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People Share Their Best 'F**k This, I'm Outta Here' Experiences

People Share Their Best 'F**k This, I'm Outta Here' Experiences
Tara Moore/GettyImages

As much as many of us don't like to disrupt the status quo, there is only so much time a person can tolerate a miserable situation before things become so unbearable that they ultimately have to peace out.

For some people, it takes a while for them to reach a breaking point. Eventually, there comes a time when they realize their self-worth is more important than continuing to please others who don't appreciate them for the sake of keeping up with appearances.


Curious to hear from people whose patience ran thin and made a strong decision, Reddit Prestigious-Order-62 asked:

"What made you say 'f'k this sh*t im out?'"


The unwarranted reprimanding was something that was never mentioned in the initial job description.

Feeling Criminal

"In the late 90’s."

"One time I got pulled into the Security office at a Department store I worked at. They accused me of constantly using the sales day coupons for people that didn’t present one (we always kept an extra copy at each register). I had watched my own department boss do it many times so I assumed it was okay. We didn’t even collect the coupons to be counted for the cash office, we just chucked them after use."

"They claimed I lost the store hundreds of dollars and had been watching me 'for months' do this awful, unforgivable crime for people spending 90 bucks on already bloated price designer jeans. I’m sure the occasional 10% discount was just devastating. 🙄""I got this huge lecture of how I was LITERALLY stealing from the store and they COULD call the police but would give me a chance to work off the damage. I couldn’t believe how criminal I was made to feel over it. The best part when they called my boss in who pretended to have never done it before to save her own a**."

"I asked if they were firing me. They said 'Yes and No. You will be let go, but you can choose to work off the damages so we don’t take you to court.' I told them I will just quit and asked for my last check. They said they will deduct what I owe from my last check. And I said 'Well then you need to show me all the footage and prove that I was stealing.' They wouldn’t produce footage, finally called the cops, and when the cops arrived, they were just as confused and called it an internal problem and advised them that this was overblown. I think they felt sorry for me. So finally upper management came in and just said 'just issue the last check, I will sign it here.' So much drama over so stupid a thing."

"It was sad because that actual day my Mom and daughter had come to the mall to meet me for lunch and I had to explain I just was forced to quit that job and was never allowed in that store again like I was some awful jerk."

"It was nice a few short years later, the entire chain bankrupted."

– Munich11

Power Trip

"A coworker waited until we were in front of a large group of people to start 'disciplining' me for something 'wrong' I did (I took my lunch 15 mins late to help another coworker) when she wasn’t even my supervisor. Applied for a job transfer the next day and couldn’t be happier where I am now."

– _shes_a_jar

Abusive Boss

"I had a piece of sh*t of a boss. He'd praise you in private but berate you in public. In front of coworkers and customers. Always about stuff that didn't matter."

"He'd also happily break company policy to side with customers after you spent an hour telling a customer you can't give them stuff for free, for example. Any time he was around, everything was miserable."

"My only regret is that I wasn't there to see him marched out by corporate when he got fired, because I had gone on to a better job by then."

– redisforever

Human Punching Bag

"I used to work in a Kitchen at a pub, it was grim work, but I had freinds there and had worked there for 3 years, So it wasn't too bad."

"One Christmas season we were being absolutely pumped, full out functions and busy services. My boss at the time was very stressed and fair enough, We were busy, We were all working overtime and full out. He used any excuse to completely blow up and absolutely scream at me for little to no reason, essentially him yelling at me was his stress relief. But fine, whatever, kitchens are rough places, no appolagies or anything, move on."

"I then go away for 3 weeks over the Christmas holidays and spend the time road tripping around the country having an amazing time."

"First shift back, not pleased being back, he makes a snarky comment."

"F'k this, Im out."

– Freddy54323

Punishment For Time Off

"Got back from a vacation I had planned months in advance only to hear that the team was angry at me for taking time off when we were in the middle of a big project. People I respected started talking shit behind my back.""

"That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I put in my two weeks the next day."

– SirCoughAGuy

Lost In Translation

"My first ever job was at a Korean grocery store in the USA. I made it very clear I don't speak any languages other than english, I stressed this multiple times during my interview. They said it was fine I would just be doing stocking j don't need to know the language. 3 weeks in I got absolutely screamed at for not being able to read Korean, I'm talking like the kind of screaming that damages your throat. I told them to f'k themselves and walked out in the middle of my shift."

valkdoor

Even though these employees weren't chewed out in front of co-workers, the low salary without room for negotiation made them not wanting to stick around for much longer.

You Only Get One Job

"They cut my hours so I had to get a second job. 3 days before I was supposed to start said second job, my manager at the main job told me that I couldn't get this second job because I had main job first and I needed to make it my priority. That's when I said f'k you and left. I didn't even give a notice, I literally just sent an email saying I wouldn't be coming in the next day, grabbed my sh*t and went home."

– ginger_princess2009

Meager Wage

"I used to work Retail and after 7 years at the company, I found out I was only making 50 cents more an hour than someone who just started yesterday. I understood if they couldn't pay me more and asked for a good schedule. 7-3 or 8-4 every day and the same two days off every week. I didn't even ask for weekends off."

"I was told that they couldn't give me a good schedule so I quit."

– maybeashly

No Promotion For You!

"Got strung along for a promotion for over a year, interviewing multiple times for it. Did not get the promotion, then later found out the one who did had been selected months prior."

– Chasingtheimprobable

Situations weren't much different outside the work place. Social dilemmas prompted these Redditors to say, "nope."

Rude Reception

"Went to a pub because a friend kept asking. When I got there, he was with a group of people I didn't know, so I introduced myself and got the next round. As I come back with the tray, I hear them saying something along the lines of 'why is that b*tch still here? I thought she was just supposed to drop off a bicycle?' 'Ya, we don't want her to come to <this other town with more pubs> and now she is drinking with us?' 'She's so dumb' *proceeds to imitate and ridicule me as I was actively listening and nodding when I was having a conversation with my friend."

"Gave the beer to random people and walked right out after saying good evening to my friend and briefly explaining I did not appreciate being tricked into being a bicycle taxi for people who hate me directly after meeting me."

– ILikeLamas678

A Shocking Incident

"I was on my boat fishing for bass. I casted out my line and watched the lure hit the water but the line just floated in the air. Lightning and thunder crashed and the line fell to the water. F'k this sh*t, I'm out."

– fsh4fun051

Femme Fatale

"She lined my bed with broken glass put the blankets over it and I dove on in lol."

"Edit: She was violent/crazy and on drugs, was like the 20th attack I took and that made me really think lol."

– MyLifeForAuir1

Ally For The Ex

"I found nudes of his ex (from ten years ago) that I’d previously asked him twice to get rid of tucked in a pair of MY socks. Our couples counselor asked why he’d kept them and he said, 'You know. In case I ever needed to blackmail her.' He said it like it was a perfectly normal and reasonable thing to plan to do. The therapist and I locked eyes and I noped the f'k out of there and moved out."

– Previous_Mood_3251

Bacterial Breeding Ground

"Finding peeled potatos in a pot of water under a sink and cooked chicken sitting unwrapped in a pot overnight for the next day. Yea I quit that place."

– RealNY27

Most of these Redditors realized leaving their situation was better than dealing with the consequences of sticking around.

The latter is never a good option. Why remain in a scenario you know is already going to consume your soul?

The lesson for today is–Don't be miserable. Your sanity is worth saving.

Besides, you would never know that something better awaits if you just don't get the F out.

People Divulge The Worst Lies They Ever Caught Their Parents Telling

"Reddit user Hackedfaith asked: 'What is the worst lie you caught your parents telling?'"

Perplexed father with his daughter looking at her computer
Photo by sofatutor

Parents lie.

But the older we get, the more we realize parents are not just humans telling little white lies.

They can be villains with malicious intent.

Catching a parent in a lie can be soul-crushing.

But it's a part of growing up.

Hopefully we learn how to be better.

Redditor Hackedfaith wanted to hear about the times people realized their parents were hard-fibbing, so they asked:

"What is the worst lie you caught your parents telling?"

My mom told me anything in life was possible.

And cheaters never win.

Yeah sure. Sell me an igloo an Iceland too.

​Expelled

Andy Samberg Ugh GIF by The Lonely IslandGiphy

"My Dad used to tell me that he learned all of his cool tricks and skills in 'Daddy School.' I'm now 28, married and still have not been enrolled."

AdLive7065

Thief

"That the 2K I earned at my summer job would be safe in my mom's savings account until I wanted to withdraw it later. Never saw that money again."

drillgorg

"I lost money to my mom too. I was a kid, told her I had $50 in change (I don't know where it all came from), and she said I didn't. She counted it and it was gone."

"She stole a good deal of my babysitting money. Hundreds of dollars. She filed my first tax return (without telling me) and kept whatever money I would have got. She told me that the fee to get it done was about as much as I would have gotten back."

Sarhii

A Second Family

"That my mother was schizophrenic. I was 15 and knew she had been battling depression for years. Schizophrenia runs in our family and as an angsty teenager, it was very easy for me to believe... She was completely convinced that my father had a secret second family. She was diagnosed and medicated for years. He did have a second family."

Thationdeas76

"He did have a second family??? That had to have been devastating. 'Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't after you.'"

TwoLittleNeedleMarks

2008

"That they couldn’t afford to pay for college. So I took a job during the day and paid my way through night and weekend school. Turns out I had a decent trust fund from my grandfather. I could have graduated and started working for a higher wage 4 years earlier. I tell myself that graduating in 2008 wouldn’t have been a good idea anyway."

