Top Stories

Bartenders Reveal The Wildest Things Drunk Patrons Have Ever Admitted To Them

Bartenders Reveal The Wildest Things Drunk Patrons Have Ever Admitted To Them

Bartenders Reveal The Wildest Things Drunk Patrons Have Ever Admitted To Them

[rebelmouse-image 18346455 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

*Bartending is a tough gig. Aside from the physical hardships there is the emotional. Everyone sees you as their best friend, confidante and therapist half the time. Why? Because they hold the keys the liquor! You know we all get a little crazy and a lot truthful once we've had a libation or six. *

Redditor **manaustinreached out to the bartenders of Reddit asking... *Bartenders of reddit, what are some of the things drunk people have told you while completely hammered? *Careful of those inner secrets people. Maybe that last shot isn't a great idea.**

WHAT WAS YOUR NAME AGAIN?

I used to work in a bar across from a large hospital. I had one guy spend a lot of time in the bar while his wife was in the hospital across the street having a difficult childbirth. He told me my martinis were the best and promised to name his child after me. I of course dismissed this as the drunken ramblings of a madman.

Came in a couple weeks later and showed me the birth certificate of his daughter. She had four middle names, one of which was a feminised version of mine.

To this day I'm kicking myself for not asking who the other three were named after. I wonder if any of them were other bartenders...

MAYBE JUST LIVE TOGETHER FIRST.

[rebelmouse-image 18346456 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

One guy told me his girlfriend wanted them to get married. He was asking me if I thought it was a good idea even though this was the first time I'd ever met him. I told him if he's asking a stranger if they think it's a good idea for him to get married then it's probably not a good idea.

ONE, TWO FREDDY'S COMING FOR YOU....

[rebelmouse-image 18346457 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Had a regular get drunk and recount a dream he had once about Freddy Krueger.

Several years later, I'm having a conversation with someone about dreams in that same bar. He just happened to be sitting next to the customer I was chatting with, fairly drunk and idly listening to our conversation so I decided to try it...

"This one time I had a dream that I was being chased down the street by Freddy Krueger, then while he was chasing me he grew really big and would cup his hands over the sun. He would do it really fast and there was this crazy strobe effect."

This was nearly exactly how he had originally told it to me. About halfway into the story I noticed him look up. By the end of it, he was standing, tears in his eyes, scared to death that we had the same Freddy dream, yelling "No way dude! No way! Are you serious? Are you with me right now?"

"Yeah dude, I'm messing with you. You told me that story a few years ago and forgot."

I had him going though.

The story pretty much ends there. We had a good laugh. He let the relief wash over him. I think he might have said "good one" at some point. I might have told him there's no such thing as Freddy at some point.

LET ME GET MY CRYSTAL BALL.

[rebelmouse-image 18345775 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

My dad was drinking at a bar and talking to the owner (who was really drunk) and the owner was telling my dad his plans for the future. Just basic stuff like how he wanted to move to Arizona and open a bar there, etc.

Anyway a few months later my father was in the same bar and there was a psychic there reading fortunes and shit. My dad declined to have his fortune read saying that he didn't want to because he was a psychic himself. So he proceeded to recount all the owners future plans back to him. The owner was shocked and agreed that everything my dad said was true. The psychic gazed deep into my fathers eyes and after a few seconds proclaimed "You have the gift." My dad didn't reveal his method and probably milked it for a few free beers.

I REMEMBER YOU FROM MY PREVIOUS LIFE.

[rebelmouse-image 18346458 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

My favorite was a regular who came up to the bar for a glass of red wine. At this point he was not yet a regular, it was his first time here. I poured the elderly man a nice glass of pinot noir, told him a little about the wine and the history of the building the bar is in (built in 1604!) cause he seemed interested in it. He was.

We chat a little and he is overall a pleasant, but quirky, old man. At one point he looks at me and says _"You must know, I have a gift. I can read people's past. Not their current past, but previous lives. I can't do it with everyone, but I am getting strong signals from your past. Would you like to know yours?" _We're now joined by another regular of mine, a girl I was actually trying to get with at the time, but the saaaadly never happend.

