They work for the Devil himself. We know that now. They call at all hours of the day and night, muptiple times a day. They are basically Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction" but in rotary form. I am speaking of sam callers and telestalkers. They must be dealt with.
Redditor u/Account__Compromised1 wanted hear some of the most creative ways be eradicate a phone pest by asking.... What's the best way to mess with a scam caller?
Need Help?
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"Detroit police department, what's your emergency?" That-One-Person2
Stay there we are calling the SWAT! Aka_Sora
Can you start over?
A couple years ago there was a scam where people would call you 3 times a day saying that you had an issue with your computer. I wasted the guy's time because he was walking me through the steps for Windows and I had a mac. So everytime I'd ask for the location of things, say I couldn't find the start menu or no I don't see an icon for internet explorer hahaha he ended up yelling at me and hanging up. They didn't call again. ktobes_
Buy Back.
Try to sell them something or do the grandma "I'm so glad you called sweetie." Leagonum
You callin' about the generator? Like the ad says, she runs fine but she's got this weird kn... no? OH! You must be calling about the above ground pool! much_longer_username
Travel.
Go to India and meet them GeraldFord210
That was a wild ride. I was seriously concerned for their well-being towards the end. Gazboolean
Let's Play....
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Do a toddler like voice and ask very immature questions....
"Do you want to play dinosaur?" "Do you like Spiderman?" "What's your favorite candy?" Etusko
BOOP!
I have a fool proof way to mess with scam callers....
I just don't answer the phone unless you are in my contact list. Reddit
In a world where you own a business and it's tied to your mobile phone.... you learn to listen for the "boop" sound when an agent connects. Account__Compromised
Me Time.
What's so important that I have to suddenly stop masturbating? BigMilk0
I answer all my calls like that. Account__Compromised
Yeehaw....
I talk really slow and with a strong hillbilly accent - and ask them the repeat themselves every other sentence..
Seems to work as I often get called a "sister messer" - "Whaaah? I din't get 'yall dat." wastingtoomuchthyme
Sexytime....
Flirt with them. Go maximum Thot on them. TheLastWearWoof
I tried flirting with a spam caller. He kept shutting me down and I kept asking him flirty questions. Eventually I asked him what does he do for a living? (telemarker of course)
He answered that he's a gangsta. So I dropped the flirty act and we legit for 20 minutes had an intellectual conversation about gangsters. Like gangster culture, Al Capone, El Chapo, how to survive on the streets, street respect, etc. It was hilarious and we connected on some level. squirrel_eatin_pizza
AHHHHH!!!!!
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Honestly, I just screech, make weird moaning noises, and hum the Jurassic Park theme song in the worst way possible until they hang up. Reddit
I just keep the convo going. I've been on a call before for more than half an hour just going back and forth "but what do you REALLY do?" - "Mhm, so what is it you're REALLY trying to sell me?" xxPhoenixPrincessxx
Have a BK Day!
Breath loudly into the phone and say inappropriate things. sfr0sweetie
Huuuhhh, huuuhhh, there's no calories in a Burger King rodeo burger, huuuhhh, huuuhhh. ItookAnumber4
Let's Chat....
I just keep the convo going. I've been on a call before for more than half an hour just going back and forth "but what do you REALLY do?" - "Mhm, so what is it you're REALLY trying to sell me?" xxPhoenixPrincessxx
Out of Nowhere....
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Just gave absolutely ridiculous answers to this girl trying to scam my car insurance. She actually said, "What is wrong with you?" at one point. to_the_tenth_power
I need to know those answers now hahah. whippedcreamcheese
The Lizards....
Whenever I get scam phone calls or phone calls from people selling me stuff, I act crazy, and say things like: The lizards are coming. Beware of the lizards. They are here. They will invade our planet in a monotonic, low voice. Lestayela
Pump Up the Volume...
I turn my computer speakers on full blast and shatter their eardrums with Godzilla roars, fart noises, screaming, obnoxious music and animal noises. invisiblebody
One was unfortunate enough to call while I was playing guitar. I put the phone next to a speaker and cranked it to 11. Oddly enough, there was only a dial tone when i picked the phone back up. greeblefritz
Hey there Lenny....
