Wedding Officiants Share Their Craziest 'Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace' Experiences
This was really supposed to be just a harmless formality.
Years ago I became an officiant to preside over my best friend's wedding. I was super excited because I love a good spotlight performance, let's be honest, the officiant is the principal lead, at least at my weddings. I am also an avid daytime and primetime soap opera junkie.
I live for those weddings where the real love of whoever's life stands up makes a whole bunch of mess. From Luke, Laura and Scotty on General Hospital to Jackson, April, Matthew and Stephanie on Grey's Anatomy, those wedding interruptions were fantastic high drama and I yearn for the day I officiate a wedding and witness this moment in real-time--with a happy ending of course. These are the reasons you always pay for an open bar.Redditor u/CC2385 wanted to hear from everybody who has lead a wedding when that "soap opera" moment has actually happened by asking..... Wedding registrars/ officiants: Has anyone ever spoken up when asking "speak now or forever hold your peace"? What happened?
BTW... I am still available for weddings.
Clear your throat....Giphy
Only thing close, although I wasn't the officiant, was the groom's mother coughed when this was asked, as she didn't like the bride.
A wedding years ago at the bride's parents home. Everything was perfect. They thought that they had thought of everything, but when the question was asked, right on cue, the cuckoo clock sounded off. It was ten minutes before they could continue, and even then the officiant, bride and groom were choking back giggles. They were still together 25 years and 2 kids later.
"start some crap"
We were doing the practice run the day before the wedding and my best man took me aside and told me in private that if I got cold feet he would object and "start some crap" to distract everyone for me to make my exit. He even checked the back church doors to make sure. During the ceremony he was the first person I looked at when they asked. Besides the Peter Griffin laugh when he handed me the ring it all went smoothly.
At my wedding we were asked that, as the room went silent all of a sudden we heard my friend's 4 year old pipe up with "I'm a jellyfish!". Broke the tension!
"I'D RATHER DIE THAN LET THIS MAN MARRY MY DAUGHTER!!" -Mother of Daughter
The husband was an abusive alcoholic, the daughter showing up at her mother's door multiple times covered in bruises with her children crying, and when the priest asked the daughter if she still wanted to continue she was like "Yeah. He's gonna change."
He did not.
My sister's wedding last summer, when the officiant was at that part, my dad yelled "c'mon lets all admit we don't like Matt (the soon to be husband) so we can get out of here". My dad is also an alcoholic so it makes more sense and he was kicked out so yay. Makes it even funnier because no one in my family 100% likes my sisters husband.
The Strawberry Family
My grandmother's sister's family owns a large farm and on this farm is a beautiful strawberry patch. My cousin got married in peak strawberry season in the patch. It was beautiful. The patch is right beside the irrigation pond the sprinkler system is attached to that keeps the strawberries watered.
As the preacher asked if anyone objected to the match a flock of geese took off from the pond going, "WAAAACK, WAAAACK, WAAAAACK, WAAAACK!" It was captured on film and everyone got a kick out of it.
"Last chance Em!" - father of the bride.
To be fair to the groom, she isn't exactly a winner either. Everyone giggled like it was a joke. It was not. They married in April last year (4-20 hurr durr durr) with a pot themed wedding.
"but I love him!"
It happened at my wedding. My now husband's group of high school friends say together at the back. When the question was asked one yelled "but I love him!" The room was silent for a second before my husband and I broke out laughing. It wasn't a serious ceremony, we had a sex joke mixed in there and I had a bridesmaid faint. 10/10 would have my ceremony happen the same way.
HER?!wedding beach GIFGiphy
I wasn't there, but when my cousin was little (like 3) I wasn't officiating but attending a family friends wedding (Groom). I was sitting pretty far back so I didnt hear everything but basically as soon as the officiant said "Speak now or forever hold your peace". One of the bridesmaids had muttered something under her breath. There was a big gasp and then chaos because one of the other bridesmaids had started swinging on her and the bride was egging her on. The groomsmen stepped up and broke it up and the bride and groom walked away to talk. What I found out was the bridesmaid who had spoken up was the groom's sister. She apparently had found out that on the weekend of the bachelorette party the bride had screwed her ex BF. She had muttered it "under her breath" but of course loud enough for the wedding party to hear. The brides best friend then started swinging on her.
Everything was awkward until they called the wedding off and hour later.
