The Onion works hard to put top notch parody news into the universe for our reading pleasure. But sometimes, the universe provides a little something on its own. Enjoy these weird but true news headlines from around the world this week.
1. Donald Trump officially names Obamacare replacement 'World's Greatest Healthcare Plan of 2017 (Independent)
Could we expect anything less from ol' Donald? Quite frankly, I think comedians are getting a little sick of the drying well of Trump jokes to make. It's always the same old thing with him.
According to the article, "The Worlds Greatest Healthcare Plan of 2017" - yes, that is its official title - "has been introduced by Texas Representative Pete Sessions and begins its long slug through the House and Senate before hitting the Presidents desk."
Despite major criticisms like the fact that this plan could leave millions of people without insurance everyone is going to have to refer to it as "The World's Greatest Healthcare Plan of 2017" every time they mention it. But, let's look on the bright side they say laughter is the best medicine, so talk about how ridiculous the name is enough times and maybe you won't even need to worry about health insurance. That's how it works, right?!
2. Nintendo Switch cartridges 'taste so bad' (BBC)
So you've got a night alone for gaming. You get your snacks out. You get your game on. You do your mandatory pre-game controller lick. BLEGH!
WHAT THE CRYING SEA KELP?!!
Gamers around the world stared to notice their new Nintendo Switch cartridges tasted awful, but it wasn't coincidence. The foul taste comes from a "bittering agent" intended to prevent them from being accidentally swallowed. You can read more details here, but here are some quotes from the article by gamers who tasted the controller:
"The strange thing about it was it lasted a very long time - for an hour or so afterwards I could still taste it."
Jeff Gerstmann
"Oh, it's so... God... it's so awful."
Guy who did a Youtube taste review
"I had to stop and grab something to eat or drink to get this flavour out of my mouth."
Again, Jeff Gerstmann (he has a lot of feels about this)
3. Man found not guilty of stealing cheese, but he left his trial before the verdict and got prison time (The Virginian Pilot)
You can rest easy tonight, knowing that the court systems are really focusing their energies on the important things in life. Not only was this case about a man named Cochran being WRONGLY ACCUSED AND BROUGHT TO COURT over stealing $33 worth of sharp cheddar, but Cochran actually went to jail because he left the trail (for which was NOT GUILTY) early. If we had to spend our day arguing that we didn't steal a brick of pressed milk curds, I'm pretty sure we'd all be saying, "That's it, I'm out." Read the whole story here.
Read more on the next page!
4. YouTube cuts popular live stream of giraffe about to give birth for nudity and sexual content (Fox31)
This article title was actually changed to "YouTube restores live stream of giraffe giving birth at New York adventure park" after it went out, but the question isn't about the specifics of the title. It's about the fact that Youtube pulled a nature video of a giraffe giving birth because apparently it was too nude and too sexual for the public. You know, because there are so many people that are going to be up in arms about a giraffe vagina.
5. Betsy DeVos labels Black Colleges 'pioneers of choice' despite being set up for African-Americans with no options (Independent)
Okay, the wording of this headline is somewhat garbled, so let me break it down for you (I really wish it was parody, I really do). After meeting with university leaders at the White House with President Donald Trump on Monday, Betsy DeVos, US Education Secretary, released a statement illustrating her administrations proposals to help develop underserved communities.
In it, she said Historically Black Colleges and Universities (HBCUs) were real pioneers when it comes to school choice."
They are living proof that when more options are provided to students, they are afforded greater access and greater quality," she added. Their success has shown that more options help students flourish."
Uhhhh, Betsy? Black Colleges and Universities in the US were established because Black citizens in the US DIDN'T HAVE THE CHOICE TO ATTEND UNIVERSITY OTHERWISE. They literally weren't allowed to apply to "regular" college. Black Colleges aren't there to "offer something new" to a population of people who wouldn't otherwise want to go to university / college. They're there because, in the aftermath of the Civil War, Black people wanted to go to Univeristy / college and were told "Hey, you can't come here, white people only" So they were like "F-ck this I'm gonna start my own school because I want an education."
6. Workmen's cafe overwhelmed with customers after it is accidentally awarded a Michelin star (Telegraph)
Picture this: a tiny cafe that mostly caters to crews of local tradesmen in central France was flooded with phone calls from gourmet diners. Diners, reporters, and TV crews swarmed to the cafe to find.... red and white polka dot plastic tablecloths and homemade lasagna. Great! But probably not what people expected, considering the restaurant had recently been awarded a Michelin star. As it turns out, the prestigious label was an error it was supposed to go to a restaurant with the same name that just so happened to also have a similar address. Woops! Read more about it, here.
