During my very first week of my very first job I had a woman place a pair of freshly urine-soaked store panties into my hand as "punishment" for not having public restrooms. Florida Woman is so very, very real, fam.
One Reddit user asked:
"What is your 'I don't get paid enough for this sh*t" moment?"
That's the incident that immediately came to mind, but I'd be lying if I said I was 100% certain it's really the worst job moment. Holiday retail work is a dystopian hell-scape and everyone should be required to serve at least one season.
Think I'm lying? You'll notice a theme that keeps coming up in people's stories ...
Plumber Problems
I'm a plumber
Owner of a mobile home called and said they had a stinky yard.
I could smell it when I pulled up.
The mobile home was brand new and had only been set up for about 8 months. While setting it up, someone didn't tighten a no-hub band of the toilet in the kids bathroom.
8 months of flushed toilet was all over the ground under the home and had just started being noticed outside.
I told the homeowner to call the guys that set it up to come fix it. I wasn't crawling under there.
Back when I did plumbing went out to a job that required us to crawl into the crawl space of about a 200 year old mill house.
I opened up the crawl space and shined my light in there across the crawl space to see all the rafters and pipes just draped in snake skins and some snakes slithering away into the darkness. Noped the f*ck out of that one.
I'd rather crawl though sh*t than snakes.
- Brancher
DVDon't Care
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I worked at Circuit City when I was 17. I heard the noise of packaging being opened in the movie section and found a guy crouched down cutting open DVD boxes & stealing the discs.
He looked at me, held his knife out and said "Got a problem?"
I just replied "I don't get paid enough for this sh*t" & backed off. I went to the back room of the warehouse area to call a manager to tell them what happened.
Never could get a hold of anyone so I just chilled in the warehouse area for a half hour to decompress.
- Skrivus
I worked at a movie store in a mall when I was in my early 20's. I probably would've confronted the guy like an idiot. I had a dumb sense of duty back then, a mothaf*ckin' crusader.
One time I chased a shoplifter out of the store down the mall until security was able to tackle them, he did try to steal like 1k+ of merch but it was stupid, people get killed for less.
You did the right thing.
I also worked at Blockbuster in college for chump change.
A bunch of dudes shoplifted the f*ck out of us and when me and the other guy confronted them about it, they ran out of the door. District Manager asked why I didn't put myself between them and the door to protect the merchandise.
I told them for minimum wage I'm not putting myself in danger to keep a giant corporation from losing some twizzlers and a copy of Friday and Armegeddon.
$7.25 Per Hour Either Way
Grocery store cashier. The customer was angry because her cereal had rung up wrong. I called a price check and this lady berated me the whole time. I recall that she accused me of trying to steal from her. Said she was going to get me fired.
I looked at her and said, "I make $7.25 per hour no matter how much you pay for this cereal, so I do not give a sh*t how this situation turns out."
She stared at me in shock. The price check comes back saying the price scanned correctly.
Silence.
I said, "So do you want the cereal or not?"
She said, "Yes." And that was that. She did not complain to the manager.
A Master's Degree In Pee
I'm a public librarian.
I was helping someone in the computer room and turned to tell someone he needed to keep his exclamations at the video he was watching down. Just then, the woman I was helping leapt aside because the man I was shushing pissed himself.
It ran down onto the jacket he had tied around his waist, down the chair, onto the ground.
Turns out he'd snuck in alcohol and was totally black out drunk. I told him he had to leave. He put the piss covered jacket on and stumbled out.
As I returned with gloves and cleaning supplies, another patron decided this was a good time to complain about some kids who were making noise.
I took a deep breath and said "This is a good time for us all to appeal to our higher selves and do our best in the moment. Please just adapt for a minute."
Then I thought about the student loans I took out for the master's degree as I scrubbed up piss.
A Literal Sh*t Show
Bagging groceries at a major supermarket. The manager came over to tell me that I needed to clean up the bathroom.
An elderly gentleman fell off the toilet while pooping and it was a literal sh*t show. Apparently I was the most qualified because I was 16. I was handed a broom and a dustpan, I sh*t you not (sorry had to.)
My reward for going above and beyond the call of duty? Five dollars in store coupons. Sometimes dreams really do come true.