A few months later they broke up. I guess the bride had had a few more indiscretions during their relationships that came out in counseling..
She was in love with said best friend. So when they asked that, she yelled "WHY DID YOU MARRY HER?!" Much laughter ensued, and we still talk about it thirty years later. Pretty sure they're still married.
I wasn't officiating but attending a family friends wedding (Groom). I was sitting pretty far back so I didnt hear everything but basically as soon as the officiant said "Speak now or forever hold your peace". One of the bridesmaids had muttered something under her breath. There was a big gasp and then chaos because one of the other bridesmaids had started swinging on her and the bride was egging her on. The groomsmen stepped up and broke it up and the bride and groom walked away to talk.
What I found out was the bridesmaid who had spoken up was the groom's sister. She apparently had found out that on the weekend of the bachelorette party the bride had screwed her ex BF. She had muttered it "under her breath" but of course loud enough for the wedding party to hear. The brides best friend then started swinging on her.
Everything was awkward until they called the wedding off and hour later.
A few months later they broke up. I guess the bride had had a few more indiscretions during their relationships that came out in counseling.
First hand account
I'll make the story short, always had an on again-off again deal with this woman for many years. The day before her wedding she came to my house, spend the whole day. Her friends, parents, everybody but the groom called me throughout the whole day and evening if I had seen her. I lied to all these people per her request. She wanted to marry me and not the groom. Said multiple times during the day and during our 'activities'.
It was weird. Late that night she left my house and I didn't hear from her, or anybody else till the ceremony the next day. Day was totally normal until the officiant asked that loaded question. Bride's eyes shifted to me and so did a few other people. Never been so nervous in my life to not make a damn sound. I was sealed up tighter then a frog's a-hole. I didn't say anything. The ceremony went on as normal and once it was done. I got in my car and left.
Check all the rooms
This happened at my wedding; well, it was more that it was interrupted- my fiancé was still married! He had told me she died, and that's why I was hired as a nanny for his kids. So, his BIL and his lawyer stopped the wedding. Turns out his first wife had serious mental health problems, was an arsonist, and was living in another part of the house. No wonder it was a quick engagement!
Anyways, wedding was called off and I noped out. Then she died in a fire she lit, the whole house burned down, ex-fiancé went blind. I went to check in on him later, I mean, it was mostly for the kids but kinda wanted to show off how I was doing better in life.
We kinda got back together though.
Smite instead of smitten
Friend's in-home wedding. A thunderstorm started as they started the ceremony. "Speak now or forever hold your peace" - huge thunderclap that echoed for a few seconds. It was accurate, don't think they lasted a year.
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Reddit user Kai6180 asked:'What’s the best decision you’ve ever made?'
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference." ~ The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost
Life is full of choices. Each one we make can send our lives in entirely different directions.
Sometimes our decisions work out for us and sometimes disaster ensues.
But let's focus on the positive.
Reddit user Kai6180 asked:
"What’s the best decision you’ve ever made?"
"In 2012 I got an offer from Amazon. It meant leaving Arizona and all my friends and family to move to Seattle. I stressed about it for a long time and finally decided to take it for a year and then move home."
"Met a girl my first week here and married her 5 years later."
"I found [what I thought] a US Army grenade simulator as a kid. It had a pull string."
"I held it and was going to pull it but changed my mind. Instead I tied it to tree and got more string until it I had about 10 feet."
"It blew a hole in the pine tree about the size of pie tin and about 2 inches deep. The cops came. I would have lost my hand or worse."
"The year was 1968."
"Changing my major."
"I have so much more motivation for school now that I actually love what I’m studying."
Isn't It Romantic?
"I don't give a f'k if it’s cheesy, but proposing to/marrying my wife."
"Right there with you, buddy."
"If this answer is cheesy then call me Mr. Rella."
"Was going to say same. 34 years happy."
"Accepting an accidental friend request from the woman who'd eventually become my girlfriend."
"I agreed to snap with a girl who texted me first on an Online Dating site last December. Just reached 8 months with the woman that will most likely become my wife."
"I thought she was a bot or something when she first texted me."
"A bit over a year ago, I decided it was time to lose weight. Now, I had the yearning to lose weight before that, because being fat sucks."
"But I got a haircut that looked really good and I looked in the mirror and it was as if I were seeing myself for the first time. I looked at myself and thought 'I could be pretty. I really could. You know what? I'm going to give this an honest try'."
