JOIN
OUR EMAIL LIST!

The most depressingly comical news out of the Iowa caucuses earlier was about a woman who said she was ready to change her vote after finding out candidate Pete Buttigieg is a gay dude.

We don't know where in the world she's been for the last year, but you can go to YouTube to see this hot mess for yourself.

That's just one example of logical absurdity, though. You can thank Redditor DooDooPancake for introducing us to many more after asking the online community, "What is some of the worst broken logic you've ever heard?"


"My sister told me..."

My sister told me the way I was pointing couldn't be north because "north has to be in a straight line and that's a diagonal."

drdoom

"I overheard two girls..."

I overheard two girls talking about how The Hobbit was a bad film, because they stole the story from Harry Potter and used the same actor for their wizard. So much went wrong in this conversation that I am still going to therapy for it two years later.

DiscoPino

"Those lazy freeloaders..."

Those lazy freeloaders are taking our jobs.

Wut.

WatsaSpace

"My Discover card..."

Dad: Credit cards are just a scam to make money off you.

Me: My Discover card doesn't charge me any fees.

Dad: They charge you interest on your charges.

Me: Only if you don't pay them off at the end of the month, which I always pay.

Dad: ….. Well credit cards are a scam and I still don't want one.

Rollthembones1989

"Once at a party..."

Giphy

Once at a party I was pointing at Jupiter in the sky. A girl behind me said: "I've always wondered what stars are." I replied "What do you mean? They are like our sun but really far away." She remained silent for a good ten seconds and then added : "I think stars are the spirits of dead people."

NeededMonster

"My coworker told me..."

My coworker told me that she can't eat pasta because she is gluten intolerant. I said, "Don't worry, you can still eat pasta, they sell different types of gluten free pasta at the store". She insisted that she has tried those and it still messes up her stomach, because of her gluten intolerance.

imperfectcharacter

"You should buy..."

Liquor Store Salesman: You should buy a growler instead of a six pack. Beer in bottles and cans has preservatives and chemicals that are bad for you.

Me: Are you aware of what alcohol is?

optigon

"My dad does not..."

My dad does not have a garage door opener, so he has to open the door manually every time. When we ask why he won't get one, "If the power goes out, I'd have to open the door by hand."

Soooo, maybe once a year instead of multiple times per day. Okay then.

Lilacgirl42

"Why do you care so much..."

"Why do you care so much about race issues? Sure, your mom is black, but you aren't black. I mean, you were raised by your white dad."

A former friend of mine told me after I told her how excited I was to see "I Am Not Your Negro".

kara-alyssa

"Worst part..."

One of my students: "Hawaii is too small to be a state. It has to be a country". Despite showing her multiple sources, her asking multiple other teachers, her classmates screaming at her, she refuses to believe me. Worse part is she went home and her mom agreed with her, causing her to double down. Worst part is I am her ELA and social studies teacher, so her test scores determine my yearly teacher rating.

AreYouALavaBeaver

We're all well aware of the weird, horrible, predatory things men do when attracted to women. But what about when women are the culprits?

Keep reading... Show less

We've all heard how parenting is a full-time job. So it's not surprising to learn that parents have discovered plenty of quirks and methods to make things just a little bit more efficient during that eternal slog.

Keep reading... Show less
Image by salmerf from Pixabay

Stupid is as stupid does. And it’s pretty obvious when some poor, misinformed, potentially ignorant soul needs to be put in their place. Luckily, there are a lot of witty ways to do just that. We love a good euphemism.

Wanna know the best way to call out stupidity when you see it? Stay tuned.

U/lientubay asked: What's the best euphemism for telling people that they're stupid?

​Get a load of these sick burns. I swear, the people of Reddit are harsh.

Call outs are a universal language.

In Russian we have "intelligent thoughts have always followed him, but he was faster".

Humphr1es

We have something similar in German: "Intelligence is chasing you, but you are faster."

Tatsukishi

Be your own Easter Bunny.​

Looney Tunes Cartoon GIF Giphy

You could hide your own Easter eggs.

Bdiz78

The great Harvey Korman had some Alzheimer's @ 2005, and he still went on a talk show. They asked him how he was doing and he said he was OK. "Now I can hide my own Easter eggs." RIP.

Gas-Blaster

That’s cold.​

“At this point, you can only impress me."

Roman_Suicide_Note

This reminds me of something I saw in a show recently. One character said "Would you think less of me if ____." The other character said "I could never think less of you."

Catty_wampus

​I lol’d.

I think I saw this one here previously "You aren't the biggest idiot in the world but you better hope they don't die".

Soalindie

Once told this to my brother, his immediate response was "hey, please don't die".

Srakrn

It takes a very intelligent person to properly call out a dumb person. Weird how that works, huh?​

When the bears are smarter than the tourists.​

GIF by Smokey Bear Giphy

Now I know what Douglas Adams was talking about.

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."

BerenTheBold

As the park rangers in Yellowstone say- making a bear-proof trash can is very difficult due to the considerable overlap between the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists.

Lahmmom

​That’s a gross mental image.

In Greece we say "when it was raining brains, you had an umbrella".

GSavvage

In German we ask God for help. "God, let there be raining brains" this sounds so weird but idk how to express it better lol.

Edit: In German it's "Gott, lass Hirn regnen".

Foxpawdot

It’s probably a bad sign when your lawyer calls you dumb.

Lawyer to client who shared detailed attorney-client privileged strategy memorandum with a whole bunch of people, including an adverse party:

Client: "Is there anything you can do to fix this?"

Attorney: "No, you've pretty much waived the privilege and now they know everything."

Client: "Is there anyway to put a positive spin on this?"

Attorney: "Well, I suppose the judge might buy that this proves that you lack the mental capacity to form specific intent."

Malibulobo

These next ones are just plain cold, but probably very much deserved.​

Meanness from a Canadian is probably well-earned.

eric cartman GIF by South Park Giphy

On a Canadian jobsite

Ahh Terry, having you around is like losing three good men.

StrykerSeven

Oof, that’s harsh.

He's so far behind he thinks he's first.

Perstn

I had a keychain as a kid that said, "She who laughs last thinks slowest.”

KatieSedai

Those are some gross socks.

Once heard someone say "Well he's about as sharp as a sock full of soup".

Angrypunishment

"Sharp as a marshmallow" was one that went around my friend circle.

Rubywolf27

In the words of the great prophets Smash Mouth, “I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed”. That self-burn is perhaps one of the most classic euphemisms. And I just almost misspelled “euphemism”. So I can definitely relate to that lyric.

A good way to exercise your brain? Keep thinking of creative ways to insult people. Trust me, it works like a charm

Image by 1388843 from Pixabay

It's a plague many of us would rather not admit occurs on a daily basis.

Keep reading... Show less