Who you are is enough. What you are capable of is beyond sufficient. You matter and there is no need to be ashamed. If anything comes from reading this piece, let it be the realization that none of us are alone. Even in this time of turmoil, isolation and frightening uncertainty; there are others feeling similar things, and there are people who want to listen. We all hide pieces of ourselves and exposing those pieces to loved ones can be a daunting, harrowing ordeal. But you can do it. You should it. When you're ready. Until then.... we're here.
Redditor u/shunyatleung wanted to know who had some truth they needed to unburden, maybe the audience can work as a test run. They wondered..... What is a secret that you don't mind telling to 29 million anonymous people but not to people you know?Phony.
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I lie to a point that i create memories to the point where it gets hard to know if they were false or not. Sometimes I can call myself out on my own lies and I can remember it, other times i have my siblings or parents call me out because of it never happening. No one else besides them knows that i am lying and i usually tell people that i am a chronic liar. The worst part is when people bring it up and i remember it as a memory only to argue with a person who knows it as a lie
I want to give up.
I have written a book, and I sent query letters and sample chapters to over 100 literary agents in 2019, but none of them were interested. To my friends and family, I'm staying optimistic, and talking about sending it out to 100 more. But in reality, I'm completely discouraged, and even thought I do have a list of agents I haven't tried yet, I can't bring myself to try anymore. I mean, one hundred freakin' agents?
Ugh. That's my secret: I want to give up. I can't drag myself into the line of fire anymore.
'forget it' attitude....
The two years I spent as a semi-professional BDSM Dom. I plan to keep this from my family and take this to my grave. Right time, right place for me. I wasn't actively looking, but I was fresh out of my first marriage, having been cheated on and replaced by a teenager. I was pretty pissed, a bit jaded and oozed a level of apathy that could be mistaken for a level of aloofness.
I guess the 'forget it' attitude, realization of a newly found freedom and the confidence that comes from it (plus being in great shape and aesthetically pleasing) got me noticed by someone. That someone just happened to have been a part of the industry there and thought the madam should meet me.
After that, two years of fun.
Just Fine
Even though I go to therapy and I say I'm doing fine, I'm really struggling more.
As a clinical psychologist, I can tell you that feeling you are struggling more can be related to actually addressing your issues, this happens a lot, its not easy to face your shadows, and when you do, it can feel quite overwhelming, idk if you already do, but don't keep the "I'm doing fine" mask with your therapist, and if you feel like you need to, or don't feel the freedom to open completely, maybe you should try another therapist/method. I wish you the very best!
Not Alone
Sometimes I seriously contemplate just leaving. I would never do it, I have a wonderful family, a beautiful home, I'm spoiled beyond belief by my husband but sometimes I feel like I'm choking on my life.
This. I shouldn't complain, really. I do love my wife. She is gorgeous, fit, strong work ethic. I have two teenage kids who outside of the normal teenage rebellion are good kids. Live in a good neighborhood.
Still feels like I am putting on a mask everyday. And not the kind I'm supposed to.
How do I do it?
By the end of high school, everyone liked me. At work everyone likes me. How do I do it? I am terrified of what people think of me so I put on a smile and don't say anything bad, which is also why I haven't cried in over 10 years. I have never gotten into a fight or gotten drunk because Im afraid I will lose control and severely injure someone.
I never get angry for the same reason that I don't wanna be judged. I don't form close relationships easily because I'm afraid of what will happen if they fall apart. Finally there's a good chance I will never get married and have kids because of what me and my siblings went through when my parents separated.
Covid Days
I have an eating disorder. I've never been diagnosed but I've been struggling for 25 years. I was doing ok for the past 2ish but Covid caused me to snap and now I went back to not eating and excessive exercise. I've lost more weight in the last four weeks than i gained in the last 2 years. i finally told my husband about it on Monday, but no one else (family/friends/coworkers) know.
Daddy Issues
I hate being a father.
I know, I know, it's a horrible thing to say but I hate it. Being a father wasn't something I jumped into or was a mistake. I wasn't pressured into it or received an ultimatum to have kids. It was planned between my fiancé and I and it was what I thought I wanted, for years. I've always dreamt of having a family, I watched my own family fall apart when I was young and always knew that was what I wanted or what I thought I wanted.
Now two kids later, I can't help but think that I made a mistake. I love my kids, I treat them well and I'm constantly told how great of a father I am. But I hate being a father. I miss the time had to myself, I miss only having to take myself into consideration. I've realized since having kids that I'm an incredible selfish person at heart and hate having my time be disrupted.
