Now, if only these people could convince their sleepwalking spouses to do the dishes!
1. I rolled over to hug him and he accused me of entering his exclusion zone, and if I proceeded I would be fired upon.
2. I used to try to wake up before my girlfriend to go to the gym. One morning I got out of bed, slipped into my shoes, opened the door and she whispered very meekly, "Sad... Cold..." I don't go to the gym very often anymore.
3. I woke up to him elbowing me in the side. Looked over and he was scratching his balls. He then reached his hand up to his nose, sniffed, and gently mumbled "my brand!"
4. She farted loudly enough to wake herself up. Then promptly told me I was gross.
5. My mom told me I once said, "Don't go to that party, they have spaghetti. It'll mess up your circuits." Honestly I have no idea.
6. My Fiance yelled out "Yeah well at least I'm not a 90's game console!"
I laughed so loud it woke him up hahaha.
7. Not funny but very sweet. My husband lost his dad when he was ten. We had traveled to a football with tons of friends and all crammed into a rented house together. My friend who had lost her husband at 27 was sleeping with us in a king bed...nothing kinky, just drunk making use of space. My husband is sound asleep and starts (continued)
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telling his dad all about how fun the day was and how much fun his brother had. At the end he said, "Wait dad...one more thing. I love ya. Okay, I know you have to go...bye." It was cool that our friend was there too as she understood loss in a similar way.
8. I got up to piss, my then girlfriend said "are you going to fight the battle now?". She was still asleep.
9. A small collection from my boyfriend:
"Laundry's here!"
"What, honey?"
"Laundry's here. Weren't you listening?"
"When will I ever get this answer out of you?!"
"Don't touch my gingerbread house again, Mum, I mean it"
A really big exasperated sigh followed by "Pants with buttons. GROSS."
"Small." - said while gently patting my face
"Are your balls sweaty too?"
"I don't have balls, honey."
"I knew it!"
Every damn night. He's a riot.
10. My SO regularly giggles in his sleep. Not any normal giggle, but like Tigger from Winnie the Pooh.
I'm a pretty light sleeper, so I'll be dozing off and all of the sudden
Hoo hoohoohoooooo
11. I had been dreaming about working in a fish hatchery ( a character in a book I was reading worked in one) and I was trying to explain to my then boyfriend how to fertilize the fish eggs. Except what I was actually saying was "pass me the sperm" 3 or 4 times while holding out my hand.
For some reason he still decided to marry me.
12. This happened today!
Took him to have all four wisdom teeth removed this morning. Towards the end, he asked the dentist if he could go to the bathroom. I walked him there. When he finished washing his hands, he looked at me, still 100% numb in the face, and said (Continued)
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When he finished washing his hands, he looked at me, still 100% numb in the face, and said "chubby bunny".
13. I used to sleep walk and sleep talk a lot during Middle School. My mother got into a habit of video-taping all my sleep walking/sleep talking adventures for the fun of it. One day she showed me a video of me walking aimlessly to the living room, where my mother had a group of 10-ish friends over for a book reading club. I stopped at the edge of the room and stood there for 2-3 minutes while my mom video taped me. Before leaving, I waved my hand in an arc over my head, said in a regal tone "Death to all of the villagers", and went back upstairs.
14. I sleep walk all the time, go to the toilet, grab drinks etc. come back naked no idea how. But one night my girlfriend woke me up shaking me as I was stood on the end of the bed (raised up foot post end) and I was moving my hands crystal ball style around the unlit light bulb on our ceiling say "isn't it beautiful" then whenever she was trying to stop me I was saying "ssssshhhhh... don't touch it, it will fly away"
15. A few weeks ago I fell asleep on the couch while my boyfriend was playing video games on our laptop in the bedroom. Apparently I walked into the bathroom turned on the hot water in the sink and filled a cup, then walked into the bedroom and asked how his game was going. He said he was getting slaughtered. I laughed said "it's about to get worse" and threw the water at him.
16. I said to my fianc in my sleep: "I love you because you have such long antennae."
17. My ex talked a lot in his sleep and had recurring dreams. He was the "Owl-slayer", a superhero in them because he hated owls. I always knew when he had his superhero dream because he would (Continued)
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I always knew when he had his superhero dream because he would start to hum the theme tune to "Dallas", that was the superhero's intro and he would keep mumbling "Die stupid owls." and "There's another one of the winged bugger" etc. It was hilarious.
18. My girlfriend woke up to find me in my underwear, with the vacuum steering it back and forth over the carpet, not even on, electrical cord still wound tight, just vacuuming.
19. A boyfriend said in his sleep "I love you Mary Margaret". It was the name of his parents' pet duck, which had recently disappeared.
20. My mum, after falling asleep on the couch.
Mum: "We'll need to find a replacement..." Me: "for what?" Mum: "Your sister"
21. This is not my story, but my ex-girlfriend's. She was sleepwalking once and woke up in her living room, only to look out of the backdoor straight into the eyes of a man (Continued)
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trying to break in. Needless to say she did not sleep well for a couple of months.