"So I did. I researched the hell out of weight loss, began calorie counting and I am proud to say that Ihave lost 127 lbs... so far."
"Now it isn't even a matter of 'Gee, will I ever reach my goal weight?' It is a matter of WHEN."
"My whole life has changed, and 95% of those changes have been positive. I have met a version of myself I never knew existed. And it is f'king beautiful."
"At 30 years old with a wife and two kids, go to college."
"My standard of living dramatically improved after graduating."
"I’m 36 and in my second year."
"My daughters will know a better life than I had."
"Leaving my ex. We were horribly toxic together and I'm so much happier now."
"Give yourself time to grieve and process. Even when it's the best decision, the pain from the loss is still there. It will be ok. A new kind of ok."
"Needed this, just left a very one way relationship where everything was about her and now I am free but still hurts to lose that talk every single day aspect."
"Leaving and going no contact with my abusive family."
"Congratulations on that, ❤️ people have no idea how hard that is."
"I just did this. I knew I had to get away from them. COVID made things worse."
"I hired a company to help me fix my credit and I bought a house in a small town in a different state."
"Right now the heat is keeping me indoors but once fall comes it's going to be heaven."
"Right there with ya'."
"I feel much more relaxed."
"Divorcing my husband just short of 50 years!"
"No more negative influence."
"My aunt divorced her husband after 38 years and she has been a new person ever since."
"You can tell the weight was lifted."
"Stopping drinking alcohol."
"Today I have my life back and I am very grateful."
"Getting sober from alcohol - 1,290 days but who’s countin!"
"Quit smoking and drinking, started to exercise!"
"I quit drinking and smoking on the same day about 14 years ago....it was a rough couple of weeks..."
"After college I started interviewing for graphic design jobs, and I realized 'Oh, this would be excruciating corporate bullsh*t'.”
"I had a moment in time where I knew I needed to decide between a miserable “grownup” job that pays well after a few years, or just working wherever and focusing on enjoying life."
"I wanted to live life, not devote myself to joyless adulthood and a career. I ended up meeting a lot of awesome people, including close friends I still hang out with a decade later, and making countless memories I cherish."
"Recently I started focusing on making more money and being a serious adult, and it feels like the right time for that."
"Getting a Golden Retriever puppy.
"That was 11 years ago and now I have 3. So much happiness and love."
"Animals help in ways I don't think some humans really understand."
"My girls [cats] act like they hate me but they are always there for me...for one minute."
Like we said, life is full of choices.
So which ones worked out well for you?
When I was in college, a cousin of mine who lived in London all her life came to visit me. We went out to my favorite restaurant on her first day and I warned her right of the bat not to order too much. She'd never been to New York, but I had been to London, and I knew there was a difference in portion sizes.
Portion sizes in England are usually just enough to satisfy you while potion sizes in America are usually too much to finish in one sitting. I explained this to her, but she waved me off. It was a point of pride for her that in any given group of people, she was always the one who ate the most, and the one who never slipped into a food coma.
She was surprised to find that the chicken finger appetizer she ordered, which she refused to split when I suggested it, came on top of a mountain of loaded fries. She was struggling to finish it when the entree she ordered came out. She paled when she remembered it came with four sides.
In the end, she had to pack up a lot of the food, which was a totally new concept to her.
Ordering too much thinking you are going to finish it all is just one of the things foreigners should avoid doing when visiting America. There are plenty of other things to avoid or places not to go, and Redditors are eager to share what those things are.
It all started when Redditor AlainasBoyfriend asked:
"What should a foreigner avoid while visiting the United States?"
"Don’t be bullheaded when it comes to the weather. If the locals are worried, you should be worried."
"Friend was gored to death by a mountain goat. Right through the femoral artery."
"If you go to the national parks, don’t attempt to take selfies with the wildlife. A full grown bison will throw you through the air like a crumpled piece of paper."
"In Washington DC, avoid taking pictures in front of DC District court thinking it is the Supreme Court. The Supreme Court is 6 blocks away."
"Also, the White House is MUCH smaller than you think it is."
"And eat and eat..."
"Ordering a large at a restaurant, or especially a movie theater. I don't care how hungry you think you are, you will not eat/drink it all in one sitting."
"Especially stupid if there are free refills on drinks lol."
