In January, 2014, Whole Foods launched one of their largest food campaigns to date: Collards Are The New Kale. Cashiers fastened buttons to their aprons, Whole Foods bloggers scrambled to publish collards-based recipes, and the whole produce aisle buzzed with anticipation. Kales understudy had finally ascended into the spotlight.
Have you heard the siren call of collards yet? wrote resident blogger Alana Sugar.1 Given the droves of people who swarmed the registry for Whole Foods collard cooking classes, it seems people heard the sirens loud and clear.
While Im almost certain Whole Foods didnt intend to imply that collards are a beautiful, alluring vegetable with sinister ramifications, much like the sirens of Greek mythology, that is exactly what they became. Cue: food gentrification.
Collard greens have held staple status in the diets of working class Black and white Southern Americans for centuries. Divorcing this vegetable from its roots in these communities to rebrand it for the affluent shoppers of Whole Foods caused prices to soar, rendering collards less affordable for people who relied on it for many of their dishes.
Black feminist and writer Mikki Kendall (@Karnythia) drew attention to the parallels between this food market colonialism and gentrification when she tweeted:
When we talk about #foodgentrification were talking about the impact of a traditionally low income food becoming trendy.
Now, once-affordable ingredients have been discovered by trendy chefs, and have been transformed into haute cuisine, Kendall wrote. Food is facing gentrification that may well put traditional meals out of reach for those who created the recipes.
1 I want to make a note that crediting Alana Sugar doesnt mean I intend to villainize her, because everyones just trying to make a living and working as a Whole Foods blogger doesnt mean she created the campaign. Its systematic, okay?!
I live in Toronto. By demographical standards, it is one of the most multicultural cities in the world. Of 6.1 million residents in the Greater Toronto Area, 45.7% were born outside of Canada.
When it comes to food, Toronto is a city lauded equally for the diversity of its cuisines as it is its people. But are we truly worthy of this claim? For some, Torontos food diversity is less a reflection of its diverse population than its structural inequalities.
Take local Toronto business Chaiwala Chai for example.
You may recall the term Chaiwala from 2008 movie Slumdog Millionaire. Jamal, the protagonist, is an orphaned Indian boy who works as a Chaiwala (tea server) at a call centre. When Jamal lands on Indias Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? the show host refers to Jamal as a Chaiwala several times throughout the episode. In this case, the host uses the term Chaiwala as an insult; a synonym for poor, uneducated and lesser than. Jamal is then arrested on suspicion of cheating, because surely a Chaiwala couldnt be this smart. The job of a Chaiwala is highly stigmatized, deeply entrenched in caste system culture.
Which is why Chaiwala Chai makes a particularly surprising title for the chai company in Toronto, founded by Eamon and Becca two, young white entrepreneurs. On their website, Eamon and Becca refer to themselves as Canadian Chaiwalas. They share their story, where they toured the chai drinking nations of Asia before returning home to present their perfect blend to the people of Toronto.
Chaiwala Chai supplies over 47 cafes across Toronto with masala chai, including locales such as Jimmys coffee, Wandas Pie in the Sky, The Green Beanery, and more. What does it mean that this many cafes bypassed dozens of Indian food suppliers in the GTA to source their products from two white people with enough disposable income to traipse the entire continent of Asia, two people who have no apparent connection to the culture? 2
I spoke with Chinese-Canadian writer and activist Lorraine Chuen, who recently penned the piece Food, Race, and Power: Who gets to be an authority on 'ethnic' cuisines? on her blog, Intersectional Analyst.
Im not saying white people cant eat or cook foods from other cultures, but theres a structural pattern where white people are more likely to profit from other cultures than the people from those cultures themselves.
There are countless examples of the authority that white people (primarily affluent white people) are granted in Torontos food market, especially in the media. A recent interview with Rose & Sons chef Anthony Rose on their new Chinatown Sundays menu described Roses take on Chinese food as elevated. The interviewer has since apologized for their wording, but the question remains: why dont people want to eat their Chinese food at a Chinese-owned restaurant?