Continue reading on the next page.
7. Passenger causes plane to divert after he's charged $12 for a blanket (CNN)
Yep, this is real, folks. A 66-year-old passenger on the Hawaiian Airlines threatened the worker after he was charged $12 for a blanket. Apparently the plane was chilly and the man wasn't ready to shell out a dozen dollars for comfort. Check out the article here.
8. 67-year-old man dies from heart attack after catching prized Pokemon 'Lapras' at MBS (AsiaOne)
Pokemon Go fans will know that the Lapras is an extremely big catch. It's a rare monster in the Pokeworld, so if you see it near an entrance to Bayfront MRT Station, you drop everything and go. Which is exactly what 67-year-old man did. Also, I'm gonna take a moment to note how cool this guy must have been that he was spending his time as a retired senior catching Pokemon. Anyway, back to the story in some sort of cruel twist of fate, moments after his big win, he suffered a fatal heart attack. You can read this bittersweet story here.
9. Martial arts academy posts how-to video for defending against Trump handshake (The Hill)
We all need to use our knowledge and power to help those around us. That is why a mixed martial arts online magazine has posted a tutorial from a jiu-jitsu academy informing the public on how to defend against President Trumps handshakes. If you don't know what the "Trumpshake" is (yes, I just coined that term), it's this weird power play in which Trump literally grabs the other person's hand, yanks the person towards him, and shakes in back and forth in a horizontal motion similar to using a handsaw. Then, if he really wants to that extra je ne sais quoi, Donald taps continues holding the other person's hand and taps it gently, as if to say, "Good booooooy."
This Defence Against the Dark Arts tutorial (yeah I made that name up, but it's pretty close) is very important and should be mandatory in curriculums across North America (maybe even the world). You can watch it here.
Continue reading on the next page!
10. Man marks his ex-girlfriend's apology letter and sends it back to her (BBC)
Breakups can be hard. Especially when your ex writes you a backhanded apology letter to "make you feel stupid". According to Nick Lutz, that's exactly what happened to him. So how did he decide to deal with it? He graded it.
According to the BBC, "he starts off by saying the introduction is too long and that there's lots of repetition."
And then it goes on from there.
I'm not sure who to side with on this one, but one thing I would like to note is that this made news on the BBC. The BBC, people. The British Broadcasting Corporation is invested enough in this couple's petty break up that they needed to dissect it in an article. Apparently it was a slow news day...
11. Mexican town pays tribute to firework blast victims with pyrotechnic display (The Guardian)
When victims of a shark attack have a funeral, you host it at an aquarium. When a family dies in a tragic car accident, the whole town commemorates their lives with a humble drag race 'round the parking lot. Obviously, that's the rule, right? You're supposed to like, match the thing that killed the people with the way that you pay tribute to them?
Well that's exactly the logic that applied when a tragic accident at the pyrotechnics market on the Northern outskirts of Mexico City killed dozens, injured many more, and obliterated the market. In order to pay tribute to the victims, the town dedicated their National Pyrotechnics Fair and culminating display of "musical pyrotechnics" to the 42 victims of the disaster.
Someone should really tell Alanis Morissette about this, in case she ever wants to remake Ironic. Read the rest of the story here.
12. College student opened care package from mom, it was the trash he forgot to take out (ABC News)
This. Is. Brilliant.
That is all.
You can read the details here, but the headline really says it all.
Continue reading on the next page!
13. Parkour mishap leaves tall, thin man stuck in downtown Denver chimney (The Denver Post)
We've all been there. One moment we're clambering around on the fourth floor rooftop of an old building, the next moment we're a skinny man from Denver whose fallen 35 feet down the old incinerator chimney. I know what you're all thinking: story of my life. Getting stuck in a big ol' chimney is practically a right of passage.
Hinkel, the man in question, was rescued after several hours. He's now being held in jail because, you know, maybe he was trying to rob the building. Doors and windows are so last year.
You can read more about this man who is "6 feet 5 inches tall and weighs 170 pounds" (yes, that's an actual quote from the article. Is it just me or do they seem eerily obsessed with nailing home that this man is both tall and thin?) here.
