We’ve all had those moments in our jobs where we are left to just stare at the customer in disbelief over their dumb questions. These Redditors shared some of the weirdest questions they’ve received, from questions about Wi-Fi allergies to unreasonable food requests. Maybe think twice before you ask a question in the future.
1. Flight Path
architectural photography of white aircraft
Photo by Chris Leipelt on Unsplash
I fly private jets. Once we were flying east early in the morning so the sun was directly in our eyes. I was quite used to this, but apparently not everyone on board was as comfortable. A passenger was sitting directly behind us on the jump seat. He leaned forward and uttered the stupidest question I’ve ever heard.
He asked me: "Is there any way we can just climb and get above the sun”? No.
2. Battery Powered
person holding black and green electronic device
Photo by Kumpan Electric on Unsplash
I was working at a car battery store, when a customer came in with a receipt for a battery he had bought a couple weeks ago, asking for a refund. I asked him if he had the battery with him, so that we could take the battery back and refund him the money. He said, "No, I don't have it anymore, I put it in a car I just sold".
Confused, I replied, "You want us to refund you for a battery that you don't have anymore"? He responded, just as confused, "Yeah well I don't have the battery anymore, so why should I have to pay for it? You need to refund me". He did not leave the store happy that day. I’m still confused by this interaction to this day.
3. Grin And Bear It
brown bear near grass field
Photo by Jessica Weiller on Unsplash
I worked at REI a few years back—a large outdoor sporting goods co-op, just in case you haven't heard of it—and we sold bear spray which is like pepper spray for bears. A woman came in with her two kids one day and bought a canister because they were going camping. What happened next left me utterly horrified. She got to the front door, then came back to the register as an afterthought, and asked if she was supposed to just spray her kids from head to toe with it.
4. Dial Tone
woman in black headphones holding black and silver headphones
Photo by Charanjeet Dhiman on Unsplash
I work for a major wireless cell carrier in the US. I had the following conversation with a customer one day: They asked, "How do I make a phone call"? Me: "Just press the application labeled phone". Them: "Where”? Me: "On the phone". Them: "Right here? The one that looks like a phone"? Me: "Yes". Them: "Nothing is happening"!
I looked at the customer, confused. Me: "Normally when you want to make a phone call and you don't have any contacts programmed into the phone, dialing a phone number is required". The customer looked disappointed. Them: "If I wanted to waste time dialing numbers, I would have stuck with my landline"! It was so strange.
5. Swimming With The Fishes
blue and gray fish near corrals
Photo by Shaun Low on Unsplash
About a decade ago, I used to work doing customer service for a power company in Texas. As you can imagine, a great number of my calls involved late bills and disconnections. And it's not like the company was ruthless. Due to Texas regulations and the general PITA of disconnecting/reconnecting someone, it generally required being three or more months overdue to actually get shut off.
So it was hard for me to work up much sympathy for anyone who was disconnected for delinquency. But the absolute best response I had was the guy who called up screaming at me about his power being off. He was asking why I couldn’t just turn it back on, because he'd just bought a whole load of rare exotic saltwater fish which had to be kept temperature controlled. And, of course, he was totally unwilling to pay anything towards his bill either, because he'd spent his money on the fish.
So yes, I DID say exactly what any reasonable person would be thinking at that point. I feel bad for the fishes though.
6. Debt Collector
white printer paper on red textile
Photo by Dylan Gillis on Unsplash
I was a bill collector in Colorado in the mid-90s and we collected on student debt, medical debt, and credit cards. So this 22-year-old woman had around $7,000 in credit card debt on a card that was now canceled and in collections. I called her, and she was friendly and insisted she had paid for everything she purchased on her card.
As a dutiful collector I now recognized I had what is called a disputed debt and it was now my job to verify the debt. I sent for documentation from the credit card company and a few weeks later called her back after sending it to her. She still insisted she had paid for it all. She was quite sincere. I then asked her for payment verification and she sent it to me.
What I received was all the receipts she had from the credit card purchases. She was convinced that paying for the items with the credit card was the end of the transaction. I could not convince her. She insisted she knew better and I was scamming her. "I already paid for those boots, I sent you the proof stupid, can't you read"! To her, a credit card was a get free stuff card. She was a university graduate with a professional job.
7. Like A Fine Wine
white labeled wine bottle
Photo by Louis Hansel on Unsplash
I worked at a restaurant, and one day after I delivered drinks to a table this guy asked me, "Can you aerate that for me"? There was just one problem. He wasn’t drinking wine. He wanted me to stir his apple juice. Technically his word choice was applicable, I guess, but really, dude? He had a straw ready in his hand and he could have aerated that juice himself.
