Follow the doctors orders! How difficult is that rule? Why am I even asking? We're currently in a health crisis because people won't wear masks strictly because doctors say so. It's maddening. If you're not gonna do what the medical professionals say, then why even bother wasting your time and theirs? Why rack up the medical bills that most of us will ever be able to pay. Just stay home with scotch tape and prayer. Let us know how that works out.
Redditor u/vitortrv reached out to all the medical professionals here to see who wanted to vent about the foolish actions of some patients by asking..... Hospital workers of reddit, what was the dumbest thing you saw a patient do immediately after leaving?Light it Up!
mothers day smoking GIF
Giphy
Somebody lit up a cigarette (in a no smoking area) with a nasal cannula on, and lit their face on fire. Had to come right back into the ER.
your nurses are crap!!!
Not a hospital worker but I was in the emergency room due to a sports related injury. Finally got let out after hours of x rays and examinations as I was learning how to use crutches and watched someone with stitches on his arm start stretching like he was going to run all the way home.
He turned around, walked towards the desk and yelled "your nurses are crap!" after the cut on his arm reopened mid stretch. The woman at the desk looked so tired.
Slinged.
I saw someone pull his newly slung arm out of it's sling so he could put his jacket on as he was leaving the ER. He just stopped in front of my desk and started whimpering and yelling "Owwwwww! OHhh!" as he slowly worked his arm around to get it out of the sling and into the sleeve of his jacket. I'm pretty sure it wasn't very cold outside at the time.
I plead for him to stop but he ignored me. It was really bizarre.
Downtown!
hey arnold nicksplat GIF
Giphy
Guy was discharged from our emergency room and wanted a cab voucher to get downtown. We wouldn't give him one because he didn't meet our requirements. He walked outside, called 911, and told the ambulance to take him to a hospital downtown.
So Screwed.
Go out to the carpark, meet their dealer in a car, and shoot up through their IV cannula. Then saunter back into their room as if we couldn't tell??! He got security on him after that to stop him leaving. It just meant he spent his entire stay in the toilets smoking so much we could barely breathe on the corridor and we had to watch his visitors like a hawk in case they passed him something on the ward.
He was a nice guy too. Just screwed up.
Baby You're a Firework...
In the Darwin Awards is a tale of a man in hospital with a skin problem. The staff coated him all over with a cream which is highly flammable, warned him about it and told him to keep away from any sources of ignition. He immediately snuck outside for a smoke. Went up like a roman candle.
"bad luck"
Not a doctor but.... I knew someone that is a fitness freak to an obnoxious level. She had a medical emergency (intestinal blockage) one day that involved major abdominal surgery and removal of part of her intestine. The day she was released from the hospital, she went back to her insane workout routine, trying to make up for the muscle she lost.
She claims her doctor told her she could. Her intestines ripped open. She barely survived. She still claimed after the fact that her working out had absolutely nothing to do with her body ripping open and it was just "bad luck."
Deep Breaths....
paper bag GIF
Giphy
Patient came in for shortness of breath. She was seen and discharged. A nurse saw her walk into the parking lot, jab herself in the leg with an Epipen, and come right back in saying that she's short of breath.
Oh the stories....
- Inject heroin into their PICC line (big IV)
- leave to go smoke a cigarette and get hit by car
- steal from a 7-eleven while in a hospital gown
- escape from the ER and steal an ambulance senorkose
Off the Rails....
motorcycle jim GIF
Giphy
My brother works as a volunteer for the red cross. He mostly volunteers as a medic in ambulances. He told me how they picked up a guy because he crashed his bike after he didn't pay attention and got his tyre stuck in some tram tracks. About 3 hours later he was picked up again after he tried to ride his bike with one hand in a cast. First time round he sprained his elbow, second time round he broke his shoulder on the same side.
we can see inside of you....
I work in medical imaging where patients have to drink oral contrast for their exam.
Some folks really hate the stuff and one patient after being given the oral contrast went outside and dumped it in the bushes and came back in and said that they had drank it. Our front desk lady actually saw her dump it in the bushes and told us about it but we would have seen the lack of contrast in the image even if she hadn't told us. I talked to the patient and was like "we can see inside of you, we can tell if you drank it or not."
have some self control Sir....
When I was a nursing student I did a rotation on a transitional care unit in my first year of school(where people go to wait for a nursing home placement). Had an older man as a client who did not have any cognitive impairment complain about abrasions on his penis. Ok all is well and I call for a doctor to look at it to get some antibiotic ointment for it. The doctor can't come up to our floor for another few hours.
