I have always wondered what it must be like to be a driver. You hear all the good gossip. That's why when I'm in a cab or an Uber I talk quietly, just in case. You know someone is always listening. So beware when you are spilling your tea. You know working "behind the wheel" is a fascinating place.
Redditor u/Cicallis wanted to get the scolding hot tea from drivers out there by asking... Chauffeurs who drive around rich people, what are some of the weird/shocking conversations you have overheard?When I do an an Uber share I am always amazed by what people are willing to let people overhear. Like, do you not know you're still in public when in a car with strangers? I keep it jovial and not personal. Let's see what else our driver's witness...
Oh Billy...
billy bob thornton christmas movies GIFGiphyBilly Bob Thornton was doing radio press for a movie about to come out, meaning he had to stop by 6-7 radio stations for interviews.
He wanted to have a cigarette in the vehicle on the way to the next interview but I had to let him know our company has a no smoking policy in our vehicles.
He asked me to call the owner to make an exception but the owner said no and its a $250 cleaning fee if he smoked in the vehicle.
He asked to stop by a bank, Came out and handed me $5,000 cash and said "here's for the whole Goddam pack."
He smoked in the car the rest of the trip. Later I got up the nerve to ask him if that's the most expensive pack of cigarettes he's ever smoked? All he said was "not even close" (never explained it further)
I think about him often...
In the 80's!
Picked up a wedding party: bride, bridesmaid, and bride's boyfriend who was paying for the wedding. They had a magnum of champagne and we drove around for quite some doing drugs in the back. They were using rolled up $50s and $20s, then tossing them to me in the front seat as tip money.
I dutifully brushed off each bill and added them to my wallet, pretending not to know what was going on.
The "couple" argued off and on about showing up to the wedding, apparently she felt weird about getting married and he was trying to convince her it was a good idea.
Finally dropped them off at the church and he slipped me a matchbook with his name and number written on it.
Yeah, it was the late 80s and I was a young woman, one of the only female limo drivers at the time in that city. Scored a sweet leather jacket with the tips from that night.
So many weird stories.
Reddit Users Share Their Best 'It's A Small World After All' Experience
The Caddy
When we were in high school, my friend used to caddy at a local country club. One guy really liked him and asked if he would be willing to drive him around while he went out partying (this was like 2003 and in a pretty rural area), my friend agreed.
He picked the guy up at like 8pm. Right off the bat, the guy handed him $200. He went to a bar for a little bit, my friend sat in the car.
The guy came out, handed him another $200 and told him he had to visit his "friend" real quick. He went and got a bunch of drugs.
They went to another bar, he handed my friend another hundred dollars and told him to look out the window and turn up the radio.
He came out a couple hours later with a girl (he was married with kids). He handed my friend another $200 and they went back to her house. After they screwed around, he came out and asked to be taken to the beach.
At this point it was like 2-3am. My friend said that the guy slowly walked around the beach, went into the water up to his ankles (in his shoes), threw a bunch of rocks into the water and then sat in the sand for about 45 minutes.
He came back to the car and asked to be driven home. When they got out of the car he hugged my friend and gave him $500 and asked him to never tell anyone what happened.
Have you seen Marie Osmond?
Friend of mine worked for an upscale concierge chauffeur service. His most memorable moment came when he lost Marie Osmond. Fairly simple gig, go to airport and pick up Marie Osmond, who was to be the featured entertainer at a private event.
Plane comes in, he meets her, she has carryon bag but her checked suitcase, containing her stage dresses and makeup, is missing.
She is unflappable, though... asks to be taken to the nearest upscale mall. He does as instructed, she goes into a large upscale department store, selects two long sequined cocktail dresses and goes to the fitting room to try them on (without him, of course).
Unfortunately, there are two entrances and exits to the fitting room, and Marie Osmond exits out through the other side and cannot find my chauffeur buddy, who is waiting patiently on the side she'd entered... 20 minutes passes. He thinks something has gone wrong, so he grabs a female manager and asks her to go into the fitting rooms and ask for Marie Osmond. The manager thinks she is being pranked and declines.
