There are unspoken boundaries you just don't cross as a bridesmaid—like stealing the bride's spotlight to make an announcement about yourself.
But one bridesmaid went there.
Redditor "hipposarelife" became resentful after one of her best friends upstaged her wedding—that was two years in the making—with news of her pregnancy.
The original poster then asked users if she was the "a$$hole" for being upset.
"I got married two weekends ago. I asked my three best friends Anna, Kelly and Laura to be my bridesmaids 2 years before the wedding and found them very helpful when planning."
What is it about Laura?
"For the morning of my wedding I hired a fancy penthouse apartment for myself and the bridesmaids to get ready. We had champagne and as we were pouring it out, Laura said none for her."
"Now Laura is the biggest party animal of us all so naturally we questioned why she wasn't drinking. Laura then told us she was pregnant."
The OP felt threatened by Laura's good news encroaching on the main event.
"Of course I was happy for her but obviously the focus was then on Laura and her pregnancy and not us getting ready for my wedding, something I had been planning for 2 years."
"Anyway. We all got ready and headed to the venue. The photographer kept us outside the venue for a short while so he could do posed photos with myself and the bridesmaids."
As the photographer arranged for the obligatory group shot, Laura decided to break convention with a personal pose.
"I was holding my bouquet, Anna and Kelly were holding theirs but Laura placed hers on the floor and was standing with her hands cradling her stomach as if to emphasize her bump (which wasn't noticeable as she's barely 12 weeks)."
"The photographer asked her to pick her flowers up so all of us were holding our bouquets and Laura refused and said 'oh it's ok I'd prefer to stand like this' and carried on cradling her stomach."
"So now those photos just look weird."
"The rest of the day went smoothly until it came to the speeches. As Laura was my oldest friend naturally I asked her to say a few words."
The speech was promising, until it wasn't.
"She stood up and said some nice words, then ended her speech with 'and I'm so excited to announce that as Bride's best friend, I'd like her to be an honorary aunt to my baby who is due summer 2020!.'"
"With her being an old family friend of course my family were over the moon and again the attention was on her and her pregnancy and not me and my husband."
These are the things that ruin friendships.
"I felt so upset on my wedding day and haven't really spoke to Laura much since."
"She has since sent me a text saying I'm acting like a spoiled brat and the world doesn't revolve around me."
The OP asked if she was "not the a$$hole" (NTA) for being upset and distancing herself from Laura.
Redditors were happy to respond.
"At first it seemed innocuous enough because you asked about her not drinking, but she spent the rest of the day deliberately drawing attention to her pregnancy and that's rude af."
"You have every right to be upset and she owes you an apology, most specifically for using her toast to make an announcement to your entire wedding reception." – knifewrenchhh
"Yeah, she essentially used your wedding photos as her pregnancy photoshoot... NTA for sure." – snoozin_sarandon
"I would have had the other bridesmaids change their pose so they're all doing the same thing. F**k that attention seeking brat, I don't care if you're excited the condom broke, let your friend have her day, ffs." – booksblanketsandtea
"OP's situation is as bad as someone proposing to their significant other at a wedding, or the bride's mother wearing a wedding dress."
"Any one of these is an outrageous and insanely rude usurpation of someone else's wedding that they paid for, not you. Your wedding is supposed to be about the bride and groom, or brides, or grooms. If someone else wants the spotlight to be on them, they can pay for it. Holy crap."
"I'm especially shocked that Laura refused to stand the way OP asked for when she wasn't paying for the photos. Now she's stuck with photos that look weird - which she paid hundreds or even thousands of dollars for - because someone else was conceited." – HellKat1988
"Talk about stealing the spotlight. It seems to me that she had ample time to say something prior to YOUR wedding day."
"Then once she has hijacked the mood she doubles and triples down on it. Extremely rude." – toddfredd
Photoshop can work wonders.
"Shop it so she's cradling a large vase of flowers!" – buickgnx88
"Oh my god, you could make a whole photoshop series with her cradling ridiculous things. PLEASE do this." – jokeyhaha
"Please put in a bouquet, but instead of a flower make it a tiny 12 week old fetus on each stem." – saltysanford
But the photographer could have intervened.
"I think either that the photographer or the OP should have said something."
"Like it sucks that it progressed the way it did, but if I were in OP's shoes, I'd shut that s**t down."
"'That's nice that you prefer standing that way, but we're doing my wedding pictures right now and I don't need you baby bumping without a baby bump. How about we do a couple shots at the end for you, and you can use those if you want to announce it after my wedding is over.'"
"You teach people how to treat you. And yes, the photographer should have also pushed back. Laura didn't pay for those pictures, OP did." – StrangerOnTheReddit
"Am I off base to think that the photographer should've made more of an effort to intervene?"
"I mean, I know conflict resolution isn't in the official job description, but I feel like wrangling the wedding party and setting up a good shot is, and someone really skilled & experienced at the job might have been able to speak up in the client's best interest without making a scene." – LittleDogTurpie
This is something you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy, but worth considering before creating a lasting memory for someone else's wedding photo.
"As someone who has had several miscarriages, to document the pregnancy in such a permanent way could be painful for the friend and others in the long run."
"During my first pregnancy I wouldn't have thought it would end in miscarriage, but I wouldn't have used my friend's wedding day for my glory either." – elainemarieseinfeld
"That's what I was thinking! 12 weeks is still early. I miscarried at 12 weeks."
"Luckily our family/best friends were the only ones who knew so we didn't have to tell a bunch of people. I cant imagine having those pictures to remind me of it, plus having to tell all those people!"
"You KNOW somebody who didn't hear about the miscarriage would ask her about the baby in a few months and that would be awful to have to explain." – JustLetMeGetAName
"I could not agree more! I've lost four all within the first 10 weeks. I could not imagine taking pictures cradling my stomach that early, or at someone else's wedding."
"Now I was nine months pregnant as a bridesmaid in my brother in law's wedding. The photographer took several shots centered on my big stomach which made me very uncomfortable."
"Thankfully the bride thought it was funny, but the one picture with my brother in law holding a cup to my stomach trying to listen to the baby was just too weird." – Stevi100183
This family understood the proper way of making sure both occasions were equally celebrated.
"So going to second the NTA. We found out we were expecting our first (and my family's first) child a few days before my brother's wedding."
"The only way he and his bride figured this out was because my wife wasn't drinking (something she is very skilled at). It was during the reception that they asked and we quietly confirmed. A quick private congratulations from them and then all the attention was back on them."
"We didn't say a word to anyone, particularly my family, that day. Of course, the next day, once the newlyweds had left for their honeymoon, we shared with my family. And everyone was over the moon. And easy to feel this way about both the new marriage and the child to come."
"And my wife and I were seen as respectful for waiting to share the news. And my brother and wife were more than happy for us as the pregnancy progressed." – tpodr
Can the ladies come back from this and one day look back and laugh?
"Hey, but those photos of her cradling what are essentially trapped farts in her abdomen will be hilarious once things have cooled off a bit." – avocado_toast
There are times and places for things, and we could all do better by staying in our respective lanes.