Reddit user mattdacoolcat shared an unfortunately all too familiar story of discrimination from their days as a restaurant host:
It was a group of middle aged guys. They're regulars, but they're annoying as hell, and they always ask for the hottest server. As a host, I usually just sit them with whoever. The last time they came in, I sat them with D, a really sweet black girl who's one of our best servers. They were FURIOUS. They never said anything to me or a manager, but they claimed everything was wrong. The food was too cold. The drinks were flat. She was way too slow. She was rude. They left a 25¢ tip and left not long after.
This time, they specified they wanted a hot WHITE server. I said "okay!" and with a smile, I walked them over to their table. I specifically sat them with the only male server, a tall, black, bodybuilder who towered over all of them. He's a really cool guy, but he can be slightly intimidating to people that don't know him just due to his stature.
They never said a word.
Tl;dr: Buncha pervs asked for a hot white girl, got a big black guy.
Users were understandably upset by the actions of these men, and shared their ire in the comments.
Some responses have been edited for content/clarity.
Imagine being so inept at talking to women that hitting on your waitress, someone who is forced to interact with/be nice to you, is the best shot you have at meeting someone.
Right of Refusal
You’ve got the right to kick people out for announcing their intention to sexually harass your coworkers btw. I’d suggest using that power.
Why do so many guys just feel entitled to have sex appeal added to their every experience? Next time I go to church I’m requesting only the hot preacher in the slutty priest outfit so I can really enjoy my religious experience. And I’ll slap every male butt I see on the way out. (Side note...why are slutty nun outfits a thing??)Giphy
Others disagreed with their methods.
100% would kick people out for this. These people are here to harass someone who is trying to do their job. They should be there to get food, not flirt with people who are being paid to get you food or drinks.
I would've asked “Why does she have to be white?" and watch them lose their tounge.
When they finally come up with a diet racist response I would've told them to accept whatever seating I provide or kindly leave.
I know you said it ended up making them silent but I think this is kind of a f**ked up thing to do to your black co worker.
Lol making him serve a group of potential racist dudes. Real nice man.
Yeah, I wouldn't subject a POC to them. This might be funny to you, but they will treat the server badly and not tip.
And still others shared similar experiences, and how they handled them.
Am a nurse. In school rotations this guy demanded my peer to only let the cutest nurse do his Foley cath. She tells me, a fat 32 year old hairy guy, and I walked in.
"who the hell are you?"
"I'm the cute one."
I work the bar in a family restaurant. Had a couple guys sit at a table in the bar section while I was bartending. I let them know I’d go grab them a server, like I do to every table.
“Get us the one with the biggest tits hahaha”
I gave them the ‘disappointed parent’ look and told them “I’ll see what I can do” and went and found the only male server, who unfortunately was working on the opposite end of the restaurant. I told him he had a request in the bar, a couple guys looking for a waitress with big boobs if he wanted it. The two guys gave me the meanest look when he came out.
Apparently they just walked out when I was in BoH and the waiter was getting their drink order. Good riddance.
One time at my restaurant we had three guys come in and sit outside in our smoking patio. The only server outside was a dude who was cool as hell. After he took their order for me they went back to the host stand and asked for a female server. The host told the manager and he told them if they were going to behave like that then he didn't feel comfortable assigning them a female server, and said if it mattered that much they could go to Twin Peaks or Hooters. And they did. Loved that KM. He gave no f**ks and always stuck by us. His philosophy was that if we were sweating, then he was. He would back us no questions asked in front of customers. Great dude. Got screwed by the company but is happily with someone else now.
I'm surprised that no one has mentioned this yet. Why not give patrons like this one of those silly queue pucks and just have them wait without actually assigning the puck to the queue? Or, if you have to assign them to the queue make sure you note that they are looking for a server that can tolerate racist, sexist pigs.