I pour the man another glass, pour myself one too because this is about to get good. He tells me what he sees and feels in my past lives. There is one live he can see very clearly, but it's a bit shocking he says. I tell him to go on. The girl is asking all kind off "in your face" questions, she's being a little annoying honestly. The old man ignores them or answers them if she can and tells me about this previous life I lived. He tells me I was an Irish boy (I have a big red beard, go figure!) and that my family and I feld Ireland during the famine. We got on a boat to new york, my mom died on the boat and I joined a gang in new york. I eventually die in a gang fight with a rival gang. Sounds familiar, right? Well, when the man went to the bathroom I checked and indeed, "Gangs of New York" was on cable the night before.

The man comes back and the girl and I play along. He tells me some more details about the movie, I mean, my previous life. I go along with his until he stops talking about it. Then the girl turns to him and asks "And me? Can you see my previous life?" He looks at her, takes a sip of his wine and says "Yes. Yes, you were a monkey".

CAN I TELL YOU A SECRET...

[rebelmouse-image 18977522 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I once had a military guy, probably about 26 who was a regular at the bar I worked at last year. He would come in alone to chat with my coworker and I and seemed pretty lonely; this bar was in a smaller town with not a great scene or much military presence. Anyway one slow night he comes in right before I am about to close and asks me for a whiskey sour. I make it for him but before I can even give it to him he looks up at me with the saddest face and says "I have something to confess. I take steroids." I was pretty speechless so I said "uh, at least it isn't heroin?" And on the next breath he goes_"I take them up my butt. I've never told anyone that." _And slumps down in his chair. I have no idea if he had a bad sexual encounter or if the weight of his use was just too much to keep private anymore, but I honestly felt bad for the guy. Wonder where he ended up.

EXCUSE ME... I NEED TO MAKE A PHONE CALL. HELLO... 9-1-1...

[rebelmouse-image 18358528 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I have had so many bizarre people walk into the bar I work at. It's a really small place that people enjoy drinking quietly at. Over the years I've had a range of odd topics from a restaurant owner admitting he never sold fresh food to people unless they knew him.

Lots of people end up talking about how they have no one to talk to about their problems so I guess they find comfort telling a stranger who doesn't have an obligation to care.

GENTLEMEN.... TIME'S UP!!!

[rebelmouse-image 18977524 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I have two favorite stories :

The first one is one time while I was working my husband stopped by to visit me and he was flirting big time. The guy next to him who was plastered leaned over and attempted to whisper but ended up shouting "she definitely wants to go home with you but I don't know if you noticed she is wearing a wedding ring, tread lightly" my husband started laughing and said "well she is my wife so I hope she wants to come home with me"

My second favorite story was when this girl came in with this guy, the whole time he was this sleazy a-hole to her constantly putting her down and touching her inappropriately even though she constantly told him to stop. Later he went to the restroom and she admitted this was their first date and she didn't know what to do. She was really scared. Then she went to the bathroom just to get away for awhile. When the guy came back he poured something into her drink thinking no one saw. Right as she was coming back I picked up her drink and dumped it on his head and told the bouncer what happened. I have never seen the bouncer happier than when he literally picked this guy up and threw him out. The girl and I are now best friends.

I'LL TELL YOU WHOSE ABOUT TOGET PUNCHED SIR!

[rebelmouse-image 18977526 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

5'3" Waitress here - a man at least 250 lbs and 6'2" told me he'd punch me in the face if I didn't get him a to-go cup for his Long island iced tea he asked for after I told him it was illegal. So there's that.

DRUNKS ARE FIESTY FOR SURE!

[rebelmouse-image 18977527 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Man so many to choose from here I'll give a few of my favorites. The time this woman was talking to me and started to complain about her boyfriends penis, he was sitting next to her she didn't notice.

The time some drunk guy gave me an I.d. That was obviously fake, I denied him and he said "No it's fake it's fine."

Extra story when I was a cocktail I actually got knocked out by a drunk guy who tried to punch another guy but was so drunk he missed wide right and made contact with me. When I came too he was on the ground by the bouncer and apologizing to me, I felt bad for that guy.

SOMETIMES YOU NEED A CONFESSIONAL NOT A BAR.

[rebelmouse-image 18977528 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Regular, quiet fellow. Usually stayed for one or two pints and then headed out. It was several weeks before he opened up.

He wasn't hammered when he told me, it was really just conversation. Buddy had killed a guy while driving under the influence. He started coming to my bar after he finished his prison sentence.

He seemed pretty damn choked up about it, I always wonder how he's doing. I got out of the business though, lost touch with the regulars.

