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Husband Goes On Chore Strike While His Wife Is Pregnant, And The Internet Has Feelings

You need to do your fair share.

Husband Goes On Chore Strike While His Wife Is Pregnant, And The Internet Has Feelings
https://www.pexels.com/photo/pregnancy-pregnant-motherboard-parenthoof-57529/

A pregnancy will lead to massive lifestyle changes. Creating a baby is no easy feat, so diets, work schedules, and sleep schedules all need to shift accordingly. Typically, if both parties involved in the pregnancy are on board and understand that it's a difficult transition to build a human eyeball in a stomach, the 9-month endeavor can go smoothly. If not? Well, then we get a situation like the one below.


Reddit user, u/Anonwife139, raised a few eyebrows when she told her story entitled:



My (30f) husband (36m) has gone on a chore strike

While strangely uncommon for a husband to go on a chore strike, perhaps it's for an understandable reason. Maybe it's to help redistribute the wealth or maybe he has a big project at work coming up and needs to really buckle down. That wouldn't change the fact he's a jerk, but still. It wasn't that, though, as Anonwife139 described:

My husband and I have been married for 6 years. We both work and have usually done a decent job of dividing the chores. I am 7 months pregnant with our first child.

Since becoming pregnant, certain chores have become really tough for me. For example, I have a lot of trouble doing the laundry because I can't bend/lift like I used to. I also struggle with things like cleaning the bathroom because I have to get down on the floor. The doctor has recommended that I cut way back on physical activity as it is.

I sat down with my husband and told him that we need to redistribute the chores and he got very upset. He said that I'm using the pregnancy as an excuse to be lazy and that he shouldn't have to do my chores. I suggested that we swap some chores because his usual chores (cooking, doing dishes) would be much easier for me to handle. He refuses to listen and said that he likes his chores and doesn't want to do mine.

Now I am trying to keep up with my responsibilities but have been falling short. My husband decided that since I'm not doing my half of the chores, he won't do his. Now I feel like I have to do all the essential housework because he refuses to take care of himself, me, or the house. With this on top of the job and the pregnancy, I'm not sure how much more I can handle. How can I address this and help him see how unreasonable he's being?

TLDR my husband refuses to swap chores to accommodate my pregnancy and now won't do chores at all

Giphy

People most definitely had words for her layabout husband.

Let The Professionals Do Their Jobs

Dear god...

Well, I guess if I were you my next step would be to bring him to an OB/GYN appt and have the doctor explain why the chores need to be temporarily swapped. But wow OP. I really, REALLY wonder how your husband is going to handle midnight feedings and such.

jolie178923-15423435

Best Start Talking It Out Now

Good heavens, how's he going to be once you've actually given birth and need time to rest and heal?

I'd insist on marriage counseling, starting right now. For better or worse? Sickness and health? What the actual f-ck is he thinking?

queenoreo

Take It From Someone Who's Been There

My (soon to be ex) husband said almost those exact same words to me - that I was using the pregnancy as an excuse to be lazy. This was in the last couple weeks of pregnancy and I was miserable. He never did very much to help around the house or with our children. I spent another 11 years like that (there were other issues in our marriage, but this was a big one) and it was awful. Don't be me, OP. Set firm boundaries, go to couple's counseling, and if things don't change, leave. I'm sure it's scary to think about that since you have a baby on the way, but I was a single mom with my first child and it was easier than having my second child with my husband. Be strong- you got this.

PapayaPapyrus

Maybe A Big Change Is What You Need

Hey Op, do you live close to your parents or family? I'd suggest given your husband's petulance and lack of support that you move home for a while.

Cuz chores aren't an employment contract. They're the basic things you do to maintain your home and doing more because your spouse is pregnant and can't keep up is an absolute basic thing to expect from your husband.

Given his petulance, it sounds like you two need counselling. But given his current behaviour he's going to say nothing is wrong.

Not to mention physical labour is a bad idea at certain stages of the pregnancy. Basically, that's very little you can do about your husband at the moment (if at all). So move out and go home. Get some help from family or your parents or friends.

And hopefully this is the short, sharp shock he'll need to raise you guys need to talk to a relationship therapist and actually work at it.

(personally his refusal to do chores to begin with in the relationship would have made me dump him all those years back. Ugh. But well I assume there are reasons you want to stay married)

ftjlster

Walk A Ten Feet In Their Shoes

Maybe he should strap a 15-20 lb weight around his stomach and then try and complete his chores!

Fatherhood is going to hit him like a ton of bricks.