RandomRavenclaw87

Weekends Only

Looney Tunes Rabbit GIFGiphy

"Up until I was 8 years old, they told me that daddy was away at college. We would go see him on weekends. Found out later that he was in prison. I wondered why we could only talk to him behind glass on a telephone."

hhairy

The truth about parents can often to difficult to accept.

That's why there is therapy.

Scandal

Shocked Oh No GIF by Yêu LuGiphy

"Found out when I was 25 I have a sister one year older than me that they gave up for adoption, I'm 37 and have been searching for her for the past 10 years."

Even_Future2580

'Mom! Mom!'

"One night I went downstairs to ask my mother something. My dad was a light sleeper and would get really pissed if anyone woke him up, so I whispered, 'Mom! Mom!' All of a sudden my dad sat up and yelled at me to get lost. They told me I should never sneak up on them because they had a gun and my dad thought I was an intruder and almost shot me."

"They scared the bejeezus out of me. Sometimes when I tried to get to sleep I'd remember how my dad almost shot me. For years. Even after I moved out. Decades later, I mentioned it to my mom. She started laughing and told me they were having sex. There was no gun."

Sapphyrre

Internal Affairs

"My dad went into the ER with stroke-like symptoms. He ended up having a severe brain bleed that required immediate and major surgery. While he was laying in the ICU, my mother, who opened their computer to get insurance info, found messages on his linked-in page, that he’d left open earlier that morning before I took him to the ER, from a woman he was engaged to in college. They had been having an affair for over a year."

ParanrmlGrl

Still Works

"They told me if I was lying there would be bubbles on my tongue. So when they asked me something and they thought I was lying they'd tell me to stick out my tongue. If I knew I was telling the truth, I'd open my mouth confidently and show off my bubble-free tongue. If I was lying, I'd try to scrape the bubbles off with my teeth. I now use it on my son. Still works."

Obst1994

Tilly

"When I was 4 We had a dog called Tilly, my mom said that she gave her away to a boy who couldn't speak and she died while saving him from drowning in a river Years later when I was around 13, my mom was on the phone with her friends and they were talking about their pets that passed away, turns out that tilly died because my mom was drunk and let her out of the house, she ended up getting hit by a car."

Yogurt2022

Bad Bunny

Easter Bunny Dance GIF by SportsManiasGiphy

"When my sibling and I were young, we were tossing toys around that the Easter Bunny had left for us. My mom started yelling at us, 'I did not buy those for you to treat them like that.'"

ExMoIsMyPersonality

Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy... the lies are enormous.

Two people talking with cups of coffee
Photo by Chewy on Unsplash

Dating is complicated, because it can be really awkward, but if we want to find a partner, it's an activity we just kind of have to do.

The most frustrating thing about it, though, is that everything can seem to be going fine... until it isn't. The date is going well, the person we're with is charming, we're having a nice time together, but then a dealbreaker makes an unfortunate appearance.

Redditor whitneywestmoreland asked:

"What's something that happened on a first date that made you decide against a second date?"

Not Wowing Enough

​"The date felt more like a job interview to fill a position, rather than an actual date. He gave off a vibe of someone who wasn't into getting to know me as a person, but just listed his wants and needs."

"So at the end of the date, he asked how I thought it went, and I said I didn't feel a click or a match."

"And he said yeah and that he was missing that 'wow factor.'"

"So I laughed my a** off (slightly offended) on the car ride home. Gosh, I had no idea I was auditioning for a contest."

"I was happy we only went for drinks, but even that felt a bit too long."

- Selfish_Kitty

Not As Attractive As One Might Think

"He threw a temper tantrum because the restaurant he wanted to go to was closed due to the tropical storm that was going on."

"It's sad because I was having a great time walking around Manhattan while the storm raged. I had every intention of going home with him until he had that tantrum."

- msspider66

Let the Past Go

"I took her to dinner and then took her to a late-night car meet. Upon arriving at the meet, she started s**t with several other girls she had beef with in high school... and hasn’t talked to since high school."

"We were well into our 20s. She was even older than me."

"I don’t get how some people make high school beef their entire personality for years."

- TheThrowawayMouse

Different Senses of Humor

"We went to her place to watch movies and we chose 'Kung Fu Panda 2.' From the moment it began, she proceeded to cackle at every single joke. Anything that could even be perceived as mildly funny set her off like the Wicked Witch of the West."

"I know some people have interesting laughs and that wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't constant from beginning to end."

"After that, she put on 'Iron Man,' and the same thing happened, witch cackling the entire movie."

"There's a point in the movie where a character's phone goes off, and the ringtone is an old 'Iron Man' theme, which made me chuckle."

"She turned to me and said, 'You laugh at all the weirdest parts!'"

"The second the movie was over, I got out of there and did not see her again."

- J-Dizzle42

Quite the Conversationalist

"He said nothing. I get he was nervous but I was engaging. I asked questions that should have led to at least a few sentences of conversation, but no, one-word answers only."

"It was dinner and a movie so our only opportunity to talk was dinner. It was like pulling teeth. No thanks, no second date."

- redditreader_aitafan

Ready to Settle Down

"She kept talking about the 'emergency d**k' she had stashed around the city."

"She was like, 'I've been really busy with [grad] school, but I don't go without. I have plenty of emergency d**k around town.'"

"And when I say she kept going on, I mean she KEPT GOING ON. She was telling me about the two guys downtown, three in the suburbs, one near campus, and two in her apartment complex."

"It honestly sounded like I was new to town and she was giving me a rundown of all the best places to visit."

"It was just weird."

"She also said she was looking to settle down into a relationship (whereas she had only been in situationships before). She also said she had a 'virgin heart.'"

- callmevicious

"I really want to know what she hoped to accomplish by sharing all that with him."

"Clearly, she expected him to be impressed in some way."

- _Halboro_

"It sounds like she wanted him to be her everyday d**k and take her heart virginity!"

- illustrious_ocelot_

In It For the Food

"I went on a date with a woman from the office. I thought we had good chemistry and got along well."

"Later in the date, she couldn't find her phone, so I tried calling it, and someone from the restaurant where we'd had dinner answered."

"I went back in for her to get it, and the waiter showed me I was saved in her contacts as 'Free Food.'"

- Sol-Blackguy

A Terrible Tipper

"He insisted on paying for our dinner instead of going Dutch, and then he totally stiffed the server."

"I tried to leave a tip and he got p**sed at me because he was paying and it was his decision to tip or not."

- Westonworld

Yeah, That... That Would Do It

"He just kept making a weird amount of jokes about tapeworms?"

"Also, this happened while we were eating sushi, just in case anyone was wondering."

- oldfarmhousechutney

Too Close to Home

"This happened to my sister, but she found out the guy had the same uncommon last name as her."

"Then when she asked where he was from, it was the same small town that our great grandparents are from."

"They awkwardly laughed and just immediately ended the date."

- LadderUpset

A Lot to Take In At Once

"She told me that aliens cause jet lag and that I have the ghost of a fisherman following me around named Samuel (on top of the 20 other bats**t things she said at dinner)."

"This was last night, and I'm still processing."

- RVBY1977

Disrespectful From the Very Beginning

"Very recently, a woman asked me when I would get a real career."

"I love what I do. I'm a union stagehand in a major entertainment city. I have been in my industry for over 20 years, toured the country, toured the world, and make a comfortable living."

"Yeah, no. That's pretty demeaning and I'm out."

- azorianmilk

Sixth Grade Gossip Vibes

"She kept writing to her friends on WhatsApp a play-by-play of the date instead of listening to me, so I stood up, paid my dinner, and left because I found it disrespectful as f**k."

- Dune_Asmr

An Accidental Affair

"I went to dinner with a girl who I'd been crushing on for quite some time. It seemed to be going well, and we ended up back at her place, watching a movie or something."

"Out of nowhere, her boyfriend (of whom I was not aware) came back from out of town and stopped in unexpectedly."

"He and I had a super awkward conversation for a few minutes, and then the two of them disappeared into another room for a minute or two."

"She came back and said something to the effect of, 'I don't have a place for you. I'm sorry.'"

"I just kind of got in my car and drove home, with one of the strangest feelings that I'd ever felt."

"At some point, a few minutes into the journey, I couldn't contain myself and busted out laughing."

- Richard_Thickens

We can absolutely understand why these would be causes for no second date. From awkward to straight-up creepy, these don't feel like scenarios that we'd willingly sign up for twice.

Massive First Date Red Flags
Photo by Good Faces on Unsplash

These Redditors went on the worst first dates imaginable, and they lived to tell the tales. Read on, if you dare.

It Was Just Like In The Movies

couple dining outPhoto by Wiktor Karkocha on Unsplash

A guy I’d been friends with for a couple of years asked me out. We knew each other, so we should have been able to have a fairly normal night out—but no. We met at a restaurant and sat at the bar. He ordered all meat appetizers despite me being a vegetarian and said, "You can eat this or go hungry". I ordered my own food.

Die Hard was just starting to play on the TV and he asked me if I liked it. I admitted that I had never seen Die Hard and he proceeded to describe the entire movie in real time. I am not exaggerating. I was not allowed to speak while he explained every single detail of the movie while the movie was playing silently on the bar TV.

I’d had too much to drink to leave early and drive home, so I just sat there and endured his two hour monologue while I slowly sobered up. When the movie finally, mercifully, finished, he asked the bartender for his check and said, "I’m not paying for her, though". The bartender brought his check and then told me I didn’t owe anything.