Chauffeur buddy is in mini-panic mode now, running wildly around the store asking random customers "Have you seen Marie Osmond? Have you seen Marie Osmond?" Store security is summoned and he is asked to leave the premises right NOW, He calls his employer and tells them he has lost Marie Osmond. The employer doesn't have her cell phone number but has her agent's number and he is not accepting calls.
She has in the meantime taken a cab to the gig, thinking she has been forgotten. Lots of apologies eventually ensued and there were no repercussions.
The Big Guy
Big Guy Gym GIF by StickerGiantGiphyI used to know a Chauffeur, he ended up driving around some big stars. He was big dude, like 6'8" and super muscular.
His best story was when he was driving around a few WWE (WWF back then) stars, and they awkwardly asked him to not get out and open the door for them because he'd make them look smaller.
Lord... that is a handful of mess. People need to get it together. And I knew Marie Osmond would always be a problem. LOL. Who else has some tales?
Happy Endings...
Buddy of mine ended up picking up a Netflix producer while doing Uber. He said they had a great conversation as he brought him to his hotel. The producer invited him up for a drink and since my friend was a film student he thought it'd be a good idea to go and try to get some good networking in. They hung out for about an hour when he asked my friend if he knew of any massage places with "happy endings".
He didn't but the guy paid him $500 to bring him to the closest massage place which was only a few miles out. Upon dropping him off he gave my buddy a card and said "there's a big party/festival I'm hosting. That's your ticket in. I'll let you know then if I get that happy ending haha!"
In the Car
I've have multiple people pay me handsomely to let them smoke. Heard a French guy yelling at his wife that $10,000 was too much to pay for 2 bracelets that she bought. Also over heard a lot business deals with absurd amount of money referenced. Like 10's of millions.
OH MY
Say Word Lol GIF by Desus & MeroGiphyHe thought I couldn't speak French, heard him telling his wife on the telephone where she should order a strapon.
Get a Benz
Not a chauffeur but this happened because of a lack of one. Basically, a guy I used to know back when we were teenagers (17yrs old) had a lot of money. We just never knew how much until I was invited to go on holiday with him and some other friends, all expenses paid of course.
Anyway, we took a taxi to an area where this guy wanted to buy an apartment and wanted to show us so we went with him and ended up spending the whole day walking around the area. We got tired and eventually wanted to go back to the house but we were so far away that walking was not an option unless we wanted to walk for about 3 hours.
Neither of us had enough cash to pay for a taxi, and back then taxis didn't accept cards (this was around 2000 or 2001 btw) so this guy rings his dad and asks if he could send a chauffeur to pick us up, but the chauffeur turns out was busy doing some deliveries for the dad, so instead the dad says "there's a Mercedes Benz dealer shop near were you are, I know the manager there as I've bought several cars from them, just go there and buy a car with the credit card.
You can leave it in the house and we'll figure out how to bring it home later." So we went to this dealer shop and somehow in about 30 min the manager did all the paperwork and we ended up driving back to the house in a brand new Mercedes C class, which we used for the rest of the holiday.
In Fur
My sister was in a limo once and asked the driver about his most interesting ride. The driver said that he picked up some models who were going to a PETA demonstration, "I'd rather be bare than in fur" or whatever it was. He got to the location, they stripped naked in the back of limo, and he waited until they were done with the photo op.
The Story of John
Not a chauffeur, but seemed like a good chance to remind people of the story of John Boehner (At the time, Speaker of the US House of Representatives, 3rd in line for the US Presidency) not knowing how to use Uber.
As the story goes, one of his aides downloaded the app onto his phone and showed him how to use it. Unknown to him, he'd been stuck on the carpooling option, uber-pool.
That's what he used for years. There are all sorts of tales of commuters hopping into their carpool and bam, there's John Boehner stuck in a middle seat asking to get dropped off at the Capitol Building.
However you feel about his politics, I think that's pretty funny.
