People's Hypothetical Reactions If Their Partner Said 'I'll Marry You If You Lose Weight'
It's 2022, and fortunately, finally, more people have gotten on the proper body positivity train.
But there are still those who believe that thinner is better, and Reddit's ready to call them out on it.
One Redditor addressed this by asking:
"What would your reaction be if your partner told you, 'I'll marry you if you lose weight'?"
Concern or Love?
"My girl told me to lose some weight, but in my case, I believe she had the right to it."
"I am getting older. She told me she doesn't want to build a life to have me die because of something I have complete control over."
"I think there are legitimate reasons for someone to have that as a condition to spend their lives together. But if their reasons are 'no fatties,' then run away. They don't care about you."
A Healthy Ultimatum
"I can actually chime in as someone who gave something of a sort-of ultimatum like in the question!"
"My partner is obese (approx 250 at 5'9 / ~115 at 175). He's always been overweight but had recently gained more when I met him. It wasn't something that happened over the course of the relationship."
"The issue I have with it has nothing to do with being attracted to him or anything like that (definitely plenty attracted to him), it's health and function."
"He has an injury to his knee that already makes it challenging for him to climb stairs multiple times or run, but the extra weight exacerbates it. He has sleep apnoea which we believe is caused by his weight (CPAP hasn't worked, not interested in surgical interventions at this time and they'd ask him to lose weight first)."
"The impact this has on us now is that we sleep in separate bedrooms and can't do some activities together."
"We're going to have kids, so the future impact might be he'll genuinely struggle to look after or play with said kids (if he can't run around the yard with them, or just do all the physical things young kids require, for example)."
"He has healthy blood pressure, cholesterol, etc., for now, but being obese puts him at an elevated risk for a bunch of entirely preventable conditions."
"SO, fairly early on, I gave an 'ultimatum' that was basically 'by the time we get married, I want to share a bedroom, and I want you to be able to enjoy our kids' youth.'"
"To move from obese to overweight, he'd need to lose approx 55lbs/25kg which is a lot, and there's no real way of knowing how much weight he'd have to lose for the sleep apnoea to get better or his knee to work."
"I mean. I'm going to marry him anyway, and he knows that. But at least it's out there how seriously I take it."
"I try to support him even though it's kind of completely outside my realm of expertise because I don't think just saying, 'do this or I'll leave' is fair, kind, or going to get any of the results you're looking for."
A Brutal Look in the Mirror
"I wouldn’t blame her, I’ve gotten fat as f**k."
Something to Look Forward To
"I'd say, 'cool beans!'"
"I'm plodding away on my journey at 289lbs today... I'm down from 460 at my worst (somehow I seem to be getting away with it without any loose skin so far, which is a welcome bonus)."
"I am under extremely few illusions about the fact I still look like a fat sack of crap and my own relative attractiveness as a prospect, though. I mean, the mental image of a blubber-mountain jiggling and wheezing away over someone gives me the ick!"
"While I'm doing it entirely for my own sake, and I think it's essential to do so, someone willing to look beyond my current condition to who I am as a person and decide they'd potentially like to spend the rest of their life with me, isn't without value."
"As such, far from seeing it as a cruel ultimatum, it seems more like accepting the reality that I'm still just not there yet, but... when I drop another 50-75lbs and more importantly add some tone, I should start scrubbing up quite nicely."
The Reason Matters
"I think the reason they want this really matters."
"I had a morbidly obese mom who most likely died from being obese. It was very hard on her and me. I grew up with her crying about being overweight and the pain she was in."
"It got to the point where she first had to use a walker and then a wheelchair. She had a lap band surgery but managed to stay obese."
"I'm currently obese myself and have health problems related to it. I'm working on losing weight and have lost 50 pounds so far. I plan to lose more before considering dating again."
"Considering how hard it was for me to lose my mom and all her suffering, I don't want to date someone who isn't at a healthy weight or at least working on losing weight. I wouldn't fault someone feeling the same about me."
Self-Respect Has Entered the Chat
"If they word it in a way that they simply only want to be with me if my appearance changes, I'll tell them to f**k off."
"But if they're worried about my health and my weight is a part of that, then I'll be a little more understanding."
A Tough Reality
"A person who won't marry you unless you look a certain way is a person who will divorce you if you don't look a certain way."
So This Is Love
"If I was super obese and my partner was trying to push me to be better, then I would take it to heart and work on myself. If I'm not obese and they are just doing it to attack me, then I would tell them to f**k off."
"I'd hope if someone actually cares about me and I let myself go that they would call me out on it. Being obese is nothing to glorify."