22. Husband: I don't want any tater tots from you. I can get tater tots from anyone on the damn street.
23. She sang "Captain, why you such a lovely fellaaaaaaa" and elbowed me in the throat.
24. When my girlfriend is asleep I'm able to have full blown conversations with her. One night I asked her what she thought of her fellow classmates and she commented about how this one guys hair made him look like a Chia pet. I laughed so hard I woke her up. When I told her about it she said, "But he really does look like one!"
25. My friend Heather regularly talks in her sleep. Her partner, Luke, records it and will gladly play it for friends. Once Heather was dreaming about motorcycles and explained she had a special motorcycle made from potatoes. Luke asked "What does your motorcycle sound like?" Heather replied "IT'S A POTATOCYCLE! IT GOES POTATO POTATO POTATO"
26. My wife and I had been dating for about a year when I took off my tee shirt and offered it to her as armor. Apparently, I told her that "the land is rife with (Continued)
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Apparently, I told her that "the land is rife with beasts." I woke up shirtless, so I believe her.
27. Was still awake working when my boyfriend sleep talked "I'm going father the kittens"
28. It's me, I'm the sleep talker.
"No no I can't help, the giant chickens! There are giant chickens!"
"I have to enjoy the go-karting first. Sorry."
The 'worst' incident was when I was a young child, though. I'd had a bad fever, stayed in all day playing Sonic 2 on the Mega Drive, and went to bed.
I started sleepwalking at 3am, SOAKED in blood from a nosebleed. I silently got into my parents room, stood inches away from my dad trying to wake him up... and when I finally did, I started screaming that the "red man" was going to get me, and kill me, all while sprinting full tilt around this tiny room.
My dad confessed years later that he'd never been so scared in his life; he'd watched The Shining earlier that day, so a tiny kid in a dressing gown coated in blood kinda messed with him.
29. Ex-wife once screamed "but the tacos aren't free dude" Then another time "the cats pepperoni slid off the tree, I repeat, the cats pepperoni has slid off the tree."
30. Another one : husband.
He sat up in the bed, shook me and told me : "the spiders ! I saw them ! They are under the bed, and they are huge !!" And then he fell asleep again immediately.
I... not so much. I'm arachnophobic, and didn't sleep at all anymore that night.
Redditor BarooTangClan wanted to compare notes on all the entertainment we've said "that's enough" to.
"What will make you instantly stop watching a movie or show and why?"
I hate bad acting, writing, storytelling... I hate bad anything.
Stop Jumping
Fight Scene GIF by Operation FortuneGiphy"Fight scenes with a million visual cuts. Gives me motion sickness. Contrast the absolutely masterful work in John Wick. long cuts, realistic use of weapons (mostly), 100% skill."
StabbyPants
Louder
"When the actors whisper the whole movie and you have to crank the volume to hear what's being said - but the soundtrack or some other misc noise starts blaring at a higher volume directly after."
Blaze*itch
"I basically had to watch Stranger Things up in my attic with the windows and doors closed. I was worried the neighbors would think something was wrong or be annoyed if I watched it downstairs in my single family home. It was ridiculous."
ForecastForFourCats
"spice things up"
"Love triangles out of no where in a second or third season to 'spice things up' because studio writers are hacks and their idea of relationship drama is 'potential infidelity' at all times. It's the most tired trope on the go**amn planet and the second I see it rear its head I dip right the hell out."
amalgamas
"The whole concept of a love triangle to begin with an incredibly juvenile. Any healthy functioning adult who found themselves in a love triangle would soon choose to find themselves single."
Ouch_i_fell_down
Save your lips...
"When couples in a movie/show have a fight and one of them instantly goes to a friend and end up kissing her/him after talking for 5 minutes. I cringe so hard i turn it off and never watch it again."
Dry-Mycologist3966
"This pissed me off so much in Manifest. Girl is desperate to get back her ex-fiancé, he finally breaks up with his wife to get back with her and she's like 'nah, it's not fair to your wife, let me do this other dude I just met through a calling and be pissed at you for being jealous.' Michaela was the worst and everyone acted as if she were a saint the entire time."
gingerisla
Talk to Me
In Love Flirt GIF by OriginalsGiphy"Shows where a single polite conversation could fix everything."
Horror_Librarian_133
We are going overboard with the witty repartee. Talk normal...
Shut Up
Scared Home Alone GIF by FreeformGiphy"Annoying main character, especially if it's a kid."
abananation
"Kids who have a quippy, sassy retort to everything, and everyone just kind of crumbles before their wit."
CarpetPure7924
Speak Good
"Shows where kids in high school talk like they are 30 years olds who have done everything, been everywhere, know it all and use a ridiculously flowery and extensive vocabulary in every conversation. Like, have any of these writers ever been to high school? Literally no one talks like that. Even worse is when, in addition to this, all the adults talk normal or are just plain stupid, like so weird parallel universe."
StretchArmstrong74
Nonsense
"If the movie is too dark. Not graphic, just literally dark. I lose all sense of intensity in dark scenes and I'm not straining my damn eyes trying to figure out what the hell is going on."
