I've never been a landlord, but I did run a property management company. Part of our job was to clean up and clear out properties after tenants had been evicted or abandoned the place. They say you can tell a lot about a person based on what they leave behind and how they live. Sometimes, though, you'd honestly rather not know.
There was one elderly gentleman who passed away, leaving his entire home full of his stuff. His neighbors all liked him, but his adult daughter told us he was a creep and she wanted nothing to do with him or his stuff. She even let us keep his car when we found his keys. We learned a lot clearing out that home. For the first three hours we thought the walls were painted seafoam green. Then we started taking down art. The walls were actually blue but years of smoking inside of the home had left a thick film of yellow nicotine all over everything.
They needed to be steamed and scraped before they could be painted.
He also had an alarmingly large collection of neon man-thongs which he kept stored with lotions, lubes, body washes, hair gels, and jelly - anything slippery.
It was ... interesting. One Reddit user asked:
And yeah, our racist closet neon thong dude was NOTHING compared to some of these tenants.
After evicting a tenant, I found multiple adult toys in a birdcage in the garage. I'm guessing it was art or something.
Several years ago I rented to a Chinese family that had moved to town and opened a restaurant. One day they told me that the bath tub was clogged. I hired a plumber and went over there. While snaking the tub or whatever it is that a plumber does, it was full of chicken feathers and bones. They had been slaughtering chickens in the bathtub, presumably for the restaurant.
When a guy moved out of my parent's rental property, they found out he had a beach party before leaving. There was a wrecked boat in the backyard and the lawn and carpet were completely covered in sand.
Rented an apartment for a 6 month lease. tenant paid all 6 months in advance as well as a deposit. never made a sound and never really saw him. One day the upstairs neighbor said he heard someone leaving in the middle of the night.
We went expecting the worst. Apartment was immaculate. Looked like no one ever lived there apart from some food in the fridge. Cleaned it out and went to the dumpster out back where we found parts of a hydroponics set up. Plastic sheeting, tubes, empty nutrient jugs. Guess they would rent a spot, grow and leave after a harvest or 2. Genius and not mad really.
Took the PVC pipes bout 8in diameter with 4 inch holes every few inches, put dirt in it, and turned it into a hanging outdoor planter for flowers.
A few weeks ago the maintenance guy at my apartment complex brought me a guinea pig. I answered the door and he was like "hey, I know you have one of these hamster things. It looks like the one you have. Do you want it? I have no idea what to do with it." Apparently, the people next door had a guinea pig and didn't want it anymore so they just let it loose in their apartment and left. He found it in a closet hiding under some clothes they left. I was afraid it might a girl because my boy guinea pig started freaking out, he was hopping around his cage and squeaking really loud. I took the guinea pig to my vet who told me it was a boy. He was just excited to have a friend. They're best friends now.
This was after said tenant was arrested, we had to clean out his place and it was full of garbage, used condoms, more clothes than one man ever needs, needles (used ones were in those nice biohazard containers at least but unused ones were strewn everywhere) and illegal testosterone + weight gain drugs (guy was a bodybuilder)
He had 14 Miley Cyrus shirts, and all 3 walls in his living room were plastered with her posters. It was very weird.
My parents rented out their empty house while they were staying out-of-state to a couple who really needed a place to stay. The couple ended up trashing the place completely and my parents had no experience as landlords and were totally taken advantage of. Their small dog chewed up all the siding up to his height level in the backyard, all the fans were missing blades somehow (we found them in the bathtubs), they dropped a weight on the floor and it went straight through the subfloor (they covered it up with a sticky tile), they had their bedroom set in the living room and used the bedrooms as a living room because the wife said she was diagnosed with Claustrophobia...it was all really weird.
But the strangest thing we found when we helped my parents clean it up to sell it was that they had been using one of the bedrooms as a home gym and we couldn't figure out why there was grease stains all over the walls. It was like a border of grease all at torso height. We later found out from the neighbor (who the renter tried to get to join CrossFit in his home gym) that the husband would do handstand push-ups in that room and the grease stains were actually all sweaty butt prints.
We did AirBnB for a while (>2 years) and had a variety of people come and go. One person did not listen to us when we said you need to hold down the handle when flushing a #2, just because our plumbing was old. A diet consisting largely of milk, butter, and bread resulted in lots of clogs. This person thought plungers were dirty, though. So they would go to the yard, get a large twig, and break up the clog with that then re-flush. The stick would then go into the trash.
When they (finally) left our place, we found a bunch of sticks in their closet for just that reason, waiting to be used.
I worked for a company with rentals many years ago, and they had rented to a South-East Asian family after they had been relocated to the US after the Vietnam war (and subsequent violence there).
One day I went to the property and went downstairs which was ENTIRELY flooded (I'm talking like 5 feet of water) where they were raising hundreds of Carp and other fish... presumably for many years. Complete with other plants, rice, and as a result many other living things in there.
They didn't really know any better... old men and women ripped out of their homeland after 50-60 years, and transplanted to the Midwest. They did what they thought was completely normal.
