People Share The Dumbest Thing Anyone Has Ever Said To Them
Every now and then you meet someone who says something colossally stupid that you can't help but wonder how they've made it through life for so long.
It's enough to make you facepalm, isn't it? We're certain Redditor DestroyingLegends facepalmed at least once or twice, which prompted them to ask the other members of the online community the following question: "What's the dumbest sh*t someone ever said?"
People soon chimed in with stories of their own.
"I'm an identical twin..."
I'm an identical twin, and I once had someone seriously ask me if I ever forget which twin I am.
No, I do not sometimes think I am my brother.
"Why doesn't he just jump off?"
We were watching the film "The Martian" and my friend (a student at a decent university) said "why doesn't he just jump off?" "what?" "like it's a long shot that he'd hit earth but maybe we could catch him, why doesn't he just jump off into the right direction??"
We had to explain to her what gravity was.
One of my friends thought 9/11 was one plane that flew into the first tower reversed out and then flew into the second tower.
"...when I saw he was serious I chuckled..."
One time a customer asked me if we sold any unfrozen ice. I looked at him incredulous and when i saw he was serious i chuckled (was trying really hard not to burst out laughing) while asking "you mean water? It's behind you" he goes "no no. Unfrozen ice!" I stood there blankly looking at him. He gave an exasperated grunt and left. I laughed and was left wondering wtf he actually wanted.
"I went home crying to my mom about it."Giphy
My first grade teacher and I got into an argument if hummingbirds actually existed. I said they did, she said they didn't. I went home crying to my mom about it.
Next parent-teacher conference my mom was like, "Oh and by the way, hummingbirds are real. So don't tell my daughter they aren't anymore."
"My brother recently started working out..."
My brother recently started working out to work on his weight and health. When he told me that, I said, "If you really cared about your health, you'd stop smoking." He replied seriously, "Smoking gives my lungs exercise." He wasn't even joking.
"Dude was truly, deeply stupid."
I had an ex that thought all cats in existence were male because he had never seen a pregnant female cat or witnessed a cat birth. He just... thought they spawned at random points and set out into the world, I guess. Dude was truly, deeply stupid.
"...they stood by their statement."
I once saw someone pour out a half full pot of coffee that was recently made because they said "it stops working after a half hour" ...implying the caffeine evaporates after 30 minutes or something. I asked for clarification to make sure I didn't misunderstand but they stood by their statement.
"I wonder if I was just being messed with."
This conversation happened a week ago.
I work at Home Depot, paint dept.
Customer: hey this tarp is 8×11, but I need one that's 11×8.
Me: (laughing) that's funny
Customer: (deadly serious look)
Me: wait are you serious?
Customer: yeah, I'm f—ing serious
Me: um, just turn it.
Customer: oh, just turn it huh guy? I'll go to Lowe's and find someone who knows what the f—- they're talkin about.
Me: (laughing again) ok, dude.
I still doubt someone out there is that stupid. I wonder if I was just being messed with.
"I hope we get to see it live."
On New Years my close friend said, "if there's going to be a terrorist attack, I hope we get to see it live" while watching the New York special.
She also thought a drive North would cost more gas money, but was okay with it because going South was "all downhill"
Also told her kids, "you better not get any computer viruses on that laptop, I don't want to get sick"
"I said it was probably evaporating."Giphy
Had a childhood friend who had a big fish tank in his room. The water was low and he commented on how much water the fish were drinking. I said it was probably evaporating. He said "what's that" so I explained the water cycle to him and he thought I was making the whole thing up. I said where do you think rain comes from and he said "God makes it duh" (he was homeschooled) so I said where do you think water on the ground goes and he said it soaks into the ground. I said what about water puddles on pavement he said it soaks into the pavement. He then continued to make fun of me for the rest of the day calling me stupid because I didn't believe God made more rain everytime it rained and thinking it "disappeared into the sky to make clouds". We were probably 14 or 15 at the time and it was pre smart phones so I couldn't google it to prove him wrong.
"There was a Senator..."
There was a Senator or Congressman who objected to putting more Marines on Guam because he was concerned it would overbalance the island and cause it to flip over.
"The Whole island will become so overly populated that it will tip over (makes hand gestures indicating something flipping) and capsize." -Senator
"Uh... we don't uh, anticipate that." -Navy Admiral
"I then dumped him."
