Ever wish you could go back in time and chat with your younger self? What if you had only 30 seconds what would you say?
1. "Listen Arsehole in 10 years you are going to have 30 seconds to say something to yourself, for Goodness sake think of something good to say."
2. Al Qaeda is going to destroy the World Trade Center in New York City on September 11th, 2001 by hijacking planes out of Boston. This ruins everything. Also buy stock in Google and Apple.
3. College is a lot easier at the age of 18 than 25.
4. Nothing. I'd hand him a letter with a list of things I always regretted missing out on or doing. It'd go something like this... Dear past me, I'm you, from the future. I know what you're thinking. We got fat. Truth is, as I got older I didn't change my diet. I still eat like an 8-year-old kid with no regard for consequences. It sucks. I know right now you're wild about [ex-girlfriend]. The sex is great and she's super attractive. But trust me when I tell you this. You're wearing rose colored lenses. Listen to your friends and what they say about her. You made a bad choice. She's going to dump you in a year, and you're going to try to kill yourself. You've got a choice ahead of you: dump her, or ride it out. I'm not going to tell you how to proceed. That ordeal helped me grow up. I'm stronger because of it.
Pay your respects to Grandpa. I know we don't deal with death well. When I said goodbye, I was so in shock by what was going on that I called him Keith instead of Grandpa. Don't do that. Give him a hug, thank him for everything, and tell him you love him. TJ is going to be killed in a helicopter crash very soon, within a few months. Prepare yourself. He dies... (Continued)
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Prepare yourself. He dies doing what he does best. He takes over a Blackhawk night training exercise to let a buddy go home early for Christmas. The helicopter altimeter messes up, they can't see where they're at, and they crash into a forest. This is the worst thing you'll ever feel. Get ahold of him, tell him how much he means to you. Please. Then be there for Mom and Dad. They're going to need you.
Tell Jenn how you feel. Truly. It's been a decade and I still get butterflies when I think about her. I don't know how she will react, but you need to put those feelings onto the table. At the very least, you'll have some closure. That's something I never got. I know you think Dad's a dick right now, but he gets better. We're actually pretty good friends now. Just try to see things from his perspective. Mom gets cancer again. Be there for her. I don't know how this works out. It's ongoing in my time. One last piece of advice: Get your head out of your arse. You may be the "hot drummer guy" in high school, but after you graduate you won't be anybody. Pay attention in school, learn all you can, and apply to colleges. Take care of yourself. I'm counting on you. ~ Future me.
Then I'd punch him right in the stomach as hard as I could, because I was such a cocky little prick when I was younger.
5. Dont do drugs and stay friends with the one legged guy, he'll help you.
I'll explain... when I was 18 I got kicked out of my parents house and I took what money I had and moved to the big city where I knew no one.
I was trying to figure out what I was supposed to do, to find a place to stay, and rebuild a life, and I spent a bit of time in this one bar (fake ID) where I met this guy.
...during me typing this I realized I think he must've had both legs at the time. Pardon me I'll correct that one legged comment to *the bald future pirate.
Anyway....
Real friendly guy, bought me drinks and talked to me for a while, we hung out a bit after that but then I screwed myself over and got hooked on heroin, went down that road for a few years until I OD'd and decided to get my life together for real.
I didnt know anyone who wasn't a junkie, had no idea where to look, and through an actual miracle I found my pirate friends number in my jacket, dunno how, dunno why, the universe just wanted to help me out I guess.
I called him, he gave me a place to stay while I detoxed and helped me get back on my feet, he and his gf are actual angels and he deserves everything good in the entire world because he is selfless and without him I would not be here.
Also he lost his leg in a car accident and his gf was his nurse, it's the damn cutest thing in the world.
[deleted]
6. "Codeword" (Yes I have a codeword for time travel shenanigans)
Lose weight now, before it gets way harder.
Dad has a midlife crisis after Grandma's death and is (Continued)
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and is cheating on Mom, divorce 2014
You get Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma Cancer July 2015.
I would probably shout this in rapid succession.
Slaycub
7. "Break up with her in person you nitwit!"
8. I'd spend 30 seconds high fiving myself.
9. I would ask them to tell me what to avoid, as I am under the age of 18.
10. I tell myself these words. "[Passphrase], 2017, Bitcoin 800, Packers, Giants, Ravens, Seahawks, Patriots, Lakers, Mavericks, Heat, Heat, Spurs, Spain, Germany" I would then place some serious bets at the beginning of the seasons and win all the money.
11. Would 18 year old me see current me during those 30 seconds?
If so, I probably wouldn't actually need to say anything; the sight of my patheticism alone would be enough to kick my rear into gear when it comes to future choices.
CustomSparkles
12. Don't be afraid of girls. Most of them are (Continued)
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Most of them are equally nervous to talk to guys as you are to them. If you make the first move, no matter how small, then they don't have to.
And for anyone, that's usually a good thing.
13. You WILL find him. He is SMOKIN hot, great in bed, and a certified bad ass with a heart of gold. Totally worth the wait. It will be a long wait though, so relax and try to have fun until your sister's wedding.
14. Stop smoking weed and focus on bettering yourself. Believe it or not, smoking weed and bettering yourself at the same time are near impossible.
15. Protect yourself, not other people. Don't date L or A or V or J. Focus on money, not people. Drink, it's fun, you don't really need those brain cells for adulthood and people like you for drinking.
My 18 year old self wouldn't listen. Shrug.
super_sayanything
16. Choose a different major. An English degree is going to make you really stressed out and broke when you're 23. But congrats on being the first to go to college or whatever.
17. Don't go to college just because (Continued)
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just because you feel you're 'supposed to'.
