roc_and_rollHuman beings contain an unbelievable capacity to oppose their own well-being in pursuit of a preserved ego.

This holds true even when discussing the best approach to personal health with the person most qualified to help. People are crazy.


But the self-defeating ruse is a short-lived one. Despite the most outlandish, roundabout attempts to avoid honesty and outwit the doctor, EVERYONE is unsuccessful. It's as if half the job of doctors' work is seeing through these bold faced lies.

Plenty of Redditors are indeed those very doctors, and they give a behind-the-scenes look from their perspective, watching a patient with obvious-and proven-health issues squirm as they downplay those exact issues.

TheGrimReefah asked, "Doctors of reddit, what's the most obvious lie a patient or relative has ever told?"

Hate When That Happens

Patient brought to the ER - was allegedly naked in his bedroom making a salad, when he accidentally sat on an upright cucumber. parrotman41

The condoms keep the veggies fresh. cohrt

Giphy

"Nice Try, Twerp"

I am not a doctor, but i once heard a little boy tell a nurse that he was bitten by a brontosaurus.

He was obviously lying, because brontosauruses were herbivores.

max

The Current and Obvious Facts Say Otherwise

There is no chance of pregnancy because I've never had sex before (patient is pregnant).

I don't use drugs ever (drug screen is positive for marijuana and/or other substances).

DrFiveLittleMonkeys

"Well, Inside the Hospital Snacks Don't Count."

"I've been sticking to my diet and exercising but my blood sugars are staying high all the time."

Says the diabetic patient who I just saw buy a damn snickers from the vending machine in the waiting room.

yeahnahmaybe26

Giphy

The Jig's Up

"Do you use cotton buds to clean your ears?"

"No, never, absolutely not, never have, you shouldn't put anything smaller than your elbow in your ear!"

"..... Because there is definitely the end of a cotton bud stuck in your ear.."

"Oh yeah, maybe just this one time.."

Scullllaaaay

Waiving the "Recreational Drug Abuse" Flag

(Trying to weasel a prescription for ADHD medication)

"I have fat-ih-gue."

Fatigue, she was trying to lie about her fatigue.

wdproffitt

"Just Making Sure"

Doc: Do you smoke? Patient: No

D: Do you drink alcohol? P: No

D: Are you lying? P: No

amrie_6

Those Long-Con Tests Will ALWAYS Get Ya

Only a medical student, but we had a patient with tremendous degeneration of the liver, and his blood analysis told us he had been drinking heavily at least the last 6 months, despite being instructed it could definitely destroy what he had left of liver.

Most people still don't know we can check daily alcohol consume in such a long term.

Dologolopolov

"They're Fries, What Was I Supposed to Do?"

"Oh I gave up salt last year for my blood pressure" while literally reaching for her second White Castle slider during our conversation. The cheese fries were gone by then.

squirrleyhooker

At Least Doc Was Cool About It

My parents run a construction store so they have a few other people that are hired to help them.

One day this lady decide she is too lazy to work so she "fainted". People start panicking and bring her to the doctor.

When the doctor tried to open her eyes to see the pupil, she basically rolled her eyes so the doctor couldn't see the pupil. The doctor then kinda poked her telling her to wake up.

1357908642468097531e

Giphy

As Obvious as it is Problematic

“Every time a patient feigns a seizure (either intentionally or unintentionally) it's a comically bad interpretation of what they think it should look like."

roc_and_roll

The Proof is in the Penis

“'I haven't had sex.' Sorry sir, the syphilitic lesion on the tip of your penis says otherwise." - dagayute

“Someone said my name?" - [deleted]

Pre-CGI Special Effects

“My sister said a kid around 12 came in one day with his dad. The kid had like red marker or something on his wrist and was trying to convince her that it was blood/broken and he got beat up (but beat up the other kids worse)." - AppealToReason16

Here's Hoping the Hospital has Better Technology

"Tests positive for morphine...'I've been eating a ton of poppy seed bagels!'" - cskelly

"A relative of mine played sports at a Division I university. They were not allowed to eat any poppy seed baked goods because they screwed with the drug tests." - aspiegrrrl

A Flesh Wound

"'I'm fine Doc. Just a little scratch.'"

"Me saying this while having blood all over my arm after an accident."

Small_Spiral

Giphy

You Should See the Other Lie

'I fell and hurt my hand.'

"Yeah, right. It's not called a Boxer's Fracture for nothing."

angmarsilar

People Explain Which Lessons Aren't Taught In History Class But Should Be
Photo by Taylor Wilcox on Unsplash

It's highly believed that it is important to learn history as a means to improve our future.

What is often overlooked is that what is taught in history class is going to be very different depending on where you went to school.

And this isn't just internationally, even different regions of the United states will likely have very different lessons on American history.

This frequently results in our learning fascinating, heartbreaking and horrifying historical facts which our middle or high school history teachers neglected to teach us.

Redditor Acherontia_atropos91 was curious to learn things people either wished they had learned, or believe they should have learned, in their school history class, leading them to ask:

What isn’t taught in history class but should be?
Keep reading... Show less
People Share The Most Random Things They Miss About Life Before The Pandemic
Photo by Noah on Unsplash

So apparently we are in the endemic phase of this nonsense.

We have light at the end of the tunnel.

So what now?

Where do we go from here?

Normal seems like an outdated word.

How do we get back to normal though?

Is it even possible?

What are reaching back to?

Life pre-Covid.

Those were the days.

If only we could bring them back.

Redditor hetravelingsong wanted to discuss our new normal in this hopeful "endemic" phase. So they asked:

"What’s something random you miss about pre-COVID times?"
Keep reading... Show less
Atheists Break Down What They Actually Do Believe In
Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

What do you believe?

Is there a GOD in the sky?

Is he guiding us and helping us?

Life is really hard. Why is that is a big entity is up there loving us?

Atheists have taken a lot of heat for what feels like shunning GOD.

What if they've been right all along?

Maybe let's take a listen and see what they really think.

Redditor __Jacob______ wanted to hear from the people who don't really believe all that "God" stuff. They asked:

"Atheists, what do you believe in?"
Keep reading... Show less

The list of what irritates me is endless.

I mean... breathing too loud or dust can set me off.

I'm a bit unstable, yes.

But I'm not alone.

So let's discuss.

Redditor Aburntbagel6 wanted to hear about all the times many of us just couldn't control our disdain. They asked:

"What never fails to piss you off?"
Keep reading... Show less