At least try to be sober on entrance.
I worked in a college bar in Ohio my senior year and on two occasions I had students hand me pieces of paper that said "I am 21" and on one occasion I was handed a Spongebob Squarepants boaters license.
Darwin done proud!
There was a kid in our year who made the local paper, he got arrested for trying to buy beer with his older brothers library card (not even something with a DOB on) and trying to pay with a photocopied £5 note that was twice the size of an actual note.
Saddest thing was, he only got arrested as he was told to get out by the shop manager, he then assumed the police had been called and scaled a local telegraph pole. This led to the police really being called by a concerned passerby, who then received a full confession from the kid.
I can't actually remember the guys name, but everytime I read a 'Darwin awards' nomination list I think of him and people like him.
Boys will be boys.
Used to cashier at a little burger place that also had an ice chest with beer bottles at the front counter.
On a very slow weekday afternoon, a chubby teenage boy who looked around 13-years-old walked in by himself and awkwardly ordered a Coors Light. No food or anything, just a beer. I flatly told him _"I.D. please." _He gave me a blank deer in the headlights stare, robotically patted his chest, waist, and upper leg like he was pretending to search for pockets that weren't even there, and replied _"Oh, I must have left it in my car. I'll be right back."_
So the kid scurried outside, hopped on his bicycle and zoomed off.
Smokers are relentless.
Kind of the reverse, when I was 19 I had a younger cashier tell me my ID was fake. It wasn't.
I was infuriated and she eventually just sold me the cigarettes anyway and said, "Get a better fake ID next time."
I really wanted to go talk to her manager and tell them that not only did she call my valid ID a fake, but she sold me cigarettes thinking it was fake.
Can you count?
Years ago I worked at a gas station, and had quite a few under 18 friends that would constantly bug me to sell them cigarettes. Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't - depended on the day, what other coworkers were there, and my mood.
I got a text one day from a buddy who's 17 asking if he could come in for a pack. My boss was working behind the counter, but doing financials or whatnot, not cashiering. Text him back "Yeah, I have to ask you for an ID, so show me yours and I'll pretend its good, and we'll be set"
So dude comes in, asks for a pack of marb reds, I ask for his id.
In his proudest moment, he slams down an ID. I pick it up to 'scrutinize it' and its his little brother's learning permit. I almost lose it laughing, like, why would you show me someone younger's id you fool?
Selfie obsessions aren't healthy, clearly.
I had a kid who looked to be about 11 come in and want to buy a 6 pack. His ID said he was 33 was stamped with "for novelty use only" all over it. The best part was his picture was a full body selfie of him taped on the front.
Show who you really are.
Bouncer at a bar, we were using the black light on IDs one night (obviously we were shining it all over each other like a bunch of idiots as well). Anyway this little blonde white girl comes up and hands me her Florida ID. The thing with Florida IDs is that they have a small hologram of the persons driver license photo in the bottom right hand corner of the license. So I take the ID from her, shine the black light over the card, check to make sure it's the same girl in the photo who handed me the ID, check for holograms and whatnot, then right before I hand it back I give it another go over with the black light, and instantly burst out laughing. In the bottom right hand corner of the ID, where there is supposed to be a hologram of this little white girl, was a hologram of a HUGE bald black man. I laughed so hard I nearly fell over.
At least use a little effort.
I'm not a bouncer but back when I was 19, me and some roommates wanted to go this this amazing bar down the road having a valentines day party where all the women would be wearing lingerie and pajamas. We all looked like babies and decided that on 1 hour notice, a fake ID would not be an option. So we made our own crude ID's by scanning our drivers licenses onto a computer and going into Microsoft Paint and adding some modifications. My friend had a top hat and Mr. Monopoly Monocle to demonstrate that he was a gentleman tycoon well respected by society. I had a pirate hat and an eye patch to show that I was well accustomed to drinking rum every day. The best part was that my ID was vertical as opposed to horizontal in my state until age of 21, and on the bottom they say "Under 21 until dd/mm/yyyy" We were lazy and desperate and buzzed so I blanked out under and put over so it said "over 21 until dd/mm/yyyy". We printed these monstrosities out, that probably had no more than 120 pixels (they were god awful), and glued them to our real Id's with glue sticks (like a child would think to do). I presented this ID proudly with all the confidence and swagger of a young pirate, with as straight a face as you can imagine, and the bouncer nearly died crying from laughter as this was the most brazen attempt to gain access to the bar he had ever seen. He quickly glanced in either direction and waved us in giving us our "ID's" back.