After my date left, the bartender said it was one of the most painful things he’d ever witnessed and apparently he and some of the servers had been placing bets about how long this guy would actually talk about Die Hard. I’m just glad I had a witness because it was so ridiculous. There was no second date and he literally never talked to me again.

She Couldn’t Hide

This red flag came up before we even went on our first date. So, I met this guy on a dating site and he asked me on a date and I agreed. Later, I got a call from work saying a package had been delivered. It was a huge bouquet of flowers. I was so confused. I asked him if he had sent them and he said, "I did! You said you had a bad day last Friday, so I wanted to make this Friday a good one for you".

Normally, I would absolutely love this gesture and be over the moon with this. But there was one glaring problem: I never told him where I worked, and I had told him I lived in a large city an hour away to be on the safe side. So, not only did he find my true town, but also found out where I had worked. This was an instant red flag and made me terrified.

She Wasn’t Exactly Daddy’s Little Girl

This woman and I sat down to dinner and within ten minutes she brought up how her father felt sorry for any guy that dated her. She continued for the next hour telling me about all the ways her father criticized her for playing games, and treating men poorly. I really didn’t get much of a word in.

After we left the restaurant, I drove her straight back home, while she continued talking the entire time. When she realized I’d stopped in her driveway, she asked me if she had said something wrong. I had to be totally honest with her. I said: "Yes, about two hours of wrong for me. Have a good night". And drove straight home.

They Met By Accident

woman prayingPhoto by Ben White on Unsplash

This is what I knew about him before our first date: he had tragically lost his leg in a motorcycle accident. I also knew that he usually wore a prosthetic but at this time he was using a wheelchair. He said this was because he had recently had surgery in his leg. All that was fine, and I offered to pick him up in my car.

We went out for breakfast and everything seemed fine, there were no major issues with him. When it came time to pay, his card was declined. He called his dad—who was also his boss—to figure out why his paycheck hadn’t been deposited. This conversation went back and forth, and I ended up paying and he promised to pay me back. It totally wasn’t a big deal, it happens, I get it.

So, we got back to my car, which is a RAV4. He said that the last time he was around a RAV4, it was when his motorcycle accident happened. He’d hit into one that was pulling out of a restaurant and that’s when he lost his leg. For some reason, that triggered a memory of a conversation I had with my mom a while back about my aunt who had the same car which was totaled during an accident.

Later, I was texting him and asked him a few more questions about the accident, where it happened, and such. Long story short, it was my aunt who was driving the car that pulled out of the restaurant, which he crashed into. He was currently in the process of suing her because of it. This was despite the fact that he was going almost double the speed limit at the time and didn’t even have his license.

Needless to say, there was no second date. He never did pay me back for breakfast.

Mother Knows Best

I went on a date with a Korean-American guy in college, and it was really lovely. Lovely until his mother called during our coffee date. She asked him what my name was and he told her my first and last name. He suddenly got a sad look on his face and stood up, apologizing profusely for wasting my time. His reasonblew me away.

He said: "I am so sorry, I should have had her look you up before the date". I was super confused. And asked him what he was talking about. Apparently he didn't realize my name was Japanese-American. The thing is, I am half-Japanese and don’t really look it. His mother had taken my name and found me on Facebook. There was a pic of me and my family at the Obon Festival hosted by the Buddhist temple and Japanese-American society in my city.

So, he left the date because his mommy told him he couldn't date a Japanese girl.

He Knew What She Wanted

I was at a restaurant on a first date and the guy had been to the restaurant before and made some recommendations about what to order. I wasn’t really feeling what he was suggesting, so I ordered something else. The guy then grabbed the waitress as she tried to walk away, and told her what I would have and, believe me, it wasn’t what I wanted.

It didn't even occur to him that she wouldn't listen or that I'd be angry. I got up and walked right out of the restaurant.

She Washed Her Hands Of Him

person holding clear plastic bottlePhoto by Nathana Rebouças on Unsplash

So, when I was in college, I met this guy at a work function. We also had mutual friends. The guy took me to a restaurant and before eating I pulled out a small bottle of hand sanitizer to use. He asked me why I used sanitizer. I thought the answer was obvious: to clean my hands. But when I told him that, he started explaining why hand cleaning was unnecessary.

He actually said that, in addition to not using hand sanitizer, he didn’t believe in washing his hands after going to the bathroom. He said it was fine as long as toilet paper was used effectively. He said all of this while licking his fingers and digging into a shared basket of appetizers. I was disgusted and stopped eating at that point. Not another bite!

He Hoped The Party Was Over

So, I show up for my first date with this guy and the first thing that I notice is that he’s brought his two year old along on our date. He then informed me he would be okay with me going out and partying for maybe one more year to "get it out of my system", but after that he expected me to settle down. He then went on a strange rant for my benefit.

He talked about how important it is for women to "have their fun" before becoming moms, so they are ready to be homemakers. I was 19 and also was not aware he even had a kid beforehand. Obviously, there was no second date. I recently looked the guy up on Facebook. He’s now on his third marriage. Hopefully, this wife got all of her "partying" out of her system.

Something Fishy About This Guy

It was our first date and he and I were sharing a plate of raw fish. We both ate more of the salmon and it was running low. He then ordered me—in a rude way—to eat only white fish now. I did and was laughing, because I wasn't sure if it was a joke. After five pieces of white fish, I went back to the salmon, and he got annoyed and asked me why I’d done that.

He repeated that I should stick to eating the other type of fish with no explanation. He also ordered me to eat certain side dishes throughout the meal and I politely declined. After that, I made no effort to keep the conversation that—to be honest—had already been a bit awkward before this whole fish thing.

He seemed unsure how to fix the situation, and I kept my bad mood until I left. Just…why? Why did he do that?

He Was Honestly Quite Scary

two bullet surveillance cameras attached on wallPhoto by Scott Webb on Unsplash

It was our first date and we met up at his place because he was making dinner for me. We were chatting on the couch when he stood up to excuse himself to the restroom. As he was walking away, he turned and mentioned that there were cameras all over his home, so "don’t take anything". I guessed this was a joke, but what he did next sent chills down my spine.

He pointed to a stack of papers on an end table. "I believe in honesty. That’s my arrest record. Everything is right there". He went on his way. I considered leaving right then, but didn’t. I did pick up that stack of papers. It was a shocker. His arrest record was several pages long and spanned three states. Most of the arrests were for domestic assault. There were also some minor drug charges.

He returned and, thank God, my phone rang. I answered it even though I didn’t recognize the number. I actually had no idea who it was. I made it sound like it was one of my daughters and she needed to be picked up from somewhere immediately. I’ll never know who was actually on the other end of that call, but I left this guy’s home and never looked back.

He Made A Pit Stop

I was probably about 19 or 20 years old and incredibly naive at the time. I had known him for a few weeks, and we decided to go out on a dinner date. We were on our way to dinner—I was driving—and he wanted to stop to make a return at GameStop. I thought, "Yeah okay, no problem. I’m in no rush". But then he was in there for a long time, and I was getting kind of nervous. I should have paid attention to those nerves because trouble was headed my way.

When he finally comes back to my car, an officer comes out of nowhere and taps on my passenger window. The officer asked him for his driver’s license and went to run it. I asked my date what he thought was going on. This guy explains to me that he has some unpaid parking tickets. But the situation gets worse than that when another car pulls up and another officer gets out. He comes to my side of the car and pulls me out of the car and starts interrogating me.

The officer asking me questions assumes I’m in on whatever my date has done. Then I turn around to see—to my horror—my date getting pulled out of the car and cuffed. I was so shocked and now I was worried about myself. Would the officers believe that I wasn’t involved? I guess I looked legit surprised, so they started acting really nice to me. I was basically being honest and cooperative, and they could tell I had absolutely no clue what was going on. So, they let me go home.

I had no idea why all this had happened until much later. I looked at our local prison intake website and it turns out while I was waiting in the car, he’d shoplifted $500 worth of stuff from GameStop. He also had like three outstanding warrants for assault charges. Wow, I often imagine what could have happened if all this hadn’t gone down.

He Didn’t Get It

I went on a date once and the guy was talking about his ex-girlfriend the entire time. Then, it got worse. He actually took a call from her when we were waiting for our food to arrive. And when he was done, as a joke, I asked if he wanted to call her back and invite her to join us. He said no because she'd have to bring her kid! That joke went whoosh right over his dense head.

Nothing Compares To You

woman carrying babyPhoto by Valeria Zoncoll on Unsplash

I went on a date with a guy who called himself a mama’s boy. I didn’t take that very seriously at the time, but I did later on in the date. He actually said that no woman would ever compare to his mother. Obviously, there was no second date, and despite how many times I turned him down and said I wasn’t interested, he kept calling and texting me for two years until I changed my number.

He Was Looking For A Replacement

I once met up with a guy from Tinder and I thought the date was going pretty well. After talking for a bit and having a coffee, he asked me if I wanted to meet his kid. I felt totally put on the spot and although I was clearly uncomfortable. I panicked and said I would. We went back to his place and I met the kid, she was actually pretty cool.

When he sent her off to bed, he proceeded to tell me that the mother of his child had randomly passed in their kitchen one day, and now his kid didn’t have a mom. I looked around his place and there were pictures of the deceased mom everywhere. I felt uncomfortable and I told him it was getting late, and I was going to get going.

Before I left, he asked if he could stroke my stomach and pinch my backside. It was a very specific and super odd request. I said no. The next day he sent me a text asking me if I would babysit his kid. Not even asking me on a second date…just asking for child care.

Not Even On Pizza?

