Cashiers Confess How They Deal With Extremely Wasted Customers

Knowable

The only thing worse than dealing with customers is dealing with inebriated customers.

Customer service is already difficult enough when your customer isn't drunk or high.  So what happens when they are?

Reddit user radsadmadz started the conversation by saying:

Confession: Every time someone comes into the sandwich shop I work at looking a little stoney, I always throw some extra bacon on their sandwich just 'cause.

Some others weighed in as well:

Yeah Man, A Cup

I used to work at a bagel bakery that serves sandwiches and soup and stuff (there's like two chains, pick your favorite). A guy came in on 4/20 as high as I've ever seen a person, ordered his food, and walked over to me at the register. Asks for "like, a can of soda, or whatever?"
I say "Sorry man, we only have fountain beverages, but I can get you one of those, if that's cool?"
His eyes open wide and he breaks out into a huge smile "You mean, like in a cup?!"
Never before or since seen somebody get so excited about getting some pop. My man got a large on the house. cbrookman

GIPHY

Keepin' It Heavy

Back in the hard times of being a Five Guys manager, I'd often add a second patty to a burger when I could smell the loud over the cajun fries. SilverBraids

Reverse!

Story time.

A month or two ago I went into the subway located on my university's campus for some munch time. The guy working there almost immediately could tell I was baked and was greeting me with such a relaxed way about him. It was almost like he was saying "Welcome to Subway, I too enjoy the trees." He asked me if he can surprise me with a sub before I even tell him what I want. I figure what the hell, I'm going to enjoy anything food right now so yeah, let's go for it. This guy ends up hooking me up with a bacon ranch club that has so much extra stuff on it that it should've probably cost around 9-10 bucks. Extra bacon, three different cheeses, extra meat, this guy was fantastic. At the end he leans in and tells me to not mention the extra items when checking out at the register. When I got home the sub was absolutely fantastic, and not just because I had the munchies. My night was made by this fellow ent and I am glad that I have had the opportunity to share it with you folks here. Jujubear1724

Giggles

This trio comes in one time with the giggles. Asked em how they were doing and when they said good I said "yeah I thought so". They order a crap load of food but only one app. So being understanding I fired an oversized pile of chili cheese fries as fast as I could. Sent it out and watch the skinniest f***er at the table woof them done in a few minutes.

I assumed it was for them to share so I gave them extra -___- VictoryCupcake

GIPHY

Xanny Manny

This is totally different but a young man who seemed to have eaten a bit too much xanax came into my work. He asked to exchange coins for dollars and it was clear he didn't have much. I work at a donut shop and we were throwing them all out, so I gave a man blacked out on xanax a trash bag full of donuts and a Pepsi. He looks at me eyes bright and smiling and struggles to let out "in Mother Nature mothers feed their kids. You're my mom now" and just walks out. Never seen him again. Nice meeting you Xanny Manny get better. Jonreremy69

We're All In This Together

Heh. I worked in a stoner town (ski town in CO) at AT&T and people would come in blazed AF. More than I couple times I'd have to settle then down by letting them know we were all stoners that just worked a corporate job and everything was cool.

We usually wouldn't try to up sell them because karma. stumblinghunter

GIPHY

Pizza Party

I'm the General Manager of a local pizza joint. I always give a little extra to my fellow ents as long as they aren't being stupid :) I usually let them know "hey guys. Hope you all are having a fun time. I gave you all a little extra love in this pizza. Be careful driving!" in a non creepy way haha. tripplenippleguy

Special Delivery

A long time ago I used to work in a Deli.

One day we had two ENT bros come in who were way beyond obvious high, almost to the point they shouldn't have been in public.

Anyway they walk around the store a bit, then come to the Deli counter and stare at the menu (which has roughly 10 items total, 15 if you counts drinks and sides.) like they are contemplating the origin of life as we know it. A minute or two passes of them staring at the sign in complete silence and one of them looks at me and says "Is there anything with a lot of meat?".

At the time we only made a few sandwiches, one of which had 3 types of meat and 2 cheeses. I proceeded to tell the ENT's about the sandwich and they agreed that both of them would be ordering this sandwich. At the time I was probably 23, and an ENT myself so I knew this was my chance to hook some fellows up and I went to town making their sandwiches, Instead of the standard 3 meats and 2 cheeses, i proceeded to make them a 1.3Lbs worth of 5 meats, and 4 cheeses with all the toppings they wanted. We ended up calling the sandwich the "ripped kid special" as a special order item which was just a 2 dollar up-charge (slight loss to the deli) on the standard sandwich, just you had to know how to order it.

