I hate haunted houses. I've even skipped the Haunted House ride in Disney World.
Our homes are suppose to be sanctuaries. Not some afterlife hot spot for spirits run amok.
You wanna haunt a place in afterlife, find a nice cemetery. Or at least chase down the people who did you wrong when you were here.
Leave me and my little space alone. I have enough issues with living, breathing psychos.
I am not a bump in the night person. I already have enough issues falling asleep, so I will not be living in or visiting any haunted places. And if I find out it is a spiritual vortex, I'm out!
Redditor u/scarymovie77 wanted to hear about real estate that leaves people unnerved, by asking:
What is your "my house is haunted" story?
Maybe it's PTSD. When I was a kid, there was a haunted house across the street from my apartment in Queens. Some murder had taken place there so of course nobody would buy it. And the owners let it fall into decay...
Bless Me Fathermax von sydow priest GIF Giphy
"A pastor died of a heart attack in the house I grew up in (before we owned it)."
"When I was a baby, I was sick with Croup. Apparently in the night I was having trouble breathing and was beginning to suffocate. The ceiling light fixture in my nursery fell out of the ceiling and smashed on the floor, waking my parents who found me choking. Parents are absolutely convinced the pastor's ghost had intervened and saved my life."
"shave and a haircut"
"When I was little, I had a loft bed with a desk underneath. I've always been a pretty heavy sleeper, I could fall asleep at a concert, so it was strange when I began waking up at 3 in the morning every morning. What was even more strange were the noises coming from the attic. Shuffling, knocking, boxes moving. My 9 year old brain rationalized it as an animal or bird that had gotten in."
"After a few weeks of crap sleep, I decided to knock back on my ceiling the "shave and a haircut" pattern because I was bored and hadn't interacted with whatever was in the attic. I waited in silence for a few minutes until I was about to fall back asleep, and then I heard it. From the ceiling a foot from my face, it knocked back the pattern. Every night when I woke up, I'd knock and sometimes get a response."
"It gradually stopped over the years but I still wake up at 3 am every night. It's weird but it only happens in my room, I sleep fine in hotels and other houses. 13 years later and I've just been getting weird vibes around my house. I feel like I'm being watched. I sometimes hear someone saying my name, most notably before bed and whatever said it is VERY close to my ear. I can feel their breath as they whisper, and it freaks me out so much that it takes hours to get back to sleep."
"The shuffling in the attic also started up again but I don't want to knock back anymore. There's a lot of weird sh*t that happens, things get moved, my dogs and cat stare at the same blank spot, but these are just what's been currently happening. I just don't know what to do anymore."
"don't be scared'
"I was a kid outside playing in the middle of the day. We lived in a 2-story apartment complex and I was located underneath a set of stairs and between two apartments so the air was very calm. My childhood friend and my sis were a bit farther from me by a locked storage room and my friend stopped and swore she saw the doorknob move. The door was usually open if it was in use but it was locked shut."
"They both stood there staring at the doorknob trying to see if it moved again but I was spooked and turned around to book it when halfway through my turn, a whisper in my ear stopped me in my tracks. It was the voice of a young girl. I stood there listening to her and I could feel her breath tickling my ear."
"I don't recall much but I do remember that she said "don't be scared." I think the gist was that she was trying to be encouraging. After she was done I turned around to see who was talking to me but no one was there. I was completely surprised to see that there was no girl so I finally booked it out of there lol."
"My house is super haunted, but its too many little instances to put into one story. I guess I'll just go with the most recent one. A few nights ago I heard running upstairs, despite being home alone. I thought it was my cat, but then he came downstairs, and the running continued. I was a little spooked, but its not the worst thing that's happened in this house. The running lasted for quite a while, plus a few knocks."
"The next morning I was cleaning upstairs in that room and my cat crawled into a box of fabric. I thought he was being cute so I said "AWEEEE" and started to pull out my phone to take a picture. While I was still reaching for my phone, I heard a mocking "AWEEE" right behind me. I completely froze and just let myself process it for a few seconds before checking the room. Obviously I was still alone. That one spooked me a little."
People Share The Craziest Lies They've Told That Came True | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
SpinningLibrarian Ghost GIF by Ghostbusters Giphy
"When I was younger I set up the camera on my PSP to spy on my brother, later on, I watched the video just to see the office chair spinning around on its own, wish I was joking."
