There aren't too many things that would make you go, "Man, I'd rather go to hell than be here right now. Hell has demons, torture, fire, and all the ill-prepared pizza they can shove down my throat." However, if you had to choose between these people's predicaments and hell, you'd probably be ready to have pizza for dinner.
Quora posted to its users:
"It's Just A Simple Procedure..."Giphy
"Oh, shut up! You don't feel anything."
Did he just tell me to shut up?!
Panic set in but I forced it down and shut my eyes.
I did the only thing I could do:
I began humming Stevie Nick's Edge of Seventeen as loud as I possibly could. With my mouth open.
"Uphh igh fuh unn een uvvv singg owww sssiinphh oooo aybuh oooo ayyy ooooohhh!!!"
Cracking, loud cracking was all I heard. Lots of pressure. I would open my eyes to see his face near mine, wearing a frustrated grimace through his mask.
I was having all four of my wisdom teeth pulled out at once. There was no dental assistant and I was awake for it. I had Novocain but not any sedatives. Not even nitrous oxide.
You think it would have been a little more of a cushy experience for me given it was 2002. I was 19 and a classic rock fan. Don't let Stevie fool you about the year.
My dentist had been mine since I was four, so that's why I was so shocked he said shut up to me.
At one point he had to pull so hard, he was directly over me with his right knee on my chair, using all of his strength.
In his defense, I do have big horse teeth.
I was driven home by my mother, Hydrocodone prescription in hand.
Four days later, on a Saturday, we had to call the dentist at home because I was in so much pain. Bruises were now visible all over my face, running down my neck. My swelling got so bad, I honestly resembled Mimi from The Drew Carey Show when I tried a new eyeshadow to distract from the bruising (even 2 weeks later).
His response to my mom? "Well, yeah. A root wrapped around her jawbone and I essentially had to break her jaw to get it undone". He called in some more Hydrocodone for me.
Jesus Christ. That would have been good to know sooner.
I have given birth twice. I have had an episiotomy and stitches from tearing. SO MUCH BETTER THAN WHATEVER THE HELL THIS WAS, LET ME TELL YOU! The drugs for pregnancy are wayyyy better, especially when you are given an OPTION TO HAVE SOME!
I didn't go back to this dentist.
Now when I go to the dentist, I gladly accept pill sedatives for any procedures. As you can imagine, I am a little flinchy now.
Unwanted At A Party
So, it was my elder sister's birthday . I was really excited to see her and my niece and nephew. But as soon as I walk in, it's silent.
...My sister says hi, and so does my niece and nephew. Some of my aunts and cousins say hi. But most of my family just stared at me as if I were ugly and whispered about me (I haven't met them in a year or two). I was thinking maybe it's because I got taller or maybe my hair changed or the way I dressed. I went to my other cousins, tried to say hi, but they walked away(they acted like there was an emergency or that they couldn't hear me.)
I go outside, tejano music was being played, people were laughing and barbecue cooking. Some of my cousins came up to me to say hi. I went to where all my other cousins were but they ran away like I'm a monster or a nuisance. So I'm chilling by myself and eating. My aunt says "OK everyone time to say happy birthday". So I go there and my cousin bumps me so I bump him a little bit, but he bumps me back so then I just nudged him. He walks away with his chest up and with a disgusted face.
We ate cake and one of my aunts completely skipped me on purpose even though I was right infront of her. I said "uh you skipped me" but she doesn't say anything and gave me my share of cake. I finished eating, and I'm like "I gotta get out of this place like ASAP". So I tell my sister "I think I'll be heading out, I'm kind of tired since I didn't get any sleep (I lied I slept like a kitten the night before). She said "OK bye bro I love you". I said "I love you too" and I walked out and I was gone.
That was one of the worst 1 hour and 30 minutes of my life!
Hey, Maybe Let's Not Put The Finger Under The Skin?
Anyway, fast forward past the events and the horrendous waiting time. Eventually, I was passed through. I was put under the knife, with local anesthesia. The doctor (let's call him F to preserve his identity and allow him some anonymity) told me to quit moving, even holding my badly injured leg in place to inject the anesthesia. Let me just say that the worst part (even worse than the injury itself) is the pain caused by the anesthesia. It felt like I was having corrosive acid poured over my open, profound wound.
