intro

I'm not a police officer, but my grandpa was.

He has all kinds of cop stories, but only one Halloween one:

They pulled over and talked to some teenagers that were obviously troublemakers. After questioning them, asking the standard questions, he realized they all had eggs in their pants. He asked them casually if they had anything that could cause trouble in their pockets. They denied it. Following this, he said, "Ok, so you won't mind if I do this-" and heavily patted down their legs, smashing the eggs and letting them all run down their legs into their shoes.

watchpigsfly

I'm an EMT sitting in the booking area of a county jail right now. Tonight isn't too bad so far, but I'm sure it will get worse. Last year we had a guy come in dressed as Satan that the officer's had to fight, and during the whole ordeal he was screaming, "FUCK YOUR COUCH! FUCK YOUR COUCH!" Good times. I'll be updating this comment every so often with things that happen tonight. I'll be here until 7:00 am MST.

2342: Crying drunk obese lady came in. No real problems with her, just a hysterical Hispanic with eyeliner running down her face.

0004: A Russian couple just walked in. Both are really drunk, just like good Russians. They also have heavy Russian accents and are talking very loudly. This could get good soon.

0012: Russian wife just slapped Russian husband, but none of the officers saw. That would not have ended well if the officers saw that. Looks like she got off easy this time. It will probably happen again though.

0056: Russian couple was separated. Russian bromandude wasn't too happy and was insisting he had diplomatic immunity. Russian lady is sleeping now. No real good costumes have come in. Just a guy dressed as an original gangster in a zoot suit (thanks ragdoll32). Lots of people dressed as homeless individuals, but I don't think it's anything special for Halloween.

0123: This Halloween is not as amusing as last years, so I'll tell another story from last year. A guy came in dressed as a magician. When the officers were searching him, they found one of those multi-colored cloths that go on forever up his sleeve. It was pretty funny to see him pull on it for what seemed like forever.

0159: Just got a call saying a combative person was about 5 minutes out. I'll update when he/she comes in. Also, this last person I was talking to had so much to drink it burned my eyes out of my skull just from his breath. It's very hard to type blind.

0206: Sorry to have to kill your spirits, but the combative female calmed down and didn't need any help getting to a cell. Now my coworker adam1330 is rubbing it in my face that he can leave the compound and I can't due to staffing restrictions. Fuck his couch.

0233: Nothing to report at this time. I'm pretty bummed out about this Halloween. It's not as eventful as last year's.

0249: I'll tell another story from last year. A guy came in dressed as an inmate for Halloween. When he first walked in, we thought he had escaped and the Cop had caught an AWOL guy. After doing a very thorough headcount of the jail (about 2,000 inmates) we realized it was a costume.

0301: I always get the occasional smartass who tries to outsmart me with medical knowledge. Just now I had a drunk girl tell me she has hydronephrosis, then ask in a very snarky way if I even know what that means, you're too young to know anything, you don't look like a doctor why am I even talking to you, etc. I explained in great detail how water can build up in the kidneys, possible side effects, how to diagnose, etc. She wasn't too happy I'm smart and turned into an angry drunk. I like being smart.

0315: adam1330 just returned from his journey with McDonald's that he got for free. He said something about I fucked her and she paid me kind of deal he set up with the cashier.

0345: McDonald's is the most delicious when it's free. A guy I just talked to was very intoxicated and was humping the air while I was holding a conversation with him.

0415: Well something exciting finally happened. A woman was brought in, and as she was having the cuffs removed, she turned around and tried to hit the officer. This didn't go over too well, and the officer kicked her feet out from underneath her and brought her to the ground. She was then placed in the "timeout chair" and put in a cell. She' was screaming about how she "knows her rights" and whatever else. Sure. No injuries were noted and she's probably going to stay in the chair until shift change at 0700. Also, There was a guy who came in who had a haircut just like that crazy woodpecker dude from Looney Tunes. Shaved on the sides, back and top with a long patch on the very front. He was pretty crazy. Still no costumes to report.

0452: Nothing new, girl is still in restraints.

0513: Girl in restraints has been screaming "HELLO" very loudly for the past little bit and won't shut up.

0545: A guy just stood up and pissed on the floor in front of everyone. Now he has an added charge of urination in public. Dumbass. Also the girl in restraints was taken out of restraints. Now she's just sitting there very quietly.

0600: A bleach blond Asian came in. That's the highlight of the hour.

0630: Nothing new to report. I'm looking longingly at the door my relief should come through in about 30 mins. Also, to clarify what happened between the Russian couple- the female hit the male. I told the officer next to me she hit him. The officer looked at them, looked at me, then went back to doing whatever he was doing. Stop sending me angry PM's about not reporting abuse.

0655: I'm counting down until I leave. 5 minutes until my relief should be here, but we'll see if he gets here on time.

0700: My relief showed up. I'm out. This was fun.