Edit: I was told 30 lbs would be more accurate.

TrashPandaManda

Have The Signs Always Been There?

We both work and have usually done a decent job of dividing the chores.
hes always been touchy about the housework. It took a lot of time for me to convince him to do the chores he has now.

Uh huh.

How can I address this and help him see how unreasonable he's being?

At this point? By telling him he can either go with you to a marriage counselor or a divorce lawyer.

He's not just failing to do his chores through negligence. He is actively refusing to be a partner, or a member of your family. It honestly sounds like he doesn't care about you, or the pregnancy, at all.

Honestly, what was your relationship like before you got pregnant? Did you feel loved, cherished, emotionally supported?

ShelfLifeInc

Form A "Reality Check" Intervention

Time to call in the troops for a good old fashioned shaming.

Anyone from his side of the family, friends of his, your doctor, etc. They need to come together & get him to see he needs to cowboy up on this shiz.

You're seven months preggos. You're already doing extra work just by virtue OF GROWING A NEW HUMAN. He can scrub a toilet for a few months. Jesus.

Also, mother of 2 myself. I just read your post to my husband & he had some serious not-nice words for him which I will not repeat here but yeah, your husband/apparent first born is being a dingle. Call in whoever you have to to get him to see reason because what happens AFTER the baby arrives & you're stuck dealing with 4th trimester crap and TWO babies.

WastelandMama

Find Solidarity In Those That Have FIxed Their Situations

I'm currently 9 months pregnant, found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks. Ever since then my husband has:

  • done most of the cooking, dishes, and other kitchen stuff
  • done almost all of the cleaning, especially anything laborious
  • put together the nursery (painting, furniture, fixing the moulding, etc.)
  • attended all of my ob/gyn appts with me
  • run out to buy things for me when I need/want them
  • generally been attentive to my needs

I'm not saying this to brag or be a jerk but because it is what I would expect a father to do. I'm carrying our son--he understands the toll that is taking on my physical and mental health. He loves me and is kind to me. Again, that seems like the bare MINIMUM you should expect from your life partner.

This is not going to get better when you have a baby in the house who cries all the time, needs feeding and changing on the hour, and deprives you both of sleep.

I strongly suggest you go to a counselor now to talk about expectations after the baby is born. And if he can't make some significant change and show some damn empathy.

_cortney_

The Beginning Of The End

This truly is the beginning of the end. This ball of yarn is eventually going to unravel. But, because of everything, naturally, you are going to try to make it work for a while longer. But always keep it in the back of your mind being married to someone that selfish is a house built on sand. Take every step and measure to protect yourself when it ends. Make sure you have income, a job, saving socked away, and your own separate attorney. I know you think we're all crazy for saying stuff like this.

But it is just one of those things that is obvious from a mile away but invisible when up close.

dinosaur_train

Escalation

Pregnancy is hard on your body and uses a lot of energy and resources... does he debate this?

You physically can't take laundry out of the washer at this size... what's his solution?

Your doctor believes your level of physical activity is harming the fetus... does he care?

I think you should move in with your mother for now. He has escalated his "response" by going on strike. Your ONLY OPTION here (other than doing all his chores) is to show him you are also willing to escalate.

ballcladthrow

Shutting Down

I agree with many people here who are saying marriage counseling. However, if he's been great for five years and is just now freaking out, then it's probably because he's freaking out about a lot more than chores. I bet he's the type of guy that likes routine. I would bet that he's scared of how crazy life is going to become after baby is born and this is him acting out.

This is a lot of speculation but I would bet this hits close to home. I would bring this up when you go to marriage counseling. However, he has shut down and you need to talk to someone soon. I don't think you should hit the object button though. Impending fatherhood is terrifying and I don't think everyone remembers that.

Maturity

This seems like a case of you ignoring what he tells you. You shouldn't have to convince your husband to do those work, I understand if you did. But are you truly surprised that he didn't want to do any more housework? Especially when he didn't want to do it in the first place?

While you're saying he's married a lot since you met him, that doesn't mean he's anywhere near mature enough for a baby.

Simple logic says, you are 7 months pregnant, n bending over is hard. Someone who refuses to see that isn't mature.

You have a long battle ahead of you, please open your eyes and prepare yourself to take care of that baby 24/7, because you won't have the energy to convince your husband to take care of your baby with you, you'll be doing that alone and he will barely lift a finger, I've seen it so many times.

unaotradesechable

Omen

Sounds like husband plans on being a Kodak Moment Father. I hope you're ready for him to just abandon you when it comes to baby maintenance and assume that you'll still do the housework in a timely manner even though you haven't slept in a week and you're still in pain and oozing god knows what from the birth.