Was a seating hostess. Once I got this elderly couple who came in, and the man commented that he wanted a "pretty, young female" server. He had been joking with me earlier, so I thought he was just joking about that as well. We were on a 30-minute waiting list, so customers generally were sat at whatever table was open next. Just so happened that "Alan's" section was open next. I sat them, let them know Alan would be over shortly, and the guy BLEW UP. I found them a new seat as soon as one became available, but the f**king chauvinistic pig kept threatening to report me to corporate for, ya know, not having a pretty woman available to serve him and his WIFE. F**k that guy. And f**k my manager for telling me that *I* was in the wrong.
Black People Can Make Tacos Too
So I work at a Tex-Mex (Americanized Mexican) restaurant, and was the first person on the row of people to put food together for customers. We weren't that busy, so me and the other workers were in the back chatting. As customers came in, I went to put on my gloves so I could make food without germs on everything. While I was doing that, I asked my coworker, who happened to be black, to go ahead and get the customers started, as he had his gloves on already. He got into position, and said as politely as possible, "Hi, what can I get for you today?" To which she responded "I want him to make it" and pointed at me. Now, at this point I had my gloves on, so I stepped up and started getting her food, but me and my coworker shared a glance like "is this b*tch for real?" As she got to the next section, where the same black coworker was, she told him "I told you already I want him to make it." When I told her that that wasn't how the ordering process worked, she demanded to speak to a manager. I went back to the next customers while my coworker got my manager. This woman started YELLING at my manager about how "black people don't understand Mexican food" and how "it's a disgrace to let them work here" and all that fun stuff. When my manager asked her what my coworker had done, she told him, and I quote "n*****s can't make a proper taco". When my manager asked her to leave, she screamed and raised a middle finger to us and stormed out. Sometimes I just don't know why people think they get to just sh*t on people.
Why Serve Them?
Serious question, why aren't you guys refusing service to people like this?
They probably aren't allowed to. Like only the manager/area manager/head office is allowed to ban people, maybe. Happens with some companies.
Seriously. As a manager, if I was told that this was going on, especially from repeat offenders, I would tell them we aren't serving them. Objectifying my staff and being blatantly racist has no place in a business I work at.
Don't Be This Guy
I work as a server and host at chain family restaurant.
So, last night, I'm hosting. It's slow so I'm hanging out in the back. I'm standing in front of the window traying up some food. A new server (She used to be a cook for us) comes up to me.
"Hey, I got this guy at 41... I gave him one shot and he's acting super drunk already. I think he was drinking before I got here. I think I need to cut him off, what do I say?"
I give her the run down, I tell her to be firm but polite. Server says she's scared, that he's been aggressive anyways. I grab our manager and we explain the situation, says she'll handle it.
Well. Not two seconds after my first manger cuts him off, he flags down ANOTHER manager. Just asks for another shot. This manager, not knowing what was happening, gladly says he'll get it going for them. Luckily, we were able to stop him before he brought another drink.
10 minutes go by, and the drunk guy stops one of the hosts, and talks to her for a long time. I'm watching from the kitchen. After she walks away she comes over the headset.
"Hey, elea_no, they guy at 41 is asking for you. He says he ordered a drink and hasn't gotten it. He just keeps asking for you."
So I am confused as hell and I tell the host that I'm not going over there. And that she and nobody else is to serve him. It's not my job to serve him and I have no idea why he's asking for me. At this point I haven't even stopped by the table.
My manager goes by the table again to tell him to quit harassing the staff, we're not going to serve him anymore. He begins yelling "I want elea_no! I want elea_no!" And my manager is telling him no, she's not going to get me. So at this point they ask for the check and get ready to leave.
As he's leaving out the door, he calls my name. I look up, and recognize this kid as someone i went to high school with. We always had classes together. He had always had a huge crush on me. I served him the last time he came in.
"Hey, elea_no, 'mere" we talk in the foyer between the two sets of doors. He says to me "The service f**king sucks here. That dumb blonde manager was a c*nt"
I am so taken aback I literally don't know what to say, so I unfortunately just let him continue. "and, I'm sorry, there's not better way to say this, but that other dumb n****r manager of yours unbelievable. And that Sp*c server is the worst of all, f**king cut me off like that. I only had one shot. F**king bullsh*t."