When white people want to eat non-Western food but they dont want to be in the presence of other racialized people, I think thats when these specialized 'ethnic' menus by white chefs become so popular. Thats my hypothesis said Lorraine. Its white people being served by other white people, with food thats made by white people and its like, We like everything about this culture except for the people, like we just want to have the experience without any attachment. Thats what makes me uncomfortable. As usual, people of colour are left out of the story.
2 Yes, this is an assumption, but a pretty educated one based on their company name.
While Lorraine illustrates the erasure of people, history and culture, Nabeel Shakeel Ahmed, a Pakistani-Canadian who came to Toronto in 2009, fears that even the most basic essence of his cultural cuisine has gone missing taste.
When Nabeel moved to Toronto, he sought to share an important part of his culture and identity with new friends: Pakistani food.
When I think of culture, I think of three things: language, art, and food, said Nabeel. Its an integral part of culture. Food is part of identity.
Despite dozens of Pakistani restaurants in Toronto, Nabeel found that most werent doing justice to Pakistani cuisine.
I dont go out to eat food from India or Pakistan. Im not going to enjoy it because its usually a watered down version. Its hard for me to share my culture, experiences, and identity with others. Its harder for me to connect.
One driving force behind the distortion of ethnic cuisines in Toronto is commercialization.
In order to set up shop in certain high income areas, the rents are so high that only the big brands with standardized, commercial versions of foods can be there.
Small restaurants, or those without a commercial edge, flee to periphery areas for their pared down rents areas fewer people are willing to trek out to.
Big brand restaurants cater to people who have enough disposable income to eat out on a regular basis, which is mostly white people.
So, when Nabeel ventures out for Indian or Pakistani food, once-familiar cuisines have been altered to suit the palates of white customers.
To make a masala daal, I would use turmeric, red chili pepper, coriander powder, cumin, garlic, and ginger, Nabeel said. He spoke slowly, deliberately, so I could note each ingredient. In the commercial version of daal there might be something like salt, crushed red pepper, maybe some bits of ginger, and thats it.
What makes a city like Toronto great is that we have so many cultures, but ideally we want the culture as it is, not a watered down version. We want to preserve that long term.
Nabeel offered a potential solution: Ethnic food producers need more opportunities to share their food with a broader audience; to share what they feel the best version of that food is, not what they feel the audience will most respond to. That kind of diversity is really important.
I wondered if there were further benefits to cheaper dishes. Could it be plausible that some of these restaurants were interested in serving simplified versions of their cuisines just to save money? After all, less complex recipes could mean cheaper product.
I didnt have to look far for answers, because Krishnendu Ray, chair of Nutrition and Food Studies at New York University recently tackled this topic in a recent interview by Roberto A. Ferdman. According to Ray, even restaurants that want to serve authentic versions of their dishes are often unable to due to the low price ceiling imposed on many cultural cuisines in North America. Torontonians tend to regard ethnic cuisines as inferior, and expect prices to match.
Feldman writes, Despite complex ingredients and labor-intensive cooking methods that rival or even eclipse those associated with some of the most celebrated cuisines think French, Spanish and Italian we want our Indian food fast, and we want it cheap.
Businesses must make sacrifices to food quality when customers demand dishes at a fraction of their value. Especially when many of the complex spices and ingredients in ethnic foods arent as widely available as traditionally Western ingredients.
If Torontos food diversity is a reflection of its people, what does it say that restaurant goers are unwilling to value certain cuisines? What does it mean that the majority of these undervalued cuisines belong to people of colour?
Andrew and Sadi, two food lovers in Toronto, considered these power dynamics and decided to start 6ixspots: a blog that highlights human stories behind small-scale, immigrant-owned restaurants or restaurants with a transnational legacy.