CRYING IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL.

[rebelmouse-image 18977529 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I'm a bartender/waiter at a restaurant in Puerto Rico. After Hurricane Irma the owner bought a huge power generator so we wouldn't go out of business. We were fine for a few days before we got our butts kicked by Hurricane María. I was able to get back to work 5 days after the María hit and I have never had such an emotional day at work. I worked for 12 hours straight selling bottled water and sodas due to the dry law.

After about maybe the 8th straight hour working the place started to empty due to the curfew. There was military enforcing people to go home before nightfall. I was cleaning up the place when an older gentleman, Vietnam vet and coincidentally a die-hard Steelers fan (just like me) came over for a whiskey sour. At first I told him I couldn't sell it to him because of the dry law and I could get in really big trouble. Turns out he's friends with all the military surrounding the area and he had permission for one drink.

I served him the drink and he just straight up asks me "How are you, man? How's your family?"

That destroyed me. I hadn't seen my parents in days. Had no cell signal so I couldn't call them. I had just moved in with my GF and after the storm she had to stay with her mom because she lived closer to her job. I was incredibly alone and felt hopeless. I just started crying and talking to the guy and eventually calmed down but hooooly crap I needed a good cry.

EVERYBODY NEEDS A FRIEND.

[rebelmouse-image 18346705 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

All of the things that they would tell anyone else, if they had anyone else. Got a lot of mentally ill and downtrodden folk sitting in front of me just to have a chat. Took me a while to realize that I'm the only person a lot of them ever talk to in a week.

WHATEVER... JUST SHOW ME THE $$$$$

[rebelmouse-image 18348484 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I was a paid designated driver and i have a ton of stories.

i used to drive to people to the big city and take them to strip clubs and such way before uber. one one trip this guy is flashing a fistful of hundred dollar bills. we are at the strip club and he's flashing hundreds to the waitresses and tipping singles. i'm the designated driver so basically i get free soda and in a few places wings and such. at the end of the night the guys is supposed to pay me ten bucks, since it's ten bucks a head and there's twelve people in the van. he's like well i'm outta singles here's one of the hundred dollar bills. the next morning he shows up asks me if he gave me one of the hundreds. i look at him and i say you told me not to say anything about last night.

JERRY. JERRY. YOU SHOULD WRITE THIS STUFF DOWN TO KEEP TRACK.

[rebelmouse-image 18348745 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

There's a regular at my job, Jerry, who is also our locksmith. He's a mess. He likes the daytime bartender best but he's known to come in around noon and not leave until midnight or later. He's also prone to lying and forgetting what lies he's told us. We all swap Jerry stories about the ridiculous things he insists are true. Some of my favorites are:

-He's had rabies (but he got better)

-He's got 8 kids

-He's a gay man (it changes from day to day so our best guess is bisexual)

-He impulsively bought 4 horses

-He sold all 4 horses less than a week later

-He saw the play Hamilton in high school

-He had AIDS (but he got better)

-He's installed locks on the White House

I'M NOT GOING TO HIT YOU.

[rebelmouse-image 18977530 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

There was this guy at the bar a few weeks ago, he was lonely and his face was completely hazy. He stayed until closure time without saying a single word beside what drink he wanted. Usually I don't but this time I had lot of pity for the man so I offered him the last round (he was the only client left). When it was time for me to go home he asked really politely if I could knock him down and that he will give me 50€. I started laughing but quick after I realized he was serious so I tried to ask what's up and why do he wants me to do this, told him that no money will make me hit an innoncent man. He didn't answer but he thanks me then moved on. I called the police to describe the guy and let them know my fear that he does something stupid to himself. No news from him or police since so I'm sure everything went good that night thankfully.

YES SIR OFFICER.

[rebelmouse-image 18977531 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Been a bartender for years. Have older ladies trying to pick me up pretty regularly, have dealers slide me 50 dollar bills. Have had people try to fight me because I cut them off or it was last call.

The craziest things is the people I see cheating, or the people that I learn are swingers. I live in a pretty small town so it's weird to see. I've had some bad experiences but I've also had some great ones.

I took social work in college as a stepping stone to get into policing but had kinda given up after not being able to find a job in social work. I was serving some guy at the bar top and suddenly he calls me over and out of nowhere says " you're into policing eh? " I was pretty confused cause I hadn't mentioned it at all and I've never seen this guy. I asked him how he knew he replied _" I've been a cop for 30 years, we know a cop when we see one. " _and this motivated me. I explained my situation and how I couldn't find a job and he gave me a bunch of tips and pointers on how to get into policing and I was just really appreciative.