I'm standing there mouth open. I'm trying to find the right words. He ends his rant with, "But it's not a race thing, it's not. I know I'm wearing a confederate flag hat and sh*t, but it's not a race thing, it's just what they are."
I reply "Well, it's at the servers discretion, if she doesn't feel comfortable, then she has every right to refuse service. She's new and just being careful."
To wrap the mess in a little bow, his departing line is: "Alright whatever it's still bullsh*t, I'm never coming back unless you serve me. I'll see you later. Hit me up on Facebook when you turn 21! We could meet up for drinks!"
Yup. I'd love to meet up with a sh*tty, racist ass for some drinks. Thanks!
He walked out on his check.
I had a table who made some insanely rude remarks. 1. That they were glad they got a female server this time women should be serving and men should be cooking or managing. 2. Asks how many mexicans work in the kitchen. Answer 0. 3. Makes remark that the dishwasher must be mexican or native american. Answer nope college age white girl trying to pay her bills. They got the same no smile response for everyone of these remarks. First of all, cooking, dishwashing, and serving are not degrading jobs. Next assuming that all of these must be held by minorities is just straight up racist.
I was standing up at the Host Stand watching the door while the host was in the bathroom when I was approached by a 70 something older white Man with a bag stacked with to go boxes.
Me= M OWM= Old White Man
OWM: I need to speak with your manager.
M: Is there something I can help you with?
OWM: I just wanted to let you know that the food tonight was absolutely the worst meal I have ever had in my life.
Looks at to go bag filled with 3 large boxes of food, confusion washes over my face. M: I'm so sorry sir what seemed to be the problem with your meal?
OWM: Everything. I ordered the ribs and they were absolutely disgusting. I come here all the time and the food has always been mediocre but this time it was inedible.
M: Did you tell your server about the food quality? She would have replaced the slab for you. It only takes a few minutes to put the sauce on but the meat is already cooked.
OWM: I couldn't tell her.
M: You couldn't tell her? Like, she never checked on you?
OWM: No. I couldn't tell her because she isn't American. She wouldn't understand.
It clicked to me. He was seated in one of the other server's section who is Asian American. Her parents are Vietnamese, but she was born here, has always lived in the US and has never been to Vietnam. Doesn't have an accent, speaks perfect English. Because she's AMERICAN.
OWM: You know my Aunt owned a restaurant, and once she started hiring international people the place just went to shit and it closed within 6 months. You should really think about who you're hiring.
At this point, this dude has just seriously crossed the line. My adrenaline is pumping, and the dude is looking at me like he's waiting for me to agree with him and somehow validate this statement.
M: Sir, are you implying that your server's nationality had something to do with the quality of the food you received tonight?
OWM: Well you cant trust these international people to do the job like real Americans they don't care about good service.
At this point I'm losing my cool.
M: Sir, your server is American. She was born in America, has lived her ENTIRE life in America, and speaks perfect English. I was going to hear your concerns about the food quality, but now you've insulted me and my staff and I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
OWM with astonished look on his face, started yelling: Are you serious? You can't treat me like this! I didn't even do anything!
M: I'm absolutely serious you need to go.
OWM proceeds to walk out of the door yelling to anyone in earshot about how much of a trash dump my restaurant is and how he'll never come back.
That was the first day I ever cried at work in my whole 9 years in the industry. F that dude.
I work at a higher end restaurant/bar (new American fare, expensive whiskey) in a more upper class but super trashy still, neighborhood of my city.
Two men come to the bar and have a seat. They're a tad drunk I'm assuming, and whispering amongst each other and giggling.
I hand them their menus and as I fill their water glasses, they don't even look at the menu and one of them just says "I guess we're having sushi tonight." And the other burst out laughing and then they get up and leave. Laughing the whole way out.
The server at the pass was just standing there slack jawed as she hears it too. My face felt hot and I wanted to cry.
Sometimes people like that actually make me want to leave the service industry forever.
I'm Asian, btw. Hence the sushi joke. Filipino, not Japanese. But I digress.
