I have no idea how to be a parent. I also will never have to know as I have no plans to raise delinquents... sorry, "children" as a life goal. One of the reasons why it's never been on my bucket list is because I believe it to be a calling not designed for everyone. Now, just because it's not in my future doesn't mean I can't give an opinion or five about how to not do it wrong. There are just some obvious "logics" we can all attest to.
Redditor u/sham-da-man wanted to hear about all the times parents were just wrong but asking... What is the worst parent logic you know?A lot of parenting is in the moment action. You have to think on the fly, just be sure you're not flying off the rails. There are a few ideas that really need to be thought out before implemented. Adults really should dig into their own pasts more and review what did and didn't work for their growth.
Schitts Creek Please GIF by CBC
It's you not them...
My child is incapable of doing wrong, therefore if you have a problem with how my child is behaving, it's your fault.
Sounds like my ex gf's mom. Her son could bomb a building and she'd still find a way to defend him. Seriously dude beats his wife and she just tells her daughter-in-law to "Just don't do things that piss him off".
1 4 All...
If 1 kid did something bad everyone is at fault.
One of the many reasons I hated the Army. If there's one thing I learned there, it's that work ethic, obedience, and integrity meant nothing, so there was no point to trying.
Got out as soon as I could. Joining was the worst decision of my life.
Don't Cry
dean winters crying GIF by Mayhem
Giphy
The way to calm a crying child is to shout in their face and threaten to take things they love away. That'll work.
Cycles...
"My parents beat the hell out of me and I turned out okay, so it's alright if I beat the hell out of my kids."
You didn't turn out okay.
This is how cycles of abuse, drug addictions and other problems start. No matter what you do abuse is abuse.
See now much of that feels like a whole lot of mess. Reverse psychology should always have a purpose. You don't just play with younger brains merely because you think you can. That can cause a lifetime of damage, for everyone involved. My mother use to wash my mouth out with soap if I used foul language, now... I curse like a trucker and much of what I learned was angled at her. She could have found a few other options. The next group of people will understand.
Staying Single...
Focus on your studies, no talking to people/girls until you graduate from college!
(5 seconds after graduating college) we want grandkids, how come you don't have a gf/wife?
Oh my gosh, I can totally relate.
My parents didn't allow any of us to date while growing up, then wonder when as adults we couldn't get boyfriends/girlfriends.
They found out I was trying to date a girl when I was in middle school and, hoo, boy, got a whipping and was told I couldn't date until I was 16. When I turned 16, I was told I could only date daughters of people they knew. (Small community, and really wasn't interested in any of the "approved list.")
Messed me up so bad that I've been single my whole life, and when I do meet someone I'm interested in, I'm so freaking awkward I blow any chance I may have had.
Being on Reddit and looking back I realize I had "nice guy" syndrome. Never went to stalking people but made me realize, oh, crap, I was that guy.
Anything?
"You can grow up to be anything you want!" -I want to be a musician "Don't you want a real career? Why not a doctor or lawyer? Accountant maybe?" -but.... ok.
I had the same thing happen when I said I wanted to be an author. It's even worse when I realised that my Mum has published 2 books before.
Back when...
good for you yes GIF by Brimstone (The Grindhouse Radio, Hound Comics)
Giphy
"I didn't have computers as a child and played outside as a child. That means you gotta do that too." Yeah well medieval people threw their poop in the street, maybe we should do that too.
Forced Educations
Grew up with Indian parents and met a lot of Indian community. The below didn't necessarily happen to me, but I've seen it happen to friends.
Not giving your kids privacy and hovering over them a lot. You can't expect them to be well adjusted adults if you direct their entire lives. Allow them to make mistakes (within reason) and help them learn. Don't beat them up over mistakes.
Stop taking elementary and middle school grades so seriously. Let them learn at their own pace, support where needed, and don't make education a punishment. Don't force them to do more "homework" after school and school homework is over unless they come to you for help with a subject. Feed their natural curiosities - don't force them to sit down and memorize multiplication tables under threat of punishment. (Looking at you dad 😠).
Too Loud
Scream GIF by Originals
Giphy
I'm gonna scream at my child to do better at school - that's gonna teach him/her to see education as valuable.
Dear parents, think before you speak. "Oh look, logic I can share!" Also think about what worked for you as a child. Contradiction only breeds more chaos. That is the easiest lesson of all.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Typically, I would write an intro about my own experiences with the weird kids at school, but I WAS the weird kid in school. Not in a bad way, more like a “I had a John Waters phase” when I was 16 and everyone knew it. So like, cool-weird. At least I hope so.