I tell the patient this and leave to go do something else. About half an hour later it's time to go take his blood sugar and guess what I find the man doing? Masturbating in plain sight and his hand and penis are bloody and raw. I literally had to have a conversation with a man my grandfather's age and have to tell him not to masturbate while the abrasions are healing and to take it easier once it was healed.
"tackle football"
I work for a medical device company that makes bone screws. We had a patient sue us for faulty implants - apparently his screws broke less than a month after surgery. This is a big deal, and not just from a financial standpoint, so of course we launched a full investigation.
Turns out the dumb fool decided to play tackle football less than a month after his major back surgery. Our bone screws are strong, but not "tackle football" strong.
NOOOOO!!!!
Giphy
Discharged a patient after hysterectomy (removing uterus, stitches at top of her vagina) and she went home and had sexual relations, busting her stitches and allowing for her bowel to protrude through the vagina. Had to have an emergency procedure to fix it.
Bless Me Father.
I had a patient that was a regular, scans every 3 months. He knew the prep and always fasted for 6 hours like we required. I asked all the usual questions and got the exam started. As soon as I inject the medication he mentions in passing how he was at mass that morning and had taken communion!!
This is an exam that is royally messed up and invalidated if a person has consumed anything expect for water in the 6 hours prior to the injection of meds. My jaw hit the floor! When questioned it turns out he's very religious and basically did not consider communion food or drink (host and wine!) Yeah, he had to come back and repeat the test.
Help The Woofie....
I heard on my neurology rotation in vet school. They did a surgery on a doberman for wobbler's (neck instability). Dog came back a week after surgery quadriplegic. The owners let it play in the backyard with it's brother and he got tackled. The dog never walked again. :/ I couldn't believe the owners were so stupid to spend 6K on a surgery for a dog and not follow through with the recovery instructions.
Zero stars for Yelp!
Now retired but one of the things I liked about "my" hospital was the food. We have a lot of immigrants in our area and some wise person decided to hire a pretty diverse crowd of cooks - Jamaican ladies making spicy chicken, Japanese cooks making sushi, Mexican dudes making made-to-order burritos, local barbecue, etc. And it was all very "clean" from a nutritional viewpoint - all of it was inspected by our RDs.
And just about every day I would see patients turn down this excellent food and have their families bring them crap from fast food joints in town.
Edit: well, this caught fire while I was asleep. Yes, the food was good - the barbecue vendor also offered fried chicken. But, the reason I retired a year early is because that hospital was being absorbed into a large health care corporation and we all know that never benefits anyone but the suits. From what my former coworkers tell me, that cafeteria now offers the finest food service meals delivered daily in refrigerator trucks and served fresh from the microwave. Hiring cooks who needed/wanted a job is probably not part of the corporate profit plan.
Armed.
Giphy
I feel like I am that person.
When I was 15 I broke my arm. Went to the hospital got a cast went about for a few weeks and got it removed. Great! I have my arm back. Now I wasn't the brightest kid and needed everything explained to me. No one told me not to have an arm wrestle with my fresh out of cast arm.
No one explained it was still healing. 4 hours after having my cast removed I was back in A&E and getting a new X-ray and then a new cast put on by the same nurse who just took it off. I have never seen such disappointment in the eyes of someone who wasn't my mother.
Do Decaf....
A lady came to our ER for tachycardia, and anxiety. The triage nurse, on a hunch, asked what she'd eaten that day, and if she'd had any coffee. "I haven't had time to eat (this now being mid afternoon), and only four or five cups of coffee." Genuinely clueless...
Light it Up!
Giphy
Countless COPD/asthmatics coming in for wheezing, SOB, rapid breathing. We treat them and the second they feel better they will state, "I forgot something in my car", only to leave and light up a cig.
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- Medical Professionals Describe The Stupidest Misconception A Patient Has Ever Had About The Human Body - George Takei ›
- People Describe Warning Signs That Someone Should Go To The Hospital Immediately - George Takei ›
***WARNING: THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS SENSITIVE MATERIAL. PROCEED WITH CAUTION!***
I can't think of anything hilarious at the moment. Make us LOL.
Lady
Shocked Oh No GIF by Yêu LuGiphy"I have this friend, love him to bits, but his wife has a tendency of just constantly showing everyone pictures of their son at every social event. At the start it was understandable, but now I'm just like 'Lady, it's been two years; they're not going to find him.'"
UnoriginalUse
at 9am...
"Not the most morbid but I love Anthony Jeselnik’s story about his neighbor who has Alzheimer’s. 'One of my next door neighbors is a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s. And every single morning at 9am he knocks on my door and asks me if I have seen his wife.'"