"A lot of comments are trying to justify in sickness and in health and that they would leave just because of the ultimatum but as a comparison, if your partner was a non-abusive alcoholic and wanted to get married, would you ask them to quit drinking before you marry them? Would you be offended if your partner asked you to quit drinking if you wanted to get married?"
"Both are self-destructive tendencies. I sure as hell would not be marrying a heavy alcoholic or someone obese but if I love that person I'd speak my mind and give them the opportunity to change."
"I'd say, 'Same goes for you. Let's hit the gym now since we're both fat.'"
"My ex had a food addiction and I couldn't hack it. I did love her for her but I didn't fancy her in the end."
"I tried to help with diets and exercise since it had rubbed off on me also. I was over 20kg heavier than I was before I met her. Our whole relationship by the end of it evolved around this problem."
"We split up years ago, but straight away, I got back down to a healthy size."
"She tried to demonize me over it but in my mind, it's the same as a drug or alcohol addiction. It's not good for your health."
The Importance of Attraction
"I literally just saw a thing about how boundaries aren't an expectation to be pushed on others, they're a defined plan of action for yourself. So this kind of scenario should play out differently:"
"A judgment, not a boundary: I'll marry you if you lose weight."
"A boundary: I cannot be in a permanent partnership with someone I don't find attractive, and I don't find you attractive at your current size."
Their Own Conditions
"I'm foreign. If I ever gained weight my entire family would be very blunt about it, in a non-mean way. Just, it is what it is. And if I don't like it. Well then stop whining and eat less."
"Anyway, If I thought I was an appropriate weight and my SO (significant other) demanded an even better physique... Maybe, but I'm getting something out of this deal. Probably sex stuff. And snacks."
"If you demand a king, I will demand a queen."
"In my most recent relationship, we had an issue where we were just different people. I like hiking, skating, and swimming. She didn't. Not because those activities weren't fun to her, but because she was physically unable to do those things due to an excess of weight."
"She wasn't immobile by any means, and in fact, I thought she looked pretty great physically, but the fact remained that if she had lost some weight and been more physically active we would have been able to do so much more together."
"Weight isn't just about looks. She was more than just okay in my eyes, she was beautiful. But her weight was an issue nonetheless, and I don't think I could start a relationship with someone of a similar weight to her again."
"It feels bad, but at the end of the day, there were certain things we just couldn't do, and no amount of positivity could change the fact that she couldn't go bouldering with me, or go on a long walk through a forest."
Immediate Weight Loss
"I can lose 200lbs right now... by dumping them."
"I guess it depends on whether I felt I needed to lose the weight, and if they were nice about it."
"My ex-husband wanted me to lose weight when I was only 130 pounds at 5'5. He wanted me to go back to my 19-year-old anorexic weight of 95-100 pounds which wasn't healthy at all. And he was perfectly willing for me to become anorexic again to do so."
"The real kicker was that he was 330 pounds and wasn't willing to diet at all. So instead of losing the 30 pounds, he wanted me to lose, I got rid of him. Best 330 pounds I ever lost."
While the question on its own sounds terrible, the subReddit understood that it depended on the delivery and reason behind the question.
Relationships sometimes require tough conversations, started out of love, and weight loss can be part of that.
But if someone is purely looking for aesthetics, they can go look for that somewhere else.
While starting a family and having children is a goal that many people have, some do not realize that it's not easy, fun, and loving one-hundred percent of the time. Rather, it's expensive, exhausting, and hard, though it might be worth it in the end.
With this in mind, people shared what they felt were the hardest hurdles of their parenting.
Redditor ApprehensiveShock655 asked:
"What's the worst part of having a child?"
Fear of Not Doing Enough
"The constant anxiety that you’re doing enough to shape them to make good choices, a good life, be a good person and for them to have the life they deserve."
Like the Energizer Bunny
"It's incessant. It never stops. You never get a day off."
"Going from having two days per week to relax and do whatever to literally never having a moment free from responsibility."
No Break In Sight
"I’ve always wanted kids and still do, but this is the only thing that has come close to giving me pause."
"Both my siblings have young kids and I cannot get over how CONSTANT it is."
"From the second the kids wake up to when they finally shut their eyes, it’s non-stop. Then they get maybe an hour or two to themselves, which is mostly spent tidying up, etc., before the nighttime stuff starts with the baby crying, the toddler coming into bed, nightmares, etc."
"It requires years of not getting a full night's rest. You can never just go out whenever you want. No sleeping in, even on weekends because someone has to be up with them at 6 AM."
