SPOILERS: Cats are weird. Who knows what goes on inside their mind? Definitely not their owners, who might walk around their house late at night and hear the soft rustle of their cats launching an all-out assault on a loose dryer sheet. However, it's a point of pride for cat owners to finally catch their kitties in the act, doing something weird, so they can take to the internet and share it with people.
Reddit user, u/TakeToTheSkys, wanted the most curious cat stories when they asked:
Cat owners of reddit, whats the weirdest thing your cat has done?
Taste It. Taste It Good.
I have had too many cats over the years, so I'll put one my newest, Dobby the Housecat, here.
He likes to sleep with me, preferably on my legs or snuggled up close to face. He also happens to wake up before I do and tries to wake me up to let me know he has to be fed.
Apparently, I had been sleeping with my mouth open and I woke up to Dobby, his whole front paw in my mouth and he's giving me the most evil of cat glares. I was two hours late for breakfast.
That's A Cat Toy None Of Us Considered
I used to have a cat that had an obsession with chinese food.
The amount of times she trotted along with an egg roll she secured was too numerous for me comfortably admit.
If The Cat Was German It'd Be "Gesundheit!"
Every time I sneeze, my cat comes out from wherever he is and meows at me with concern.
I choose to believe he's meowing "bless you".
When I Want In, I Want In Now
Walked to the end of the driveway, turned around, then ran as fast as he could to the front sliding door, launched himself at the flyscreen and used the momentum in the swinging weight of his body to slide the door completely open and walked on in like the MF boss he was.
I Just Want To See It Hit The Corner
My kitten will wait for me to turn on my computer after work so he can watch my moving background I have, and looks at me when I open chrome or something if hes still watching the background
What A Power Move.
He meows for attention and only stops if I pick him up and carry him around.
I've had to learn the difference between his "I'm hungry" meows and his "I need attention" meows and his "I don't need anything, I'm just messing with you" meows.
A Continuing Trend Of Oddities
I had a few cats over the years.
Cat 1: If you are leaving for a trip she will sit on your suitcase for hours to try and prevent you from leaving.
Cat 2: He clawed a towel and ended up getting all four of his claws stuck in it. Moments later he was wrapped in the towel crying pathetically because he failed to get free.
Cat 3: When I worked evenings he would sit on the couch near the front door waiting for me to come home. As soon as I walked up the porch he would curl up and pretend that he is asleep.
A Lot Of Craziness All At Once
What's the weirdest thing my cat has done? Let's see..... He's jumped into my drop ceiling a few times, once in the middle of the night, while I was sleeping. His favorite thing to do after we refill his water jug is to jump on top of it, and then jump down quickly to make it gurgle.
He doesn't let anyone but me touch his collar. He follows me around the house, while I mow the lawns, going from window to window to window. He figured out how to open the pantry's pocket door by jamming his arm under it, and moving it to the side.
We have a dog food feeder for the cats in the house, and the cat food doesn't work so well, so we have to shake it to get it to fill the bowl. But because we often forget, and some times there's at least a 4 hour period of time when no one is home, he figured out he could take his paw, and drag out enough food to eat. He's not the strangest cat my family has had, but he is the current strangest cat in the house.
Irrational Hatred
She's obsessed with hair ties.
She loves to fling them across the room and chase them. She be sound asleep and the second I take my hair out she's eying the tie up. Sometimes she'll even start batting at the back of my head when the tie is still in my hair.
Love Those Smelly Pits
Late to the party. My cat is obsessed with my fiance's BO.
She will dig at him until she can get her whole head into his armpit when he's sweaty and rub her face all over it before falling asleep like that.
You Deserve To Drown
He dunks his favorite toys in his waterbowl.
One time he dunked a squeaky mouse in it and caused the thing to not stop squeaking until the battery went out.
Strange To Take An Anti-Bread Stance
Well my cat Sarah had a weird phase in her life where she would beat the sh-t out of any bread products we brought into the house.
She wouldn't eat the plastic, she wouldn't eat the bread she would just shred entire loaves while they were still in the packaging. (and she would only do it on bread still in the pack.) We had to start hiding bread if we didn't want it reduced to crumbs. This phase stopped just as suddenly as it started but In all my life I've never seen such a strong hatred for bread.
