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Prison Guards Reveal Which Inmate Left The Biggest Mark On Their Lives

Prison Guards Reveal Which Inmate Left The Biggest Mark On Their Lives

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There are just some jobs in this world that take a special kind of patience... heck a special kind of person. Most people dream of working somewhere were at the very least our lives are not constantly in peril. I would consider that one of the little things in life. But a job is a job because we all have to make a living. One career in particular seems especially challenging, prison guard. On TV and in the movies it's always an uber ominous, mostly volatile situation. But in life we can walk away with the most unexpected lessons and memories from "unorthodox" scenarios.

Redditor _ZteveBond reached out to the prison guards of the world to ask... Prison Guards of Reddit, which prisoner has left the biggest impact on your life wether positive or negative? This is surprisingly 50/50....

A SOFT SPOT FOR THE FELINES...

One guy wrote a request slip and gave it to me, policy is we have to read it. So i read it. Maximum security prison that has cats running around the compound. The request reads "Hi can i talk to mister NAME in charge of the cats, i like to pet cats and maybe can play with them too. i like the cats"

24 year old guy mentally ill in for the rest of his life for butchering a mom.

EMPATHY IS A POWERFUL THING...

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Had one black guy murder some kid when he was 10/12 years old in Alabama in the 1970s, he's been in prison since the day he was arrested. If you saw him you would crap your pants, 380lbs of muscle and 6ft9in. But if you mention women he will burst out crying for minutes because he's never touched a woman and sees it on tv.

I was conflicted until the first two weeks of working there, when you see guys throw a fit/assault your friends and partners. It becomes an every day battle. You see on interviews of soldiers they say that they become brothers with their team. You don't understand until you get jumped from behind and can't call a signal on your radio but 1 of your 2 other officers, vs 300 offenders, hears a commotion and you look up to see him sprinting down a cell house range toward you.

ADDICTION IS AN EPIDEMIC!

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Used to work in a county jail in a small county, relatively speaking, but was fairly large for the region. One day, a local prominent, fairly successful attorney was lodged for driving under the influence of drugs. Turns out he had a major addiction and this was just the beginning of a long slide. He got a light sentence but reoffended while on probation, missed some court dates, and violated his bond. When the dust settled, he was sentenced to a year in our facility. He was an affable guy and easy to talk to. I would talk with him when I was assigned to yard detail and his block was out and learned a lot about his past. There were no red flags in his history. He was just a guy who had everything going for him. He just couldn't shake the addiction. When he finally got out, he folded up his practice and left town. I heard a month or two later that he moved to Chicago and died of an overdose.

Out of all the crazy things I saw, that one stuck in my mind over everything else. It just struck me how drug addiction doesn't care how rich or poor, smart or stupid, successful or incompetent a person is. Any of us could fall down that rabbit hole given the right circumstances and a single lapse of judgement.

RESPECT GOES A LONG WAY!

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My grandad was the captain of the guard at the prison he worked at for 20+ years, retiring shortly after I was born. He had a very strong stance on inmates: "I don't like you, and if I were to ever catch you with my daughter I'd probably kill you. But you are human and deserved to be treated as such." He demanded that the men under his command not act like a-holes to the inmates and was as fair as could be possible in the prison system at the time.

When he died of cancer when I was 8, the inmates went into voluntary lockdown as a sign of respect for my grandpa so that as many guards as possible could attend the funeral. This has left a lasting impression on how to treat people, and the problems with the American prison system in general.

A LASTING AFFECT.

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Worked parking authority with a guy who only did 1 shift a week. He was a prison guard and i kid you not, every dam time i walked with him, different former inmates would run up to him, ask how he is, and never were afraid to ask for numbers or resources.

At the time he told me he needed a retirement job, everyones theory at work was he needed to check in with them.

Some good people in corrections.

CASH MONEY BABY...

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Basically, I worked in the front office and took care of the inmate's personal money (receiving it in, making sure it hit their account, making sure they got paid, getting money orders out for them, making sure their money left with them when they left, etc.)

