You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, or so the saying goes.
The same can be said for your interactions with cops, most of whom are perfectly happy to let minor infractions slide––When was the last time you were actually ticketed for jaywalking?––provided you're not a total Karen should you interact them.
Your local police officer likely doesn't care about jaywalking or the fact that you went five miles over the speed limit unless you give him a reason to, as we learned when Redditor Takdel asked police officers: "What stupid law have you enforced just because someone was an a-hole?"
"I was driving..."
GiphyI was driving on the interstate at speed limit (70 mph) when a vehicle overtook me at about 75 mph. This is no big deal except the driver smiled arrogantly and waved as he did it.
I had nothing better to do so I pulled him over with the intention of warning him for going 5 mph over. The driver then proceeds to tell me that it is illegal for me to issue a ticket for 5 mph over the limit due to blah blah blah. I tried to explain that I could, in fact, write the ticket and he remained ADAMANT that I couldn't.
Needless to say that was the first and only time I wrote a ticket for 5 mph over.
"Was at the end of my night shift..."
Cop here. Was at the end of my night shift, about to head home when i heard a crash near the detachment. Went to investigate and saw a couple of guys walking away from a local homeless feeding shelter, and a shopping cart that was thrown at the building nearly breaking the window.
Went to go have what was supposed to be a 5 minute chat about not breaking stuff on your way home from the bar, but one of the guys kept walking away from me. Just said "nope" and "i don't have to stop for you" after i formally detained him. Wouldn't give a name or anything.
Eventually told him its an obstruction charge (which i rarely do because people are kinda jerks a lot of the time) but he kept not saying.
Ended up being arrested for mischief, held overnight in the drunk tank and a $250 ticket for obstructing a peace officer. Because he didn't want to have a 5 minute talk about not being a jerk when drunk.
"How petty are you?"
Former police officer here. there was a law where I worked that banned spitting in public. I only wrote two or three people for it, and it was because the people were huge jerk. Even the prosecutors were like "Really? Expectorating in public? How petty are you?"
"I work in a town..."
I work in a town of 4000 roughly. We have two main Streets that run the entire length of town. One is in the middle of town and is small businesses and residential. The other is main traffic and the road you take if you need to pass through fairly quickly.
Well in ten years I have only written one jaywalking ticket. Just strutted out into traffic without even looking. Car 4 up from me locked them up to avoid hitting her. Chick that jaywalked flipped her the bird. She got the ticket. Plus we have a disorderly conduct ticket that loosely applies to flipping the bird. She got that one to. No traffic control either btw. (lights or stop signs).
Once saw a fellow officer write a ticket for "bald tires" (among several other things) because the driver decided to use his First Amendment right to call the officer a slang racial slur.
"I just finished..."
Excessive noise from a vehicle. I never give that ticket because it's kind of a waste of time compared to what I could be doing, but also most people have the common sense not to be blasting their sh!t at 150 decibels around the fuzz.
I just finished a call at Walmart. It's Walmart so the parking lot is PACKED. people, kids, families everywhere. This truck starts rolling through super slow. Dude had the power stone hooked up to his sound system. Pure dick move.
Pulled him over just have the conversation about respecting others. Guy was a dick.
He got 1100 dollars worth of tickets where he could have gotten a warning if not for the attitude.
"Best case I can think of..."
Best case I can think of is how a guy turned a DUI into a 50k bond. He decided tear my interior door handles off while sitting in my back seat and trying to reassemble the lock so it will work and open the door. Except I was staring at him, telling him to stop, while he said he wasn't doing it. He tried it with both of them. So its two felony counts of damaging government property. Then I couldn't find a spring from the door handle so tampering with evidence which is another felony. Then the car he drove there in was a car he was supposed to be fixing at his job and he wasn't authorized to drive it, especially since it was taken to his shop for an oil change. he worked at a dealership and repaired cars. So he had a felony vehicle theft charge for trying to drive a customers 100k car to his ex-girlfriends house.