Elmo
I had a college friend whose parents were friends of Elmo Zumwalt, who told them a story about himself. Shortly after he was appointed Chief of Naval Operations, he went out for a jog on a foggy morning when he was new to the DC area, got lost, and had to hail a cab to get a ride home. The cab driver was friendly and struck up a conversation that went something like this—
Driver: So you got lost, what do you do for a living?
Zumwalt: I'm in the Navy.
Driver: I was in the Navy too! What do you do in the Navy?
Zumwalt: I . . . er . . . run it.
Driver: [shakes head].
Where to Begin?
One of my best friends used to drive Uber in a wealthy area of LA. He told me so many stories about drunk celebs and tiktokers in his car.
Some highlights:
- Quentin Tarantino and Trisha Paytas were making out in his back seat when they were secretly dating lol
- Mike Tyson is apparently very nice in person and also a giant pothead
- Somebody on Gossip Girl and her friend were arguing about chicken nuggets and tried to get him to go through a Wendy's drive through during the lunch rush when there were 10 cars already in line
- Addison Rae or one of her friends took their shoes off and left them in the car
- Leo dicaprio took more than 5 minutes to find the car. He seemed out of it and was quietly bobbing his head listening to music on his headphones b**chyfuxkjngbltch34
"Ohhh right"
Wasn't exactly a chauffeur but I did have the distinguished privilege of working with a multimillionaire one time for a couple days and I was just astounded at how out of touch he was with people.
One conversation he was talking about how he hated all the new homes they were building and he liked old castles so he was having a castle in Scotland disassembled and reassembled here in the US piece by piece.
On another occasion he asked me why I wasn't in college yet (the job was after high school and I was working as a plumber) and gave me an "Ohhh right" when I told him I couldn't afford to go yet and had to save up.
A Tip
happy drag race GIF by Robert E BlackmonGiphyA small part of my family was Chicago Mafia.
Grandpa told me a story of a family wedding in Chicago they went to in the late 60's.
In the van
About 25 years ago I had a summer job at a very tony country club. Six figure joining fee, five figure continuing membership dues, and that got you nothing but the privilege of paying top dollar for rounds, food, etc.
I was a porter some of the time, as we had cottages on club grounds for members to stay and make a weekend of it. One of my duties was driving members to and from airports - usually private airports for private jets.
One time I'm driving two guys to the airport, and one of them starts complaining.
Seems he and his wife are always fighting over who gets the jet every weekend, and where they want to go.
Well, the other one replied, my third jet is actually just gathering dust right now, since my son went to college. Wanna take it off my hands?
They shook on it right there in the van.
Flying Drivers
Not a chauffeur but worked as a caterer for private jets and the insane folks who owned them. Had a huge order from what I knew to be a smaller jet so I really wondered about it. When one of the owner's handlers was training a new flight crew, he ordered $12k of meals for a flight that didn't exist just so the new flight attendants could practice the fine points of checking in a catering order.
I listened outside after the food drop as the handler started explaining what to do to six of the most beautiful humans I have ever seen. We provided food for a lesson! The food was wasted. I found it in the dumpster outside one of the hangars the next day.
Front Seat
oscars 2017 laughing GIF by The Academy AwardsGiphyI'll answer for my grandparents.
They owned a limousine business, I believe in the early 2000s, and my grandmother drove Mel Gibson around. She said he was nice and that he had requested to sit in the front passenger seat due to car sickness.
I'm torn... I feel like I want to be a driver just for the writing material but I also fear for my life. How to weigh the options. The crazy is all comedy gold. I do know that for my next taxi ride... I'm gonna be mute.
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And while everyone is entitled to the certain aesthetics that turn them on, there are some beauty standards that some people generally can't get on board with.
Curious to explore what those might entail, One Redditor asked:
"What don't you find attractive that society says you should?"
If it makes them confident about their appearances, people should have the right to enhance their look in any fashion.
But some observers prefer the look of natural, physical blessings you're born with.
Luscious Lips
"Based on what I've seen in Miami... lip injections...apparently."
"Looks horrendous... and yes, we can tell."
– ImBecomingMyFather
A Specific Sensation
"I don’t like the look or feel of injected lips…I just recently kissed a girl with them and it felt like I was kissing jello 😑"
– TallestSiren
Being Full Of It
"Lip and cheek fillers. Please stop making us think we need these things, especially really young people who's thin lips suit their face perfectly."