He was sitting there quiet all night not saying anything till suddenly he bursts into conversation like that. I was pretty confused but he was a great guy.

YOU GOT PROBLEMS DUDE. I KNOW... I'M A DOCTOR.

[rebelmouse-image 18345605 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I had one guy who claimed to have studied sociology/psychology while in the army, started telling me about how much he knew how much about soldier's brains, and made it clear he was actively analyzing me and testing the reactions of my coworkers. It was very uncomfortable, as I'm already aware of how screwed up I am and complexes I have, but hoped it wasn't that obvious. He did tip me though, so he's definitely far from the worst customer I've ever had.

SEE NO EVIL. NO QUESTIONS.

[rebelmouse-image 18977533 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Back in the 90s I bartended in a club called the Zone Cafe in Hong Kong. Massive Triad hangout, tons of fights. Closing time was about 4am- anyway this bloke wouldn't leave, in the end he was hauled out by the bouncers. All the staff sit down and have a couple of beers, then we lock up and walk towards the MTR (underground station)- all along the pavement theres splashes of blood (for a good 30 yards). Found the guys body between two parked cars- he'd been chopped probably 20 odd times. We were told he had slept with the girlfriend of a'big brother' in the 14k Triad. Poor guy.

Our ancient ancestors had their own habits; some were strange and bewildering, others were nearly identical to those we practice today. Looking back through history, one might be surprised to find the daily lives of the ancients weren't so unrecognizable. But then again, there are still plenty of ancient habits that leave us scratching our heads.

1. Ground-Breaking Discovery

Recently, archaeologists working in Italy’s Caverna delle Arene Candide found a heap of rocks. Not exactly headline news, but these rocks had been carried up from a nearby beach and broken in a consistent, uniform fashion, and similar-sized pieces had been taken from each one. It appears that Neolithic Italians broke the rocks as a funerary rite—the rocks themselves may have represented lost loved ones, and breaking them symbolized the person dying.

2. Shake On It

person holding hands of another personPhoto by Sincerely Media on Unsplash

The tradition of greeting another person by shaking hands dates at least as far back as the Ancient Greeks. One column at the Acropolis even shows the Greek goddess of marriage, Hera, shaking hands with the Greek goddess of wisdom, Athena.

3. A Little Pick-Me-Up

Nowadays we have Viagra and Cialis, but Pliny the Elder suggested a bevy of ancient Roman aphrodisiacs that reads more like a witch’s shopping list than a doctor’s prescription. To put the pep back in your step, Pliny suggested the yolks of pigeon eggs, in honey, mixed with hog’s lard, or sparrows eggs, or a lizard drowned in one’s own urine. If that didn't work, you could always wear “the right testicle of a cock.” I’ll pause long enough for you to stop giggling.

4. For The Ladies

brown falcon on treePhoto by Photos By Beks on Unsplash

Got it out of your system? Ok, moving on: For ladies with low libido, Pliny advised ingesting a vulture’s tongue, or wearing a patch of wool soaked in bat’s blood on top of the head. It seems so obvious, doesn't it?

5. Just ’Browsing

Nothing made a Greek woman feel more attractive than having a thick, swarthy unibrow. To the Greeks, the unibrow signaled a combination of beauty and brains. Greek women would go to great lengths to get that perfect forehead mustache, lining their brows with kohl or soot, or even using tree resin to affix fake eyebrows made of goats’ hair to their foreheads.

6. Of Corset Was!

white and brown striped textilePhoto by Jamie Coupaud on Unsplash

You probably associate the fitted corset with those breathless Victorian women who, though they maintained their figure, looked constantly on the verge of fainting, but they weren't the first to wear them. The corset goes all the way back to the Ancient Minoan women of Crete, who wore similar restrictive bodices. The Minoan corsets were likely the first fitted garments ever worn.

7. To Be Taken With A Grain Of Salt

Popular superstition states that, if one should spill some salt, one can counteract the bad luck by throwing a pinch of salt over the shoulder. That practice actually goes all the way back to the ancient Assyrians. The superstition was passed on from them to the Egyptians, and then the Greeks, and the Romans, all the way to today.