My call was from his ex-girlfriend (and two neighbors called) because he was screaming outside her door. He got public drunk and disorderly conduct for that. He was trying to hide when I got there but he was on the second floor of the apartment so he got another charge of obstruction. He also got the DUI charge so his license was pretty much gone because it was his 3 or 4th DUI.
Only charge that got dropped was tampering with evidence because it was too petty. I figured most of it would be dismissed, but his lawyer was horrible. He stayed in jail for like a month because his wealthy parents were tired of it and he drove that 100k car through their closed garage before he drove it to his ex-girlfriends house.
"I pulled a car over..."
I pulled a car over because he had a cover over his license plate that used to be clear (clear covers are legal), but had been damaged by the sun and weather to the point that you could barely read the plate under it (that's not legal). I stopped him with the intent of just letting him know of the problem and writing him a warning. When I told him why I stopped him, he picked up a book from his passenger seat with our state code of laws in it and asked me to show him where in the book it said he couldn't have a faded cover.
He was a real @ss about it too. I told him I wasn't going to go through his book looking for the statute but that I would go back to my car and write down the statute number for him and that he could look it up for himself. Well guess what, our warning tickets don't have a space for the statute number, but our real tickets do. So he got a ticket with the statute number on it. He paid his $100 fine without coming to court.
"We have a small children's..."
We have a small children's garden/park in our city. I was walking through one day and saw a guy picking cherry tomatoes off the plant and eating them. They're for looks and not eating and there's a sign at the entrance that says that. I politely told him to stop eating the tomatoes and pointed out the sign to him, explaining that the fruiting plants were there for the kids to see and that any food that comes from them will he picked and given to a homeless shelter. He didn't agree and picked another tomato and ate it right in front of me. I remembered that our city has an ordinance called "Intentional damage to city owned shrubs and trees" which carries around a $450 fine. He got a ticket for it that day. It's the only time anyone can ever remember that statute being used.
"It was a busy night..."
Firsthand patrol story here:
It was a busy night a few years back, and some idiot was running around lighting anything flammable on fire (dumpsters, couches, mattresses, you name it). We ended up with guys escorting fire trucks through the neighborhood just soaking down anything that could conceivably be ignited because nobody could find this guy. I was part of the group searching for him.
I passed by an apartment complex and heard a solid "thud" against the side of my patrol car. I looked over and saw a shirtless, curly haired drunk guy standing in his doorway laughing. I stopped the car to inspect for damage and planned to have a little chat with the guy if there wasn't any damage, mostly to advise him that he should (1) probably stay inside because he is drunk and (2) not throw footballs at police vehicles. He was an absolute jerk from start to finish.
Long story short, we have a city ordinance entitled "throwing missiles into a street," which is usually used to get people to stop blocking a street if they're playing ball in it. He is the only person I know of to actually be charged under that ordinance.
Redditor Eyeso-pain- wanted to discuss everyone's scandalous moments of pride without care, so they asked:
"Redditors, What’s the most nsfw thing that you have done and don’t regret?"
Just telling a cold, hard truth is my mic drop.
Felt good.
Let's Chat
Pay Me Season 4 GIF by The OfficeGiphy"Talked with my coworkers about our salaries."
ThaBossnian
"In all seriousness in the US under the National Labor Relations Act you have the right to discuss your salary with your coworkers and (legally at least) HR can't do a damn thing about it."
elementus
Hey Ladies
"This is tame but funny. Worked at a call center with other cubicles all around me. I went online to try and interpret a dream I had the night before. I typed in what I thought was Dreammoods, which is a dream dictionary but I must have skipped a letter because nude Dream girls started popping up on my screen and I could not get them to stop. It was rapid fire pop ups of Naked dream girls. LOL. I died."
RedHoneyBadger6
Smoking Hot
"I was living with my sister and her husband while in college (they lived just a few blocks from the school) one day while they were gone my gf came over wearing a sexy outfit. We were in the living room, making out furiously. She had just taken her skirt and top off and I heard a key in the lock."