– AngelicWooGirl
Fabulous Gnashers
"Super white, super fake veneers teeth."
– machoseatingnachos
These examples don't involve procedures. But they do elicit "tsk tsk" responses.
"Brand culture. People spend way too much in the name of brands."
– Naik0n_
Voluntary Marketing
"Fashion items with the designer logo THIS BIG all over it. Cringe."
– wiredandtired1980
Body Baking
"Artificial tanning."
– little_thing28
Find Your Boundary
"As someone who works at a tanning salon, yes. It’s very easy for people to over do it. That’s why I normally don’t recommend anything with a high intensity bronzer. We wanna make you look sun kissed, not sun f'ked."
– Catbuds123
Let's take a look at behaviors that are considered turn-off.
Wild Fandom
"The obsession of famous people. Sure I enjoy art and athleticism in most forms but to be obsessed over someone who isn't even physically in your life is wild to me."
– 99bonanas
Pompous Punks
"A cocky attitude, I'd rather a genuine person who's awkward any day. At least you know they're trying to communicate rather than show off."
– TheTastySpoonicorn
Practically Begging For "Likes"
"The whole instagram thing in general. I do care about looks with a partner, but I care about every day looks, not making hair and makeup a personality replacement."
– gsfgf
Going For That Artificial Look
"Phone camera apps use so much processing AND THEN ON TOP OF THAT there's instagram filters and stuff like that. It makes everyone look weird and unnatural."
"I remember having to dig deep into the settings on my samsung phone to disable that crap because the selfies looked weird."
– Kyanche
The thing is, no one should be able to dictate to people what is or isn't "attractive."
If it makes you feel sexy, get those body enhancements and wear those designer logos proudly.
Those aesthetics may not appeal to everyone, but you doing you will get you noticed by someone who appreciates your confidence.
I have met too many evil people in my days.
See! ALWAYS BRUSH!!
steve martin laughing GIFGiphy"My 3 cousins went to a dentist that they found really unsettling but couldn’t pinpoint why."
"Fast forward a while, my older cousin of the three was working as an ER receptionist a few years back when a patient was rushed in very close to death after a dental appointment. My cousin found out quickly he’d come in from their old dentist for a standard tooth removal, i think 2 teeth, that should’ve taken 30 mins."
"He was in the back for TWO HOURS with his wife constantly checking in before she demanded to go back and found the dentist had completely snapped and removed ALL OF HIS TEETH and he was very near death after being under way longer than he should have. Still scares me to this day."
velvetsatan
Daddy Issues
"Not sure about the most but my father is definitely up there spent my childhood with me my mother and older brother being beaten. Then when my brother got older and he was too big for my father to hit he started putting my brother down making him feel worthless which led to him leaving at age sixteen."
"Then my mother and I started getting the brunt of his moods and there was nothing I could do about it because he was bigger than me. But then one day when I was seventeen I realised that I was now bigger than him. I didn't hit him but being able to finally shove him away from my mother made me feel like a horrible darkness had subsided."
John_Volker88
Good for You
"My mum had an awful ex boyfriend after she divorced my dad. He used to hit her and once he came round our house where we (me and my four brothers and sisters - all very little at the time) lived and threw a brick through our window. After she left him, he used to stare out the window at me when I walked to school and shout really gross things at me."
"I’d never done anything to this man ever. One time I was in town after school with my friends, and he saw me and shouted ‘sl*t’ at me. I flipped him the finger and walked off. He called my school and told them I’d given him the finger whilst I was in my uniform. I got called into the heads office the next day."
"She was known to be very strict and formidable and really scary. I told her what happened and how he was constantly harassing me and this stern, super posh old lady said ‘good for you, If he comes near you again let me know and we’ll call the police together’. I was stunned because I was terrified of her."
Embarrassed_Put_7892
Leave me Alone...