See also: /r/itslenny.
Edit for clarity: Basically it's a recording designed to sound like a senile and easily scammed elderly man. The script constantly teases that he's going to pay soon, even admitting that he's "gotten in trouble" with his caretakers for letting himself get scammed recently. But he always gets interrupted with either connection/audio problems or long tangental stories that never go anywhere.
After about ten minutes, it loops... You'd be surprised at how many people don't notice and keep trying to talk to him. Sometimes even through multiple full loops. PM_NUDES_4_DEGRADING
Dr. Evil....
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I have always enjoyed walking outside and talking softer and softer. This causes them to turn the volume on their headset up. I put on my hearing protection headphones and then they get the air horn. Routine_Condition
This is pure genius/evil. youlose999
I feel the vapors....
I once had a call from a man in India telling me I had a virus on my PC. I had a Mac, but that's beside the point
Once he said virus I started to become concerned. Actually, I became panicked. It went something like this....
"OH MY GOD, A VIRUS!!!! OH MY GOD, A VIRUS!!!! OH MY GOD, A VIRUS!!!! OH MY GOD, A VIRUS!!!! AM I going to catch it? Is is Ebola? Is it Smallpox? Is it HIV? Am I'm going to DIE? Oh no, I feel a panic attack coming on"
Then I started hyperventilating really loud into the mouthpiece. I hyperventilated so heavily that I began choking and gagging on my saliva. Real loud too.
The man from India called me a moron and hung up. wild0ats
My favorite was my step dads from like 20 years ago. You really cant plan it he was just being a fool and got lucky enough for the same guy to call twice
Phone rings and he answers. All I hear is him "Hey sorry man I'm not the homeowner I'm just here sleeping with that guy's wife" and hangs up.
Half hour later the same guy calls back and my step dad goes "Listen, I'm really sorry but I don't have the time right now. I just got home and found some guy with my wife." I have never seen him laugh so hard when he hung up and all he could mutter out to me was "It was the same guy!!!" He says the guy got super panicked and kept apologizing. I tell that story at least annually and can't wait to do it myself some day. Olorin919
Dearly Departed....
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I have a friend who answers unknown numbers like:
Friend: "Brixton mortuary, hello?"
Caller: "Could I speak to Anne Goodman please?"
Friend: "Is that the name of the deceased?"
Always gets the funniest, most awkward reactions. purplescallywag
That kind of thinking, however, does little to keep us from feeling dejected for days on end.
Curious to hear from heartbroken strangers on the internet, Redditor whitecheeks-24 asked:
What's your sad love story?
Death never comes at the right time.
A Difficult Decision
"The love of my life and soulmate who I was married to for 20 years and together for 24 passed away about 8 months ago. I feel alone and empty inside. I have nobody to love or to love me. My life is an empty waste of space now."
"I took her off of life support because I know that's what she wanted and I had to respect her wishes but I sometimes wish I was a little more greedy. I just want my doll face back."
Deep Despair
"I am so sorry. I had to do the same thing with my love, married 40 years. It's been 28 months and I'm sinking deeper into despair. We had so many plans, did everything together, and I am honestly lost without him. I send you warmest regards."
The Shy Admirer
"I was a shy teenager, in love with a cute neighbor. His sister and my mom were friends. He died in a car accident. Nobody knew how I felt about him. I overheard his sister tell my mom that he was in love with me. We never got to share our feelings with each other."
The Illness
"I think a guy I found on match.com died but I have no way of knowing. We had only been dating for 2 or 3 months and we were taking things slow. Then he got sick..tumors in his back and he needed surgery. We still hung out but he was in a lot of pain."
"At the time I was frustrated because I felt he was pushing me away. I just adored him and he was sending mixed messages. Now looking back.. I'm thinking he was just trying to survive. He went in for surgery and I never heard from him again. I didn't know his family and he didn't have social media."
"My mom would check the obituaries in the paper for me and I just always wondered. I hope he didn't know how to end things and just felt this was easier. It's been 5 years and I have a family of my own now but Michael..I hope you're okay."
It's hard for these Redditors to accept the fact their love was never meant to be.