8. Stairway To Heaven

an egyptian scene with a man offering a bowl to a womanPhoto by British Library on Unsplash

The same is true of walking under ladders—the Egyptians came up with that one. Because a ladder leaning against a wall formed a triangle, representative of the holy trinity of Egyptian gods, to walk through was considered sacrilegious. Naturally, that superstation lent itself perfectly to the early Christians. I always just thought it was because you're likely to get something dropped on you if you walk under a ladder.

9. As It Nappens

Just like the Spaniards with their customary siesta, the Ancient Greeks would insist on taking a quick mid-day nap throughout the summer. One 5th-century medical text advised that a brief nap around noon kept the body from “drying out.”

10. That Sucks!

In ancient Ireland, one showed submission to tribal kings by sucking their nipples. Bog-bodies (ancient remain found well-preserved by the chemicals in a bogs) have been found with slashed nipples, indicating that they had been driven from the throne.

11. Pour One Out

Even if you're completely out of touch, you’ve probably seen a rapper “pouring one out” in a music video. Feel free to pour one out in memory of Pac or Biggie, but you should know the practice actually began with the Ancient Egyptians, who first spilled their drinks as a tribute to their god of death, Osiris.

12. The Good Book

person's hand holding book pagePhoto by Rod Long on Unsplash

The practice of libations was continued by the Greeks. There is even mention of “pouring one out” in the Old Testament: Genesis 35:14 states “Jacob set up a pillar in the place where he had spoken with him [God], even a pillar of stone. He poured out a drink offering on it and poured oil on it.”

13. Beer For Breakfast

While the pharaohs had no shortage of delicacies to choose from—fruit and honey and wine and cured fish and all manner of roasted beasts—the Egyptian working class had a significantly shorter menu. The typical Egyptian breakfast consisted of bread, beer, and onions.

14. Sand Gets Everywhere

a group of people riding horses in a desertPhoto by Veronika Biró on Unsplash

And sand. Lots of sand. Keeping sand out of their food was a huge problem for Egyptians, and coupled with their rough, fibrous diet and the fact that they had no real culture of dental hygiene, it meant that Egyptians of modest means usually suffered severe dental issues.

15. Chickening Out

Roman navies always kept chickens on board their ships, but they never intended to eat the birds. Rather, the chickens were offered cake. If the chickens pecked the cake, the Romans were sure to have luck in their upcoming battle. One Roman admiral, furious that his chicken wouldn’t peck, shunned superstition by throwing his chicken overboard and declared, “If it won’t eat, it can drink instead!”

27. The Stash

green palm tree during sunsetPhoto by Kym MacKinnon on Unsplash

According to Herodotus, certain tribes to the east liked to throw bushels of marijuana on bonfires and enjoy a nice stone. As with a lot of stuff that Herodotus said, historians took this with a grain of salt, but in 2008 archaeologists discovered the tomb of a 2,700-year-old mummy in the Western Chinese province of Xinjiang.

In addition to the mummy—presumably, a shaman of the Yuehzi people—was nearly 800 grams of marijuana, worth about $8,000 to modern consumers. Also found in the tomb, a stack of Bob Marley records and a poster bearing the phrase “Legalize It.”

17. A Different Period

To cope with severe menstrual symptoms, Roman women used tampons soaked in opium, while Egyptian men were allowed—and even encouraged—to take time off work to care for their menstruating wives or daughters.

18. Don’t Sweat It

gray concrete building during daytimePhoto by Federico Di Dio photography on Unsplash

After a big day at the Colosseum, Roman fight-goers liked to celebrate the trip by buying souvenirs. Gladiator sweat was a favorite, as was lard from the animals who had been killed during the show. The sweat was mixed with olive oil and sold as a perfume. It was also considered a powerful aphrodisiac. I'll pass, thanks.

19. Decisions, Decisions

According to Herodotus, the rule of thumb among the Ancient Persians was if something was decided upon while drunk, all people involved must wait until they’ve sobered up, and decide again. Later writers added that, if something were decided while sober, the Persians would again put the decision under scrutiny by getting drunk and seeing if the idea held up. At least they covered all their bases!

20. Puking Party

girl in grey tank top holding purple flowerPhoto by Дмитрий Хрусталев-Григорьев on Unsplash

As everyone knows, the Romans loved to party, but of course one can only party so much. The idea of any Roman feast was to eat and drink as much as physically possible. When a Roman began to feel too full, or too drunk, it was socially acceptable, and even encouraged, to induce vomiting, thereby making room for more.