One day I'm going through the facility and an officer calls me over because an inmate has a question about his money. He's in the segregation unit, which I had never been in, so it was a bit odd, but no big deal.

It was an older guy (at least to me), quiet & respectful, which was nice. We talk a little bit about his money and the processes for it, nothing major.

I was curious after I got back to my office and looked the guy up and it turns out the guy's name is John Edward Robinson, and he's locally famous serial killer in the Kansas City region.

It's not a world shattering impact on my life, but it occasionally hits me that I've had a conversation with a true, honest to god serial killer. It's a little trippy.

TOO MUCH.. TOO SAD...

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Wow! I can answer this.

I was in the job for 2 years. I was having a TERRIBLE time. Hated the entire experience. Not fights or finding drugs but the whole sadness of it.

Then on one of my last days an inmate tried to burn himself to death. I went with him in the ambulance and held his hand as he lay dying. He looked up at me and said _"How're you doing son?" I started crying and told him i couldn't do it anymore and he smiled and said _"You can leave."

As far as I know i was the last man he talked to as he was put into an induced coma as soon as he got to hospital.

His last thoughts and words were concern for me. I left soon after due to getting nearly killed by another inmate.

NO EYE CONTACT...

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Worked at a women's prison and there was one inmate who would constantly brag about what she did ( killed and tortured her step daughter). I looked up what she did to confirm the story and it was way worse than I could have imagined. I never looked anyone up again. Although that person will be in prison for life it has really made me think twice about the death penalty, and how I truly believe some people just shouldn't be alive.

SO MANY EMOTIONS...

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Work in the setting, people adjust to it pretty easily when they know they are stuck for 20+ yrs. I've worked with some individuals that would rather stay then leave because of the ease the system provides. As a prisoner you can still experience happiness you just gauge it differently, much like I imagine a kid in say a tribal village experiences happiness when if I were there I'd be lost without my PS4 and HDTV... if that makes sense.

MEDIC!!

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Nurse/paramedic here. Jail prisoner had a 75 mcg per hour fentanyl patch applied to his skin by the jail nurse. 15 minutes later, the guards find him unconscious and barely breathing. EMS called. They find the fentanyl patch in his mouth when managing his airway. He peeled the patch off and chewed on it, releasing 5.4 grams of fentanyl in seconds. All the Narcan in the world couldn't bring him back.

UM... WARNING... THAT IS ALL..

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Buddy of mine was a corrections officer until an inmate broke his back about 6 years ago. Apparently Michigan has some rough facilities. Worst story he ever told me was about an inmate that was generally a "good guy" never causing any problems. They were closing down for the evening and this guy wasn't going back to his cell. Was just leaning over the railing like he was in pain. When my buddy went up to him to see what was up, he just looked up and said,"I think I messed up, boss" then (to hear my buddy tell it) he pooped out the entirety of his insides.

If they ever found out the cause, they never told my buddy. Guy lived but lost a lot of his intestines and was on a bag for the rest of his life.

COUNTY HS SOME ISSUES AS WELL...

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I don't work in a prison but a county jail as a correctional deputy. For me, it was the guy that I had to tell that his daughter had died spontaneously in her sleep. She just stopped breathing and they couldn't bring her back. I will never forget the pain and loss in his cries. He was only in jail on a probation violation. I ran in to him a couple years after and he told me that his daughter had saved many other kids with her donated organs. He was a kind soul, just had a substance problem. I hope he is doing good.

YOU TALKING TO ME?

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I was an IT tech for a county sheriff's department while in college. Most of my work was in stations or admin buildings, but I did get tickets for work in one of our 8 or so jails somewhat regularly. The biggest take away was that I never want to end up in jail. It was sometimes kind of scary in there, even though I was separate from the inmates and always had a guard escort.

However, the most memorable job was the one time I had to go to the women's prison. It was a very open layout, minimum security prison, so there was a lot of visibility. Everywhere I went in there, every inmate stopped whatever they were doing and stared at me until I was out of sight. I got used to inmates in the other prisons shouting obscenities and threats when I walk by, but being the focus of attention for that many women at once was pretty unnerving as an awkward 22 year old nerd.