As children of immigrants and avid lovers of cultural cuisines, they noticed their favourite immigrant-owned ethnic restaurants were rarely featured in Torontos media.
Its always the downtown core, mainly the West End restaurants that have a big social media presence, that get featured, Andrew said. Certain chefs are interviewed constantly. They know how to get press.
And even when cultural cuisines are highlighted in popular media, it is often a story told by someone else.
Owners arent really the owners of the stories, Sadi said.
Andrew joined in, Stories of ethnic cuisines are usually told on behalf of the the people making it. Like in the case of Matty Matheson or Anthony Bourdain. As interviewers, we try to step back and let them tell the story.
Sadi capped off our conversation: Our culture has become more about criticizing food than enjoying it. We tend to forget that there are people pouring their lives into serving us these dishes. My hope is that people can appreciate the human story behind it all.
Just this week, Tourism Toronto released its newest ad for the city a video titled The Views Are Different Here. It accentuates the vibrant, colourful landscape of Toronto, its people, and its food. It highlights inclusivity. Moments from the end, as the camera pans through Chinatown, the text on the screen reads: All flavours are welcome.
Toronto, if we want this to be true, lets put our money where our mouth is. Literally.
If you would like to learn more about food politics in Toronto or become a more critical diner, here are some places to start:
Use this article as a conversation point with friends and family
Read Lorraine Chuens experience with race, food, and power on Intersectional Analyst
Read human-centred profiles of small-scale, immigrant-owned restaurants at 6ixSpots
Listen to Racist Sandwich, a podcast on food and race politics here
Contact your favourite cafe on this list and ask them to source their chai more ethically
Going out to eat? Why not try one of the restaurants highlighted on Black Foodie or Halal Foodie.
Get excited for the opening of Nish Dish, a new Indigenous restaurant focusing on Anishinaabe recipes, as well as products from First Nations and Metis producers.
Looking to book your next caterers? Check out the Afghan Womens Catering Group.
Volunteer or Donate to Newcomer Kitchen, a project that supports Syrian refugee women in making traditional Syrian food in a fun, social setting.
Special thanks to Safah, Lorraine Chuen of Intersectional Analyst, Andrew and Sadi at 6ixSpots, Nabeel Shakeel Ahmed, Matthew Ha, Toula Nikas, Jess Shane, Dave Karrel, Robyn Simon and all the people who added to this conversation on Bunz Helping Zone and Young Urbanists League.
Remember way back when the internet wasn't a flaming dumpster fire?
Yeah, us either.
The internet has always been a mess, but it's also always been beautiful.
It connects people, ideas, senses or humor, creativity! Yes, we've got our fair share of deviants, murderers, and trashbag people, but we've also got decades of wonder to celebrate.
Newbies like to think using the internet for awesomeness is something they came up with, but the old heads are here to tell you the internet has ALWAYS been a complicated crash course in the coolest stuff ever.
So let's hop in the wayback machine and get our nostalgia on.
Reddit user ransom0374 asked:
"What do you miss from early internet times?"
So let's take that walk down memory lane, or if you're new-ish here on planet Earth, this is going to be a fun little "history" lesson.
If you're uncertain where you fall, here's a test:
"Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger..."
If you finished the song, you're probably going to remember quite a few of these...
"AIM away messages saying stupid stuff like 'BRB going to get some bagel bites.' "
"Don't forget to update your personal profile with Blink 182 lyrics and the initials of your school sweetheart and some ASCII. Browse for a new inappropriate buddy icon and strike up a convo with SmarterChild"Giphy
"I miss the wild unknown frontier that the internet was."
"It seemed there was so much discovery to be had on the internet, and if you were good at the internet everyone thought of you as 'Hackerman' and you were like a God amongst your peers."
