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When it's your job to fill a position in your workplace, you get all kinds of applicants in. For the most part you're dealing with a mess of qualified people who are all kind of the same. One of them will eventually get the job, and the others will get other jobs elsewhere: but in the meanwhile, some other people might wander into your interviews.

These are the people you have stories about. The ones that you think are going to be just like the next person, and turn out to be wild. The ones you have to clean out your ears for, because you literally can't believe they just said that. How many of those stories can you cull from your memory?


u/TheHendryx asked:

HR and Recruiters, what is an instant "Well, this person isn't getting the job" thing a candidate can do during a job interview for you?

Here were some of those answers.

Back When I Was Dealing...

I was interviewing clerks for a gas station. One was a relative of a friend of my supervisor. He was clean and showed up on time. He also answered every question with "Back when I was selling crack..." My supervisor said I had to hire him, so I did. It went as well as you might imagine.

fire_thorn

Maybe Not The Fire

A woman casually mentioning that she wanted to set her ex on fire. Totally unprompted and unrelated to anything that had been asked. Later, when asked how to handle difficult customers she said she would set them on fire as well.

DjangoVanTango

Retail. In a video game shop. This was a group interview and she was there at the recommendation of someone who already worked in the shop. That person was also there helping with the interviews and kept trying to drop hints to stop talking about setting people on fire but she just kept going.

DjangoVanTango

Never Lie On Your Resume

Had a guy literally SPRINT out of the building.

I wasn't the interviewer, I am a web developer, but as we were trying to hire a second developer I was asked to prepare some basic web development questions.

These were not hard. These were absolute bare basics babies first code stuff.

This guy came in, started interviewing and was apparently doing okay, not fantastic but enough to keep him in consideration. Then he saw that we had a test and he apparently grabbed his bag and ran out of the room. All I saw was this guy sprint full-tilt past the rest of the office, shoulder-barge out the door and run off into the distance, followed by our two directors stumbling out of the interview office laughing uncontrollably.

I guess he lied on his CV?

reverendmalerik

One Word: No

I was interviewing someone who had previously worked at the American embassy in his home country. The language barrier was very difficult and he was having a tough time with the interview. Part way through, he showed me some certificates he received from the embassy job, as awards for good work. The conversation then went like this:

Me: Can you tell me the story about some of these awards?

Him: Huh?

Me: I'd like to know why you received these awards. Maybe you can pick one of them and tell me the story about how you got it.

Him: ...awards?

Me: Yes, these things you're showing me right now. Tell me about them.

Him: They are awards.

Me: Right. Tell me how you received them.

Him: How?

Me: Yes. What did you do to get them?

Him: ...I dunno. It's your embassy, you tell me.

That last bit was the longest sentence he spoke to me during the entire interview.

Seemose

We Don't Need Your Help SIR!

Had a guy who was a little rough but was looking quite promising for a design role. He blew it with me by saying "I'll turn this company around in 6 weeks" and a few more comments along those lines with a theme of "you are currently messing it up".

This is a small successful company. I wanted him to fit in, not "turn us round".

wivsi

Yeah, No.  None Of That.

Friend of a friend (call him Bob for short) got a job despite not being the best "qualified" candidate.

Down to the final two for a teaching job, there was Bob who was a solid, unremarkable candidate. Clearly good enough for the role but nothing special about him.as a candidate... and then there was Charlie. Charlie was an absolute rock star teacher. Won awards, young dynamic and driven, outstanding teaching demo, just the nicest guy who had glowing references.

Then they asked "any questions?" and he replied "could you tell me if you'd have a problem with a teacher dating a student?"

...yes. yes they would.

Bob got the job.

mkaibear

Sales Ain't Tech

So many:

  • making comments about getting into an employees skirt as they walked past (also how to get reported to HR before even getting the job).
  • explaining how they took copies of all the companies code home.
  • explaining how they used to work two jobs at once, pretending to work for one from home
  • explaining how they program games for their playstation with notepad... While being interviewed by programmers for a sales role
  • telling the interviewer that the problem they are trying to solve is impossible (even though it was literally 3 lines of code... It was a warm up question)

Ah...Nope, We Don't Love That Answer

I worked for a big, well known company and we were recruiting interns straight out of college. The questions are more of a get to know you questions, rather than actual knowledge of the work or experience. The company actually gave us a paper with some example questions, like the one below, that we could ask if we ran out of ideas.

So it's going pretty well, very bubbly, chatty girl and I have impression she would fit the team. Until:

Me: how do you handle multiple deadlines in a short time period? E.g. if you have 2-3 exams close to each other or an exam and a big class project?