And the neighborhood kids, we were all idiots who thought it would be fun to take turns daring one another to go inside, at night. If you didn't go in, you were ridiculed and laughed at. I should've said go ahead laugh, I don't care, I'm not going in. But I didn't say that...
Carl's HouseHorror Reaction GIF by SpongeBob SquarePants Giphy
"My friend Carl's last apartment had 2 ghosts. One was a little girl who would play with your hair while you were hanging out in the living room as well as running along the vertical blinds making them swing back and forth. The second I never saw or heard but I did feel him. One night, I locked myself out of my apartment (we lived in the same complex one building over from each other) so I asked to crash Carl's place for the night while he went to work."
"But he had told me don't go in to his room. There is a male ghost who will tell you that you don't belong in there. His previous roommate had let several friends crash his room and a tall black shadow opened the door and said get out to all of them. Freaked them the hell out. So here I am on the couch in the living room. Head on the end of the couch that looks down the hall to the bedrooms and bathroom. I swear I was being watched. Then it hit me. I needed to pee. And the bathroom is right across the hall from Carl's bedroom. Fan. Tastic."
"So I slowly creep down the hall and about 5 feet from my goal I said hey man I just need to use the bathroom. Then it felt like a cloud of energy got pulled back into the bedroom despite the door being closed. So I did my thing and hauled @ss back to the couch but I put my head on the other end of the couch. Nothing outstanding but just a really creepy vibe. On the positive side at least Carl had someone looking out for him."
"I connected a webcam to my computer way back when I was a kid. Middle of the night the camera was trained in the hallway. All of a sudden hallway lights flicker on and you see a dark figure run into my brothers room. 30 minutes later you see my brother walk down the hallway himself going towards his room. He had been playing on the family desktop all night. Really freaked me out in the morning when we reviewed I'm the footage. I believe it's still saved to the laptop not that I know where it is lol."
"I used to live in a basement apartment when I was in grad school. The landlady lived in the main house and while she herself was super nice and cool, her house always felt really off to me. However, she charged a reasonable amount of rent and I was only 2 miles from school. About a week or two after I moved in, I had gone to bed and the apartment was pitch black at night."
"If my landlady ever wanted to speak to me, I would hear the doors above the stairs unlock and she would call out to me. One night, I heard movement on the steps but I didn't hear her unlock the doors and it was probably 2 in the morning. She certainly didn't call me saying she needed to talk to me."
"I hear these heavy steps descending the stairs but I'm so scared that I shrink further in my bed to hide. The floor begins to creak towards my door and then nothing for a few seconds. I'm not sure if it is safe to relax and go back to bed. Then I hear the door knob start to turn. My fear makes me so scared that I pull the covers over my head to hide."
"I prayed the whole time under the covers. The next thing I know it's finally morning. I stayed in that apartment for two years. When it was my graduation, I slept in a hotel because there was no room for my family to sleep. That night in the hotel was the first restful sleep I had in what felt like forever."
"Growing up our house was blessed 3 times before it became... Normal. Stuff would fly off shelves and countertops. The dog would constantly bark at the attic entry as my brother screamed "fire monster." And 1 night it sounded like someone broke in and was stomping down the stairs so my dad got his gun ready... And nothing was there. As a child I would see shadows around but probably had no idea what to think of it. Me and my brother would go to the basement together cause we were both too scared to go alone. Lol."
I didn't do it.Neon Flickering GIF by Samm Henshaw Giphy
"Found random crucifixes on door knobs. We aren't Catholic."
"One morning, my sister woke up and everything that was in the attic was in her bedroom. She had attic access in her bedroom. Mom was shocked, sister was lazy, dad was out of the country. I didn't do it. Explain that."
Didn't hear a door open...
"My parents bought a (at this point) 110 year old house about 10 years ago and it feels everybody but me has had a paranormal experience in the house. My parents said they've seen a short, kinda chubby ginger kid appear at random spots in the house. Sometimes just standing in the washer/dryer room and vanishing, sometimes they'd see him at the top of the stairs and he'd walk towards my room (hooray) and disappear. Eventually, my parents were tired of it so they had my grandfather (very Christian guy) come and bless the house, and the appearances stopped."