I work in a Japanese steakhouse as a server and we had a table come in tonight (was ~4 adults and 3 kids) that my coworker ended up taking (she's Vietnamese this matters later). Later on when my coworker asked if they needed anything one of the kids who had to have been around 12 went, "Yeah Ling Ling I need a refill" I heard her say it and didn't even know how to react neither did my coworker, then the adults realized what she said and were laughing after my coworker walked away. Didn't end up saying anything about it but felt it was shitty and I wanted to say something but my coworker told me not to. But just your daily reminder some people just suck.
This took place in a very rich very white small Canadian town. I was working in the dining room of the local casino when an older lady and an older gentleman are sat in my coworker's section. My coworker is named "Michelle" and we'll call the lovely customer "RL".
Michelle is black, originally from the Caribbean, but has lived in Canada since early childhood.
Our kitchen staff is probably about 80% Filippino and Indian people.
Michelle: "Hi, good evening, how are the two of you doing today?"
RL: Long pause in which she stares at Michelle "Fine." The gentleman is silent.
Michelle: "I'm glad to hear it. Can I get the two of you anything to drink to start you off?"
Michelle tells me she didn't know how to react to that, so she asked if there was anything else she could get them at the moment, to which RL snarled: "Do you think we're ready to order?? Stupid girl send someone competant over here!"
Michelle, not visibly upset, asked me to take them. This seemed normal to me because she was about to be cut anyway and we frequently did little favours for eachother. She didn't tell me about the earlier interaction until later. I'm white.
I went over and greeted them and they seemed pleasent enough. I got them started with drinks, which they ordered without issue. After giving them some time with the menus I went over to take their orders.
Me: "All ready to order? What can I get for you this evening?"
RL: "Who's in the kitchen?"
Me: thinking she might know someone in BOH because why else would you ask that question? "Oh quite a few people are working tonight, are you thinking of someone in particular? "
RL: "No I mean" she gives me a significant look "who is in the kitchen?"
Me: confused "um... ??? ..." trying to figure out what to say, besides listing off 9 or 10 first names of the BOH staff
RL: "I want to know if there's any" her voice dips low like she's saying a really nasty word "Filippinos in your kitchen."
Me: every alarm going off in my head. Wtf is this I must be misinterpreting her, there's no way she's this blatantly racist
Me: "Well we have a very diverse staff here at (casino), which is something I really love about working here. There are quite a few Filippino people who work in the kitchen."
RL: "That's disgusting!! Touching the food??? I want to see a manager"
At this point I would have kicked her out if I had any kind of agency, but it wasn't that kind of job. I went and got Ravi, my manager. An Indian man with a fairly strong accent.
He approaches the table and asks what's going on.
RL: "You're the manager????"
Ravi: "Yes that's me."
RL threw her hands up in disgust and strode over to the blonde, blue-eyed, 18 year old bartender. By this time most people in the dining room were watching the shit-fit. She demanded that the bartender give her a corporate number. He told her she would need to ask a manager for that. Or she could try the lobby desk. He openly laughed in her face when her eyes bulged with fury. He pointed her towards the lobby desk where three east-asian women were helping customers. RL was literally shaking with rage when she collected her husband and stormed out.
She was a legend at that job, a story we told to newbies. I still can hardly believe anyone is that open about their racism in this day and age.
Sometimes, the not-so-subtle racism is coming from the other side of the table.
That's amazing. Good on you.
We had this really rude, racist server at our restaurant that would always tell the hosts not to seat her with anyone that wasn't white or anyone with kids. One time a host was sick so I picked up for her. I'm usually a server, so I didn't know that the other server expected this kind of filtering from me and sat her with a 4 top with two parents and two toddlers.
She tried to tell me not to seat her with any families or "anyone that speaks Spanish". The family had spoken English to me, but I could see she was just being racist.
I would never want to make anyone uncomfortable by seating them with a racist person, but I also wanted to teach this server a lesson. So I sat her with only people of color and people with children all night. I checked up on all of her tables to make sure they were still getting good service.
