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Lawyers Reveal The Least Defendable Cases A Client Tried To Bring Them

Ever wonder why lawyers defend guilty people? Especially those that are downright dumb? It's not just for the stories; it's necessary to preserve our system of rights. Sometimes they're simply hilarious.

-lifealert- asked lawyers of Reddit: What was the least defendable case ever brought to you?

Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.


15. DNA doesn't lie.

Probably my client charged with statutory rape (multiple counts) who impregnated his high school sweetheart's daughter after having sex with said daughter. DNA in the form of a baby is strong evidence for the State.

flotilla-the-hun

Just wondering but how do you deal with somebody so horrible? Can you refuse to take it?

Memelover26

Not a lawyer, but I've worked with legal defense teams. I deal with it by reminding myself that I'm not supporting this abhorrent behavior, but that I am protecting their right to a fair trial.

Insecurity-Guard

14. Ill-tempered frivolity.

A woman wanted me to sue her previous lawyer for charging her a lot of money but producing almost no work to justify his fees. She gave me what she told me was the lawyer's total work product - a page printed off the internet for which she said she was charged thousands of dollars for legal advice. She had already brought a claim via my jurisdiction's disciplinary body for lawyers - she had lost and wanted to bring an appeal. The judgment kept referring to documents that I hadn't seen. I pushed her to give me everything and she came in with multiple files full of immaculate legal work that totally justified the fees she was fighting. We told her to get lost but she wasted a lot of my time before we realized she was full of sh*t.

unclephilibuster

Did you charge her?

0100_0101

No. I suppose we could have but we were ultimately refusing to take her case or carry out her instructions so we thought it best to just get rid of her. Also, she was crazy. Crazier than my account above sets out. She was paranoid and possibly mildly delusional. Charging her for the work would have perhaps been cruel.

unclephilibuster

13. Your superstitions about pizza aren't other people's problems.

So this guy ordered a pizza, nowhere was it specified that the delivery was supposed to be done under 30 mins but the guy assumed it because "movies." The delivery arrived 1hr later and to apologize even if it wasn't necessary, they brought him his order and an additional beef pizza. The guy wanted our firm to sue them because he is Hindu, doesn't eat beef and apparently felt offended.

Also this one time this dude wanted us to sue his neighbor because he assumed the guy was practicing black magic.

fsilvio111

12. Great plan.

This guy murdered his father then during the trial he sent death threats to his mother.

BillyDaGoat0819

"Ladies and gentlemen, take pity on my client, he's soon to be an orphan."

CherrySlurpee

11. Nice work.

A friend of mine was in a case where a guy was accused for graffiti vandalism (among other things), and the conversation with the judge went like this:

Judge: "Sir, did you make this graffitti?"

Defendant: "No, I did not."

J: "But it has your signature at the end."

D: "Yes, an artist has to sign his work!"

Case closed.

StairDestroyer

Congratulations. You just played yourself.

leastlikelyllama

10. He invented the piano key necktie. He invented it!

Worked in-house for a famous character company with a large fanbase. A few crazies a year call in.

A guy called in claiming that we stole characters that he created and demanded to be compensated. I calmly ask them to provide more details so I can determine whether this has any merit to it. He states he designed the characters himself and gave it to the well known actual creator when he was a kid, and the creator pawned them off as his own. I asked him when he was born, and it's a good twenty years after these characters were actually created.

I ask him to explain this, and he pivots and says he also created some other well known famous characters and brands. Characters and brands that are not owned by my company. I kindly ask that if he wants to pursue anything to send us something in writing and hang up.

I figured if he wasn't going to due some really basic research on his own claim, he wasn't going to spend any time to write it up. Never heard from him again.

HappycatAF

This sounds like a guy I know that tried to claim that he created Toothless as a character two years after the first HTTYD movie came out.

He also tried to tell me that he was an alien- I'm talking he 100% believed that himself and went on and on about how he was waiting for 'them 'to take him home.

Akitiki

9. Your tree, your problem.

She lived on a large riverfront block. She had a jetty for a boat. Her large tree fell over in a storm and landed mostly in the water and making it difficult to moor her boat. She wanted to sue the government for not taking away her fallen tree.

notinferno

8. How many kids is enough?

Not my client, but my Dad (and the hospital he worked at) was sued by a gentleman after he saved his wife's life.