I admit it took me two seconds of staring at his serious face before I reached for a straw, unwrapped it, and stirred his drink. I did it all without breaking eye contact with him, and he was satisfied. Also I think about him now every time I stir or shake my chocolate milk to make it frothy.
8. The IT Guy
person wearing black and silver apple watch
Photo by Guillaume Issaly on Unsplash
I used to work in IT and one of my jobs was to support some of the security software we offered to customers. We had a package for secure data transfers and people often had to call up to be taught how to use it. I was helping a woman use the software over the phone and I had a remote assistance connection to her PC so I could see her screen.
Me: "Okay, so find your name in the list of users". Her: "I've found it! What do I do now"? Me: "Right click your name, and then choose log in from the menu". Her: "Is it my right, or yours"?
9. Dino Dinner
Working at a museum where the main attraction is the dinosaur exhibit, we sell a lot of cheap products aimed at children. And we sell a lot of them, especially "Dino Eggs". A grandfather (I presume) and his granddaughter (once again, I presume, and hope) came into the shop, which is always busy, always cramped. And he picked up a Dino Egg for her.
He handed it over, and paid quickly. "No bag, no need". It was a lovely, simple transaction. But just as the till drawer had closed and I was pulling out his receipt to hand him, I saw him in the corner of my eye—and when I realized what he was doing, I was horrified. He tore open the packaging of this "egg", smashed open the lovely plastic shell took take a big shard to his mouth.
He began to chew, turned slowly to me, and only then did he think to ask, "Is this edible"? "No," I gasped, "No, sir. That—that's not edible. You really shouldn't eat that". The little granddaughter's face sank further watching her grandpa spit out bits of plastic into her broken dinosaur egg. It was a fake dino egg designed to be immersed in water so that the rubbery dino toy on the inside can "grow and hatch".
I gave him another. Well, I gave it to his granddaughter. Best to keep it away from him, he was clearly ravenous.
10. The Stomach Wants What The Stomach Wants
woman in white crew neck t-shirt eating apple
Photo by Josh Pereira on Unsplash
I work at a small outdoor restaurant that sells wings and fries. Nothing else, just those two things (as far as food goes). About a week ago, a man walked up to my counter, took a menu, proceeded to read the entire thing in front of me, and then put down his menu to ask, "Can I get a cheeseburger combo"?
After taking a minute to wipe the baffled expression off of my face and telling him no, we only sold wings and fries, he said, "What about a hot dog? Let me get a hot dog"! My mind was blown after that conversation.
11. Shift It
person using MacBook
Photo by Courtney Corlew on Unsplash
Back when I did tech support, I received a call from a customer with a peculiar keyboard problem. It seemed that he was having trouble with the shift key. When he typed a letter with the shift key pressed it gave him the upper case letter, but when he typed a number, it didn't do that. Didn't do what? Type the upper case number. I had to break it to him gently.
12. One-Stop Shop
red and white canoe on lake near green trees under white clouds during daytime
Photo by SaiKrishna Saketh Yellapragada on Unsplash
A customer walked into our tiny bike shop jammed packed full of bikes. Bikes are hanging in the window, off the ceiling on the walls, all over the floor. There is not a square foot of space in the shop that is not occupied by a bike or various parts of one. This still led to the cringiest interaction of my life.
Him: "This is the bike shop right"? Me: “Yes”. Him: "Do you guys sell bikes or fix them"? Me: “Both”. Him: "If I brought my canoe in could you fix it"? Me: “Is canoe the name of your bike or is it a boat"? Him: "It's just a canoe for the lake. Do you guys fix them"? Me: “What? No, we're a bike shop”. Him: "Oh".
13. Show Me The Door
red and yellow flowers in green plants
Photo by Sigmund on Unsplash
This happened last week. A woman, maybe in her seventies or late sixties, was sitting on a Rascal scooter rolled up to the closed door on the corner of the garden center. She sat there for about two minutes, staring at the door and getting passed by about a dozen customers making for the actual entrance. Eventually, she looked at me, a bit miffed, and asked when the garden center was going to open.
I said it is open. The door is twenty feet to your left. She then sat there for another two minutes negotiating how she would maneuver her Rascal into the store as a dozen more people walked in and out of the obviously open doors. Mind you, there were about two hundred carts full of plants arranged in a corral that highlighted the pathway to the entrance, people were briskly walking by with carts full of plants, and never has anyone else that I've encountered been confused as to where the entrance was. This was one simply special senior.
14. Pasta Problems
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Photo by Rob Wicks on Unsplash
I work at an Italian place right now. We call our Italian menu items by Italian names with English descriptions. I get a lot of questions, but I don't mind a hair because I get paid to talk about food. Not too long ago though, it went ridiculously slapstick. It's not that they asked a dumb question, but they kept asking it.