"Raising human children is an insane task."
Mom's Body After Baby and Dad Bods
"The weight gain is the worst! During the pregnancy, I gained 35 pounds. My belly has stretch marks. My boobs are all saggy."
"And it’s not even fair because my wife only gained like 15."
The Meal Planning
"Coming up with three meals to eat per day EVERY DAY stresses me out so bad."
"This sounds like such a small thing, but it really wears on you over time. You can’t just make something for yourself or something you and your spouse feel like eating: You have to constantly be thinking about if the kid is hungry and what they might be willing to eat."
Keeping Them Safe
"When people ask me this I say, 'do you know those video games where you have to escort a character to a destination without them being attacked?' That's parenting. Those missions are a pain in the a**."
Seriously, Keep Them Safe
"Having to deal with their total lack of self-preservation. They are creative and come up with all kinds of ways to try and kill themselves. Keeping ahead of the game is exhausting."
"They’re just always there. On you, behind you, in front of you, just a little speed bump impeding every task."
Letting Them Live Their Life Their Way
"Having a kid is like having a little piece of your heart running around in the world. When they're sick or get disappointed or just feel sad, it's worse than having it happen to you."
"Yet at the same time, you need to let your kids work through those things to learn to handle them. If you give into the worry and try to shield them from everything, you risk creating harmful co-dependence."
"So it's a constant struggle. But worth it!"
What Is "Sleep" Again?
"I'm only nine years in, but so far, it's been the sleep deprivation. Hands down."
And What Are These "Sick Days" You Speak Of?
"Having to take care of a sick child when you are also sick. For me that has been the most challenging part so far."
Another Full-Time Job
"It's like taking a second job that lasts 18+ years with a 24/7 schedule with no holidays or sick days."
"…And no second paycheck. It's actually like YOU are paying your second salary instead of getting one."
"The loss of freedom. I can't just... go somewhere. Even with older kids, there's so much planning and thinking and getting ready."
"I miss being able to just decide to go somewhere, and go there."
The Time Flies
"The best advice I got was from an ancient hospital security guard in an elevator. 'The days are long, the years are short, cherish them while you can.'"
"The phrase I hate is, 'You don't know it, but one day you pick your kid up for the last time.'"
There are all kinds of troubles that come from being a parent, many of which people don't necessarily think about until they already have a baby in the house.
But reassuringly, many people in the subReddit pointed out that no matter how hard some of these hurdles are to get over, it's still worth it in the end, and it goes by far too fast.
Positive emotions are high among people in the blossoming phase of relationships.
Everything seems more romanticized for people in love due to the amorous joy in their hearts–which also influences their desire to frequently get it on under the sheets–or any other daring location in the heat of the moment.
But for those who've declared "'til death do us part," devoted couples may find that they are not always on the same wavelength sexually compared to when they first met.
Curious to hear how people keep their passion alive, Redditor Rude_Phone6841 asked:
"Married people, how do you initiate sex with your partner?"
When verbally articulating isn't enough...
Let The Book Dictate When
"There is a book called 'How to Subtly Tell Your Partner You Want More Sex.' If you sleep on the right side of the bed, you can casually open it up and your spouse will see the giant printed title on the front. Sometimes, I’ll just get the book out and leave it on his side of the bed. Once he was messing with me and acting like he was oblivious to my not-so-subtle hints, so I threw the book at him. The book is effective and hilarious."
"ETA: Sadly, we haven’t found the book since we moved. Fortunately, we’ve started communicating with our words instead. Words are just as effective."
Save The Date
"I send her an outlook calendar event and if she accepts, IT'S ON."
"You know when I’m down to my socks it’s time for business."
These couples find that verbal cues are best.
Now's The Time
"Honestly when we have the time one of us usually bluntly says 'let's go have sex right f'king now before we can't' and we go do it. Lol"
Option A Or B
"I have a 2 month old and a 2 year old. Some of the best sex we had was because I said 'after 2 year old goes down and if 2month decides to sleep do you want to meet in the basement' well she decided to sleep and damn that was good."
End Of Day Reward
"We just ask each other tbh. We’ll bring it up earlier in the day so we build up the anticipation with each other throughout the day, flirt with each other, gas each other up. All that. Then when it’s finally time at the end of the day, we usually fall asleep cause we’re so tired."
"But the cycle continues the next day!"
People continued offering their wisdom.
Afternoon Hanky Panky
"The trick is to initiate sex during the day. We are both too tired at the end. Plus hanging out all day after is somehow more rewarding."
"Same goes for dates. Have sex at the beginning the date, then go enjoy your time together without any pressure."