Sharing Is Caring
She used to love a little Tigger toy. Carried it around all the time.
One day I found it alone with its face in the food bowl. So cute she shared her food.
Fruit Fanatic
Woke up in the middle of the night and went down to get a glass of water. Found my cat Dean sitting on the kitchen table licking a watermelon.
Another time I ate some sort of breakfast involving fresh fruit, including bananas. Left bowl of fruit on table, later returned to find my cat Sinatra sitting there with the banana slice stuck on the middle of his forehead. Idk how it got there, everyone denies placing it there.
Olive You
The first time he found an empty olive can in the recycling bin he smelled it, puffed up and danced around it all spooked. After that we couldn't keep him away from olives.
He always wanted to lick the can or the jar.
Best Question Cat Owners Ask Themselves, "Why?"
Hates any and all love and affection of any kind unless its 3 am.
He will wake me up at 3 am just for pets.
Any other time i get nipped at.
Why
Cat-kour!
Giphy
My cat will literally parkour off of my back onto the furniture.
The first time it happened I thought my partner came up behind me and shoved me, but no.
Don't Kink Shame Her!
Took my cat, Lassie, to the vet for her annual checkup. She was high strung, did not like being touched by strangers, and hated the vet.
Knowing this, the vet's assistant held her down firmly while the vet inserted the thermometer. Except Lassie didn't resist. On initial penetration, Lassie relaxed and raised her butt into the thermometer until it was fully inserted.
Then she purred.
The vet looked at me. The assistant looked at me. All I could do was shrug and say, "I have no idea".
It connects people, ideas, senses or humor, creativity! Yes, we've got our fair share of deviants, murderers, and trashbag people, but we've also got decades of wonder to celebrate.
Newbies like to think using the internet for awesomeness is something they came up with, but the old heads are here to tell you the internet has ALWAYS been a complicated crash course in the coolest stuff ever.
So let's hop in the wayback machine and get our nostalgia on.
Reddit user ransom0374 asked:
"What do you miss from early internet times?"
So let's take that walk down memory lane, or if you're new-ish here on planet Earth, this is going to be a fun little "history" lesson.
If you're uncertain where you fall, here's a test:
"Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger..."
If you finished the song, you're probably going to remember quite a few of these...
Away Messages
"AIM away messages saying stupid stuff like 'BRB going to get some bagel bites.' "
"Don't forget to update your personal profile with Blink 182 lyrics and the initials of your school sweetheart and some ASCII. Browse for a new inappropriate buddy icon and strike up a convo with SmarterChild"
GiphyThe Unknown
"I miss the wild unknown frontier that the internet was."
"It seemed there was so much discovery to be had on the internet, and if you were good at the internet everyone thought of you as 'Hackerman' and you were like a God amongst your peers."
"It seems like there isn't anything 'new' on the internet anymore. No discoveries to be made."
GiphyThe Irony Is Not Lost On Us
"Variety. There's a popular tweet that says something like 'the internet has turned into four websites where on each one people share screenshots of the other three.' "
"I miss when you could search a term and there would be dozens of sites dedicated to it or forums especially for it. Now it's just ads, Wikipedia, and Reddit."
"Oh, and not having ads shoved down your throat every time you search a term or navigate to a page!"
"I know there were pop ups and banners, which weren't any better. But there was a sweet spot."
"There was a few years there where you could Google something and half the first page WASN'T sponsored ads that had nothing to do with what you looked up. And you could go to a website and it DIDN'T block the page with a full screen ad asking for your email to join their mailing list or save 10% on their merchandise."
GiphyFiguring It Out
"That all the webpages were just random people trying to figure out HTML."
"There really wasn't a corporate presence at all. It was just a place for people to experiment."
"You could click on a button and make a cardboard hand wave at someone's cats. You could dispense a coke from a machine in some dorm. It was dumb and fun."
GiphyEndless Learning
"The learning was endless."
