Just another straw article....
1. Blame it on the r-r-r-r-r-root beer
I was 18 years old. I was at a company dinner for a computer store that I worked at at the time. We were going out of business, so they threw us one last hoorah at a steakhouse. Ribs, steaks, oh god it was so good.
I've been a teetotaller my entire life, so I was enjoying a root beer as usual. A really beautiful waitress came to my table to talk to us. I'd had 3-4 root beers at this point, so I was feeling really confident, and I said something like "So, uh, you...you like...waitressing?" or something equally clever.
Many mistakes were made that night, but the biggest one happened right here. After I asked her the question, I kept my eyes locked with hers to demonstrate my confidence, held my drink to my mouth, and tried to locate the straw with my lips instead of looking at it. My lips fished around the glass for the longest eight seconds of my life, and in that moment, time completely slowed down and this look of absolute horror grew across the waitress's face. With each passing second she realized what a complete loser I am. I must have looked like a horse whispering something in French. By the time I actually found the straw, she got the hell out of there, and I was left alone slurping down my last root beer, among all my coworkers. There wouldn't be a single refill from that point on; I didn't need to ask to know it.
My friends made fun of me for years. I'm 29 now, and they still bring it up when we get together for dinner sometimes. I never used a straw again after that night.
2. Moth-er of pearl!
My husband found a pantry moth that had died stuck to the inside of his straw. After he'd already been drinking from it for a while.
3. Dammit, Brad! I told you to stop putting straws in my camel's backpack.
When it broke the camels back. That was my only camel.
4. On a more serious note: animals need us to quit it with straws
Serious answer: That video of that turtle with a straw stuck in his bleeding nose. It was so sad.
5. On another serious note: it's hard to be sexy with a straw
I was trying to be sexy at the bar and as I went for the straw I poked my eye. Not very sexy.
6. Thank goodness for laziness
I had jaw surgery so I was (am still) numb from my bottom lip to my chin. This made it somewhat difficult to drink from a glass so I (Continued)
Continue reading on the next page!
used straws for a while. Then I ran out of my box of straws so I decided that was the last straw and learned to drink like my regular self again.
7. Again with the sea turtle (it's really impacted a lot of people, apparently)
I saw this video of somebody who found with a sea turtle with a straw stuck in its nose and removed it. It's horrific and pretty awful to watch. I don't need top use straws and I don't want to make more plastic ocean junk.
8. Okay gender norms, whatever...
One of the Senior VP's of my company told me: "A gentleman never drinks through a straw," so I haven't used one since.
9. That's one way to do it, I suppose
The first time I ever went to bar I was drinking from a straw. This drunk guy walked up to me, took my straw out, threw it on the ground and said: "straws are for idiots!"
Haven't used a straw since.
10. Is this actually a thing? Someone please tell me, I'm serious
Fear of repeated straw usage giving me a bad case of "old lady mouth."
11. So... that's how they make cherry sprite?
I had one go up my nose on a date once. Sprite turned into cherry sprite and the date ended in shame and blood.
12. "I'm a surface level person".
I like drinking the surface of my drink not the bottom of it.
13. I'm pretty sure there's a support group for people like this
True story, I got a brain freeze from a mountain dew Baja blast freeze... I went back in for the death slurp where your (Continued)
Continue reading on the next page!
head just barely stops hurting and your a glutton for punishment. Due to messed up vision and sensory deprivation I ended up jamming the straw into the corner of my eye..
So there I am, brain freeze full swing, straw sticking into the corner of my eye and laughing uncontrollably at myself while everyone is looking on.
I decided then and there to cut the excess straw off anything that requires a straw. If I can swing it I go bareback and just drink it straight up.
14. Everything always comes down to Tom Hanks
When I was 15 or so, Tom Hanks in "That Thing You Do" was at a bar and said "I'll have one of these with no straw." I thought it was so baller, I haven't had a straw since.
15. Confidence. That'll do the trick.
Because I suck at nothing.
16. Illegal soft drink paraphernalia: an award-winning memoir
I grew up poor. My parents were only able to put food on the table by peddling illegal soft drink paraphernalia across the border from Nevada to Utah. The only way they could do this without getting caught was by the use of our pack animal: a camel named Uncle Bob. The customs agents were so shocked at the sight of a camel, they usually wouldn't search us, and even if they did, they never would have suspected that Uncle Bob's second hump was just a furry stowage compartment.
One day, pop found out that there was a supplier who needed more proboscis' than we typically were able to hide on Uncle Bob. We tried and tried to rent a second camel to no avail. This left us with only the option of loading down Uncle Bob.