"It seems like there isn't anything 'new' on the internet anymore. No discoveries to be made."Giphy
The Irony Is Not Lost On Us
"Variety. There's a popular tweet that says something like 'the internet has turned into four websites where on each one people share screenshots of the other three.' "
"I miss when you could search a term and there would be dozens of sites dedicated to it or forums especially for it. Now it's just ads, Wikipedia, and Reddit."
"Oh, and not having ads shoved down your throat every time you search a term or navigate to a page!"
"I know there were pop ups and banners, which weren't any better. But there was a sweet spot."
"There was a few years there where you could Google something and half the first page WASN'T sponsored ads that had nothing to do with what you looked up. And you could go to a website and it DIDN'T block the page with a full screen ad asking for your email to join their mailing list or save 10% on their merchandise."Giphy
Figuring It Out
"That all the webpages were just random people trying to figure out HTML."
"There really wasn't a corporate presence at all. It was just a place for people to experiment."
"You could click on a button and make a cardboard hand wave at someone's cats. You could dispense a coke from a machine in some dorm. It was dumb and fun."Giphy
"The learning was endless."
"There were almost an infinite source of information from all over the world. If you wanted to find something all you had to do was search for it in Ask Jeeves or whatever and you'd find any website that had ever mentioned that thing."
"There were more than 10 different websites. And at least it didn't feel like I was being forced to sign up for a subscription after every click."
"There were so many fun, cute stores to shop. Now it feels like everyone dresses and decorates the same."
"I miss a lot of things about the early internet. I'm probably wrong, but it just felt safer than it does now?"Giphy
"I was in my late teens when the internet was becoming accessible to everyone. Our one household computer was in the kitchen & facing in a way so anyone coming in could see your screen."
"I remember looking at someone's website and my Dad passing by to get something to eat, asking me if the person on the website was my friend."
"I miss those old days! The internet seemed endless & friendly."Giphy
A Base Level For Participation
"Most people were smart."
"In the early days (by far) most people on the internet were in college, either as a teacher or student. Beyond that, people had to to be in a lab or make their computer talk to a connected computer which was not so easy in the old days."
"It acted as a sort of intelligence barrier one needed clear to participate in internet things."
"Higher barrier to entry."
"I remember the fond days of SLIP and Trumpet Winsock when you had to know at least a little about tech to get on and participate."
"There was still stupidity, but it just wasn't as loud as it is now."
"In the very very early days, pre-AOL, you needed skill and knowledge to get online."
"Then AOL came onto the scene an d anyone could get online at the push of a button."Giphy
Go Away Now
"I miss when what happened on the internet, stayed on the internet."
"You could turn off the beige box and go about the rest of your day without it affecting you."
"The fact that is only existed on a big computer in the house, as long as no-one was on the phone. It wasn't some all-encompassing thing."
"The internet not following me around. When you logged off, you effectively put the internet away."Giphy
It Used To Be...
"How people used to treat it."
"The internet was not just a novelty, but an amazing piece of technology that let anyone share anything. It was so wholesome and loving, with everyone still being amazed at what we could do now."
"Now? There's so many websites that are designed to make you angry and radicalize your beliefs. It's quantity over quality."
"There was a time when nobody on Reddit shared politics, when Facebook was for socializing, when YouTube was where people uploaded stuff they were passionate about."Giphy
We Used To Love Yahoo
"I can't remember what it was called, but Yahoo had this great music video program where it showed popular artists, and some very unknown folks."
"I discovered some of my favorite artists having it play in the background all the time."
"Launchcast/Yahoo Radio. It was revolutionary for music streaming and the 1-5 star system worked really well. I preferred it over Pandora's up/down system."Giphy
On a personal level, I want to go on record and say MusicMatch was the greatest music program in the history of life.
It just was.
I will die on this hill.
It was dopeness in all forms. MusicMatch Jukebox? Dope. Yahoo MusicMatch? Dope.
So what relics from Ye Olde Internet are you passionate about? Sound off in the comments!
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No one wants war.