I WANNA DANCE WITH SOMEBODY!

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I work at a juvenile prison. Most of the kids I work with are gangsters and violent offenders. All of my clients have made a big impact on me, but more impactful than individual clients have been the moments I get to see of them as a group, just being kids. A few weeks ago I walked onto my unit and initially thought there was a fight, because I heard a lot of noise and yelling. When I opened the door, I saw 10 or so teenage boys singing the cha cha slide at the top of their lungs and dancing like fools. They were from different hoods, some didn't even like each other on the unit, but they came together for the cha cha slide. I don't think I've ever smiled so much. Moments like these are more impactful for me than individual youth, because it reminds me of the simple ways in which all humans are the same. Everyone wants to dance. Everyone just wants to have fun.

THE RUN GAME...

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I worked as a CO roughly 4 years for a Max security unit in Texas. Wild times. I can think of tons of stories and conversations with inmates but one always stands out. I was 19 years old at the time and I got assigned to be one of 3 officers in food service for about 6 months. Laid back gig, working nights supervising the inmates as they cooked the 3am breakfast meal. I had a pretty good crew. One night I was making rounds around the kitchen and two of the newer guys assigned to my crew started to try and ask personal questions as a way to "run game" as we call it. Or as a way to try and find out how much they can get away with.

I asked them to return back to their work and don't ask me any more questions personal in nature. They tried to argue and ask why I didn't want to be homeboys with them etc etc etc. I told them to leave me alone and return to work. I went back to walking around and one of my older cooks on shift told me that he had overheard that conversation. He told me"Ya know, I been here a long time and seen officers come and go." I looked at him kind of confused. He told me he was sorry that I wouldn't be able to stick around a long time because the way I handled the situation with other other 2 guys. That kinda made me uncomfortable and I asked him what made him say that. He told me that every day I came to work I didn't come in wanting to start trouble, or harass anybody and that I never talked down to any of my officers or inmates. " Good officers don't make it out here, the bad ones make the job a nightmare for people who want to be professional." And I learned that to be true. I enjoyed my time there for the most part. I learned a lot and what he told me was true. I know you will never see this, but I apologize for not taking you seriously at the time, Fish. Hope you're well.

Infamous Internet Rumors That Ended Up Being True

Reddit user strakerak asked: 'What started out as an internet rumor that ended up being infamously true?'

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Photo by Ludovic Toinel on Unsplash

In 2017, I returned to my office after my lunch break to hear my supervisors discussing Tom Petty. This seemed like a random topic to me until one of my supervisors told me Tom Petty had passed away. He was a huge fan of Petty and spent the next hour or so combing through the internet to get more information.

He came back into the room my other supervisor and I were working in and announced that Tom Petty wasn't dead after all. News outlets had jumped the gun to announce his death, but he was actually still alive.

The next day, I came in to find out that Tom Petty was dead; the news may have been premature, but true.

This is a classic example of the rumor being started on the internet. Sometimes, like with the news of Tom Petty's death, the rumor can run wild and appear everywhere. Other times, the rumor can be seen by just a few people and dismissed. However, a lot of times, these rumors turn out to be true.

Redditors know a lot of internet rumors that turned out to be true, and are eager to share.

It all started when Redditor strakerak asked:

"What started out as an internet rumor that ended up being infamously true?"

The King Of Pop

"Michael Jackson writing the music for Sonic 3."

"He actually did, but was never credited on the game because it would breach his contract with his record label."

– -WigglyLine-

"He did the same when he appeared on The Simpsons. He appeared under a pseudonym, and the Producers said it was an impersonator."

"Only years later they confirmed it really was Michael."

"His singing voice was actually done by an impersonator, though."

– given2fly_

The Truth Comes Out

"In 1998, US Men’s National Team captain John Harkes was shockingly cut from the team right before the World Cup. The coach claimed it was because Harkes wouldn’t fit into his new preferred formation, but rumors flew on the early internet that it was actually because he had slept with his teammate Eric Wynalda’s wife. The rumor was so well-known in soccer circles that Harkes expressly denied it in his autobiography the next year."