"There were almost an infinite source of information from all over the world. If you wanted to find something all you had to do was search for it in Ask Jeeves or whatever and you'd find any website that had ever mentioned that thing."
"There were more than 10 different websites. And at least it didn't feel like I was being forced to sign up for a subscription after every click."
"There were so many fun, cute stores to shop. Now it feels like everyone dresses and decorates the same."
"I miss a lot of things about the early internet. I'm probably wrong, but it just felt safer than it does now?"
GiphyMaking Friends
"I was in my late teens when the internet was becoming accessible to everyone. Our one household computer was in the kitchen & facing in a way so anyone coming in could see your screen."
"I remember looking at someone's website and my Dad passing by to get something to eat, asking me if the person on the website was my friend."
"I miss those old days! The internet seemed endless & friendly."
GiphyA Base Level For Participation
"Most people were smart."
"In the early days (by far) most people on the internet were in college, either as a teacher or student. Beyond that, people had to to be in a lab or make their computer talk to a connected computer which was not so easy in the old days."
"It acted as a sort of intelligence barrier one needed clear to participate in internet things."
- tsoldrin
"Higher barrier to entry."
"I remember the fond days of SLIP and Trumpet Winsock when you had to know at least a little about tech to get on and participate."
"There was still stupidity, but it just wasn't as loud as it is now."
- dramboxf
"In the very very early days, pre-AOL, you needed skill and knowledge to get online."
"Then AOL came onto the scene an d anyone could get online at the push of a button."
GiphyGo Away Now
"I miss when what happened on the internet, stayed on the internet."
"You could turn off the beige box and go about the rest of your day without it affecting you."
"The fact that is only existed on a big computer in the house, as long as no-one was on the phone. It wasn't some all-encompassing thing."
- dienices
"The internet not following me around. When you logged off, you effectively put the internet away."
GiphyIt Used To Be...
"How people used to treat it."
"The internet was not just a novelty, but an amazing piece of technology that let anyone share anything. It was so wholesome and loving, with everyone still being amazed at what we could do now."
"Now? There's so many websites that are designed to make you angry and radicalize your beliefs. It's quantity over quality."
"There was a time when nobody on Reddit shared politics, when Facebook was for socializing, when YouTube was where people uploaded stuff they were passionate about."
GiphyWe Used To Love Yahoo
"Yahoo Answers"
"Yahoo Pool"
- inaclick
"I can't remember what it was called, but Yahoo had this great music video program where it showed popular artists, and some very unknown folks."
"I discovered some of my favorite artists having it play in the background all the time."
"Launchcast/Yahoo Radio. It was revolutionary for music streaming and the 1-5 star system worked really well. I preferred it over Pandora's up/down system."
GiphyOn a personal level, I want to go on record and say MusicMatch was the greatest music program in the history of life.
It just was.
I will die on this hill.
It was dopeness in all forms. MusicMatch Jukebox? Dope. Yahoo MusicMatch? Dope.
So what relics from Ye Olde Internet are you passionate about? Sound off in the comments!
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The dogs owner shared the video along with a post asking professionals to shed some light on why he does what he does.
Owner-obliviousness as they gushed about how adorable it was made the awkward even better.
The owner explained the Frenchie often makes aggressive eye contact and licks his lips while he "plays air guitar"—which is what the family calls it—and how cute & funny they all find the behavior.
GiphyThe video was the dog, casually chilling, using his paw to rub the tip of his penis while staring awkwardly at the camera and licking his lips like a pup possessed.
Three hundred and fifteen laugh-reacts—at the time that I saw it—and only three comments:
1. a vet explaining that the behavior showed in the video was the dog masturbating while making direct eye contact
2. the owner giving a simple "thank you" and
3. the admins of the group closing the comments.
So, why am I sharing this with you?
Because Reddit user Drakmamman asked:
"Dog owners of reddit, what the dog doin?"
... and so now you get this whole article just so I had an excuse to tell y'all about a furiously fapping Frenchie, 'cause somebody else needed to know about him.
I cackled for a good 20 minutes imagining the family getting all giddy about their dog "playing air guitar"—making the little air guitar meedly squeedly noises while he played, maybe even playing along thinking they're enjoying a fun little game—but they're really just been giving a hair metal soundtrack to their dogs stroke sesh.