I went out with a guy who was in his mid-20s. He told me a lot about himself that night, but one thing really sticks out to me. He told me he had never tried cheese. Not in his whole life. Not once. He wasn’t a vegan or anything like that. I had such a hard time believing him and realized I could never trust him. It’s been 10 years and it still bothers me.

He Was A Serial Dater

surprised womanPhoto by June O on Unsplash

I met a guy on an app and, after we chatted for a while, we met up for drinks. Just to make small talk, I asked him about his Dexter tattoo. He actually had Michael C. Hall’s face on his shoulder. He said that what he liked most about Dexter was that he hid his true identity. There was an eerie silence after he said that.

Needless to say, I never saw him again.

He Was Literally Awful

So, I live in San Francisco and I went on a date with a guy years ago. We went to an art show together, which I thought was a nice change from going to a bar or restaurant. After the art show, we were walking in a park and talking and he did something that really shocked me: he littered. I said something like, "Oh there’s a trash can right over there". He just chuckled and said, "So what?"

I never saw that guy again.

He Expected Her To Pay

This guy I knew through a mutual friend kept asking if he could take me for dinner. I always politely turned him down because I'd just come out of a relationship and wasn't looking to jump into another. My friend convinced me that I should "try and get back out there and enjoy myself". The next time I ran into him, he asked if he could take me out again, so I relented and agreed.

The date went fine for the most part. There were a few awkward moments here and there but nothing that made me want to call it a night. Then, we got to the bill. He paid on his card and then told me, "Don't worry, I've got you covered. You can pay me back for your half when we get back to my place". He then made a winking gesture at me.

Needless to say, he made the journey back to his place alone and there was no second date.

Red Flag, Red Flag, Red Flag

women's yellow overallPhoto by Joseph Frank on Unsplash

This all happened during our first—and, thankfully, only—date. It literally kept getting worse, one thing after the other. When they brought the food, he immediately asked them to remake it, as it wasn’t cooked exactly how he wanted. When he got his second meal, he sent that one back as well and just ordered something else. This was the first red flag.

While we were eating, his phone suddenly lit up. I saw on the screen a picture of two young girls. So, I asked him if they were his nieces. Nope. He said they were his two daughters. One was two and the other was four years old. Funny, he’d never mentioned before that he was a father—even when I’d asked him directly. Red flag number two.

He then told me he still lives with his baby mama—who was his ex—and has no near plan of them living apart. Oh, and worse still, they live in his parents basement. He then randomly started talking about how much he hates the left wing because it doesn't favor white men like himself. These were red flags three and four. And the worst was yet to come.

He then proceeded to talk about how immigrants are ruining this country. If that wasn't bad enough, I'm middle Eastern and my parents are immigrants. This was definitely a huge red flag. We talked about traveling and he very nonchalantly said, "you probably have to leave so much earlier to the airport because of security eh?" This was a backhanded lowkey prejudiced type of red flag.

At that point the red flags turned into checkered flags telling me to end it and leave. So without any further responses from me, I grabbed my coat, thanked him for the free meal, and walked out.

Not An Animal Lover

I was on a date with this seemingly nice woman. We were just getting to know each other, and I mentioned that I had a dog. She showed some interest and asked me what kind of dog I had. I told her it was a Siberian Husky and that I loved her very much. Her response was this: "Oh! A big dog! At least she’ll die young, so you can get a puppy again soon!"

She Was A Real Doll

I was 24 years old and he came to the door to pick me up. I immediately noticed that he was carrying something and it wasn’t the expected flowers. It was a Bratz doll. An actual Bratz doll in the box, brand new. He actually went to the store and made a conscious decision to buy it for 24-year-old me. He told me he thought I’d like it. Did he want me to act younger? I don’t know, but he creeped me out.

The day after, he kept calling while I was at the grocery store, and I don’t like to talk on the phone while I’m shopping. I called him back, which may have been stupid. He asked why I was ignoring his calls. I told him the truth: that I had been shopping and I preferred to be able to interact with the people I needed to speak to—like the deli person or whoever—without being on the phone.

He immediately got upset and was mad and sad about how it wasn’t fair that the grocery store workers got that much of my time and attention, but he didn’t. That was the end of that.

Creepy And Shallow

woman on top of the building photoPhoto by Spencer Backman on Unsplash

I was on a date with a guy, and he immediately started making multiple comments about my appearance. To be fair, they were positive. The thing was that he delivered the comments in a very creepy and shallow way. He said things like: "I bet you look at the mirror and just think, 'wow, I’m hot'". And, "If I were you, I’d check myself out all the time".

He then told me about how he was taken in by officers in front of his old apartment and then evicted. After I told him I did not wish to go on a second date, his response was: "Okay, but first, I really want to take you to bed". This was a first date and I was 19 years old!

She Booked It

Someone I met through social media asked me out. We had a ton of friends in common, so I wasn’t too worried that he’d be a creep. We decided to meet at Barnes & Noble so we could get coffee and pick out books. We are both avid readers, so it sounded like a good place for a first date. He was crazy attractive and smart, and he seemed really into me. I was super excited.

So, we get there and within the first three minutes, he asks to kiss me. I agreed and it was….Wow. Instant fireworks. All the tingly feelings. We keep talking and things are going great, but then he proceeded to keep getting continuously more handsy. He was grabbing my backside, brushing the side of my chest while his arm was around me, pulling me by my hips into him.

All those things are great once you’re a little comfortable with someone, but not at the beginning of a first date. He kept only wanting to make out, and wasn’t accepting my brush-offs. So, 10 to 20 minutes in, I was starting to feel a little icky and kept saying: "Let’s just keep getting to know each other". He said something like, "I want to get to know you, but in the bathroom".

Honestly, that remark can be taken so many ways, but none of them are good. A pickup line involving the word bathroom makes me want to vomit. Eventually, I said I had to get going to work. He tried to convince me to quit my job and stay with him for the day. He told me we could go back to his place. When he said something along the line of "once we get married, you won’t need to work anymore anyway", I was out.

Nope, no, thank you. I told him it wasn’t going to work. He got super angry at me for "wasting his time" and bolted. By the time I got to my car, he had already deleted me from all social media. I’m still not really sure if he was angry that I didn’t want to do it with him in the Barnes & Noble bathroom, didn’t want to marry him, or if it was because I had a job. Maybe all three. Or maybe just because he was a moron.

Nothing To Think About

This first date was with a cell phone tower tech. He showed up for our date in an old, worn out—and sweaty—T-shirt. The guy immediately decided he could psychoanalyze me. He told me that I was afraid of men, despite me meeting him in a state park. He also told me he's tired of having steak dinners and ice cream and still not getting a relationship out of it.

He actually said that from now on, he was going to take his dates to the bedroom first—not an expensive restaurant. He told me that I had a lot to think about, and he would give me time. Nope, dude, I didn't have to think it over at all. Then, he told me his wife passed six weeks before our date—just six weeks! How did this guy get so jaded about dating in just a month and a half?

He asked if he could call me. I said "yes", but really I was thinking: "You can call, but I'm not going to answer".

He Didn’t Exactly Bowl Her Over

person in black pants and brown shoes sitting on glass ballPhoto by David Iannace on Unsplash

I was planning a first date with this guy a few years ago, and he suggested bowling. I said it was fine, but that I'd done it once a few years prior, and I was legitimately terrible at it. He offered to teach me, but I said another time. I just wanted to get to know him in a relaxed environment. He suggested we still bowl—minus the lessons—and he could also share in the hilarity of my lack of skill. I was down for it.

I arrived at the alley, and things went downhill fast. The lessons started almost immediately. He told me how to stand, where to stand, and pointed out everything I was doing wrong. He told me I wasn’t taking it seriously, and added this zinger: "I’m trying to teach you for your own good". While he taught me, he never smiled—except when he saw me at the start. I told him this was not the fun, chill night I said I was looking for, and he told me it would be if I took the game more seriously. He was actually angry about the whole night.

It’s Been A Slice

The setting of this first date was a pizza restaurant. I knew I was in for a bad date when the guy had the audacity to order for both of us. The pizza arrived, and he served me a single tiny slice of wood fired pizza that did not come close to filling me up. He then—before I could ask for a second slice—packed up the pizza and put it in the back of his car.

I excused myself to call a friend to come pick me up, because I absolutely would not let this man know where I lived. It's been almost two years, and I'm still angry about not having more of that pizza.

She Over Shared

On our first date, the woman opens her laptop and shows me a video of her giving "natural childbirth" in a pool with her ex-partner. She was full spread eagle, and it’s a closeup shot. I could see the crowning head pushing through and everything. Then, the now seven-year-old kid comes out to watch and is like, "Oh, I love this video!"

In other words, I’m not the first guy she’s made watch this. No second date.

A Real Mess In Aisle Three

a woman holding her head in her handsPhoto by engin akyurt on Unsplash

I met a stranger at the grocery store, and he asked me out for dinner. Dinner didn't go very well, mostly because he spent most of the date insulting me for being a vegetarian. At the end of the night, when we were walking back to our cars and saying bye, he asked if he could have a kiss. I said no. He asked again. I said no again.

He then said, "How about a peck on the cheek?" Just to get rid of him, I go to do that. The guy fully turns his head and kisses me right on the mouth. This was the one thing I had told him I didn’t want. I definitely knew there would be no second date after that. I ignored all future texts. His last one said: "Why does this always happen to me?"