"I was still dressed and booked it into the kitchen like I was grabbing sodas from the fridge and engaged them in conversation while standing in the doorway between the kitchen and living room as she quickly got dressed out of sight."
"She looked smoking hot in that outfit, and that was the sexiest thing she’d ever done until after we got married."
Storyteller678
NDA
"Slept with a hotel guest all over the hotel and it was caught on camera, including on the clock. Because of the NDA we all had to sign, and their post on Instagram about how marvelous the hotel was to their following, I got away with it. But it was a funny meeting where my remediation was 'don't ever freaking do that again... but nice job.'"
DrJOsterman
Some outfits make magic.
I like Home Depot
Heart Love GIF by Lowe's Home ImprovementGiphy"Had sex on the dishwashers in receiving at Lowes, with my fling at the time. That fling and I have been happily married for 12 years."
glittereddaisy13
Let's Play
"Went to a pro dominatrix. I apparently didn’t regret it since I’m seeing her tomorrow as well. Honestly it was a lot more chill than I expected. She was more than happy to just talk. Genuinely seemed like a nice person which put me at ease. I think it was mostly what I expected..."
Project_Legion
It Was Fun
"Was flirting with this person at work for a really long time but never did anything because work relationships are just too much drama. One day the power went out and I used a flashlight to get to the water machine in the big, infrequently used storage room that it was kept in."
"I’m sitting at a desk in the corner, reading my phone in the mostly dark, enjoying the quiet like a weirdo when she wanders in. We talked a bit and joked that it would be fun to go in the closet and have sex and if we thought anyone would find us. It was fun and no one found us."
Nippon-Gakki
48 Hours
"When I was in the army I decided to take a bus home from central Texas to northeastern Pennsylvania. It was a 48 hour trip. Somewhere south of Washington DC a woman gets on the bus and sits next to me as it's the only available seat. We start talking and hit it off."
"Later that night when it was nice and dark we sneak into the bathroom on the bus and get it on. We were supposed to get together later in the week but plans fell through. I heard from her once after that when she mailed me a letter with a photo of us someone took for us. I never heard from her again."
solemn_penguin
Plus 2
Ariana Grande Singing GIF by The VoiceGiphy"My fiancée cheated on me 2 weeks before the wedding. I shagged both of his brothers no regrets."
rowenaravenclaw0
As savage as that move is... should y'all be married?
Do you have any stories to get off your chest? Let us know in the comments below.
Redditor unripenedboyparts wanted to hear about the horrors we've all been witness to, so they asked:
"What is the creepiest thing you’ve seen in the woods, or in the mountains, or in deserts, or caves, or in small towns, or in big cities, or in hotels, or in remote or rural areas, or while asleep, or home alone, or while on large bodies of water, or while on an aircraft or a nautical vessel?"
I don't camp.
I don't hike.
I don't do wilderness.
And this is why...
Textures
Life Smash GIFGiphy"Coming out of anesthesia from open heart surgery, every time I closed my eyes I could see a perfectly formed brick wall inches from my face. I could see the texture of the bricks through the paint, the mortar, all in perfect detail. Every time I changed rooms, the wall would change colors."
GlobalPhreak
The Wolf
"I was up north. Far North British Columbia, Canada working in a (oil) rig camp out in the woods. I was working as a cook, I went out one afternoon for a smoke on the back deck. It was about 2 o'clock n the afternoon. It was a very quiet, still winter day. It was snowing those kind of big snowflakes that make it look like the world is moving in slow motion."
"So as I was standing there smoking, just staring off in the distance not looking at anything particular... you know looking left right, up down at my feet whatever. I felt something looking at me. Then I looked straight ahead. About 30 feet or less in front of me was the tree line of the forest, and directly in front of me in-between two trees I see the most gigantic wolf I have ever seen."