It should be said, however, that it's a misconception that they had special rooms called "vomitoria" for this purpose. Vomitoria did exist, but they were special passages in theaters or auditoria designed to efficiently allow many people to exit at once. The name comes from the Latin word vomo, which means "to spew forth."

21. No Pants Allowed

The Greeks and Romans had pants, they just didn’t wear them. The Greeks thought they looked silly, and the Romans considered them “for the barbarians,” since they were customarily worn by Germanic peoples to the north.

22. Spitting Image

man spitting waterPhoto by Asael Peña on Unsplash

It wouldn’t be unusual to see a Roman spit on himself; it was something they did any time they encountered a mentally ill person or someone with epilepsy. Not only were these traits undesirable, they were considered contagious as well. By spitting on himself, a Roman was protecting himself from the spread of a disease—an action that had no basis, even in Roman medicine, but remained a widely held superstition.

23. The Cure-All

For everything that spitting couldn’t cure, the Romans swore by "theriac." The compound, invented by Nero’s personal physician, was made of 64 different ingredients, including opium and viper flesh, and was said to cure everything from poisoning to plague. Theriac remained a common item in apothecaries and pharmaceutical shops well into the 19th century, because if nothing works anyway, you might as well eat some snake parts.

24. Ancient Times

grayscale photo of round analog clockPhoto by Timo C. Dinger on Unsplash

Punctual Romans carried around portable sundials, not unlike our more modern pocket watches. Each sundial came with specific instructions on how to use it based on one’s geographical coordinates and the season. But the Romans didn’t rely on a regular 60 minute hour like we do: rather, they followed the Egyptian example of keeping a 45 minute hour through the summer and a 75 minute hour in the winter. How could that not have confused people?

25. Fast Food

The Romans were a busy, on-the-go people, so it’s not surprising that, just like us moderns, they loved fast food. There were restaurants all over the Rome, many of them with windows that opened onto the street so customers could just order their food and go. I wonder if they had drive-thru windows for chariots?

17. Pompeiians Can’t Cook

brown and white concrete buildingPhoto by Yaopey Yong on Unsplash

There were more than 200 take-out restaurants in Pompeii alone. Taking dinner out was so common that many Pompeiian homes didn’t even have kitchens.

16. Vend Diagram

The Romans even had vending machines. Or at least they had the technology—the only known example, built by Roman-Egyptian inventor Hero of Alexander, was coin-operated and dispensed holy water.

28. Cone Heads

brown concrete statue of manPhoto by Tom Podmore on Unsplash

Long before the spray bottle was invented, the Egyptians developed a unique way to apply perfume. They wore tall cones of resin or ox fat on the top of their heads. The cones would be infused with aromatic oils and myrrh. As the balmy night wore on, the cones melted, leaving the Egyptians coated in fragrant oil. It was considered good hospitality to offer these cones to guests at a party.

29. The Best Part Of Waking Up…

Coffee came from Africa, tea from the far east. Neither seemed to have caught on among the Romans. Given the dearth of caffeinated beverages, the Romans began their mornings with a beverage made of goat feces and vinegar. I'll stick to my bean juice, thanks.

30. Just Do It

File:15-07-05-Schloß-Caputh-RalfR-N3S 1528.jpg - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.org

According to Pliny the Elder (this guy again...), the goat dung and vinegar beverage was especially popular among chariot racers; it was kind of like an ancient version of Gatorade. The emperor Nero personally endorsed the drink, saying that it gave him extra strength.

31. Urine Luck

The Romans used human urine in industries like leather tanning, and some of these companies even paid a “urine tax” for the privilege. But that’s not all: Urine was used by the Romans as a laundry detergent, a fertilizer, and even as a mouthwash. Because, you know, nothing makes your mouth cleaner than...

32. A Brush With The Egyptians

blue and white plastic bottlePhoto by 莎莉 彭 on Unsplash

In this instance, at least, the Egyptians were centuries ahead of the Romans, and even ahead of pre-20th century Westerners. The Egyptians invented the toothbrush, and used it in conjunction with a toothpaste made of gum arabica, soot, and water that actually would have done an OK job.