City Folk, Beware
"If you are visiting a more rural area, like Montana where I live, don't underestimate the rural-ness. You might not be able to get a hotel in a small town and there are plenty ty of places where there aren't any hotels or accommodations. You can take highway and run out of gas because there aren't any gas stations for 70 miles."
"Also, if it is a dirt road, and there are a lot of them in the rural U.S., don't ever assume that you will have cell/GPS reception or that the dirt road goes anywhere besides 50 miles into the mountains where you can get stuck or break down. It's hard to conceptualize for people who live in more populated areas."
"Your best bet is to plan ahead and read reviews. It is absolutely worth it to visit areas where there is wilderness. That is why I live here. That being said, it's dangerous in a different way than visiting a city."
"Damn, as an American city dweller, you made me scared of Montana."
"Driving from New York to LA."
"Unless you're planning to spend 2 weeks visiting places in between. The drive will not take just a few days!"
"We had an exchange student from France staying with us (NY). one day, we saw her with a map of the US, said she was going to take a bus to California because she had heard so much about it on television."
"We had to sit down and explain it was going to take a week, each way."
"Yep. I lived in France for a longtime and took the bus everywhere. on a 10 hr ride there you could easily cross three countries..."
Six Feet Apart
"I find a lot of foreigners have about 2 1/2 inches of a personal space bubble, while us Americans value our space. Keep at least a 2-3 feet distance when conversing with strangers. I've had an Italian guy come so close I thought he was going to kiss me. Very uncomfortable for someone who isn't used to a lack of personal space."
Keep Your Mind Wide Open
"Leave all your stereotypes about America home, it's a hugely diverse country and your experience in one part of the US will be very different to your experience in another. Keep an open mind and have fun."
"Well said. I don’t think most first time visitors to the US get just how different one state can be from the next."
"Don't smoke in public buildings, this is illegal."
"Don't smoke in someone's house, apartment, or condo without asking for permission. This isn't illegal, but it's still extremely rude."
"This feels like common courtesy anywhere in general. Even in houses where people smoke, I still go outside to smoke. I'm really uncomfortable smoking in other people's houses."
Don't Forget To Tip You Waiter
"Remember that our service staff do not get paid a living wage. They rely on tips to survive. If you can’t afford to tip, don’t eat out."
"Tipping is compulsory here. It's super fucky, and really shouldn't be. But it is. Especially if you plan on sticking to one area and eating in a place more than once, you'd best tip. Don't toy with the people who handle your food out of eye-shot..."
Where To Eat
"Don't go to the big chain type places. Go to the mom and pop little restaurants and coffee shops and specialty shops. You will usually find new cool things you enjoy."
"Agree but check reviews. Not all small businesses are created equal. Chains are good if you don’t have time to do research. You know what you’re getting (probably)."
American Health Care
"Avoid a hospital visit. Whatever you think it costs, it’s more."
"Whatever a European thinks is a cartoonish amount, and then triple it, and that'll cover the ambulance ride there."
"Right? I remember listening to a Dutch person complain that their Healthcare wasn't actually free despite what Americans said. He went on to explain that he has to pay something like a $20 copay to go to the dentist and some vague circumstance where you might theoretically have to pay close to a hundred dollars at some point. It was cute."
Get Me A Map!
"Avoid looking lost and unorganized in areas of big cities with high crime rates. Dress functionally, always keep the illusion of knowing where you are and where you're going, pay attention to your surroundings. Bad people will target folks who look lost and unorganized more often than people who appear oriented."
"That kind of applies to any big city in the world."
"If I am legitimately lost, I will walk with purpose until I find somewhere to sit. Once seated, the phone comes out and I try to make it look like I am texting someone and not studying a map. Nothing stands out like a group of people, standing in the middle of the sidewalk, all staring at one person's phone."
I'm not even a foreigner and I follow this rule all the time. Extremely important!
Ideally life is a rollercoaster of highs and lows.
Constant highs set up an unrealistic expectation of the world that can come crashing down hard over the smallest setbacks.
Constant lows are just plain cruel.
A mix helps develop coping skills and problem solving while not crushing the spirit.
Curious about what constituted low points, Reddit user beesechugersports asked:
"What was the worst year of your life?"
"1987. I was 13."
My dad was killed when he was hit by a car. Total accident."
"I think about the driver sometimes. I hope he forgave himself."