14. Police called to North Yorkshire school after toilet breaks 'limited to two a day' (Independent)
On some sort of weird power trip, Pupils at a North Yorkshire school were recently told by their teacher that they could only use the toilet between 11.05-11.25am and 12.25-12.45pm. Because, you know, kids can totally control their tiny bladders well enough to use the toilet in limited time windows. According to the article, "officers were forced to be called in after up to 40 students took to the playing fields on Friday morning protesting the controversial new rule at Bedale High School." Yay for little protestors! But seriously... I can't believe this happened. Read the whole story here.
15. Fight on UK train after people kept placing bagels on travellers' heads (The Guardian)
Brexit. Racism. Poverty. There are a lot of things to be concerned about today. Now, we add bagels to the list.
Police were called to break up a fight on a train as rowdy passengers repeatedly placed bagels on other travellers heads.
According to the article, and also the police and a video posted online, the group of bagel delinquents placed bagels on people's heads, and even broke into an original song entitled, "Hes got bagel on his head" at one point.
The police were quick to report to the scene. And they paid attention to the real victims in this tragedy: the bagels.
British Transport police tweeted: Lets be clear, no bagel should be treated so cruelly. And no one subjected to intimidating behaviour. Ever need us text 61016.
You can read more about the bagel shenanigans here.
Continue reading on the next page!
16. Barcelona to feed pigeons contraceptives in bid to slash numbers (El Pais)
Barcelona installed about 40 black metal cylinders in centrally located parks that contain bird seed spiked with contraceptives. Apparently their attempts to curb their 85,000 strong pigeon population, including capturing and just straight up killing the birds, have proved worthless, and quite frankly, inhumane.
According to the article, "City hall hopes to reduce the population by around 20% in the first year of the contraceptive scheme, with overall numbers falling by 80% in four to five years."
The cost of the project? 250,000 a year.
The big win? Not having to clean up pigeon poop.
17. Chilly chickens wear sweaters, egg production skyrockets (CBS News)
Chickens work hard to supply us with our eggs. How the hell are they supposed to do their job properly if they're freezing their little tail feathers off? According to the article, "Certain breeds shed their feathers and grow new plumage in the winter months. Others imported from tropical climates just arent suited for the wintry conditions."
Thank goodness for the knitting club at Fuller Village, a retirement home in Milton, Massachusetts, who heard about the hardships that some chickens experience, and came to the rescue.
Cue: Knitted chicken sweaters.
Not only did the chickens look cute, cozy, and fly, but they were comfortable enough to start doing their job properly. According to Estate spokeswoman, Erica Max, there has been a noticeable jump in egg production since the chickens started sporting their new garb.
18. Kellyanne Conway suggests Barack Obama was spying on Donald Trump through a microwave (Independent)
We all know that after an extremely stressful 8-year tenure as U.S President, Barack Obama's first item on his agenda as a retired man is to keep tabs on what his successor is up to. Not a vacation or hanging with his family or taking a breather nooooo those things would be way too "normal human" for Barack.
According to Donald Trump's Senior Aide, Kelly Conway, they've got a hunch that Obama "could have monitored the President through a microwave." But not the old fashioned wire-tapping way. Oh no. That would be far too "normal human" for Barack.
According to the article, Conway claimed that "surveillance could be conducted with "microwaves that turn into cameras," and added: We know this is a fact of modern life.""
So all y'all that didn't quite catch that common sense tidbit, microwaves that turn into cameras are now a thing and Obama may totally be using them to spy on Trump instead of, I dunno, catching up on the loooooong list of other life experiences that he couldn't have while he was president.
Thanks for reading!
External image source: pathdoc / Shutterstock.com
"What makes you instantly question someone's intelligence?"
One Shouldn't Always Be So Confident...
"Being confidently ignorant."- Tattooed-Tango
amanda tanen catwalk GIF by HULUGiphyLearning Is An Eternal Gift
"An unwillingness to learn new things."- Electrical-Bid-9577
Don't Be Fooled...
"Interest in a pyramid scheme."- GameCox
"When people are really into a MLM scheme."
"I’m not taking about 'I’m a bored house wife so I decided to start selling makeup, leggings, whatever it may be, because I’m bored and this gives me something to do'.”