"Pollo e penne"? "Oh, that's chicken and pasta with-" "Does it have meat in it"? "The chicken pasta? Yes, pollo is Italian for chicken". "Can I get the chicken but not the pollo"? "Pollo is just Italian for chicken, if you want chicken it's really good". "No, I like chicken but I don't want pollo". I kind of lost it for a split second.
15. Using Your Noodle
yellow pasta on white paper
Photo by Karolina Kołodziejczak on Unsplash
When I was waiting tables a few years ago this couple ordered two orders of fettuccine penne. Dumbfounded, I asked if they wanted fettuccine alfredo or penne alfredo. They responded "No no no, we want fettuccine penne". I tried to explain to them that they were ordering two different types of pasta, while asking what sauce they wanted. They had no clue what I was saying.
I ended up just giving them penne alfredo and when I went to check up on them they thanked me for getting the order right, exclaiming that the "fettuccine was off the charts".
16. Build-A-Burger
brown bread on white paper
Photo by Saile Ilyas on Unsplash
The customer I was serving ordered a burger. Him: "Hey, do you guys have those burger buns like they sell at the grocery store across the street? You know the ones with the swan on the bag"? "No sir, we get our buns shipped to us from our supplier, they're a different brand". That’s when he asked a question so dumb, I’ve never forgotten it.
"Do you think you could run across the street and buy a bun for me? I really want that one for my burger". He genuinely expected the restaurant to pay for it, too. And he didn't even know the name of the brand of buns, not like that matters, but still.
17. What Time Is It?
brown and blue castle under cloudy sky during daytime
Photo by Bastien Nvs on Unsplash
When you get hired at Disneyland, other Cast Members warn you that people will ask you, "When is the three o'clock parade"? You assume they are joking and exaggerating, but then it actually happens, and you have to tell the guest that it is at three o'clock without a trace of sarcasm or exasperation.
Part of the Disney brand is service with a smile and genuine caring, so questions like these get answered earnestly and happily and with respect, but sometimes I do impress myself with my learned ability to maintain a cheery and helpful disposition at all times.
18. Know Your Geography
Space Needle tower at night
Photo by Andrea Leopardi on Unsplash
I worked at the Space Needle in Seattle. The guys who worked the lift had some of the dumbest humans in their presence. Part of the lift operator’s job was to point out important things in the city and surrounding landscape. I will be Lift Operator (LO) in this conversation, and the tourists will be Neanderthal Dave (ND).
LO: “And over there is the Olympic Peninsula, home to the Olympic Mountain Range”. ND: “Is that Russia”? LO: “Pardon”? ND: “Is the peninsula Russia”? LO: “N-no. No it is not”. ND: “Are you sure”? LO: “I am absolutely positive Russia does not have land mass in the United States. Now then, over there, you will see one of our more famous mountains, Mount—” ND: “Mount Everest”?! LO: “What? No. Mount Rainier”. ND: “Then where is Mount Everest”? LO: “About seven thousand miles away”. Honestly, I have no idea how I didn’t mock these people.
19. Something Fishy
fish dish on blue ceramic plate
Photo by Jametlene Reskp on Unsplash
This happened about three years ago, and I still can't wrap my head around it. I work at a restaurant and we deal with annoying complaints from customers all the time. But this one is my favorite. I had a customer come up to me and ask me why her husband's meal smelled like fish. I asked her what her husband ordered, to which she replied that he ordered a fisherman's platter, which as you may have guessed has fish as part of the meal on the plate.
For a few seconds, I didn't respond thinking this has to be a joke. But she was serious. When I said I can get the manager to handle her complaint, she said it's not a complaint as everything was okay with their meals. She added that her husband loves fish but she can't handle the smell. All I could say to her was that I would inform management about the issue.
20. Pick A Side
a neon sign hanging from the side of a building
Photo by Roméo A. on Unsplash
I used to work at a steakhouse that had curly fries (those weird round fries, I don’t know how they make them). All the steaks on the menu came with them, and there were photos of them on the menu. We'd also ask if they wanted fries or mashed potatoes when we took the order. Yet somehow, this occurrence would still happen almost weekly:
Customer: “Excuse me! Where's my calamari”? Me (checks order): “Oh I'm sorry, you didn't order any. Do you want me to add some to your order”? Customer: “No, there was some in the photo. It's there in the picture”! Me: “You mean... the fries...like the curly fries that are on your plate…” A close second was customers who would say "I don't really want curly fries. Do you have like, just, normal fries”?