Long Distance Fizzle
"I had to leave my first boyfriend behind because I moved out of state and didn't even get to say goodbye because I didn't know we were moving when I left. We left to see my aunt who had been traveling and was diagnosis with brain cancer in another state, she was too sick to travel home so they rented a house and stayed there essentially until she passed away."
"My mom liked the area better than my hometown tho so we ended up staying, our stuff was shipped to us so I never got to say goodbye to my boyfriend in person."
"We kept in contact for a couple years but being 16 and 18, it wasn't easy for me to just pack up and head back to move in somewhere with him. We both knew we weren't ready for that so we tried our best to keep the long distance romance going."
"Eventually he messaged me one day and told me that he can't do it anymore and he didn't want to hear from me again because he couldn't handle it."
Unrequited Love
"When I was in my early 20s, I've had a love at first sight experience. It completely broke me. He actually was into me too, but not in love like I was."
"I had never had a boyfriend before and I got so excited, I came in like a wrecking ball to cite a great poet. Long story short, I scared him off, he broke up, I couldn't get him out of my head and couldn't imagine a world without him, so I tried to kill myself."
"Though let me reassure you all, it's been years and I'm over him (as long as I don't see him IRL, I just know that I'd fall back in the spiral), I even had a long-term relationship after him."
Tough Reality Check
"I got left out of a 5 year relationship. I got injured, lost my job, and had to go take care of my dying mom. I was not in a good way. I come back from the ER and she calls our entire relationship off because I was not 'passionate' any longer. Right."
"My entire life fell apart. Lost the house we had gone in on. Lost the dog we had gotten together. And I lost my girl. She was my bestfriend, my first love."
"Huge reality check but at least I'm only 22. I'm glad I saw her true colors when things went bad. Easy to stand by someone when times are good. Saddest part is I would take her back in an instant. I lost a piece of my soul with her."
Some of the biggest heartbreaks come when someone shows their true colors.
Deception
"FOUND OUT MY BOYFRIEND WAS MARRIED WITH KIDS ON THE INTERNET. I was happy and in love for two years. One day while doing my research for a client work, I come across a research paper. The research paper matched what I was looking for, scrolling through it, I realized the owner had some names as my boyfriend."
"But this time he acknowledges his wife and two children for being patient with him as he was busy doing the thesis. I got curious, I took a screenshot and sent him a picture and asked if it's his paper."
"Also, I asked if it's true that he has two kids and a wife and he why didn't tell me. He answered 'DOES IT MATTER '. That was the end of my relationship. Never talked about it, never told any soul what happened."
– MURKOMEN
Heartbreaker
"I finally got with my best friend and soul mate. He knows more about me then anyone and knows what I've been put thru my whole life. When we first got together he promised he would never do anything to me that others have."
"One year later he cheated, lied and and broke my spirit. Something i never thought was possible with me, yet he accomplished it. It's been a year since i left him and he still tries to get back into my life. The sad part is I know he doesn't love me and I can't stop loving him."
Ungrateful
"After four years of supporting my lover through his depression and alcoholism, he announced tonight that he is leaving me. I'm pretty depressed."
A Devious Scheme
"Wife moves our small family across the country for a promotion at her company. When we arrive and settle into our house, she leaves me for her boss."
"The move was a scheme for her boss to leave his wife and kids, and for her to leave me, while being able to be close to all their children. So I unknowingly left my career, family and friends behind to move to a state where I don't know anyone so she could be with her new guy."
Unexpected tragedy will always be, to me, the saddest break up story.
A co-worker of mine used to date a young man who was a patron at the store where we both worked.
Their budding romance was new and exciting and absolutely adorable to watch.
He told me he planned to propose to her before he went away on a family vacation, but sadly, my friend never got the proposal. The guy drowned in a horrible boating accident during his trip.
Although my friend is now happily married with two kids, I wonder if she still thinks about him.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/Want to "know" more?
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I swear if every single person was forced to work in the hospitality industry for at least one month in their life, y'all would be beside yourselves. The amount of craziness and laziness could keep you eating at home for every meal until death.
Play Big
martin scorsese casino GIFGiphy"Casino dealers really do want the players to win. We don't work for the house. We get paid crap hourly rates and rely on tips. Unless the player is super nice they only to tip if they win so we really do want you to win." ~ thedevilsgame
Not the Good Stuff...