I'll never forget that day. We stuffed straws into the poor beast of burdens hidden compartment as he groaned under the weight. I pleaded with my father on behalf of the great beast. "He can't take anymore, father! PLEASE STOP!!" I no more got the words out of my mouth when suddenly, as father attempted to pack just one more item of contraband, Uncle Bob let out a tortured groan in sync with a loud snapping sound as his back suddenly sagged. I scorned my father for being so greedy and we never spoke again.
And THAT was the straw that broke the camels back.
17. They're horrible for the environment
One of my environmentally conscious friends introduced me to the idea that straws are harmful to the environment. And honestly I never really use them anyway, so I stopped using them!
18. Straws can be detrimental to your drinking experience
Flavor is not so simple as the chemicals of the drink entering your mouth. There are other sensations. For example, the (Continued)
Continue reading on the next page!
temperature, the feeling on your lips, the smell when glass gets close, the shape of the cup, the material (glass, metal, plastic, paper)... all of these things matter.
A straw changes the whole experience. You skip the lips and go straight for the middle of the tongue. The rest of your mouth just gets left out. You don't get the smell. You have to work harder. Overall, you just don't get as much sensation from your drink.
Simple answer: it tastes better.
19. I also don't drink beer during work hours, but that doesn't mean I'll give up on my desk drawer vodka stash... don't be silly!
I don't drink beer with a straw. So why drink anything else with a straw?
20. We've all been there.
Accidentally deep throated one. I was sucking it, and either sucked it so hard or it was so slippery, that it went halfway down my throat.
21. Then there's the problem of cracked straws
You know how infuriating it is if you grab the straw just the wrong way and it bends? It puts that little tiny slit in the straw which makes you completely lose suction and rendering the damn thing worthless. I'll just tip the cup like a civilized piece of human garbage.
22. Nothing like a sassy server to help you kick the habit
I was 17 at the Waffle House in Chesapeake Virginia. We would go eat some delicious hash browns after some hard rounds of laser tag at Ultrazone. We would also order water with a bunch of lemons and make our own lemonade.
Then one day the waitress (Continued)
Then one day the waitress asked if wanted sissy sticks with our fake lemonade.
I haven't drank fake lemonade or used a straw (sissy stick) since. I'm 36.
23. Something ain't sprite about this story
I was pulling out of a drive-thru, hit a bump, and the straw went up my nose right as I inhaled. Got sprite in my lungs :(
24. Moments of profound realization :')
One day our whole family bought a bunch of fast food including fountain drinks for all five of us. When we got home and took everything out of the bag we found that they had neglected to supply any straws... and for a few embarrassing moments I was left wondering how we would be able to consume our drinks now.
Then of course it hit me that there was in fact another way to drink from a cup. Once I came to that realization I also came to the conclusion there was no reason to use a straw in the first place.
25. Pretty sure this story is one of Oprah's bookclub picks
Every time somebody wanted to flip a coin, I was there. "No, don't worry guys, we can all draw straws, I brought mine!" I would say, and everybody would ignore me. For years, I persisted on only choosing things by drawing straws: Monopoly? Screw rolling the highest number, we draw straws. Bathroom schedules? We draw straws to determine the order we choose our times. But one rainy day, about 3 and a half years ago, I wanted to work out whether my brother or I would get the TV remote, when a look of horror shot through my face: I only had one straw. That was the last straw. Ever since then, I haven't drawn straws once.
26. Great story... but what the heck is an Ice Chocolate?
This literally happened maybe 2 weeks ago. Home for the holidays and my old man has been finishing work around 9pm. I decided to be a top notch son and make an Ice Chocolate for him when he walks in the door. I went the full way with whipped cream, marshmallows, flakes, ice and ice cream and presented it in a hipster-esque jar like the cafes do these days. He comes home and is pretty chuffed about it. He decides he wants a straw we didn't have any in the draw but he remembered his work bag had some in it. One of those big thick straws. Annnyway. He starts drinking and goes "what's that" and proceeds to pull a slug out of his mouth and starts gagging. He works on a horse stud so his bag had been outside that day and a slug had got into his bag and into the straw (we know this as he had another straw in the bag and they were in that straw also. Needless to say I now ask if he wants a straw when he's drinking something.
27. Reminds me of little kids on the playground with drinking box straws
Maybe not quite on topic, but back in the early 80s my beloved grandmother decided to quit smoking because, as she said, "if cigarettes ever get to over $2 a pack (yes I know right), I'll quit."
Cue the day in maybe 1985 when smokes broke the two dollar a pack level, and she (Continued)
Continue reading on the next page!
and she quit cold turkey. Seriously, after several decades of smoking she just quit. And there was no nicorette gum at the time.