33. Mint Condition

In fact, one 4th century Egyptian text offers a complete—though different—recipe for toothpaste: one drachma of rock salt, one drachma of iris flowers, 20 grains of pepper, and, of course, two drachmas of mint for kissably fresh breath. Hey, if it's not human urine, I'll take it!

34. Getting Around To It

man and woman statue under blue sky during daytimePhoto by Sergio García on Unsplash

Let’s talk about bad habits for a minute. Here in the modern world, many of us have trouble getting motivated—we tend to put off starting things, even if they’re important or good for us. But don't feel so bad, even our ancient ancestors struggled with procrastination.

Putting off crucial business was so common in Ancient Greece that the Greeks had a word for it: akrasia, “the state of acting against one’s own interest.”

35. So Stupid, It’s Smart

One Greek statesman discovered a trick to help him defeat akrasia: Demosthenes shaved one side of his head (seriously). Funny, but how does it help? Demosthenes reasoned—rightly, perhaps—that he would be less tempted to go outside if he knew people would make fun of his stupid haircut. Rather than risk the mockery and taunts of his fellow Athenians, he stayed home and studied. Something to remember next time you’ve got a big exam coming up.

36. Moldy Medicine

sliced bread on tablePhoto by Helena Yankovska on Unsplash

The Ancient Egyptians applied moldy bread crusts to burns. This practice has also been found in ancient Greek, Chinese, and Serbian cultures. While none of these ancient cultures had any way to know specifically, they did seem to intuit that the microbes and antibodies active in the mold were good for fighting off infections.

37. An Eyebrow Raising Habit

Eyebrows were important to the Ancient Egyptians, as well. The death of a household cat was a serious tragedy—the Egyptians literally worshipped the furry felines—and families would often demonstrate their grief by shaving their eyebrows off.

38. The Cat’s Pyjamas

Free Images : animal, monument, statue, cat, egypt, sculpture ...pxhere.com

Cats were idolized by the Egyptians because of their skill at killing vermin like rats and snakes, and because they also represented fertility. When a cat died, even the cat of a laborer, it was given a noble burial, mummified, and laid to rest surrounded by pots of milk and mummified mice. We should all be so lucky.

39. Pretty Disrespectful

The practice of mummifying cats was so common that, over the course of the 19th century, British industrialists were able to import nineteen tons of mummified kitties for use as fertilizer.

40. Not Monkeying Around

black monkey sitting on rock during daytimePhoto by Benjamin Ong on Unsplash

Cats weren’t the only pets loved by the Egyptians; they were also known to keep monkeys. Big monkeys. Really big monkeys, like baboons, in fact. Baboons don’t live in Egypt—they had to be imported to Egypt specifically—but their popularity led them to develop a wealth of cultural and religious significance to the Egyptian people, and one was considered lucky indeed to have one of the simians in their home.

41. The Hogs Of War

The Greeks and Romans employed an unlikely ally when they went to war: Because their rivals in the east typically employed elephants, the Greeks and Romans enlisted the help of war pigs, whose squeals terrified the giant beasts.

42. The Romans Treated Their Kids Like Garbage

a statue of a person holding a staffPhoto by Clemens van Lay on Unsplash

Roman families did have adoption practices—even Julius Caesar adopted his great-nephew Octavian, later known as Augustus—but it was mostly a way for the wealthy Roman elite to ensure they had an heir. For poorer families, unwanted children were often just left at the dump.

If those unwanted babies didn’t die, they were usually taken to be raised as slaves.

A couple lies in bed with a baby between them
Image by Stephanie Pratt

Where do babies come from?

One of life's greatest mysteries.

Or one of life's most solid truths.

But when we're young, we don't know all of the details.

But that doesn't mean there aren't questions.

Oh, the number of questions and curiosities.

Keep reading...Show less
Crying teenager
Photo by Zhivko Minkov on Unsplash

All judgment aside, we're all meant to do some things and not meant to do other things, and there are simply some people in the world who would make better parents than others.

Those who decide to parent while knowing that they didn't want kids often wind up saying and doing things that do far more harm than good to their children.

Keep reading...Show less

Weddings are supposed to be overwhelmingly happy and fun occasions, but sometimes people get too honest at weddings.

There are certain comments that absolutely shouldn't be made to the happy couple, no matter someone's opinion of the wedding, but when those comments are made, the day can quickly go from a happy time to an awkward one.

Keep reading...Show less