"My sister's recent ex-boyfriend is a huge narcissist and after stabbing himself in the leg as a manipulation tactic, my sister left him and filed a restraining order. Somehow he managed to steal ALL of my sisters stuff including our deceased Grandpa's sweatshirt that got given to my sister and took her dogs ashes as well. He managed to do all this avoiding even going to her house because he paid somebody else to (showed up on the ring camera)."
"He did this to avoid any evidence. He keeps texting and calling my sister in hopes to have her talk to him which would then void the restraining order. He got in with somebody at her work and had him tell her that 'He's closer than you think.' All of this has made my sister genuinely fear for her life so she moved back in with our parents."
sk8t-4-life22
Die Slowly
"My ex-step father. Put my family through hell. Abusive in every manner. A total piece of sh*t. He managed to flee the country before he was arrested. To this day he is the only person I've ever met where I truly hope he dies a slow agonizing painful death. And that's all I'm going to say about it."
Xyrus2000
We are truly living amongst demons. Good Lord.
The Leader
"One of our regular customers at the grocery store where I used to work. Really cold guy. Never smiled. You'd try to engage in small talk with him at the checkout and you'd get nothing back. It turned out later he'd turned his family into a kind of cult."
"He had multiple kids with his own daughters and nieces. When the cops came to his house to take his kids away from him, he barricaded himself inside and killed nine of his kids. Just an absolutely evil man."
JuzoItami
HIM
"Jonathon Bruce. He killed 2 kids with a pitchfork in Merced California back in the early 2000s. I went to high school with his little sister, and shared a room with him at a big church event my freshman year."
"https://nypost.com/2000/08/25/naked-lunatic-murders-2-kids-with-pitchfork/"
pReaL420
Finally he left...
"I spent a long time working with young offenders, I've also spent 4 years working in a children's home. All in I think I've worked with about 10 children who went on to commit murder. Only 2 would I say were truly evil. One lad I worked with in a children's home took a real disliking to me. Was always making threats to kill me. Not that unusual in this line of work and something I would normally shrug off."
"But this lad I believed he meant it. Thankfully he was moved on quite quickly. A few years later this teenage girl went missing, turns out she was his girlfriend at the time. As soon as I heard this I knew he had killed her. Turns out he did some pretty horrific stuff to her before murdering her. I won't go in to detail."
Is_there
Speak Up
"A woman I used to know was complaining that when she went to a child's funeral the mother was crying too much and too loudly and it was 'embarrassing.' Said the mother didn't deserve to cry because she (only loosely connected to the family) was not scheduled to give a speech during the funeral."
georgiebb
The Bill Collector
"Was a bill collector for a department store. Called on an overdue account, well-dressed guy and lovely lady came and paid cash. A few days later I saw his photo in the newspaper. He killed his wife and kids by burning down the house. Woman who came in with to pay the debt was not his wife. Later found out he was a serial killer but was amazed at how cool and attractive he was. Why he paid that bill was a mystery."
QuackedUp99
Well that is all disturbing. Evil never dies.
These workers and the world already has enough trouble without my stupid.
"So... was she impressed?"
Idiot Reaction GIFGiphy"Kid driving his new truck down a residential street, wet from a recent rain, lost control and hit a parked car, overcorrected and rolled it once back onto its wheels up onto a lawn. He told the fire chief he had gunned it to impress his girlfriend and the chief just looked at him and asked 'So... was she impressed?'"
AntiMacro
Ricky
"I had a client once who was basically Ricky from Trailer Park Boys, loud, obnoxious, hilarious and every second word was some Maritime slang or a derivative of 'f**k.' He has been on daily eye drops for decades for dry eyes, sure ok cool. I hear screaming down the hall and run in and he's wedged against the wall and the bed just screaming 'I f**ked up boys, I dunno what the f**k is f**king happening but It's f**ked."
"Turns out he mistakenly put Jublia which is an antifungal ointment for toenails in his eye thinking it was his eye drops. The strangest part was the bottle has this miniature sponge at the end so you soak the sponge then paint it on like a gel...he painted this antifungal ointment onto his eye which immediately went red and angry then proceeded to do the other one."