She was fuming, but what was she going to say to the manager? That I was following rotation? That she wanted to turn down 75% of our clientele and good money and I wasn't letting her? She quit a few months later and now somehow works for corporate at that restaurant. I have no idea how.
Thankfully, People's Reasons Aren't Always Sinister
Family is in pizza delivery, we had a customer that would always ask for female delivery people. It actually turned out to be completely innocent.
When he asked for a female delivery driver of course we sent out our biggest burliest guy for the first few deliveries because we assumed he was a pervert/creep. Never got to meet the guy. He'd leave a check in an envelope with a decent tip taped on the door and the driver would leave the pizza on a chair on his porch. Still assumed he was a pervert that was gonna snatch the pretty girl we sent out.
One day we showed up when there was a caretaker or family member there. She was a petite woman. She let us know he has MASSIVE agoraphobia and PTSD, and the reason he asks for a female driver is because a big guy coming down his driveway freaks him out way more than a small person (male or female), and women just tend to be smaller (we felt a bit bad about sending our biggest guy each time, but our safety has to be first). Now anyone is allowed to go to his house and people will try to snipe his order because he tips well.
People Break Down The Exact Moment They Realized They Were Being Manipulated By Someone They Trusted
Manipulation is designed to be stealthy. We hardly recognize it when it's happening to us because our abuser has forced it to appear under wraps.
But when we recognize it for what it really is, we really feel like we've been smacked across the face. There is no other descriptor for it. Usually we've trusted and loved those that manipulated us.
A Platitude Of Pleasing<p>You never know where the next blowout is coming from. Any time something needs to be addressed, you might try to bring it up once, gently, if you're feeling brave. If you meet the slightest bit of resistance, or you don't feel like that fight in the first place, you just go "okay dear" instead. You find that you'll put the argument off until next time, and hope that whatever you thought to bring up won't have any consequences, because you'll be hearing about those, too. It sucks, and I'm glad you can speak about it in the past tense.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/TheGreatestAuk/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">TheGreatestAuk</a></p>
Wrong Or Right Or Just Not Agreeing?<p>When I started realizing that I was feeling like I was constantly walking on eggshells. I never knew which version of my friend I'd get when we saw each other, or when we hung out. I also just completely stopped disagreeing with them because I didn't want to hear them tell me how wrong I was if we didn't share the same viewpoint.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/WhatArcherWhat/" target="_blank">WhatArcherWhat</a></p>
Being Used<p>My best friend suddenly distanced herself from me. But every now and then she'd call and ask if I wanted to do something, and I was encouraged because I thought it meant that things were still good between us. It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that she only called when she wanted to do something that required a ride, since she didn't have a car. The only thing I can say in my defense is that I don't use people that way so I didn't recognize user behavior. You can bet I do now.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Goldeverywhere/" target="_blank">Goldeverywhere</a></p>
Hiding The Receipts<p>I was living with my former best friend and his gf at the time. When I asked for grocery receipts (I trusted him & his ex to buy groceries bc I didn't have a car at the time + our work schedules were different so I couldn't go with them) and they wouldn't provide any. The only reason I became suspicious was bc they started asking for a ridiculous amount of money for my half and the actual amount of food wasn't adding up. Up until that point they never asked for a crazy amount and I was content with our groceries, but I noticed they became extremely greedy. When I then asked to see a banking statement, they wouldn't even provide me with that either.</p><p>At that point I just realized they were finessing me out of extra money and I started buying my own food. I just bit my tongue bc we only had like 2 months left on the lease. They tried to gaslight me and make me seem like the bad guy any chance they had (almost the entire time I lived with them actually). Eventually, I grew apart from him once I moved away and the only reason he hit me back up was bc she cheated on him so he probably didn't have anyone else to turn to (go figure). We don't talk anymore.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/0MG1MW3T/" target="_blank">0MG1MW3T</a></p>