My parents told me that I yelled so loud that the people walking on the street probably could've heard my wails of agony. My excruciating pain was, quite frankly, amplified as the doctor informed me that the injection itself did not cover the wound with anesthetic, so he decided to put another, for good measure.
At this point, I would've rather had the stitches without the anesthesia. Suddenly, without warning, F injected me with the other one, and the second wave of pain unexpectedly rolled in, and boy it was quite the tsunami! I instinctively yelled, clenching my teeth and tongue as I attempted to withstand this intense pain. Finally, it was over.
Then, F said that he wanted to show the extent of the wound to my interested parents, who were unfazed by my pleas of help.
With his plain blue rubber gloves, F stuck his index finger into the wound, like a spelunker going through a thin crevice. I thought that F's finger wouldn't go very far, but I became physically sick after F's finger slid in and kept going, like a train slowly disappearing into an endless tunnel. Finally, F stopped moving his finger, and I looked in horror as my deep wound swallowed F's finger whole. My mom yelped, "OH MY GOD! HIS WOUND'S THAT DEEP, DOCTOR?" (Note that she said this in Spanish; I saved you the pain of translating it ;)). My father left the room, probably from disgust or anxiety, or maybe both.
Then, the doctor smiled and said, "That's quite the wound. We'll have to stitch it from the inside as well."
That's exactly when I would've chosen hell...
The Trip That Never Ends
This had been a long-awaited trip.
The trip was to Central America. I'd wanted to just stay in a resort. Camp out. Relax. Do a couple of day excursions.
A balance of relaxing and exploring.
She wanted the opposite, to rent a car and travel throughout the country, and stay at 3–4 different hotels.
In the months leading up to the trip, we had so many disagreements on the vacation that my head about spun. I should have known.
But we locked it in. We managed to agree on the vacation.
The trip finally arrives.
The night before the trip she got called into work, a medical job she can't say no to. She works from 9 PM until our 8 AM flight.
I arrive at the airport. She meets me there, looking like the walking dead.
When I show up, I have all of my stuff. But when I go to get my driver's license it isn't in my wallet. I'd managed to leave it at home.
This leads to my own stressed out dig through all my bags to find my ID. Before surrendering.
This wouldn't prevent us from traveling. I had a passport. But I'd rented a car in my name. We just get on the plane. I sit. A bit rattled and concerned about the car rental.
She sleeps, head down, face planted into her airplane tray, like a tranquilized animal.
The trip was off to a rocky start.
My (then)-GF and I had been getting along OK up until this trip. But things had definitely been trending downwards.
We get there. I'm in good spirits. She's still wiped out. Unfortunately, she has to drive because I don't have my license.
We are driving on rocky 3rd world roads. It's a 2-hour drive to the resort. She has to drive because my dumbass forgot my license.
She's absolutely miserable. Too tired to be driving on these challenging roads.
Her attitude is rubbing off and wearing on me. I'm trying to stay in good spirits.
I get tired of the sulking. I tell her to pull over. I drive. If I get a ticket, I get a ticket.
Also - it is hot. Beyond hot. We aren't unfamiliar with the heat, being from Florida. But it's equatorial heat. Pressing. You can't even breathe.
She's tired. She's cranky. I'm annoyed, perhaps selfishly, about her attitude. I want her to try and cheer up.
Any issues we'd had in the months leading up to this are only boiling under the surface.
The logistics of this trip are not going to improve our stress levels.
Part of this is my fault - I should have pushed back on this plan. It was way too ambitious. I knew this type of travel was going to make me miserable too. It was too much packing and unpacking and relocating. Too much driving on roads in another country that we weren't familiar with.
We get to the nice hotel, the one I wanted to stay at for the entire trip. But got negotiated down to 2 nights in. The power is cutting in and out. There are bugs. It's still hotter than Satan's bedroom.
At some point, she and I got into an argument. I was annoyed with her attitude and complaining, which was making everything worse.
We go on a rented boat the next day. I'm having fun. She's miserable. Perhaps it's my fault. I don't know. I tried though.