Schools aren’t always so lucky to have the cool kinds of weird kids though. The spectrum of weird extends even further than that, and can sometimes end up very disasterous.
U/Imaginary_East5786 asked: What was the weirdest thing the weird kid did at school?
Let’s start with the grossest of the gross. Because why not.
Was it worth it?
peeing ralph wiggum GIF
Giphy
He heard that you'd automatically get suspended if you peed your pants at school. He wanted to find out if it was true, peed his pants, got suspended.
> Observation: 'I've heard that by peeing your pants you will be suspended'
> Hypothesis: If I pee my pants I will be suspended
> Experiment: I peed my pants and I got suspended
> Conclusion: If I pee my pants I get suspended
Uhhh what was the intention here?
He got mad that he didn't understand how to play a game at lunchtime so he started hitting and punching the nearest person to him, who happened to be me. When I shoved him away and asked him what the hell was he doing, he whipped his unit.out, charged at me and when I shoved him away from me again he started crying and ran away with his member still sticking out.
Next ones up are the lowkey (or even highkey) disturbing stories. These weird kids can get a little scary.
Boom theret.
At my middle school, someone decided to get a little attention with a good old fashioned bomb threat. Except they thought that a bomb threat meant literally writing "bomb threat" somewhere. Worse yet, they misspelled the f*ck out of it, and wrote "boom theret."
So we had to go on a brief, very awkward lockdown while the police checked the perimeter for booms.
I hope there was no overlap in the columns.
Serial Killer Halloween GIF by GIPHY CAM
Giphy
She wrote a list of all the girls and boys she wanted to kiss and murder and then casually passed it out on the playground.
2 separate lists or just the 1?
Same list 2 columns lol.
Holy crap.
Had the weird kid in high school ask the teacher to use the bathroom. She said no and this dude legit stabbed his hand with a pencil. Went all the way through then asked if he could now...sh*t was wild.
This was Pearl High School in Mississippi. This was the school Luke Woodham shot and killed his girlfriend and her friend at the school. This kid stabbed himself with the pencil about 2 months after that happened. This was late 1997.
Most of the time, however, the weird kids are pretty d*mn funny.
Ok, but this takes a lot of skill.
Had a kid nicknamed "cheeseburger" in the grade ahead of me in high school. He got his nickname because when it was time for his class to go to lunch, he snuck into the roof and crawled his way into the cafeteria, dropped down and proceeded to steal all the cheeseburger put out for lunch. Unfortunately they caught him in the act and sent him to the principal's office.
A year later he was caught stealing a teacher's computer, and in the process of being arrested he bit the officers hand, getting him sent to juvi never to be heard of again.
Every school had the cat girl.
cat dragging GIF
Giphy
The weird kid at my highschool tied a string around his pencil case and pulled out around the halls pretending it was a dog. He still lives in my hometown. I think unemployed.
Oh also weird girl in middle school acted like a cat. She would meow and hiss at people, lick the water fountain and rub her body on the teacher's legs. In 8th grade. I have no idea where she ended up.
Mood.
Weird kid in elementary was a self proclaimed alien. Once, while waiting for the bus, she told me "On my planet we eat people like you" and proceeded to bite me. We later became friends in high school and she used to give me massages during lunch break in the quad. Just realized now she was likely tenderizing me.
I was exactly this kind of weird.
He didn't say much, but if asked, he would go to the front of the class and perform Tip-Toe Through the Tulips with all of the emotion and volume of Tiny Tim, holding nothing back.
The last I heard, he became an energy trader, made a ton of money and married well.
I can definitely relate to that last one. In middle school, my English teacher would let me go to the front of the class and perform monologues or songs from Broadway musicals. Weird, but that’s what happens when schools cut funding for the arts and the theatre kids have no outlet.
As long as you’re not hurting anyone, I say let your freak flag fly, man
Those who work behind bars meet people from all walks of life and hear a variety of unusual anecdotes.
I never worked as a bartender, but I know they get an earful from babbling patrons who have had one too many to drink.
Curious to hear about the wild life stories shared at bars, Reddit xXSlimi_Gacha009 asked:
"Bartenders of reddit, what was the weirdest/craziest thing you have overheard while making someone's drink?"