"My brother has talked about staying up late and night and hearing someone walk up the stairs (they're very old so they are VERY squeaky), walk to his closed door, jiggle the door knob (original doors, so there was a quarter turn of play in the knobs) a bunch, stop, and walk back down the steps and stop. Didn't hear a door open or close, they just stopped at the bottom of the steps."
"My mom has also described seeing something peek out from around corners at her as she's sitting watching TV at night, she thinks it's probably just her slowly falling asleep and seeing things, but is still unsettling for her. There was a period of time where the mudroom door would kinda flex randomly like a change of air pressure. This usually happens whenever someone opens an outside door and closes it, but nobody ever was near a door, or the doors were locked."
"Probably just some weird phenomena caused by an old house, but still creepy. And yet here I am, who probably spent the most time up and alone in the middle of the night in that house, not seeing or hearing anything that wasn't explainable from night terrors and sleep paralysis (which I've always had, at multiple houses)."
I didn't flinch or look over...
"I lived in this big pre-war building in NYC and every night after I put my daughter to sleep in her room, I would lay in my bed and watch tv. The way my bed was angled I could see a sliver of the hallway out of the corner of my eye. I would always see this tall shadow pass by the door and it would jar me! I would always look over but see nothing after that. After a few years, I got so used to it- I didn't even flinch anymore."
"In fact, I had honestly started to believe I just had some sort of vision problem that caused me to see the shadow in my peripheral vision. Eventually we moved out but a week before we did- my daughter and I were just hanging out on my bed one night watching tv. All our boxes were pretty much packed, the whole apartment was ready to go. I was laying on my bed in my usual spot and my daughter was laying at the foot of the bed playing with her dolls."
"Again, my vision problem acted up and I saw the shadow out of the corner of my eye. I didn't flinch or look over, I hadn't in years- I was so used to it. But all the sudden my 8 year old child goes "Who was that?" Hoe. Lee. Heck. I jumped up out of the bed. "You saw that?!?!!!"
"raccoons in the attic"
"Moved into a new apartment about a year ago, and shortly thereafter, I heard kids stomping around on the floor above. "Oh great," I thought, "noisy upstairs neighbors." And then it hit me: I don't HAVE upstairs neighbors. Or downstairs neighbors. The whole joint is mine from ground to roof. Some friends suggested that maybe I have raccoons or other critters in the attic, but I've had those before, they don't sound anything like that..."
"And a week or two later, the "raccoons in the attic" were vacuuming the carpets. Must be g-g-g-ghosts! Actually, what it is is some bizarre architectural quirk that makes stomping around on the floors next door propagate horizontally and sound like they're coming from over my head. Been living in apartments since 1978, have never experienced this kinda thing before."
"We knew a guy named Mr. Weltzheimer had died in our house, and when anything weird would happen—things falling off shelves or foreign coins appearing on the stairs—we'd joke it was him. One day my mom and a neighbor were replacing the toilet in our bathroom, and were busily working away upstairs when my mom heard the door open and close and a deep, booming voice say "I'm home." She thought it was me (at the time, a teenage girl) joking around. But it wasn't. I was over at a friend's house. When she came down to investigate, all she found were the locked front and back doors."
"I've posted about this before but it wasn't the house it was the freaking Pinocchio puppet. The thing was made of wood and looked like someone tried to convert the Disney version to polygons. The cheeks and all had sharp corners and points. One day the AC was off (it was hung under a fan) and it turned to me and started reaching out. Then the air kicked on and it went limp. We gave it back to the gifter and one of their walls burned down. Never saw it again."
"Okay I was in my bedroom at my desk on Zoom for school, and I always keep the door closed so there aren't any distractions. My room has a lot of empty space, especially at the entrance. And my desk chair faces the window so I can't see the rest of my room while at my desk. Well one day I'm on Zoom for my English class and I hear my door stopper go off."
"You know those spring door stoppers on the bottom of the wall behind doors? I turn around and this thing is flicking back and forth, full speed and everything, and mine is pretty stiff too. My door never opened and there was no one else in the room with me. I was scared to do my classes in my room for a whole month but it never happened again."