2 nights later, we have to pack all of our stuff and get in the rented car and drive through several more hours of rocky winding roads. Much of it spent in silence.
At the next hotel, we get into another fight. An ugly one. She's annoyed with me. I'm annoyed with her.
Drive to the 3rd hotel. Silence.
We have a THIRD ugly fight at this hotel.
This trip was an abject disaster. Midway through that trip, I remember thinking to myself literally that I felt like I was in hell at that moment. I just wanted to get on a plane and go home.
The cities we were traveling through were extremely worn down 3rd world areas, but they still were in better shape than my relationship.
Many years ago, there was a gold rush in California. Miners often found gold, their path to wealth and never having to work again.
Their ecstatic cries of joy often came crashing down with the realization that they'd found Fools Gold.
They came up with a trick.
If the miner found what looked like gold, he would take a rag, put a few drops of nitric acid on it. Then he'd rub it on the prospect he'd found.
If the nitric acid caused the gold mark to disappear, he knew it wasn't real gold. If the gold remained after the application, he knew he had a reason to celebrate.
It's called the Acid Test.
Traveling is a pretty effective acid test for relationships. You'll quickly find how if it's real.
Best Excuses For Late Assignments That Were Actually True | George Takei’s Oh MyyyTeachers have heard every excuse in the book from students who were trying to pull a fast one. We all know the classics: 'dog ate my homework,' 'my car burst...
Take It To The Solo!
Twas' back in the day when I was 15 and had just started getting into guitar.
I had just gotten semi good at playing drums, and picked up guitar a month prior. I was good enough at drums that a friend of mine named John (not real name) decided we should perform songs together.
We did quite a few rehearsals, and we seemed like the perfect duo. A guy heard we played and asked us to play at a party, so we accepted.
Later on, we arrived at his party and got set up in the living room. I was on the drums and John was on the guitar. We had arranged to play 5 cover songs and then we'd leave.
We got set up and John took the microphone, everything seemed to be going smoothly. We played our first song, which was a cover of Dysentary Gary. The song actually went pretty well, and we were surprised how good we sounded…
Then we got to our second song
We played a cover of Heart Shaped Box, and John decided to voice crack into the microphone on the "HEY" part.
The whole song went down from there.
His guitar playing was off, his singing was off, it was basically just me playing drums and him attempting to play guitar. He just stopped playing because of how badly he was messing up.
"I'd choose hell over this" does not even account for the embarrassment us two felt.
Attempting to recover the mess up, I stood up and yelled out to the crowd.
"John can't sing!" I yelled out to the crowd, and then proceeded to go into a drum solo I made up on the spot.
After my two minute drum solo, everyone at the party applauded at me. I had just single-handedly saved the gig with a killer drum solo. John finally stopped sh-tting himself and we played the rest of our songs, which all went well.
We continued to perform gigs from then on, and now we can perform full on concerts with each other without any mess-ups (for the most part).
So if I had to give a lesson to all you 13 year old's out there who have an out of tune ukulele and want to start a band, remember to learn your instrument and remember to recover if you f-ck up
Living With People Who Hate YouGiphy
"Yeah they told me to not let you in their room. Said to keep an eye on you so you wouldn't steal their jewelry."
What? I stared at my brother who simply shrugged.
The place: My parents' home
The time: A year ago
When I was nineteen I was living with my parents and working as a waiter. It wasn't ideal but I was just content to have a roof over my head and WiFi. My parents had gone out of state to visit some in-laws, taking my sister and leaving me with my oldest brother. We were kicking it off pretty well, like any pair of brothers. About two nights in we were taking advantage of no one being around to complain about our overbearing mother. That's when my brother let that front page blurb drop.
It was as if lightning had struck my brain.
I quickly ran some analysis. I was paying $800 a month to live with my parents (I typically made $1400). I wasn't allowed out of the house unsupervised except for work. This had been an area of some serious contention. In fact I was often forced into going to religious services that I honestly couldn't care less about. There was rarely enough food in the house. When I came home tired and hungry from twelve hour shifts all I could find were cans of chili and peanut butter, stuff that had been sitting in the cupboard for months. Everything else had a huge forbidden label on it and if you touched it you were to expect fire and brimstone.
