It's not easy being insecure.
You've earned your place in a school or a job that seems way out of your league. But now, you're there, and you are expected to pull your own weight. But you don't feel equipped to do so---how do you manage?
u/HandleWithDelight asked:
Here were some of the answers.
Nerds Droppin' Elbows
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Academic here : a lot of us suffer from this syndrome. Positions are so difficult to obtain that a lot of us almost feel guilty when we get one : all academics know colleagues that were as bright, if not brighter than themselves, that couldn't be hired or left the academic world. Therefore, there is this permanent feeling that we might not fully deserve this position and that at some point someone will discover that we are not as bright, as deserving as they think.
So you keep pushing, you keep working harder, overtime, on week-end, during holidays, just to convince yourself that you belong here. And it's hard, because when you work in academia, you encounter frequently people who are factually geniuses, who are out there in terms of cognitive possibilities : their brain just don't work like yours, really, there is no way that even through hard work you can achieve their level of understanding of a discipline, of methods, etc.
In addition, academia is very competitive : frustration, bullying, d!ck-size contests, public humiliation are part of the 'scientific debate' unfortunately and it really doesn't help regarding the impostor syndrome. Meanwhile I try to promote 'kindness', but it's very very difficult.
I'm a faculty, for 20 years now, one of the youngest ever hired in my field and there is not a single day where I don't have this fear that one day I will be unveiled as an impostor. It's tiring, depressing, hard. But there is one thing that keeps me afloat : teaching. I may not be a great scientist, but I'm a decent professor : being in the arena, among students, explaining, describing, questioning these young, and often brilliant minds is the only thing that I find fully satisfying. It gives meaning to my life really. And that's how I cope with the syndrome, because I know that in my classroom, at least, I'm useful to somebody.
Don't Make Me Decide
I feel it almost every day. Especially when a decision comes down to me. It's like really? You're going to let me decide something that will affect employees for years to come? Are you sure this is a good idea?
I just push forward anyways and am not afraid to ask for advice and opinions. Lots of communication helps for me at least
Even If It Were Your Life's Work
I'm retired now. I went to lunch with an old boss/friend my last day and confessed to him that I was relieved to be getting out before they all realized I'd been making everything up all along.
Finding A Groove
I've felt this way the entire time I've been at my current job. In my last job I migrated from tech support to development, and my current job I was simply hired on as dev.
I'm one of those self-taught types, so I don't have any degree to back me up. I mean, I read up on good practice, I look at code samples and study design patterns and even worked on getting my math up to snuff.
I mean, they seem to think I'm okay, I've been employed here three years now. Still, I'm absolutely convinced I'll make some simple but stunningly amateur mistake and get kicked to the curb.
Little Love Notes
My brain, at baseline, is a swirling vortex of fear and negativity. I experience imposter syndrome often. All the time. All through grad school and in my career. I basically need my boss to explicitly say "you're doing a good job" and I need to hear my colleagues say "we appreciate the work you're doing for the team" and I need to see really concrete, explicit evidence that my clients are making progress or I just feel like a sham, a trash person, an imposter.
I write little notes of affirmation to myself when I'm not getting enough feedback from my team. I'll put post it notes around my desk that say "you deserve to be here", "20 people interviewed for this position and you got it", "you passed all licensing exams because you're smart". And those notes will usually calm me down.
We Are All Impostors
Being a Software Engineer that about sums up my experience at least first 2 years in the field and still comes up once in a while when I find a huge hole in my knowledge. The way I overcome it is realize that:
- I don't know everything.
- They (others) don't know everything.
- I know what they might not know.
- They know what I might not know.
- Stop comparing yourself to others.
- Look at what you learned, achieved, created and realize "I might be an idiot but I managed to do this, so even if I'm an idiot I'm damn capable one for sure."
- Realize not knowing something is temporary if you've the attitude to learn.
The Law Isn't A Popularity Contest
I'm a lawyer and every day I wonder if the judges and my fellow attorneys are taking pity on me for being such a blithering idiot. But then I realize I've been doing this for 5 years, and law is not a career where the other side cares about your feelings.
When The Stakes Are High
For what it's worth, my situation is that I'm a support worker for people with disabilities(primarily acquired brain injuries, but a couple of other conditions as well). Some require a staff 24/7, but others only have a certain amount of hours a week, etc. My educational background is as a child and youth worker, and I fell into this field because a lot the training and skills are transferable.
Depending on which site I work at and how scheduling goes, I work with about 8-9 different clients. Every single g*ddamned day, I doubt how I handle a situation at least once, and I feel like I lack the necessary knowledge and confidence to do my job in an outstandingly skilled way.
I feel like half my coworkers secretly hate me, despite a lack of outward evidence. Some clients, I simply can't develop a rapport with no matter how hard I try. The list goes on.
But I do the job, almost every day, and I don't see myself quitting anytime soon. I know there isn't an easy fix to how I feel. I just hope that I grow more confident over time.