Who is going to light the powder keg and set it all off?
Which country will start WW3? Why?
Does anyone really want to start another world war?
They may not have a choice in the matter.
Getting It Out Of The Way Early
"Austrian here, we will do it again probably, I would like to say sorry in advance! Most plausible reason at the moment is because Germans eat schnitzel with sauce on top, then this conflict will spiral out again into WW3."
"Third time's the charm!"
-Some Austrian, probably
Civil War 2: Electric Boogaloo
"It'll be a civil war that devolves into a world war, with no one country clearly responsible for this change."
"But we'll blame it all on germany again, right"
Why I Oughtta...
"At this point, there are enough nukes in the world to ensure that a World War would simply result in nuclear annihilation on all sides. Say what you want about authoritarians like Xi Jinping, Kim Jung Un, and Ali Khameni, they are many things; but they're not suicidal. They know that an all out war would just end everyone, including them, so they're not going to. This is why the US and the USSR never went to all out war, despite coming close a few times; the risks were just too great for both sides."
"What could easily happen, however, is another cold war, this time between the US and China. And like in the Cold War, there could be proxy wars fought as a result of it, but it's unlikely that any country will take the insane risks of starting World War 3."
A full-blown world war is a tricky thing to get off the ground, that is if anyone wants it. The leading cause to impending war could come out of nowhere, or somewhere completely unexpected, or perhaps it will never come.
2-Day War Delivery
"Bruh its gunna be Amazon, not a country"
"Jeff Bezos finna be dropping Amazon basics nukes on us"
Can It Even Happen?
"I don't think the world can handle another world war. simply for the sake that we're all so interconnected. every major nation trades with each other and are in bed with each other. I would be a detriment to whatever country starts a war."
"Think about how the global supply chain has been impacted by the pandemic, the world would probably cease to function all together in a major conflict."
"There was a quote I liked, I think it was from Dan Carlin. He said that leading up to WWI Europe had become too economically entwined to go to war with itself, but none of the economists were invited to the war councils. The generals making the decisions didn't understand the situation so they made dumb decisions. The situation is undoubtably more-so interconnected today, the question is, do we have economists making the call on starting wars?"
A Little Humor Before We Get To The Serious Stuff...
"Probably America, I mean they made Wonder Woman 1 & 2, so highly likely they'd make WW3. At least start it. Not sure why someone else would finish it."
"No, they don't know how to count.. They jumped from WW1 to WW84."
Is it in the realm of possibility? Possibly.
After all, people will be people.
Anyone Else Surprised? No?
"America have a surplus of military might, a recent history of starting wars for profit, EVERYTHING is politicised and extreme nationalism and xenophobia are normalised within the populace. I'm going with them."
These All Feel Tangible
"My guesses would be 1) USA vs China over Taiwan or 2) China vs India (a lot on tension there that doesn't get a lot of news attention)"
"India-Pakistan and China-India are hot beds."
"India and Pakistan have been at war numerous times since their inception. 5 'official' wars and 9 minor skirmishes, to be exact. The last conflict ended with a ceasefire in 2003, but the last incident was a series of skirmishes along the Line of Control in Kashmir, from November 2020 to February 2021."
"Neither is capable of a full-fledged invasion of the other, so it's limited to border disputes. And while Pakistan does have nukes, it would be suicide to use them. There's no incentive for any other countries to get involved."
Going For It
"China making a move on Taiwan or some other land grab in India or other bordering countries."
An Infectious Idea
"India and Pakistan. It will spread to China, then North Korea (or North Korea first) and pull in many others in Asia. This will pull in NATO, either directly or via global partners (Australia)."
This One Makes WAY Too Much Sense
"Twitter. Someone will probably make a typo that everyone takes the wrong way..."
Well, what do you think could happen? Let us know in the comments.
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So let's talk about how a dog owner on Facebook learned her dog's "adorable" behavior was, in fact, furious masturbation.