"I was sitting in the living room watching TV with just me and my mom. The hallway had her and my Dad's room at the end. As we're watching we heard someone talking that didn't sound like it came from the TV. We muted it and heard it coming from the bedroom. The TV wasn't on in there. We both cautiously walked towards the bedroom and heard giggling which freaked us the heck out."
"It was coming from the closet which was open but we couldn't see anything in there. There was clearly a child's voice talking but it was... weird. Like words were spoken but they weren't words. It was almost like something the sims where it sounded like words but was not. Thank God it was in her room and not mine!"
Go away Alice!alice in wonderland GIF Giphy
"We live in an old farmhouse that used to be a boarding house for farm laborers. My four-year-old son was upstairs in his room and my wife could hear him talking to someone. She asked him who he was talking to. He said "Alice. She used to work here and feed the men but she died because she couldn't breathe."
In the Yard...
"Moved into a hundred year old house. Anytime I went downstairs while my daughter was napping, I would hear it running through the house, several times I thought it was my cheeky toddler that had woken up. Figured out it only happened when I left her alone upstairs sleeping & firmly believed it was just a small child spirit checking on her. Still creeped me the heck out. Came back upstairs one day & told it how I knew it was worrying about her, and checking in on her but that I would never go further away than the yard."
"That I appreciated that it cared, but it was actually making me really scared. I said that if she was ever in actual danger that I would absolutely appreciate it's help if I didn't realise but otherwise it was only making me worried. I only ever heard those footsteps once more: in the first few days I bought my second baby home from the hospital. I think my little friend was just reminding me that it would watch this baby for me too."
When I went in, I swear I heard screams. So I screamed and turned to run and fell through the floorboards. That did not go well. I hate haunted houses.
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All of us have fears which some might call irrational.
Up to and including ghosts, witches, monsters.
But more often than not, reality can be far scarier than the supernatural.
And there are very few people indeed who don't have a memory of a moment when they were truly and genuinely scared.
And not by an otherworldly encounter, but by things that could quite literally happen to anyone.
Redditor GodhimselfUwU was curious to hear the scariest experiences people have lived through, leading them to ask:
"What’s the scariest non-supernatural thing that ever happened to you?"
"I was 14, alone at my grandmas house around midnight."
"She was across the street at the bar she owned."
"I was playing games on her computer, about 15 feet from one of the windows facing the backyard."
"All of a sudden the glass from that window shatters, and I ran to one of the bedrooms."
"I can hear my name being called."
"Eventually I see my grandma's ex-boyfriend enter the living room where the computer is."
"He keeps saying my name."
"I’m scared sh*tless, but I walk out and confront him."
"He says my grandma stole his ID and that’s what he came for, as he’s taking money from my grandmas purse."
"He looks f*cked up on something."
"I forget how he leaves but when he does I call the bar and people come over looking for him."
"They didn’t find him."
"About a year later he did it again, and I was once again alone there."
"Except this time instead of breaking a window he decides to try to kick the side door in."
"I’m just there chilling when out of nowhere I hear the loudest bangs coming from the side of the house and I instantly knew what was happening."
"I immediately called the bar and they sent a bunch of people over before he could make it in."
"He apparently tried to jump from one of her sheds into the alley next to her house and broke his leg."
"He went to prison."- nfreshn
They're coming right for us!
"Two bison charging right toward me down a narrow wooded path in Yellowstone when I was 12."- pcc2Open Range Running GIF by Reconnecting RootsGiphy
Uncomfortable in new surroundings.
"My sister has mental health issues."
"We were in a foreign country, driving across mountains on a one lane dirt road with no guardrails."
"She had a complete mental breakdown and threatened many times to drive off the edge."
"To this day, my mom swears my sister wouldn't have done it."
"All I say is, 'you weren't in the car'."
"'You have no idea'."- BlorengeJulius
Lost in the woods.
"Getting lost on 350 acres of woods in southeast Georgia."
"Was found about 6 hours later."
The dog found me hours before the people did.- No_Regrats_42Scared Woods GIF by Brat TVGiphy
A near death experience.
"Was working as a linemen tasked to replace a 16m wooden power pole which requires climbing up to untie the lines from the isolators."
"I checked if the pole had any rot beforehand, climbed up, untied the lines, climbed down, as I was packing my tools up , the pole fell from its own."- LimaRadek
He wasn't who he claimed to be.
