, etc.
I then turn around and she's in the apartment. I have no idea how this happened as the door we came in locks automatically and she didn't come in the front door. I am guessing it just didn't close all the way. It turns out she forgot something.
To this day I don't know what if anything she heard but I can not imagine she wouldn't have heard us. My only hope is that she didn't know we were talking about her specifically.
I felt really bad about this, and still do to this day. She's now my brother's life and I actually like her more now. It took that situation for me to reflect on how sh-tty it is to trash talk someone like that.
Cool Professor
Yesterday. Show up to my Shakespeare class early and decide to sit on the Professors desk up front, lean back on my elbow almost laying on the table. Start Shooting the sh-t with my classmates and some one asks "does anyone know what we're doing today?" And I reply "I don't know I'm just here for the attendance grade." Everyone laughs and suddenly stops. I turn around and see the professor at the door. I was mortified but she laughed and I know we're cool because I participate in class.
Still, that moment was awful.