Readers, if you know anything about me you know I love a good plot twist and I love chonky puppers.
Yesterday, life combined my two great loves in a hilarious and inappropriate way.
I was mindlessly scrolling through my dog groups on Facebook when a video with a few hundred laugh reacts but almost no comments caught my eye.
The still from the video was a pudgy little Frenchie, so obviously I had to read and watch.
The dogs owner shared the video along with a post asking professionals to shed some light on why he does what he does.
Owner-obliviousness as they gushed about how adorable it was made the awkward even better.
The owner explained the Frenchie often makes aggressive eye contact and licks his lips while he "plays air guitar"—which is what the family calls it—and how cute & funny they all find the behavior.
The video was the dog, casually chilling, using his paw to rub the tip of his penis while staring awkwardly at the camera and licking his lips like a pup possessed.
Three hundred and fifteen laugh-reacts—at the time that I saw it—and only three comments:
1. a vet explaining that the behavior showed in the video was the dog masturbating while making direct eye contact
2. the owner giving a simple "thank you" and
3. the admins of the group closing the comments.
So, why am I sharing this with you?
Because Reddit user Drakmamman asked:
"Dog owners of reddit, what the dog doin?"
... and so now you get this whole article just so I had an excuse to tell y'all about a furiously fapping Frenchie, 'cause somebody else needed to know about him.
I cackled for a good 20 minutes imagining the family getting all giddy about their dog "playing air guitar"—making the little air guitar meedly squeedly noises while he played, maybe even playing along thinking they're enjoying a fun little game—but they're really just been giving a hair metal soundtrack to their dogs stroke sesh.
Something tells me now the owner knows what "air guitar" really is, they're not likely to rush and tell Reddit all about how they've been gathering as a family to watch cause it's just so cute.
That's what I'm here for.
Anyway, here's the stuff other people's dogs are up to. It's not fapping—or if it is, the owners aren't telling Reddit.
"Wife just came home with the baby. Dog is acting like she's been abandoned for years running up and down, barking and jumping on everything."
"They'd only been out an hour and I was with her the whole time." - Single_Goose7015
"My dog does this too when my wife comes home. Like what am I, chopped liver?" - jackof47trades
"I feel your pain. My dog started howling mournfully when my partner went back to work last week… I was right there!" - TreatOutside
"Staring at the door waiting for the only human he cares about to come home (obviously not me)" - SnarkyRedhead
"Probably trying to herd the cats."
"He's a border collie mix who's afraid of goats and sheep, but even after six years of living with them he still thinks he can control where the cats go."
"He's a good boy, he's very persistent, but not terribly bright sometimes." - TokesNotHigh
"After 8 years our border collie still herds the cats, and the vacuum." - psychologicaluse28
"Big heart, small brain. I have one of those dogs too. They are the sweetest." - Technobucket
"She has flung herself flat across the bed and is playing dead, quiet except for the occasional pitiful whine. Every now and then she lifts her head up and fixes a desperate look upon me, silently begging for release from her wretched existence."
"She's a bit overdramatic about having to wear a cone. The issue is an abrasion on a toe that she won't stop licking, which is making it worse."
"I've been alternating between bandaging it and having her wear a cone. She's been consistently a drama queen." - halfinboxes
"Staring at me because their dinner time is in one hour and they need to start letting me know that, in an hour, they need to eat...in an hour, so I better not forget...cuz they're hungry, which is why they're staring at me...and it's almost dinner time."
"Just one more hour, And they want to make sure I don't forget. Because maybe I will."
"So, they need to remind me. By staring at me. Every day. One hour before dinner." - MotherOfFred
A Little "Light" ExerciseGiphy
"Mine loves light reflected off watches or phones. And loves lasers."
"It's sunny and he sees light on the wall so he is bothering me to use my watch or phone so he can chase the light. I've spent the last hour doing it."