"Fast forward 12 years to 2010 and Wynalda admits it’s true. The coach then came out and admitted it was why he dropped Harkes, but that he’d planned to keep the secret as long as Wynalda did."

– guyfromsoccer

Video Evidence

"The Tim Burton Hansel and Gretel that aired once on halloween in the 80's."

"I heard for years that it was fake but I knew it was real because my dad recorded everything in the 80s and he recorded that. We let a good friend of ours borrow it and switch it over from VHS to DVD and soon after that it made its way on to the internet , and there it is now. I know it's our copy because the tracking in the beginning is screwed up. Still have the VHS."

– Frozenthickness

"There was a similar story with a Nickelodeon movie called Cry Baby Lane. It was supposed to be so scary that Nickelodeon got complaints and denied its existence for years. Someone uploaded a taped copy to youtube about a decade ago."

– PattiAllen

The Movie Business

"That North Korea hacked Sony Pictures because of The Interview movie."

"I worked in the movie business at the time and the account managers at Sony all basically needed to get new identities as all of their personal information got leaked online."

OldMastodon5363

"My partner worked on that movie and the production bought all the crew 1 year of an identity theft tracking service."

CMV_Viremia

Keep Away From The Ears Of Kids

"Some banned episodes or scenes of cartoons."

"For example, I remember there was a Dexter’s Lab cartoon where he clones evil versions of DeDe and himself and they swear like every other word (censored of course), and people debated whether it even existed cause they only aired it like once. Now it’s pretty accessible online."

– Spledidlife

Yes, It's True

"Echelon, a massive electronic espionage system by the US and allies to intercept all electronic messages, especially emails."

"In the mid-nineties it was a topic on conspiracy BBS boards. A lot of people in my bubble at the time (mainly uni students in Europe) were including fake threats to the US in the their email signatures as a way to "protest" and "fill the system with false alarms" (obviously useless)."

"Then, in 1999-2000 came out to be true and a lot of security service agencies from UK and other US allies started to admit they were part of the espionage network."

– latflickr

How The Mighty Fell

"John Edward’s love child."

– ACam574

"A reminder that he was cheating on his wife while she was hospitalized for cancer treatment."

– Fanclock314

Ugh...

"Carrie Fisher's heart attack. Some a**hole who was on the same flight was livetweeting the whole medical emergency and justified it by insisting she was just making sure the family was informed."

– everylastlight

It Actually Happened

"Every year around her birthday there was a rumor that Betty White died. When I heard she died, I scoffed, saying that dumb rumor is back.... then saw it on the news. I was in shock."

– Known-Committee8679

"The fact that Betty died literally right before she turned 100 is such a Betty White way to go out."

– Paganigsegg

Big Actor, Small Roles

"I distinctly remember some rumors about the reason why Bruce Willis was taking so many roles in sh*tty movies before it was announced he has dementia."

– KampferMann

"RedLetterMedia did a deep dive on his recent movie activity to try and work out why exactly he was taking part in basically scam-movies. They noticed he had an earpiece in one of the scenes and joked that the director was feeding him lines. I remember they even disclaimed over the rumours at the time, and possible made a follow-up vid when it was revealed to the public."

– CardinalCreepia

What To Do Next?

"That the writer of LOST were making it up as they went."

"Turned out to be absolutely true."

– homarjr

That last one was kind of obvious!

Do you have any to add? Let us know in the comment below.

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Photo by Jay Lamm on Unsplash

Whether you're naturally interested in fun facts and trivia or not, it's always nice to know a few that you can pull out of your pocket at a moment's notice as a nice conversation starter.

But there are some fun facts out there that are so weird, people become more preoccupied with how the teller found out that information rather than the information itself.

Redditor Dry_Bus_935 asked:

"What is your 'don't ask me how I know' random fact?"

