"I'm an identical twin..."

I'm an identical twin, and I once had someone seriously ask me if I ever forget which twin I am.

No, I do not sometimes think I am my brother.

Rottenox

"Why doesn't he just jump off?"

We were watching the film "The Martian" and my friend (a student at a decent university) said "why doesn't he just jump off?" "what?" "like it's a long shot that he'd hit earth but maybe we could catch him, why doesn't he just jump off into the right direction??"

We had to explain to her what gravity was.

DiligentPineapple

"...reversed out..."

One of my friends thought 9/11 was one plane that flew into the first tower reversed out and then flew into the second tower.

TarynMagic

"...when I saw he was serious I chuckled..."

One time a customer asked me if we sold any unfrozen ice. I looked at him incredulous and when i saw he was serious i chuckled (was trying really hard not to burst out laughing) while asking "you mean water? It's behind you" he goes "no no. Unfrozen ice!" I stood there blankly looking at him. He gave an exasperated grunt and left. I laughed and was left wondering wtf he actually wanted.

inukuro

"I went home crying to my mom about it."

My first grade teacher and I got into an argument if hummingbirds actually existed. I said they did, she said they didn't. I went home crying to my mom about it.

Next parent-teacher conference my mom was like, "Oh and by the way, hummingbirds are real. So don't tell my daughter they aren't anymore."

Hufflepuff20

"My brother recently started working out..."

My brother recently started working out to work on his weight and health. When he told me that, I said, "If you really cared about your health, you'd stop smoking." He replied seriously, "Smoking gives my lungs exercise." He wasn't even joking.

Wynteral

"Dude was truly, deeply stupid."

I had an ex that thought all cats in existence were male because he had never seen a pregnant female cat or witnessed a cat birth. He just... thought they spawned at random points and set out into the world, I guess. Dude was truly, deeply stupid.

BuffaloSoldier

"...they stood by their statement."

I once saw someone pour out a half full pot of coffee that was recently made because they said "it stops working after a half hour" ...implying the caffeine evaporates after 30 minutes or something. I asked for clarification to make sure I didn't misunderstand but they stood by their statement.

ebbtoflow

"I wonder if I was just being messed with."

This conversation happened a week ago.

I work at Home Depot, paint dept.

Customer: hey this tarp is 8×11, but I need one that's 11×8.

Me: (laughing) that's funny

Customer: (deadly serious look)

Me: wait are you serious?

Customer: yeah, I'm f—ing serious

Me: um, just turn it.

Customer: oh, just turn it huh guy? I'll go to Lowe's and find someone who knows what the f—- they're talkin about.

Me: (laughing again) ok, dude.

I still doubt someone out there is that stupid. I wonder if I was just being messed with.

JohnnyDIzNice

"I hope we get to see it live."

On New Years my close friend said, "if there's going to be a terrorist attack, I hope we get to see it live" while watching the New York special.

She also thought a drive North would cost more gas money, but was okay with it because going South was "all downhill"

Also told her kids, "you better not get any computer viruses on that laptop, I don't want to get sick"

ClearestBlueArticuno

"I said it was probably evaporating."

Had a childhood friend who had a big fish tank in his room. The water was low and he commented on how much water the fish were drinking. I said it was probably evaporating. He said "what's that" so I explained the water cycle to him and he thought I was making the whole thing up. I said where do you think rain comes from and he said "God makes it duh" (he was homeschooled) so I said where do you think water on the ground goes and he said it soaks into the ground. I said what about water puddles on pavement he said it soaks into the pavement. He then continued to make fun of me for the rest of the day calling me stupid because I didn't believe God made more rain everytime it rained and thinking it "disappeared into the sky to make clouds". We were probably 14 or 15 at the time and it was pre smart phones so I couldn't google it to prove him wrong.

jakobdee

"There was a Senator..."

There was a Senator or Congressman who objected to putting more Marines on Guam because he was concerned it would overbalance the island and cause it to flip over.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7m6aewquco

"The Whole island will become so overly populated that it will tip over (makes hand gestures indicating something flipping) and capsize." -Senator

"Uh... we don't uh, anticipate that." -Navy Admiral

Kiyohara

"I then dumped him."

I briefly dated a guy who came up with these two zingers: one, that the Great Pyramids were in California "because the pyramids are in the desert and the desert is in California," and two, that "black people can't speak Spanish because they're from Africa. They can only speak African." I pointed out that African Americans speak English fluently and he couldn't wrap his head around this mind-blowing contradiction. I then dumped him. The old stump and dump.

CrazyCatLadyRunner

"I was once..."

I was once watching "walking with dinosaurs", the David Attenborough documentary with my ex.

A T-Rex and some other big ass dinosaur have a fight and the T-Rex gets f**ked. It's lying on a lakeside dying and my ex says "awwwwww, isn't there anything the camera crew can do for it?"

2_metro_peter

"My older sister once tried to argue with me..."

My older sister once tried to argue with me that the sun and moon were the same size and smaller than the earth because of how it looked in the sky.

ar7_ldn

"One time I was at the local DMV office."

One time I was at the local DMV office. It was across the street from an abandoned Lowe's Hardware store. It had been empty for a few months after a newer one opened mile down the road.

As I waited inside, this old man approached the DMV lady behind the desk. "I have a question," he said, pointing out the window to the vacant Lowe's parking lot. "If I parked in a handicapped spot there, without a handicapped permit, would I get a ticket?"

DMV clerk: "Sir, parking in a handicapped spot without a permit is against the law, so you'd probably get a ticket."

Him: "But the store's closed? Why would I get a ticket at a closed store?"

DMV clerk: "...... why would you be parking at a closed store?"

Him: "Let's just say I did. Would I get a ticket?"

DMV clerk: "I guess you would."

Him: "But the store's closed! Why would I be ticketed?"

DMV clerk: "....."

I was called to the back so I never got to hear how the closed loop was broken. If the old man was trolling, he played it off perfectly.

neverreadreddit

"Geography class."

Geography class. "Why don't skyscrapers just fall down? Like, without planes crashing into them. They're so tall!"

This was college.

silva_wings

"I nearly crashed the car."

My wife looked at me one day as we drove over a bridge, and asked "How do they know how much the bridge weighs?" As I looked over at her in confusion, she then followed up with complete sincerity "You know, the sign that says 5-Ton bridge? Do they weigh the bridge before they put it in?"

I nearly crashed the car.

ronoxym

"Honestly as long as we all worked there he never lived it down."

Used to work with a guy who was the nicest person I have ever met, but he did have the habit of saying stupid things. This was in a DIY store and he came over to me and a co worker with a product, this product was called cushion corner protectors, they are put on the corners of tables/counters for baby proofing. He came over to me and a co worker and asked us "why do cushions need their corners protecting?"

Honestly as long as we all worked there he never lived it down.

TonyHK47

"He then paused..."

This one ranks pretty high on my stupid list. Maybe not the highest but definitely up there.

In middle school, I knew this guy with a monstrous metabolism. No matter how much he ate, he never gained any weight. He was skinny to the bone; shaking his hand would cause his bones to rattle.

He told our entire class his 'secret' for staying skinny. He apparently had a special 'hole' in his throat that caused all of his food to get stuck.

"One day something will hit me in the head so hard all that food will come down. Then I'll be fat."

He then paused, reconsidered, and said,

"Actually, no. Not fat. I'll be obese."

fear1e