TL"DR: the bouncer thought I was a pirate with Benjamin Buttons disease.
Sometimes you just have to make it rain!
Few months before my 18th Birthday, I entered a Casino in London with my real ID. I told the bouncers that as it is an Arab ID, the month and the day were reversed (thankfully my friend was also born before the 12th) So yeah couldn't believe how easily that worked. I ended up winning £ 500, great night!
Follow the numbers.
I was once handed a fake ID where the listed date issued was five days after the listed expiration date. It's the only time in 7 1/2 years of restaurant work that I've actually asked somebody if they were serious after handing me an ID.
Where have I seen you before?
One night I was handed an ID while working the front door of a college town. I immediately looked at the ID so I never caught the person's face. Reading the ID I realize this is a girl from my highschool that I know pretty well! Look up to smile and say hi and the face looking back at me is not hers.
Told her this isn't her ID and she responds with "Yes it is." I proceed to tell her that this surely isn't her as if it was then we would have went to high school together.
Kept the ID and ended up mailing it back to my friend who went to school ~80 miles away from where I was. Funny coincidence.
Points for creativity.
I used to work at a cinema. The press were allowed free entry to any movie, as long as they provided a valid journalist pass. It's a small town, so it didn't take long to know the two film critics we had.
There was one chinese lady who would show up every couple of weeks, insisting that she was a reporter for a chinese newspaper and was entitled free entry. However, I couldn't let her in, because she didn't have a journalist pass. She argued for a really long time, but I didn't relent.
She tried it again, every single time she came. Eventually one day she says she has her "journalist pass" with her, proudly reaches into her handbag and produces an ancient piece of green paper that has "Chinese Newspaper" written on it, by hand.
I let her in.
Fake it till you make it!
I worked at a gas station and a young white guy came in to get alcohol. When I carded him, he gave me the ID of an elderly black woman. He just looked at me and kind of smiled and cocked his head like it was in the picture. Naturally, I went ahead and sold it to him. Confidence can go a long way.
Blockbuster video... WOW what a difference.
Local liquor store has a gigantic wall of shame (all confiscated fakes) that goes back to my college days in the 90s. The best one is a picture of an ID glued to a Blockbuster card. And this was from back in the days before digital cameras and high quality printers, so it was a really crappy picture of an ID glued to a Blockbuster card.
It's not always who you know.
Did a stint as a bouncer.
Kid comes up to me and whips out his metro bus pass. He says to me, "It's the new one." I say what you doing nutter he gives be a 2 minute story about how he had a new ID and the state made a new ID that looked like that. All this time I was like, kid that's a bus pass. He then goes on about how if I didn't let him as his mates through his dad would make me lose my job, and how his dad knew the owner of the club. I naturally kicked him out.
How dare you!
Cashier at Whole Foods Santa Cruz about 7 or so years ago.
Had a 16ish looking kid hand me an ID that kind of looked like him, but it said he was 42. I started laughing, told him I couldn't sell the booze to him.
He replied to the tune of "I am appalled, I can't believe this is happening."
I gave him the ID back, and he walked right out.
Kid had balls.
Money doesn't always talk loud enough!
One time a guy just straight up told me he was 18 and tried to slip me $20. Honestly i would have done it, but my manager was right beside me
Use spellcheck people!
Years ago, I worked as a bank teller. The worst fake ID I saw was from a non-customer trying to cash an on-us check (a check whose account was at our bank) and she presented me with a PA "driver's license" where her home address was listed as being in "Filadelfia, PA" and the hologram was of the Earth, not the state of Pennsylvania. It should also be noted that the bank I worked at was all of 30 minutes outside of Philadelphia, so it's not like we would be unfamiliar with the spelling of the city. The police were promptly called.
My how you've grown!
It wasn't fake, but expired. A guy tried to hand me a passport with with a baby photo in it. I'm like "bro, this could be any person of your ethnicity and I wouldn't have a clue" He was still confused as to why I wouldn't let him in.
Sometimes it's a family affair.
Not a bad fake but once I saw a teenage girl hand her mom some cash and wine coolers, so I explained to the mom that I had to check the daughter's ID. When I refused the sale because she was underage the mom yelled "What?!", snatched the girl's ID from me, and tried to insist that her child's piece of government ID listed the wrong birth year.