Details: patient is pregnant with 8th child and miscarries. The fetus is removed but the patient starts bleeding uncontrollably. The only option available is a hysterectomy. It was either that, or she dies right there on the table. My Dad gets called in to do the surgery, performs it successfully, hooray. The patient's husband is quite devout and beyond pissed that his wife can't have any more kids. So he sued the hospital.

No firm would represent him, and he ended up bringing proceedings himself. Went all the way to trial and he lost hard.

It was the 6th pregnancy, my bad. This event happened 20 years ago, so my memory of the details was a bit off. I have added more info in the comments below, for anyone who is interested. :)

Promist

He already had 7 other kids. What does this guy want to do? Create a country?

IWuvMufins

7. This is what stupid does, when it is.

My dad had a client who was on trial for being a felon in possession of firearms, possession of stolen property, burglary, and distribution of narcotics. Guy had multiple pictures of himself on Facebook holding guns, drugs, and cash, and had videos of himself both breaking into someone's house and stealing a gun as well as selling drugs on several occasions. Despite my dad basically telling the genius he was going to prison either way, and to plead out for a reduced sentence, dude still pleaded not guilty. We still occasionally joke that the guy clearly wasn't competent to stand trial by virtue of being so dumb.

Elboato144

I don't understand people's fascination for positing their crimes on Facebook. Morons.

mymak2019

Validation.

They want people to look at them and think "Wow, he's so cool! He's above the system, the cops can't stop him!"

And since cops aren't on his friends list, there is no way that they would be able to trace his illegal actions through the internet!

Lichruler

6. Divorce brings out the worst in everyone.

My dad's lawyer hated divorce and custody cases because he always gets the stupid clients.

Wife wanted everything in the divorce, her boyfriend sent a video to her husband-it showed the wife and boyfriend having sex in her husband's house. Wife, clearly at fault, still wanted everything. She didn't get anything and was charged with adultery. Husband celebrated by having a banana split.

1.a) I messed up his one, the charged with adultery happened in my home country of the Philippines, wife was caught banging a neighbor and her husband took her to court, were she would be charged with adultery by the a local court.

Wife wanted custody of her kids and she was actually winning, until she drove to her husband's place, drunk as a skunk and threatening to kill him if he didn't withdraw from the case. Also, she forgot to mention to her lawyer that she was on anti-psychotics.

Guy wanted custody of his kids, but had a rap sheet a mile long- along with a history of domestic abuse and threatening people in the Internet. Judge tried to give him a chance but he f---ed that when he posted a tirade on his Facebook on how he'll curbstomp his kids because their mother deserved it.

Woman was going to lose custody of her daughter, so she threatened to cut off her lawyer's balls if he didn't win. She said this right in front of the judge

Ex-husband denied stalking his ex-wife and putting poop in her mailbox. His social media accounts says otherwise. He even took selfies with his ex in the background, not knowing the guy who wasn't supposed to be near was near her.
Husband wanted a divorce, he was cheating on his wife and concocted a plan to have her be seduced by another guy. Another guy takes her and they both fall in love for real, guy fesses up and husband is the one getting served divorce papers.

My dad's divorce with his first wife was this for her (the first wife). Basically dad's lawyer took any and all evidence and it was discovered she was ffking men while husband was at work and it was known her husband (my dad) can't have kids but she was 5 months pregnant (everyone thought she was just fat) when the proceedings started. Dad's lawyer also pretty much got my dad everything, anything in his house is his and the only thing she got were the clothes in her closet. She couldn't have the grand piano, the fur coats, the jewelry, or even any of the wedding gifts. First wife and her boyfriend tried to break into the house but dad had housesitters he paid with the stuff they wanted. Dad also had to pay her money during the proceedings ( it was like $30-$50/week but his lawyer said not to pay that.

illogicalfuturity

5. You're not gonna win, Jennifer.

Not me but my dad's lawyer.

My dad's ex wife decided that they weren't getting on with divorce proceedings fast enough and decided to make a move while my dad was at work and we were all at school.

So she locked my little brother in my room (the only one they didn't touch) and called over 40+ people to take whatever she thought was hers (so pretty much everything, including furniture, old music and pictures from before she was even around.)

I show up to the house to pick up my little brother and it's empty.

I don't know what she thought was gonna happen when she possessed many things that were obviously my dads, like pictures of just me and him, or the computer that he bought through his job at Dell.