To this day I can't touch chili without nausea and I can only just tolerate peanut butter. Add onto this that I had to request permission to buy a video game console from my mom. She said no and that was that. She closely monitored my spending and withheld my debit card. Before she left she was in the process of coercing me to going to college. I was hellbent on going into law enforcement but she wanted me to become some sort of secretary. Guess who was going to win that argument. Then my mom was a whole factor of her own. She regularly banged on my door at 6 or 7 am when I wasn't working, insisting I be in bed by 10 pm. Now her paranoia led her to locking up valuables while she was away. I knew the location of the spare key. I could've cleaned her out months earlier.
I thought long and hard. I was nineteen, meaning I was just starting my life. This could not be all there was to life. I compared myself to James Bond. Did I drive super cool cars? Heck no, I couldn't have told you where the gas and brake pedals were. Was I picking up bikini clad blondes like a carpet picks up dust bunnies? Heck no, I was still crying over a girl I had known in high school. Did I know parkour\hand to hand combat\how to shoot a gun? Nope, wasn't even close to learning either.
It came over me. I had to get the f out of here. Fast. I was looking at another five or more years living with people who had beaten me up as a kid, going down a career I didn't want, my job and money under their access.
I had to ask myself some hard questions. Was I willing to lose pretty much everything I owned, be stripped down to a backpack? Was I willing to sleep on a park bench and hide from police? Was I willing to go hungry on a regular basis? I found myself answering yes to all of the above.
"I'm getting the f out of here." I told my brother. And I did. Within the month.
One year later, I'm happy to say things have definitely improved. I have my own place with roommates. I work two jobs I like, heading towards a law enforcement career. I control all my money. I submitted a novella to a publisher and am supposed to hear back from them in a week. It's in the last stages of review and I'm fairly optimistic. I've gone through some tough times in this last year but I'm happy to say that even at my worst moments I was never tempted to return. I've never regretted the day I walked out of my parents house, never to return.
When The Anesthesia Wears Off...
My boyfriend had lung surgery for a spontaneous pnuemothorax and 3 weeks into his recovery, it happened again. I got a text saying "I'm headed to the hospital, it's bad this time." and I hightailed it to the ER. Upon arrival, he was already being checked out by the doctors and they had determined that yes, his lung did collapse again.
The typical procedure consists of a chest xray, putting a chest tube in between the ribs, and then waiting for the air to get out of his chest. As they were putting the tube in, the mild anesthesia wore off (I'm assuming because his tolerance had built up since we just did this 3 weeks ago) and so I could hear him screaming as they put this 1 inch tube through his ribs to re-inflate his lung. That sound will never leave my mind. I wished I could "choose hell" then.
The surgeon was called and they said he needed to have surgery, and they got him in the day of. The surgery consisted of the surgeon going in, checking the lung to see why it collapsed, fix it, and then put another tube in for drainage. She called to tell me surgery was over, he was in recovery, and she couldn't give me any definitive answer as to why this happened again, especially so quickly. I wished I could have "chosen hell" over having to get to explain that to him.
3 hours later when we get into his room in the Heart & Vascular Tower, he's sleeping from anesthesia still, and he wakes up. I will never forget the sounds of pain that were coming from him. As the nurse came in, he asked for pain medicine, and she told him no because he was on a pain pump that allowed him to have a little bit of meds every 10 minutes. That didn't go over well, naturally. He's 5′10 and thin, and he now has a tube coming out of his side for the 4th time in 3 weeks - he wasn't even fully healed from the first time.
I went out in the hallway to explain this to her, and she was like " I don't know if he just wants pain pills, but we can't stack narcotics and so he's just going to have to deal with it. " At that point, I got angry - I explained to her in a stern tone that he had just been through a SECOND lung surgery, and he needed something for breakthrough, and that if she didn't call the doctor to ask about it, that I would. Give me a break - I understand there is an opioid crisis going on right now, but if he was just here for pain meds, we wouldn't have caused a collapsed lung.