"I Hold Madonna Responsible"
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I used to work in a mall music store, back when that was a thing. There was a corporate policy to play new music regularly, y'know, because that's the thing you're trying to sell.
My boss, every single day she worked, would play the entire Madonna album Ray of Light. Hours of the same eight f*cking songs. For most of a year, until it was either go mad, commit murder, or bail.
I bailed. I literally quit over it.
That music franchise went under a little over a year later. I hold Madonna and my old boss responsible.
Prime Location For Thieves And Weirdos
I was a manager for a well known lingerie store. Our location was in a failing suburban mall. The store was giant and shaped oddly. There were dressing rooms in odd hidden corners and a few blind spots.
The store was located at the end of the mall next to other stores no one really went to, so there wasn't much foot traffic. We were also always short staffed because no one wanted to work out there. All of those factors made us a prime location for thieves and weirdos.
I would have to do laps around the store due to its layout, and I would regularly come across people doing sex stuff in this one secluded little dressing room. The dressing room was in a sort of alcove and was the least visible spot in the store, so it was prime real estate for all kinds of shenanigans.
It ranged from women doing strip teases for men, to catching couples having oral sex, to catching couples having penetrative sex.
I couldn't take it anymore. I put in my notice the next day.
What was crazy was that corporate always shrugged or laughed it off when I would call and complain that we needed a security guard. I was 21 at the time, and every woman that worked their was between 19-30; it was a safety issue.
They'd also blame us for all the merchandise theft, which we were unable to prevent because there weren't enough bodies in that gigantic store to prevent it.
I was also dating a guy who also worked in the mall, and he told me that they finally closed up that one dressing room not long after I left. He said a lot of folks were pissed because apparently that one little dressing room was a well-known open secret spot for hooking up.
A Javelina's Head
First day at the health department, I'm left at the reception desk alone while literally everyone else in the office went out to a farewell lunch for the person I was replacing. As I was on 90 day probation, wasn't yet licensed and badged, my pay was $7.96/hr.
I'm sitting at reception, and some redneck comes in with a leaking garbage bag and drops it on my desk. It contains a newly be-headed javelina head.
His buddy had been bitten, and it needed to be tested for rabies ASAP.
I had no fucking clue what to do with a bloody leaking garbage bag of javelina head. He couldn't wait for others to return, so he left a number and split.
Turns out, we don't do that sort of thing at the health department. Guy refused to come back.
The Register Light
I worked at Walmart for less than a month in 2009. I scanned a big box fan for a guy and it didn't ring up, so I said "I gotta do a price check on this, I apologize."
The guy said "It's $24.99 you f*cking idiot."
I stared at him for a moment, then reached up and turned my little register light off, turned around, walked out to my car, and went home.
F*ck that shit.
- CDC_
Alone With An Armed Violent Felon
I used to be a counselor at a methadone clinic. Had a client who was going to prison for slitting the throats of his ex-wife's beloved Rottweiler because "I couldn't kill her and it was the best way to hurt her. "
The day he was supposed to go to prison, he showed up at the clinic well after dosing hours demanding his dose. He was no longer on the clinic so, legally, there was no way to do this.
I stood behind the counter and tried to explain the situation to him. He grew more and more irate and then called his lawyer and put me on the phone with him.
His lawyer explained dude didn't show up for prison, was now a fugitive and had pulled a knife on his own sister in her car just outside my clinic. So, dude had a knife. Lawyer told me not to piss dude off. He was violent and to call the cops.
By this point, every other therapist and office worker had gone home. So I told the lawyer thanks, hung up the phone and mosied the f*ck out of the front office and called the cops from the break room.
Dude hopped over the counter and trashed the place then left.
The bosses asked why I didn't stay and make sure he didn't trash the place and ruin stuff. I explained they paid me $10.50 an hour and refused my raise. I was the only man in the building and was left alone with an armed violent felon.
F*ck their stuff.
Undercover In A Booth
I work the lowest type of paid security. My co-workers are literal grannies, disabled people, and hobos. We are not imposing.
I got put on guard duty outside of some garage. There was literally nothing important anywhere close, but they were paranoid about hooligans after the big local derby. Fair enough. Off I go to "guard" the garage.