My dad sued her 3 times and won every time. She just got caught laundering money from the summer camp she worked at and my old Boy Scout troop, that her son is (was) now in. F*ck her.

Interestingly enough my dad just remarried to a district attorney.

geoff1036

4. Most fraud is clumsy.

I haven't had anything too spectacular, but I've had a couple of clumsy civil fraud cases that I withdrew from. Both involved defendants who forged documents but didn't understand metadata.

For instance:

"I can right click this added pdf text to view its properties. It indicates that the text was added six weeks after the document was supposed to have been submitted in competed form. The other side will ask about this. What's our response?"

"Uh..."

manycactus

I'm also assuming they get angry at you and your firm for not being able to just think of a magical solution?

F*ck_Public_Corps


Actually, in both cases, they didn't object much to our withdrawal. They knew what they did and knew that others figured it out or would figure it out.

We were willing to provide a defense (e.g., by challenging the claimed damages). The main problem was that we couldn't defend them in the way they wanted to be defended, which would have involved making really bad arguments and likely suborning perjury.

manycactus

3. He's not wrong.

A guy wanted to sue God because it was unfair to blame the rest of us for Adam's poor choice.

deepsoulfunk

I read about a guy who tried to sue the devil for making him commit crimes. The judge threw it out when the man couldn't prove the devil lived in the judge's jurisdiction.

Maur2

In 2008, a lawsuit by Ernie Chambers was thrown out because he failed to serve process to God properly.

BCMM


He sued him to draw attention to all the frivolous lawsuits that were being made and how the people were wasting the courts time, he wasn't crazy.

subzerojosh_1

2. Good guy mule.

-Guy is driving pounds of drugs across the country (multiple state lines).

-Decides to pick up hitchhikers on the way.

-Keeps quarter kilo of hash oil in cup holder for "easy access" while driving.

-Gets pulled over

-Immediately tells the cop the drugs are his because he "didn't want the hitchhiker's to get in trouble"

Somehow, we still got him 0 jail time in lieu of community service and a fat fine. Small rural county cares more about the money than sending some kid to prison. The rich don't go to prison.

EvilLost

Sure, he's a drug dealer and committing federal crimes, but honestly bro move for a) picking up the hitchhiker b) not letting him get in trouble

f1sh98

If the dude had to go to jail, that bro move should've earned him a can of beer per week during mealtime.

treoni

1. "I'da got him 10."

A lady was sacked by a large company. They had caught her embezzling money to fund a gambling habit. They had clear evidence the embezzling had occurred, and she did not deny it.

She sued the company for $300,000 for unfair dismissal.

My sister's firm represented the company against this woman. The case was so easy, the firm gave it to my sister as her first ever solo attempt.

My sister screwed it up. Badly. Not only did she lose, the court awarded the woman $500,000 instead of the $300,000 she asked for.

In the end it was a good career move. The partners all knew her name and dropped in to her office, one by one, to offer their sympathy.

HandsomeLakitu

What did she do? I mean, if there's evidence and a confession, wtf?

SpreadItLikeTheHerp

I'm not entirely sure. I know she botched the negotiation for a settlement, and then she must have made a serious mistake during the proceedings and really irritated the court.

HandsomeLatiku

What's the silliest lawsuit you've ever heard of?

Infamous Internet Rumors That Ended Up Being True

Reddit user strakerak asked: 'What started out as an internet rumor that ended up being infamously true?'

boy playing at laptop inside room
Photo by Ludovic Toinel on Unsplash

In 2017, I returned to my office after my lunch break to hear my supervisors discussing Tom Petty. This seemed like a random topic to me until one of my supervisors told me Tom Petty had passed away. He was a huge fan of Petty and spent the next hour or so combing through the internet to get more information.

He came back into the room my other supervisor and I were working in and announced that Tom Petty wasn't dead after all. News outlets had jumped the gun to announce his death, but he was actually still alive.

The next day, I came in to find out that Tom Petty was dead; the news may have been premature, but true.

This is a classic example of the rumor being started on the internet. Sometimes, like with the news of Tom Petty's death, the rumor can run wild and appear everywhere. Other times, the rumor can be seen by just a few people and dismissed. However, a lot of times, these rumors turn out to be true.

Redditors know a lot of internet rumors that turned out to be true, and are eager to share.