Kids In The Equation
"This literally happened today with my wife and me. We have two toddlers so we’re extra exhausted. Earlier today we had the sexy initiation of 'hey, we both showered today, want to have sex after the babies are asleep?' 'Sure.'"
"Then when the kids were asleep, and my wife and I were getting settled into bed, she asked if I still wanted to. I said if she wants to I’m down, but I’m pretty tired and would be fine without it. She said she was also tired and could do without it. So we kissed each other good night and she went to sleep. I’m just winding down on Reddit for a few minutes before I also fall asleep."
"I know this is boring. I didn’t write this to tell an exciting story. Just to share what married life is like for me and probably the large majority of married couples, especially parents of young kids."
Shadow Puppet Technique
"Use my phones torch to shine a shadow of my member up against the bedroom wall."
"Kinda like a bat signal of sorts."
"Turn off the lights and switch on the red lamp beside the bed."
"Walk by him while taking my top off. He follows me wherever I go and it's been 30 years and counting."
Every couple is different, and usually establishing a strong communication bond makes everything else in the relationship–including sexy time–falls in line effortlessly.
I knew a couple who made a game out of foreplay and agreed that whoever got home first from getting off work at the same time got to choose the sexual position that night.
They may no longer be together, but I remember them recalling how that technique was fun for them at the beginning stage and it took the pressure off of establishing when they were going to have sex.
Don't take get too anxious about it. It's just sex, and it's fun.
There are a number of things people partake in spite of the known possible ramifications they have on their health and safety.
Up to and including smoking, bungee-jumping, recreational drug use, or simply bike riding without a helmet.
Indeed, even though they know that doing any or all of these things could possibly lead to their death, they do it anyway.
Sadly, even though many people go out of their way to avoid doing these things for that very reason, that still doesn't mean they keep themselves completely out of danger.
Sadly, there are a surprisingly large number of things that lead to an even more surprising number of deaths each year.
Frighteningly, these are things that the majority of the world's population does on an almost daily basis.
"What causes death more than people realize?"
When In Doubt, Call Your Doctor!
"Your body will become septic, in which it essentially kills itself trying to kill off whatever infection one has."- cacarrizales
"Infections that are left untreated."- raptor-99
Tread Carefully. Seriously.
"On average around 17k people a year in the US die from injuries incurred after tripping and falling."- EdithWhartonsFarts
When In Doubt, Don't Drive.
"Driving while sleepy."- latchkey_adult
The Handrail Is There For A Reason.
"20 million severe injuries each year and at least 200,000 death from consequences of the fall."
"Both my grandparents died because of a fall."- OnTheGoodSideofLife
They Happen To The Best Of Us
"Especially among the elderly, a fall can create a cascade of events that results in death, even if it seems minor at first."-AdmiralBofa
Never Rush Chewing
"Statistically the most choked on food."- SpecSanders
Never Skip A Check-Up
"High Blood Pressure."
"It sneaks up on you and you don't know about it or don't care but it's the underlying cause of so many deaths."- Fear51
Never Underestimate The Importance Of Self Care
"Your body can only handle so much of it and it’s labeled the 'silent killer' for that reason."
"With your high blood pressure and the 5 hours of sleep a night because of the stress, It will creep up on you sooner than you think."- DroppedDonut
Don't Forget To Floss!
"Untreated dental problems."
"A cavity left untreated can lead to heart attacks and strokes."- Lastalmark
"Just regular old flu."
"Many people ignore it thinking it'll go away on its own."
"Globally the number per year is usually between 300k and 500k."
"In the US it can be anywhere from 12k to 50k per year."- PhreedomPhighter
Don't Feel Ashamed If You Need A Break
"I have two family friends pass from heart attacks associated to shoveling the snow."- JD054
There Are People Who Will Help You
"Alcoholism causing liver failure and it's on the rise in the USA."- Interesting_Drop8236
"Peruse your County ME’s records."
"The amount of people who die from alcohol is astounding."- hockenduke
Sometimes, It's Just Best To Mind Your Own Business
"You watch some Hollywood blockbusters and some MMA fights and you think you can do it too."
"I've seen stories of a guy minding his own business and gets rocked on the side of his head. It disconnected his spine and he was dead before he hit the ground."
"There was another story maybe a year ago of a scuffle where a guy was stabbed in the neck and bled out to the point of being unable to stand within 10 seconds."
"Stop f*cking around, it's not worth your life."- Choiceofart
We never know when our number is up or how we'll end our days.
However, with a little bit of care and good judgment, we can at least likely avoid falling victim to all of the above.