This is an omen, OP. Husband thinks chores are women's work and you know it. If you still want to roll with this, have your doctor tell him face-to-face.

junjun_pon

More Harm Than Good

My mother has a lifelong hernia because my father refused to lighten her burden after she'd just had a C-section. He said she was being lazy. I was so glad they eventually got divorced because it was indicative of exactly who he f***ing was in every way.

What would a person who loved you do?

fetishiste

People Reveal The Weirdest Thing About Themselves

Reddit user Isitjustmedownhere asked: 'Give an example; how weird are you really?'

Let's get one thing straight: no one is normal. We're all weird in our own ways, and that is actually normal.

Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all have that one strange trait or quirk that outweighs all the other weirdness we possess.

For me, it's the fact that I'm almost 30 years old, and I still have an imaginary friend. Her name is Sarah, she has red hair and green eyes, and I strongly believe that, since I lived in India when I created her and there were no actual people with red hair around, she was based on Daphne Blake from Scooby-Doo.

I also didn't know the name Sarah when I created her, so that came later. I know she's not really there, hence the term 'imaginary friend,' but she's kind of always been around. We all have conversations in our heads; mine are with Sarah. She keeps me on task and efficient.

My mom thinks I'm crazy that I still have an imaginary friend, and writing about her like this makes me think I may actually be crazy, but I don't mind. As I said, we're all weird, and we all have that one trait that outweighs all the other weirdness.

Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share their weird traits.

It all started when Redditor Isitjustmedownhere asked:

"Give an example; how weird are you really?"

Monsters Under My Bed

"My bed doesn't touch any wall."

"Edit: I guess i should clarify im not rich."

– Practical_Eye_3600

"Gosh the monsters can get you from any angle then."

– bikergirlr7

"At first I thought this was a flex on how big your bedroom is, but then I realized you're just a psycho 😁"

– zenOFiniquity8

Can You See Why?

"I bought one of those super-powerful fans to dry a basement carpet. Afterwards, I realized that it can point straight up and that it would be amazing to use on myself post-shower. Now I squeegee my body with my hands, step out of the shower and get blasted by a wide jet of room-temp air. I barely use my towel at all. Wife thinks I'm weird."

– KingBooRadley

Remember

"In 1990 when I was 8 years old and bored on a field trip, I saw a black Oldsmobile Cutlass driving down the street on a hot day to where you could see that mirage like distortion from the heat on the road. I took a “snapshot” by blinking my eyes and told myself “I wonder how long I can remember this image” ….well."

– AquamarineCheetah

"Even before smartphones, I always take "snapshots" by blinking my eyes hoping I'll remember every detail so I can draw it when I get home. Unfortunately, I may have taken so much snapshots that I can no longer remember every detail I want to draw."

"Makes me think my "memory is full.""

– Reasonable-Pirate902

Same, Same

"I have eaten the same lunch every day for the past 4 years and I'm not bored yet."

– OhhGoood

"How f**king big was this lunch when you started?"

– notmyrealnam3

Not Sure Who Was Weirder

"Had a line cook that worked for us for 6 months never said much. My sous chef once told him with no context, "Baw wit da baw daw bang daw bang diggy diggy." The guy smiled, left, and never came back."

– Frostygrunt

Imagination

"I pace around my house for hours listening to music imagining that I have done all the things I simply lack the brain capacity to do, or in some really bizarre scenarios, I can really get immersed in these imaginations sometimes I don't know if this is some form of schizophrenia or what."

– RandomSharinganUser

"I do the same exact thing, sometimes for hours. When I was young it would be a ridiculous amount of time and many years later it’s sort of trickled off into almost nothing (almost). It’s weird but I just thought it’s how my brain processes sh*t."

– Kolkeia

If Only

"Even as an adult I still think that if you are in a car that goes over a cliff; and right as you are about to hit the ground if you jump up you can avoid the damage and will land safely. I know I'm wrong. You shut up. I'm not crying."

– ShotCompetition2593

Pet Food

"As a kid I would snack on my dog's Milkbones."

– drummerskillit

"Haha, I have a clear memory of myself doing this as well. I was around 3 y/o. Needless to say no one was supervising me."

– Isitjustmedownhere

"When I was younger, one of my responsibilities was to feed the pet fish every day. Instead, I would hide under the futon in the spare bedroom and eat the fish food."