"A man claiming to be a meter reader was in our yard and tried the back door AFTER trying the front."
"It was unlocked because there was a field behind us and our gate had a lock, that he somehow got by."
"The meter reader man was nearly eaten by our Great Dane who was dumb and peaceful, except for when she laid eyes on him."
"Our other dog also wanted to kill him and he was up on our trampoline begging us to call the dogs off, which we, my then 11 year old sister and I, refused to do and went to get our dad, who worked from home."
"The guy escaped while we got our dad and my dad let the police know what happened."
"The real meter reader man came the next week."- ApplesintheorchardDog Bouncing GIF by AFV PetsGiphy
Had no idea what they were witnessing.
"I guess watching a loved one have a seizure when I didn’t understand what it was."
"Legit thought I witnessed a death."
"Scary stuff."- Peppapigisgodly
Always look both ways.
"I got hit by a car while in a crosswalk a few months back."
"Had a split second where I saw him coming and realized what was about to happen."
"I thought I was going to die."- jolalolalulu
Big Sister to the Rescue.
"Saved my sisters life."
"We were boating and my parents just kinda assumed we’d be ok with them only out a couple hundred feet."
"I was about 17 and she was about 7."
"I’m laying there chilling and see her slip and fall into the water and just straight up sink."
"Ran over, dove in and pulled her to shore."
"She spit up a bunch of water and was fine but that experience rocked me to my core."
"Not a super crazy story but almost seeing a sibling die has always stuck with me."
"I’ve broken almost every bone in my body, I died one time and was in a coma for a little bit but for some reason this one stuck with me."- Present-Trip5231
Often, an experience that left us scared does make for a good story down the line.
Though whether it was a good enough story to make having gone through the experience worth it, is debatable.
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Having to work for a living is hard work.
Some jobs come with difficulty and two extra sides of stress.
So the last thing people need is unwarranted hate.
I'm so glad I work from home. Writing alone.
I have issues with me, but that I can deal with.
I do hate internet issues.
But that is warranted.
Redditor PM_ME_URFOOD wanted to talk about the jobs where a ridiculous amount of vitriol is all part of a days work. They asked:
"What profession gets an unjustified amount of hate?"
Waiting tables was always the bane of my existence. Customers are rude. Staff is rude. It never ends.
Filthy HoursFail Just For Laughs GIFGiphy
"Trash men. They’re looked down on as dirty and uneducated, but they do a hard job that is absolutely critical to our public health."
"Youth sports officials. I umpire baseball as a hobby and the way parents act is deplorable."
"The parents on the other hand deserve loads of hate sometimes. I was a coach for soccer and volleyball while I was in the Air Force. You would have loved to be a sports official for our leagues at our base. If a parent got sh**ty they are immediately ejected, no questions, and reported to whoever is their higher authority. It almost never happened."
Behind the Counter
"Any customer (client/patient) facing job. They get the abuse that stems from managements decisions, mistakes and incompetence."
"I did customer service for automotive companies at a call center for years. People get so unhinged, between dealerships, management, people calling into the wrong department, angry customers who were itching for a fight over a rental car. The job paid for five free therapy sessions a year, but honestly, it would take every ounce of restraint not to break some days."
"You aren't allowed to defend yourself or hang up, you can't transfer them to supervisors for a call, you technically work for a third party company that exists to keep the customer from ever actually speaking to the corporation. It was the worst job I've ever had, and that's coming from someone who used to work at a seafood processing plant."
"Food service. The workers have to eat too, you know."
"Working fast food sucked. Not because the job was hard. But because people were *icks. For like, no reason. Working in an actual kitchen also sucked. Not because the work was hard, but because you never did it quick enough and your boss was a *ick for like no reason. But at least you didn't deal with customers."
Too much stress...Jim Carrey Omg GIFGiphy
"Defense attorneys. People hate them because they defend violent criminals. However, as one lawyer put it, their job is not just to defend these people; their job is also to make sure that the cops did their job correctly."
I've always wondered about defense attorneys. How do they reconcile their morals?
They're Smart Toowill birth control GIFGiphy
"I live in Germany and currently in my (hopefully) last semester of university to become a pharmacist (4 years of university, one practical year and three exams of state required). A lot of people here think pharmacists are only cashiers and don’t know we get a scientific education. And God help me if I question a doctor's decision."