The only thing she did was smoke straws. Like she would hold a straw in the same place she would have held a cigarette and just pretended to puff on it. As a kid I was so proud of her and impressed with this. She did quit for good, with only holding a straw in her hand.
So maybe her last straw was the last one she held before she realized she no longer needed that crutch.
28. This is... surprisingly a good reason to be afraid of straws
I have a very legitimate reason to be fed up with straws. This was my last straw. And it went into my chest. So when I was little I was at a friend's birthday party and his mom gave us cups to drink out of with the straw built into the cup. And they were thick plastic. Long story short we were playing games in my friend's backyard and I tripped on the grass and I fell on my cup, the straw part taking a nice chunk of skin off my stomach. Haven't used a straw for ten years.
29. That's a horrible prank
I was drinking a soda after work and my buddy who was bartending slipped a cocktail straw into my straw; so when I sipped, the cocktail straw flew down my throat and got stuck.
30. A message to you, from the creator of this last straws article.
Hi there.
If you just got to the end of reading this 6 page article about drinking straws, I want to take the time now to personally thank you. You, kind reader, are a special being. For when we read an entire article about drinking straws, it is not just an article about drinking straws. The internet is an ocean of content. You could be reading about the collapse of our environment, Donald Trump's new bathroom bills affecting trans school kids in the US, or any of Emily Dickenson's 1789 poems. But you didn't. You clicked on an article about straws and you committed, globdammit!
Because, my dear friend (are we on that level yet? Can I call you friend?) the distance to the edge of the observable universe is about 46 billion light years across. Within that universe, there are approximately 50 sextillion habitable planets and many more unhabitable ones. Our planet, Earth is home to 8.7 million different species, ranging from Paedophryne amauensis (a frog the size of your pencil eraser) to the blue whale (a whale the length of 3880 pencil erasers). Of all the stories belonging to all the universe and each of the 8.7 million species and every one of the 7 billion people in it, you chose to dedicate your time to reading about fairly mundane moments in the lives of just 29 of those human beings. Because you know that, even though there are cooler stories or more exciting stories or sadder or happier ones, everyone's story matters, even these kinda crappy ones.
- Your forever indebted content "writer", Sara
"What's something extremely popular but you just can't give a f*ck about it?"
What Exactly Are They Trying To Influence?
"Influencers."
"They have a different vibe than I have/aspire to have, different ways of expressing themselves, different values, different beauty standards, etc."- smieklinsh
"So-called influencers."
'My personal opinion."
"If you like them, cool."
'No harm done."- queen_tabby
"Elon Musk.'
"Isn't aren’t part of my life, so why should I take time from my life to think about the crap they’re doing?"- attention21
Elon Musk Reaction GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphyIsn't It Good News Either Way?
"Gender reveal parties."- Back2Bach
Just Another Distraction
"TikTok never got into it."- thneakythnake660
How Many Strangers Are Looking At Your Pictures?
"Followers on social media."- Single_Goat3138
Pop Tv GIF by Schitt's CreekGiphy"Figure" Heads being the operative word
"The Royal Family."- Natasha_JB
Comfort Over Quality
"Sneakers."
"Like, I’ll indulge and buy a pair I think are really cool."
"But other than that, why tf would you spend $2000+ on a pair of shoes that actually cost less than $10."- eggtada
Kim Kardashian GIF by E!Fame Is Seldom The Same As Qualified
"I’d say entertainers who are so wealthy and think they are the voices of normal people."-mayoinstrumentalz
Or Anything Else About Him?
"Ye's Opinion."- SlimePrice
Just How Real Was It?
"Reality TV."- brycebrycehayeshayes
Phaedra Parks Reality Tv GIF by Real housewives of AtlantaGiphyCan It Even Be Considered A Chat?
"SnapChat Streaks."
"Since when was a fire emoji and a number a symbol of popularity and friendship?"
"I just don't have the time for this sh*t."- Yes-I-Have-Arrived
Quality Over Quantity
"Starbucks."- Maleficent_Insect71
The best thing about opinions and personal taste is that they are unique to every individual.
No two people have to like the same thing, nor should we judge those who dislike something we like and vice-versa.
Even if it's hard to say it's unreasonable that not even two people should give Elon Musk or Ye any time of day.
Though again, that's just an opinion...
Redditor Jakubeu101 was wondering how people really felt about relationships with more than one lover, so they asked:
"What do you think about open relationships?"
It's certainly not for everyone, especially those who have a tendency to get jealous.