Ah Yes, Good Old DARVO<p>My mother and I have always had a rocky relationship. She's always encouraged me to tell her what's wrong, however, any time I would she'd immediately go "sorry I'm such a terrible mother, I give you everything you want and it's still not good enough! Why don't you just go live with someone you don't hate?" Keep in mind this happens over small things such as "mom, I'd appreciate it if you'd knock before coming into my room. You know how easily I startle and you barging into my room really upsets me"</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/paytonc0510/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">paytonc0510</a></p>
How Do You Do This To Someone<p>8 years into the relationship. As we're sitting down he explains to me that the "first couple years" we were together he only saw me as a place to crash and free rides, but he loved me NOW, and even though I accomplished all the goals HE set for ME so we could get married he said "I never really thought you could do it". Oh and also you got fat, but don't worry we can fix it! It was like a magic veil lifted and I finally saw who he really was. F**k you James.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/DoNotUseOnHumans/" target="_blank">DoNotUseOnHumans</a></p>
Be My Friend And Not Theirs<p>She always managed to make me do things I didn't really want to do but the last straw was when she decided I had to stop being friends with two mates of mine over something stupid that offended her. </p><p>Cut her off over that and she then proceeded to act derisively ("you'll come back"), then badmouthed me and then begged me to take her back. Ten years later I am still friends with those two guys and she's still out of my life.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/FatherTedHackett/" target="_blank">FatherTedHackett</a></p>
Victim Time<p>When literally every time me and my mom talked she played the victim.</p><p>I was trying to help her raise me, ask me about my grades and stuff. For her I just existed, she wasn't responsible at all.</p><p>I grew up watching her play the victim to others, and I was always on her side, cuz she's my mom you know. Also I never really understood what was going on.</p><p>I started getting older and older, and seeing sh*t after sh*t she did. I understood what she did to my father, to my step-dad, to my sister, to her friends.</p><p>Probably I'd be the next one who she would use and throw away.</p><p>I talked to her... and you know the result. The victim. Nothing it's her fault.</p><p>The last time we talked, I was expecting the victim card. When she started speaking, I already knew what was going to happen. I didn't even said a word, I just agreed with her, and the next day I moved out. I'm not wasting my time.</p><p>It was the last day before quarantine, I remember it as if it was yesterday. Friday night: saturday morning I was packing my stuff.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/NotFromHeel/" target="_blank">NotFromHeel</a></p>
Sixteen Years Of Made Up Lies<p>After 16 years of marriage I realized my now ex was manipulating me. I would work and take care of the house and if I asked him to do something like get a job or clean up he would stage a mental breakdown and make me feel bad for asking him for help. </p><p>He would play up a horrible childhood or PTSD from the military to make me feel like I need to take care of him. Then would play on his computer all day and smoke while I worked. </p><p>Found out that a lot of his horrible childhood stories were made up and that he never made it through basic training in the military. I am happily with someone now but still catch myself cringing when he does things like cook or clean thinking that he is going to yell at me for being lazy. Meanwhile he loves me and is just doing things to take care of me. I'm working on deprogramming myself.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/HolyCelestialCow/" target="_blank">HolyCelestialCow</a></p>
Sometimes It's The Mother-In-Law<p>Took me until after the engagement to realize that my cheating ex fiancee was trying to browbeat me into submission.</p><p>Anywho, I quickly recognized emotional blackmail and manipulation from my MIL after getting married to a different girl years later due to that experience. I called her out on it.</p><p>She... Doesn't like that. But since my wife and sister-in-law and brother-in-law also recognize it they've got my back.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/engineertr1gg/" target="_blank">engineertr1gg</a></p>
Just as new mothers encounter the sudden, influential developments of powerful hormone changes, protective instincts, and milk production, so new fathers undergo some key changes of their own.
Their socks become exclusively white, climbing higher up the calf than ever before. All their shorts sprout cargo pockets and clunky belt loop cell phone holders. They start to really lean in to their old records.