– -GateKeep-

My Favorite Subject

"I'm autistic and have always had a thing for insects. My neurotypical best friend and I used to hang out at this local bar to talk to girls, back in the late 90s. One time he claimed that my tendency to circle conversations back to insects was hurting my game. The next time we went to that bar (with a few other friends), he turned and said sternly "No talking about bugs. Or space, or statistics or other bullsh*t but mainly no bugs." I felt like he was losing his mind over nothing."

"It was summer, the bar had its windows open. Our group hit it off with a group of young ladies, We were all chatting and having a good time. I was talking to one of these girls, my buddy was behind her facing away from me talking to a few other people."

"A cloudless sulphur flies in and lands on little thing that holds coasters."

"Cue Jordan Peele sweating gif."

"The girl notices my tension, and asks if I am looking at the leaf. "Actually, that's a lepidoptera called..." I looked at the back of my friend's head, he wasn't looking, "I mean a butterfly..." I poked it and it spread its wings the girl says "oh that's a BUG?!" and I still remember my friend turning around slowly to look at me with chastisement. The ONE thing he told me not to do."

"I was 21, and was completely not aware that I already had a rep for being an oddball. It got worse from there."

– Phormicidae

*Teeth Chatter*

"I bite ice cream sometimes."

RedditbOiiiiiiiiii

"That's how I am with popsicles. My wife shudders every single time."

monobarreller

Never Speak Of This

"I put ice in my milk."

– GTFOakaFOD

"You should keep that kind of thing to yourself. Even when asked."

– We-R-Doomed

"There's some disturbing sh*t in this thread, but this one takes the cake."

– RatonaMuffin

More Than Super Hearing

"I can hear the television while it's on mute."

– Tira13e

"What does it say to you, child?"

– Mama_Skip

Yikes!

"I put mustard on my omelettes."

– Deleted User

"Oh."

– NotCrustOr-filling

Evened Up

"Whenever I say a word and feel like I used a half of my mouth more than the other half, I have to even it out by saying the word again using the other half of my mouth more. If I don't do it correctly, that can go on forever until I feel it's ok."

"I do it silently so I don't creep people out."

– LesPaltaX

"That sounds like a symptom of OCD (I have it myself). Some people with OCD feel like certain actions have to be balanced (like counting or making sure physical movements are even). You should find a therapist who specializes in OCD, because they can help you."

– MoonlightKayla

I totally have the same need for things to be balanced! Guess I'm weird and a little OCD!

Close up face of a woman in bed, staring into the camera
Photo by Jen Theodore

Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.

Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?

But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.

It would be so great to be sure there is something else.

But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.

Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:

"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"

Sensations

Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy

"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."

PeachesnPain

Recovery

"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."

"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."

"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."

good_golly99

Take Me Back

"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."

"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."

rayrayrayray

Free

The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy

"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."

TooReDTooHigh

This is why I hate surgery.

You just never know.

Shocked

Giphy

"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."

Admirable_Buyer6528

The SOB

"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."

"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”

1-cupcake-at-a-time

Colors

"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"

Hannah_LL7

"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"

huntokarrr

The Fog

"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."

"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."

Fluffy-Hotel-5184

Through the Walls

"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."

"She's quite alive and well today."

Hot-Refrigerator6583

Well let's all be happy to be alive.

It seems to be all we have.

Man's waist line
Santhosh Vaithiyanathan/Unsplash

Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.

The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.

Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.

Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:

"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"

Redditors didn't see these coming.

Shiver Me Timbers

"I’m always cold now!"

– Telrom_1

"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."

– r7ndom

"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."

– mr_remy

Drawing Concern

"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."

– dee-fondy

"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"

"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."

– LizardofDeath

Unleashing Insults

"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”

"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."

– alanamablamaspama

Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight

"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."

– KeltarCentauri

"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."

– KatMagic1977

"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."

– Jaew96

These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.

Shopping

"I can buy clothes in any store I want."

– WaySavvyD

"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."

– ganache98012

No More Symptoms

"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."

– colleennicole93

Expanding Capabilities

"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."

– Ramblonius

People Change Their Tune

"How much nicer people are to you."

"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"

– LiZZygsu

"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"

"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"

– awholedamngarden

It's gonna take some getting used to.

Bones Everywhere

"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."

– Princess-Pancake-97

"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."

– bekastrange

Knee Pillow

"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."

– snic2030

"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."

– Strongbad23

More Mobility

"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."

"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."

– dma1965

People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.

But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.

That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.