When Americans visit a foreign country, they tend to notice immediate cultural differences from the minute they step off the plane.
Unique bathroom designs, how you might have to be more specific when ordering coffee in Australia, how many businesses in Spain tend to shut down for a few hours to take a siesta.
Needless to say, this goes both ways, as when people from all over the world visit the United States, they tend to be surprised and amazed by a number of things.
Ranging from the amusing, such as portion sizes and ineffective tea brewing (at least for the Brits) to the truly baffling (HEALTHCARE).
"Non-American people, what’s a thing that you don’t understand about America?"
You Mean, People DON'T File Their Own Taxes Elsewhere?!?!
"Does every worker have to file their own taxes or am I just confused?"- ThePencil67
"Why they make you calculate your own taxes, if they know what you owe."- redder2023
"So, why do you buy politicians' merchandise? "
"Shirts, caps, banners, stickers, etc."
"They're public servants, not rockstars."
"Also, usually the more boring they are, the better."- akashyyConor Mckenna Influencer GIF by FoilArmsandHogGiphy
"Scottish person here but the work/always available for work culture."
"Minimal vacation time, minimal maternity/paternity leave and the fact you can pretty much just be let go."
"It makes me sad to think about it!"
"But I do love that you guys cram so much into your time off - you guys love a road trip!"- Frosty_Dragonfly_682
Definitely Something To Consider...
"What is up with Homeowner Associations?"
"Why would you pay to let a nosy neighbor dictate what you can and can not do on your own property?"
"I understand living in an apartment block and paying maintenance fees etc, but in a suburban home?"- Skoodledoo
There Are Some Good Observations
"The amount of National Parks!"
"My dream came true in 2017 to make an RV trip southwest off USA."
"Yosemite blew my mind away."- Independent-Ad9787national parks GIF by Visit The USAGiphy
"How you can say the word 'mirror' without the use of any vowels."
I Ordered A Small!
"Why everything is just SO damn supersized."
"My first time in America I went to get ice coffee from Dunkin Donuts, I ordered a large and my friend is like, 'are you sure you want large'?"
"Yeah no biggie, in the UK a large is not overwhelming I feel so I was expecting the same kinda thing."
"Oh my god it was like a god damn bucket of coffee."
"I think maybe a small would have been equivalent to a UK large, lesson swiftly learnt."
Some People Are Lucky To Just Have One Roommate...
"How you have to share a room with some complete rando when you go to college."- ChoppingOnionsForYouRoommates Move In GIF by James Madison UniversityGiphy
Some People Just Can't Stop Talking
"The culture of just talking to people, strangers you don't know and just up and start a conversation with them or join a conversation."
"I'm British, and we go through great lengths to not talk to people, let alone open up and pour our hearts out to a random person."- MrGlayden
In Other Words: Severs Deserve to Be Paid More!
"The tipping culture is so foreign to me, I would be so scared to make a mistake or not tipping enough if I ever go to America because it's not something which is common here in Denmark."- Cupsuu
The Commercials, Maybe?
"I’m American but I’ve worked with a lot of people who aren’t."
"The one thing they always wonder is why Americans are so obsessed with the NFL."
"They think it’s a boring sport."
"They explained 'you wait for 30 seconds, they hike the ball, you get about 5-10 seconds of action, then you wait another 30 seconds, another 5-10 seconds of action, then commercial break'."- yougotthesilver12Kansas City Chiefs Football GIF by Fighting Illini AthleticsGiphy
School Is No Place To Have Fun!
"My mom is from Moscow during the Soviet Era, and she is confused why there is no teacher-student hierarchy."
'She thinks it's weird when teachers participate in school plays or speak to students informally."
"She also DOES NOT GET pajama day."
"To her, it's just the weirdest thing in the world."
"In Russia, there is an important distinction between 'clothes for home' and 'clothes for outside'."
"They have a concept of 'home clothes', like your cozy or ugly clothes, that you are supposed to change into after school or work."
"At bedtime, you change out of your 'home clothes' into pajamas."
"As a result, pajamas, for both adults and children, are considered extra-extra private in Russia."
"My mom perceives pajama day as something extreme like wearing only undergarments to school."
"That's how private pajamas are considered to be in Russia!"- racheltolmach2022
A Debate Which Will Likely Never End
"MM/DD/YYYY"- SuvenPananimation domination calendar GIF by gifnewsGiphy
Living in America comes with a number of advantages and a number of detriments.
Speaking personally though, had I known I wouldn't have to file my own taxes in Australia, I would have expatriated long ago...