Interviewee: well, you try to do your best, but if I realise I cannot meet both deadlines, I just call in sick.

Zem_42

None Of Our Money SIR!

For a while, I did "secondary" interviews to help out a new store. They'd do the recruiting for candidates and pass on to me the ones they liked best. I'd get some okay results but ONE supervisor had no idea how to shut down a candidate that wasn't suitable. I coached her over and over but she had too soft of a heart (I miss when I had one, pre-retail).

This meant I got all kinds of characters. The worst: a candidate who laughed at me. He didn't have an answer for my first two questions then just LAUGHED at my third and shook his head.

I shut down the interview and made it clear it was due to an inability to complete it. I politely asked if he had any questions and he said "is the job paid by direct deposit or a check? Do you need a void check from me?"

No sir, you're never getting a pay check from us... EVER!

thriftingretail

This Is Why We Honor Red Flags

This guy's resume had a ton of IT skills/technologies in it and that should have been a red flag but we didn't have many candidates for the position so we gave him a shot.

First question I asked him was "So I see you have PHP on your resume, can you tell me what types of environments you've worked with it in?" His answer was "What? I don't know know that." And he didn't say it like he didn't know PHP, he said it like he'd never heard of it. When I showed him a copy of his resume he scratched out PHP with a pen and said "My friend did my resume for me, I'll have to update that..." That was the end of any consideration of hiring him. I texted the recruiter to come get him and it took them 20 minutes to get there. To be polite we continued the interview but it was a long 20 minutes. I don't remember everything but every question was a train wreck.

He insisted he knew Active Directory because he kept it on a usb drive he carried with him.

He got a text and stared at his phone for about 10 very uncomfortable seconds and then said "Hold on, this guy is trying to sell me some windows" while he texted back.

When asked what types of teams and groups he's used to working with instead of saying "very structured" or "easy going" he rattled off about 10 names, first names, as if we knew who they were. When we asked what that team was like he was like "Oh, you know" and then repeated the names again.

Someone asked him to walk them through a typical day at his current job. I don't think he said anything about work and instead talked about his wife and his kids. Then he told us a story about a funny thing his uncle did years ago.

I asked him how his work was presented to him and whether he used a ticketing system or if he used any project management software and he said "They call me." When I asked if he meant a help desk environment he said no "They call me at home." He couldn't elaborate on how any of that worked or what he did after they called him.

He jokingly insinuated that the real reason he was trying to get this job is because he wasn't making enough money in real estate and his wife wouldn't have sex with him.

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Image by Mandyme27 from Pixabay

It’s weird how much stuff we let slide when we’re kids. Even if you look at the TV shows we watched back then, we had such a high threshold for the bizarre (early 2000’s Nickelodeon, anyone?). So it’s no surprise that some of us straight-up didn’t react when we saw weird crap in person.

Here are a few wild examples of seemingly harmless things we saw as kids that would be horrifying to see now. Brace yourself, this one gets crazy.



Kids and water aren’t a great mix sometimes. It can get real gross, real quick.

Not worth the tranquility.

I've always loved the tranquil feeling of being under water. When I was a kid I would just hold my breath and float around. Sometimes adults would think I was drowning and run up and scoop me out. I don't remember this (it was when I was pretty young) but my parents have told me about it

I used to think it was a funny story... people thinking I was drowning when I was just trying to relax

....until I watched a video explaining child drownings and yeah, the way I acted in water looked exactly like a drowned kid.

I don't think it's funny anymore.

Turboshot49cents

Uhhhhhh.....ew?

Renee Zellweger Water GIF by Working Title Giphy

Flood water. It was fun and games for the kids, and we even splashed around in it, much to the horror of our parents (who immediately scrubbed us down). We didn't understand then, but now, oh wow...sewer, insects, rats, parasites, etc.

MrFantasticallyNerdy

That’s actually hilarious.

My friend and I were walking along the road in about thigh high flood waters. A small boat with two men comes up to us. We were about 9 years old and I think they were National Guard. Anyway, one of the men asks if we remembered exactly where the manholes in the road were. We answered no. He told us that all of the covers had most likely been washed away in the flood but not to worry because it would probably only take them a few days to find our bodies if we were sucked down one of the holes by currents they produced. He spoke in a matter of fact tone and then left.

As an adult, I have zero doubt those two men had a good laugh as they looked back and watched us nope out of that water like two roadrunners in a cartoon.

Edit: It was Fish and Game Wardens. The NG didn't come until later.