There was one lady, not a move-out, but was a welfare-check due to a really bad smell in her apartment. She had barricaded the door to the wall opposite it. Six cops couldn't take it down. Finally maintenance had to disassemble the lock from the outside (which means basically prying it open and destroying the siding). Come to find out she's alive and fine (albeit bat-sh!t crazy). She had gotten a frozen turkey and left it in the kitchen sink for three months. The carcass was the source of the smell, and the reason for the welfare check.
Some trashy tenants got evicted and they left behind pretty much everything they had except their TV. I found a cookie tin with old military photographs that I guess were their grandpa's along with two pipes and a lighter.
They also left behind a few hundred VHS tapes that were ruined and several of those huge gas station rolls of toilet paper.
My mother-in-law had rental property on the poor side of town. Most tenants were welfare recipients and though the rent was paid by welfare The money was given to the tenant to pay to the landlord As a result she had lots of people take the last 2 months of rent a skip out to Ontario or Alberta (she was in Newfoundland ). Her garage filled up with really sh!tty furniture after a Couple of years.
Funny footnote my girlfriend needed a toaster so I check with now ex mother in law. And sure enough she has one I can take for gf. It's an antique from the fifties one of those upright ones that can hold 6 slices. Gf is delighted at this beautiful appliance..... until she makes toast with it and instead of toast when the sides snap open it flung 4 fireballs across the counter. Lucky no damage was done.
A long time ago a fellow rented a store from my parents. Was an artist he said and was going to paint landscapes . After 3 months he stopped paying rent and was ducking out and hiding. After a while mom loses patience and changes the locks and confiscated everything in the place. We found he was living in there ,no furniture ,no bathroom ,no water. All that was in there was sheets of masonite (some made into really shitty paintings ) a bunch of painting supplies and paint. There was several months worth of garbage ( think bread bags full of shit) and for some reason a deep freezer full of ice cream and nothing else. man did the place stink.
I was the resident manager at the 'Y' for many years. Because we are right downtown next to the bus station and by all the social service agencies, we end up with people whose first step to structured housing is at the Y. We also have people who just left treatment, prison, etc - I strongly believe in second chances and for the most part, people didn't take advantage of that. However, there were so many incidents that would come and go with the times. Most recently, and the most heartbreaking was the amount of syringes and those orange needle caps I'd find. Everywhere. Others had hundreds of empty oxycontin and klonopin prescription bottles all over their rooms. Some were people I knew had a drug problem, others were people who I had no idea were using (or selling - I never could prove it).
I first arrived in the winter and the week after I started this job there was a woman on the top floor who we all knew would smoke with her window open and look out at the city. One morning I was woken up with frantic knocking and I went running outside to discover she had jumped. Sadly she was in her early 80's, found out she had cancer about a month earlier and decided she didn't want to go through all the treatment. Her life was not easy; she was one of the women on the 'women's-only floor' who moved in when she was in her 40's and never left. By the time she hit her 80's she couldn't get around much, and we had one of those old sliding cage elevators you don't see much anymore. When the elevator would break, she was trapped on the 5th floor and couldn't go anywhere. We would all chip in and bring her groceries, meals, etc. When she jumped it was especially difficult for me because it had been snowing, and there was blood and other fluids in the snow - that image has never left my memory.
We had an 18-year-old diabetic woman who moved in who had a very serious drug (oxycontin) problem. She told me this from day 1, she just finished treatment and wanted to start her life. She was estranged from her parents, but they sent the money for her deposit and first six months' rent. She was a small-town girl and I tried to look in on her to see that she was okay. She befriended this man on the 2nd floor who was in his 50's and very shady. Before I knew it she was spending the night in his room and he became more and more controlling. He came running down the stairs to the lobby one night and said she was very sick and needed an ambulance. We called and later on she died in hospital. Turns out he was withholding her insulin and not letting her leave his apartment...but we couldn't come up with anything to bring charges against him. It was just our hunch. The worst part yet was when her mother showed up and - didn't ask about her daughter's death or anything just 'where is the deposit money?' got it and left.
There were many interesting people who weren't addicts or sick or criminals. I'll never forget how many people I met from all over the world just starting their lives here, and just listening to their stories of where they came from or what they had to do in order to come to Canada; their lives back home and many held very prestigious jobs that unfortunately didn't have the credentials to transfer to a similar job here. Many who were white-collars back in their countries were night shift workers at 7-11 here or sold tickets at Greyhound or something. A LOT of the young girls were strippers who made decent money, but their drug problems ate up most of that money. Many of the young people moving in were gay/lesbian and had no family support, so we were the only sense of 'home' they had. Many evenings I'd be working at the desk and I'd invite them down to eat in the lobby. I think that gave them some sense of home - at least a home where they could be who they were without fear.
For the most part I liked that job, but such a dramatic change in the last 3 years in particular - so many overdoses, so many thefts to get money for dope or pills - that energy that I saw when I first started was gone. The drug problem here has been massive and has claimed a lot of lives. Many of whom were people I didn't even know had a drug problem. And I think that's one of the biggest problem we take on today working in housing. Especially in big cities in the middle of downtown in SRO (single room occupancy) places like the 'Y', you have people who sit in those little rooms and don't talk to anyone and never go anywhere. The loneliness is palpable. It's not hard to see why these addictions to substances that make someone feel happy and euphoric begin.
