The Weirdest Things Patients Have Ever Said When Waking Up From Anesthesia

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"Count down from 100."
Those instructions will sound familiar if you've ever been put under for surgery or a dental procedure. You also know that you're not quite yourself when you wake up.
Reddit users were asked various times to share their best stories of people being under the influence of anesthesia and almost 6,000 people responded.
Speaking in Tongues
When I was being put under for oral surgery, the nurses said I started babbling in a strange language, and recorded part of it for proof. It turns out I was speaking Welsh (my grandparents were from Wales). Odd thing was, under anesthesia I sounded pretty fluent and conscious I only know random words and phrases. ProfessorLake
Rewards For Bravery
My dentist kept a big basket of little toys and prizes to reward the youngest patients, you know, mini yo-yos and stickers and stuff. When I got my wisdom teeth out, I remember stumbling over to it and deciding I really wanted a treat, but I was too clumsy from the drugs to pick anything up. So I thought, "F* it, I was so brave, I deserve all of it," and I swept it all into my sweatshirt pocket.
Woke up to my sister and her boyfriend laughing at me, sleeping next to my pile of treasures. Temporary tattoos, stick-on earrings, little whistles and pinwheels, pencils, bouncy balls, I got them all. I couldn't laugh, so I just made a sound like, "Hoo hoo hoo" and went back to sleep.
I feel a little bad about it now. what_n0w

Dave King / Getty Images
Can I Get A Frosty With That?
When I went in to have my appendix removed after it rudely burst the doctors were trying to keep me in good spirits. So they asked me before I went under for surgery after not feeling well or eating for about 48 hours:
Dr: "What is the first thing you want to eat?"
Me: "Wendy's"
Dr: "What are you going to get at Wendy's"
Me: "Everything."
Then I went under for surgery and woke up like 2 hours later and it felt like (I ate) a cactus so I obviously asked "wtf?" the nurse that was with me simply told me that I had woken up in the middle of surgery. I guess I slipped my arm out of the wrist holder restraint and reached over and ripped my breathing tube out and advised "I'm fu_king starving" and they apparently freaked out and told me they weren't done to which I replied "Oh I'm sorry, continue" and passed back out. I remember nothing, but my throat does, as well as the orderly that was laughing about it with me in the AM. parkesto
Feeling Frisky
I put people out like once or twice a day.... Funniest one I can remember is this dude in with a dislocated shoulder, kinda a meek guy and his wife was in the room - usually we make family leave, but not always. Anyway, start talking to him while we push the drugs and at first he's totally with it, "Oh well, my wife and I are going to Hawaii (words getting more slurred) thiss weeek and (eyes droopy) Imunna f___ the SH*T outtaver... (almost out)...". His wife was SO RED. We all tried not to smile and she excused herself. elaxandletithappen
Good Name Though
When I went under to have my appendix removed, I apparently kept telling everyone I could about my cat, Russell.
I don't have a cat. Demaikeru

Who's There?
My oral surgeon told me a knock knock joke while I was being put under for my wisdom teeth removal.
Afterwards, he told me that I laughed so hard at the joke that I threw up and pissed my pants. He said no one had ever laughed that much at one of his jokes before.
I don't remember any of it, but my pants were definitely moist while I was in the recovery room. It was pretty embarrassing for 23 year old me. [deleted]
Yes Sir, General Anesthetic
As I was being wheeled into the OR for brain surgery the drugs were heavily kicking in. My wife, referring to the two dozen or so people preparing for the operation said, "Man, there's an army of people here to take care of you."
I replied, "How the hell are we going to feed them?" RDRHostage

Chris Ryan / Getty Images
Call Me Sal
I (a guy) had a simple surgery about a year ago to remove some bone fragments I had floating around in my ankle when I broke it. Apparently right after they got me back from my anesthetic they were asking me the date, where I was, and my name to make sure there were no complications. I apparently looked the male nurse dead in the eyes and told him "You can call me Sally if it makes you feel better, but it isn't going to help you get lucky tonight." Thunderthorz
$4,000?
My 15 year old son had a fever, stomach ache, and pain in his side. We went to the Doctor, who sent us straight to the hospital fearing Appendicitis. ER doc told us the same thing. They start an IV and sedate him then run tests to confirm diagnosis. Turns out he had a stomach flu, and the pain in his side was gas. Or as we call it now, the $4000 fart. Anyway, as we are leaving the hospital my son is freaking out. He is yelling at me "You are a huge idiot, and getting ripped off. You didn't even ask the doctors to shrink my head back to normal size. How am I going to fit this giant head in the car. There is no way I am going to school like this. What if my head just floats off my body. Do you even love me? Why didn't you ask them how to shrink my head?" I was laughing so hard and trying to console my son who was really concerned about his giant head floating off of his shoulders. A positive side effect of his outburst was he got so riled up yelling, he let out a huge fart then let us know he felt better, and only occasionally asked us about his giant head for the next hour. fictionalname
Tattoo Tail
I had a colonoscopy done last year. I also have a tattoo of Bender from Futurama on my a**. Apparently I was very aggressive in trying to show the nurses and doctors my tattoo. That was a weird day. pjkenk2
Laughter is the Best Medicine
This happened as I was just waking up from surgery for something done below the waist. As I saw the nurses looking under my gown. They were laughing about something, and I said, "Usually when a woman looks down there she doesn't laugh."
Which caused them to laugh even harder. [[deleted]1]