21. Red And Green
Whole Foods Market | Whole Foods Market | Tyler Cipriani | Flickr
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I work at a Wholefoods Market and once had a customer come up with vine tomatoes. I rang her up and she was displeased. Customer: "Those should be cheaper. $1.49 each". Me: "Well I can have my bagger check". The bagger went to check. Bagger: "Yeah those aren't $1.49. it's the basil that's $1.49. it's next to it". Customer: "Yeah! That's basil"! Me: "Uh...no that's a tomato". Customer: "Really? What's the difference"?
22. Weather Woes
brown and blue concrete castle under blue sky during daytime
Photo by Capricorn song on Unsplash
This is one of my favorites that I will never forget. I used to work in a ticket booth at Disneyland. It was an on and off rainy day, nothing terrible to ruin a day but still rain nonetheless. This lady came up to my window and asked, "Is it raining inside the park"? I leaned forward inside my booth to get a better look outside.
I said, "I believe so ma'am" in the most sarcastic voice. Somehow, it didn’t end there. "Well when will it clear up"? She immediately replies. And I just stared at her trying to comprehend the conversation I was having. You have no idea how much I just wanted to say something like, "No it's not raining inside the park, it's protected by an invisible shield made by Disney magic".
23. Wacky Waves
silver foil on white ceramic plate
Photo by Tom Radetzki on Unsplash
I work in soundproofing, and I had a lady call me up one day and asked me to help her block radio waves from entering her bedroom. I politely explained that sound and electromagnetic waves are two totally different things and that we don't carry products that block EM. It wasn't the first time that's happened, and hey, not everybody's a physicist, no biggie.
She replied, "You have to help me! I'm your customer"! As politely as I could I explained that, no, actually, you're somebody else's customer, I don't sell those products. "I don't understand why you aren't helping me"! So...After a bit of mental calculus, I reasoned that it would take less time to talk this lady off the edge than to explain to my manager why I hung up on her.
"Ok, can you explain to me WHY you need to block radio waves from entering your bedroom"? "Well! To save my LIFE obviously"! Oh. Oh. Houston we have a problem. I looked at the caller ID, yep, Florida area code. We’ve definitely got a wacko here. So, I came up with a plan. To make a long story short then, I proceeded to help her to build a DIY faraday cage over her bed to block the satellites from controlling her brain.
I'm not proud of this. I'm sure a mental health provider person will admonish me for going along with the delusion. But at the end of the day, she was thrilled that somebody helped her, she is probably sleeping very soundly now, and I got to have an entertaining 45 minutes or so on the phone rather than the alternative.
24. Mystery Meat
burger on white and red paper
Photo by Eiliv Aceron on Unsplash
I work at a family restaurant. One day, one customer ordered the buffalo chicken sandwich. I brought it to him, and we had this baffling exchange. Customer: “Um, excuse me, but this looks like chicken”. Me: “Yes sir, it's chicken”. Customer: “But I ordered the buffalo chicken sandwich”!
Me: “Yes sir, this is the buffalo chicken sandwich”. Customer: “But it's chicken! I ordered buffalo! That's false advertising and I would like a refund”. I got the manager who brought the customer a menu to show him how it explicitly states "Buffalo Chicken Sandwich" and the description which clearly describes chicken tossed in buffalo sauce.
25. Roll It Up
sushi on white ceramic plate
Photo by Vinicius Benedit on Unsplash
I worked at a Japanese casual fast food restaurant and we had this thing called a Volcano roll. It cost $7.25. A California roll there cost $3.75. The Volcano roll was a Cali roll cut into the shape of a triangle and topped with spicy mayo that has been heated up with about $.10 worth of fish, literally just a few bits.
You are much better off ordering a Cali roll and paying $.50 extra for spicy mayo on the side and asking us to heat it up. One day this guy and his girlfriend came up to the counter and he confidently began ordering several of our rolls including the Volcano roll. Since it takes a bit longer for that roll to be done, I took out the salmon and tuna rolls he had ordered.
He barely acknowledged me and continued talking to his girlfriend. After the volcano sauce was cooked, and poured on top, I brought it over and his girlfriend said, "Wow it really does look like a volcano"! I smiled and went back behind the counter. The next thing I know, I heard a voice say, "Hey! Hey! Look bro, I know you're going to hate me, but the last time I got a Volcano roll it was for pick up and the sauce was on the side. I didn't know you were going to put it on. Could I get another one without the sauce, cause I don't like it"?
I tried not to laugh and said sure. I went back and the sushi chef asked what was wrong. I told him that he didn't like the sauce and wanted one without it. He laughed and said alright, so he took a Cali roll, cut it up, and put it on the plate. I brought it back to the guy and he was super pumped. Basically this guy ended up paying $7.25 for a roll that would have cost him $3.75 and me and the sushi chef got to split a free Volcano roll.