"I honestly don't recall ever feeling anything toward that guy. I think I was more upset with the neighbor who came to our door to tell us he thought my dad was in an accident."
"My mom piled us in the car and we drove down the street to the scene. My dad's body was under a sheet.
"That night I was numb until my mom hugged me and I bawled in her arms. After that I pretty much shut down emotionally for a couple decades."
"Took me a long time to get help for my own PTSD."
"2011 - Lost my job, girlfriend, friends, had to move back in with my folks where I fell into a deep depression."
"That went on on until 2014 when I was able to turn the ship around."
"People underestimate how horrible those 2-3 yrs of depression feel."
"I was in rock bottom depression for 2 yrs and it felt like a decade passing by."
"2012. The year started out great. I met and befriended an adult film actress on my birthday and had an active sex life for the first time ever."
"I was finally off the night shift at my job. I applied for grad school. I was accepted into a program for veterans at the Writer's Guild of America."
"I had finally arrived."
"But by September it was all over. My relationship with 'Nadia' had turned toxic and ended in a huge fight."
"I was rejected from grad school. The WGA program didn't pan out for me."
"Worst of all, I was fired from my good job. I nearly became homeless and had to go back to working the night shift guarding a gated community in Beverly Hills."
"By the year's end, I was alone and broke (I would declare bankruptcy early the next year) with no hope for the future."
"2014. My business suffered a 4 million dollar loss."
"Then my fiancée who I was with for 6 years left me for her boss just 3 months before our wedding."
"I wasn't able to find another partner but I did recover from the absolute shambles I was in."
"Just the fact that I'm able to function normally and interact with people again without breaking down is a big win for me."
Post College Struggles
"2014—the year I graduated college and was looking for work and had bad acne and unrelenting pressure from my parents and a poor social life and I worked Uber while studying for the Chartered Financial Analyst exam that I ended up failing."
"2017. I lost my best friend that year.. we met during our first year of university and immediately hit it off and became close."
"We were inseparable for 7 years. I’ve never been the same since then.. I died with him."
"I wish I could’ve helped him.. I wish I could just take one last drive and smoke one last cigarette with him ,and tell him how much I love him and how much he means to me."
"Please tell your friends that you love them whenever you get the chance.. you never know when will be the last time you hang out together."
Seeing the Light
"2018. Realized I was part of a cult."
"It was called the Great Commission Churches when I attended though they’ve changed their name multiple times over the years when they’ve been accused of abusive practices."
Long Road to Recovery
"2019. Last straw at my job, where the management team turned on me, resulting in me putting in my 2 weeks after my complaint against a lying supervisor was dismissed."
"Had no more income, so I couldn't pay rent, and thus had to move out of the shared house I had with a friend and his fiancée (wasn't on lease, had no obligation to stay, and the fiancée even told me "you know, you don't have to live here" during an argument)."
"Said fiancée convinced him to turn on me and drop me as a friend, which resulted in him going off and convincing the only other friend I had to do the same."
"My cat developed a genetic illness that paralyzed her and my step-father put her down behind my back. My childhood dog developed cancer and was suffering so she was also put down, but I was able to hold her while she passed."
"Great aunt died of cancer, great uncle (other side of family) died of cancer."
"That was the lowest I've ever been, and I haven't even recovered 20% yet."
"2021 was the year when my mental health was worse than ever."
"Looking back I'm proud of myself that I just survived."
"Well done on that and also, same."
"2021 can go straight in the bin."
"On the flip side 2021 was probably one of the best years of mine as an adult."
"My girlfriend and I were able to spend so much time together because she was only working maybe 1 day a week and I worked at an empty warehouse from 7 to 3 Monday to Friday."
"When everything went back to normal we both were working so much we ended up splitting up, so I guess 2022 sucked pretty bad."
Piling It On
For some, their worst year isn't done with them yet.Giphy
"2023. By far the worst year of my life.
"Got laid off, took forever to find a new job, fiancée got pregnant then lost it then she got cancer, hated my new job, went heavily into debt to survive, fiancée beats cancer, she gets a life insurance payout from her father's passing, she gets pregnant again."
"Then I find out after she up and vanishes suddenly that every single thing was a lie. She faked it all from top to bottom for two years and pulled the rug out from under me, suddenly running off with our dogs."