0801: I'm back home now. This Halloween wasn't the best I've worked, but I hope it was enjoyable for all you who read it.

dogback

London police officer here. In my opinion Halloween is by far the worst night to work. Just finished a long bastard night shift dealing with an ass hat in a banana man outfit squeezing bananas between his buttocks while shouting "it's ok I'm bumana man". Gotta give it to him.

whampbeef

I work as a part time police officer in a rural township with a small historical town in the middle. Got called out for a couple noise complaints last week that ended up being Halloween parties. Like every place in America, we have a local crackhead that everyone knows. Get to the party, and the local crackhead is there is dressed as Tyrone Biggums from Chappelle Show. Asked him if he was using today. He said, "Nope, on the one day I actually come out as a crackhead, I ain't using." He was serious, its the only time anyone from the department had seen him not all cracked out. Not really a story, but when we get a call this time of year for a Halloween party, everyone on shift rushes there, not to break up the party, but to check out all the women dressed slutty. TL;DR Local crackhead is dressed as Tyrone Biggums on the one day he isn't on crack.

MonsunBull

I used to work for Texas A&M EMS, and for a couple years the police department had trouble with a wookie. There was a full grown man, in a movie quality Chewbacca costume, who would run around campus and scare the living shit out of students. The cops would keep an eye out for him, but I guess in the dark they could never see him to catch him. I kept in touch with a couple officers after I left there and the PD finally caught the Chewbacca and took him to jail...still dressed as a wookie.

TAMUMEDIC

I love these threads because I always have great ones from the fantastic state of Idaho.

The one that stands out the most would have to be Halloween 2001. This particular experience nearly made me take a leave due to the weirdness, so don't say I didn't warn you. It starts off on a regular Halloween patrol, my regular partner was sick (and somehow managed to attend a party) so I was stuck with a crotchety racist who I really didn't like. About an hour in he says something like "hey spook, what are those guys doing?". After a brief and angry discourse on nomenclature, we stopped to see what looked like a bit of an impromptu costume orgy past a thicket on the side of the road. This was normal for Halloween, and was more often than not drunk middle aged party goers. The two men were dressed as Mickey mouse and the woman was hard to see, but looked to be dressed as a deer.

Normally when I see the old random hump, I let them have the privacy to finish and then chase them off or arrest them depending on location. This time was disconcerting though, they weren't holding the woman down, but from what I could see she was unresponsive. So we strolled up and tapped on the tree behind them. They didn't stop canoodling, but what we saw made us jump back and I am unashamed to admit I threw up on the spot. This is the part where I say that what I saw was the single most awful thing I, and I am assuming racist asshole as well, have ever seen.

It wasn't a deer costume, it was a half butchered doe with its intestines strewn about. They were taking turns fucking it and all they were wearing was mickey mouse masks. That was really hard to write because the image is still really fresh in my brain after all these years. This was just so inhumanly awful that I can't describe it. I might tear up, I'm not kidding. Okay, anyway we stare completely frozen for about a minute until racist asshole takes out his gun and starts yelling at them.

These guys don't pay any attention to us and just keep humping away covered from the waist down in blood and what appeared to be some solid matter. Finally my brain kicks in and I tell racist asshole to lower his gun and we both step forward and detain the two men. We call it all in and take the two men back to the station. They don't say a damn word the whole way back, but one guy keeps chuckling. They tested positive for meth (big fucking surprise) and were both very incoherent even after they came down. I didn't look into it much, but they both apparently were run of the mill laborers who had gone missing months prior.

So, that is one of the more gruesome things I have seen. One of the most visually disturbing, anyway. So yeah, happy Halloween.

Anticlimactic-story

My friend got put in the drunk tank a few Halloweens ago. One of the guys in the tank was wearing a Superman costume. The drunks spent the whole night razzing him; telling him to bend the bars so they could escape.

caribbeanz

Mainly just drunk people.

An officer once arrested a chick in a sexy cat costume who tried to blow him. That's all I got.

[deleted]

I saw a (fake) bloody foot sticking out of a car, told my dad, and he told me, Halloween's the perfect time to murder or kidnap someone. The police will just think you're just trying to scare someone with fake limbs.

alvinliu

Well we had a cop in my neighborhood pull over a guy on an ATV because he was shooting kids with his paintball gun.

WilliamHealy

I actually always enjoyed working Halloween as the incident descriptions were always hilarious: 'number two female dressed as snow white being disorderly. She's uh approaching trick-or-treaters and appears to be 6I (intoxicated' 'Possible subjects smashing cars; appear to be males dressed as ninja turtle'

stepinsnow

A lady I work with is married to a cop and she told me how a couple years back he got word that a bunch of kids were going to egg cars in their neighborhood so him and his partner dressed up in huge raincoats and walked down the street and let the kids egg them in stead.