How Does One "Become Secure"
i recently became a programmer. most people experience imposter syndrome in any skills-based field. it's hard to overcome—i haven't. confidence is everything. building confidence comes from consistent effort and becoming secure in oneself. that's the only way to overcome imposter syndrome.
Probably Gonna Get Pulled Over
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I just got my license a month ago and every time I drive alone I feel like a little kid who shouldn't be allowed to drive. I'm terrified of being pulled over for anything even though I am legally allowed to drive and I don't do anything illegal while doing so (except speeding ig). It doesn't help that I'm not the best driver so I feel like all of these adults on the road are watching and judging me.
Imparting Wisdom
In my early 20's I decided I wanted to be a software engineer. So I started spending my free time studying and working on various passion projects. At the same time I was getting my bachelors in Accounting. I would go to school in the morning, internship until 5, then coffee shop until several hours after they kicked me out.
I did this for several years and all the while was absolutely sure that despite how much time I spent and how well I prepared, I was nowhere near as talented as the average professional. When I finally went pro, I was pleased to discover that wasn't the case, but I still feel like I may have missed some fundamental lesson that any classically-trained developer would know.
In the end, I think the more you discover, the more you are afraid of what you don't know you don't know.
The Paralyzing Fear Of Life
Probably everybody can relate to this, I think. I don't know about myself though because I actually don't get much done at all. I used to be productive I'd say but who knows anymore. I'm legitimately afraid to leave the house and think my phone's hacked, and I could take an antipsychotic but should I? What if my paranoia is justified? It seems like people on Reddit are reading my mind, or reflecting my thoughts back at me, basically implying that I'm a judgmental piece of sh*t. If we're actually anonymous, sure, but it's starting to get really strange.
Maybe I have a depersonalization personality disorder.
Is that imposter syndrome talking? I really don't know. I realize I do probably come across as a judgmental *sshole and I don't know how to cope with it or change it.
Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanks
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I'm pretty darn young for the role that I currently have at a big company, and I got very self-conscious over my first few months. I particularly still struggle with standing up for myself when clients or my peers are asking for too much because I don't see myself as equal or superior to them since I'm basically a 12 year old.
My therapist gave me incredible advice. If you say "sorry" a lot in emails, replace it with a phrase along the lines of "thank you". For example, instead of "sorry this took so long," say "thank you for being so patient!" It's been boosting my confidence and making me feel like I have more control and power. I also pretend I'm writing emails on behalf of the people I look up to most in my job - that typically allows me to act a bit more tough.
I Know ALL The Physics!
Physics undergrad here. I experience imposter syndrome almost daily. Sitting in a lecture or doing an assignment and seeing a definition or equation I should definitely understand and thinking it looks like gibberish until something simple is pointed out. Its like I feel like i know absolutely nothing until im pushed and all of a sudden some deep rooted knowledge ends up on the page, and i pray that i havent f*cked it up too bad.
Why Trades Are Important
I work as a lead developer for a big company, making 7-8 times more than some friends I have. I don't have any degrees and it's the first time I ever worked in an office - I freelanced my whole career. Most of the time when we have an issue, I have no idea what to do - I just Google it until I find an answer that maybe works, do that, see why/if it doesn't and google again.
Don't get me wrong, I know stuff, but I can't remember stuff - I even google simple stuff I used hundreds of times before. I'm with them for about a year and every day I feel like they'll figure out they can google stuff too and not have to pay me anymore. I'm not a fraud per se, they're happy with me and I get the job done, but I'm sure that one of these days I'll have something Google won't help me with and I'll be f*cked.
The More You Know, The Less You Feel You Know
This sounds so familiar. I am a student and finished my BA last year with almost perfect grades. I am in my MA in the moment and I have a student job in a company where I want to work later. They love me and hired me for the next project as well.
But I still feel stupid most of the time. I think three things helped me and helping me in this moments.
1.) Say thank you to compliments. In this way you may start to believe it.
2.) Don't compare you with the ideal version of you. Look around you. It sounds mean, but there are so many people, who couldn't do what you do. But that also means that there are also so many people, who can do more than you. So be proud with yourself right now.
3.) Sometimes I forget that my close friends are all as intelligent as I am. Maybe even more. So I don't have a good comparison. Just a good environment to learn. To always improve me. I try to keep that in mind.
- Imposter Syndrome and Social Anxiety Disorder ›
- Are You Suffering From Imposter Syndrome? Here's How To Tell ... ›
- Feel like a fraud? ›
- The five types of impostor syndrome and how to beat them. ›
- What is imposter syndrome and how can you combat it? - Elizabeth ... ›
- What Is Impostor Syndrome? ›
- Yes, Impostor Syndrome is Real: Here's How to Deal With It | Time ›
- The Reality of Imposter Syndrome | Psychology Today ›
- 5 Types of Imposter Syndrome and How to Stop Them - The Muse ›
- Impostor syndrome - Wikipedia ›
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
south park wedding GIF
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.