David Sacks / Getty Images
I've Seen This Episode
One time I was under and my doctor spoke to me briefly while standing outside my curtained room, with only his head peeping past the curtain. When he saw that I was awake and talking, he elaborately opened the curtain up to reveal a group of 10-15 people standing, watching me in my hospital bed. Apparently I kept saying that I was on an episode of Scrubs, and I wouldn't stop calling the doc JD. Idunno-doyouknow
Don't Make Me Turn This Gurney Around
I was sitting in the recovery room after my girlfriend had her appendix out, and they wheeled in an older woman. The nurses were talking about nurse stuff, like what cubicle to put her in, and the older woman goes "HEY! Quiet down back there, or I'm turning this car around right now!" in a dopey anesthesia voice. On cue, both nurses go "Sorry, Mom!" The lady smiles. [deleted]

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Under Attack
I had a breast reduction several years ago and when I came out of anesthesia I immediately punched my nurse in the face and started screaming and trying to get up and get away. It really didn't go well. I don't really remember them getting me out of the surgery center, but I remember on the way home I was screaming and cursing and just generally freaking out in an insane way, all while my mother attempted to keep me from hurting myself. I guess I thought I was in a captive situation and everyone was trying to kill me, or take my organs for the black market. I have no idea.
When we got home she instantly handed me 2 of my prescribed Percocet and left me to drool and watch TV. I went back a week later and apologized to the nurse, gave her a gift certificate to a day spa, and gave the staff a bunch of baked goods. I felt awful about it. I work in the medical field, and I was the nightmare patient. CosmicDustbunny
Vivid Imagination
At 18 I had my wisdom teeth removed. I distinctly remember the doctor asking what I saw out of the window as I was going under. I realized later I described in great detail a topless woman in the window of the building across the street.
...the doctors office overlooked a field. SpiritOf76ers
Greatest Ever
I was put under general anesthetic for surgery a few years ago. The doctor told me afterward that I vividly described what I called "the greatest seven minutes of porn ever created". He said the nurse had to leave the room because she was so embarrassed. I have no idea what I was even talking about and remember none of it. StickleyMan
True Confessions
I was coming out from general anesthetic after my colonoscopy (a few months after I turned 21), I described in glorious detail the events of my 21st birthday to my parents and our church pastor (who'd come to visit), including my younger friend hooking up with my boss, how the car had actually gotten damaged, and how the security deposit for the apartment was withheld for "excessive carpet staining."
The first thing I remember was my mother's disapproving stare ?_? and my dad saying. "I don't think you should ever drink that much again."
The next time I had a colonoscopy was a few years later, shortly after I returned from Europe. I asked the nurse to make sure I was conscious of what I was saying before they let my parents in that time since the stories I was likely to tell were much more embarrassing.
To clarify, I was raised in the bible belt, and this was the first time I had discussed anything alcohol consumption related with my parents. That church pastor stopped inviting me to events at her house and hasn't looked at me the same way since. thewalex

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Prim and Proper
As a student, I spent a day observing (and trying to be helpful) in the recovery ward for a GI clinic (think Colonoscopy). I was bringing a gentleman's wife in to see him and went over to see if he was fully awake. Now, this was a very proper gentleman, who came in in a 3 piece suit, and seemed super-embarrassed about the whole process.
So, he looks up at me, farts, then says "nurse, I think I have just been violated" before falling back asleep. His wife just sorta stood there. I booked it out of the room, spent 5 minutes laughing hysterically in the cleaning room, surrounded by all manner of equipment designed to go into people. KirinG
Lizard King
I had wisdom teeth removed. I remember my doctor mentioning that after I went under I started talking about lizards with hats. That doesn't trump what followed the surgery though.
Upon being roused from my seat my father jokingly offered to let me drive home. He and the doctor had to chase me and take the keys from my hands. Next thing I remember is waking up on the couch making car noises. acktac