26. Crazy Cat Lady
white cat beside blue ceramic bowl
Photo by Fernando Jorge on Unsplash
I work at a healthy pet food store and one of the foods we carry for cats has a cougar on the can to reflect your kitty's true, savage nature. This known-to-be airheaded customer stormed in with her messy granola bar in hand: "I have a bone to pick here. I bought this can and didn't see the puma on the label until I got home”.
“HOW COULD ANY COMPANY DO SUCH A THING?!?! THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!! FORCING A CAT TO EAT ANOTHER CAT IS SICK AND I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SELL SUCH A DISGRACEFUL PRODUCT. CAT CANNIBALISM IS NOT OKAY", she spat, complete with granola bar crumbs falling from her mouth and hand. I short circuited a little so I just turned around and walked to the back room and left that lady to my coworker.
27. Crazy Coupon Lady
smiling girl in black and white striped shirt
Photo by Julien L on Unsplash
I work at Kmart and on this day I was working on the registers. Now usually we are pretty good at price matching certain items from other stores but this lady came up to my register and asked for a price match. This was all fine and good but then she mentioned she wanted to match it to a Kmart in New Zealand. Who, by the way, uses a completely different currency to Australia (where I am). Yeah she tried to argue the fact that I should so I just got a manager and left it at that.
28. Tomato Troubles
stainless steel spoon on white ceramic plate
Photo by Farhad Ibrahimzade on Unsplash
Years ago I was taking the order for a lunch soup and salad combo. The exchange with this middle-aged woman went as follows: Her: “Does the house salad have tomatoes, because I'm deathly allergic to tomatoes”. Me: “It does but we can make it without tomatoes no problem”. Her: “Make sure there are absolutely no tomatoes on that”. Me: “Will do. What kind of dressing”? Her: “Balsamic”. Me: “And for the soup”? Her: “I'll have the tomato basil”. Me:...I just walked away and rang in the order. To this day I can't think of a good response to that.
29. A Dangerous Mix
medication pill
Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash
I was working in the back of an ambulance on a patient with a serious need of nitroglycerin to lower their blood pressure. The conversation went like this: "Sir, before I give this medication to you, I need to triple check that you have not taken any ED drugs in the last 72 hours like Viagra or Cialis (rattles off all variations)”.
“If you have taken it and I give you this nitroglycerin, your blood pressure could drop dangerously low. Have you taken any of these meds”? “Oh no, never”. I should’ve known then that I was in trouble. “Are you certain”? “Oh yes, of course I am”. I ran through potential deadly side effects again. “No, never”. “Okay, hold this pill under your tongue”. “Does generic Viagra count”? GAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! Why do you do this?
30. Spam
person using MacBook Pro
Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash
Here's a dumb encounter that happened just yesterday. When sending confidential documentation, we would encrypt it and put a password on it. It's common practice to send the document and the password in two separate emails. I got a message from this guy saying he couldn't open the document I sent him. Me: "Did you use the password"?
Client: "Yes. It said there was an error". Me: "What password did you use"? Client: "I just hit OK and it said that I had the wrong password". Me: "Wait.. so did you type anything in"? Client: "Well no". Me: "Could you use the password that we provided you"? Client: "I didn't think it would work so I deleted the email". I was dumbfounded.
31. Measure Twice Cut Once
pile of multi colored textiles
Photo by Moonstarious Project on Unsplash
A woman was trying to get fabrics to cover tables, but didn't have measurements of the tables. After I explained the lack of size standards (tables come in all sorts of sizes guys, and a variety of shapes too) she immediately said the first table was standard size. So we’re off to a great start. Finally figured out how much she needed of the first one and cut it for her, then moved onto the second.
I rolled some off the bolt and went to straighten it out only for her to grab the fabric and start moving it. She opened it and asked the width, which I read right off the bolt and she paused. She thought about this. “That’s just not big enough”. But she had even more stupidity in store. She thought again. “If I cut it, will that make it bigger”? It took literally all my willpower to tell her that “unfortunately no, making it smaller will not make it bigger” with a professional tone.
32. John Hancock
book display in dim room
Photo by Ashley Byrd on Unsplash
Not the question itself that was dumb but the reason why he asked. I was volunteering as cashier at a used book store for the library—not my regular job but I do it often. In came this older fella who bought a big stack of books for like ten bucks. He was really nice and chatty though he didn’t seem completely aware mentally.
Not a big deal, I just had to explain sales tax and the book pricing a couple times before he seemed to get it. He paid by credit card and I explained to him how to sign the touchscreen for the payment to go through. This is where he asked for my name. I told him. He took the iPad and said he really appreciated my service, and happily told me he was going to sign my name for the card so “they” would know to send the money to me.