I have a ton of stories about crazy stuff...there was a 3rd story apartment that was empty, or so I thought. I got a call from the cops asking for permission to the apartment so I go over there to find out 3 drug dealer squatters were living there. I kicked the door open since they had barricaded it. they then jumped to the next buildings roof and made a break for it. but left goodies behind. which included a ps3, 4 games, 3 remotes, a 42in Sony flatscreen tv, a fridge full of food. needless to say I got a free rv and ps3 that day.
I lived in an apartment building and my next door neighbors were a Japanese family that owned a sushi place around the corner. One day I noticed them moving all their stuff out and asked the caretaker what was going on. He said he figured out they were cooking all of the restaurant food in their apartment and then carrying it around the corner.
I've had a tenant renting a room for a month before the other tenants and yours truly discovered that she was a prostitute working from home.
Took me 3 weeks to realize that a new person coming over every day between 1 and 2:30 in the afternoon was suspicious.
We rented apartments with autonomous heating and in one apartment from one time and on the usage of heating in the winter was minimum ( the tennant lives over 5 years in the same apartment).
After he left we found out that he had disabled the regulator in order to have hot water when the rest of the apartments used the heating. So every one paid his comfort.
Guess strange might not be the most accurate word. Wild maybe.
We had a family in one of our houses who we struggled to get rent from regularly before they eventually got evicted. Which landlords know is a goddamn awful process when they want to resist.
Well we end up having to get an entirely new water meter installed when they're finally gone.
Turned out they were never paying their bills and cooking meth. When the power got shut off they stole it. Which isn't unheard of.
But they somehow stole water too and the water company came out and removed the entire water system. We spent a lot of money getting that fixed.
Rented an apartment to a nice family; mom, dad, three young kids. Always paid rent, were always easy to deal with, never reported any problems. Model tenants, right?
A week after they move out, grandfather goes in to check the place out to sign off on security deposit and get the place ready for next tenants.
Everything was gone. Everything. Little stuff like curtains and light bulbs, but also the curtain hooks, rods, and light fixtures. Carpets. Interior doorknobs. Light switches, power outlets, and most of the associated wiring. The dishwasher, oven, kitchen sink, toilet. An attempt had been made on the bathtub, and that ended up being the only fixture in the place not taken.
Court happened. Grandparents were awarded almost the entire value of the apartment in compensation.
My parents bought a place that they were renting to my brother and his friends throughout university and they would sublet it out for the summers. Anyways... some random day when I was in high school there was a knock on the door. Standing there was these two incredibly gorgeous women and their boyfriends. They explained that they were subletting from my parents and handed me an envelope of cash containing the damage deposit and all four months of rent for the four of them... in cash. I assumed they were involved in organized crime somehow. Nope. They were porn stars. 6 months later one of my brother's friends found all the pornos that they had been filming all over my parent's house.
My dad rented out a property a few years back where the tennant just stopped paying rent. Eventually she gets evicted and dad goes in to clear up and dispose of her stuff....
Well turns out she'd be using it as a brothel.
Loads of 'sexy' costumes. Oodles of porn. Just what you'd expect really. And a little black book of clients.
Evicted a hoarder tenant after some serious issues with their cleanliness and late rent issues. Their hygiene was so bad that other people in the complex were actually complaining, and upon walkthrough I found some serious issues that were causing mold and other damage to the unit. One being that the toilet had fully over capacity and was filled with stagnant old feces.
Anyways about a week after cleaning out the unit, fixing the damage, and assisting the old tenant with finding new residence, the owner of the other unit called me Concerned because the smell coming from the unit was still present. I Realized we hadn't cleaned the garage.
When we went over, we opened it up, we found trash bags. Many. Old moldy fast food. Some trash. But lots of sh!t.
Father-in-law and I are landlords; mine are upscale places, but his are more lower rent types. Anyway a murder had been committed in one of his small two room cottages. The coroner had removed the body and the police had finished their investigation so we were cleared to clean up the place.
There was no one you could hire to do this cleanup back then so we did it ourselves. The victim had been stabbed in his bed so the mattress was a huge sponge soaked in blood. The perpetrator had dragged the body off the bed and out to his car. There was this long blood smear across the bedroom floor, through the living room floor and across the porch where the body had been loaded into a car.
The police had gone through the rooms with a huge black marker pen making big circles around anything they thought important; like holes in the couch could maybe be bullet holes, they put a big felt marker circle around the holes. Sofa is now junk, it and the blood-soaked mattress went to the dump. Blood cleaned off the floors.
A suspect had been pulled over, the empty trunk of his car was filled with blood but NO BODY, so he wasn't charged. Never found out if anyone was charged or convicted for that murder. Cottage cleaned up we put it up for rent again.
When I was younger, my mother rented out our basement suite to a woman and her grown son. She was dressed well and had great manners, the whole nine yards. After a while we noticed people coming all hours of the night, but no excessive noise, so my mom had no issues. After two months she didn't pay the third months full rent so my mom decided she'd just add it to the next month as a little leeway. The next months rent was the same, just a little, not the full amount. This is where things started to get weird and go down hill. One night my mom was taking out the garbage and saw the woman and her son making out behind the garage in the alleyway. My mom was shook and I remember her coming into the house as white as a ghost.