Something tells me now the owner knows what "air guitar" really is, they're not likely to rush and tell Reddit all about how they've been gathering as a family to watch cause it's just so cute.
That's what I'm here for.
Anyway, here's the stuff other people's dogs are up to. It's not fapping—or if it is, the owners aren't telling Reddit.
Partner Preference
Giphy"Wife just came home with the baby. Dog is acting like she's been abandoned for years running up and down, barking and jumping on everything."
"They'd only been out an hour and I was with her the whole time." - Single_Goose7015
"My dog does this too when my wife comes home. Like what am I, chopped liver?" - jackof47trades
"I feel your pain. My dog started howling mournfully when my partner went back to work last week… I was right there!" - TreatOutside
"Staring at the door waiting for the only human he cares about to come home (obviously not me)" - SnarkyRedhead
Herding Cats
Giphy"Probably trying to herd the cats."
"He's a border collie mix who's afraid of goats and sheep, but even after six years of living with them he still thinks he can control where the cats go."
"He's a good boy, he's very persistent, but not terribly bright sometimes." - TokesNotHigh
"After 8 years our border collie still herds the cats, and the vacuum." - psychologicaluse28
"Big heart, small brain. I have one of those dogs too. They are the sweetest." - Technobucket
Wretched Existence
Giphy"She has flung herself flat across the bed and is playing dead, quiet except for the occasional pitiful whine. Every now and then she lifts her head up and fixes a desperate look upon me, silently begging for release from her wretched existence."
"She's a bit overdramatic about having to wear a cone. The issue is an abrasion on a toe that she won't stop licking, which is making it worse."
"I've been alternating between bandaging it and having her wear a cone. She's been consistently a drama queen." - halfinboxes
One Hour
Giphy"Staring at me because their dinner time is in one hour and they need to start letting me know that, in an hour, they need to eat...in an hour, so I better not forget...cuz they're hungry, which is why they're staring at me...and it's almost dinner time."
"Just one more hour, And they want to make sure I don't forget. Because maybe I will."
"So, they need to remind me. By staring at me. Every day. One hour before dinner." - MotherOfFred
A Little "Light" Exercise
Giphy"Mine loves light reflected off watches or phones. And loves lasers."
"It's sunny and he sees light on the wall so he is bothering me to use my watch or phone so he can chase the light. I've spent the last hour doing it."
"I even got him a cat laser toy that's automatic for him and he runs himself tired as all hell with it. But he is STILL asking for it."
"Used the laser toy also too, so he is panting dripping tongue and still wants to play more..." - boomgoon
Vicious Predators
Giphy"Last night my dogs chased down and killed a rabbit in the backyard. They are usually so gentle; this was weird and unexpected."
"I watched the whole thing helpless because it was so fast. The rabbit screamed, it was insane."
"Now, I'm watching them sleep on my couch and can't help but think they just murdered someone."
"They are just vicious predators, right here, in my house. On my couch."
"But they snuggly as f*ck. This trips me out." - Atheist_Redditor
A Problematic Princess
Giphy"We have two chihuahuas. One is a 15 year old (quite appropriately) named Princess and one is a one year old named Charlie."
"Both have their own dog beds on the couch since they are spoiled."
"When Princess is feeling particularly moody or like asserting her dominance, she will drag Charlie's bed into her bed and lay on top of BOTH of them and snarl at him if he comes close to her personal space bubble/bed mountain."
"And when we tell her she can't have both beds and put his bed back to the side, she just glares at us. Lol." - mslm90
Shoe-nanigans
Giphy"She's currently in her cage resting after her great adventure."
"She managed to get upstairs and grab a hold of one of my shoes. Not just any old shoe, but one of the shoes I am planning to wear this weekend for my wedding."
"After running around, she dropped the shoe to chew on a shirt - at which point she was cornered, and then brought downstairs."
"Pup and shoe are both unharmed and doing well. My nerves, not so much." - still_interesting23
So ... what's YOUR dog been up to lately?
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