People Who Always Overthink Everything Break Down The Time That Actually Worked In Their Favor
Sometimes what might appear as too much to others is just right for you.
And more often than not those of us who overplan, overthink, and can be perceived as "over the top and too much" end up being vindicated in the end. Even to our own shock.
Planning and plotting and being overprepared is a the scout's motto. It should be a life motto, because another important life truth is... you just never know.
Redditor u/lawofdox18 wanted to hear about the times life has turned out for the best by surprise by asking:
Overthinkers of Reddit, what unlikely scenario actually came true that you were completely prepared for because you are an overthinker?
I always over-shop. Because what if the store suddenly gets set on fire on the day I need toilet paper. When I gotta go, I gotta go. I can't run an extra block when I gotta go, and all because buying in bulk seems strange to others. Take a guess who was already toilet paper stocked pre-pandemic.
Needle & Thread
"I always carry a small sewing kit whenever I go to a wedding. I have sewed two brides into their dresses so far!"
Middle School Days
"All the teachers at the Middle School I taught at knew I was a pack rat and one day a kid split his pants and the school counselor came to me and said 'Mr. Thehogdog, would you happen to have a pair of sweats or gym pants in your truck'. YEP. So the the kid spent the rest of the day in a pair of nylon pants I had behind my seat."
"He is lucky because if he didn't fit he would have spent the rest of the day in a white disposable 'coverall' I had in case I had car trouble in nice clothes. Icing on the cake: It was a student I really liked who was super helpful to other kids and teachers, so it was nice to do something nice for him. I also carried a 'Swiss Army' brand soft side brief case (yard sale find) STUFFED and it had a few of each size of battery."
"One day Phil Niekro and 2 Braves players were there for an assembly and Phil's mic battery was dying so I SPRINTED upstairs to my classroom, grabbed a 9 volt from my bag, then basically rolled across the panel and switched out his battery and got back to the PA avoiding getting on TV News cameras."
Through the Hourglass...
"Not me, but my mother."
"Apparently at a party where my parents and their friends were playing board games, there was a realization that an hourglass was missing from one of the games they planned on playing. My mother proceeded to reach into her purse and pull out an hourglass she just so happened to bring, on the off chance they didn't have one."
"HOWEVER, later in the night when some drinks had been had, someone accidentally slammed a drink down, breaking my mother's hourglass. Without missing a beat, she reached into her purse and pulled out ANOTHER hourglass. She knew the first one, being glass, might get broken so she had a backup ready."
Former Flat Earthers Explain What Finally Made Them Come Around | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Creepers
"I didn't actually plan for this, it just worked out. But one day for some reason I put a suction cup in my pocket. I can't exactly remember why - it was from a shower hook that I think broke (?) and I put it in my pocket hoping to find a replacement or something."
"Later that day I was standing around with a few friends and one friend was lamenting that his bumper was dented. He showed us and said, "I bet I could pop it right out if I had like a suction cup or something." I wordlessly pulled the suction cup out of my pocket and handed it to him. Everyone definitely thought I was creepy as hell."
25 Plus
"When my son was still a baby, we had to take an 11 hour flight. As an overthinker, I brought at least 25 diapers for him to go through. He didn't need that many, but the mom sitting close to us was very grateful when she ran out of diapers not even halfway through the flight and I gave her a few."
See, these people get it. It's better to be safe than sorry. If I had a kid I'd be packing a hundred diapers. And to be a sewing aficionado and carrying around supplies, should be mandatory skill for everyone.
The Cut
"I carry scissors in my glove compartment. They came in handy when a kid tightened a skinny zip tie around my 9 year olds finger at a park. Completely cut off the circulation. Also the other kids mom was a nurse so that was helpful too. Carry scissors and a nurse at all times."
Clogged!
"One time, I waaaay over thought a concern I had around dryer vent fire. When the time came that we had a clog, didn't know, and there was a wee burst of flames I was freaking READY."
"Edit to add: I cleaned the lint trap religiously. I just had a gut feeling. I bough One of those things from Amazon to clean it and nothing came out so DON'T LET THAT FOOL YOU."