"So he's at the eyewash station and I'm talking to poison control and they are pretty stunned because they have zero data on what happens to a human eyeball when it's painted in antifungal. I can hear the staff at the other end kind of snickering under her breath and she asks can you compare and contrast the eyes? Well... he put it in both eyes. The line goes silent because I can tell she is howling. Guy was totally fine but it was a standout for sure."
krzysztoflee
Will they show?
"Responded to a call of two minors being kidnapped and their parents being beaten in front of them and then taken someplace else. One was around three years and the other one was six. They were held captive in an apartment out of hundreds of residential apartments which not easy to locate, upon reaching there we found out that the boy six was just playin' with us to see if we would actually respond. Their parents were so embarrassed by all of that and vowed to not give them mobile until they are adults."
erectilereptilelol
Bowled Over
"When I was an EMT in NYC years ago we had a call for a man 'unresponsive.' We entered an upscale apartment that was a hoard: floor to ceiling newspapers and magazines, just a mess. The woman who called said her brother was in his bedroom sick."
"We entered his room and it was pretty obvious that he had already passed away. She had placed a bowl under his mouth because he had hemorrhaged which had coagulated the day before it was crazy. We asked her why she hadn’t called sooner and she said thought he’d get better?!"
"The joke around the house was 'if you have to put a bowl under a relative who is bleeding from the mouth, call 911. Don’t wait.' Never thought we’d have to advise anyone to do that. But there ya go. Also, it was Thanksgiving. Didn’t eat any cranberry sauce that year."
Sufficient-Swim-9843
God Only Knows
Married At First Sight Lol GIF by LifetimeGiphy"Had a guy call because he had the cure to Covid and needed a ride to the local education hospital so he could share it. Dude was so high on meth He ended up having 4 or 5 binders worth of scientific looking notes. God only knows what was actually in them."
Flame5135
Wow, people really need to get a grip. Of their minds.
"Sparky"
on fire GIFGiphy"One of my old bosses once built a new shed in his back yard, to replace his old, worn-out one. He moved everything from the old one to the new one, then decided that the best way to remove the old one was by burning it down. He ended up with no sheds and the nickname 'Sparky.'"
Wadsworth_McStumpy
Dead in the living room...
"Paramedic here. We responded to this 54 year old having chest pain. Man was having a heart attack. Dude didn't want to go to the hospital because it too early in the day. That's it. We tried to convince him to go. Got the ER doc to talk to him and he wouldn't budge. He signed a Refusal. Later that same night, his family found him. Dead in the living room. We got to him and started CPR, meds, everything. Dude didn't make it. When we advise you to go to the hospital, go."
Chaprito
Bad Ideas
"Got called to a shooting. A guy says he received a text message from an anonymous number saying his brother has been shot. He checks all the hospitals with no luck. He goes to his brother's apartment but gets no response at his door but sees his car and can hear the TV on. We get there, attempt to get an answer at the door."
"Eventually we kick the door in to make sure he wasn't dying in his apartment. We boot the door, announce police, and find him asleep in his bed. The guy tells us that he got a new phone number and decided to mess with his brother by texting him he had been shot. He then fell asleep and forgot about the text and was woken up by us. So many wasted resources on his idiotic prank."
TheDOC816
The Swimmer
"Got called to a priority job. The caller was kayaking in a lake and said that there was an unresponsive male in the water. So off we went, lights and sirens. We requested paramedics and fire to attend as well for the rescue operation. There were about 6 emergency vehicles attending including a rescue boat. We got there within minutes and met the caller who showed us where the guy was."
"He was just swimming, minding his own business. The caller said he was unresponsive, but really he was just ignoring her. Had a chat with the guy, he seemed alright, said he swims here every day and likes the quiet. No issues. Would have been nice if the caller told the operator that he was still conscious and swimming rather than 'unresponsive.'"
amazingbecauseitis
Chew Slowly
Snl GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy"Well, I was taking a lady home from dialysis and she decided to eat a snickers in the back of the ambulance, and she started choking. Had to do the heimlich, and tell her to finish her food at home."
HotSoupInYourA**
If it's not a true emergency dial 311. Please.