He Came To Save The Day

There was one date that stands out as the worst of all, but in retrospect it's kind of funny. I met this guy online and we had a few conversations before deciding to meet up. He seemed nice and normal, but when he showed up to the date he was wearing a full-on costume. He had dressed up as a superhero, complete with a mask and a cape. I was completely caught off guard and didn't know how to react. I tried to go along with it and make the best of it, but it was just too weird. I never saw him again, and I don't think I ever will.

She Never Asked

I remember I went out on two dates with a girl when I was in my late 30s. She didn't ask me anything during both dates. She's very expressive and loves to talk. Even during texts she'd send hilarious memes and emojis that matched our conversation. But during dates, she wouldn't ask me a thing about me. That was a red flag that I should have acted on.

She loved talking about herself. There was never a "How are you", or "How was your day", or even "How was work?" Sure enough, when I said I didn't want to pursue her, and that we should just keep it as friends, she blew up at me and called me all sorts of names. One of which was "loser". She also said, "You jerk, I deserve better than you".

I remember just looking at her stunned and thinking this girl had some serious internal issues. I told her that she deserves someone better than me, because I for sure would not be able to handle what just happened. I told her she was overreacting because she's not losing anything, but that she would have an opportunity to meet someone else.

She then started blaming me for things I've never done. Like, "You're selfish, you only think about yourself! You never think about me! It's always about what you want to do!"

I told her, "You're talking to me like we were dating each other for two years! We only knew each other for two weeks!" I felt sorry for her, considering that she seemed like she had some emotional hurt that wasn't resolved from her previous relationship.

She Was A Little Crazy

man jumping in front of woman standing on fieldPhoto by Randy Rooibaatjie on Unsplash

I was meeting up with a woman I’d met online. Of course you always wonder if they’ll match their picture. Well, imagine my surprise when a woman who’s eight months pregnant shows up. A fact that all pictures and conversations had somehow managed to omit. We still went out because I wasn't about to dump a single, pregnant woman, but I really should have.

It turned out she was an off-her-meds, extremely depressed pregnant woman with suicidal ideation who proclaimed her undying and eternal love for me by hour one. And just a fun little side note: she was kind of short and so was her dad, who I did get to meet. Their house was on a farm and the whole thing was built to their height. I'm pretty tall and I felt like Gandalf visiting Bilbo.

Three Strikes He’s Out

I was on a first date and I told the guy I was working in the field of statistics. He quickly started talking about how that’s all pointless and meaningless. Um, that’s my profession we’re talking about. Later on, he asked how old my cats were, and I answered that they were 10 and 11. His reply? He said, statistically speaking, "they're going to die soon".

At some point during the date, I think it was while we were walking to the car, he blew out a nose full of snot. The guy didn't even ask if I had a tissue, he just turned around, blew it out, and kept talking as if nothing happened. He actually sounded surprised when I told him I didn't feel a good connection with him.

This Little Fiesta Went Siesta

This was a summer date and it was super muggy out. We got tea and he wanted to sit outside in the sun. He kept going on about engineering and couldn’t take the cue that I wasn’t that interested. The next thing I knew, I had dozed off. I have no idea how long I’d slept for, but I was sweaty and warm and bored. The weird thing is that he kept talking while I napped.

He Wanted The Full Package

man wearing black crew-neck shirtPhoto by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash

I had met this guy on a dating app and agreed to meet him in a public park. The guy was an unemployed ex-serviceman and clearly had some mental issues, which weren’t super apparent when texting. As soon as we sat down to chat, he told me about his current terrible living situation and asked if he could move in with me and my kids. He offered to watch them for me while I worked.

I said this wasn’t a great idea and that's when he showed his true colors. He got so mad. I tried to explain and said that I didn’t really know him and we had just met. I was so annoyed that he even thought that it was okay to ask as I’m a very protective mom. The whole time he was very pushy and upset when I wasn’t just going along with whatever plans he already had in his head for us.

Near the end of the meeting, he could tell things weren’t going in his favor and asked if I had intentions of even dating him. I told him outright, "no". He again got mad and just left. Not long after that, I got a message from him saying he’d spent expensive gas coming to meet me, and I could have at least done it with him. Charming. Apparently, I owed him something since I wouldn’t provide him with shelter and financial support.

She Walked Away With It

This woman and I were having a great first date and ended up getting a little tipsy together and singing karaoke. She tricked me into showing her a ring I had inherited from my family. Somehow, being inebriated and merry, I completely messed up and did not realize she had kept the ring. She then made a fast excuse—like she needed to go get something or something—and left with the ring.

It turns out she lied about everything, even that she was from my city. I’ve never seen her—or my ring—since.

The Spy Who Loved Her

On our first date, he told me he was in med school, at the university in the town we lived in. This was a red flag as I knew there was no med school at the local university. I thought perhaps he was taking his pre-med classes or something, so I agreed to go on a second date. On this date, he spent an hour telling me how, when he’d finished with his army service, he had worked as a contractor for the army doing "spy" work in Iraq. He added ominously,"If only you knew the things I’d done!"

During the second date, we had to stop by his apartment to pick something up. While we were there, I noticed all his mail was in a different name than the one that he had given me. This made me super nervous, so I "magically" got a text from my work. I told him there was an emergency and I had to go immediately into work and handle it.

After I told him there wouldn’t be a third date, he got spooky angry. I hoped I would never see him again, but then the worst thing happened: I caught him in the bushes outside my apartment. This happened several times, so I eventually had to get a restraining order in the name he gave me. After that, I never saw him again! Thank God!

It Wasn’t A Good Fit

person walking while carrying a camera and paper bagsPhoto by Erik Mclean on Unsplash

She wanted to have our first date at a shipping mall—which I thought was weird. When we met at the mall, she had her toddler with her. I have kids too, so I got it, but a heads up would have been nice. She told me that she wanted to shop for an outfit for her kid because she was doing a Christmas card family portrait later that week.

It was a bit uncomfortable, but hanging out shopping? Sure, why not. Then, she started holding up clothes to me and I stood back and asked her why. She said it was because I was "about the same size" as her ex and he was going to be in the portrait too. She then asked if I would try things on so she'd know how they would look on her ex. I took the clothes and walked off to "find the fitting room". Instead of finding the fitting room, I found my car instead.

I was very glad we drove separately, and I wasn't leaving her stranded.

He Had A Killer Sense Of Humor

I went on a Tinder date a few years ago. He made multiple creepy comments along the lines of "you know, you really shouldn’t just meet guys off Tinder. What if I was planning to kill you?" and kept trying to play it off as a joke. After the fourth time making that "joke", I started to feel really uneasy. It didn’t help that he was also just an unpleasant person to be around in general.

So, I texted my friend to call me with a made up emergency, so that I had an excuse to leave. He dropped me off at her house, and I thought it was all good. But that's when things took a frightening turn. He got out of the car and walked right into the house. At this point my friend told him he needed to leave. He said, "Alright, fine, I’ll leave", and then just continued to stand there staring at us.

We then asked him again to leave. He said he’d leave but he wanted me to walk him to his car. Obviously, this dude was acting super bizarre, and I was scared if I didn't just go along with what he said that he might lash out. So, stupidly, I said I’d walk him to his car. So, we went outside and got to the car and then he just stood and stared at me again.

I said bye and then quickly started to walk towards the house. All of a sudden, he very angrily demanded that I hug him. At that point I literally just turned around and ran into the house and locked the door. The guy sat in the car outside for like 10 minutes texting me super angry stuff about how he won’t leave until I give him a hug and a kiss.

After getting no response from me whatsoever he finally left. So, yeah I guess you could say that was a bit of a red flag.

It Was Bad From Five Minutes In

I was married for nine years and then got a divorce. I wasn't really ready to start dating, but some friends convinced me to. My first date after nine years was a complete disaster. We met at a restaurant and five minutes, in she told me she ate a sandwich in the car because she wasn't sure I would be able to pay for both drinks and food.

Seven minutes into the date, she advised me that food service was a good field because they rarely look at people's records—even after what that lying boss of hers at Little Caesars said about her. Fifteen minutes into the date, she told me that I didn't need to worry about her around my kids because she’d never be inebriated around them. She felt compelled to add that she might be buzzed around them but never full-on inebriated.

Twenty minutes into the date, she said she liked me because I looked clean. With the last guy she was with, she had hurt her ankle by slipping on some pizza he had on his bedroom floor when they went to get it on together. The pizza on the floor, however, didn’t dissuade her from doing the deed. Despite the urging—nay, pleading—of all my friends, we did not go out again.

She Only Got A Hug

woman holding starbucks disposable cup and smartphonePhoto by Guilherme Stecanella on Unsplash

So, I went on a date with a woman who spent most of her time on her phone. At one point, I even stopped mid sentence to see if she'd notice. She did not. She didn't have any money, so I was buying all the drinks. Then, it just got worse. She started asking me if I wanted to buy some ketamine with her. To top it off, she called her dealer right in front of me.

I put on my coat and started to leave, and she started crying. We talked briefly, and I gave her a big hug and asked if there was anything she needed. She replied with: "Maybe a tenner?" I walked straight out of there. Later, she texted me, asking to see me again. There was absolutely no way I was going to see this woman again.

She Had It Down To An Art

I went on a date with a girl who worked at a well known local art museum. She talked about art in the most technical, plain, boring, dry terms imaginable, and I could barely follow along. I asked questions, and she made me feel like an idiot. I tried to talk about art—which, incidentally, I love—and was again treated like an idiot. Needless to say, there was no second date.

She Waited Six Minutes

I was on a date with a woman and it was only six minutes in when she asked me how much I earned. When I asked why that was relevant, she said she had no intention of working once married, so she wasn't going to waste her time with someone earning less than X amount. I’ve now forgotten the amount she gave, but I remember it being very high, and nowhere close to what I was earning at the time.