Once the doc finally approved breakthrough meds, all seemed to be going well - until it wasn't. It started to get hot in the room, the A/C was out in the hospital and they told us it would be an hour until it was fixed. Mind you, we live in Louisiana and it is JUNE. The heat index that day was 106. Every hour on the hour from 8am until noon, we asked about the AC and what they were going to do. Once it hit 85 degrees, they FINALLY decided they were going to move us to the other side of the hospital.
Christmas is upon us. It's time to get those Christmas present lists together.
So... who has been naughty and who has been nice?
Who is getting diamonds and who is getting coal? Yuck, coal. Is that even a thing anymore? Who even started that idea?
There has to be some funnier or more "for the times" type of "you've been naughty" stocking stuffer.
I feel like the statement coal used to make is kind of last century at this point.
Apparently I'm not alone in this thinking.
Case in point...
Redditor rallfreedom wanted us to update Santa's deliveries for the children on the naughty list, they asked:
"Since Santa is old, and coal was considered worthless back in the day, what new worthless item could Santa give to naughty children in 2021?"
If you really wanted to set me off on Christmas morning, then you should leave me something personalized. Something you how I'd hate. Like a cassette tape of 80's Christian soft rock. That would make a statement of just how naughty I've been.
What a DifferenceBlockbuster GIF by Big Potato GamesGiphy
"Blockbuster gift cards." ~ GamerOfGods33
"And still no one will shop at the one franchise location still open." ~ pesto_trap_god
"AOL Internet discs... (actually getting rare these days)." ~ whorton59
"After collecting enough of those AOL discs, I just open a bottle of Tennessee whiskey and make AOL disc fish wall art." ~ ExRockstar
"I wish I still had the picture, but my friend passed onto me a photo of a chair (more like a throne, if I recall) made entirely of AOL discs." ~ PM_MeYourSmilingFace
"Outdated phone chargers." ~ TheBrotherhoods
"A correct phone charger for the device, but it only works in one very specific angle and charges the phone super slow." ~ Karl_the_stingray
"People rave about how good old Nokias were but they forget that if you went up a version like you got upgraded to a 3310 from a 3210 then all your chargers were now something like 0.25mm too small and you had to buy all new ones." ~ erroneousbosh
"We currently misinterpreted what 'naughty kids get coal' originally meant. For a poor family in December, coal was the difference between warmth and freezing, hot food and not. 'Coal' was not something mean. It was like socks, now." ~ adaza
"Exactly. If the child was selfless, they would get a personal gift as a reward. If the child was selfish, they instead would get a gift to be shared with the family, forcing them to be more altruistic." ~ MoobyTheGoldenSock
Necessities...toilet paper help GIFGiphy
"Toilet paper. Just like coal, it's something the whole house needs and will use but is going to be bought anyway. It's also consumable and practical just like coal." ~ NeverGetaSpaceship
I could still use toilet paper. You never know when society is gonna go off into the deep end again and buy it all up. Remember the beginning of Covid?
Spinfidget GIF by Future GenerationsGiphy
"Idk why but I feel like fidget spinners would be pretty infuriating to the masses of children as something that still counts as a gift but is for sure a let down & past trend." ~ mmaster42
Way back when...
"An "Introduction to Windows 95" book." ~ Actual_grass
"There's one of those package shipping stores near me that sells all kinds of miscellaneous stuff. Anything to make a buck. They have a carousel stand with laminated sheets containing tips on how to use various computer programs. Still for sale as of last week: 'Shortcut keys for Windows XP' and 'Tips for using Microsoft Word 2010.'" ~ dartdoug
"He could give kids one of the old cables that was collected over the years but wasn't thrown away because it could need it at some point." ~ CaptWeirdBeard
"I have a tupperware tote full of those things. I'll sell it to Santa for scap value of the copper. You hear that Santa? $5 and it's all yours." ~ GreatJanitor
"A rotary phone." ~ cannotbefaded
"My Grandma had a rotary phone she kept(still worked so why not) as well as having a cordless phone. Had a relative that wanted to use the rotary phone the one time just to use it instead, decided they didn't want to do that again." ~ golden_fli
"Okay, I actually like rotary phones. I was young enough to remember using rotary phones and preferred using them to touch tone phones. Only because it was fun to spin the dial and watch it spin back into place." ~ GreatJanitor
So close...ronald mcdonald mcdonalds GIFGiphy
"McDonald's toys from 2 years ago. Old enough to not be popular trends, but new enough to not be collector's items." ~ GavinSnowe
McDonald's still has toys? Who knew? And those fidget spinners, how did anyone ever enjoy those? That would set me off as well.
