There are unspoken boundaries you just don't cross as a bridesmaid—like stealing the bride's spotlight to make an announcement about yourself.
But one bridesmaid went there.
Redditor "hipposarelife" became resentful after one of her best friends upstaged her wedding—that was two years in the making—with news of her pregnancy.
The original poster then asked users if she was the "a$$hole" for being upset.
"I got married two weekends ago. I asked my three best friends Anna, Kelly and Laura to be my bridesmaids 2 years before the wedding and found them very helpful when planning."
What is it about Laura?
"For the morning of my wedding I hired a fancy penthouse apartment for myself and the bridesmaids to get ready. We had champagne and as we were pouring it out, Laura said none for her."
"Now Laura is the biggest party animal of us all so naturally we questioned why she wasn't drinking. Laura then told us she was pregnant."
The OP felt threatened by Laura's good news encroaching on the main event.
"Of course I was happy for her but obviously the focus was then on Laura and her pregnancy and not us getting ready for my wedding, something I had been planning for 2 years."
"Anyway. We all got ready and headed to the venue. The photographer kept us outside the venue for a short while so he could do posed photos with myself and the bridesmaids."
As the photographer arranged for the obligatory group shot, Laura decided to break convention with a personal pose.
"I was holding my bouquet, Anna and Kelly were holding theirs but Laura placed hers on the floor and was standing with her hands cradling her stomach as if to emphasize her bump (which wasn't noticeable as she's barely 12 weeks)."
"The photographer asked her to pick her flowers up so all of us were holding our bouquets and Laura refused and said 'oh it's ok I'd prefer to stand like this' and carried on cradling her stomach."
"So now those photos just look weird."
"The rest of the day went smoothly until it came to the speeches. As Laura was my oldest friend naturally I asked her to say a few words."
The speech was promising, until it wasn't.
"She stood up and said some nice words, then ended her speech with 'and I'm so excited to announce that as Bride's best friend, I'd like her to be an honorary aunt to my baby who is due summer 2020!.'"
"With her being an old family friend of course my family were over the moon and again the attention was on her and her pregnancy and not me and my husband."
These are the things that ruin friendships.
"I felt so upset on my wedding day and haven't really spoke to Laura much since."
"She has since sent me a text saying I'm acting like a spoiled brat and the world doesn't revolve around me."
The OP asked if she was "not the a$$hole" (NTA) for being upset and distancing herself from Laura.
Redditors were happy to respond.
"At first it seemed innocuous enough because you asked about her not drinking, but she spent the rest of the day deliberately drawing attention to her pregnancy and that's rude af."
"You have every right to be upset and she owes you an apology, most specifically for using her toast to make an announcement to your entire wedding reception." – knifewrenchhh
"Yeah, she essentially used your wedding photos as her pregnancy photoshoot... NTA for sure." – snoozin_sarandon
"I would have had the other bridesmaids change their pose so they're all doing the same thing. F**k that attention seeking brat, I don't care if you're excited the condom broke, let your friend have her day, ffs." – booksblanketsandtea
"OP's situation is as bad as someone proposing to their significant other at a wedding, or the bride's mother wearing a wedding dress."
"Any one of these is an outrageous and insanely rude usurpation of someone else's wedding that they paid for, not you. Your wedding is supposed to be about the bride and groom, or brides, or grooms. If someone else wants the spotlight to be on them, they can pay for it. Holy crap."
"I'm especially shocked that Laura refused to stand the way OP asked for when she wasn't paying for the photos. Now she's stuck with photos that look weird - which she paid hundreds or even thousands of dollars for - because someone else was conceited." – HellKat1988
"Talk about stealing the spotlight. It seems to me that she had ample time to say something prior to YOUR wedding day."
"Then once she has hijacked the mood she doubles and triples down on it. Extremely rude." – toddfredd
Photoshop can work wonders.
"Shop it so she's cradling a large vase of flowers!" – buickgnx88
"Oh my god, you could make a whole photoshop series with her cradling ridiculous things. PLEASE do this." – jokeyhaha
"Please put in a bouquet, but instead of a flower make it a tiny 12 week old fetus on each stem." – saltysanford
But the photographer could have intervened.
"I think either that the photographer or the OP should have said something."
"Like it sucks that it progressed the way it did, but if I were in OP's shoes, I'd shut that s**t down."
"'That's nice that you prefer standing that way, but we're doing my wedding pictures right now and I don't need you baby bumping without a baby bump. How about we do a couple shots at the end for you, and you can use those if you want to announce it after my wedding is over.'"
"You teach people how to treat you. And yes, the photographer should have also pushed back. Laura didn't pay for those pictures, OP did." – StrangerOnTheReddit
"Am I off base to think that the photographer should've made more of an effort to intervene?"
"I mean, I know conflict resolution isn't in the official job description, but I feel like wrangling the wedding party and setting up a good shot is, and someone really skilled & experienced at the job might have been able to speak up in the client's best interest without making a scene." – LittleDogTurpie
This is something you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy, but worth considering before creating a lasting memory for someone else's wedding photo.
"As someone who has had several miscarriages, to document the pregnancy in such a permanent way could be painful for the friend and others in the long run."
"During my first pregnancy I wouldn't have thought it would end in miscarriage, but I wouldn't have used my friend's wedding day for my glory either." – elainemarieseinfeld
"That's what I was thinking! 12 weeks is still early. I miscarried at 12 weeks."
"Luckily our family/best friends were the only ones who knew so we didn't have to tell a bunch of people. I cant imagine having those pictures to remind me of it, plus having to tell all those people!"
"You KNOW somebody who didn't hear about the miscarriage would ask her about the baby in a few months and that would be awful to have to explain." – JustLetMeGetAName
"I could not agree more! I've lost four all within the first 10 weeks. I could not imagine taking pictures cradling my stomach that early, or at someone else's wedding."
"Now I was nine months pregnant as a bridesmaid in my brother in law's wedding. The photographer took several shots centered on my big stomach which made me very uncomfortable."
"Thankfully the bride thought it was funny, but the one picture with my brother in law holding a cup to my stomach trying to listen to the baby was just too weird." – Stevi100183
This family understood the proper way of making sure both occasions were equally celebrated.
"So going to second the NTA. We found out we were expecting our first (and my family's first) child a few days before my brother's wedding."
"The only way he and his bride figured this out was because my wife wasn't drinking (something she is very skilled at). It was during the reception that they asked and we quietly confirmed. A quick private congratulations from them and then all the attention was back on them."
"We didn't say a word to anyone, particularly my family, that day. Of course, the next day, once the newlyweds had left for their honeymoon, we shared with my family. And everyone was over the moon. And easy to feel this way about both the new marriage and the child to come."
"And my wife and I were seen as respectful for waiting to share the news. And my brother and wife were more than happy for us as the pregnancy progressed." – tpodr
Can the ladies come back from this and one day look back and laugh?
"Hey, but those photos of her cradling what are essentially trapped farts in her abdomen will be hilarious once things have cooled off a bit." – avocado_toast
There are times and places for things, and we could all do better by staying in our respective lanes.
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.