It all actually went nicely for a while. But then cops showed up, the big guys from our company showed up (with all kinds of additional equipment I never could use) and whoops they escalated the whole situation. The people were fine and friendly til officers arrived.
I couldn't see anything, I could only hear it around the corner. I even left my post to check, but still didn't see anything.
Apparently a violent mob broke loose and was heading in my direction. I had no protection or anything (unarmed security guard all alone) so I took my boss' keys from the not-so-secret location and opened the garage ticket booth - which was closer in size to a phone booth.
I locked it, turned off all the lights and radios, took off my uniform and wore my regular clothes and acted like I was still there to sell tickets.
Anyone halfway informed would've seen through that disguise for so many obvious reasons. I prayed nobody actually tried to buy a ticket or ask questions. At the same time, I couldn't run away either.
The mob rampage was real.
At many points I thought they were gonna throw the whole booth over, but I was lucky.
Destruction hit everything else but the mob somehow respected me and left my booth untouched.
The boss told me the company was pleased that I "protected" the booth.
Honestly, I don't even know what I was supposed to do.
My boss obviously already knew of the mob, so me radioing them would've done nothing. The cops were already there... Really, I should've gone home, but my task was to stay outside and stand in front of the garage, so I did ... so stupid.
The Big Guy
Worked at a bar back in the day.
This big guy had had WAY too much to drink (think colleagues were scared to stop serving him....he was BIIIIG.) As I went to serve him, I saw his condition and refused him.
I genuinely thought he would pass out or worse if he had any more.
He proceeded to grab me by my shirt collar from the other side of the bar, grab his whiskey glass with his other hand and go to smash me over the head.
Luckily his friend (just as drunk, but not a trash person) tackled him to the ground midway through his motion. This was the first of a few similar instances with the same big guy.
He went after a few colleagues and customers.
Loved The Job
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I worked at the front desk of a large humane society doing pretty standard front desk stuff (AKA not a vet or trained professional). I can't count the amount of times people put ziplock baggies of literal dog sh*t infested with living parasites on my desk, near my coffee, or just stuck 2 inches in front of face.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVED that job, but I literally did not get paid enough for that sh*t.
The Excitement He Needed
When I was in college, I had a job taking care of a man who had multiple sclerosis. Basically just helping him with his exercises in the morning, watch TV with him, and then go for a walk in the afternoon. Honestly it is the best job I've had, the man was so nice and had a resilience to him that was unlike anything I've ever witnessed.
Anyway, he is in an electrical wheelchair that he would control. The curbside was very high off the road in his area, so anytime we'd be on a curb side I'd tell him to be careful.
At times one pair of wheels would be on the curb and the other on the road. He could see that I would tense up and go close to him. One day he finally said:
"Don't worry this wheelchair has a strong centre of gravity! It will never fall off"
It did in fact look heavy and sturdy.
Well. We were in front of a baseball field and it made him think of a joke. He had difficulty pronouncing because of the multiple sclerosis, so I had to make him repeat like 5 times.
I finally got the joke and it was really funny. We were laughing. We were on a curbside.
I still remember his wheelchair falling, SO SLOWLY. Because of that strong centre of gravity.
My heart was pounding in my chest. I held his head as he was falling with his wheelchair. I recall being there, sitting in the middle of the road, with his head in my hands, yelling for help as I knew I could never lift up this 200 pound wheelchair and his owner.
I think I can safely say I wasn't paid enough for that job. We eventually got help and he wasn't hurt one bit. Said it was the excitement he needed since nothing ever happened to him. He laughed it off. Such a great soul.
- kittynaw
Wrestling Figures
Nearing the end of KB Toys, at least in the mall where I worked.
Assistant manager "found" a bunch of ripped open WWE figure packages. They called loss prevention in. I was accosted over stealing figures, because I was the only employee who bought figures at that store - or I was until that assistant started there.
He was also a big wrestling fan.
After about 20 minutes of continued baseless accusations, I got up, threw my shirt in that assistant's face and said "f*ck you I don't need this" and walked out.
Guessing they closed the investigation off as though I did it and was terminated for it. A couple of years later, I applied to Game Crazy and was declined a position because my name showed up in a national theft database for around $200.
Of course it was after KB was closed, so I had no legal recourse.
- eldniw
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When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.