The next little while whenever she saw them they were really touchy feely and I remember the woman didn't look like how she did when she first showed up. She was haggard and her eyes looked sunken and her hair was ratty. She became pregnant soon after and I remember my mom and grandma talking in hushed tones about how she's having her son's child. It was scandalous. It took my mom close to a year to kick her out, she had to go through the courts and a lot of the rights are in favour of the tenants so we had a long uphill battle. But we finally got her out where the bailiffs came and she could grab whatever she wanted to take with her.
She left a lot behind and my mom had to clean it up and this place was a mess. Dirty clothes, diapers, and best of all, needles. So many needles all over the place. It looked like a dump site for junkies.
Manage office buildings. One that comes to mind is a tenant that knew for some time they were going bankrupt and handled it in the worst possible way. Rather than tell us they moved out in the middle of the night. So instead of happily finding a new tenant in the several months they paid (building was 100% occupied and new tenants were about 10% above their rent) our legal team went after them. Ended up getting in to personal assets of the owner because we were entitled to several more years rent and unamortized costs under their lease.
They also left furniture electronics and supplies worth about two years rent in their space for us to claim and sell. Yet they took some rented or leased OT and office equipment and had vendors hunting them down.
Had a tenant that was raising birds and would just hose down the bird poop and the water would cause a leak for the neighbour downstairs. And left a bad smell in the building. We asked him to leave so before he left he poured cement down every hole in the apartment (sinks toilets. Bathtub. Gutters). Needless to say repairs to get the apartment ready for the next tenant wasn't easy.
Rented to a family (mom, dad and son) that practiced Santaria. My wife entered the property and found a decapitated sheep hanging in the garage. There was a pentagram drawn on the floor beneath the carcass. She ran home screaming "Call 911 call 911!" Turns out there's no law against sacrificing a sheep in our town.
Alright boys and girls, hold onto your hats cuz I got a story for you.
The tale of Two dead bodies.
- There was this one particular property I was involved with a few years back... it wasn't a particularly bad property, but it wasn't necessarily a great one either... mostly due to minor stupid things... like people stealing random sh!t like two large blue recycling bins went missing one summer... we figured it was most likely local university kids using them for some drunk stunt or whatever... Jackass was popular back then and it was a university neighbourhood.
So on one fine summer weekend the on-site super gets a complaint that there is a horrible stench in the hallway on one of the floors. He heads over to investigate, upon arrival the smell is overpowering... anyone that has experienced decomposing bodies knows the smell all too well. The super proceeds to enter the apartment that the stench seems to be emanating from, and he immediately discovers a guy keeled over, back of his head bludgeoned to smithereens, face down on the couch. Blood is splattered everywhere and it was pretty recent by the looks of it.
So the super calls the cops who come in, cordoned the apartment and do whatever it is they need to do, the coroner removes the body, and everyone is gone after several hours. The body had ID, and it was NOT the renter. This is an important detail... the renter was nowhere to be found. The cops obviously peg the renter as the main suspect, they now need to find him. Low and behold they find him a couple of blocks away at a bar having the time of his life. They pick him up for questioning, he admits to the murder of random dude, and that's that... case closed right? Na uh... now when the police inform him he's being charged with one account of murder supposedly he responded by saying something along the lines of "Ay, just one?! That's great, there's at least one more in there."
... the cops were completely bewildered... there was a second body and somehow NO ONE seemed to have noticed it. Very odd considering they had cordoned the apartment and conducted an investigation or whatever. So confused they quickly called the on-site super to stand by and unlock the apartment when they arrive, they're coming back to take another look around the apartment. Long story short they show up, cops and super enter the unit, stench is still as strong as ever and finally the super makes the discovery. In a closet is one of the missing large blue bins, the second body (female) was inside. Why the cops didn't think to look inside of an obviously out of place giant blue recycle bin that clearly doesn't belong in an apartment and is hidden (barely) in a closet is beyond me.
So what was the story here... simply the killer's girlfriend was cheating on him, he finds out and kills both. Stealing the buildings blue recycle bin and stuffing the girlfriend in it and shoving it in his closet.
Now the part that still irks me to this day... we had two blue recycle bins stolen... we only found one of them... and the killer admitted there was "AT LEAST ONE MORE IN THERE"... as in there is at least one more in the apartment, but also maybe Hinting at the possibility there's another body (in a blue bin?) somewhere. What are the chances we had two bins stolen around the same time by different people... too much of a coincidence if you ask me.
Now for those very perceptive readers out there... how is it that the woman's body was decomposing and rancid, but the dude was freshly bludgeoned? I left out some details that I will now share with you. Apparently the killer discovered his girlfriends infidelity several weeks prior... when he found out, he killed her, stuffed her in the bin and shoved it in his closet. Knowing he was running on borrowed time and not giving any f***s about life from that point forward, he gave his notice that he was vacating (60 days legal notice is the requirement in my area) and planned to bugger off into the sunset at some point. Meanwhile, for a couple of weeks our leasing staff proceeded to show the unit to prospective renters... and one peculiar issue that was discussed was that the unit had a very bad odour when entering it, and the renter always apologized for the smell making excuses that it was his girlfriend and some such nonsense that honestly the leasing staff weren't paid enough to care. They had several apartments to rent, they eventually focused on others and figured they'd let maintenance sort out the smell issue when the resident moves out.