TheShadowOfKaos
"I've seen about 10 percent of all DC movies recently. I've seen all of the individual films in full, just actually saw 10% of each of them."
Mortlach78
"Movies in the late 80s had a lot of dark but you could see the depth because of different shooting techniques. Now you cant see crap because its a CGI fest drowned in black color so you can't see crap because you have no depth in a scene. Compare night scenes in dark alleys in 80's movies and movies now. Utter crap show in the new ones."
Bombzey
Pay Attention Storytellers
"Bad editing would be a big one. A lot of modern horror movies can't help but edit the movies like they're trailers, with added noises to scare the audience because they are afraid the script alone isn't enough to keep people watching."
ThisIsCreation
"I remember this is where the first transformers movie lost me. When the transformers are fighting at the end, it's all a big, jumbled mess of metal and I can barely tell what's going on or who is who."
1840_NO
Drama
will devry soap opera GIF by General HospitalGiphy"When they go straight to relationship drama right away when it wasn't the selling point of the show."
LightInthewater
Do better, Hollywood. It's not that hard.
RedditorCallMehRiverwanted to hear about all the ways none of us what to leave this life.
"What Do You Think Would Be The Worst Death Imaginable?"
My list of the worst deaths is long. My imagination runs amok.
Trapped
season 6 friends GIFGiphy"For me? Being trapped in a small tube or cave (like the ones you have to wiggle through) and getting stuck to where you can’t move your arms. And all you can do is wait to die. I’m getting chills just thinking about it."
Stuck
"The more I hear about cavers that get stuck, the more I think that's a crap way to go."
- braydenmaine
"There’s a great YouTube channel called Ask a Mortician and this was her #1 worse way to die. I can’t remember the exact details or their names, but two well-known divers went into an underwater cave."
"One of them became entangled and died. Years later, his friend dives back down there to try and retrieve his body, the body itself is rotten and his head comes off and the other guy also becomes tangled and dies. Really sad."
- melancholybuzzard
A Long Process
"Believed to be in a coma but coherent through the whole 20 year process until they pull the plug."
weebeardedman
"Oh man this just reminded me of a story I read on here about a guy who lost the ability to move and speak but was completely conscious. Had to just lay there and be awake but trapped in a useless body. His family thought he was brain dead or something and he couldn’t communicate to them that he was 'all there.' Crazy"
habeeb51
Slow & Steady
"Being slowly impaled by a growing bamboo. It was a form of torture probably used by the japanese during WW2 against Allied prisoners."
JazzySocrate
"My uncle who served back in the day said that people would have the bamboo slipped under their fingernails because it would continue to grow still. It would just continue growing into the body."
Payness0826
Excruciating
"Rabies."
Santolmo
"The scariest part is that once you have symptoms, you 100% will die. A 100% mortality rate has to be a psychological torture in itself."
RonaldRawdog
"Not only that, you feel irrational fear. Your brain is literally being eaten apart by the virus and it fu*ks up everything on it. You can't drink water because it hurts you. You feel dizzy, present a fever, excessively salivate, everything hurts and it only gets worse. I'd rather take a bullet and die when the symptoms are still tolerable."
Santolmo
Why can't we all just go engulfed in calm and quiet?
Suspended
"Some pulpy sci-fi book I read a while back had one of the best deaths of this real piece of crap bad guy. Left to die in a drowning sea lab under the Antarctic ice, he freezes himself in a state of the art suspended animation pod with some kind cold fusion power source that would keep it running for millions of years."
"But he forgot to inject himself with the drug that would put him to sleep. So basically he is in suspended animation at the bottom of the Antarctic ocean while his mind is perfectly awake and conscious in a near unbreakable machine that won't run out of power for millions of years and nobody knows about it."
DubiousAlibi
No Cure
"As an RN I have always thought that the worst way to die (natural process) is ALS. Lou Gehrig's Disease."
randymn1963
"My mom and grandmother have Huntington's disease, which is essentially ALS, Alzheimer's, and Dementia combined into one really messed up genetic disease. I have a 50% chance of inheriting it and if I hit 40 and there's still no cure I can't promise I'll feel like continuing on with my life because that disease is absolutely freaking miserable."
DevTheDummy
Agony...
"Radiation poisoning."
binhan123ad
"The fact your chromosomes can be so destroyed your body basically lost it's genetic code and with it the ability to make any new cells. It's literally a 'dead man walking' and you slowly rot away in agony. Stuff is so unimaginably f**ked up."
yea_nah448
"What's also bad about radiation is that it affects your nerves and brain cells last, so you have everything in place to feel all the pain of the rest of your cells being destroyed."
nosmelc
Goo
Not Listening Season 2 GIF by The Fresh Prince of Bel-AirGiphy"I want to believe anything that slowly kills you painfully to be the worst. Such as slowly being crushed or something where the pain is beyond compare and yet not enough to throw you into shock or unconsciousness."
Beardless_Man
"Alternatively, being rapidly crushed into goo would probably be the least painful. I'm talking one of those massive industrial hammers they use for large steel work. Basically smooshed before the nerve signals make it to the brain."
Bannon9k
Now I'll never sleep again without nightmares of death.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