"I even got him a cat laser toy that's automatic for him and he runs himself tired as all hell with it. But he is STILL asking for it."
"Used the laser toy also too, so he is panting dripping tongue and still wants to play more..." - boomgoon
"Last night my dogs chased down and killed a rabbit in the backyard. They are usually so gentle; this was weird and unexpected."
"I watched the whole thing helpless because it was so fast. The rabbit screamed, it was insane."
"Now, I'm watching them sleep on my couch and can't help but think they just murdered someone."
"They are just vicious predators, right here, in my house. On my couch."
"But they snuggly as f*ck. This trips me out." - Atheist_Redditor
A Problematic PrincessGiphy
"We have two chihuahuas. One is a 15 year old (quite appropriately) named Princess and one is a one year old named Charlie."
"Both have their own dog beds on the couch since they are spoiled."
"When Princess is feeling particularly moody or like asserting her dominance, she will drag Charlie's bed into her bed and lay on top of BOTH of them and snarl at him if he comes close to her personal space bubble/bed mountain."
"And when we tell her she can't have both beds and put his bed back to the side, she just glares at us. Lol." - mslm90
"She's currently in her cage resting after her great adventure."
"She managed to get upstairs and grab a hold of one of my shoes. Not just any old shoe, but one of the shoes I am planning to wear this weekend for my wedding."
"After running around, she dropped the shoe to chew on a shirt - at which point she was cornered, and then brought downstairs."
"Pup and shoe are both unharmed and doing well. My nerves, not so much." - still_interesting23
So ... what's YOUR dog been up to lately?
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Have you ever fantasized about what it would be like to win the lottery? Having money for the rest of your life, as far as the eye can see, to cover your expenses.
And have you thought about all the things you would buy if you could really afford them? Are they ALL practical things, or are some of them silly?
We always love to fantasize about what life would be like if money were no object. And you are not alone!
Redditor OnlyVillager asked:
"If you won the lottery, what's something 'useless' that you would buy?"
Here were some of those answers.
I Be The Witch Of The Wood
"My teenage daughter disclosed to me the other day that her biggest life goal is to buy a house on an acreage that has a large wooded area."
"She plans to build me a house in the woods, fund whatever ridiculous bullsh*t art installations I want to erect in the woods, then spread rumors in neighboring towns that a witch lives back there."
"She's the best."-OpossumJesusHasRisen
My Kingdom For A Castle
"I'm blowing it all on a castle. No, not one of those fairy tale mansions from the 19th century robber barons called 'castles'.
"A fully loaded, honest-to-god, obsolete, medieval fortress. Two curtain walls, a keep, towers, barbican, portcullis, murderholes, loopholes, machicolations, the works. It'll be a well warmed summer retreat/place to hide out if another plague hits the world."
"I'm buying Au Train island in the Upper Peninsula to be specific. When the feds finally come after billionaires to pay their fair share, I'm running to my island and sealing the gates behind me."
"So I can get my affairs in order and pay my taxes. What were you thinking I was gonna do? Hide from the IRS? They can breach any castle lmao."-DaemonTheRoguePrince
I Wanna Be A Billionaire
- "I want a cold water dispenser on my desk. It has to be connected to the water line, filtered and cooled. Ideally it also has that thing that automatically knows when the container is almost full."
- "My new lifestyle would be to live 4 weeks in a different city, then 1 week at home. In each city, I would stay in a Luxury Airbnb or a five star hotel."
- "I would hire a professional soccer coach. I'm talking someone that trains pro players. I'm Arab and I'm tired of not being good at soccer, just a few months of lessons and I'll be able to participate in pick up games and have fun."
- "I would also hire singing, guitar and piano instructors. Singing would be the toughest because my voice sucks, but I figure with time I can be good enough to sing a song if I want to reference it. That's how bad I am today."-Reformedjerk
Imagine just not having to think when you click the "purchase" button.