Nuclear Fail Safe

"You have quite a lot of time, certainly more than ten seconds, to turn back on the main pumps of a nuclear reactor once you have accidentally turned them off."

- egorf

"I'm not surprised. The amount of fail safes, redundancies, and emergency scenario planning for nuclear power plants is insane."

"I toured a nuclear plant and wrote my high school senior thesis on the plans put in place to ensure the Fukushima disaster would not happen at that plant."

"I'm sure the secondary pumps are plenty capable of handling the reactor until the main pumps are repaired or just turned back on."

- Borderlandsman

Happy Cat

"If your cat chews on fresh eucalyptus, they might start hallucinating and fall over repeatedly, leading to a $400 emergency vet bill just to be told she’s just kinda high."

- oddidealstronghold

"And, that's part of why koalas love it. Little stoners."

- littlebluefoxy

Archaeology: Do Not Lick

"Old human bones are very porous, so if you lick them, they’ll stick to your tongue."

- clanculcarius

Sharing is Caring

"A pigeon will only eat a Starburst if you chew it up a little bit first. Just to clarify: chew the Starburst, not the pigeon."

- OhTheHueManatee

"Instructions unclear. Pigeon unhappy."

- Wild-Lychee-3312

Intriguing Anatomy

"Everyone is here with the creepy crime stuff, and I'm just like, 'A soft fur rat has 22 nipples.'"

- horroscoblue

"Okay, so either they have really small nipples, their nipples overlap, or they have nipples in places where there shouldn't be nipples."

"(I've never written the word 'nipples' so many times in a singular sentence before.)"

- GdeGraaf

'Don't Ask Me,' Indeed!

"Turmeric can be used as clothes dye. It is capable of permanently dyeing cotton cloth even after it has passed through the digestive tract of an adult male."

- SlefeMcDichael

"You s**t your pants, didn't you?"

- PMmecrossstitch

"I'd prefer not to answer that question."

- SlefeMcDichael

High-Risk Survival Skills

"If you ever trying to survive in the Arctic, don’t eat polar bear liver. It is so high in vitamin A, it will kill you."

- WrongWayCorrigan-361

"It's also surrounded by a lethal amount of angry polar bear."

- horanc2

Real-Life Spies

"TV shows and movies go out of their way to make military/intelligence officers look bada**."

"But real-life 'spies,' by design and training, are boring. They have regular houses and standard second-hand cars, they dress down, and they have vague, boring job titles (accounts receivable) as cover, and they do not draw attention to themselves. Most come from specialized academia."

- Ok_Worth_1093

Haunting Reality

"Your muscles can keep twitching for several hours after you die."

- JustDave62

"Also, beards can appear to grow. This is however not because the beard itself grows but because the skin shrinks."

- RRautamaa

"I worked at a morgue for over eight years. If you grasp the hand of a dead body to move the arm, the hand will grasp back, but that's just muscles and tendons reacting to the tension."

- goneferalinid

The Sneakiness of Drowning

"When a drowning victim is revived, get them to a hospital as soon as possible. Drowning is the leading cause of death of kids from the age of one to seven and is ruled as accidental drowning when it comes to secondary drowning or dry drowning."

"Basically, your lungs are full of water despite being revived. Your lungs will absorb the liquid, but not before your body acidifies from high levels of carbon dioxide. The only chance to survive is to have the lungs pumped with oxygen via CPAP machine and time."

"Also, drowning is extremely quiet. You don’t hear the victim go under. And if you see flailing, do not attempt to save the victim otherwise you’ll become another drowning victim. Throw them a lifeline and hope their amygdala realizes that a rope or something is floating near them and grabs on it."

- Dfiggsmeister

Not Everyone's Favorite Chocolate

"Hershey’s chocolate has the strong smell of vomit or feces to some people (me), and that’s because they use butyric acid as a preservative. Butyric acid is the compound that makes vomit smell so bad."

"Edit: Digging further into it, there are some claims that they may not be “adding” the butyric acid, but rather it is occurring from essentially spoiling the milk in their milk chocolate. Either way, the butyric acid and putrid smell remains a part of their product."