I briefly dated a guy who came up with these two zingers: one, that the Great Pyramids were in California "because the pyramids are in the desert and the desert is in California," and two, that "black people can't speak Spanish because they're from Africa. They can only speak African." I pointed out that African Americans speak English fluently and he couldn't wrap his head around this mind-blowing contradiction. I then dumped him. The old stump and dump.
"I was once..."
I was once watching "walking with dinosaurs", the David Attenborough documentary with my ex.
A T-Rex and some other big ass dinosaur have a fight and the T-Rex gets f**ked. It's lying on a lakeside dying and my ex says "awwwwww, isn't there anything the camera crew can do for it?"
"My older sister once tried to argue with me..."
My older sister once tried to argue with me that the sun and moon were the same size and smaller than the earth because of how it looked in the sky.
"One time I was at the local DMV office."
One time I was at the local DMV office. It was across the street from an abandoned Lowe's Hardware store. It had been empty for a few months after a newer one opened mile down the road.
As I waited inside, this old man approached the DMV lady behind the desk. "I have a question," he said, pointing out the window to the vacant Lowe's parking lot. "If I parked in a handicapped spot there, without a handicapped permit, would I get a ticket?"
DMV clerk: "Sir, parking in a handicapped spot without a permit is against the law, so you'd probably get a ticket."
Him: "But the store's closed? Why would I get a ticket at a closed store?"
DMV clerk: "...... why would you be parking at a closed store?"
Him: "Let's just say I did. Would I get a ticket?"
DMV clerk: "I guess you would."
Him: "But the store's closed! Why would I be ticketed?"
DMV clerk: "....."
I was called to the back so I never got to hear how the closed loop was broken. If the old man was trolling, he played it off perfectly.
Geography class. "Why don't skyscrapers just fall down? Like, without planes crashing into them. They're so tall!"
This was college.
"I nearly crashed the car."
My wife looked at me one day as we drove over a bridge, and asked "How do they know how much the bridge weighs?" As I looked over at her in confusion, she then followed up with complete sincerity "You know, the sign that says 5-Ton bridge? Do they weigh the bridge before they put it in?"
I nearly crashed the car.
"Honestly as long as we all worked there he never lived it down."
Used to work with a guy who was the nicest person I have ever met, but he did have the habit of saying stupid things. This was in a DIY store and he came over to me and a co worker with a product, this product was called cushion corner protectors, they are put on the corners of tables/counters for baby proofing. He came over to me and a co worker and asked us "why do cushions need their corners protecting?"
Honestly as long as we all worked there he never lived it down.
"He then paused..."
This one ranks pretty high on my stupid list. Maybe not the highest but definitely up there.
In middle school, I knew this guy with a monstrous metabolism. No matter how much he ate, he never gained any weight. He was skinny to the bone; shaking his hand would cause his bones to rattle.
He told our entire class his 'secret' for staying skinny. He apparently had a special 'hole' in his throat that caused all of his food to get stuck.
"One day something will hit me in the head so hard all that food will come down. Then I'll be fat."
He then paused, reconsidered, and said,
"Actually, no. Not fat. I'll be obese."
Those who grew up between the '80s and early 2000s have a long memory of items and experiences that either went out of style or disappeared completely.
From early PC games to Blockbuster to favorite snacks, there's a lot to miss from childhood.
But the odd thing is how quietly some of these things went away, and how few people seemed to notice.
Feeling nostalgic, Redditor lukiiiiii asked:
"What quietly went away without anyone noticing?"
"ROFL (Rolling on the Floor Laughing) dropped off of the face of the planet, and now we just go straight from LOL (Laughing Out Loud) to LMAO (Laughing My A** Off)."
"I've been using it way more lately because of this. ROFL; can't let the classics die."
Save Those Box Tops!
"Actual toys in cereal boxes and Cracker Jack boxes."
The Early Facebook Years
"Facebook 'Poke' wars."
How the Times Have Changed
"People calling them 'camera phones.'"
"When you turn off the TV, how the image would shrink to a dot before slowly fading away."
"When you turn off the TV and then you run your finger on the screen and hear the crackle and feel the static on the glass."
Positive Environmental Change
"It was a huge environmental issue in the late 70s through the early 90s. Rain was acidic and damaged fertile areas among other things."
"In the US, there was much research done, and eventually industrial regulations were put into place. Companies were allowed to decide what approach they chose to take as long as the results showed the appropriate amount of reduction in sulfur dioxide emissions."