"I usually just lurk as a guest, but I made a Reddit account just for this. Cooks for public schools. They are constantly overworked, underpaid, and disrespected. Most schools have only a few ovens and microwaves, so school chefs have to either jam unsafe amounts of frozen food into ovens and microwaves, which is a giant fire hazard, or work non-stop from early morning."
"Plant breeders and plant geneticists. Imagine you're a plant nerd and you spend your life studying genetics so you can figure out how to improve food crops. Like, to make them yield more, taste better, be healthier, survive drought, etc. But on the internet, you're apparently trying to poison the world and control the food supply."
"Veterinarians. My doctors CONSTANTLY get yelled at or called heartless when, for instance, we refer them to a hospital more suited to care for the animal than us. Like bro we didn't just tell you know we are giving you options and trying to ensure you seek the proper care. Don't call me a heartless b**tard for that crap."
No Fun InvolvedAngry Neil Flynn GIFGiphy
"Janitors. Trash-related work. Sewage workers. Plumbing."'
I feel for everyone in these jobs. They deserve better.
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Short of having a shopping addiction, no one actually likes spending money on stuff.
Why would you ever willingly give it away? It's your money!
Which might be why it feels so bad when you have to spend money of something that should be free from the beginning. People/ corporations are going to chase that cheddar, though, so there's little you can do besides complain, which frankly might be the best thing the internet is for.
"What should be free?"
Let's get these out of the way first...No, let's get this first one out of the way first.
Hidden fees are the worst.
Hidden. F***ing. Fees.
"Transaction/processing fees when you order a digital product online. Such as a concert ticket, where you pay 6 euro extra while you pay online, and have to print the ticket yourself."
"Or processing fees to pay bills that you need. Duke energy charges a $7 processing fee for you to pay your energy bill. Like wtf."
Pay To Pee
"Public bathrooms! The amount of human piles of poop around because the homeless have no where to relieve themselves!"
"Live in a very tourist-y part of the U.K., all public toilets charge and most cafes/pubs/libraries won’t let people use their toilets. As someone who lives here year round it’s really frustrating and doesn’t seem to make sense."
Want A Better Society? Educate Them.
"College. Or at the very least, college APPLICATIONS. If you're gonna require it for most careers, atleast make it accessible for people. And I just think it's stupid that people have to pay to get rejected."
"Oh god I hate that so much. Same with applying to apartments it’s such a waste of money if you don’t get approved. It racks up quickly too."
It does feel grimy when "official documentation" that is "mandatory" has to be bought and paid for not by the people requiring it, but by the people needing it.
Forcing Us To Pay For Something We're Forced To Have
"ID cards issued by the government. Especially since you need them for almost every aspect of daily living."
"I'm not the biggest fan of free stuf but having to pay for a piece of paper that says "I exist" is ridiculous."
It'll never not feel bad having to pay for something we expect to be free, but it feels ten times worse when it's something you need to get by in life. As in, need to live.
Let's All Agree To Take Care Of Each Other
"All base needs up to a level. I mean stuff we need to survive, eg. power, water,... and things we are required to use to be relevant in daily life internet,..."
"Seeing how now power companies are fuel companies are having THE biggest profit in years while more and more families are pushed into bigger and bigger deths just to get by."
"Same goes for internet tbh, poor kids are just not getting by in school becasue they lack the basic stuff every other kid has to get further in life. I am not saying they need the fastest possible internet with unlimited dl, but give them so they can work for school so the vicious cycle can be broken."
We Need It More Than Anyone
"All mental health services. If you don’t have benefits or a VERY good paying job, they are unaffordable for how often most people really need them. At $120-160/ session even once a week is not affordable for most people these days"
A Fine Line Between Need And Want
"Drinking water, sure. But water is an expendable resource and it should honestly be more restricted when we think about cases like people watering their lawns."
Paying To Live
"Insulin. People are dying because of greedy pharmaceutical companies."
"But We're 'Pro-Life'" - Jerks
"Birth control of all kinds."
"For anyone who b*tches about spending taxpayer money, I'd ask whether it costs more to provide condoms or to house prisoners."