It all started when Redditor strakerak asked:

"What started out as an internet rumor that ended up being infamously true?"

The King Of Pop

"Michael Jackson writing the music for Sonic 3."

"He actually did, but was never credited on the game because it would breach his contract with his record label."

– -WigglyLine-

"He did the same when he appeared on The Simpsons. He appeared under a pseudonym, and the Producers said it was an impersonator."

"Only years later they confirmed it really was Michael."

"His singing voice was actually done by an impersonator, though."

– given2fly_

The Truth Comes Out

"In 1998, US Men’s National Team captain John Harkes was shockingly cut from the team right before the World Cup. The coach claimed it was because Harkes wouldn’t fit into his new preferred formation, but rumors flew on the early internet that it was actually because he had slept with his teammate Eric Wynalda’s wife. The rumor was so well-known in soccer circles that Harkes expressly denied it in his autobiography the next year."

"Fast forward 12 years to 2010 and Wynalda admits it’s true. The coach then came out and admitted it was why he dropped Harkes, but that he’d planned to keep the secret as long as Wynalda did."

– guyfromsoccer

Video Evidence

"The Tim Burton Hansel and Gretel that aired once on halloween in the 80's."

"I heard for years that it was fake but I knew it was real because my dad recorded everything in the 80s and he recorded that. We let a good friend of ours borrow it and switch it over from VHS to DVD and soon after that it made its way on to the internet , and there it is now. I know it's our copy because the tracking in the beginning is screwed up. Still have the VHS."

– Frozenthickness

"There was a similar story with a Nickelodeon movie called Cry Baby Lane. It was supposed to be so scary that Nickelodeon got complaints and denied its existence for years. Someone uploaded a taped copy to youtube about a decade ago."

– PattiAllen

The Movie Business

"That North Korea hacked Sony Pictures because of The Interview movie."

"I worked in the movie business at the time and the account managers at Sony all basically needed to get new identities as all of their personal information got leaked online."

OldMastodon5363

"My partner worked on that movie and the production bought all the crew 1 year of an identity theft tracking service."

CMV_Viremia

Keep Away From The Ears Of Kids

"Some banned episodes or scenes of cartoons."

"For example, I remember there was a Dexter’s Lab cartoon where he clones evil versions of DeDe and himself and they swear like every other word (censored of course), and people debated whether it even existed cause they only aired it like once. Now it’s pretty accessible online."

– Spledidlife

Yes, It's True

"Echelon, a massive electronic espionage system by the US and allies to intercept all electronic messages, especially emails."

"In the mid-nineties it was a topic on conspiracy BBS boards. A lot of people in my bubble at the time (mainly uni students in Europe) were including fake threats to the US in the their email signatures as a way to "protest" and "fill the system with false alarms" (obviously useless)."

"Then, in 1999-2000 came out to be true and a lot of security service agencies from UK and other US allies started to admit they were part of the espionage network."

– latflickr

How The Mighty Fell

"John Edward’s love child."

– ACam574

"A reminder that he was cheating on his wife while she was hospitalized for cancer treatment."

– Fanclock314

Ugh...

"Carrie Fisher's heart attack. Some a**hole who was on the same flight was livetweeting the whole medical emergency and justified it by insisting she was just making sure the family was informed."

– everylastlight

It Actually Happened

"Every year around her birthday there was a rumor that Betty White died. When I heard she died, I scoffed, saying that dumb rumor is back.... then saw it on the news. I was in shock."

– Known-Committee8679

"The fact that Betty died literally right before she turned 100 is such a Betty White way to go out."

– Paganigsegg

Big Actor, Small Roles

"I distinctly remember some rumors about the reason why Bruce Willis was taking so many roles in sh*tty movies before it was announced he has dementia."

– KampferMann

"RedLetterMedia did a deep dive on his recent movie activity to try and work out why exactly he was taking part in basically scam-movies. They noticed he had an earpiece in one of the scenes and joked that the director was feeding him lines. I remember they even disclaimed over the rumours at the time, and possible made a follow-up vid when it was revealed to the public."

– CardinalCreepia

What To Do Next?

"That the writer of LOST were making it up as they went."

"Turned out to be absolutely true."

– homarjr

That last one was kind of obvious!

Do you have any to add? Let us know in the comment below.