"Unfortunately, positive news doesn't sell, so news outlets did not do justice to reporting this success. As we went into the 2000s, hardly anyone remembered what was done."
Can We Say, 'Nom Nom Nom'?
"McDonald's all-day breakfast menu."
"The pandemic killed a lot more than just people. I really miss McDonald's all-day breakfast."
"And being able to go to Walmart at 2 AM."
The Days of Landlines and Cords
"I live in a rural area and have to pay for landline service to have internet. Since I have to pay for something so stupid, I figured I'd have to get something stupid."
"...So I got the hamburger phone from the movie 'Juno.'"
"Not gonna lie, the landline has come in clutch a few times, and holding a hamburger to your ear is amusing every time. 10/10 would recommend."
Late-night Grocery Runs
"I think people have noticed now but at the time, nobody noticed it was happening: the closing of 24-hour stores. I live in a major city and we don’t have a single 24-hour grocery store ever since the pandemic."
"In a World Where..."
"Movie trailers with that deep voice guy [Don LaFontaine] doing the voiceovers."
"SoBe. I think the last time I had one was at Quizno's."
"[cue 'X-Files' Music]"
Gizzard the Taco Bell Dog
"Taco Bell used to have a chihuahua as their mascot. Little dude just disappeared one day, and anyone born after 2000 probably doesn't even know what I am talking about."
"Google+ was the only social media our school forgot to block on our laptops, so I used it a lot. RIP."
Some of these really brought back some deeply-engrained memories for the '80s to '00s kids, and it's true that many of them blipped out of existence quietly.
But if this teaches us anything, it doesn't mean that "out of sight, out of mind" also has to mean "out of heart."
And let's have a moment of silence for the vocal stylings of Don LaFontaine and Gizzard the talking Taco Bell dog.
We all know that the human body is very complex.
But even with all the recorded and available science, there are certain things about our bodies that continue to elude us, and medical experts can still get stumped about how the human form reacts unpredictably.
Curious to discover some of the mystifying yet unsettling truths about our anatomy, Redditor Hot_Banana_Ice-cream asked:
"What is a creepy fact about the human body?"
Now, observe this.
"If you wear glasses which vertically inverts your vision long enough, your brain will correct it, and you'll see things normal. But when your take those glasses off, everything will look upside-down again until brain recalibrates again."
"Our brain filters out a lot of what we see along with just straight making sh*t up based on extrapolation."
"My favorite is the blind spot at the center of each eye, where the optic nerve is."
"A lot of people don't even know it exists, and even if they do, it is bigger than people often think."
"And it's also really easy to demonstrate to people if you know how. It's one of my favorite bar tricks - all you need is a pen and a napkin to draw a cross and a dot."
Alternate demo: https://faculty.washington.edu/chudler/chvision.html
"Edit: If it doesn't work, you're doing something wrong - not getting close enough, the image is too small on your phone, you're not closing the correct eye or not keeping your gaze fixed on the cross."
"It isn't because you don't have a blind spot. Unless you're a squid, you have a blind spot. All vertebrates have them."
The workings of our innards are out of this world.
The intestines are covered by a double "fleece" of peritoneum. See it like a blanket.
When your intestines get damaged for whatever reason, this blanket starts moving out of itself and crawling upwards towards the place which has the injury. It will stay there until the injury is recovered. And then move on again.
Maybe not the most creepy fact, but definitely interesting in my opinion.
Do Do That Doo-Doo
"We don't just have one anal sphincter. When poo comes along it passes another inner sphincter which isn't under voluntary control."
"Sensory cells can detect whether you're about to pass gas or solid. From toddler age on, you can decide to go or not to go. If the time isn't right (e.g. at a friend's house or no toilet nearby), the inner sphincter can push the poo back and store it there for later."
"That's why sometimes if you need to do a number two but don't go, the urge goes away after about 20 minutes later. (But seriously, go if you can. Constipation risk.)"
"Gas can't be pushed back so easily, so we sometimes toot by accident when moving or engaging the core."
The Same Lining
"The inside of your cheek and your rectum are lined by the same type of tissue."
You don't always have control of your body.
Taste Of Curiosity
"The front of your tongue is curious, constantly patrolling, and autonomous. It chases the dentist around your mouth and you aren’t even aware of it. So embarrassing and weird/creepy."