"'Which means that every single morning at 9am I have to explain to a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s that his wife has been dead for quite some time. Now I’ve thought about moving. I have thought about just not answering my door in the morning. But to be honest, it’s worth it… just to see the smile on his face.”
dreagan021
Comedy?
"Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is."
GW2RNGR
"Why can't orphans play tennis? They get confused when they hear love."
JayDub506
People who make comedy are evil. LOL.
The Darkness
That 70S Show Reaction GIF by LaffGiphy"Dark humor is like food; not everyone gets it."
storm_the_castle
God Laughs?
"A Holocaust survivor dies and goes to heaven, where she meets God. To break the tension she tells God a joke about the Holocaust, but God doesn’t laugh. The lady shrugs and says 'I guess you had to be there.'"
“'I guess you had to be there' is a common expression used when someone doesn’t laugh at a joke. It means that the comedy may not translate without the context of the situation."
"In this case the Holocaust survivor is saying it, meaning that during the Holocaust God was nowhere to be found. It’s not really a joke about the Holocaust, but the absurdity of belief in a benevolent God. Hilarious right?"
semimillennial
Oh Baby
"How many dead babies does it take to fix a light bulb? More than 3 cause my garage is still dark."
sirnibs3
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Because I don't know what it says about us as people if we laugh. Oye.
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Curious to hear from strangers online, Redditor Liam_Tang asked:
"People who've divorced, aside from adultery, what were the irreconcilable differences that ended the marriage?"
You think you know a person when you walk down the aisle.
These Redditors were in for a rude awakening.
Pet Neglect
"My wife divorced her ex for many reasons, but the final straw was when she went out of town for a few days, and when she got back he had not fed or given water to the dog. The dog lived a long and happy life after that."
– StrangeCrimes
Obsessed With A Crush
"Not me, but I had an old coworker that divorced his wife for spending their entire savings on candy crush and games of the same type."
– Hexis40
Compatibility Musts
"ITT: Intimacy (sex/romance), beliefs (religion/spirituality/politics), kids, and I haven’t seen it yet but it’s coming: finances."
"The big four. You REALLY need to discuss these things in detail BEFORE getting married."
– rabbiskittles
Physical violence is a legit reason for people to peace out of a relationship.
The Flattening
"She threatened to hit me with a hammer."
– michaelrohansmith
Hitting The Bottle
"She became an abusive alcoholic. It was sad but I had to get out."
– diegojones4
Emotional pain is too damaging to recover from.
Truth Hurts
"She told me as we stood in front of the judge ending our 7 year marriage, 'I never loved you, I just wanted kids.'"
– Pinch_Dogs
Can't Fix Angry
"She was beautiful/smart but an angry angry person. I thought I could be sweet to her and 'fix' that. Heh. She kicked the crap out of me emotionally. Wife II has been a walk in the roses for 32 years now :)"
– lowlandr
A change of heart is worthless if comes too late.
"We Could've Had A Nice Marriage
"He could not understand that my wants and needs were as important as his wants and needs. We tried to make it work for 7 years. During that time, for things that were really important to me, I tried explaining logically, asking nicely, begging, crying, yelling, passive aggressiveness... cycled back through all of these options multiple times."
"(If I knew something was important to him, I would do that. For example, he was really into sports, so I went to all his events, even though that is not at all my thing.) When I finally threw up my hands and told him it was time to get a divorce, he suddenly panicked and said 'What can I do? Do you want me to do half the chores? I'll do it! Do you want me to get a job? I'll do it! Do you want me to buy you presents for your birthday? I'll do it!'"
"So, in other words, he could have been doing that all along, but just couldn't be bothered. That made me so angry. We could have had a nice marriage that we both enjoyed, but no, by the time he saw the light, that ship had sailed."
"We are both happily remarried now (to different people) and I joke that his new wife owes me a thank you note. It was his experience with me that taught him to listen to her and take her needs seriously."
– Bluebird-True
"What Can I Do?"
"My ex was exactly like this. I didn't marry him but when I told him let's break up, he went all like, what can I do? Let's get engaged, let's look at houses, etc. Basically all the pre-marriage topics that we should be discussing about after being together for 7 years."
"I got so angry and straight up told him it's too late... I don't need you anymore."
– gudetarako
As much as a couple wants to stay together, unforeseen circumstances can eventually tear people apart.
Very few people can maintain healthy long-distance relationships.
When a new job opportunity takes a significant other away, would you begrudge them for wanting a better position to earn more money? Or is it better for them to reluctantly turn down the opportunity so they could stay with you? Do either scenarios breed resentment?
These were questions I've often asked myself with past relationships, and my answers varied depending on the person I was with.
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