A Nice Siesta
"Maybe not exactly "useless" in the way people are thinking (the way the question is asked makes me think by "useless" they mean "stupid/wasteful" but I'm thinking in terms of things that are fun and only for the purpose of having fun), but do vacations count?"
"If I had that much money all to myself, I would 100% rather have a regular sized house/car and spend the money on experiences instead."
"The idea of having a normal life but knowing that I can just decide to take the day off and go to DisneyLand or treat myself to a fancy dinner whenever the hell I want to is a fantasy I've had since I was literally a little kid."
"I get that those aren't useful things because they're not things I could USE like a car/house/purse/etc, but I'd definitely be happy:)"-StreetIndependence62
"Well this stuff is only useless if there isn't some sort of apocalyptic event that happens in my lifetime."
"That said, I'd go full prepper and bury myself a bunker in the desert with tons of food and water stored away and decked out with solar panels, a garage full of electric cars, and a stash of every sort of modern electronic equipment available in vast quantities."
"So this would be a huge waste of money if there's never an apocalypse. But it would be very valuable to me if there happens to be one."-TimHawks1983
"I have always wanted a talking toilet. I don't even know why at this point. I just saw it on a tv show, don't even remember what, and since that day I have thought 'yes, I want this.'"
"But right now, with my paupers wage, I cannot afford such a thing. I have a lot of serious plans for lottery level money. I would open a shelter for homeless people and start my own dog shelter. As well as my own theme park."
"But I would still get a talking toilet."-MagnificentColossus
Put Your Bird On My Shoulder
"I would get into falconry, vintage guitars from the 50s and 60s, a live in Cook, most of the surfaces that I touch would be marble, and I would save a significant portion of my money to split between investments and gambling on riskier stocks."
"Depending on how much money a private jet would be in the cards as well as a flight license. This is one of my favorite things to daydream about"-freemason777
The best part of all of this is, it doesn't matter that these things are useless.
They bring us joy, and that is what matters.
"Boring" "Flame Thrower"???
"Definitely a boring company flame thrower. And a Barrett M82."
"Probably a supercar too, but not to drive it. I want to light it on fire in a public space as an appeal to consumerism right before I go take a private jet to Nappa Valley to eat at the French Laundry and get hammered on the most expensive bottles of wine I can find."-xdylanxfrommyspace
"There are many things I bought that I regretted it immediately. I love to try new stuff. Especially no-brand or brand that is not famous. My curiosity is very high, that is the problem."
"I wanted to know whether those products are okay for human being. For example, I bought BioAqua face products. The most product I regret is BioAqua aloe vera. After my third use of the product, I actually experience worst allergic in the world."
"My skin had a lot of red patches appeared in just few hours. It was itchy but not painful. Just I keep scratching my skin but I tried my best to control it."
"It took about three - five days to keep it clear with medication and creams. Then after a couple of weeks, I decided to use it again. I got the reaction."
"Thankfully, I still have the medication and the cream. So, I took it immediately. I also did not apply the cream that much compared to previous time."
"I still have the aloe vera bottle in my room. I wanted to throw it but I could not throw it. Yet, I cannot use it and yes, I feel sad when I saw it. So, you can understand how I feel."-nimbledealing53
Hobby Hobby Hobby!
"If I won the lottery - I would open a shop for my favorite hobby. I would manage it like a business, giving a decent wage to several workers allowing them to pursue a degree or whatever and have a job that doesn't suck."
"I'd lose money on running a store. But I'd enjoy it. I'd enjoy sharing my hobby, selling the stuff I love at reasonable prices and giving a few young people a good job in a stress free environment."
"Useless store, great life experience for the people I'd employ."-Dealthagar
Money doesn't solve all of the world's problems or all of a person's problems, even—but it certainly does make life a little easier here and there for those who need it.
Hopefully the 21st century sees all of us buying things with our millions of dollars.
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