I said, "I don't think this is going to work, then". She sighed and said I was another broke loser who thought I could get girls when I wasn't prepared to support them. I noped out of there.

He Had A Temper

man in red carPhoto by Mubariz Mehdizadeh on Unsplash

I once went out on a date with a guy who I’d met on gay.com. He asked to pick me up, which was fine. He picked me up and proceeded to road rage at absolutely everyone for any reason whatsoever. At one point, his head was out the window screaming profanities at an innocent family in a van, who had not even slightly cut him off. I was so scared.

He Loved Radio

So, my date came in, and first thing off the bat said he recognized me from my acne scars. They’re not that bad, in fact, they're very minor. We moved to a coffee shop and halfway through coffee arriving, suddenly, he just jumped out the window. It was a low, large window, so this was pretty easily done. Once he landed on the sidewalk, he legged it up the street.

I sat there in literal disbelief for ages unsure if I should pay the coffee tab or what even happened. He eventually came back. Apparently, he’d recognized his favorite D-grade radio celebrity walking past and just had to go and tell them how much he loves them. He was raving about how exciting this was while I sat there dumbfounded.

Free Tats

I started talking to a guy over Facebook Messenger who was a tattoo artist about to open up his own shop. He invited me to come chill at the shop while setting stuff up. I hadn't even been there five or 10 minutes when he started questioning if I told anyone I was there, or where I was going. And if this wasn’t weird enough, it was about to get weirder.

He started asking what tattoos I wanted next and offered to give me a free tattoo right then. And then he tells me that if I'll be his girlfriend, he'll give me all my tattoos for free. I came up with an excuse to dip out fast. It was so bizarre, this dude was a seriously good tattoo artist. I kind of kick myself for not getting the free ink when I had the chance. He was pretty attractive, too. If he had not acted like a creep straight off the bat, he would've had a very decent chance of scoring.

On A Scale from One To Ten: You Suck

black haired man making facePhoto by Ayo Ogunseinde on Unsplash

There was a guy who I was considering hooking up with. That is, until he said the following: he told me over and over again that I was a solid 7.5 out 10—at best. He said this was okay because most guys lower their standards as they are typically only requiring a six and above for marriage potential. Yeah, I was done after I found out he wasn't joking.

Temper, Temper

I was on a first date with a guy, and things were going okay. I went to the bar to get another drink, and the bartender wrote a CD recommendation on a piece of paper for me. When I got back to our table, my date said, "Did you just give that guy your number?" I was shocked and told him, "no", and that I’d just swapped music recommendations with him.

The guy got super angry and said that he was going to knock the bartender’s block off. I couldn’t help but make a comment about this guy’s bad temper. He agreed with me and told me about a time he got so angry while in traffic that punched his fist through the windscreen. He had scars to prove it. That was a big nope.

He Didn’t Just Lose His Shirt

I went out with a girl, we hit it off well to the point that things heated up and I spent the night at her place. The next morning, I awoke to an embarrassing surprise: all of my clothes were missing and so was she. It turns out, she had taken all of my clothes, including my underwear, with her to work. So, what could I do? I had no clothes and no way to leave her house.

So, I waited for her to come home from work. To her credit, she had cleaned and pressed my clothes as she worked at a dry cleaner. They were just jeans, a button up shirt, trench coat and underwear—but I appreciated the effort. She also replaced a broken button and a tear in the shoulder on my London Fog trench overcoat. This was also very nice and kind.

I was grateful for her efforts, but still put off that I had waited 10 hours for her to get home since I had to essentially stay in bed under the covers. In my mind there would be no second date. She was, however, my friend's friend, so I did see her from time to time when we went out, but I never went back out on an official date with her again.

Her Dance Card Was Full

a couple of people that are dancing on a dance floorPhoto by Preillumination SeTh on Unsplash

I was set up on a blind date with a woman who possibly had some issues mentally. When I got to her home to pick her up, we sat around in the living room before we left for dinner. Unfortunately, all she did was talk about her boyfriend who, two years previous to our date, had lost his life in a car accident. Apparently, he’d been driving too fast and was over the limit to operate a vehicle.

After telling me about the accident, she excused herself to go get something. That's when the date turned into a creepshow. She came back with something that had belonged to the guy. Something she had kept to remember him by. To my horror, it was a blood soaked book from the day of the accident. It was very creepy. Even though this was a huge red flag, I decided to go ahead with the date.

We went to the restaurant and sat and talked and enjoyed our meal. Our meal was about midway through, and we decided to pause and enjoy a dance together. After we returned to our table, some stranger came up and asked her to dance, and she said yes, which surprised me, but I decided just to be chill about it.

An hour later, she hadn’t come back from dancing, so I just got up and walked out. I figured she was having more fun with him, so he could give her a ride home. I think it took her a long time to notice I was gone. Looking back, I could have handled that better. And I don’t like how many times I’ve had to say this in my life: "Could’ve done better".

She Had Two Choices

This happened when I was in college. I was hanging out with this guy in a state park during the night—I know it was a terrible idea. It was going alright until out of nowhere he said: "Don't you ever have the urge to hurt people in very bad ways?" Imagine being with a guy in the middle of the night in a park where nobody is around you and suddenly you hear that. Yikes!

So, suddenly, I wanted to get away from this guy. But there was one big problem: I didn't know my way back to the dorm room. I asked him to help me, and he said he wouldn’t. He gave me two choices: I could figure out the way back by myself or I could spend more time with him in the woods. He then took my phone, so I wouldn’t be able to check the Maps app.

I can't believe how naive I could be sometimes when I fall for someone. I am so glad nothing bad happened.

History remembers Marcus Aurelius as one of the Roman Empire's "good" emperors—but this is Rome we're talking about. Even the good guys did some pretty twisted stuff. From his scandalous marriage to his tainted legacy, this so-called "Philosopher King" had some serious skeletons in his closet. So who really was the last good emperor? Dive in and find out.

1. He Was A Rich Boy

Marcus Aurelius was born into one of Rome's richest families, but that doesn't mean he had a charmed childhood. He lost his father when he was just three years old, never getting to know the man who gave him life. In a touching tribute, he'd later say he learned "modesty and manliness" by studying his deceased dad's life.

So he lost his dad, but at least he had his mom to raise him, right? Well, not exactly...

2. His Mom Wasn't In The Picture

Turns out, Roman ladies weren't exactly the "motherly" type. Marcus Aurelius's mother Lucilla basically never saw her boy, and instead he spent his lonely childhood in the care of nursemaids. But, as the boy got older, the testosterone-fueled Romans believed he needed a man in his life, so a new father-figure hit the scene.

3. He Had An Evil Stepgrandmother

Aurelius's caretakers sent him to live with his grandfather, Marcus Annius Verus. After his isolated days with the nursemaids, Aurelius instantly took to his ol' granpappy. He spoke highly of his grandfather for the rest of his life—but there was one part of this new life he absolutely hated. When Marcus's grandma passed, his grandpa took a mistress, and he utterly despised her.

Though generally a pretty polite dude, something about this woman rubbed Aurelius the wrong way, and he couldn't get out of the house fast enough after she moved in.

4. He Was...Odd

Marcus Aurelius was a homeschool kid, and let's just say it made him a little...weird. Thanks to his, ahem, "eccentric" teachers, Aurelius started wearing rough, worn-out clothing and sleeping on the floor. Imagine if Prince Harry started walking around in a burlap sack and camping out on the grounds at Buckingham Palace. Yeah, it was weird.

Eventually, Aurelius's mother had to beg him to start sleeping in a bed again. It was bad enough that her son was so eccentric—but all of a sudden, he became really important really fast.

5. He Wasn't Supposed To Be Emperor

File:Head of the statue of emperor Hadrian.jpg - Wikipediaen.wikipedia.org

See, the thing about Marcus Aurelius is, he was never supposed to be emperor. Sure, he was rich and came from a powerful family, but there were lots of rich and powerful young men who were a lot closer to the emperor at the time, Hadrian. But, in 136, something happened that changed everything: Hadrian had a sudden hemorrhage and barely survived.

Suddenly, the most powerful man on earth felt mighty fragile. He started looking for a successor—and there was talk buzzing about this weird kid who slept on the floor and loved philosophy.

6. Hadrian Made A Weird Choice

Soon after Hadrian recovered from his attack, he did something no one expected: He announced that his successor was going to be a dude named Lucius Ceionius Commodus. People were...absolutely horrified. See, our friend Lucius wasn't exactly emperor material. He was old, sickly, and frail. This guy could barely stand under his own power, let alone run the Roman Empire.

So why on earth did Emperor Hadrian make the Crypt Keeper his heir? Well, it all has to do with our boy Marcus Aurelius.

7. Hadrian Loved Him

If anyone thought Marcus Aurelius was a weirdo, Hadrian wasn't one of them. The ailing emperor thought he was just the man for the job, but Marcus was still too young to become emperor. But, here's the important part: Marcus Aurelius was engaged to marry old Commodus's daughter. So, Hadrian figured he'd make Commodus his heir, then Commodus would croak pretty quickly, leaving Marcus Aurelius the emperor.

I know what you're thinking: That plan's more convoluted than an 80s action movie, no way it's going to work. Well, guess what? It didn't.

8. His Father-In-Law Croaked

In 138 AD, the most obvious thing in the world happened: Lucius Ceionius Commodus fell ill and passed. That's right: Hadrian was already on death's door, and his heir still didn't manage to outlive him. Pretty sure he got plenty of "I-told-you-sos" after that one. Instead, he made a guy named Antoninus Pius his heir. Since a gentle breeze wasn't about to knock Antoninus over, I'd say he was an upgrade.