So initially for weeks people had been entering the apartment smelling the rancid smell of a decomposing dead body that had been shoved hidden away in the closet. Oh my god yuck...
As for the dude who got killed, after not being able to contact the girl, he must have been concerned and come looking for her... which is when the killer exacted revenge to the back of his skull.
I got plenty more great stories, but this one by far stands out as the most insane/interesting/funny/cringy story I have from my days in operation.
I had a tenant I had to evict. Found that he had taken out the electric hot water heater & installed his own (not approved for houses) gas hot water on demand. He replaced the electric dryer and the electric stove with gas units all by himself without a certified professional. All in 4 months. Cost me $4000 to fix the damage
My grandma was renting out the bottom half of our duplex for a long while. We ended up evicting the tenants for not paying rent. Well several days after they left we heard strange noises coming from down stairs. We thought they had broken in the house.
Finally after looking around we found an older black cat. They gave their cat a bowl of water and some dry food and left the poor thing there for us to find. They had stashed the water and food in the back of the closet and we didn't see it when we changed the locks. Cat lived with us for a year or so until it got out the house and became an outdoor cat.
My Mom rented our old house to a nice young couple with a newborn. A year later the wife called to say she was moving out because the husband was shot and killed in a bank robbery in Florida. Apparently he travelled around the country robbing banks.
I had a restaurant rent my storefront for their dining room. They did a quick renovation of the space to repaint and remove all the shelves and counters from a small pharmacy that was there before. Instead of hiring a dumpster they piled all the construction debris in my basement.
I was doing a property investigation at an apartment complex for new purchase. The second floor tenant tore out the entire kitchen and lined the floor with plastic and filled it with water, 18 inches deep for an orgy. It was nsane. We noped out on that property after that.
I've had family that worked in property management, and the one story that sticks with me, was that one tenant managed to get a jar of peanut butter into the toilet pipe.
We're not sure how this happened, because we're pretty sure a couple laws of physics were broken doing it. It was a plumber hired to fix the toilet and... he was the one that found it.
Tenants skipped town owing one month's rent. Left a ton of stuff behind, including: a bottle of HIV meds, several perfectly good mid range watches, lots of special edition gaming merch, and the entire back wall of the garage was lined with heavy duty trash bags that were filled with used kitty litter.
My parents had rented out an apartment to an Indian couple who had a 5 year-old boy. When it came time for them to leave my parents went to do the routine check and found all the corners of the walls were chewed roughly three feet up from the ground.
Turns out their son would gnaw on the walls because he had some sort of calcium deficiency. The parents tried to argue that it wasn't their fault and that they wouldn't pay. Eventually my parents got them to pay for the damages and then sold the apartment.
My grandparents rent out rooms in their house. They rented one out to this guy who kept all of his dirty dishes in a suitcase in the closet with empty BBQ containers from fast food spots. My grandparents provided all the dishes and had a dishwasher they just asked that the tenants rinse and they would load them. It was odd.
Dudes mom in the unfinished basement that wasn't fit for human habitation. It was sealed off, and had to be accessed from outside. Basically just the furnace room. She was in a hospital bed and buckets laying around.
I got a great deal on a house because of one of these.
My former landlord showed up to an empty house needing a complete renovation. Broken windows, blood. Walls had been knocked down. Electricity rewired to bypass the meter. Remnants of a grow-house.
And a nice friendly note from the DEA demanding that he proved he was not involved.
The funny part to me was that he had a security screen door on the front of the house that apparently was too hard for the DEA to bust through. So they broke down three doors on the side of the house.
The next door neighbor was a sheriff and had no idea until the raid.
Cities. Those things we live in.
What city would you never, ever, EVER live in?
These places, while inhabited by a good number of people, aren't exactly the kind of spots you would want to go back to on a repeat visit.
Transformed Into Something Unsettling
"For me, it's Mecca. It's beautiful, but it's just not for an openly gay Western dude like me."
"Same with Tehran."
"Im surprised you think Mecca is beautiful lol. I, along with almost every Muslim I know, hates what has happened to that place. The skyscrapers are extremely ugly (especially that goddam clock tower) and overshadow the beauty of the mosque. Almost all historical sites are gone except for the Kabah. I know they need infrastructure to handle all the people but they did it in the worst way possible."
"Mecca like almost every other Arabian city has turned into places for rich Saudis to show their wealth and almost nothing else."
"Irvington, NJ - My friend told me to run through every red light and not stop at any cost after I dropped her off at her apartment. Her wise words phased me as I stopped at the first red light. 3 seconds later a huge motherf-cker with a crowbar starts heading in my direction. 3 red lights all while screaming toward McCarter Highway."
"The following week my car was stolen while I was attending classes in Newark and they used my car to rob a liquor store in Irvington, NJ. Literally only owned my car for 2 weeks."
"F-ck Irvington, NJ."
The Literal Fast And The Furious
"Cairo, Egypt. 19 million people, 23 million cars, no stoplights. On a 3 lane road, you have 5 lanes of traffic, left shoulder, straddling first white line, middle lane, straddling 2nd white line, and right shoulder! When we visited, our tour guide told us we needed 3 things to drive there…"good brakes, good horns & good nerves!"