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I admit, I love my stuffed animals. They're the best.
Some of them have been with me for years and I have them proudly displayed in different spots around my apartment. And when I've packed them for a move, I've done so with all the tender loving care I can muster.
What is it about them that stirs up these feelings?
Believe it or not, it's quite possible to form emotional attachments to inanimate objects!
People told us all about their own feelings after Redditor MoneySquare5734 asked the online community:
"People of Reddit, what weird sympathies do you have towards inanimate objects?"
"Computers when someone's throwing a fit or tantrum over something like a game lag, buffering or general software issues. Like dude, get angry at the real cause not the hardware thats essentially just the messenger."
We really mistreat our hardware sometimes, don't we? Going to apologize to my computer now.
"I think we're okay now..."
"I once slapped my iPad when it was being slow, then instinctively hugged it and apologised afterwards. I think we’re okay now but the level of trust definitely isn’t what it used to be."
Serves you right! You have a lot to make up for!
"I have way too much emotion..."
"I have way too much emotion invested in my Roomba. Especially as I only have one charging station, so when it's running in my living room/hallway, it can never get back to base as there's a step in the way."
"Usually feel guilty when I come home and find it stuck in some corner, knowing that it literally ran until exhaustion trying to find its home."
I do not have a Roomba but my friend has one and I think he has the opposite reaction. I think he mistreats his!
"All my dollar bills..."
"All my dollar bills need to face up in my wallet, otherwise I get the feeling those Georges and Lincolns are uncomfortable."
I think I do this too. I did not ask to be attacked like this.
"If I see..."
"If I see a really ugly plush toy at a thrift store, I feel compelled to buy it because I feel like it will just get thrown away. So now I have quite a few ugly plushies. I love them."
Aww, they now have a home with you and they must be so happy!
"I guess in general..."
"Abandoned toys. I guess in general I just feel so bad for any inanimate object that is no longer serving its purpose."
How many toys end up in the dump each year, I wonder? And how many of them are plotting their revenge as we speak?
"So I transferred everything..."
"I got a new cellphone not too long ago. So I transfered everything to my new phone but I didn't turn off the old phone afterward."
"This happened late on a Sunday and the next morning my old phone still rang to wake me up and I was somewhat sad that it still thought it was my current phone and that it still had the duty to wake me in the morning."
The feelings this stirred up... I did not know it was possible to feel this way!
"I am very appreciative..."
"Sometimes I give my car a pat on the dashboard and say thank you. It has carried me so many thousands of miles and i am safe. I am very appreciative of its hard work."
Aww. I don't have a car, but I get this! And your car appreciates YOU!
"When I was a kid..."
"When I was a kid I spent a whole afternoon feeding pebbles to a small drain outside my house because I thought it was hungry."
Okay, this is cute – and totally something a little kid would do!
"There's a thing I call..."
"There’s a thing I call 'mechanical empathy.' If you emotionally attach to your bike or car you’ll be kinder and more gentle to it."
"Some people are really rough on cars and other machinery, it’s painful to drive with them."
I was in a car recently with a driver who got a bad case of road rage and just slammed her hands on the dashboard whenever she was upset. That poor car!
Who knew we could feel so attached to the inanimate objects around us? Humans are fascinating creatures. We're capable of a lot of love and empathy, even for the smallest things.
Have some opinions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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They say your 30's hits different, like one day you're young a hopeful and the next day you're just WAY too old for this.
What is the "this" you're suddenly too old for?
No idea. It's different for everyone, but make no mistake, it'll happen to you too.
Maybe it already has?
Reddit user BMA1500 asked:
"What sh*t are you too old for?"
Let's take a look at how "too old" hit these Reddit users.