Regional Laws<p>"Dad, driving past a cemetery: Did you know anyone living in a 3 mile radius of a cemetery isn't allowed to be buried there?"</p><p>"Me: No, I had no idea. How come?"</p><p>"Dad: Yeah, you're not allowed to bury the living"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk1d2k?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">TinyLuckDragon</a></p>
For the Face Plant Image<p>"Why do Scuba Divers fall backwards off a boat?"</p><p>"Because if they fell frontwards they'd still be on the boat" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjv4mt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">hatsnatcher23</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Just told this one to my bf and he still has his face in his hands" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjka0w7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">sxeoompaloompa</a></p>
A Mammal of Few Words<p>"What did the father buffalo say when his child left for school?"</p><p>"Bison" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjp257?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">TatooineLight</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"LOL" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjp9p0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">BennuH</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Told this to my brother, he laughed his a** off." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk4cvq?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Type10Civilization</a></p>
Baggage<p>"When I do home improvements I always use my step ladder"</p><p>"I never knew my real ladder" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjlkab?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">DavosLostFingers</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Whoever took the ladder, please return it or further steps will be taken." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjm2htz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">WaldhornNate</a></p>
Woah Woah Woah, We're in Public<p>"Me: I'm not very hungry, I just want something easy"</p><p>"Server: maybe the chicken strips for $6"</p><p>"Me: maybe it does, but that doesn't help my hunger" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjuq78?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">mcnoobs_</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"My husband was facepalming for solid 8 minutes after I read that joke to him." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjnee7m?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Madanax</a></p>
Not Wrong<p>"Two dudes were on a boat with a few cigarettes, but they didn't have anything to light them, so they threw one of the cigarettes out of the boat, and the boat became a cigarette lighter." </p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjkeoz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">OrangeMirrorJuice</a></p>
Watch the News Before Saying This One<p>"Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?"</p><p>"It's okay, they eventually woke up."</p><p>"I cringe every time." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk0ej7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">unicorndreamz94</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"My 10 year old tried this one a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, I had just read news about a missing local girl. 'So I answered that yes I heard about the missing girl' Scared the sh** out of my 10 year old" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjo3ssv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Aubear11885</a></p>
Got a Million of Em<p>"What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fshhhh."</p><p>"I'm sorry but I'm about to say something tasteless. Water."</p><p>"I got fired from my job at the calendar factory. I took a day off."</p><p>"Unfortunately though, I can't really tell these jokes since I'm not a dad. I'm a faux pa."</p><p> -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk9igl?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">WholeGrainMustard</a></p>
G-Pa With the Physics Humor<p>"Why does the movie "speed" have no director?"</p><p>"If it had direction, it'd be called velocity!"</p><p>"-my grandpa, earlier today" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk4wdo?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ConceptUpset4681</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"That's better than a regular dad joke. It's a grand dad joke." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjkuc30?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">VaultBoy9</a></p>
A Surprising Amount of Elevator Humor<p>"I have a joke about elevators."</p><p>"It works on so many levels......." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk1lrv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">M0ntgomatron</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Did you hear about the corruption at the elevator company?"</p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"It went all the way to the top." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjkyjrp?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">RandomName222222222</a></p>
Cleaning up is hard enough when it's just clearing a month of dust bunnies. Can you imagine cleaning the debris left by murder, suicide and violence? I have a really great friend who used to do crime scene clean-up for a living. The pay is incredible; it starts at $55 an hour. But there is a much higher cost in mental well being. Death affects you in ways you don't always feel immediately. My friend has stories of nightmares, depression and pain after leaving scenes of horror. Why make all that money just to spend it on therapy? It takes a certain type of person.
***TRIGGER WARNING. CONTENTS ARE SENSITIVE ***Redditor u/MemegodDave wanted to hear from the people who have the stomach to come in after crime and tragedy
to try to bring back some form of normalcy to the location by asking... People who make their living out of cleaning murder scenes, accidents and the like, what is the worst thing you have experienced in your career?
