Thing is, for every answer given there were ton of women who also struggled with that issue as well as men who totally disagreed. There were very few consistencies to be found - almost as if deciding only men or only women feel a certain way is ridiculous and people are just ... people?
Bonkers.
That said, here are some of the totally relatable responses. Because honestly, nobody is great with hints and doing nothing is one of the greatest activities ever invented.
Nothing
Bored Nothing GIFGiphyIf we say we're doing nothing, "nothing" is not a void to be filled; nothing is the activity and we love it.
Oh God yes. If I am doing nothing much, my wife always seems to want to fill it with tasks, assuming I am bored, when in fact I am more than happy doing whatever apparently pointless activity I have chosen to spend my limited free time on.
Expression
I'm not angry, I just don't have anything to say.
I find more often than not, I do have something to say, I just don't know how to express it... but it's not just because I don't want to talk.
I just don't know how to express it...
- at all
- in a way that won't hurt you, because i don't want to hurt you; I want to communicate with you, so we can change a thing that happens so it stops happening and we can both be happy
- in a way that won't hurt you because I don't want to hurt you, I want to communicate with you, so you know why I'm in a mood, and that the mood is based on like, sh!t from like, years ago, and this guy who wasn't thinking when he did a thing, and now I'm pissed at him, and pissed at myself for caring, and pissed at my dead father for sh!t from 20 years ago, and pissed at my friend, cuz he does something similar, but not the same, but close enough to make my hackles rise.... and...
No Tears
Just because I don't have tears running down my face doesn't mean I'm not as sad as you.
Sometimes I feel like I should be crying but I'll be right on the edge and nothing comes of it. Feels really unsatisfying, like I've cried and you feel better after but it's just the constant need to cry whilst being unable to.
- CCu1e
I relate the most to this one. Recently, I got the cold shoulder from my girlfriend because something really sad happened to her, and it caused a river from her eyes. Seeing her upset, of course, churned my insides into a sorrowful mess. Apparently, my face simply didn't get the message. I wish there was a way to relay the information that I am also upset.
So true. Lost my job yesterday from covid. I loved the job and most of the crew. My girlfriend was crying asking why she's more upset than me. I just don't like crying unless I'm truly as sad as I could be. At that time i was just accepting the reality and thinking of what to do next. I was still extremely sad.
Creep
I don't always want to be the one that initiates sex. It makes me feel like a creep.
- El_CM
It's also nice to feel wanted as a man.
Or just not to feel like a dog humping a chair, like that it's not so one-sided.
I've made it super clear that I don't want her doing sex acts unless she feels like it, as I love feeling like they are genuine. I've found that a haircut, casual touch and conversation, normal amounts of nice cologne, and a clean house gets her much more in the mood to start things than anything else, though.
Try really cleaning everything up and making sure she's having relaxed fun with you. My social skills are crap and I look like a Neanderthal and it almost always works.
lesbian relationships have entered the chat
The issue comes from old school misogyny I've learned as a lesbian. Women have been socialized that if you initiate you're a slut whore, the phrase "won't buy the cow if you get the milk for free" comes to mind, even if you rationally (again as a lesbian this shouldn't apply) know that's not how things work anymore, that sht is so ingrained still. It sucks for everyone, that's why for women who like women is so hard to find partners because now you have everyone that has been socialized to not seek people out involved, so everyone just stays home with their cats.
Best Friends Be Like
best friends bff GIFGiphyWhy I don't know what the fck my best friend is up to in life even after hanging out with him all day.
- El_CM
He isn't dead, he isn't divorced, no new kids, and I'm not invited to anything. There's really nothing more we need to know.
Same experience with coworkers. My wife discusses matters beyond the confines of her job with her coworkers. She then tells me about them. Me? I forgot my coworkers exist the moment I leave in the afternoon. She gets a little miffed sometimes when she asks me what they're like and I have nothing to tell her.
Dropping Hints
Hints don't work. Just tell us what's up.
- Qwerzq-
I once said to a guy "I really like you" and he said thanks.... 10 minutes later he looks over and goes, "WAIT you meant LIKE LIKE?"
Before my ex and I started dating, we were just friends hanging out a lot. She dropped hints all the time, which I never ever got. One day, we were watching tv, laying down in the same bed, cuddling, as all coworkers do. She then turned and started staring deeply into my eyes. Then, she started kissing my nose and forehead, before finally she started kissing me on the lips.
I stopped after getting over the shock I pushed her off and asked "Wait, do you like me??"
She sighed and kept kissing me
I was still unsure.
I feel like a lot of clueless guys say this online because they never figured out what flirting is, why people do it, and why it can be enjoyable.
To simplify, unambiguously telling someone "I would like intercourse" is not seductive or fun, and is such an obvious approach that if the girl gets turned down it is embarrassing. The whole point of flirting is to avoid that potential embarrassment by maintaining plausible deniability. It's a dance between two people, where how you say something is as important as what you say.
This is fun. It's an exciting way to build a connection while slowly increasing the tension. It also let's you show that you are capable of holding a conversation, reading social cues, thinking quickly, and having a sense of humor.
For those reasons I, and a lot of other guys, actually really enjoy this subtle dance and the excitement it brings. And it frustrates me to see my entire gender being typecast as clueless when you're really only describing yourself.
Feelings
When I talk about my feelings I want to be heard, understood and something to change. When we fight about my feelings it only makes me repress those feelings.
This right here. I don't talk about my feelings often, but when I do, it's important. Telling me that my feelings are invalid just makes me hold back longer next time I feel the need to talk.
This is something that I've been struggling with. I was raised to think that real men don't show emotion, and now that I'm in a relationship I need to in order for it to be healthy. But when I finally do, I feel like it's ignored or not as important as what's going on with her. Makes it harder to speak up every time when it feels like you're just yelling into the void rather than having a conversation.
Painful Endings
We're not afraid of marriage. We're afraid of divorce.
- BigMilk0
Similarly, I'm not afraid of getting into relationship, I'm not even afraid of asking someone out and getting rejected, I am afraid of being in the relationship for a long time and getting invested and then getting dumped.
5 years single since my first and last relationship went poorly, and it doesn't look like I'll be ready for another relationship anytime soon in the next few years.
I dated a woman for 2 years. I treated her kids like my own and watched them grow up for those 2 years. I built play houses and bought xmas gifts and read them to sleep.
Then the woman and I broke up.
I don't miss her, but I miss the kids. I don't ever want to go through that again. I'd rather be single.
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