Immediately, I could tell this was a shady business. I would be given a name, address and make/model of a person's car. I would then call and was given a script where I informed them their warranty expired and that they could buy a new one from us.

I realized right away that it was a scam because sometimes it would be a model year only 1-2 years old (no way warranty expired already). We still had to tell them it expired, to the point of arguing with them to convince them. Our best targets were senior citizens on already fixed incomes. They are extremely gullible when it comes to this kind of stuff. So I would sell these 3 year/36k mile policies for $4000 to people who already don't have much money.

I then looked into our actual warranties and realized they basically cover nuts/bolts and useless parts. But we would tell them it covered "everything on the engine from nuts to bolts". So I guess that was the truth.

Then one day, I called someone from the opposite side of the country. He stopped me mid-pitch and started reciting my script back to me. This freaked me out (what are the odds I called him?). He said he used to work for them until the government came knocking and they closed up shop. Apparently they just relocated and changed the name. He advised me to get out now and that I was doing a terrible, terrible thing.

Imagine walking around every day wearing a hazmat body suit and mask in hot steamy rooms filled with poisonous gas, while you stand knee-deep in toxic waste for hours on end. We would duct-tape our boots, suit and masks in order to not let any of the fumes in.

Imagine hundreds if not thousands of tiny glass arrows stuck into your skin that even after showering and scrubbing are still in your skin an every movement when dressed rubs these glass shards into your pain receptors causing you to think you will lose your mind if you have to take another step.

I've worked in 120 degree attics that were four feet high, pulling hundreds of pounds of lubed up cable through tiny conduits, for fourteen hours a day. I'd rather do that than work at this company again.

So we're testing this hockey game. I think my name is actually in the credits, I never checked. Anyway, it's a pretty stupid idea to outsource the hockey game testing to Louisiana. We literally had one guy on the floor who was "the rules guy", as in, he actually knew the rules of hockey. So, imagine rows of consoles, at the time PS3s and Xbox360s, with someone at each. Everyone is quietly doing their tests, and few people talk to each other. Most people have earbuds in. My boss is in a cubicle literally twenty feet away, but when he wants to communicate, he sends an email to someone who sends an email to someone who sends an email to someone in Canada, who sends an email to my friend sitting next to me, who tells me. It is considered "problematic behavior" that I respond by standing up, looking at the boss, and saying "Got it".

So, we're supposed to find bugs, by performing tests. For instance, my job was to test something called the EASHL League. The problem is, I was one of two people in my team, and each EASHL test required four consoles. Even when we did manage to get four, the entire thing was broken anyway, so any tests we would try to do were impossible, because they hadn't fixed the bug that made the entire section inaccessible. On top of that, just to get four consoles of the same kind meant asking people in other teams to help us, when nobody else's work required any help, and the entire place was set up to reward asocial behavior. More than once, we were flatly told by coworkers that "It's not their problem". Of course, any reason we had for being unable to perform the tests was unacceptable. Furthermore, the bugs had to be reported in a login system, but because of the group nature of the online testers, we never had bugs reported under the accounts of those who found them, just whatever person was logged in when we found it. So around 90% of my work was being credited to others, and while the higher ups knew this, they did not bother to adjust any assessments.

For this job I was paid $7.50/hour, and could only work for nine months at a time (I didn't make it nine months). The thing is, the company has a policy of annual raises. So, to avoid giving these raises, they lay off every employee after nine months, then offer to hire them back three months later. They even advised us to collect unemployment during that time.

By the time they reached me, paws and ears were already chopped of, and a big saw had cut the pig in half from ass to nose My job was to get the marrow out of the spine, with a sort of vacuum cleaner with a small hook on the end. The carcasses keep moving at a vast pace and I had to stand inbetween the two halfs, so was enclosed by 2 half pig bodies all day.

What I didn't know is that since I was new, I had to call all the kids who just recently graduated.

"Hi, this is sh*tfaced34 from the ___ call center, I was just wondering if you would be interested in placing a donation to the school?"

I showed up for work everyday, but since I never knew who my supervisor was and never met any co-workers I just returned to the endless boxes of towels every day. For eight hours of day, I stood in a dark room folding towels wearing a gas mask. Any time I asked a co-worker if I could take a break or sit down, they shrugged and told me to find a supervisor (it may have been easier to find a leprechaun). Eventually I realized that no one would ever notice if I fell over dead on that pile of towels so I started napping in the bathroom.

After the naps went undiscovered, I started swiping my timecard and then going home until it was time to punch out . This went on for months before I got bored and stopped showing up. My employee discount card worked all the way through college.

And then it wasn't. My workers, with the exception of one or two of them, would basically forget things I taught them after a day or two and do whatever the hell they wanted. Everyone bitched about how messy things were, but they would balk every time I assigned someone to clean something. Then, after I cleaned goddamn everything, they would mess it all up again.

Any time I set a priority that I knew would help my area, my [expletive] store manager would interrupt over the walkie, ask me why something significantly less important wasn't getting done, and tell me that I needed to do that instead. So, big projects would neverr get done because the store manager wanted to [show off] and micromanage. Every higher up manager was like that, too: territorial asses who went to extreme lengths to make your day miserable.

I was also basically on call. Sometimes I would get calls late at night telling me that I needed to turn up to work early to make sure the department got set up to look the best it could due to a corporate tour. Any time off I requested would typically be ignored, and even though I followed the procedure for time off precisely, they would make it sound like I fucked it up or I was asking for something unreasonable.

I put up with it all because I needed to. I either needed a promotion, or needed to get the hell out. Every last higher up manager dangled promotions in front of me for prooooobably four months. I'd go to work, go to the gym, come home and send out resumes because I didn't have the money to do anything else.

And the smell, oh the smell. We had these barrels that would get filled up with the waste from the day, which would include rotten eggs, and the chicken equivalent of placenta.

Those barrels would just fester until a truck came and emptied them out, and then I was required to pressure wash them. I once came to work hungover, and I ended up just puking into the barrel.

Worst thing I ever saw was when we vaccinating eggs that were about three days from hatching. They came out of the incubators in these big carts, and get put on a conveyor belt into the vaccination machine. The guy transferring the eggs from the cart dropped his entire slide tray somehow, which is 18 dozen eggs. 18 dozen eggs that were three days from hatching.

Me and fucking Randy are just trying to get it all into the drainage trench as fast as possible, cause if the boss walks in on this we're sure as hell fired, regardless of the fact that I hadn't done anything wrong.

In the one summer I worked there, I saw four people who were hired after me get fired, and three people quit after working less than a week. Some girl walked out after the introductory tour, turns out she was a vegetarian.