Cars are bumper to bumper, and then people are crossing the street in between the cars, walking, in wheelchairs, pushing baby strollers! Then along beside our bus, comes someone riding a donkey! Crazy. Soldiers with machine guns on the street corners, we even had an armed guard on our tour bus."
Then there are some cities, some you might never have visited, which have generated enough discussion and gotten enough publicity to be actively awful in your mind. You don't have to have gone there to know you never want to be there.
A Place To Skip Completely
"Mumbai. Even if I was financially secure, I couldn't stand seeing all the poverty and squalor all the time. It would weigh on me."
"A friend of a friend spent six months riding his motorcycle from London to Chennai. He recorded everything in his journal in excruciating detail except for Mumbai. There was only one sentence about Mumbai. It was about driving around Mumbai. He did everything you could imagine on the way, but decided to skip Mumbai completely."
Not All Of It. Just Some Of It.
"Paris. I used to hate all French people because of my experiences there, and then I met one who explained that there's basically two Frances; Paris and everywhere else, and then we bonded over bad mouthing the place and now my antipathy is more precise."
It's All In The Family
"LA, if you want half quality people, air, and living for double the price and problems, it might be for you"
"I have friends who live in LA, and swear it's awesome. But they actually live in Rancho Palos Verdes, in their parent's mansions."
And then there's cities like these.
Cities so bad an introduction isn't required.
What's Your Excuse?
"The Simpsons summed it up perfectly: "We were born here, what's your excuse?"
"I can laugh at this because I'm from Thunder Bay"
Booze. Sex. Sin. All The Best Family Values.
"Las Vegas. Fun to visit, but not where I'd want to raise my family."
"I think my first realization that people grow up and live in Las Vegas was at 16 or so when watching Criminal Minds and hearing that Spencer Reid grew up there. It was that record scratch moment. Wait, people LIVE IN and raise their babies in the city of sex, sin, and gambling? I felt stupid, of course, upon realizing that all the casino workers and strippers have to live somewhere, and might fall in love, and might marry and have kids."
"And then I had a second life-changing revelation when I realized people probably feel the exact same way about my home city, Miami. I was raised there and lived there for 2 decades. A lot of people have no concept of Miami outside TV and probably think my parents are horrible people who raised me in a den of yachts, Pitbull, cocaine, dirty money, bad boob jobs, and spring breakers. Meanwhile I actually lived in a very normal and boring suburb."
A Slow Decline Over Time
"Gary Indiana. Went through there when heading to O'hare & was not impressed. heard multiple gunshots when driving through."
"So I literally learned about Gary, Indiana from these threads where it always pops up as one of the worst places to live or be. Could you explain why it is so sh-tty?"
"Long story made short, Gary was a good place to live. Nice paying steel industry jobs. That went away. High crime rate, high poverty rate, and empty, falling down buildings everywhere. I used to live in Chicago and would avoid Gary when traveling at all cost."
Each city is different. What works for some might not be what works for others.
However, it does feel like some of these cities need to be at the top of your "Never Visit" list, don't they?
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Sex is fun. Sex is healthy. Sex should be enjoyed and always consensual. But often, sex can be dangerous, especially when you're trying out new things, like a new location.
Who hasn't thought about upping the adrenaline ante when it comes to sexytime? We've all been there. But some ideas really should just stay ideas.
Why break a hip or an arm just to make things a little more saucy? Just try a different room in the house, or the backyard, but bring bug spray.
And some areas in public are safety hazards for a reason.
Redditor u/playfulinvestment01 wanted to know about all the places we need to avoid when it's sexytime, by asking:
What is the worst place you had sex?
I can tell you from experience that airplanes are not a good idea. Don't ask me how I know. A lady never kisses and tells, but highlights are ok. There will never be enough room and the movies are lying.
Like Glue...Melissa Mccarthy Falling GIFGiphy
"I lived in Australia for a bit and our studio had this black pleather couch. It looked exactly like that casting couch meme so we tried it for fun once. My ex sweats a lot even when it's not 40C out, but it was and we stuck to the couch like glue."
"On a hike in a wildlife refuge. We went off the trail to a more remote area. Was all fun and games tell I got stung on the penis. Was after the event had ended when I was briefly exposed, the little moron went right at me. We joke about it regularly, I'd say it comes up monthly. Just out of the blue she will say "hey remember when you got stung on your penis?" Yes, I remember and will never forget."
Up a Tree
"A "treehouse" that was actually a plywood shack on 6' stilts. It was pretty old and the plywood was splintery, so he laid down an old towel for me (you know, like a gentleman.) Also it was too small for me to fit in any direction, so my head stuck out the door. I stared at the sky and just... And that's the story of how I lost my virginity! A close second would be the bed in his semi-abandoned house full of the semi-abandoned hoarded belongings of his mother. But that's a different story."
"Met a girl online and we tried to do it at the park. A cop showed up before we started and told us we had to leave. We went back to our cars which was at a small shopping mall. We went behind the shopping mall and got it on behind a dumpster. It worked out well so we met up there again a week later. Except that time, as we were walking away, a dump truck picked the dumpster to empty the trash. Was hilarious at the time but frightening looking back on it. This was about 10 years ago."
Keyed OffPiano Performing GIFGiphy
"I don't recommend on top of a piano. Very uncomfortable and not at all the experience we envisioned."