"Giving birth (In the us)"
"As a female US citizen the more I learn about the whole giving birth sh*t the less I want kids. My friend just had a baby, there were some complications. She is now paying off a 14k hospital bill! The lowest I have hears is 8k. 8k just to have a f-cking kid! For a country that is gung-ho about forcing women to have kids they have missed the mark completely."
Everyone is looking for their payout, and unfortunately sometimes we're the ones who have to give it to them, whether it makes sense or not.
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The worst part of having breasts is Florida.
I didn't even say large breasts. Just breasts, any breasts. Florida and breasts are mortal enemies sworn to battle one another into oblivion until the end of days.
In other states, you and your ladies can live a more peaceful life. Here in Florida, it's A Song of Sweat And Fire Ants.
Ever get tiny little jellyfish stuck under your side-boob? Happens here all the time.
Bikinis should come with a "Sand Lice, Your Titty Crease, And You" informational pamphlet.
Wanna jog? Hope you accounted for the fact that the air is soup and will chafe and cauterize your nipples.
Know what limits your field of vision, making you more likely to accidentally step on a snake and/or gator? Boobs.
Know what slows you down as you try to escape the angry reptile from the above paragraph? Also boobs.
Reddit user Saibotnl1 asked:
"What's the most negative thing about having boobs?"
Now take all this stuff they said sucked, and then put it inside of a steam oven filled with mosquitos. That's Florida.
And Florida is incompatibile with breasts.
Cardio Is HardioGIF by VIASWEATGiphy
"I love them but running can be a nuisance even in a good sports bra."
"When I go to work, there is a woman that usually runs on the shoulder of the road. I gasp at how much her boobs bounce. Isn't that doing damage to tissue? Painful?"
"Yes! I literally always hold mine when going up/down stairs so they dont bounce. Running is uncomfortable even with a good bra :/ "
"If it's a sports bra that holds you, it's so tight that it's impossible to get into or out of without a whole team of people like a pit crew."
"If you can comfortably get into it, it won't hold the girls for long."
"Cardio is just not worth all this."
"As a kid I wasn't fit enough for jump rope, but now that I'm older and have the big boobies it feels even more impossible to ever indulge in."
Literally In The Way
"They get in the way!!"
"Lately I've been getting frustrated with exercise. My personal trainer will say to hold something a certain way and I'll try but it's so uncomfortable because my boobs are completely in the way."
"She has small boobs so she doesn't account for them being in that space right in front of your chest."
"My English teacher in 10th grade was drinking water one day when a few drops landed on his shirt. He then complained about getting older and how he never stuck out far enough to get his shirt wet."
"I just sighed."
"4th grade. 4th grade is when I stuck out too much to avoid drips."
"So very much this."
"I refuse to do mountain climbers when my trainer suggests it, she started to get mad saying it's a great exercise. My retort was that I'd really rather not knee myself in the breasts as part of my workout."
"The lady has small boobs and replied that she had never thought of that!"
"Probably growing them."
"It hurts, and if you get big boobs young and quickly, it’s both physical and social agony."
"It hurts to grow them, first of all, your chest aches and bumping them against anything really hurts - and since they’re a sudden, large addition to your body, you’re ALWAYS bumping them on stuff."
"But the social aspect is worse."
"Your female family members comment on them slyly and smirk at your response."
"Your male friends look at you weird and you have to realize they see you as more sexual than girls with smaller chests, even though you literally cannot control this."
"Other girls can be nasty and jealous."
"Eventually I learned to manage all this and I like having breasts now; but from like 11-16 I was so frustrated and upset that I had developed them at all."
Two Volcanosrachael ray boob sweat GIF by First We Feast: Hot OnesGiphy
"The sweat and itch!"
"Also that they're like two volcanos, which isn't especially practical during summers or when you're a constantly hot temperatured person anyway."
"No matter what I try, the skin under my boobs never cools down!"
"Boob sweat is the bane of my existence when it's even a little bit hot outside - and sometimes even when it's not lol..."
"I hate the feeling of sweat on my boobs. I just put tissue between and underneath my boobs to hopefully absorb the sweat so it won’t start to itch and drip."
"I STILL am not able to remove them after a long day. Why?!"
"Why can't I just set em aside for the night, all done. Why hasn't technology advanced to this possibility yet??"
"Absolutely they would. The relief we would get ... oh my god it sounds divine."