Before I can say “no wait”, he’s submitted the signature. I couldn’t see his receipt but he kept telling me I was great and to keep the change so I can assume he was being legit. I honestly wouldn’t call it dumb; just bizarre. It made me wonder if he had been signing cashier names the entire time he’s had a credit card. Thank goodness the card companies never check those things.
33. Open And Shut Case
MacBook Pro turned on
Photo by Andras Vas on Unsplash
I used to work in computer sales and repairs. I had a customer come up who was maybe 23 years old saying she couldn't get her laptop to open something. So I took it and opened it, and casually asked, "What is it you can't get open"? She looked at me shocked as I open the laptop screen and yelled, "I HAVE BEEN TRYING FOR HOURS TO GET IT TO OPEN HOW'D YOU DO THAT”?? I looked at her not knowing how to respond and closed it and opened it again. She took it and walked out saying thank you. I took a long look at the computer I was working on and decided that this was the moment that made me quit that job.
34. Scrambled
egg omelet dish
Photo by Igor Miske on Unsplash
One time while I was working at a restaurant, there was a lady who assumed everything on the menu was some kind of omelet. "I'll take the skirt steak omelet". "That's actually just a skirt steak. Perhaps I could substitute the French fries for eggs for you"? "Oh it's not an omelet? How about this Greek salad omelet"? "Ma'am, that's just a Greek salad.
The egg dishes are on this side of the menu, and the ones that are omelets say 'omelet' in the description". Eventually she picked an omelet that she ended up really liking, but another guy at her table sent back his croque monsieur BECAUSE HE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE AN OMELET. I don't know what made them think we were an omelet restaurant or something.
35. What A Gem
assorted-color-and-style jewelries
Photo by freestocks on Unsplash
I used to work at a fine jewelry kiosk in a mall. Our jewelry included items like gold bracelets and necklaces bonded with sterling silver, sterling silver rings with cubic zirconia gems, gold engagement rings with diamond chips clustered together rather than one large diamond, etc. I had a lot of regulars, but this one woman took the cake. She would come in often and point to every item she was interested in and ask, “Is this real”?
I explained what “bonded” means and how we don’t sell diamond rings for $25, but that the rings were indeed certified sterling silver with synthetic gems. I gave her information like this over and over again, day after day, and she would follow up every explanation with, “Okay, but...is it real”? I was tempted to just tell her yes and move on.
36. Smoke ‘Em If You Got ‘Em
File:Kriser's Natural Pet Store.jpg - Wikimedia Commons
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I work at an independent pet store. We sell mostly dog supplies, but there's a small section of cat toys/catnip/etc. A newer, pretty gimmicky item we brought in is a line of catnip that is packaged to look like medical weed; they are the “prescription” bottles and pre-rolled “joints”. Now, people know these are catnip products, but I've had multiple people ask, after puzzling over the pack of raw paper-rolled catnip joints, "but, how does the cat smoke it"? Or, "how can they even hold the lighter, they've got paws"! I never do quite know how to reply besides muddled laughter.
37. Combo Deal
red and white concrete building during nighttime
Photo by Batu Gezer on Unsplash
I worked at Wendy's through high school and part of college. One day, a man in his 50s wearing a bright magenta suit walked in and ordered a burger. I asked him, "Do you want a combo, or just the sandwich"? He asked, "what is a combo”? I explained to him that it was a sandwich with fries and a drink, but somehow he didn't understand.
He looked at me blankly and asked "I want fries and a drink, but what is the combo"? We went back and forth on this for like FIVE MINUTES. I don't even remember if he ever got what a combo was, or if he ended up getting it. I do remember, however, that I saw him two weeks later in a different city at my other job training political canvassers. He was wearing the same magenta suit. I was in such shock that I just stared at him, saying nothing, thinking, "It's the combo guy".
38. Heavy Duty
black flat screen tv mounted on brown brick wall
Photo by Eye Speak on Unsplash
Worked at Best Buy and this was the dumbest interaction I ever had. Dude: “where are your heavy duty TVs at”? Me: “Is it going in a business”? (Thinking he means it'll be on at all times, like at a bar). Dude: “No, it's going in my living room”. Me: “.What are you planning to use it for”? Dude: “For watching! What else”?? Me: “Sorry, I'm just confused why it needs to be 'heavy duty' then”. Dude: “Well I dunno, you tell me!! You all are the ones advertising these HDTVs”!
39. Wi-Fi Weirdo
black and white remote control
Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash
I work at an electronics store: This was the weirdest conversation…“Hi, where are the large non-smart TVs”? “Well, most companies don’t make large TVs without smart features”. “It can’t have Wi-Fi”. “Well it’s not really a cost factor, you can get a large TV and not use the features”. “No it still transmits signals, I’m allergic to Wi-Fi”.