"Arguing with ignorant people on the internet."
"I have no patience or bandwidth to argue with random a-holes on social. Learned that lesson a long time ago."
"Too many fakes and bots now anyway. I am pretty much a 'read only' user of other platforms and only share opinions in person on polarizing issues."
"Petty games while talking to a potential partner."
"Just be straight up and real with me. Tricks are for kids."
"I've always felt this way."
"I remember when one of my girls explained the concept of 'playing hard to get' to me and I was annoyed just hearing it."
"If I have to chase you, that means you’re running away, and I don’t have time for that. If you seem uninterested, I’ll take it on the chin and leave you alone."
"If you like me just say that. If you don’t like me just say that. It’s not hard and moves the process along much faster."
"If you text me and I’m free, I’m going to text back. I’m not going to wait three hours for aesthetic purposes."
"The list goes on."
Cut That Out
"This sounds like some Instagram motivational sh*t, but spending time around people that I genuinely don't like or who make me unhappy and uncomfortable."
"There's so short of a time we have on this Earth and it just hit me right before I turned 30 that I spent a ton of that time with people who I thought sucked."
"I cut that out and I'm much happier."
"I realized this at my cousins wedding. I had a family member walk up to me flat out call me ugly, fat and say that I wasn’t the “good” family guy anymore."
"What!?!? Why would you even say that?? And they said it with a smile on their face the whole time..."
"After that night I haven’t spoken to them in 2 years and I’m super happy! I’m too f*cking old to be dealing with that nonsense for the rest of my life."
"It takes days to recover now, and most bad hangovers come with an existential crisis attached."
"When I was young I remember times I'd have a day off from work and be like 'Hell yeah, I'm gonna get trashed and play video games all night it's gonna be great!' "
"Now it's like "Great, I'm 3 drinks in and I'm just tired & have heart burn.' "
"It's not the same."
"I used to work 12-9pm, party the entire night. And then be back to work like a pro."
"If this was a Friday, partying used to resume Saturday afternoon. That was my early 20s."
"In my 30s now, and I wait for Fridays so that I can be dead on my bed the entire Saturday."
"The existential crisis is the worst. Just lying there wondering what the hell you are doing with your life, what came to this and when you are going to grow out of it."
"Then it passes and life goes on."
"General admission tickets. My old ass requires a reserved seat."
"Hahaha… last gen admission show I went to I had to find a 'comfortable' wall to lean on."
"When it comes to music festivals, the wife and I go for VIP just so we can get fancier washrooms and shorter lines at the food trucks."
"I agree but, man, it makes feel like I’m a spectator at at a concert and not part of the real party down on the floor."
"There comes an age when you have to consider... 'Do I really care what kind of clickbait sh*t my high school friends who I never talk to and never will see, likes?' "
"I only had Facebook because it helped with socializing in college/high school, but afterwards it's really hard to want to add new friends because they can see your history, and you can too."
"Honestly, the only reason why I have a Facebook is because I still have my mom as my friend and she passed 4 years ago."
"Every time I go on there, I'm tired now."
"I deleted Facebook three years ago."
"Found out all my Marine Corps buddies were either total idiots, painfully stereotypical post-9/11 veterans, ill-informed political junkies, and mostly people I haven't had anything to do with in years."
"Moving or helping other people move. Just no."
"I've moved a lot of times and have helped many people move."
"One of the best decisions I've ever made was hiring movers. 300 bucks for the big stuff is money extremely well spent."
"I've broken my body helping people move because I'm the 'young and strong guy' in the friend group. Way too many times now. F*ck that sh*t, hire movers."
"I can agree with this."
"I used to work as a mover for a couple summers and I don't even want to move myself lmao."
Not The Cool Old Guy
"I told myself when I get older I need to be open minded and not the close minded grumpy old man..."
"Then I see all these obviously staged videos and corny dancing/lip syncing stuff and realize it’s inevitable I am not gonna be the cool old guy."
"I have this exact same process with TikTok."
"I think to myself, 'I’m really the bitter old woman I said I would never be, aren’t I?' Lol"
"I’ve downloaded TikTok at least 3 times and deleted it almost immediately."