Attention Seekers
Patrons say the darnedest things.
Bobby
"The first restaurant/bar i worked in I was only serving but I frequently was in the section right next to the bar. One day I was busy serving a large group, but the restaurant was mostly empty and a guy behind me at the bar said 'you wanna pet my parrot?' my initial reaction was the same as if a stranger had just come up behind me and touched my shoulders but when I turned around... It really was a guy with a parrot on his shoulder. The parrots name was Bobby and yes both me and the bartender pet him 😂"
– Midiblye
Sales Pitch
"I was tending bar during an extremely busy happy hour. The place was mobbed and super noisy. Suddenly, a guy sitting at the bar stands up and announces 'Ladies and gentlemen of the bar, I represent the Acme meat company and we carry a full line of high quality...'. The entire bar goes silent while he continues to do his sales pitch at full volume. For some reason he decided that this was a great time and place to hustle up some business. My manager sprinted over to him and told him knock it off and that kind of thing wasn't allowed in here. So he sat down and resumed drinking."
Favorite A**hole Bartender
"Regular of mine who I hadn't seen in awhile was sitting at the bar when I came in for a shift change."
"I came in the back way and noticed he had crutches leaning against the bar."
"Recently in the news someone hadn't had their shotgun properly secured in their truck and it went off..."
"So I jokingly say, 'you're that f'king idiot who blew off his leg arent you?'"
"The whole bar gets quiet and everyone is mean mugging me."
"My regular starts laughing..."
"Yeah, it was him. I had no idea. I didn't apologize, because as his favorite a**hole bartender those comments were expected of me."
"Poor guy was only 20 couple and blew his leg off close to the hip. No idea how he survived."
Murder Plot
"I was a bartender for about two weeks (filling in for a relative who owned a bar and went on his honeymoon)."
"I heard a guy talking to a woman about murdering her husband. I called the cops, but these patrons were gone before they showed up. This was before cameras, so I just gave my story and that was it."
"Not long after, my uncle calls me saying the cops are looking for me. They interview me about the couple. Apparently, the guy was a hitman for hire and the woman was trying to get some insurance money. She got busted."
"It was actually an episode of 'Forensic Files' back when that was on TV. I remember watching the episode and they said something like 'the couple was overheard discussing the murder in a bar.' I was kind of upset that they didn't mention me. Lol. I was hoping for, 'The awesome bartender overheard them, but couldn't really tell us much. He also pointed at the male in the photo lineup and asked 'Is this him?' as if he was unsure. What a f"king dope.'"
"Edit 1: I spent half of the day reading the descriptions of every episode that's streaming on Netflix and watching the ones that seemed relevant. I didn't figure it out and I'm sorry, but I just don't know which episode it was. I recorded it on a VHS tape years ago, but don't know where that is either. I'm moving, so if I come across it, I'll edit this and let everyone know which one it was."
"Edit 2: As I recall, the hitman wasn't a professional by any means. I think the episode said he was just a local junkie who'd pretty much do anything for his next fix."
– Myzyri
Extremely Random
The following conversations were undoubtedly head-turners.
Poop-Blocked
"From a woman to her friend, 'I don't know about you but I just can't poop in a pink bathroom.'"
Proud Pecker
"Someone was boasting about his 'Very small penis! VERY TINY! LIKE MICRO!' he proceeds to lower his pants and show it to his friend 🤷♀️"
Couples
Passions are inflamed where alcohol is in the mix.
Ferris Wheel Payment
"A married couple in their fifties arguing how they were going to explain the fact they couldn't pay the remainder of the 3 million euro bill for a Ferris wheel they'd ordered 18 months ago, already put a million deposit on, and who's collection was due at 8am the following morning."
That's Amore
"Man and woman is sitting at the bar. She starts crying and says 'I just want us to have something special'. The guy looked her dead in the eyes and said 'we do have something special, we have sex. We are both married'. 10 minutes later they are making out and she's rubbing him over his pants. I loved slow Wednesdays."
I'm a cheap date.
So whenever I'm halfway through my first – and usually ONLY – glass of cab sav at a bar, I know I'm talking in a stream of consciousness and volunteering embarrassing personal information.
Once, I confided to all the patrons and staff at a bar in Barcelona, France, about my embarrassing college experience. And I apparently gave a wild performance when the DJ played Prince's "Kiss."
I'm still searching this subReddit to see if any of the comments might be referring to me.