"If your drying times are up and there's sometimes a smell, call someone or check every POSSIBLE location. We found basically Brillo pads of burnt hair inside the heating element. Stay safe pals!"
"Last edit: thanks for the award - my first of this kind!!! You rock fuzzybum."
just in case...
"Was at one of those trampoline parks with my kid when I look over and see several of the workers attending to an elderly lady sitting on the floor. Turns out she'd taken a shot to the forehead somehow and was bleeding profusely. They were trying to help with paper towels. Well I'd taken a free local Stop the Bleed class "just in case" and since have kept supplies in my truck."
"Asked if they needed some gauze and a bandage, went and got it, and brought it back. I told the guy, "Now if one piece of gauze fills up -" He interrupted, "Take it off and put on a new one." I said, "No! You put another one overtop that one, but leave the bottom one there." He said, "Well, you know more than I do. Come over and help." We were able to get her patched up."
- nchiker
Slim Jim
"I bought and learned to use a slim Jim ( open locked cars) I carry one in my car and have been able to help no less than 10 people who have locked their keys in their car. My brother was visiting me from out of town and he need something from Target, he called me and said an elderly man had locked his keys in his car and I was able to drive over and help. Also have jumper cables that have helped start a few stranded drivers."
I See Things
"Went through a stage as a teenager where I thought I was psychic."
"I know, I know, stupid. A friend asked me jokingly to make a prediction. I told him to get a flashlight, because tomorrow would be dark. I grabbed one myself when I got home and put it in my purse. No idea why, just did it. The next day the Eastern seaboard blackouts happened. He still asks for predictions to this day."
Got It!
"I worked weddings for a while, during an age (26-28) where lots of my friends were getting married. I've helped to bustle pretty much every bride whose wedding I attended, including brides who I didn't know well (who were either friends of my husband, or I was close friends with the groom)."
"At work, I had one of those craft supply organizers full to the brim of emergency supplies: pins (safety, bobby, AND straight pins), hair ties, earring backs, a sewing kit, pain relievers, tums, granola bars (sometimes you just need to get the bride to eat SOMETHING), chalk (works great for covering up minor stains on white dresses), hairspray, makeup remover wipes, superglue, bandaids, blister bandages, you name it. People were always pleasantly surprised when they needed something random and I was just like "yep I've got that, here you go!"
Tiny Ideas
"I remember one day in school a teacher was complaining someone had tied her blinds so tightly she couldn't get them to open or close. Me being the weird kid, I ask her if she wanted a screwdriver to get it undone. She looked at me like I was crazy and a little scared as I reached into my wallet and pulled out this tiny screwdriver from those tiny finger bmx/skateboards and handed it over."
"Everyone thought I was crazy and my teacher laughed in relief when she saw it. Everyone thought i was weird until I told them I used it to tighten the screws on my glasses. They were constantly unscrewing themselves and I was sick of having to go to the opticians every time it happened. Obviously the solution was to carry a tiny screwdriver with me!"
- Zanki
Parent MD
"I found a nickel-sized lump on my fifteen month old daughter's temple, freaked out, obsessed over it, researched it exhaustively, and concluded it was a dermoid cyst that had worn through the skull. I was told by a pediatrician that it was a bone bruise that would fix itself over the course of three to six months, no imaging was needed, and I shouldn't make an appointment at the children's hospital because it would resolve on its own."
"I got an X-ray done anyway and the radiologist confirmed every one of my suspicions, but the pediatrician still said to wait and see because that's what you do with dermoid cysts and it was definitely not through the skull despite what the radiologist said. Made an appointment at the hospital anyway, and the surgeon swore up and down that although it was a dermoid cyst as I'd suspected, it would not be through the skull since in all his years of practice it never had been."
"Well guess what? It WAS through the skull, and it was pressing on the membrane between the skull and the brain, a hair's breadth from breaking the membrane or pressing on the brain. A couple more weeks of waiting and my daughter could have had seizures, a brain infection, lasting damage. I overthought it and now she's a happy, healthy three year old."
Firesaver...