So, what about our boy Marcus Aurelius? Don't you worry, thanks he was very much still in the picture.

9. He Swapped Fiancees

Hadrian really wanted Marcus Aurelius to become emperor one day, but it took some really messy dealing to get it done. Basically, after his first heir kicked the bucket, Hadrian made Antoninus Pius his heir, then had him adopt Marcus Aurelius as his son. Then, to really seal the deal, he made Marcus dump his fiance and marry Antoninus Pius's daughter.

Did I just say that Marcus Aurelius married his new sister? Yes, I did. Turns out, Romans loved marrying their sisters.

10. He Went From Nobody To Heir

File:Antoninus Pius Palatino Inv1219.jpg - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.org

Now that Marcus Aurelius was officially in line to become emperor, Hadrian decided he was pretty much done with this whole "living" thing. He tried to take his own life several times, but people kept stopping him, so Hadrian decided to do it the old-fashioned way: He went to a ritzy seaside resort and started eating and drinking anything and everything he ever wanted.

Yeah, he didn't last long. Hadrian passed, Antoninus Pius became emperor, and suddenly our friend Marcus Aurelius was one of the most important people in the Empire—and that brought a whole host of new problems.

11. He Had So Many Kids

In 145, Marcus Aurelius married his sister-but-not-really, Faustina the Younger. This wouldn't end up being the greatest relationship, as you'll soon see, but at least this couple did one thing really well: Made babies. Faustina gave birth to their first child, a girl named Domitia, soon after their marriage. Domitia would be the first of a whopping 13 children.

But aside from that, I think it's fair to say their relationship was a total mess.

12. His Wife Had An Appetite

Marcus Aurelius was famously stern and reserved—Faustina? Not so much. Already a bit of a wild child, one vice possessed her more than the rest: Lust. I guess her Philosopher King wasn't exactly the most exciting partner, because she allegedly liked to sleep around. A lot. And this was the Roman Empire we're talking about, so she had no shortage of man meat.

This is why Faustina enjoyed one particular Roman tradition a little too much...

13. She Liked Tough Guys

The Roman Empire was one of the most militaristic societies in history, so it should come as no surprise that they held their own version of Fleet Week. Rome's finest legionaries, navymen, and gladiators would parade through the streets in their finest gear—and no one enjoyed the display more than Aurelius's wife Faustina. She would use the occasion to scout out new lovers.

But let's not be too quick to cast aspersions on poor Faustina—she faced more pain than most of us will see in our lifetimes.

14. They Suffered Heartbreak

Marcus Aurelius and Faustina's first daughter Domitia was a sickly child from the very beginning, and she barely clung to life for her first years. Almost immediately after she was born, Faustina became pregnant again, this time giving birth to twin boys. The couple rejoiced, but these were even more sickly than their first. The twins didn't survive long—and while grieving them, Domitia just got worse and worse.

15. He Lived His Worst Nightmare

File:Roman Empress Faustina the Younger, 161-170 CE. Marble ...commons.wikimedia.org

Marcus Aurelius should have been spending his days preparing to rule an empire, but he spent most of his time looking after his frail daughter. Sadly, his doting couldn't save her—she passed at just three years old. The loss devastated the couple once again—and according to Aurelius's writings, this was a moment that changed him forever.

16. He Grew Hard

After losing Domitia, Aurelius wrote this: "One man prays: 'How I may not lose my little child', but you must pray: 'How I may not be afraid to lose him.'" Rather than buckle under the pain of losing his children, Aurelius steeled himself into the hard man he'd become. He would end up needing every bit of strength he possessed—because the hard times were only beginning.

17. His Kids Had A Bad Track Record

Though Marcus Aurelius fathered 13 children, only one son and four daughters outlived him. Not a great track record. And the one son who did outlive him wasn't exactly the kind of boy who would make a father proud...

18. His Son Was A Demon

In 161, Faustina gave birth to a healthy son. They named him Lucius Aelius Aurelius Commodus, but you probably only know him by the last part: Commodus, the only one of Marcus Aurelius's sons to live to adulthood. Unfortunately, Commodus didn't have much of his father in him...He'd go on to be one of the most bloodthirsty, arrogant, and hated emperors in Rome's history.

But that's jumping ahead—we haven't even gotten to Marcus Aurelius's ascension yet.

19. He Made It

It's a good thing Marcus Aurelius was a patient guy (his wife can attest to that), because he had to wait a long time before becoming emperor. Antoninus Pius reigned for 22 long years before he finally kicked the bucket. As soon as that happened, Marcus Aurelius finally became emperor—but there was a bit of a wrinkle. In a strange turn of events, Aurelius wasn't the only emperor.

20. He Didn't Rule Alone

Colossal head of Lucius Verus (mounted on a modern bust), … | Flickrwww.flickr.com

Marcus Aurelius didn't rule Rome alone at first. He had a co-emperor: Lucius Verus. Now, if you think that Roman emperors don't tend to be the "sharing" type, you'd be right. Though both of them were emperors, Marcus Aurelius technically had a little bit more power than Lucius Verus. He also happened to be smarter, calmer, and all-around less nuts than Verus.

And they both got along perfectly and nothing dramatic happened, right? Yeah, about that...

21. They Couldn't Have Been More Different

Poor Lucius Verus, the guy never stood a chance. See, Marcus Aurelius, for his all his faults and saucy personal life, was a pretty darn good emperor. That's why Roman historians called him the last of the Five Good Emperors. He kept Rome stable, managed to expand its borders, and didn't make half the empire despise him. If you're a Roman emperor, that's about as good as it gets.

On the other hand, history has almost entirely forgotten Lucius Verus. He was a total screw-up and he just couldn't manage to get himself out of Aurelius's shadow—but hey, at least he got a (super gross) consolation prize...

22. He Married His Brother To His Daughter

One thing is for sure: Unless your name is Commodus, you definitely did not want to be Marcus Aurelius's kid. First of all, you'd be lucky to see your first birthday. But then, even if you did, you'd probably end up married to some old dude before you were even a teenager. That was his daughter Annia Lucilla's fate. Aurelius betrothed her to his fully-adult co-emperor Lucius Verus when she was just 11 years old.

And if that's not gross enough, it gets worse. Aurelius and Verus were technically brothers, so that meant that Annia Lucilla wasn't just marrying a man decades older than her, but that man happened to be her uncle. Yick.

23. His Happy Times Didn't Last Long

Aside from marrying his daughter to his brother and his wife's taste for sailors and gladiators, the start of Marcus Aurelius's reign actually went pretty smoothly. In fact, he would call his first years as emperor the "happy times." Sounds nice right? Well, not really. See, if you call an early period the happy times, that can only mean one thing: There were some dark times ahead—and were there ever.

Marcus Aurelius's reign was about to devolve into chaos, and to make matters worse, his wife was at the center of it.

24. His Wife Had A Darker Side

According to Roman historians, Faustina the Younger played the game of thrones with the best of them: By that we mean, she never hesitated to poison or just flat-out execute anyone who got in her way. This was a serious contrast to her husband's more pragmatic approach to ruling, but hey, to each their own. And it's not like ol' Marcus Aurelius couldn't use the help. His predecessor had made sure of that...

25. His Predecessor Had Beefs

Take It Personally Michael Jordan GIFGiphy

As he lay on his deathbed, Emperor Antoninus Pius laid down the equivalent of an Ancient Roman diss track. He spent his final moments calling out all the foreign kings and political adversaries who had wronged him like Michael Jordan at the Hall of Fame. No, Antoninus Pius wasn't exactly the most diplomatic guy—and that meant he left quite the mess for Marcus Aurelius to clean up.

Eventually, those old enemies came back to haunt him, and Aurelius learned there's a difference between learning how to run an empire and actually doing it.

26. He Faced Rebellion

One of the enemies Antoninus Pius name-checked in his final moments was the King of Parthia—with good reason. Not long into Marcus Aurelius's reign, said king revolted. To make matters worse, the Roman governor in the region, a guy named Severianus, was a bit of an idiot. Convinced he could take on the Parthians himself, Severianus charged straight at them...and got his entire legion massacred then took his own life.

The situation in Parthia was getting completely out of hand, but Marcus Aurelius came up with a devious plan—a plan that could kill two birds with one stone.

27. His Partner Was A Disaster

Parthia was in revolt, but Marcus Aurelius had another problem: He co-emperor Lucius Verus. While Aurelius was all about running an empire, Verus was all about spending money, partying, and sleeping around, and it was starting to get embarrassing. So, Marcus Aurelius decided there was nothing like a little campaigning to straighten a man out. He sent Verus to Parthia to deal with the upstart king, hoping the conflict would teach him how to be a better emperor.

If you think that's what happened, you're greatly overestimating the incorrigible Lucius Verus.

28. His Plan Failed Miserably

Marcus Aurelius hoped Verus would lead his Roman legions to victory over the treacherous Parthian king. Verus said, "Nah." He spent the entire time partying and gambling with a bunch of bohemian actors while other men handled the conflict. Rather than make Verus finally smarten up, if anything, it made him even worse.

That didn't stop him from taking all the credit when Rome captured the Parthian king's main stronghold, though. But that's not nearly the worst thing he did during his little vacay in Parthia...