"In dental school, I learned this fact when practicing taking impressions on each other. My buddy’s tongue kept licking my finger. I asked him to quit licking me, and he was like 'I can’t help it!' And then we switched places and my tongue wouldn’t leave him alone.And for those of you that don’t think your tongue does this: some of you are right. But the majority of you just think your tongue is behaving, but it is all over the place without you even knowing."
Dancing With The Dead
"Bodies will move as they’re coming out of rigor. I’ve been bumped by a few (I’m a coroner). Bodies can also make sounds as the remaining air/ gas leaves… 2am in the morgue and I thought I was in COD zombies."
Wonder of wonders.
The Only Way Out
"When you get laser tattoo removal the ink doesn’t disappear, you pee it out."
"Your body’s immune system breaks down the pigments of ink and it flows in your blood stream, gets processed through your kidneys, then you pee out the ink."
Our soul-containing vessel is a mysterious wonder unique to us.
We should do whatever it takes to take great care of it because it's the only one we've got.
If we don't, they might turn on us.
When the global pandemic hit in march of 2020, countless companies saw themselves going under.
Sadly, some companies, from a wide variety of businesses, simply couldn't adapt to working under the parameters of social distancing, or couldn't adapt in time, resulting in them permanently closing their doors.
Many people were sad to see these companies close, while many others were even sadder that some companies managed to pull through and stay open.
Indeed, long before Covid-19 wreaked havoc on the world, some companies and corporations people felt were actually detrimental to society would be doing the world a favor by going out of business.
Redditor param_T_extends_THOT was curious to find out which companies people fell into this less than prolific category, leading them to ask:
"Which company could go out of business tomorrow and it would be to the betterment of this world?"
Nothing Express About It
"Express Scripts."- BadDadJokes
Wildly Different, Yet Equally Unnecessary
"Glitter manufacturers."- Sped-Connection
Where To Even Begin?
"The church of Scientology?"- dipshipsaidsochurch building GIF by South Park Giphy
Beware The Pyramids
"Any MLM bullsh*t."- Work-Alone
Taylor Swift Would Probably Agree
You Really Want To Trust Them With Your Money?
"HSBC, one of the largest banks in the world, is a criminal enterprise:"
"In 2012, the bank paid $1.9 billion to settle charges brought by U.S. authorities that it had failed to prevent money laundering by Mexican drug cartels."
"In 2013, HSBC was fined $1.92 billion by US and UK regulators for its role in the manipulation of the London Interbank Offered Rate (LIBOR), a benchmark interest rate."
"In 2014, the bank was charged by the U.S. Department of Justice for violating sanctions against Iran, Sudan, and other countries."
"In 2018, the bank was charged by the US Department of Justice for violating the Bank Secrecy Act and anti-money laundering regulations."
"Also, Nestle."- alecsputnik
"Joel Osteen's ministries."- ststevegJoel Osteen Highwire Live GIF by Volcano Live! with Nik WallendaGiphy
Maybe All Big Pharma?
'Seems like the general consensus is Nestle, but I’ll be weird and say DuPont."
"They’re the reason every living human on the planet has Forever Chemicals running through their bloodstream."-poppidypoppop
"Blinded By The Light"...
"Everyone one that makes blindingly bright low beam bulbs."- RetinaMelter9000s
One Bad Experience Can Ruin It Forever
"Mark's plumbing."- GreenieMachinie93Rockos Modern Life 90S GIFGiphy
"Oh The Wells Fargo Wagon Is A Comin' Down The Street..."
"Wells Fargo."- Itchy_Focus_4500
Honestly, Can't Agree With This One
"F*cking TurboTax."- camilofl20
"Dirty mercenary army with soldiers for hire."
"They have caused chaos where ever they have gone."
"Syria, Central African Republic, Madagascar, Libya, Venezuela, mali, Mozambique and a few other places, they have no desire to see a peaceful world as that would financially cripple them as a organization."
"Look at what they are doing to the Ukrainian people."
"Despicable organization and they have zero moral compass."- Weary_Violinist_3610
Maybe all Credit Reporting?
"Experian, Equifax, and/or Transunion."
"Leeches on America."- compusmackSmiley Face Thumbs Up GIF by Tier One CreditGiphy
Can't Help But Say It, Did She Really Think "goop" Was An Appealing Name?
"Comcast & goop."- celeresaharano·
Be it poor customer service, questionable business practices, or just plain fraud, it's hard not to agree that any or all of these companies would not be missed should they close their doors.