"I carry a fire extinguisher in my auto. I witnessed a car accident where the engine caught fire. I quickly put it out before it burned the inside of the car. Everyone survived."
- mwthread
The Classmen
"In college on occasion upper classmen would randomly steal the under classmen towels from the shower stalls and then lock their room doors so they had to go to the RA bar messed. I had the idea to stash a towel in the drop ceiling tiles for just that event. Maybe a week later I became the victim of a towel snatching. However, the upper classmen were very unhappy to see me strut out with a nice clean towel from my ceiling stash."
- duck1914
Holding the Deck
"I always keep an unopened deck of cards in my backpack. You never can tell when some Hold 'Em may be needed to pass the time. But when I was at a business conference the bigwig who was presenting to us was having to wing it with a few things because his luggage had been lost, and he didn't have all of his materials. He had the PowerPoint deck, but he didn't have his props."
"He started going into explaining how he'd be able to demonstrate this statistical principle he was describing, only he didn't have the unopened deck of cards he needed. Voila! I was able to produce a shrink-wrapped deck of cards. My boss was also in the same presentation, and he was also impressed that I just happened to have a deck of cards on me, so that's nice, too."
- ronearc
My Left Hand
"Injuring my dominant hand... as a kid I had an irrational fear of having it chopped off. I spent all of grade 6 teaching myself to write and do things with my left hand. I made a conscious effort to remain as ambidextrous as possible. As an adult I broke a few fingers on my dominant hand... but it wasn't a big issue because I could do most things equally with my left hand. Anti climactic, but it was useful lol."
I am Here
"Getting lost in a foreign country. Relying on phone GPS to navigate, data stops working... had over prepared and memorized the map of the downtown area ahead of time."
The Back-up
"I am basically blind without my glasses, and I've always taken a backup pair of glasses when I travel. It went untouched for years, taking up valuable space in my luggage. Lo and behold, one trip to Montreal a few years ago I just woke up one morning to find my glasses broken - no idea how it happened. And I finally got a chance to break out my backup pair 😎."
- caruul
Got it All...
"I used to live out of my backpack, and I always thought I'd need to leave town, so I kept just about everything in there you could ever need. Often times I'd end up having to stay somewhere without much notice, and I'd have: a change of clothes, face wash, tooth brush, toothpaste, scissors, floss, phone charger, money, snacks, etc. Enough to cover me for at least two days without actually needing to go home."
I hope everyone is paying attention. Be more like the overthinkers. We're the ones you want on the island. You want to stay useful or be fed to sharks. Eventually, our day always comes.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
It's a wonderful feeling when you think you've met "the one."
Someone who is so perfect in absolutely every way that you can't help but think that they must be too good to be true.
Only to make the unpleasant discovery that they are, indeed, too good to be true.
As they neglected to tell you one important piece of information: they're seeing something else.
A discovery that is naturally met with rage, sadness, and confusion.
As well as the occasional unexpected, unusual development down the line.
"Guys that sleep with other guy's girlfriends, do you feel bad afterwards? Why or why not?"
Lose A Significant Other, Make A Friend!
"Hooked up with a girl at a party once."
"We hit it off and arranged to go on an actual date the next week."
"About an hour later someone told me her BF had just showed up."
"I gave the dude a beer, explained that I had no idea she wasn't single and that I'm sorry."
"He gave me a massive hug and thanked me for being upfront."
"We both told her to f*ck off and spent the rest of the night drinking and singing karaoke together."
"Top bloke."
"I didn't feel bad; I was lied to, he was betrayed, she was a *unt, nothing more to it really."- 5Volt
Pulled The Plug
"I did it twice not knowing they had bfs."
"Yes, I felt bad afterwards and I totally cut contact when I found out."- born_again_tim
Buh-Bye!
"When I was in college a married woman tried to hide her marriage… to a deployed Marine."
"As soon as I found out, I bounced."
"I never condone cheating."- ItsbeenBroughton
Two People Were Duped
"I actually have a story about this."
"So I hooked up with a girl who had a long term boyfriend at the time."