"Maybe I wouldn’t be so b*tchy."
"I’d honestly probably only wear them for ren faire, and leave them at home the rest of the year."
"The double standard of girls with small chests and big chests."
"If you have a big chest no matter what you wear or do it's sexual. But for girls with smaller chests they can get away with crop tops or v necks or even swim suits."
"Lol the bigger girls who spent their entire grade school years getting sent to the principal's office for breaking dress code will agree with you."
"Loose shirts will tent and billow up in the wind as you walk-- dress coded."
"Tight shirts that don't tent but cling to your chest-- dress coded."
"And don't even think about anything but a crew neckline, or you'll be dress coded again."
"I always got in trouble for wearing dresses in school, but skinny Minnie wearing something even worse gets by no problem just because she doesn't fill it out the way I do."
ExpensiveHappy Music Video GIF by DJ MustardGiphy
"Bras are expensive and you need regular bras, sports bras, probably something special like a strapless or low back if you have a special occasion or something."
"And don't even get me started on women's healthcare ..."
"Stage 4 breast cancer patient here, and it costs me about an extra $5000/yr to stay alive if everything goes well."
"I just stopped breastfeeding and none of my bras fit anymore."
"I’ve just been wearing sports bras every day because I don’t even know what cup size I am anymore and I don’t want to spend a fortune replacing all of my bras."
"Plus if you choose not to wear bras for any number of reasons, you’re treated as deviant or an acceptable target of inappropriate attentions."
"Laying on your stomach can be tricky."
"Laying on your back can be tricky as well."
"And on your side."
"Just laying in general with big boobs is a hassle."
"However women in my life have found it difficult to get a decent back massage because of this. I've seen plenty of massage tables with head holes, but none with boob support..."
"Semi-suffocating yourself on the beach while trying to get some sun on your back is fun."
"The fact that I look like a walking refrigerator if I wear a loose fitting top, as it billows shapelessly around my body in an odd fabric rectangle."
"But if I wear something form fitting, I look like a lady of the night and am treated as such."
"OMG this !!"
"I feel like all my girlfriends around me have such a fashion sense and can wear things with such grace but I always look as you’ve described. Like either I look like a couch pillow or Jessica Rabbit."
"Sometimes I just want to cut them off honestly."
"Yeah I’ve been wanting a reduction since a was a teen because of the back pain and catcalling, and many people I know with a bigger chest feel the same way."
"I had no idea women hated their boobs so much! It honestly is shining a light on an idea I have never thought of."
Attempted MurderBlack Woman Breast Cancer Awareness GIF by Know Your GirlsGiphy
"They might try to kill me."
"Breast cancer runs in my family and I have to have my first mammogram this year at 36."
"My mom was negative for both BRCA genes but there are 6 others they’ve discovered since she had cancer that we haven’t been tested for."
"Insurance won’t cover me to test unless she tests positive for one."
"Fun fun fun."
"My mom died from breast cancer at 46. I started getting mammograms at 34."
"Luckily, I took the BRCA test and was negative."
"Constantly being sexualized."
"I’m the least sexual person but people assume I’m super sexual because of my body. And I hate it"
"Yup, I'm ace and I honestly just want them chopped off to be rid of the constant sexualization of my body."
"It makes me really uncomfortable."
"My friend in elementary school had a condition where she went into puberty super early and had large breasts by 3rd grade."
"We would walk together to elementary school every morning and get cat called a lot, but we were too afraid to tell our parents because we thought they wouldn't let us walk together anymore."
"She would have teachers make comments about them."
"When we were older she talked about how insanely awful and alienating it made her feel growing up. Her younger sister had the same condition, but went on puberty blockers for it."
"These pendulous bags of hell have destroyed my back."
"Even a decade after a reduction surgery, I remain in daily pain. And now as an added bonus they get to be misshapen, scarred horribly, and completely useless for raising a baby."
"I didn’t realize how heavy they are until I got together with girl with big boobs and woooooow they are heavy!"
"I got C cups in fifth grade and those f*ckers went all the way to G by senior year."
"My posture was/is awful and I've felt like an old woman since I was a teenager. I don't even want babies, so they're never actually gonna be useful either."
See what I mean?
They're kind of awful once they hit a certain size, and that size is pretty much ANY size if you're in Florida.
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