Scratchy...Screaming The Voice GIF by NBCGiphy
"Bottom of cliff next to the ocean. Turns out I have an allergic reaction to coral and my back was scratched the hell up from it. It was windy, wet, and itchy. Runner up is a movie theatre."
"In a literal smoke house... lost my virginity with about 50 rings of deer sausage hanging around to dry. My friend and his dad were gone and we were like "this seems like a great place!" At least when I went home I smelled like venison instead of sex."
"I'm not sure if this counts because we didn't get very far. But In a Burger King parking lot… He had a car, so we would park it someplace and hook up in the tiny little two-seater. I was sitting astride him and most of my clothes were off when he froze. I looked over my shoulder and the once abandoned parking lot was abandoned no more. A family of four were just staring at us through the windshield. We didn't know what to do so I just put my shirt back on and we drove away."
"we can hear everything"
"My childhood house had an enclosed porch that was level with my parents' bedroom window (it's hard to explain). You couldn't see into the porch from the window, but if the porch windows were open and the bedroom windows were open you could hear everything from either room."
"So my now husband and I were trying to have sex in that porch, having opened the windows cuz it was hot AH. My parents usually never opened their window and it was past ten, when they usually went to sleep. We weren't trying to be loud, but apparently we were."
"After we were done, I checked my phone and I had 5 missed calls and a text from my mother saying "we can hear everything" and "please at least use a condom". We didn't acknowledge it at the time but my mom got drunk a few years ago and told my aunt the story and said she was worried she was hearing the conception of her grandchild."
Ivy!jerry seinfeld help GIF by HULUGiphy
"After a drunken night on 6th st in Austin, girl and I were walking down red river st, she drags me in this bushy grassy area, we go at it, finish, call an Uber to west campus, continue going at it. The next day, we are super itchy, come to find later it was poison ivy, got it all over our genitals. Fun times. 10/10 would do it again though."
Also, be careful when and if you do it on a bus. You're never fully out of the driver's line of sight. Don't ask me how I know, I just do. Be careful out there but have fun.
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Being a parent is one of the greatest challenges you'll face.
What did your parents do to you that made you promise that you would never do that to your own children?
You won't be in charge of your child forever. At some point, they're going to go out into the larger world, interact with other people, and suddenly all those little tics and quirks they developed at home will start to hamper their social progress.
Never Able To Hit The Pick-Up Time
"They always had me late or last minute to everything. I'll never do that to my kids because, having it done to me, I know it's all the parents fault."
"That feeling, when you are the last kid to be picked up after a school event that they didn't attend, and my teacher asking if I called, and if she said she was on her way, and how far away we lived, and then a big sigh while we continued to wait, in the dark, outside school, after everyone else has gone home, and me just wanting to disappear."
Forcing Them To Miss Out
"I was never allowed to hang out with friends outside of school. I had to go straight home and couldn't stay and hang out or go over to friends houses after school or on weekends. This went well into my senior year of high school. It sucked constantly feeling like I was missing out growing up."
Definition Of Overprotection
"Isolate them from the world."
"Growing up I see now that they wanted to protect me from how sh-tty things were, but now I feel a useless idiot. If I would've known as a kid that I had violent gang-related family, addicts, or that we were on welfare I could've found a desire to do better."
Taking on the care and responsibility of raising another human being to be a smart, compassionate, and well-meaning member of society shouldn't be easy. It should be a challenge.
Downplaying Their Accomplishments
"My parents never thought anything I did was a big deal. I LOVED art class but I remember showing my mom artwork and she'd tell me she could make that herself, ok thanks."
"Ouch, this brought back a painful memory. I always loved to sing but I was shy. I was also bullied and made fun of quite a bit. In highschool I finally joined choir and it helped me come into my own. I won first place awards at State Solo and Ensemble competition, student of the year in choir and even the Directors Award which was the highest honor given. My mom came to none of my performances. Not until Senior Night when I was the only performer singing a solo. I did the cliche song...Memory from the musical Cats. I got a standing ovation!"
"People who would typically refuse to speak to me approached me to tell me that they never would've dreamed I had that big, powerful, voice in me. I was just about floating with happiness and pride when I walked up to my mom and asked her what she thought. Her face twisted like she'd bit a lemon and she wiped out all my good feelings with the words, "Well, it probably isn't a good song for you. You sound like you were ATTEMPTING to sing opera and it's not supposed to sound like that."
Saying They Don't Quite Stack Up
"Compare them to other kids!!"
"This needs to be higher up. It's soooo insidious. Undermines so much about you, engenders the tendency for you to compare yourself to others, makes you needlessly resent the people they compare you to, but most of all, creates a sense that you'll never measure up or be 'good enough', not just for them, but in general."
Unable To Keep Their Minds At Peace
"The amount of anxiety I have/had from money related things is ridiculous. We were never poor, we were broke they just made bad decision after bad decision putting us in a stupid amount of debt"
Perhaps the most important part to remember when raising a child some adults might forget: You are the adult. Deal with your adult matters and let your child be a child. Don't bring them into your petty squabbles or unresolved affairs.
"My parents refused to address issues between my sister and myself. They hate conflict, so it was easier for them to guilt me into doing whatever my sister wanted and then praise me for being "good" than to ever put her in line. Being praised for always giving up what you want can really mess you up."