"I didn't know and we had few encounters over a two month period."
"One day I was curious and decided to look at her socials and that's when I found out about him."
"I never bothered to look because I was being ignorant and it was first time being in a fwb situation so I was excited and wanted to keep it secret."
"As I scrolled down her socials all I saw were pics of them on expensive dates and trips and I just felt so bad for the guy."
"I felt like I had become the thing I hated the most."
"So that same night I decided to DM him about the situation and send him the texts between me and her to show him proof."
"He then called me and sounded really hurt holding back tears and all I could do was just say sorry over and over."
"But he thanked me and told me he would be leaving her."
"I then blocked her number and thought it was over with but later on that week the girl showed up at my place of work and damaged my car."
"Although I was angry at the moment I chose not to press charges as advised by the police (not USA) because the damage was minimal."
"But yea that's my story."
"On a positive note he found a new girl who looks way better and they equally appreciate each other outwardly on their socials so yes it was a happy ending."- rankyy
Even The Idea Is Hard Enough
"I lost a mate this way."
"We were really close friends and he was going through a rough time with his then girlfriend."
"She decided to get back at him by writing some bullsh*t in her journal about her and I hooking up and then conveniently left it out so he would see it."
"It was 100% untrue."
"Friend confronted me on it and I told him it was untrue but he didn’t believe me."
"We stopped talking after that."
"He eventually reached out to me about 6 months later after she admitted to him that she had made it all up."
"The damage was done and we never were the same again."- tizod
This Opens Many Questions...
"I had a brief friends with benefits arrangement with a girl who had a boyfriend."
"I didn't know the guy, and I was young and impetuous at the time."
"After time went on, I started to feel bad about it."
"It all came to a head when she told me she wanted to leave him to be with me and I said no."
"She asked why not."
"I said I couldn't trust her as a girlfriend."
"She asked why."
"I said, you've literally spent the last 2 months cheating on your boyfriend."
"With me."
"Why else do you think?"- Idontdanceforfun
An Agreement Or Just Her Policy?
"I hooked up with a lady at my gym, she didn't say sh*t about being married, she came to my place the two times we hooked up."
"I saw her again at the gym with a dude, when he went off to go do something I went over and said hi, she said don't talk to her here with her husband around, she will call me later."
"She called me later and told me her husband worked out of town a ton, when in town she was with him, when he's out she's free to do as she pleases."
"We did not meet up again."- SomeRandomUser00
Thankfully, They Grew Up...
"I did it knowingly during High School."
"I was dating and she was too, but we both had issues in our relationships and we didn't know how to figure them out."
"Clinging to our toxic relationships we found solace in each other and enjoyed spending time together."
"We ended up fooling around and after we had sex, we both stopped."
"We stayed friends for a while and both continued dating, but eventually both of us were single."
"I regret it, he doesn't know about it, I told my gf and she accepted my apology, even though we did break up about a year later."
"I'm not proud of myself and I still hate myself for it."- Slippy_666
Nipped In The Bud...
"A buddy’s wife tried to get with me once."
"I told her she had 90 seconds to call her husband (my best friend from High school), put the call on speaker, and explain to the two of us why she was a complete POS…or I’d call him myself."
"They divorced the next month."- Pennameus_The_Mighty
Some Secrets Aren't Worth Keeping
"If i know she cheated with me on her dude I let the dude know.""
"i hate that kind of people."- DaEpicBob
It's hard to place blame on those who unknowingly got together with partnered individuals.
Those who knew what they were doing, on the other hand, should have expected there to be consequences of some sort or another.
Do you have any similar experiences, let us know in the comments below.
People Break Down The Exact Moment They Realized Their Best Friend Was A Complete A-Hole
Sometimes we're so blind to the faults of others.
Learning the hard truth about a best friend is never easy.
Especially if that particular truth is the fact that they were never a good friend or good person, to begin with.
But we see people how we see them.
And one day, we see beyond what we want.
You sort of feel bamboozled.
But when someone tells you who they are, whether with their words or their actions, believe them.