"I’m talking about the people who consider it their career and are huge into the Boss Babe lifestyle."- Milehighcarson
Talking Season 3 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphySpreading Garbage
"When they post one of those things on Facebook saying 'only a few will share!' or when they comment on one of those clickbait 'God has a blessing for you today say amen!' posts."- se7ensquared·
Do You Even Know What I'm Saying?
"Arguing without listening."- dezx156
angry daffy duck GIF by Looney TunesAnd Now For Something Completely Different
"When you prove your point in a discussion and the other person explains that it doesn’t even matter because their REAL point is something that’s an off-shoot of that subject in a 'gotcha!' manner."- No-Mud-5854
Loud Is Almost Never Right
"People who can only argue by raising their voice."- malkumecks
driving eric cartman GIF by South Park They Have No Idea What They're Missing
"Active hostility to books (as opposed to simply not reading them)."- Manganela
"Being proud of never having read a book."- peppermintcreams
Nice Try
"When they repeat a certain statement word for word I get the impression that they memorized something to sound more intelligent than they are."- Armedes369
Talking Nigel Thornberry GIFGiphyHow Much Proof Do They Need?
"They aren't open to changing their beliefs when given new information."- Pretengineer_825
What Are They Trying To Prove?
"Oddly enough, when they try and tell me their IQ."- manwithoutcountry
It is often the people who try to prove how smart they are who end up doing just the opposite.
A truly intelligent person would know better than to do that.
Redditor broadway96 was eager to hear the juiciest information people learned about their former workplaces which they weren't supposed to know, leading them to ask:
"What's a company secret you can share now that you don't work there?"
Off The Books, But With Good Intentions
"This isn't a company secret, but:"
"I worked part-time at a Domino's franchise in college."
"The owner was, at first glance, a short-tempered, critical penny-pincher who did everything he could to save a business money, right down to watching over your shoulder to make sure you didn't put too much cheese on a pizza."
"Cheese is called 'white gold' in the pizza industry, even back in 2002."
"But after working for him for a while, you realized why he was so specific about the margins."
"Twice yearly, he would send out generous bonuses (in the form of money orders made out to his employees from his own personal savings account) to the college students working for him."
"the checks/money orders contained the memo line 'keep learning!'"
"The amount of the money orders would be directly correlated to the profit margins of the stores he owned. The dude did legit profit sharing."
"After I graduated, I heard a rumor that he was trying to start up a small education grant trust that would benefit applicants of the Farmer School of Business at Miami University, but I don't think anything ever came of it."
"This owner also played favorites when hiring."
"Every single one of his managers was a former employee."
"Three of the four managers at his stores when I worked there had graduated from my college with business degrees."
"All four of them had a small portion of their education paid for by Marvin Covington."
"Marvin Covington, Oxford, Ohio Dominoes owner from Vevay, Indiana, died in 2017."
"That dude knew how to do business, and do it right."- sunward_Lily
Season 1 Netflix GIFGiphyIt's all in the branding
"I worked at L’Oréal."
"The cosmetics from L’Oréal and Lancôme are practically the same."
"But Lancôme costs like $20 more."- BayBel
A Literal Comic Book Villain
"I worked at a comic book store that offered a service where you paid a small premium to have sent in rare comics to have them graded at CGC."
"A few months later we had many customers coming in to check the status of their comics."
"We contacted the owner to see what was going on, and he would always claim that there was some distribution problem."
"Fast forward a few months, we found out he was taking customers graded copies and selling them online while trying to return back issue versions of their original comics."- ZealousidealWay1139
The American Healthcare System Everyone...
"Health insurance dude."
"When you file a claim, it is often denied because they're counting on you not escalating it."
"Once you do, your case goes to a 'medical management group' which ought to be called the 'we don't wanna pay' group."
"Keep escalating and involve your doctor."
"Fight for the insurance you paid for."- theUttermostSnark
Pop Culture Politics GIF by PBS Digital StudiosGiphyWow.
"The vehicle modification shop at Chillicothe Correctional Institution in Chillicothe, Ohio dumps waste coolant from the machine shop into a storm drain that empties directly into the Scioto River, because the chemical disposal tank is a 55 gallon drum in the paint shop, and that's much too small.
"They can't throw me into solitary confinement for complaining anymore."
"This happens about once a year, when the machine's coolant reservoirs are emptied and the coolant replaced."
"It's not on a schedule, it's one of those things that you do when work is slow."