"That you can take a gallon of paint and give it a different label, price point, and warranty depending on the store it is sold in." ~ big_d_usernametaken
"My professor told me the same thing. He was a job coach and erased the due dates on food products with I believe acetone or some product in nail polish remover."
"Would slap a new date on it, and the food would get shipped to poorer neighborhoods. That crap blew my mind." ~ Additional_Bar_2013
"Oh crap, I may actually go to jail."
"That if everyone being charged with a crime insisted on it going to trial, no plea bargaining, the system would crash." ~ mikenyle
"When I was a juror, the judge also commented before everything started that trial by jury is the only thing causing people to plea bargain and "getting the system moving."
"Many trials sit in limbo for years, and it's only the threat of "Oh crap, I may actually go to jail."
"That really negotiations start. That's exactly what happened in my case - jurors got selected, and that afternoon (after being 2 years in the system), the defendant pleads out." ~ zealeus
Fake Care
"Safety. It's not really about your health and well being. It's about saving the company money from medical expenses, lost time, lawyer costs, etc. Very rarely does your company actually give 2 craps about you, no matter how much they preach safety, they just don't want to pay if you get hurt/killed." ~ WhenThePiecesFit
"pen to paper"
New Girl I Give Up GIFGiphy"TV/screenwriter here. If you're established and well connected, it's very easy to coast and be a TV writer for YEARS and do very little actual writing. Most of TV writing is just talking in a room with other writers spitballing."
"This is why there's so many old, unfunny dudes still "writing" on TV shows. They're hired by their friends and in TV, a lot writers don't actually do much "pen to paper" writing. Plus everything gets rewritten to death." ~ GardenChic
So much mess. Someone hire me to write for TV. Why are you just giving away jobs to unqualified people? Life is so unfair. This list makes me mad. Let's continue...
Carbon Copies
mail GIF by RabbidsGiphy"I work in the print industry, we print cheques for companies and there is so little security involved in hiring, or keeping the materials secure, or running the actual work, or shipping the work to customers. I'm shocked we haven't had a problem with stolen cheques." ~ Jeff_Cunningham
Followers
"Advertising. I keep reading that advertising is leading people to be more woke, or multicultural. Companies don't lead, they follow. They do lots of research and know where the future markets are."
"I worked for a very conservative global brand. 5 years before gay marriage became legal, they told us it would happen and we needed to start targeting the LBGTQ community." ~ leftside72
"connection"
"Visa agent and I've seen people be refused because the manager didn't like their face." ~ Ok_Albatross9395
"Omg this happened to my sister. She couldn't start her semester in time because she kept being refused a visa even though she fulfilled all conditions."
"Finally my parents found a "connection" in embassy to see what's going on; turns out someone just didn't like her when she came to give her papers the first time. I never knew if I can fully believe that story." ~ animal7239
So much typing...
"I'm a writer, among other things. I used to ghostwrite. You'd be amazed how many popular books are partly or fully ghostwritten. I specialised in taking people's crappy first drafts and rewriting them so they were actually good. Not "good" according to people's taste, which is subjective."
"But objectively better in the sense of being properly spelled, not having gaping plot holes, making sure characters were consistent. By the time I was done there was often very little left of the draft the "writer" had created, but there was a marketable product."
"Pisses me off no end when I see all the bull the publishing industry comes out with about how writers submitting a manuscript must make sure it's perfect because only excellence will get you anywhere."
"I don't know how they can say that and still sleep at night, knowing full well that they're hiring people like me to do large-scale rewrites (or to take a half-baked plot and create a draft from scratch)." ~ iwillckingbiteyou
Thieves
Joseline Hernandez Facepalm GIFGiphy"I work in payroll. The number of payroll reports I see where people are conned out of their overtime is saddening."
"Also, taxes paid by a business shouldn't actively dissuade them from paying employees less. The system shouldn't be based on paying a percentage of employee salary in taxes (FICA, Workers Comp), in other words." ~ ThongofSekhmet
I think some investigations need to be launched. I always knew payroll departments were running a scam. Too many people are being ripped off. Time to expose some people.
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