I'll never forget the look on their faces as they sat and attempted to eat the entire meals in the deli. I'm not sure they made it home before the coma set in. Xophishox

Another Day

I went to my job's holiday dinner last week at a really nice restaurant. I had to go to an ugly Christmas sweater party right after. So I leave the spot with my pre-rolled J and smoke it while walking towards the train. I figure I should get a nice bottle of water for the hour long train ride. I walk into a deli, put a water bottle on the counter and then realize...I have no cash on me! So I'm like 'f*ck! I'll be right back' thinking I'm about to have to go to the ATM and get hit with $5 worth of charges. The dude behind the counter was like "take it. you'll pay me back another time." I don't live in that city and I'll never see that guy again, but man he was an angel that day. Thank you store clerk guy! And thank you OP for lookin' out for us! chromebook1

GIPHY

Shh Don't Tell

One time my friend and I were blazing and we went to a pizza place down the street and ordered a medium pepperoni. A while later the guy said our pizza was done, but I saw that it was a large with pepperoni and sausage. I said "That's not our pizza." He was like "You didn't order this?" and then when I confirmed that we had ordered (and paid for) a medium pepperoni, he was like "Hey, just take this one." On the way back we realized that he probably knew we were stoned and wanted to give us a treat. McFagle

Kicked Out

I once argued with a guy I had cut off for ten minutes that he was too drunk to stay. The reason? He had ordered one drink, gulped it down, and then puked everything in his belly up onto my bar. He then immediately forgot he had done this, and demanded to know where his drink was, argued with me that I had tossed it when he wasn't looking, and that he hadn't thrown up. I had to be like: "there is literally puke on the lapel of your coat right now. Look down." He was stunned. jane_austentatious

Noping Down The Aisle

I was a bartender, but this wasn't when I was bartending...it was my wedding.

My wife and I decided that we really wanted to have one hell of a party for our wedding and somehow we thought having a 7 hour open bar was a good idea. Here are just a handful of the results of such a bacchanal:

One guy passed out underneath the urinals, One lady passed out in a stall, One guy vomited on his pregnant wife's shoes in the reception hall, Another guy passed out at his table and vomited right in the middle of the reception hall.

It got so bad that my best man went on the DJ's mike and said "People, the bus to the hotel isn't coming back for another 3 hours. Take it easy...and then an hour later his pants were off and he was dancing with my mom in his underwear.

Aftermath story: In the morning, I receive a call from the front desk. The nice fellow asked if I was the bridegroom and wished me many years of happy marriage. He then proceeds to say that the hotel understands that people drink and messes can be made, but this particular room was beyond the pale and asked if he could charge that room a special cleaning fee because he thought there was blood in the room. I said, "If it's that bad, you do whatever you need to do".

My wife asks what the call was about and I tell her. Being of an inquisitive nature she asks, "How bad can it be?" So, she decides to check it out. As soon as she gets off the elevator this odor smacks her in the face. She goes down this long hallway to my friend's room and she is horrified. There is sh*t (yes, feces) everywhere. There was a sea of sh*t on the floor of the bathroom. It looked like he had explosive sh*ts that had nearly covered the bathroom floor save where a circle around the toilet had been unsuccessfully wiped with the bathroom towels. There was a two inch wave that had flowed over the room separator and covered a good portion of the carpeted area of the room. She also mentioned what looked like a hand smear of sh*t on the blanket on the bed like a sh*t murderer had happened. It doesn't seem possible that someone could actually sh*t that much, but apparently it is. RegressToTheMean

GIPHY

Near Misses

I had 2 drunks sitting at the bar, completely hammered. They came in together and were obviously acquaintances but got into a heated disagreement. Suddenly one lurches to his feet and, quite nimbly, grabbed his bar stool and swung up back to hit the other one, like an executioner with a sword. None of us moved because he did it so quick and it looked like it would all be over in an instant but he froze, held his pose for a couple of long seconds, then just toppled over backwards. There was a collective sigh of relief from everyone but the victim who was also passed out face down on the bar. defenestrat0r

Am I Interrupting?

Had two regulars that would come in for Bears games like clockwork. Never missed a game in the two years I worked there. Nice guys married with kids and working as house painters. One looked like Michael Chiklis the other looked like Ned from Groundhog's day. One day they get fall down sloppy and start causing a ruckus. I tell them that they have to clear out and they stumble to the sidewalk. Five minutes later everyone in the bar is gathering around the front window. I look out and these two dudes are making out in the middle of Clark Street. Never saw them again. [deleted]

GIPHY

Holland Break

I work as a bartender at a pretty big live and cooking buffet, but we occasionally throw big parties for a nice extra bit of cash for the company (which we dont see any of) Anyhow, we had a pretty big 16+ party that night and I was bartending with a good friend of mine. It was a fun night, 16 year olds falling all over the place because they had 3-4 beers and such, decent music, pretty laid back night of work usually. While the party is at its peak this guy, probably 17 maybe 16 tries to come up to the bar and strike a conversation with me and my friend. The only thing is, hes quite drunk and has quite some trouble keeping upright. After trying to maintain his balance for a minute or two, he reaches for the bar, which is metal and soaked in beer after having shoved hundreds of beers over it. The guy wants to put his elbow on the bar with his face on his palms, he uses pretty much his full weight smacking down on the bar thinking its safe to lean on and the moment he does, his elbow speeds off to the side and he pretty much faceplants the bar. It seemed he nearly broke his face but he acts like nothing really happend, playing it off cool, orders a beer and leaves. 5 minutes later he comes back and asks for a supervisior to check him out because hes not feeling too well. Turns out he broke his nose in 2 places and his left cheekbone, he must've felt it pretty good the next morning. (I'm from Holland btw, hence the reason 16 year olds can drink beer) Mesypher