Redditor RealTourelle11 wanted to hear how friendships fell apart, so they asked:
"What made you realize your best friend was actually a complete a**hole?"
I've realized far too many times too late, that some people need to go.
Not all friends are friends.
EXCUSE ME?!
"When she told me she was cheating on her husband, and then I found out she was cheating with MY husband."
7grendel
$40 worth of snacks...
"I was poor and in college, I had the flu really really bad one week and asked my friend (he lived in a dorm across the hall) to go to the convenience store in the dorm lobby and get me something to drink and he could get whatever for himself too. He got me my soda and himself $40 worth of snacks."
"Didn’t notice at the time and I ordered us a pizza, he knew it was all I was going to have to eat for the next few days, and he snuck into my room and ate the leftovers while I was passed out on cold medicine."
"I didn’t even really know how to respond. Like I was already buying him snacks and feeding him… he had a meal plan on campus (I didn’t)… why act like that?"
EmperorMrKitty
Thief
"When I trusted and believed he was like a brother only to have him steal thousands of dollars from me. The money didn’t even matter but the treason hurt for years."
thejourney_89
"Happened to me too. A girl who was like a sister to me stole $80K from my business (her husband did, with her knowledge) and then turned her back on me while I was going through chemo. To be fair, I did tell her the worst thing would be if I lost a huge amount of money like that and that I’d rather have cancer again so I did give her the method to hurt me the worst. So there’s that."
Miqotegirl
Blocked
"Over time we lost contact, then she only reached out when she needed money. I let this go on too long until I found out I was pregnant with my first, and told her then I wouldn't send any money after that. She still asked, my daughter is now over 1.5 yo, and she had never even met her. I ended up blocking her and telling her not to bother trying to reach out anymore."
Beneficial_Affect522
Conversation Over...
"I started to realize that they only ever talk about themselves. They rarely ask me a question, but then cut me off while I’m answering to make it about them."
onemoretwat
Why can't people realize they need to shut up?
Probably because they don't care.
And Me?
"Realizing I am always there for them but it is never reciprocated or even acknowledged or even feigned interested in any thing I am doing in life."
Auniqueusername1983
Favors
"Best friend since elementary. In high school When I told her I no longer wanted to be friends because she was mean to others all the time, including me- she said that I had to be friends with her cuz she was my friend In elementary and middle school even tho everyone told her not to be, and that everyone talked behind my back about how gross and weird I was and she stayed my friend anyhow. She worded it like she was doing me a huge favor by being my friend and that I somehow owed her for that charity."
caffeinebee
In the end...
"Probably when my gf at the time admitted to sleeping with him and my three other guy friends while we were together. Not in an embarrassed way either, she was throwing it in my face to hurt me."
"I hoped against my own instincts that it wasn't true but I asked him and knew instantly from the look in his eyes that it was. Basically lost my whole friend group overnight, but... ended up finding much better friends in the long run. It all works out."
sleepingfox307
The Single Life
"All we ever talked about was her - how she hated being single, who she dated, how jealous she was of other people with partners. She skipped my dad's funeral. She ignored my housewarming party. She'd ignore me for weeks at a time, then suddenly call me up crying because she got dumped."
"I drove her to surgeries and sat waiting to drive her home. Watched her kids. Sat through a hundred weepy nights."
"Then she found a relationship. I have seen her 1x in the past 9 months (because I invited her to get together) and haven't heard from her in 3. I guess she must be happy now, doesn't need me to be a shoulder to lean on. She wasn't ever interested in being a friend to me. I was just someone to cheer her up when she was feeling down."
knastywoman
Loser
"When he got his girlfriend pregnant he got 6 weeks of paternity leave. He lived with me and she had her own place. For months after the child was born he sat home taking advantage of his paid vacation playing 10 hours of video games a day while she struggled with the child."
GuyMansworth
Some people just need to go from our lives.
It's healthy.
Do you have any experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
People Confess Why They Think Waiting Until Marriage To Have Sex Is A Good Or Bad Idea
Why is sex such a dramatic aspect of life?
It carries such weight in our lives.
For some, there's a big debate about waiting for marriage.
