A lot of parenting is in the moment action. You have to think on the fly, just be sure you're not flying off the rails. There are a few ideas that really need to be thought out before implemented. Adults really should dig into their own pasts more and review what did and didn't work for their growth.
Schitts Creek Please GIF by CBCIt's you not them...
"My child is incapable of doing wrong, therefore if you have a problem with how my child is behaving, it's your fault."
X_PRSN
"Sounds like my ex gf's mom. Her son could bomb a building and she'd still find a way to defend him. Seriously dude beats his wife and she just tells her daughter-in-law to 'Just don't do things that piss him off.'"
LightningEdge756
1 4 All...
"If 1 kid did something bad everyone is at fault."
WatsonzKamikaze
"One of the many reasons I hated the Army. If there's one thing I learned there, it's that work ethic, obedience, and integrity meant nothing, so there was no point to trying. Got out as soon as I could. Joining was the worst decision of my life."
Don't Cry
dean winters crying GIF by MayhemGiphy"The way to calm a crying child is to shout in their face and threaten to take things they love away. That'll work."
The_Cybermonkey
Cycles...
"'My parents beat the hell out of me and I turned out okay, so it's alright if I beat the hell out of my kids.' You didn't turn out okay."
bigtimejohnny
"This is how cycles of abuse, drug addictions and other problems start. No matter what you do abuse is abuse."
Tactical_Gam3r
See now much of that feels like a whole lot of mess. Reverse psychology should always have a purpose. You don't just play with younger brains merely because you think you can. That can cause a lifetime of damage, for everyone involved. My mother use to wash my mouth out with soap if I used foul language, now... I curse like a trucker and much of what I learned was angled at her. She could have found a few other options. The next group of people will understand.
Staying Single...
"Focus on your studies, no talking to people/girls until you graduate from college! (5 seconds after graduating college) we want grandkids, how come you don't have a gf/wife?"
StangAce
"Oh my gosh, I can totally relate."
"My parents didn't allow any of us to date while growing up, then wonder when as adults we couldn't get boyfriends/girlfriends".
"They found out I was trying to date a girl when I was in middle school and, hoo, boy, got a whipping and was told I couldn't date until I was 16. When I turned 16, I was told I could only date daughters of people they knew. (Small community, and really wasn't interested in any of the "approved list.)"
"Messed me up so bad that I've been single my whole life, and when I do meet someone I'm interested in, I'm so freaking awkward I blow any chance I may have had. Being on Reddit and looking back I realize I had "nice guy" syndrome. Never went to stalking people but made me realize, oh, crap, I was that guy."
ozarkbozark
Anything?
"'You can grow up to be anything you want!' -I want to be a musician 'Don't you want a real career? Why not a doctor or lawyer? Accountant maybe?' -but.... ok."
RickyGrntor
"I had the same thing happen when I said I wanted to be an author. It's even worse when I realised that my Mum has published 2 books before."
toitnups1111
Back when...
good for you yes GIF by Brimstone (The Grindhouse Radio, Hound Comics)Giphy"'I didn't have computers as a child and played outside as a child. That means you gotta do that too.' Yeah well medieval people threw their poop in the street, maybe we should do that too."
Granulous
Forced Educations
"Grew up with Indian parents and met a lot of Indian community. The below didn't necessarily happen to me, but I've seen it happen to friends. Not giving your kids privacy and hovering over them a lot. You can't expect them to be well adjusted adults if you direct their entire lives. Allow them to make mistakes (within reason) and help them learn. Don't beat them up over mistakes."
"Stop taking elementary and middle school grades so seriously. Let them learn at their own pace, support where needed, and don't make education a punishment. Don't force them to do more 'homework' after school and school homework is over unless they come to you for help with a subject. Feed their natural curiosities - don't force them to sit down and memorize multiplication tables under threat of punishment. (Looking at you dad 😠)."
ThatIndianBoi
Too Loud
Scream GIF by OriginalsGiphy"I'm gonna scream at my child to do better at school - that's gonna teach him/her to see education as valuable."
FatalK00kie
Burn through it...
"The is the ultimate answer. My mom thinks she can just burn through my dad's life savings (he passed) because she wants to live a life of Luxury she didn’t earn. She has nowhere close to enough to live how she is for the next 10 years. Her solution is for her 'kids' to take care of her when she needs help. Oh, and she also cancelled her life insurance policy the week after he died as well."
doyouhaveanypaper
Memories
"I don't remember it, that means it never happened and you should just let it go."
TheGemli
"My mom does this to me all the time, to this day, and I’m 28. She’ll say she doesn’t remember and I’m making it up if I don’t give her an exact example. But then she’ll ask me to remind her of things or he’ll her recall something because I have 'such a good memory.'"
WitchyWeebOfMidwest
Conversations
“'You say anything that means you’re talking back' talking with parents isn’t an easy thing to do, and they wonder why we don’t conversate."
TruelyAlienic
'living under my roof'
"To be honest there is some truth to the 'living under my roof' quote. I mean there are certain rules in a family that apply to every member, since a family is a small community. It gives structure and makes life easier for everyone. When I was still living with my parents there were rules which I didn't like as a teen, I doubted and at times challenged them."
"When no amount of conversation would convince me, my parents would say that this was their house and their rules. As long as I was living there I needed to follow them. To me that's fair enough. As long as those rules are within reason. Having my own family now, we have our own rules."
allpasswordstaken_
No Girl
No Way Beer GIF by BuschGiphy"My mom thinks she can do, or say whatever she wants to me, my wife, and future children. Because she gave birth to me and I need to structure my life around her needs, edit myself to accommodate her bad behavior. As well as apologize to myself for misunderstanding her devotion and hard work at all times. And always agree with her."
In or Out?
"'Why don't you go out more often. You have no friends and you absolutely social skills etc. Be a normal child, not a shut in freak.'"
"me goes out, socializes with people..."
"'You don't study anything. Instead of engaging in your moronic discussions and philosophy crapping with your friends, do something productive."
CrnaZharulja
No "Good" Deed
"Kids should be quiet and just follow parent commands with no questioning to be a 'good kid.' Blind loyalty is garbage and teaches bad lessons... I'd hope to have kids who to some degree disagree with me and argue their side of an issue so we can come to terms we agree on."
big_nothing_burger
I need to talk...
the office therapy GIFGiphy"That sh*t my mom pulls where if I mention I want therapy but we don't have enough money. She says 'It's not about money, it's about getting you there,' but then, when I mention therapy WITHOUT mentioning money, she's all 'Well, how do you expect to pay for that?' I think she just wants me to be f**ked up because she has religious trauma that f**ked her up as a child."
WitchWhoLovesTacos
I had to stay in
"One time I was entering high school and finally making friends for the first time. I was going out every night and having so much fun. The weather had just begun to turn nice and the days longer (spring) and I was about to head out again for the night. My mom stopped me and told me I couldn't go."
"I demanded an explanation. 'You've been out every night, you have to stay home tonight.' I had to stay in. No reason except I'd been out too much. Did she even talk to me or spend time with me? LOL no."
lazarus870
Dear parents, think before you speak. "Oh look, logic I can share!" Also think about what worked for you as a child. Contradiction only breeds more chaos. That is the easiest lesson of all.
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