29. His Cousin Paid The Price

Anyone who knew Lucius Verus knew not to trust him very far, and that included Marcus Aurelius. He sent his cousin Libo along with Verus to keep an eye on the debaucherous emperor. However, Libo mysteriously turned up dead very early on in the campaign—and few people thought it was an accident. Historians have long speculated that Verus personally had Libo taken out of the picture so he'd be free to party as he pleased.

30. He Was Almost Too Nice

File:Cicero Denounces Catiline in the Roman Senate by Cesare ...en.m.wikipedia.org

It's hard to imagine two emperors more different than Marcus Aurelius and Lucius Verus. Verus went about doing whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted—which almost always meant drinking and gambling and almost never meant running an empire. Meanwhile, Marcus Aurelius always asked the Senate for permission whenever he wanted to spend money on a new project even though, as emperor, he could do whatever the heck he wanted.

But let's not go thinking that Marcus Aurelius was some saint. He was good...as far as Roman emperors go. As you're about to see, that was a pretty low bar to clear.

31. He Had A Dark Side Too

The early days of the Roman Empire weren't exactly the best time to be a Christian. Roman emperors brutally oppressed members of the fledgling religion—and somehow Marcus Aurelius managed to top them all. Under this "good emperor," not only did the Roman Empire persecute more Christians than ever, but the punishments they doled out got even harsher.

Apparently, Marcus Aurelius hadn't read the bible: If you mess with Christians, you get a plague—and one of the worst the world had ever seen was coming.

32. He Faced A New Danger

The world was changing fast while Marcus Aurelius was emperor. Trade networks spread further than ever before, and the Romans actually made contact with China for the first time ever. This meant goods and information spread across the globe—but that's not the only thing that spread. Around 165, Marcus Aurelius would face his greatest enemy yet. It came back with the soldiers from the East, and it claimed more lives than any battle ever could.

The Antonine Plague had arrived.

33. His Empire Suffered

As if Lucius Verus's campaign in the East couldn't have gone any worse, when he came back to Rome, he brought the plague with him. Believed to be smallpox or maybe measles, whatever it was, it hit Rome like a ton of bricks. People started dying by the thousands every single day. In a matter of months, Marcus Aurelius's hold on his empire started slipping—but at least there he found a silver lining to this catastrophe.

34. He Found The Bright Side

The Antonine Plague was one of the most horrifying events in human history. By the time it had ended, it had claimed the lives of up to 10 million people. However, it did solve at least one of Marcus Aurelius's problems: In 169, Aurelius's hapless co-emperor fell suddenly ill and passed at just 38 years old. Reports at the time said it was food poisoning, but many historians have speculated it was the plague.

Perhaps Roman officials didn't want people thinking a grand, divine emperor had died the same way as the common people. Either way, that was one less headache for Marcus Aurelius—but the worst scandal of his reign was soon to follow.

35. His Problems Piled Up

person walking near The Great SphinxPhoto by Spencer Davis on Unsplash

They didn't have email in the Roman Empire, so that meant news traveled really slowly. And when news did arrive, who can say if it was even true. That's what happened when a general, Avidius Cassius, received earth-shattering news in Egypt: Marcus Aurelius was no more. He wasted no time in proclaiming himself emperor, completely unaware that Marcus Aurelius was very much alive.

The whole thing started with a simple misunderstanding, but it would end in bloodshed.

36. The Pretender Screwed Up

The smart thing for Cassius to do would have been to renounce his claim to the throne once he realized Marcus Aurelius lived, but no one who wants to rule the Roman Empire would give up power that easily. By the time he heard the truth, he already had two legions behind him and he decided he kinda liked this whole empire thing. That was the biggest mistake he ever made.

37. He Got A Head In The Mail

Cassius got to enjoy being a fake emperor for exactly three months and six days. After he realized the news of Marcus Aurelius's passing was greatly exaggerated, he kept up the charade, but the writing was on the wall. Soon enough, one of his own centurians stabbed him in the back—literally. They then cut off his head and sent it straight to Marcus Aurelius to prove their loyalty.

The head absolutely horrified Aurelius, and he refused to even look at it. Granted a head would horrify most people, but the Romans tended to be into that kind of thing. Maybe he dreaded it so much because he knew who was behind this betrayal...

38. His Worst Betrayal

According to the histories, none other than Faustina herself, Marcus Aurelius's own wife, put Cassius up to the whole thing. She knew that her husband was growing old and frail, so she wanted to set up a puppet emperor to keep the throne warm until her son Commodus came of age. As if it wasn't enough to sleep around on her husband, but now she stabbed him in the back too...

39. His Wife's End Was Mysterious

If indeed it was Faustina behind the false emperor, she didn't last long enough to try something like that again. She passed in 175 under mysterious circumstances; no historian is exactly sure what happened to her. So, not only did Marcus Aurelius outlive the majority of his children, but he also outlived his much-younger wife, too.

I guess he was too busy to die. After all, he was plenty busy finishing his greatest accomplishment—the thing that would make him a legend.

40. The World Read His Diary

Fragment of a bronze portrait of Marcus Aurelius, probably… | Flickrwww.flickr.com

Marcus Aurelius's book Meditations is maybe his greatest accomplishment. Written over the course of 20 years, it's his reflection on life, politics, and philosophy. This landmark work has been studied by countless scholars over the centuries—which makes this next part a little awkward: Aurelius didn't want anyone reading it! He called the work, "To Himself" because it was basically his secret diary, intended for his eyes only.

Apparently, no one cares about an emperor's privacy after he's gone...

41. He Faded Away

Some Roman emperors died at the hands of their own soldiers. Some took their own lives, or partied so hard their hearts gave up. Marcus Aurelius was not one of those. This simple, reserved man met a simple, reserved end. He passed from unknown causes in 180 AD. He was nearly 60 and had been ill for years, and the man had surprisingly few enemies for a Roman emperor, so few historians think there was foul play involved.

The foul play would come later, because with Marcus Aurelius gone, Rome was about to enter a dark time.

42. He Was The Last Good One

When you picture the Roman Empire, you probably picture the 200 years of the Pax Romana, between the reigns of Augustus and Marcus Aurelius. Those were the golden years. Next came our boy's son Commodus, a spoiled and violent dictator whose rule threw Rome into utter chaos. From there, it was basically one long descent to the fall of Rome a couple centuries later. Oh well, it was good while it lasted.

43. His Nepotism Doomed Rome

So where the heck did everything go wrong? Here's one clue: Commodus marked the first time ever that a biological son succeeded his father as Emperor of Rome. Why's that so bad? Well, recent emperors had tended to choose heirs who they thought would make good emperors. Commodus was a brat whose mother spoiled him rotten and believed he deserved the throne with no effort. See the problem?

And the saddest part is, Marcus Aurelius saw all of this coming, yet was powerless to stop it.

44. He Didn't Believe In His Son

Marcus Aurelius knew his kid was a screw-up. He feared that Commodus would be a poor emperor, more interested in his own hedonistic pleasures than in actually ruling an empire. Well, this is one time Marcus Aurelius was actually wrong. Commodus wasn't just a poor emperor—he was one of the worst emperors ever.

45. Commodus Was Worse Than Anyone Imagined

commodus as hercules | The vainglorious megalomaniac emperor… | Flickrwww.flickr.com

Anyone who says, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree" has never heard of Commodus. While his father was intelligent, reserved, and thoughtful, Commodus was arrogant, brash, and cruel. Convinced Hercules was his ancestor, Commodus loved nothing more than doing demigod cosplay and entering the gladiator area to murder innocents and slaughter animals.

And that's not even close to the worst of it. He neglected his people, bankrupted the Empire, and eventually fell to an assassin. So much for "making daddy proud."

46. There Was One Truly Scandalous Story About Him

No matter how much Commodus stained Marcus Aurelius's legacy, everyone still considered the latter a pretty remarkable man. But even remarkable men have skeletons in their closets, and there was one chilling rumor that dogged Marcus Aurelius wherever he went. His wife's many affairs were an open secret throughout Rome—but one of her flings got a lot more disturbing than the rest.

47. His Wife Fell In Love

Faustina allegedly had many partners, but one of them was special. Multiple ancient sources claim that she actually fell in love with a nameless gladiator. Two things made this man different: Faustina actually cared for him, and Marcus Aurelius found out about him. And when the emperor did learn about his wife's affair, his response was absolutely twisted.

48. He Asked For Help

Marcus Aurelius was never one to rush into anything, so when he found out about his wife's new man, he asked some Chaldean soothsayers for advice. And boy oh boy, did they give it. The soothsayers had the perfect way for Marcus Aurelius to reclaim his manhood. First, they said Faustina must sleep with the gladiator one last time. I'm sure Aurelius wasn't too excited about that part—but it's what came next that was the truly messed up part.

49. He Did Some Weird Stuff In The Bedroom

The soothsayers had Faustina sleep with her gladiator—then had Aurelius stab the man while they were doing it. Pretty dark, right? We're just getting started. Then, he made Faustina bathe in the man's blood, and once she was good and lathered up, Aurelius slept with her over the man's still-warm body! If you think Roman histories are boring, you're not reading closely enough, because this stuff is straight out of 50 Shades of Grey fan-fic.

50. Did He Like It?

File:Marcus Aurelius auf dem Pferd.jpg - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.org

After that bananas bit of foreplay, one question remains: Why the heck did Marcus Aurelius put up with his wife's constant affairs? He was, after all, the emperor of the freaking Roman empire, and he could have left her if he wanted. Well, evidently, he believed that as the last emperor's daughter, "her dowry was the empire." Basically, he thought if he left her, he'd have no claim to the throne anymore.

I don't know if I really buy that—maybe he was just into it?