- hefewiseman1

"That explains the weird aftertaste I always get! I don’t smell it but their chocolate always has this super unpleasant sharp/acidic aftertaste that I find repulsive. I assume this is why!!"

- PomegranateNo975

Do Not Lick the Asbestos

"Asbestos tastes like chalk. And if you lick it, it has the texture of extremely gritty sandpaper. Which is actually the feeling of microscopic asbestos needles piercing your flesh!"

- TooYoungToBeThisOld1

Mapping Out the War

"Beginning in 1911 in anticipation of the outbreak of WW1 in 1914, two statesmen, one from England and one from France, began visiting locations in France that they believed would be the settings for a number of major battles that would occur during the great war."

"Long bike rides through these future battle zones in the countryside and weeks spent building a foundation for a French-Anglo codebook that would later prove important in helping win the war."

- fjordperfect123

Avoiding Lawsuits > Protecting Patients

"Doctors, or surgeons more specifically, that make too many mistakes during surgery, ie, leaving instruments in patients, frequently gets ‘quietly traded’ to other hospitals where they continue their path of destruction with the patients not being aware of their past record. Hospitals tend to keep quiet about the matter to avoid lawsuits."

- Kittytigris

Bonus Points: Do This While Having Lunch in Your Car

"If you overfill a fast food gravy cup and then put a lid on, it will create a pressurized gravy stream that sprays all over your face and uniform while your coworker looks on in horror."

- thechaosjester776

This subReddit thread was so a roller-coaster of random facts, we've surely all walked away learning something.

But the biggest takeaway might just be: Maybe don't lick so many things.

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vaitheeswaran Nataraj/Unsplash

When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.

But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.

Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.

It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.

Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:

"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"

These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.

Bleeding Out

"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."

"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."

– DongLaiCha

Tragic News

"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."

– accountnameredacted

Bottom Of The Barrel

"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."

– Crotch-Monster

A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.

Like Father, Like Son

"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."

– psycospaz

Busted

"Flashing blue lights."

– FiddleOfGold

"This sobered me up just thinking about it."

– redmaple_syrup

Losing Sight

"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."

– MissHibernia

Quitting The Bottle

"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."

– omgtater

These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.

Unplanned House Guests

"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."

– Oneinsevenbillion75

Serious Health Warning

"Elevated liver enzymes."

"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."

"So I opted for recovery, instead."

"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."

– Far_Meal8674

The Joyride

"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."

– foxfood9116

The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?

How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.

But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.

Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.

Woman holding multiple shopping bags
Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.

Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.

These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.

From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.

Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:

"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"

"Tale As Old As Time..."

"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","

"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."

"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."

"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."

"Lol!"

"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom

"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."

"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."

"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."

"I think he was a germaphobe."

"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."

"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."

"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.

"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."

"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."

"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000

Money Burn GIF by nog Giphy

Who Wore It Better?

"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."

"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."

"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."

"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'

"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"

"No."- mertsey627

Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...

"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."

"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."

"It was very low key."

"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."

"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."

"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."

"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."

"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa

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See You In Court!

"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."

'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."

"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."

"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."

"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."

"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin

It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!

"I work in a public library."

"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."

"A popular book that just came out."

"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."

"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten

A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!

"My own."

"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"

"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."

"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"

"Unacceptable!"

"This shall not stand!"

"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."

"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."

"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."

"I got over it."- DeathGrover

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Holy Matrimony!

"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."

"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."

"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."

"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."

"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."

"It's just a party."

"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree

When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...

"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore

In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...

"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."

"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."

"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."

"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."

"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."

"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."

"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."

"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."

"We don’t offer wrapping services."

"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."

'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae

Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso Giphy

Happiest Place On Earth!

"I used to work for Disney."

"That in itself should tell you everything."

"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."

"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."

"Suddenly got worse huh?"

"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."

"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."

"I'm not kidding."

"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."

"My wife worked booking."

"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."

"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."

"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."

"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."

"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."

"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong

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The horror!

Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!

It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...

Said absolutely no one.