Tabless

Had a guy walk out without paying his tab one night. The credit card he'd used to open the tab turned out to be bunk, so we couldn't do anything about it. Cut to a few weeks later when he and his buddies came back into the bar for drinks. I told him that he'd left a tab open a few weeks before, and he'd have to settle up before I'd serve him anything. He acted put out, but paid the old tab off in cash gave me another credit card to open a new one. He and his friends then set into get wasted and run up another very large tab. During their shenanigans, he thought it would be hilarious to throw his keys at me in an act of defiance. After I'd dodged the hastily thrown and poorly aimed projectile, I held on to the keys behind the bar. Presumably forgetting what he'd done, he and his friends skipped out on their tab again, and although I had pre-authorized the card when he gave it to me, it wouldn't accept the large tab they had run up. Dumb bastard had to come crawling back into the bar when he realized that we still had his keys, and he proceeded to drunkenly beg us to give them back to him. He had to use two or three different cards to pay off the tab before we would give them back to him, all the while he was yelling at us for being dicks. He was subsequently perma-banned from the bar. Im_a_shepherd

GIPHY

Sweet Potato Lie

I had a drunk customer who could not pay her bill run off and call 911 claiming that I had stabbed her. My weapon of choice you ask? A sweet potato french fry. The reaction of the cop (who showed up to look for a blood trail) when I told him that the restaurant had discontinued sweet potato fries months ago was truly priceless. Rock solid alibi. Ruled_by_Kush

Boo-rrito

Not a bartender but: I was a cashier at an all-night convenience store. This guy walks in, completely plastered, wearing a hoodie with one of those huge front pockets. He goes over to the fridge reeeeeeal suspicious like, and starts no-so-slyly stuffing the pocket with frozen burritos. Meanwhile, I'm watching the whole thing unfold, not even subtly staring at him, but he keeps peaking my way and then looking away and snickering like he's Thomas Crown. Finally, he takes a burrito to the microwave, unwraps, pops it in, starts her up and waits for it to finish. He brings the warmed burrito over to the counter, snickering all the while, and pays for it. I charge him $34.90 for the burrito + the nine other burritos in his pocket. He looks at the register, then back at me, then back to the register, then to me, and says "that'ss an expensive burrito... you're lucky I'm sho hungry". He pays, and leaves.

The thing that makes me laugh the most is the idea that he woke up the next morning with a hoodie full of melted burritos most likely. EyesWideStupid

Blood Rain

I worked at a movie theater where we sold wine and beer. This one lady came in and had apparently pre-gamed too much as well as downing a couple of bottles in the theater. She got the extra bottles from friends because we cut her off a long time before the bottles after she spilled red wine on the floor leaving the counter.

Movie is over and she comes stumbling down the walkway, literally bouncing off the railings and slams a glass of wine into an employees hands, spilling it all over the employee. She then slams herself into the counter and screamed "DO YOU SELL WINE TO GO?!" We told her no and she ran off into the projector room because she 'thought it was the bathroom' and vomited blood red wine everywhere.

Her husband was absolutely mortified, paid for damages from the puke and left.

That was a bad night for a lot of people. Spare3Parts

Chocolate Cake

Oh man, I've got a good one.

I bartend in Chicago, and this last summer the block my bar is on was having a huge street fest. No cars, booze, booths, and corn on the cob everywhere. There were drunks all day.

Cut to late in the night, most of the drunkies have toddled off to bang or barf or whatever most befits them. Our kitchen is closed, and most of the bar is emptying out. One of our cooks went downstairs to change, and came back upstairs with his face completely white, and says "theres somebody passed out in the basement... theres blood and chocolate cake everywhere"

Instantly tell everyone the bars closed and they need to go home, call the cops and ambulance.

Turns out, some drunk goon somehow toddled into our employees only basement, got into one of the freezers and began to go beast mode on a mostly frozen chocolate cake, then bashed his head and bled everywhere then fell asleep. The EMT's made sure he was alright, then wheeled him off in a hannibal lecter style gurney, to keep him upright as he puked all the way out of the restaurant. If the cook hadn't found him, guarantee you he'd be dead.

The follow up to the story? Its a big basement, and one of our servers was storing his vespa down there. When I helped him bring it upstairs, we found chocolate cake all over the handlebars. Drunk bastard tried to RIDE A SCOOTER IN THE BASEMENT. Man I'm glad it needs keys. Waffuly

You May Also Like
Hi friend— subscribe to my mailing list to get inbox updates of news, funnies, and sweepstakes.
—George Takei