Person holding large stack of books
Photo by Jay Lamm on Unsplash

Whether you're naturally interested in fun facts and trivia or not, it's always nice to know a few that you can pull out of your pocket at a moment's notice as a nice conversation starter.

But there are some fun facts out there that are so weird, people become more preoccupied with how the teller found out that information rather than the information itself.

Redditor Dry_Bus_935 asked:

"What is your 'don't ask me how I know' random fact?"

Nuclear Fail Safe

"You have quite a lot of time, certainly more than ten seconds, to turn back on the main pumps of a nuclear reactor once you have accidentally turned them off."

- egorf

"I'm not surprised. The amount of fail safes, redundancies, and emergency scenario planning for nuclear power plants is insane."

"I toured a nuclear plant and wrote my high school senior thesis on the plans put in place to ensure the Fukushima disaster would not happen at that plant."

"I'm sure the secondary pumps are plenty capable of handling the reactor until the main pumps are repaired or just turned back on."

- Borderlandsman

Happy Cat

"If your cat chews on fresh eucalyptus, they might start hallucinating and fall over repeatedly, leading to a $400 emergency vet bill just to be told she’s just kinda high."

- oddidealstronghold

"And, that's part of why koalas love it. Little stoners."

- littlebluefoxy

Archaeology: Do Not Lick

"Old human bones are very porous, so if you lick them, they’ll stick to your tongue."

- clanculcarius

Sharing is Caring

"A pigeon will only eat a Starburst if you chew it up a little bit first. Just to clarify: chew the Starburst, not the pigeon."

- OhTheHueManatee

"Instructions unclear. Pigeon unhappy."

- Wild-Lychee-3312

Intriguing Anatomy

"Everyone is here with the creepy crime stuff, and I'm just like, 'A soft fur rat has 22 nipples.'"

- horroscoblue

"Okay, so either they have really small nipples, their nipples overlap, or they have nipples in places where there shouldn't be nipples."

"(I've never written the word 'nipples' so many times in a singular sentence before.)"

- GdeGraaf

'Don't Ask Me,' Indeed!

"Turmeric can be used as clothes dye. It is capable of permanently dyeing cotton cloth even after it has passed through the digestive tract of an adult male."

- SlefeMcDichael

"You s**t your pants, didn't you?"

- PMmecrossstitch

"I'd prefer not to answer that question."

- SlefeMcDichael

High-Risk Survival Skills

"If you ever trying to survive in the Arctic, don’t eat polar bear liver. It is so high in vitamin A, it will kill you."

- WrongWayCorrigan-361

"It's also surrounded by a lethal amount of angry polar bear."

- horanc2

Real-Life Spies

"TV shows and movies go out of their way to make military/intelligence officers look bada**."

"But real-life 'spies,' by design and training, are boring. They have regular houses and standard second-hand cars, they dress down, and they have vague, boring job titles (accounts receivable) as cover, and they do not draw attention to themselves. Most come from specialized academia."

- Ok_Worth_1093

Haunting Reality

"Your muscles can keep twitching for several hours after you die."

- JustDave62

"Also, beards can appear to grow. This is however not because the beard itself grows but because the skin shrinks."

- RRautamaa

"I worked at a morgue for over eight years. If you grasp the hand of a dead body to move the arm, the hand will grasp back, but that's just muscles and tendons reacting to the tension."

- goneferalinid

The Sneakiness of Drowning

"When a drowning victim is revived, get them to a hospital as soon as possible. Drowning is the leading cause of death of kids from the age of one to seven and is ruled as accidental drowning when it comes to secondary drowning or dry drowning."

"Basically, your lungs are full of water despite being revived. Your lungs will absorb the liquid, but not before your body acidifies from high levels of carbon dioxide. The only chance to survive is to have the lungs pumped with oxygen via CPAP machine and time."

"Also, drowning is extremely quiet. You don’t hear the victim go under. And if you see flailing, do not attempt to save the victim otherwise you’ll become another drowning victim. Throw them a lifeline and hope their amygdala realizes that a rope or something is floating near them and grabs on it."

- Dfiggsmeister

Not Everyone's Favorite Chocolate

"Hershey’s chocolate has the strong smell of vomit or feces to some people (me), and that’s because they use butyric acid as a preservative. Butyric acid is the compound that makes vomit smell so bad."