"Since then I guess she needs some sick gratification that she’s not getting from just all that and continues to stalk me on social media/Reddit as well as spoof her phone number to text me sh*t with purely the intent of trying to hurt me."
"Losing the dogs hurt and still hurts, won’t lie, but being rid of her has been nothing short of a blessing."
"My dog died in June."
"My wife died in July."
"My cat died in August."
"I have 5 kids."
Dear whatever doesn't kill me, I'm strong enough now.
"Every year seems to beat the previous."
Oof, that's a lot to take.
While some are still going through it, many have already come out on the other side.
Here's hoping better days are ahead soon for everyone.Giphy
Relationships are meant to be fun, and having a crush can feel so dreamy in a way, but there are reasons for relationships to end and crushes to dissolve.
Those reasons are absolutely valid, but some of them are also really terrible to think about.
A Redditor who has since deleted their account asked:
"What killed your feelings for someone you were once madly in love with?"
All For Convenience
"He just didn't seem to actually give a s**t about me, unless I was doing something for him or making his life easier."
The Biggest Ick
"When he left me for someone half my age. By the way, I was 29 years old."
No Needs Met
"He stopped meeting my needs. I noticed he would bend over backwards for anyone else but neglected me all the time. Any small thing I asked was just too much."
"If he did ask me if I wanted anything from the store, etc., he would come back with everything everyone else asked for and he would forget mine. He peed on the toilet seat so many times and refused to be considerate and wipe after use..."
"The final straw was when I lost my brother recently. He just left me to grieve and didn't really give me any emotional support, no hugs, no asking if I'm alright. He became irritable and moody and now I've just lost whatever was left."
Their Smallest Fan
"Their constant daily criticism of everything I do, every little thing!"
The Unfaithful Partner
"She cheated on me with a married man. I cried and said I thought we were going to get married someday."
"She said, 'I was NEVER going to marry you!'"
"Nice way to kick someone when they're down..."
Too Humbling of an Experience
"She said, 'I'm just... better than you.'"
"That was said to me the night after I finished my first degree in music. Apparently, I wasn't a 'hard science' major, so all her friends convinced her that I wasn't as good as them... or her."
"Ah well. Could have been worse."
Not In Sickness, Just Health
"He treated my like s**t while I was going through cancer treatment."
In Love With Being Chased
"In secondary school, I had a crush on a close friend, we were close as friends but nothing more. I eventually (after probably four years of showing hints, getting her gifts, and asking her out to meals and dates) told her exactly how I felt, and asked her how she felt."
"She knew already, but she wanted me to keep trying. She didn't want to be with me, she enjoyed having someone follow her around and dote on her. She then proceeded to have a relationship with every bloke in a friendship group."
"Not gonna lie, I was broken for a good while, but several relationships later, I haven't spoken to her in several years, but keep up with our old friend groups. According to them, she is desperately lonely after doing this with several other guys and now no one wants anything to do with her..."
"But yeah, being told she knew and that nothing was going to change killed all sorts of feelings in me for a long time."
The One Who Projects
"The lying, cheating, and stealing."
"Plus all the accusations against me cheating and lying. And false allegations when I didn't react to the drama. Physically and emotionally abusive but I'm the male so no one cares."
"That kind of does it. It's sad, to be honest."
So, So True
"Loss of trust does it every time. There can be no love without trust."
Desperate for Love
"Awareness of my own false overhyped perception of her and realized that I have been overlooking her flaws because I was desperate to be with someone."
Disloyal and Unsupportive: A Classic Combination
"He cheated on me and told me it's not his problem so I should solve it alone and come back to him once I let go of things. Left him the next day."
The Lack of Respect
"The put-downs, the insults disguised as jokes, constant derision, threats of cheating, laziness, greed, not caring about what they look like (wanting you to be in tip-top shape all the time, while they gain and get heavier and heavier)."
"They look down on you, treat you like a child or worse. Treated like a servant... or a slave. I could just carry on, but I could just give a few examples of my own experience. But you've read my rant long enough to get what I am saying."
Absolutely No Excuse
"Subtle racist remarks that snowballed into blatant racism. Hopefully they have changed for the better."
Not As a Second Option
"She said no and then came back a few days later saying actually yes, why not."
"Yeah no, you had one chance baby and you blew it."
It's clear why these relationships ended. While it's nice for relationships to work out, a person shouldn't stay with it just for the sake of having a relationship, and these are great examples of why.