Yuck
First Date Dating GIF by OriginalsGiphy"Tried it for a year. Didn't work. It's perpetual dating which is the worst. Then they get jealous."
chewie8291
Avoidance
"All the hassle of 2 (or more) relationships needs to be something everyone involved needs to be okay with. It can be done correctly by couples that really know how to communicate and are strong in conflict resolution. (Usually this also means starting in an open relationship and not opening up later on) Unfortunately many couples use 'opening up the relationship' as a solution to avoid the need to communicate better. Those are doomed from the beginning."
CaelTyr
Shenanigans...
"My parents have been together for 40 years, married for 36. A couple weeks ago we went and stayed with one of my dad's childhood friends. As the wine got flowing, she regaled the rest of us with various stories of the shenanigans they got up to with their other friends. My mom was having the time of her life hearing all these stories she'd never heard before. (this was northern Wisconsin in the early 80s, lots of teenage drunken shenanigans)."
mstarrbrannigan
Consent
"Not for me, but I don't care if everyone's a consenting adult and no one is taken advantage of. The issue IMHO is that if you go from monogamous to open it is shifting the relationship in ways that rarely work, but if you come at it from the start there's decent chances of making it work."
Bi_Aint_Shi
All of It
"I think the idea that you've learned everything and there's nothing else new to know about a person is the first problem. I was in a polyamorous relationship for about a year and even to the end of it was constantly learning things about my partners, their SOs etc."
"I'm now monogamous and married, and years down the road I'm still learning things about my partner. They've lived a whole life before me, it will be many many years before I know 'everything' about them."
Dfnstr8r
Consequences
jealous GIFGiphy"I think it’s one of those things where both partners have to be 100% on board with what it means. There can’t be jealousy and you have to be ok with the idea of your partner sleeping with more people than you possibly. I think most people who consider an open relationship don’t really think about it means so it inevitably fails."
RaijinQ
It's not for everybody. Emotions in check first.
Stronger
Chair Stronger Music Video GIF by Britney SpearsGiphy"I'm in one. Going strong almost 8 years. Requires a ton of communication. Also, what counts as an open relationship varies wildly and the boundaries/rules are determined by the people within the relationship. There is no one size fits all."
nkorper
Bad Ideas
"I met a guy on tinder that was in an open marriage. We went on a few dates, one of which I was surprised to meet his wife and kids."
"They seemed like a happy family, very content with their arrangement. I enjoyed getting to know the guy, but he started to get impatient with how slowly I was moving. I wasn’t comfortable moving forward physically, so we decided to end it. Fast forward a year later, and he ended up committing suicide."
"His wife wasted no time posting online about how awful he was to her. It seems their 20-year open relationship was his game of control. He was a cheater and an abusive husband. I carry some guilt knowing he used me to upset her, and I sat there with a stupid smile on my face."
blahblah-user
Proven False
"Tried it, she screwed some dudes and when I picked up started getting jealous. Most open couples aren't really open. Usually someone wants it (or just wants to cheat without guilt) and someone's getting dragged into, pretending it's okay. Very few true open relationships, it's proven by how many last more than a year."
F33dR
Doing It All
"My husband and I did it...very enthusiastically... For about 6 years. We made the decision to try it after 24 years of marriage and because neither of us had had any other partners before we met. For us it was a fantastic experience. We never had issues with jealousy but we had a very strong relationship with a high degree of trust. We definitely saw a lot of marriages fail due to those issues."
"Eventually we sort of... faded out of it tho. It is just a lot of work. Finding people with the right chemistry-the on line dating scenes, going to the clubs, the meet up's that don't always work: it's exhausting. But for us it was definitely worth it. And if my hubby came to me tomorrow saying that he'd met someone he'd like to screw, I'd still be cool with it."
sabertoothbunni
"guilt free"
"I personally hate them because of an ex. I was pressured to make our relationship open for months, and I really didn't want to. That wasn't the kind of relationship I wanted to have. I later then found out that she was pushing so hard because she was already sleeping with other guys and wanted a 'guilt free' way to cheat on me, and ended up sleeping with three other people that I am aware of."
"Generally I don't mind them if that's what you want and all parties are okay with that situation. I have a friend who does that and he's never been happier in terms of a relationship with someone. But I will refuse to ever do an open relationship with anyone."
A_GuyThatDoesStuff
Not Me
No Way Beer GIF by BuschGiphy"I'm genuinely not a fan, i prefer monogamy as I feel a much closer bond can be created between two people rather than a group. however that is not how it is for everyone."
thra888
Life lesson?
You do you.
Just be honest and really communicate how you're feeling and the boundaries you feel comfortable with.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/