Lashing Out At The Other
"My parents were divorced since before I can remember. They did not get along very well when I was a kid. There was one weekend in particular where on the way to drop me off my Dad told me "whatever you do, don't end up like your Mother." Get home to Mom, she tells me "whatever you do, don't end up like your Dad." Best advice either of them ever gave me."
Asking The Child To Be The Adult
"They made their problems into problems for the whole family."
"They pulled us into everything. That's not fair to a kid. F-ck, I was straight out asked to fix things between them sometimes. No kid should be even the remotest bit responsible for their parent's relationship or fixing things that are wrong between them. That's f-cked up."
"We all have problems. We're human. No one expects perfection. But if you have a problem with your wife/husband? Don't bring the kid into it. Don't make it the kids' problem. Don't make the pain of the household -- which they're going to feel anyway -- somehow the kid's fault."
Don't want kids? Don't have kids.
Want kids? Be prepared to do everything you can to make sure that child has a supportive, strong upbringing. Don't let the mistakes of the past become the present.
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Animated movies meant for children have been known to sneak in a few dirty jokes here and there. After all, the parents have to sit through the movies with the kids too.
These "Easter eggs" can be found in virtually every movie meant for kids. It may go over our heads when we watch at age 10, but years later when we re-watch to enjoy a bit of nostalgia, we realize just how raunchy the creators were.
It's not just old movies from the 90s or early 2000s, some movies as recent as Frozen 2 have some moments of adult centered levity.
Redditor Pooky135790 wanted to know:
"What are the best adult jokes that are hidden in kids movies?"
These scenes really had us rolling.
Shrek definitely has a few innuendos.
"In Shrek talking about Snow White:"
"'Although she lives with 7 other men, she's not easy.'"
"Gets me every time!"
"The whole Duloc opening scene with the singing puppets. 'Please keep off of the grass, shine your shoes, wipe your…….face.'"
"Also in Shrek: when they get to Farquuad's castle, they note the large size of it, and Shrek asks if Farquuad is compensating for something."
"Kids will think it's a joke about his height."
"Adults will think it's a joke about his other kind of height."Giphy
Cars had plenty of jokes.
"In Cars when the two Miata ladies flash their pop-ups at McQueen"
"I didn't realize for years that that was the connotation."
"Look at that scene again and look at the photographers behind Mia."
"It took me a second but I think the one directly in the middle is zooming in on their posteriors lmfao."
- -Paintlightning mcqueen car GIF by Disney PixarGiphy
"Also the Piston Cup. 'He did what in his cup?!' Funny enough 10 year old me got that and my dad didn't."
Robots had it's fair share of moments.
"In Robots the [father of the] main character and his wife get the parts for their robot child and exclaim, 'Making the baby's the fun part!'"
"Also the old lady bot, Aunt Fanny, has a lot of junk in her trunk."
"There is that one scene from Ratatouille, when Linguini is about to confess about how Remy is in his hat cooking for him, and says 'I... have... a little... tiny...' and right after he says tiny, Collette quickly glances down at his pants. I never even noticed it until someone pointed it out to me because it is pretty subtle and can be easy to miss."
"Seriously the best dick joke in a kid's movie."
"That and the time when the short lil chef guy catches linguini in the pantry and says, 'One can become to familiar with vegetables, you know!'"Giphy
Coco really went there!
"In Coco, everybody laughs when they say Hector died 'choking on chorizo.'"
"'Choking on chorizo' is Mexican slang for sucking d*ck."
"I mean the song Hector sings to his dying friend has the implied, but not spoken, lyrics: 'And her tits they drag on the floor...' (he says 'knuckles' but the guy shouts, 'those aren't the words!')."
What a forgotten gem Monster House was.
"'That's it's uvula!' 'Oh.... So it's a girl house....'"
"Rick and Morty gets a lot of hate around here because of the sh*tty fan base, but Dan Harmon is a genuinely funny writer."
"Could not BELIEVE Dan Harmon was a writer on this 'til I googled Monster House; your point is a good one lol."
Even in Frozen.
"'Foot size doesn't matter' - when Anna from Frozen talks about her fiancé."
"Frozen 2, 'I like you better in leather anyway' when Kristoff dresses up for Anna at the end."
"My boyfriend and roommate and I all watched it and all three of us spat our drinks at that and we all did the 'Did we just hear what we think we heard?' look. Then we laughed for like 10 solid minutes."
Not a movie, but still good.
"There was an episode of Dexter's laboratory where the father kept going on about Dexter's mother's muffin, and saying he only married her for her muffin. The whole episode was filled with innuendo."
"'Your father is a muffin fiend, a muff-o-maniac, just the aroma can make him crazy.' Lol. Had to see it for myself."
"Season 2 ep 18 The Muffin King."
"There was the episode about DeeDee and Dexter having decoder rings! DeeDee says Dexter's club is for big 'I-D-K-S-C' Dexter decodes it, gasps, and says he's gonna tell mom. Lol."Giphy
Children's shows may be for kids entertainment, but they're created by adults. No doubt they're going to slip in a few naughty jokes here and there.
Time to re-watch some old favorites and see what we missed when we were younger.