Wrapped Up<p>Dad had to saran wrap a guy's intestines back into his body once.</p><p>Dude had surgery and pushed too hard on the toilet. Dude was fine, according to Dad, just holding himself together on the toilet while a group of firefighters tried to figure out why the hell they were sent instead of paramedics.</p><p><em>Update</em> When he pushed too hard he opened a scar on his torso/ab area and it all fell out onto his lap. Should have mentioned this when I wrote the post. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gko9lq0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">noblemile</a><span></span></p>
Flesh<p>One that stuck with me was a suicide in a bathtub, we couldn't drain the tub, so had to use a coagulant then scoop up the bloody mess into biohazard bags. Same for the toilet. Another was a suicide by gun in a basement full of boxes which was a nightmare to clean as even the smallest bit of flesh had to be found and cleaned up. The smell of the smallest piece of flesh meant the job wasn't done until it was found. </p>
Walk Away<p>Medic here, first responder to a motorcycle collision. Guy who crashed was a friend. He'd been torn in half and almost decapitated.</p><p>Had to walk away from the scene and let my driver and another crew handle it. Think about it daily. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gko4y58?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Sabre-23</a><span></span></p>
All over the House<p>I posted this on another thread so just copy and pasted it but this was one that I had to do</p><p>Clean up after a murder. It was a rehab house for ex cons, 4 bedroom house with communal bathroom and kitchen. Sunday morning and guy A is in his room listening to music pretty loud, guy B is in the kitchen cooking his breakfast, B knocks on A's door and tells him to turn it down, there's a small argument and B returns to his breakfast and A turns his music up. So B grabs the biggest knife in the kitchen, kicks in A's door and stabs him through his left shoulder, entering by his collar bone. </p>
"ride-alongs"<p>Not a cleaner, but my brother's best friend is a police officer and I heard all about this horrible experience:</p><p>My brother's friend took him on "ride-alongs," all the time. One day, they were responding to a welfare check. This guy's neighbor saw his apartment door cracked open for several days and called the police. They went to check it out and found a college student (18-19) who had shot himself. </p>
Melt Away<p>When I was a bartender, a couple of clients told me the worst part about the job is cleaning melted bodies.</p><p>I don't know the science behind that, but from what I understand is if a body stays for a while in a certain condition of temperature and humidity, it melts. And those guys have to remove that person's remains in buckets. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gknsqfm?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Kaynny</a><span></span></p>
Audrey<p>I had a great uncle who helped clean up the bodies left behind by hurricane Audrey in 1957 and he said that the smell persisted in his nose for weeks after. It got so bad that he went to the doctor to see if they could do anything and they clipped all of his nose hairs and the smell went away. It was explained to him that the smell had soaked into the hair but I don't claim to know the validity of that statement.</p>
Hazard<p>One of my first jobs after moving I did this, and the job that had me walking wasn't even a scene as described. We did all types of hazmat cleans and the worst was actually a couple went on vacation and came back to backed up sceptic. Think about 1 ft thick hard dried out crusty sceptic waste spread throughout the entire 1st floor of a house. Not going further into detail here. Was nasty.</p><p>Septic, not sceptic. On break and mobile, so yeah... </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gknvzn8?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Kamenovski</a><span></span></p>
After the Crash...<p>Working for a tow truck driver that get the calls after crashes. The worst one for me was a family of 6 coming back with over 10 pizzas for a baseball team. It was a head on with a tractor trailer (18 wheeler). The ambulance took the bodies away of course, everyone died but one little guy. There was so much blood and vomit, diapers, toy dolls covered in blood, the pizza was everywhere inside of the car like 2" thick on everything and all over the road. </p>
Fresh Meat<p>Friend of mine does this.</p><p>His worst was an elderly woman who died in a bath. Skin falls off like long cooked meat. So he just saw piles of skin/flesh</p><p>God just writing this makes me gag. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gknwqwu?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">PlagueDoc22</a><span></span></p>
We all know the telltale signs that something is making us uncomfortable. Suddenly, we begin shaking, either in our hands or knees or toes. Then, usually, sweat starts pouring out of every part of our body, making it look like we just ran through a rainstorm underneath a waterfall. Finally, we lose our regular speech functions. Everything goes out of sync and our words don't match up to what's in our minds.
What's interesting is that what usually brings about these fits of uncomfortableness differs from person to person, as evidenced by the stories below.