The Special Video
When my son was 3 I bought my wife 'Titanic' on video - yes, it was a long time ago - for her birthday. He asked if he could watch it after nursery school. We said that it wasn't really a film for children, it was a film for grown ups, like mummy and daddy. When I picked him up later his nursery teacher was stifling her laughter as he had been telling everyone all day that it was his mummy's birthday that day and that daddy had bought mummy a special video that only mummies and daddies could watch....
I teach two year olds, and we were asking the kids what their parents' names were, just to see if they knew. I asked a little boy, "What's mommy's name?" He says, "Michelle." Then I asked "What's daddy's name?" And he looks confused, as if he's trying to figure out the answer, but can't. So I ask, "What does Mommy call Daddy?" Assuming he would say John, instead he looked up at me and says, "Big Papa." I couldn't help but bust out laughing.
Black Is A Gender?
Not really a shocking secret but it got a laugh out of me. I had my preschoolers rounded up for circle time. Going off their interests of the day I decided to ask who was a boy and who was a girl since that's what happened to be the one thing every 3 year old cared about that day. Through the sea of children I hear a couple responses: "I'm a boy!" "I'm a girl!" etc... Then out of nowhere all the way in the back I hear "I'm black!" He sure was. God I miss that class. Good times.
One girl in particular had a meltdown one day when she had an accident in her underwear. Turned out that her mom would slap her when she "misbehaved," which included accidents. Needless to say we reported the mother to CPS and did a rush job washing the girls clothing so she could go home in the same clothes she wore to school, without her mom knowing about the accident.
3 year old told me he had belly aches everyday because mommy gave him to much sleepy juice. I said what's what? He didn't know. I brought it up to her and she said like it was all normal and fine, even with a little laugh
*"Ah, yeah sometimes I give him a little bit to much NyQuil because the little s*** doesn't sleep" *
I explained that no child that age should have any NyQuil. It even says so on the bottle! She laughed it off and said
*"oh he's been getting it since he was a year old, nothing bad has happened." *
CPS was called.
Not Racism, Just Star Wars
We had a family from Texas move to the daycare I worked at in Illinois. The boy would try and tell us stories but we never could fully get all the details for it to make sense. It would usually go like this:
Boy: You know who's bad?
Me: Who is bad?
Boy: The black man.
Boy: The black man is bad. He hurts people.
Me: What man? Why does he hurt people?
Boy: The black man. He's scary.
After a few weeks of this (the boy was the one to always bring the "black man" topic up) I finally was able to discover that "the black man" was Darth Vader. I had assumed that perhaps this southern family had a streak of racism but it just turned out I was prejudiced against Southerners...
There was a little girl and boy, about 3 and 1, they were in foster care and had great foster parents. They would get picked up about once a week by a social worker and taken to their parents for visits. When they came back from the first un-supervised visit, the little 1 year old started breathing really heavy and raspy and then all the sudden barley breathing at all. We think maybe it's an allergic reaction to something?
Obviously, we call an ambulance.
Then, not even 10 minuets after he's off to the hospital, it happens to the little 3 year old. She starts throwing up to and then not being able to breath. So we're all terrified wondering what could be going on?! The daycare owner goes to the hospital with the kids. We got a call later to let us know what happened.
It turns out the biological parents poisoned both of the kids during their unsupervised visit.
They turned out okay, the little boy had a lot more in his system and was in the hospital for a few months. But over all, everything went back to normal. Needless to say the parents went to prison. Their reason for doing it was because if they couldn't have them then no one else was raising them. Which made no sense because they were fairly close to getting them back.
I used to work at a church during the summer and one time and little boy just up and told me as we were walking to chapel that his daddy spanks his mommy with a wooden spoon after they go to bed. Obviously nothing illegal here but it was a funny story and the parents were informed that their little angel knew of their shenanigans and to have a talk with him.
The French Fry Grudge
Our little one is aggressively willing to share when she's mad at us. She saw that Daddy and I left the room and without skipping a beat, took one wide-eyed and completely sincere look at Grandma and goes, completely unprompted:
**"Daddy's mean to me, he yells at me and I don't like him at all." **
Grandma gets to the bottom of it and it turns out it's because he told her to calm down after a tantrum about not getting McDonald's french fries 3 days ago. This four-year-old held a THREE DAY GRUDGE about french fries and tried to report Daddy to Grandma. I could not believe it. lol
With a group of 3 year olds we were coloring paper ties for Father's Day and talking about what their dads liked to do. As the kids were calling out their dads' hobbies, one little girl had an epiphany. She gasped and shouted in excitement: "I have a dad!"
She had recently been adopted by her foster parents.
I once had CPS called on my parents because I told my daycare worker "there was nothing to eat and I was starving". True story was my mom hadn't had time to get groceries and asked my dad to go before I left for daycare, saying something like "could you pick up the groceries, I don't want her to starve for another day tomorrow". I actually had breakfast that morning but not the usual and refused to eat it all. I never saw my mom so embarrassed ever again.
The Balloon In Her Booby
My kindergarten class had parent volunteers come in sometimes to help with projects. My mom signed up and came one day, but the other mother who was supposed to also come in called out sick. At recess my mom saw the mother's son and said something like "Hi [kid name] I heard your mommy was sick and I hope she feels better. Is she okay?" The boy said "Yeah, she's okay but the balloon in her booby popped and she had to go to the doctor to get it fixed." Basically, she called out because her breast implant leaked or had some issue. Not really shocking, just kind of funny.
Needed Immediate Therapy
I taught the toddlers, but as the day wound down and the number of kids in the building dropped, they would slowly all trickle into one room for playtime and to basically wait to be picked up. I was the teacher in charge of the End of Day Playroom as well. There were two 11-year-old twins who were constantly happy, outgoing rays of sunshine. One day, they just weren't. I asked them if everything was okay. Apparently, over the weekend, their family had gone out to dinner and a movie - took about 3-4 hours. When they returned, their house was a bloodbath. Apparently their three dogs had gotten into a fight which resulted in one dog dying. The girls walked in on the two surviving dogs, covered in blood, eating the third dog. Apparently, their parents enrolled them in therapy almost immediately and it seemed to help a lot.
I dated a girl with 2 kids. I was watching them while she went to the doctor. She had a serious medical problem and she wanted the kids to not be there and see her all stressed out. Was watching toy story with her 3 year old daughter. I guess the daughter started understanding that her mom and i are more than friends. She said "would you hit momma?" I was shocked and i said "of course not! What put that idea in your head?" And she teared up and said "my daddy used to hit her." And she started crying. I just did my best. I explained to her that i would never hurt any of them and how people who love each other should behave and that her dad had a sickness that caused him to act strangely (he was an addict.) i got her a popsicle and she calmed down as buzz lightyear and woody were flying into the car. I was aware that their dad hit their mom, but i didnt know the daughter witnessed it or would even remember.