“You’re kidding right”? “No I’m serious I’ll get deathly ill just being around anything wireless”. “Do you use a cellphone”? “Yes”. “Laptop”? “Yes”. “Are you feeling alright right now”? “Yes”. “Ma’am, I don’t think you’re allergic to Wi-Fi, everything in this store is connected to Wi-Fi, hundreds of people have cell phones and you seem just fine”. “So you don’t want my money, this is why [xx] is going out of business”.
40. Take The Hint
super mario holding m ms candy cane
Photo by Max Harlynking on Unsplash
I used to be a manager at GameStop while going to college. A guy called up and told me the preowned Wii U that he bought for his son stopped working. His son dropped it. I told him that we could give him another one but since he didn’t buy the insurance, it only applied if the thing “just stopped working”. So I said to him, “Well maybe it stopped working before your son dropped it, and you can come in and I’ll give you another one”. I was trying to help—and it blew up in my face.
I was just trying to get this guy a free Wii U cause stuff happens and I don’t care. The guy proceeded to argue with me that it stopped working after the drop. “No, I saw my son drop it and then it stopped working. I'm positive”. So I said again, “oh alright well maybe it wasn’t because of the drop. It probably just stopped working.
I can’t exchange it if it broke because he dropped it, so I’m sure it was just defective. Bring it in and I’ll swap it out”. And again the guy is like, “Nah, it definitely stopped working because he dropped it”. Dude came in an hour later and bought another one full price. The DM was in the store with me at the time so I couldn’t say it outright but was shocked that this dude didn’t get what I was trying to do for him. I basically spelt it out.
41. Geometry Class
pizza with berries
Photo by Ivan Torres on Unsplash
A full grown woman asked me how big our pizzas were. I stuck out my fingers and eyeballed about a foot and said, “A foot, so this big”. She paused for a moment and finally said, “Ohhhh length wise”?? Our pizzas are circular. So any point across is “length wise”. Maybe she didn’t know our pizzas were circular, but it was pretty dumb.
So I went back to tell the other coworker what I just experienced. Right after I told her the punchline, ”Any point across is length-wise”, She stared at me with this confused look on her face. She smiled and finally said, “Oookay, , not all of us are Mister Engineer Student over here”! I just walked away. I didn’t know how to handle it. I’m not a genius for knowing about the geometry of a circle.
42. Houston, We Have A Problem
black flat screen tv turned on in a room
Photo by Sieuwert Otterloo on Unsplash
While showing Apollo 13 to my astronomy class, I had a student ask me the dumbest question I have heard as a teacher. During the “Houston, we have a problem” scene, this student raised their hand in the back of the room. The friend next to them told them to put their hand down, and said that it was “a stupid question”.
I went back and asked them what their question was, and this was their answer: “Are all of the guys there named Houston”? Think of this: 1. How many guys have you ever met named Houston? 2. What are the odds that there are 30 guys named Houston, all in the same room? I have taught for nearly ten years now, and that one is still the winner.
43. Black Belt
woman in white suit
Photo by Thao LEE on Unsplash
I teach karate and one day a lady came in who was looking to do a birthday party at her own home but wanted to buy some black belts from us for her kid and their friends. Now, I would have no problem selling her belts for home use, it doesn’t mean anything to me, except we don’t stock any of that stuff outside of when we need them for tests and promotions and stuff.
So I kindly declined and explained to her that she could go online and find it on xyz website if she wanted them, but that most schools won’t sell them because of the hard work and dedication required, etc. So she pointed at my belt, which is grimy and gross and ripped apart with all of the work in it and said, “Well eh what about yours? Can I just buy that one”? ...Yea sure lady, let me just give you the thing I’ve been using every day for the last ten years…
44. Water Worries
woman holding fork in front table
Photo by Pablo Merchán Montes on Unsplash
I used to work in a restaurant that was quite popular with the organic/healthy lifestyle crowd. This particular lady asked me if we tested our water for ionizing radiation, and made it clear that if we didn't she would leave. Out of sinister curiosity, I told her "Of course we do, in fact I'll test it right in front of you, just let me get my Geiger counter from the back".
I downloaded a mock Geiger counter app and tested a glass of tap water in front of her. She completely bought it and proceeded to order a fruit salad and a water bottle. To be fair my phone case at the time made it look a bit blocky, so there's that. I told the manager, and we had a good laugh. I still can't believe I got away with it.
45. Speedster
Super Sonic toy
Photo by Nik on Unsplash
I've worked part time at a video game store for the last two years. This story took place last summer. A soccer mom came in with her demon spawn and gave me a hard time for not having “That Sonic Game” available. Me: “Hello, welcome to insert generic video gaming store name here”. Lady: “Yeah hi, I want to buy the Sonic game”.