"Each machine holds 15-20 gallons, and usually you just add more as it evaporates, but eventually it gets nasty and needs replaced."
"It's supposed to go in a waste tote to be disposed of safely, which is what every non - government machine shop does."
"Being able to prove this is being done would require knowing when they're going to do this, and that's a decision that's often made spur of the moment - hey, work is slow, let's have a clean up day."
"There aren't any phones in the machine shop, either."
"A container to store the waste properly costs $200."
"Why waste taxpayer money when we can just poison the taxpayers instead?"- Pariahdog119
Neat Freak! But It Paid Off...
"I don't think it's a bad secret at all."
"But back in college, I delivered pizzas for Papa John's."
"The store manager must have had an undiagnosed case of OCD or germaphobia or something."
"Because every night, he would assign someone to do the cleaning duties (mopping floors, double checking expiration dates/throwing away expired stuff, etc.)."
"And every night, he would absolutely lose his temper and berate whoever was doing the cleaning."
"They were going too fast, they weren't cleaning everything, whatever."
"After that, he'd always take over the cleaning himself."
"He was amazingly picky about the cleanliness and food quality."
"'Expiration date is three days from now? F*ck that, I'll order more'."
"Throw that sh*t away, we're not serving it'."
"He would also go out of pocket to buy special cleaning products 'because that worthless bullsh*t that corporate wants us to use doesn't get the job done'."
"He also went out of pocket to hire some kind of specialist to clean out the fountain drink dispenser, ice machine and all that stuff."
"'The machine needs to always be as close to brand new as possible!'"
"One stand out moment for me was when he reduced a cashier to tears by hollering 'Would you eat off this floor? No? THEN IT'S NOT CLEAN ENOUGH!'"
"He wasn't telling her to eat off the floor."
"He was just making a point."
"After we'd closed the store, he'd kick all of us out, lock up behind us and stay until something like 2am cleaning the place."
"You always knew when he closed because you could smell the chemical scent still lingering in the air."
"The end result of this was the store, the food, the equipment and the facilities were always in squeaky clean condition."
"Customers (somehow) picked up on what a perfectionist the store manager was and bought from us all the time."
"Because there's a lot of peace of mind that goes in with knowing your food was cooked by someone willing to throw ingredients away BEFORE the expiration date, stay in the store until God knows when cleaning everything, etc."
"The true irony was how much the boss hated himself because he didn't think he was doing a good enough job to run a clean restaurant with fresh ingredients."
"It didn't matter how many compliments he got from customers or how many service industry veterans said they'd never worked in a place as obsessive about freshness and cleanliness as his Papa John's store, he was convinced his store was still a filthy barn."
"Eventually, he got promoted to some kind of higher level corporate position (district manager?) that required him to visit other stores and make sure they were all up to spec."
"The end result of that was a LOT of stores in this area all improved seemingly overnight."- EponymousTitular
Season 10 GIF by FriendsGiphyEasy Way To Get Attention
"If you pick up a wall phone at Home Depot and push '7' it activates the store wide intercom."
"This works in every store in my province afaik."- _Zoko_
Be Careful What You Say...
"If you were on Live Chat with Customer Care, I could see what you were typing before pressing send."
"I watched people work through grotesque, racist, sexist statements, fraudulent lies and mistruths, meticulous grammar fixes, and their whole range of emotions in real-time before deleting and typing 'ok'.”- BariatricPressure
2 Secrets For The Price Of One
"Ford parts from Mexico are way more reliable than Ford parts from Detroit, or at least they were before 2020."
"I worked in Detroit and we had some customers who were fussy about us always doing repairs with Michigan parts, but when we had a problem that wouldn't stay fixed we would always secretly switch to the Mexican parts, which did solve things."
"I was a prison guard a decade ago and we installed some facial tracking software in the surveillance cameras."
"One of the inmates panicked while cleaning the unused solitary confinement cells--which is usually a desirable job, it's easy as f*ck and nobody pays attention to you, and he insisted that he be moved out of that job because there was a ghost."
"The ranking officers decided to check the new cameras, and the security software claimed it saw a face behind the inmate at the same time as he was visibly startled in the camera footage."
"We're all aware there are mundane reasons why a new facial recognition system would think it saw a ghost, but since the inmate and the security software both thought there was a ghost it was decided that the inmate should be immediately transferred at no penalty."- NoAnTeGaWa
season 9 GIFGiphyIf some walls could talk!