Daykri3

Not to mention the crazy injuries that kids somehow are constantly surrounded by.

Had a jogger get hit by a car outside my house once when I was about eight or nine. My nephew came running inside yelling at my parents and my sister to call the ambulance because he was bleeding pretty badly.

I could even see him from our playrooms window and I wondered what he was doing lying on the grass. Turns out he was bleeding out pretty badly, deliriously yelling at my parents when they tried to help.

Eventually, an ambulance came and picked him up, but my parents always told me he made it out okay. The day after, in the spot he was found someone had put a lily in the grass in a vase.

It took me longer than I care to admit to figure out he died from the hit and run.

SixthUnderminer

How sharp were they, though?

A kid f*cking sharpened his fingers with an automatic pencil sharpener at grade 2. Everyone didn't know what was going on until the teacher started freaking out.

NubbishWood

I just remembered I tried to stick my finger into electric pencil sharpeners as a kid and disliked how my fingers were too big to fit in it. What the hell was I thinking?

BSPlanes

Rock climbing can definitely be dangerous.

scared george costanza GIF by HULU Giphy

We did climbing in PE (sixth to eight grade). Like rock climbing and we had to do our own harness and stuff. PE teacher (supposedly) checked it after we were done to make sure it was done right. One day my neighbor broke an arm and leg because she wasn't properly strapped and fell.

This was at an international American school in Egypt around year 2000, for all those wondering what type of school does rock climbing.

Ashleywalz90

Kids are, in fact, made of elastic.

We used to jump of our roof. First time hurt a little, but after a few times you learnt how to land.

Did it regularly and would try various items as 'parachutes' to see if it slows you down any.

I look at that height now and wonder how the hell we never broke anything - kids bones are more elastic I guess.

Reapr

​It’s amazing what adults can get away with right under kids’ noses.

A casual hit-and-run.

car japan GIF Giphy

My babysitter was running late to take me to piano lessons and rear ended an old man at a stoplight. She told me that he must not have noticed because he didn't get out of his car. I thought nothing of it, and she drove away and took me to my piano lesson.

I forgot about it, and it didn't click until I remembered the incident years later that I had been unknowingly involved in a hit and run.

Idontknowwhattoput22

Big yikes.

Not so much something I saw - but when I was 5 or 6 I was at a family wedding, and there was this really friendly adult guy (who I didn't know) who told me he was really worried about his nice new car in the parking lot and how he wanted to check on the car but didn't want to leave the wedding.

He asked if I could go check on it and he would pay me $5 just to go see if his car was "okay" being that age $5 was a crazy amount of money so I couldn't believe my luck.

On the way to the parking lot, my mom intercepted me and was absolutely horrified, I remember not understanding why, like trying to tell her no she had it wrong he was nice and paying me! And as an adult now I'm like that's so messed up and I wonder how close a call that could have been.

DeclanAF

Go grandma!

Until the age of 12 my grandma had custody of me. I used to sleep with her and she slept with a baseball bat next to her bed. It wasn't until I was much older that I realized she did it dads friends wouldn't be able to do anything to me.

Dad was a drug addict and drunk and when he was out of prison he had all kinds of people in and out of the house. You would never know what would be missing the next day - often my Nintendo :(

She did everything she could to protect me from God knows who/what and I had zero clue!

Edit: Damn this blew up while I was sleeping!! Thank you so much to everyone for the support :)

Im adding extra details to help understand the situation.

My grandmother was born in 1914, had a third grade education and was a housewife her entire life. She was already 71 when I was born! My grandpa died when I was 4 and it was just her and I. We lived in a tiny 2 bedroom house in a terrible neighborhood. It was paid off and that's all she could afford. She lived off of the social security death benefits from my grandpa and food banks. She couldn't just "leave" and go anywhere else.

Also, for those suggesting she should have called the cops - cops don't do anything if you say "I'm scared these guys will do something bad" cops have to wait till something bad happens.

She did her very best and raised my right! Now my father is back in prison (shocker) and is pissed at me for not letting the past be in the past and welcoming him with open arms. Meanwhile I'm a 2x college graduate with a great job, my own house and recently married! She definitely did something right. Unfortunately she died when I was 12. Id give anything to be able to tell her how grateful I am to her for doing everything right.

LostLadyA


We see some scary stuff as kids. No wonder most of us are so messed up years later. Often these things don’t even register as something terrible- a lot of times, the things we witnessed were just a part of life.

The best we can do is to take our trauma, and learn from it, so we don’t pass it down to our own children. Because kids don’t deserve it- they deserve to have happy childhoods and not think about the horrors of the world.