Me: “I'm sorry ma'am, I'm not sure I understand you. Which Sonic game are you talking about”? Lady: “The one where you go fast! My child wants it and you will not disappoint him”. Me: “Ma'am, we have Sonic Forces available to pre-order, but it hasn't been released yet. If that's the game you're talking about, you can pre-order it now and receive it at release”.
Lady: “My son wants it now. Look, I'll slip you a tenner if you get it for me, nobody has to know”. Me: “I'm sorry ma'am, but we don't have any copies of the game. And even if we did, I would not be allowed to break the street date for the game. Once again, if your child wants the game, you can pre-order it now and you'll receive it on the day the game is scheduled for release”. She then asked to speak to my manager (go figure lol) and kept trying to get him to break the street date for a game we didn't even have copies of.
46. The Do-Gooder
three women carrying basin while walking barefoot
Photo by Ninno JackJr on Unsplash
I used to be a receptionist at a local branch of UNICEF (the United Nations Children’s Emergency Fund) and people would call in at least once a week with a variant of this. Caller: “Hi, how can I volunteer with UNICEF in Africa”? Me: “Well, you need to contact UNICEF International in New York City. We don’t actually send volunteers in the field from this office”. Caller: “Oh well, I need to go next week (or some other unreasonable time limit). How do I do that”?
Me: “I’m pretty sure that the application will take more than a week. They will need to make sure you have the qualifications they are currently looking for”. Caller: “Qualifications”? Me: “Yes, mostly they need professionals in the medical field or teachers with experience working with nonprofit organizations or even sometimes translators or international lawyers, although those two don’t usually get sent out of the country they are based in”. Caller: “I am unemployed and don’t really have any experience in any field, so they can’t just send me to Africa next week? Because I can go now…”, or something similar. Me: “No”.
47. An Eye For An Eye
woman in blue denim jacket wearing eyeglasses
Photo by IVAN CRUZ on Unsplash
Once, while working at an eye doctor's office, a woman was upset because we were charging her to make new lenses with an updated prescription. She was getting frustrated and asked, "Why do you have to make new lenses? Can’t you just inject some more medicine in the ones I already got"? It took all I had not to laugh in her face.
48. Bathroom Rules
pink wash room neon signage
Photo by Prateek Katyal on Unsplash
I was standing next to a HUGE bathroom sign, restocking silverware as a woman in her mid-30s entered the establishment. Woman: “Sir, where is the bathroom”? Me: “Down that hallway, ma'am”. I pointed to the direction the sign was pointing. Woman: “No, it isn't”. Me: “Err, what”? I was not prepared for what she said next. Woman: “That's a couple's restroom, see? Man AND woman”. Me: Chuckles “Oh, no. That’s a unisex bathroom, you can use it”. Woman: “I'm not a unisexual. I'll just run over to Applebee’s”. She left.
49. Leggo My Eggo
waffle on gray ceramic plate
Photo by Jodie Morgan on Unsplash
I worked at a supermarket in the dairy department. One day as I was stocking eggs on the shelf a customer asked, "Where is the Eggos"? Me: “They are in the frozen department”. Customer: “No, I buy them in this aisle”. Me: “We don't have waffles in the dairy department”. Customer: “Not the waffles, they are liquid eggs”.
Me: “I've worked here for years, we don't sell Eggo brand liquid eggs”. Customer: “What do you call that”? She pointed to EggBeater brand liquid eggs. Me: “EggBeaters”. Customer: “That's what I'm looking for”. Me: “You asked for Eggos”. Customer: “That's what I call them”. Me: “Think carefully before you answer this, how would I know your random liquid egg nickname”? She complained. I was sent home early for arguing with her.
50. Winner Winner Chicken Dinner
fried chicken on stainless steel tray
Photo by Lucas Andrade on Unsplash
I worked at a fried chicken place. A lady called and said that her daughter was going to order. Her daughter sounded about five years old and ordered 500 pieces of chicken. I said okay, laughing. The mom got on and asked how long. I told her that her daughter just ordered $1,000 in food, and I asked her, “Does she really want that”?
The lady went nuts screaming at me, asking if I think her daughter is dumb. Me: "So you want 500 pieces of chicken”? Her: "My girl wants what she wants, make it and stop making fun of her". Me: “It is going to be at least an hour and $1,000 dollars". She said something about not making fun of her and her daughter and asked why I thought I was better than them.
She told me to place the order. She showed up ten minutes later, looking for her chicken. I explained to the manager about the call, and she freaked out when the cashier told her it was over $1,000. The lady refused to tell us how much chicken she really wanted while the little girl stood there screaming she wanted 500 chickens.
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
south park wedding GIF
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
homer simpson episode 23 GIF
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
Disney World GIF
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.