"Edit: Digging further into it, there are some claims that they may not be “adding” the butyric acid, but rather it is occurring from essentially spoiling the milk in their milk chocolate. Either way, the butyric acid and putrid smell remains a part of their product."

- hefewiseman1

"That explains the weird aftertaste I always get! I don’t smell it but their chocolate always has this super unpleasant sharp/acidic aftertaste that I find repulsive. I assume this is why!!"

- PomegranateNo975

Do Not Lick the Asbestos

"Asbestos tastes like chalk. And if you lick it, it has the texture of extremely gritty sandpaper. Which is actually the feeling of microscopic asbestos needles piercing your flesh!"

- TooYoungToBeThisOld1

Mapping Out the War

"Beginning in 1911 in anticipation of the outbreak of WW1 in 1914, two statesmen, one from England and one from France, began visiting locations in France that they believed would be the settings for a number of major battles that would occur during the great war."

"Long bike rides through these future battle zones in the countryside and weeks spent building a foundation for a French-Anglo codebook that would later prove important in helping win the war."

- fjordperfect123

Avoiding Lawsuits > Protecting Patients

"Doctors, or surgeons more specifically, that make too many mistakes during surgery, ie, leaving instruments in patients, frequently gets ‘quietly traded’ to other hospitals where they continue their path of destruction with the patients not being aware of their past record. Hospitals tend to keep quiet about the matter to avoid lawsuits."

- Kittytigris

Bonus Points: Do This While Having Lunch in Your Car

"If you overfill a fast food gravy cup and then put a lid on, it will create a pressurized gravy stream that sprays all over your face and uniform while your coworker looks on in horror."

- thechaosjester776

This subReddit thread was so a roller-coaster of random facts, we've surely all walked away learning something.

But the biggest takeaway might just be: Maybe don't lick so many things.

Shocked woman covering her mouth
vaitheeswaran Nataraj/Unsplash

When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.

But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.

Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.

It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.

Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:

"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"

These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.

Bleeding Out

"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."

"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."

– DongLaiCha

Tragic News

"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."

– accountnameredacted

Bottom Of The Barrel

"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."

– Crotch-Monster

A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.

Like Father, Like Son

"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."

– psycospaz

Busted

"Flashing blue lights."

– FiddleOfGold

"This sobered me up just thinking about it."

– redmaple_syrup

Losing Sight

"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."

– MissHibernia

Quitting The Bottle

"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."

– omgtater

These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.

Unplanned House Guests

"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."

– Oneinsevenbillion75

Serious Health Warning

"Elevated liver enzymes."

"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."

"So I opted for recovery, instead."

"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."

– Far_Meal8674

The Joyride

"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."

– foxfood9116

The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?

How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.

But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.

Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.

Woman holding multiple shopping bags
Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.

Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.

These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.

From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.

Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:

"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"

"Tale As Old As Time..."

"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","

"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."

"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."

"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."

"Lol!"

"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom

"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."

"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."

"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."

"I think he was a germaphobe."

"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."

"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."

"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.

"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."

"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."

"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000

Money Burn GIF by nog Giphy

Who Wore It Better?

"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."

"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."

"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."

"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'

"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"

"No."- mertsey627

Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...

"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."

"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."

"It was very low key."

"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."

"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."

"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."

"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."

"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa

south park wedding GIF Giphy

See You In Court!

"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."

'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."

"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."

"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."

"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."

"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin

It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!

"I work in a public library."

"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."

"A popular book that just came out."

"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."

"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten

A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!

"My own."

"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"

"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."

"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"

"Unacceptable!"

"This shall not stand!"

"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."

"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."

"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."

"I got over it."- DeathGrover

homer simpson episode 23 GIF Giphy

Holy Matrimony!

"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."

"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."

"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."

"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."

"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."

"It's just a party."

"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree

When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...

"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore

In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...

"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."

"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."

"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."

"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."

"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."

"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."

"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."

"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."

"We don’t offer wrapping services."

"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."

'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae

Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso Giphy

Happiest Place On Earth!

"I used to work for Disney."

"That in itself should tell you everything."

"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."

"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."

"Suddenly got worse huh?"

"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."

"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."

"I'm not kidding."

"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."

"My wife worked booking."

"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."

"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."

"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."

"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."

"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."

"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong

Disney World GIF Giphy

The horror!

Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!

It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...

Said absolutely no one.