Despite all of that, I'd never leave or abandon my children. I love them and their mother dearly. The smile my youngest gives me when I walk in the door makes me very happy. But I can't help feeling regret, like I'm missing out on things I want to do.
I actually have told my fiancé about this and despite my fear, she's been supportive and is helping me through these feelings. A friend, who is a therapist, said that I'm going through a male version of Post Partum since these feelings started about 2 months ago when my youngest turned 4 months old and my oldest turned 2 years old. None of my other friends or family know about this and never will.
I hope I can work through these feelings. I'm afraid that my boys will think that I don't want them or that I don't love them because of these feelings. This is probably the most conflicted, convoluted emotion I've ever felt. It's irrational and illogical and is throwing me off because I've always been a logical and rational person.
My Sister....
The reason why I'm not going to enter to a very stressful career, I'm taking a better care of myself and trying to get a job it's because I wanna donate my sister a kidney and get money for her meds, but she would hate if I did that and that's why she can't know.
Byeeeee
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Once I get a stable job and move out, I plan on cutting my family off since they're just too toxic. I also plan on getting a protection order against my brother.
Unkind
I am broken from my mom's abuse of me. People who know me in real life say I'm the nicest person they've ever met. I fall over backwards to be nice to everyone. But I really don't like most people I meet. I think a lot of people are A-holes or idiots.
I'm Packing
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I may give up one of my nationalities/citizenships because I do not want to be linked to that place at all.
Fender Benders
I once had a very minor car accident (it wasn't even an accident, I just hit someone's external rearview mirror with mine) and I was coerced into giving up the cash then and there rather than go through the proper procedures of alarming the insurance policy and all that stuff. I will never know if I gave up more than due (apparently the dude had the father working in mechanics and called him to ask for the price of the rearview mirror) or I was half-scammed (half because it was my fault after all) and I simply decided it was a bad dream and that it never, ever happened.
Hanging On
That I'm suicidal.
Edit: I didn't expect this to blow up. Thank you for the people trying to help me with this. I'll try to get in touch with another psych soon and try to inquire how i can get subsidized meds. Ive been in therapy for my ptsd for a almost a year before Covid and i also have bipolar disorder, MDD and MAD but i had to fly home due to the pandemic. My home is in another island and is far from any government hospitals.
Appointment here on my country for private hospitals already costs me 3 to 5 days of my salary which i am having a hard time to sustain same with my medications since they cost 8 times for non subsidized pharmacy. Its hard, especially in my country, treatments for mental illnesses are commonly seen are seen as a luxury given they are very expensive. But I'll try my best to hang on. Maybe soon once this pandemic is over, ill be able to go back for therapy. Thank you everyone.
I'm so tired.
The only reason why I haven't straight up killed myself yet is I don't want other people in my life to be sad. I know many other people have it worse as well, so who am I to be so down? I'll just fill up my schedule and put on a mask. I don't want to be a burden. But... yeah... I haven't been living because I genuinely want to for a very long time. I'm so tired.
Humans Out
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A couple years ago, I used to be the most optimistic person you would ever meet.
Now I'm a nihilist that believes humanity was a mistake.
i was ready
I wish my sister had been unsuccessful at breaking in to where I was laying, hours away from death. Every single day the only thing I can remember with certainty (have amnesia from the brain damage) is that I was ready to die and was only upset that it was a shit way to go, I hadn't said my goodbyes, etc.
It wasn't even suicide. I was just sick. It would've been fine.
"well.... I'm bi..."
I am pretty sure I am bisexual even though I never had a sexual experience with an other man.
You don't have to act on anything if you don't want to. I met a greek dude last year who was bicurious and we had fun, but the best moment was right after when he rolled over and stared directly into my soul and went "well.... I'm bi..." and started laughing.
Lower Lows
I struggle with depression and it sucks. Sometimes I struggle to get out of bed. Other days I struggle to get dressed. When you see me in public (which is rarer and rarer these days) you don't see the real me. You see a fake persona.
Same. It's not fake for me but there is a much deeper me at certain times of my night that I'm completely different from who everyone thought I was.
Sorry Pop
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I might possibly have the opportunity to put my dad away in prison for felonies, but I can't bring myself to do it. He deserves to be in prison, but I'm not ready for all the kick back I would get from doing so.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resource
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