WorldofCatcraft

I just saw a cop in Chicago riding a horse with a horse mask on... I thought it was pretty weird.

obsceneonetwo

In the past few years Halloween has become big business and adults seriously partake in the fun and costumes. Lots of adult costume and theme parties in recent years. You go to houses and people have real problems, but they're dressed in ridiculous costumes. You try settling a domestic dispute between drunk Raggety Ann and Andy. Those cat women costumes rarely disappoint. However we had an automobile vs. pedestrian accident one year and the dead victim (drunk, ran across a dark highway) and the poor driver (sober and devestated) were both in costumes. Fucking surreal.

[deleted] 

I was told a story of a girl who went to a party as a frog. Not a slutty frog, just a full onesie and frog hoodie.

She got really hammered, as most American college kids do on Halloween (lets be honest, any holiday), and then attempted to drive home. I say attempted because she drove over a median and into a tree.

The cops showed up, and she failed sobriety tests with flying colors. She was then hauled off to spend the night in jail... in a frog suit. She decided against calling anyone for a ride because most of her friends were at the party trying to convince her not to drive, and her family was out of the question.

The kicker is that onesies get really hot, so she was naked underneath. She had to walk home in a frog suit hungover and depressed. It started raining. She had to put the frog hood on. Now just imagine a frog walking in the rain, hood up, head down - Her friends drive by. Ouch.

WDoE

Went out this weekend as a photographer for my local college paper (at a fairly big party school) in a small town. Halloween gets pretty wild here, and cops are a HUGE presence. By far the best part is the horse-mounted cops, who are basically there to be big and scary and tell drunk people to get the fuck out of an area if need be.

Highlights from the weekend (not all seen by me, but reported) include:

• woman getting angry at cop for sternly talking to her boyfriend, then punching said cop

• Drunk asshole tackling local hot dog guy's sign and then stand. Proceeded to be tackled by at least 4 cops. Complained loudly for several minutes about how he did nothing wrong. Cops genuinely tried to warn him about hitting his head on a car as they walked him to the drunk bus, and he flipped his shit.

• Huge horse cop breaking up a party by just slowly walking up onto the sidewalk. It's amazing how quickly people will move when they turn around and see a horse's snout staring them directly in the face.

• LOTS of alcohol pourings after minor in possessions or open containers

• Cops tackling multiple subjects, who all looked like one guy they were chasing

• TWO different groups of girls (none taller than 5'8", and I'm 6'4") threatening my life and my camera's well-being because I was taking photos of their friends getting arrested or treated by medical professionals

• Female costume that consisted of panties, sneakers, cowboy hat, and duct tape shaped like stars over her nipples

• Male costume exactly like the one above, minus the duct tape.

It was a blast.

kingtuolumne

My mom is a paramedic and one of the top party schools in the US is about an hour from here, so they pull in extra paramedics to cover it. I've heard some fun stories.

• Superman and Batman got in a fight over who would win in a fight and Superman broke Batman's jaw.

• Someone ended up with a fish hook through their cheek. ... Who the Hell had a fish hook?

• A lot of girls wear regular paint over their whole bodies, and then they overheat because they don't realize they aren't able to sweat.

missmaggy2u

My friend was pulled over after a Halloween party. He was breathslyzed and thrown in jail. The best part is, he went to the party dressed as a "prisoner".

[deleted]

Not a cop, but almost called them when I caught a bunch of asshole teenagers spraying my dog in the eyes with pepper spray. I ran down the street, caught the one with the spray, and sprayed the living hell out of him. I'm talking nose, eyes, ears, mouth. He was crying when I picked him up and shoved him to his friends down the road. In hindsight I don't regret this because my dog was crying all night after I rinsed her eyes... Fucking teenagers man.

DressyVermin

Not a cop, but I have a good cop-related story (novel?) of some good times on Halloween.

So it was actually about a year ago when I still lived in Illinois and was working as a banquet server. Every year the place I worked at has a thing called the Boo Bash where everyone dresses up and just gets completely trashed until 2 a.m. comes knocking and they get kicked out. So everything goes fine, or as fine as a huge party like that can go; the oddest things being a very large lady literally dancing with the wall for an hour or two, so nothing out of the ordinary really. But after everyone was kicked out and the servers were done cleaning up their messes, I walk out of the building and see roughly ten to fifteen cops/security guards standing around on one side, and then fifteen to twenty party-goers standing on the other side, with about ten feet between them; a.k.a. business as usual. But as I walk past this drunken/tired/annoyed mob I start to hear shouting and as I turn around I witness one of the best scenes of my life. On my left I see Buzz Lightyear yelling at jack sparrow while being held back by a green army man with all of the cop/security guards walking towards them getting ready to disperse them. All I could really do was just laugh at how ridiculous it all looked, probably because I just got off from working a twelve hour shift.

Capinporcupine