Then again, any jilted employee will likely do all the talking for them...
Redditor SheemieRayVaughan wanted to know how we could have some fun with a major windfall, so they asked:
"How would your life be changed by winning $20,000?"
Please someone send me $20,000!
I'll even take $10!!
Living
Kisses GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy"Replenish my emergency fund that was depleted from my cancer bills this past year. My out of pocket max + deductible was 5k and now just paid 1k to get a prosthetic (had salivary gland cancer which left a hole in my soft palate). Hopefully part of that will be reimbursed from either dental or medical insurance."
stepheli88
Juicy
"As I'm homeless ATM it would mean a whole f#*king lot! I'd buy some fruit first tho! The biggest pineapple I could find! 😂."
"Umm about £2 so like $3, ah you've very kind thank you! But it's ok I don't even have a knife or anything to get into one and I've no Venmo or PayPal or anything like that. Really do appreciate the very kind offer all the same! ❤️🙏."
Marchogdu
"If you find a way to receive it I will also Venmo you pineapple money. I’ve not been homeless but I’ve been 'no money for fruit and veg or literally anything to bring light to my life' poor. $20k would still be life changing but I have enough pineapple money to share now."
TheLastEggplant
Finally!
"I'd literally be out of debt for the first time in my entire adult life 😅."
SnooTangerines5325
"Same 40 this year and I've just given up on the idea of owning property. Settled for a council house in the sticks in Scotland. Gonna make this house our home, try to clear the debts and just try be comfortable is the aim."
"Actually doing it on the other hand is near impossible when my outgoings of just rent, food and power take my entire wage. At the moment bankruptcy is looking like my only way of actually ever achieving being comfortable let alone buying property."
Nelly32
Same Ole'
"It wouldn't change."
mythoughtsfortheday
"I’m in the same boat that it wouldn’t change much. 1/10 of my student loans would be kinda nice I guess, but when I’m drowning, I prefer they just drain the whole pool instead of 10%."
Schleeeeeem
"Same. It would just get rolled into a current or future investment."
SevenTheTerrible
"I'm with you. Would split it up between Roth and savings. Excitement would last just a moment. I know that sounds spoiled but the question was asked. I answered."
Va0utdoor
Timeless
Episode 9 Hug GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy"$20k would cover rent, bills & food so I could take time to spend with my dying parents."
-qqqwwweeerrrtttyyy-
Time is precious.
HELP
Cartoon Network GIF by CNLAGiphy"I'd be able to get the medical treatment and dental work I've been avoiding. I'd probably be a lot happier being able to chew more things."
asianinindia
Bad Ideas
"I would lose my disability and be more f**ked than helped, honestly."
"If I spent it incredibly under the table, then yeah. But if I did anything noticeable with it, it's still a risk. I borrowed money from a friend once to buy a cheap a** van (to live in, yay, leeching off the government is so profitable /s) and they drilled me about where I got the money to buy it."
"To get them off my back, I even drew up a contract stating that I was never in possession of the money and was on a payment plan to pay it back. It can be hell to get disability, but they'll rip it away in two seconds."
odd_ender
A little here and there...
"I have $54k left on my mortgage. No other debt. Don't need a car. So almost no change."
SteelTumbler
"Same pretty much. I don't 'need' anything and the one thing you could argue I could use, you can't buy that for $20k. So literally would not change my life at all. Maybe someone else would be a better recipient."
descendency
"I mean, it wouldn’t change my life, but I could park it somewhere for my son later on."
not_a_droid
It Works
"My mom died and had an insurance policy that paid out about this amount. It allowed me to buy my first ever new car. Everything works in it! Especially thrilled to have heat and defrost. Reliable transportation really does make life easier."
Cate_in_Mo
The Everyday
Bugs Bunny Money GIF by Looney TunesGiphy"It would help immensely, I'm living paycheck to paycheck with $12 in savings. I get by, but the fear of an unforseen expense is crippling at times."
xanarchy69
Debt be Gone!
"Pay off some consumer debt and the rest of my car loan. It would basically just push the timeline for my wife getting a new car up by a year, granted that would mean that the debt we paid off would be replaced by a new car payment. Aside from her no longer driving something questionably reliable (we've had major issues), nothing would change."
duffman13jws
Money isn't everything... but it certainly helps!
What would you do with the money? Let us know in the comments.