18. Put on a condom!
19. "Talk to mom and dad a lot more. Drop Engineering and go into something you're interested in like film or comp sci. Start sleeping on a regular schedule. Also there's going to be this girl when you get into college, whatever you do don't -" poof
asymmetryrtemmysb
20. You are going to fall in love many times! It's OK to be alone for awhile.
21. Buy lots of Apple and Google stock. With proceeds go the vegas and bet on Donald trump to be president in 2016, yes the orange orangutan reality show guy. You'll be able to buy that island in the South Pacific that you've had your eye on.
22. You're actually only 2/3rds gay at best. Sexuality is more fluid than you think.
23. Next year when you visit your father, make an appointment with the local research hospital to be a test subject in an MRI machine. Charm your father with a description of how the physics works on those things and get him to be a test subject too.
Just trust me: be upbeat and make it happen.
[Years later a professor at a medical school looked over Dad's records and (Continued)
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[Years later a professor at a medical school looked over Dad's records and estimated that Dad's brain tumor may have been growing as a low grade tumor for a decade. Dad's behavior started to change when I was nineteen. It was a long time before he got diagnosed, though--too late to save his life. This would be the best chance of getting him into treatment early].
24. Your kids are going to be three awesome little dudes. Don't do anything to screw that up, they belong on this planet! Also, do your pelvic floor! Laughing and weeing is not fun.
25. Do not marry him!
26. Feed and nurture relationships with family and friends that make you happy, aren't judgemental and love you for you. Be that supportive and non-judgemental human to those around you. And stop drinking half full beers you find left behind at bars. It's gross.
27. Learn about avoiding debt and staying financially free. Student debt is one thing, but credit cards are only a path to financial slavery if you make bad decisions.
28. "It gets better. It gets real bad, too. But mostly better."
29. Go into plumbing right out of school.
30. This fear you have, that sometimes keep you from doing things, this isn't normal, and most importantly, you can do something about it. Go to a therapist now because if you don't it will become worse and worse to the point it will take over your whole life.
The list is long for me. It all starts with the guy who shot Bambi's mom. Lord, to this day that is still traumatizing. But she had to go to give Bambi a story. And Michael Douglas's character in "Fatal Attraction," what a putz. He got what he deserved. But how else would we be able to sympathize with Glenn Close? Even though... well y'all get it.
Family Fail
Home Alone Christmas GIF by FreeformGiphy"Kevin McCallister's uncle… "look what you did you little JERK!"
- IcyVirto
"Watching Home Alone as an adult is so much harder because basically every adult in Kevin's life fails him."
HIM!
"Percy from the green mile, that freak can DIE IN THE MENTAL WARD!!"
"That was what was so good, there is a Percy in every large group and more that one in any team where failure isn't punished, like a government job working at a prison. He was a great comment on humanity."
Love Sharon Though
"Ginger from Casino."
"Major kudos to Sharon Stone, her performance made me utterly loathe that character. She was a manipulative junkie who tied her young daughter to a bed so she could go out to score. I wanted to reach through the screen and choke her."
"Loathe the character, but that performance is absolutely god-tier. Helluva an acting job. Her and Pesci just freaking nail it to the stratosphere, playing thoroughly unlikeable characters in the absolute most realistic way. Ginger is the holistic ideal of the gold-digging party girl. And Pesci is that moron Dunning-Kruger guy we all know."
Wimps...
"Manny from Diary of a Wimpy kid I think there's a while subreddit about that little monster."
"Honestly Greg is also pretty bad. He breaks his best friend's arm and is not only not sorry about it but also thinks he's the victim."
- ManMan36
Call a Doctor!
Giphy"Nurse Ratched in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. My favorite antagonist ever. Louise Fletcher was perfectly cast for the role, too."
Ohhhh... good choices thus far. Although, I found Sarah Paulson's Ratched more detestable. You know who else is a mess? Elmira Gulch. Love the Wicked Witch. Hate Elmira! Go figure...
True Evil
the sopranos hbo GIFGiphy"Livia Soprano made my blood pressure rise every time she was on screen. Great acting. Mission accomplished."
That Voice!
"Micah bell."
"I will say, I've seen Comic-Con panels with him and his smarta** sense of humor fit Micah perfectly. He may have hated the character, but boy oh boy was he a fantastic casting choice. As were all the main cast, for that matter."
"Currently replaying, and I so wish I could leave him to hang in Strawberry. Gotta give it to him though, he is a tremendous villain."
All the Drama
"When I tell you I stood up and cheered when I originally saw Heather from Total Drama Island finally get booted out of the competition. 'Twas a good day."
"Season 1 I HATED her and loved when she lost her hair. But then it was more of a love-hate relationship with her. She's a fun character. Owen, now that monster I hate. Loved him season 1, but then he just got reduced to fat guy who farts and contributes nothing."
Hit Him!
"Craig from Malcolm in the Middle. He's a selfish, annoying coward. Like the episode where he's injured and he makes Lois drive all over town to different restaurants for him. I love when the helper monkey turns on him, that's what he gets for treating it like crap. I especially hate the episode where Hal asks Craig to help him buy a comic book for Malcolm."
"And Craig also makes Hal drive him all over town for different meals and treats and gifts, then when Hal dares to ask when they're actually going to the comic book store Craig flips out and demands to be let out of the car and says he won't help Hal anymore. Like come the hell on, I just want to slap him."
harry potter book GIF"Do you need a cough drop, Dolores?!"
"I loved Umbridge for the simple fact that she brought out McGonagall's savagery like no one else, and it was glorious."
"Voldemort is just another generic, pointlessly evil type of character that only seems to exist in fiction. Umbridge is the type of tight @ssed bureaucrat that mimics the actual villain in many average people's real lives."
This thread could be endless. So many villains and loathesome characters so little time. But Lord the drama is good!
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