Other want to know if they're compatible (both emotionally and sexually) before tying the knot.
Whether it's for religious or other reasons, this topic can put a strain on many adult relationships.
First and foremost, we do know we have to do what's best for us.
Redditor EveningAd3633 wanted to hear about all the reasons to abstain or let loose, so they asked:
"Do you think that waiting until you are married for sex is a good idea? Why or why not?"
Redditors from around the globe wanted to share their experiences.
No Touching
"I know a couple who are waiting until marriage. They both agree on it and are fine with it. But they have ridiculously over the top tickle fights. - _- It makes me so uncomfortable to witness. I'd almost rather see them bang in front of me. It's band camp levels of tension that just won't ever go away."
rlev97
Do we Fit?
"No. We waited and we were not compatible… eventually, he cheated and we got divorced. Also, being compatible sexually is not a reason to get married either."
Whatwhyohhh
"I don’t understand how people don’t get this. It’s the same as any other aspect of marriage—if you aren’t compatible, you shouldn’t get married. It would be like dating someone, and the entire time you’re both blindfolded."
"Then after you’re married you can FINALLY take your blindfold off only to find out your partner looks like someone set their face on fire and put it out with a pick axe. Every aspect of compatibility is important in a marriage."
"Yes, you both change and evolve but if you’re not both 100% committed to weathering these changes and adapting as a couple, then your marriage will probably not be a happy one!"
ThrowRA--scootscooti
All Aspects
"Personally, I think it's good to wait a while before having sex with someone to actually know them, but I wouldn't wait to be married... I think you should know the person that you are marrying on all aspect."
reidjanie
"WELL SAID - and just to take on so many of the other opinions on this thread, it is NOT a good idea to wait until after marriage. It’s not 'fine if you want' it’s actively a terrible idea IF you care about having a sex life. Hoping it will work out through sheer luck? Idiotic."
frecklie
Things Change
"No. Not saying you should f**k everyone that propositions you but you should make sure you are compatible with someone before marrying them. Too many people find out too late they can't stand someone's actual personality. Things change after sex, people calm down and get real, they stop being on their best behavior. Get to know the real person before you marry an intolerable a**hole."
Sithlord_unknownhost
Stay Calm
"If you want to wait, go for it. But don’t set yourself up for waiting until marriage, and then rush the marriage part just to get to the sex."
1107rwf
"Kid I work with is 24. Just got married. Did the deed. Now has a kid on the way. All within 3-4 months of meeting his wife at church. Great kid. But you can see it in his face already. The guy is STRESSED."
PostRdMalone
Roulette
"Paraphrasing Lewis Black: If you wait until marriage to have sex, then you are a gambler on a level I can't even freaking imagine."
Zerotan
Don’t judge...
"I would say it’s not about waiting until you are married but waiting until it is right for both of you. That’s the key point that a lot of people get wrong. They get to it for reasons other than it being right or feeling right."
"So if your belief is that you should have committed to a marriage, then that is what is going to feel right for you. It could also be that within hours (or even minutes) you can feel that it is right for you. Don’t judge the duration, judge the feeling that you have."
Icanicoke
Cause and Effect
"I’ve heard horror stories of marriages being destroyed because it wasn’t until after wedlock that they discovered their sex drives were entirely different. It causes depression, it causes divorce, and in some extreme cases, it pushes people to cheat. I just don’t think it’s worth it to wait when it could potentially make or break a relationship."
Hiding_In_The_Back
He was right...
"My step dad always told me, 'You might like the pair of jeans you have, but there's always a chance you'll find a pair that fits you better.' He was right. There was no shame in having sex before marriage, and he also taught me that as a female, it is perfectly OK to buy and have the condoms. It's also ok to reject a guy if he doesn't want to be safe. Your body is worth more than his sexual pleasure."
nivsei15
More than talk...
"No. Unless you're both asexual, sexual compatibility is an important part of a relationship, and that's not something you can determine just through conversation."
Deaf_Witch
"Sexual compatibility is important for asexual people too, as in having a similar lack of interest in it."