"This thing sitting looked like it was the size of a man standing. It was massive, sitting there and just staring right at me. We locked eyes, then I looked away for a split second and then looked back and it was gone. I don't know, it just gave me the weirdest feeling. It was definitely like, "hey.. I see you, I could eat you... butttt I won't, k byeee"
"Something I'll always remember."
vatersgonnavate
It’s absolutely unnerving...
"I live in a really remote part of Alaska. I think the scariest thing I’ve ever encountered is how silent the woods/tundra can be in the dead of winter. I’m talking like 'I feel like I am about to go insane' quiet. It’s absolutely unnerving. I become hyper aware of my heart beat and my breathing sounds like a f**king airplane taking off."
"And I know a lot of people will say 'it’s because a predator was near by' nah man, some places up here just have nothing. That’s what really freaks me out. I am absolutely alone in this one spot. I could drop dead and no one would ever find my body."
idontcareilikedogs
The Sow
"I rounded a corner in a trail in the Appalachian Mountains and came face to face with a sow black bear and her cub. Same situation, we locked eyes, she seemed to convey - look dude, I can un alive you in a second, but I’m not about it today so just be patient while I dig these bugs outta this hillside. I sat and watched this bear and cub for prob 20 mins at a safe-ish distance."
m0992104
Who Are You??
Video Games Gamer GIF by Call of DutyGiphy"There must be wilderness dwelling gamers out there, because I found a pile of xbox games in the mountains. Like two dozen in a pile in a remote location."
LittleBkGuy1
Those gamers are sneaky.
It Flies
David Choe Love GIFGiphy"Hallucinated a flying whale alongside the night time flight from Alberta to Ontario when I was 12. It was snow white, seemed friendly enough. Roughly the size of a blue whale."
jakebreakshow
Onto the Rocks
"It happened when me and my parents were on vacation to some place near Spain when I was still little. We went to a little beach at some coastal town where I then immediately jumped into the sea with my swimming goggles on. I then crawled on to some rocks and walked around until I noticed a crab sitting on the rocks."
"I then traversed them carefully while trying to catch it, but it kept crawling away. This continued until I then followed it to a point where the little bay I was in ended and the open ocean began. So then little me decided that it was a good idea to jump into the open water to see if there was anything cool down there. I then jumped in, and I was immediately hit with the cold temperature of actual ocean water."
"But the worst part was that even with my goggles on, I couldn't see anything down there. I was met with a giant black void. No fish, no plants, no rocks. Nothing. I then immediately turned around and began swimming back as quick as I could. And since that moment I haven't gone beyond the shallows ever again."
Successful-Seaweed12
Orbs
"This was almost a decade ago; I live in a town outside of Phoenix, AZ. It was late in the afternoon as the sun was starting to set. I went out in the backyard to smoke a cigarette and play fetch with my dog. As I was throwing the ball I noticed a small orb shoot from the ground directly into the sky."
"A few seconds later another one followed, and another, and another, and another. It didn’t stop for a few minutes. At first I thought it was a Roman candle but I just couldn’t hear but you’d normally hear them fizzing as the fly. I couldn’t hear anything. It was dead silent. To this day, I still don’t know what those were."
ThurSTIII
Appendages
"When I was a kid in the early 80's my parents had a house they rented out to people. We were cleaning it out after a set of unsatisfactory tenants and I was going through the kitchen cupboards making sure they were empty. I saw a mason jar tucked way back in the corner of one of the top shelves so I hopped up on the counter, stretched my arm, grabbed it and hopped back down. When I looked at the jar I saw a finger floating in a clear liquid. I set it down on the counter, walked out of the kitchen and called, 'Mom, I found a finger!'"
Narmer_3100
Jiggles
earthquake GIF by James CurranGiphy"I was on a fishing boat just off the Pacific coast and there was an earthquake. The water jiggled a bit as we heard a boom and a quick shake. Only time I was on water during an earthquake."
teebpix
This is why I don't fish. Not even on dry land.
Do you have any bizarre experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