After all, when a health and wellness brand openly tells you that some or all of its products may not actually improve your health or wellness, that just about says it all.
...even if Shakespeare in Love remains a romantic gem...
Even if society as a whole seems to become more tolerant with each passing year, bullying still remains an ever-growing problem.
Particularly at schools.
Some might say bullying has only gotten worse, as social media often means children are no longer safe when they're out of school hallways and in the comfort of their own homes.
What is perhaps most disturbing and perplexing about bullying is there is never a justifiable reason for people to behave so appallingly.
Often, children bully other children to make them seem cool or powerful in the eyes of others.
Most of the time, they will also pinpoint a certain thing about their helpless victims as a feeble excuse to justify their bullying.
"What were you bullied for?"
Trying Too Hard
"I was socially awkward."
"I also was greatly motivated to be liked."
"I did a lot of sh*t trying to be liked that in hindsight, made me unliked."- EVEseven
Health Conditions Beyond Their Control
"Eczema which often affected my face."- Puffs01
Name Calling? Seriously?
"I was called a biscuit head, because my head was shaped like a biscuit."- cerakaz
It's Not Like They Chose It.
"My name."- maximus12121
Only Cowards Don't Pick On People Their Own Size
"Being the small kid."- occamhanlon
Picking On People For Keeping To Themselves? Just Cruel.
"For being the quiet kid."- actuallyjohnqmind
No Reason Whatsoever
"To this day, I really don't know."
"Something happened in the summer between 2nd and 3rd grade that made a bunch of people decide that they didn't like me anymore, including my best friend.'
"I only had two friends left until my family moved away in the middle of 7th grade."
"Bullies would follow me home most days and my mom finally had to verbally super-saiyan a few parents down the street to get them to take it down a notch."
"I finally asked one of them what I ever did to them, and they said 'you were born'."
"How do you even respond to that statement."
"I just got a sharp pang after seeing that phrase again."- msprang
Ignoring It Is Enabling It
"I was bullied from age 6 to age 13 every day for my surname (a word for a hunchback in my language) , my looks, my nature, me knowing English, reading, drawing and just existing overall."
"I f*cking hated middle school."
"My mom tried standing up for me, but no one cares in Slavic countries and the teachers didn't give a sh*t even though they saw everything, it's all part of growing up."
"My father ignored my constant tears and the terror I experienced in those years."
"I was attacked, beaten, and targeted whenever i would leave my flat."
"I was stabbed with screwdrivers and dull knives, chased around the neighborhood by kids on bikes while they threw rocks at me."
"I was only invited to birthday parties so that the kids would have someone to terrorize and gang up on."
"I always hated birthdays, but my mom though maybe the children would be kinder to me out of school."
"But that's that."
"Once I began high school I was around all new people, and I decided to play as a tough girl and stood up for myself on the get-go."
"But it turns out art school mostly brought other bullied kids together and I had the 4 best years of my life there with other kind and loving people who just wanted to make friends and have fun."- Cropalitet
Knowing They Wouldn't Fight Back
"Being easy to walk over."
"I had a really hard time asserting myself."
"So being 'too nice'."
"But really, just very insecure."- idolovehummus
"And my mom smoked continuously so being poor and smelly."
"Kids are brutal."
"For those that can relate I'm wishing you all the best for where you are now."
"We are a product of where we came from but that doesn't define who we are today."
"For those that can't relate, I'm so glad you had a different childhood and also hope you are doing well."
"And for those that find this is their moment to continue to bully, I hope kindness finds you and helps you with whatever you need to have a brighter day."- Evil-ish
Red Hair Is Beautiful, And Don't Ever Forget It
"Glasses, red hair, and freckles."
"Opie, Howdy Doody, and red-headed step child jokes all the way through school."- espifer
"Having red hair."- DeplorableKurt
In Other Words, Just For Being Yourself
"As a black kid, in a predominantly black area:
"Wearing glasses and having braces."
"Wanting to be a Pilot (influenced by the Anime I liked the most)."
"But guess what?"
"I'm a f*cking Pilot now."- ApacheOc3lot
Perhaps the saddest, or most infuriating, cases of bullying are when people bully others for sharing likes or interests they have themselves.
Case in point, and true story: being bullied constantly through 2nd and 3rd grade for liking Mighty Morphin Power Rangers."
Only to see several of the people who bullied you express their excitement at the release of the 2017 film version of Power Rangers on Facebook.
Some children are just, plain cruel...