DescipleOfCorn
Thanks to these Redditors for opening up and sharing on such an important topic.
Some really valid points were made about communication, expectation, and compatibility.
Do you have any thoughts to share? Let us know in the comments below.
We've all known someone who tends to say mean things or generally be kind of a jerk.
And whether we want to admit to it or not, it can be fun to see that jerk taken down a few notches with a solid insult.
Ready for roasting, Redditor depressed_jellybear asked:
"What's the best insult you've ever heard?"
Not Your Mom
"When I was in high school, one of my classmates gave our teacher a typical 'your mom' response to a question without realizing the teacher’s mother had just died."
"Without missing a beat, the teacher said, 'Leave my mother out of this. I don’t make fun of your parents, and look what they produced.”
- HopeDeferred
Adoption Jokes Not Welcome
"I was playing 'Pavlov' (a virtual reality game) with a group of people, one of which was this very annoying kid who kept saying something like, 'You're bad because you're adopted,' and stuff like that."
"He did that to one dude, and the guy replies something like, 'I'd return the insult, but that'd imply someone wanted you.'"
"Had the whole lobby erupting. I don't know if it's taken from somewhere or what."
- ClaireBear13492
Underestimated by the Teacher
"Teacher of mine once said to a classmate who kept making the most asinine contributions to the conversation:"
"'You make it really difficult to underestimate you.'"
"The guy had no idea what it meant, he thought it was a compliment."
- robbycakes
Jeez, Dad.
"16-year-old me trying to convince my dad to take my friends and I to see 'American Pie':"
"Dad: So what is it about?"
"Me: A group of high school friends trying to lose their virginity."
"Dad: I can stay home and see that."
- Theromented1
Based on Real Life
"I once asked my cousin if he watched the tv show 'Desperate Housewives,' and he said, 'No, I’m married to one."
- InourbwotamI
The Joke Will Go On
"I remember when 'Titanic' came out. My grandma, my mom, and I were getting ready to see it."
"My grandpa said, 'Don’t know what the fuss is about. I can tell you what happens, the boat sinks. The end.'"
"Lol (laughing out loud). Maybe it was his delivery, but it cracked me up."
- a7xbarbie
So, Anyway...
"The best one I've heard was, ''I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you.'"
- scottcree486
Seems Pretty Complicated
"I overheard someone tell someone else, They’d need a recipe for making ice cubes."
- thepiecesaremoving
An Insult for an Insult
“You’re not the dumbest person I’ve ever met, but you better hope he doesn’t die.”
- Trick-Reveal-463
"And I have the best response for that: 'Well then, I will pray for your health.'"
- Maria_506
New Take on the Clown Car
"I saw a bunch of quite pretentious people getting out of a limo at a club and pretending they’re more than they are to get in ahead of the line."
"The bouncer quipped, 'I can always tell clowns, all arriving in the same car.'"
- preferablyoutside
Signs of Aging
"Some bouncers are brilliantly witty, I assume it comes with working in a job where you have to deal with drunk a**holes all the time."
"A few years ago, I got IDed to enter a bar. I'd recently started buzzing my hair due to hair loss, yet my photo driving license had me with a thick full head of hair from several years before."
"The bouncer looked at the card, then me, and then said, 'Haven't you forgotten something?'"
"I was confused. He then showed his colleague, who nodded and said, 'Yeah mate, you've definitely forgotten something.'"
"Then he pointed to his head."
- Squeaky_Lobster
Good Luck Getting a Job
"You've got a face for radio, and a voice for writing."
- mike_e_mcgee
Girl Quips
"From 'Golden Girls':"
"Blanche: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go take a long, hot, steamy bath, with just enough water to barely cover my perky bosoms."
"Sofia: You're only gonna sit in an inch of water?"
- LissaMasterofCoin
Randomness Wins
"Context aside, someone once told me I look like I go to the park to punch birds."
- TheRoamingWeeb
While it can feel terrible to need to be around negative people sometimes, there's hope knowing that there are some things we can say that are funny and that will relatively put them in their place.
Now if only some of us could think of the comeback at the moment when it's useful...