"I am drawing a line at TikTok. I’m old."
Since We're Talking About TikTok...
"When Macy's Thanksgiving Parade performers are introduced as "TikTok sensation" without any other credentials worth mentioning."
"I think the only performer I knew yesterday was Kelly Rowland because of Destiny’s Child."
"My google search history is full of my confusion."
"Oh man I’m so glad we missed the parade then. Maybe I’m just too old but that would’ve been cringe."
Why Are We Screaming?
"People (mainly young girls) who scream for no reason."
"I understand if you're terrified of something, but screaming when you meet up with your friends or just when the situation does not call for it makes me SO mad. I find it so infuriating."
"Just shut up. Lol."
"My kids learned a very long time ago not to scream like that. I hate excessive loud noise in any environment, but it’s especially nerve wracking in close quarters."
"My Mother-in-Law will have a dinner every so often for the family to get together. My husbands brother’s kids are so freaking annoying like this."
"We’re having pizza? Scream."
"We’re baking cookies? Scream."
"Someone found you in hide and seek? Scream."
"I’ve been too old for that since I was 6. Shit was ALWAYS annoying."
Real talk, apparently I'm *very* old going by the stuff on this list.
I'm gonna need to go sit with that for a bit... let me go turn on the seat warmer so my bones aren't stiff when I stand up later.
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Do all mothers go to the say mom school or something? Because they seem to share the same advice or go on the same platitudes, don't they?
Here's an idea.
Maybe they're just older, have more experience, and are trying to keep us from being dumbasses in public. At least, that's what I think.
I'm definitely grateful for my mother's advice—it's saved me more than once—and it seems many out there are too. And they all seem to have heard the same things from their mothers, too.
Any of these sound familiar? They probably do, and we heard all about them after Redditor lame_excuses asked the online community,
"What are some things all moms say?"
"I'll go first..."
"I'll go first: 'So if your friend jumped off a cliff would you jump off too?"
Okay, my mother did not say this, but all my friends' mothers did.
"We have fun."
"My mom always made me put on a coat when we went outside, even if I wasn't cold, simply because she was cold."
"Now that I'm an adult, she no longer tells me this but instead I complain about being cold and ask, indignantly, why no one told me to put in a coat."
"We have fun."
I want a documentary crew to follow you both around. It'd be hilarious.
"I credit George Carlin for all of these."
"When you lose something."
- Have you tried looking for it?
- Have you looked everywhere?
- Well, it didn't just get up and walk away.
"I credit George Carlin for all of these."
George Carlin knew what he was talking about. RIP.
"You know Glynis? She's your aunt's mother-in-law's close friend. Anyway, she died last week."
"I have eyes..."
"I have eyes in the back of my head."
"My mom used to say that to my sister and I so we wouldn't be sneaky behind her back. One day she was washing the dishes and I came up behind her with my two fingers and poked her right where I assumed her back eyes would be. She shouted, 'Ouch!' I believed her for years!!"
I was convinced of this too! Damn, my mother was good.
"I had some friends over..."
"I had some friends over when I was a teenager, and I bet them I could get my mom to say the word 'food.'"
"Hey, mom, what's for dinner?"
"Worked every time."
You both clearly planned this!
"When at the billing counter..."
"When at the billing counter every mom has the maternal instinct to say - 'Just stay in the line, I need to go grab a few more things.'"
This is my mother.
How many times have I dealt with this?!
“It’s because you didn’t drink enough water."
BUT I DO!!
"If you have siblings..."
"If you have other siblings and they’re trying to yell at you they will call you by all your other siblings' names before they get to yours. Usually starting with the oldest and working their way backwards."
Good thing my family was small!
"My Mum used to use it all the time..."
"'Soon.'" An indeterminate time frame from 5 minutes to several hours. My Mum used to use it all the time to deflect stupid questions like 'When is dinner?'"
"Answer: she always, always served it around 6 pm."
It's true! My mother would do this – and still does this. And we definitely don't eat as early as that!
Confirmed: All mothers meet for the annual mother convention to say all–and I do mean ALL–of these things to their kids.
Anything missing, though? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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