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Freddie Is a God
My mom was my driver while I had my wisdom teeth pulled and was in the room when I was being 'brought back' from the anesthesia. I don't remember any of it but my mother told me that the nurse told me that I had to keep my mouth still to stop the bleeding. I then preceded to start singing "Under Pressure" by Queen and when she told me to stop talking, I looked at her with a face full of disgust and said "Freddie Mercury is a god and it's bullsh*t you don't like him." This all happening while my mouth was stuffed with gauze. bigsausagepizzasven
Nachos
When I had my wisdom teeth taken out last summer, I tried to get into a fist fight with my doctor because he kept hitting my gag reflex and I was mad about it. When I came to, he was pretty pissed, then while I was being lead to the recovery room, the anesthetic made me feel tall, and I started laughing and said "what is this, an oral surgeon's office for ANTS?!" I sh*t you not...my memory's spotty, but I very vividly remember yelling that in the office. Then when I got to the recovery room, I asked for nachos, the nurse said no, and I cried for 3 hours afterwards.
Pretty sure the doctors and nurses never saw someone switch moods that fast. TeHNyboR
How High?
I am deathly afraid of needles so I got laughing gas before getting put out when getting my wisdom teeth removed. My Indian dentist was testing how out of it I was to see if it was okay to put the needle in me and asked, "How high are you?" really meaning, "How tall are you?". I'm a stoner so my natural response was "I'M HIGH AS F___ DUDE!". Gave him a little laugh that day. prebreeze
Flipper
Had two operations about ten years apart in the same hospital. Got wheeled in to the pre-op room for the second operation and looked at a picture on the wall of an underwater scene. Recognized it from when I was 14 and had a flash back of talking endlessly under the pre-op anesthetic to the nurses the last time about "the pretty dolphins". Attempted to relate this hilarious story at 25 to the nurses present and found myself raving about the pretty dolphins all over again. Thomboy

Rodrigo Friscione / Getty Images
Metal Health
I had to go under for a lithotripsy for a kidney stone (they shoot sound waves into your kidney to break up the stone.) They had been giving me morphine all day so I was feeling pretty good. When they brought me into the room for the procedure they brought over the gas mask and asked if I was ready, I looked at the nurse and said, "F' YEAH! BLAST THAT F'ER OUT OF THERE WITH SLAYER!!" tommyservo
Getting Comfortable
When I was younger, I dislocated both my shoulders. When I went to the hospital, they put me under and when I awoke I was still feeling the effects.
My dad later told me that when I woke up, I started to strip off all my clothes and called my doctor a dirty (girl) multiple times. I guess I don't react well to anesthetic? sockshot

Mitsuko Nagone / Getty Images
Feeling the Love
I'm a nurse who administers "twilight sedation" for endoscopy procedures. My patients come in thirsty, starving, and usually scared sh*tless.
In general, I'd say the whole sedation process makes them less rather than more weird. It's very rewarding when a highly anxious patient awakens to find it's all over, they don't remember a thing, and the news is (hopefully!) good.
That said, there are entertaining moments! Sometimes, relief and a Versed buzz translate into deep affection. One guy woke up to learn he didn't need invasive surgery, told me he loved me, went back to sleep, and repeated that process every five minutes for an hour, even after I brought his wife back. tadababa
Age Inappropriate
I had to get stitches. Something went wrong and the gash got ripped open a little more. I was told that they had to put me under. While going under I apparently grabbed an older lady nurses' (talking mid 50's) chest, and told her I like my milk spoiled. [deleted]
Don't Eat the Baby
When I was born, there were some severe complications and my mum was given gas & air. She was convinced that she was giving birth to a tin of spaghetti, and kept saying how she was looking forward to eating me. duffgirl
Excused Absence
40 year old man, waking up: "No Mum! I don't want to go to school today, the kids are mean." whistledick
What Not to Watch
Apparently when I was put under to get chemotherapy in my spine, I yelled "demons! Demons! The Apocalypse is coming!" I had watched a whole marathon of Supernatural the day before. maciballz

Have you ever heard of a certain job that people call a career and thought... "PEOPLE PAY YOU FOR THAT?!?!"
All hard, honest work is good work.
And then there is just trash work.
And I don't mean garbage collection, that is honest work.
I don't know how some people live with themselves.
Redditor MrTuxedo1 wanted to discuss the careers they don't believe people should chase. They asked:
"What job do you have no respect for?"
Ticket scalpers. How do you the audacity to say that's a job?
Actual burglars have more empathy.
Disrespectful
"There are debt collectors who call relatives of the deceased to pay off their debts when they are not legally obligated to."
Top_Gun_2021
Shady. Shady.
"Australian Real Estate Agents. Laws don't seem to apply to them. Just as dodgy in sales and rentals alike. Never seen anything like it overseas."
snave_
"I'm in the US, it can vary state by state but my state is pretty strict on realtor laws. Some states require attorney review and there are definitely penalties for being reported for shady sh*t. It does require consumer reporting though."
ilostmytaco
Etransfer
"Where I live, tax info was leaked and now scammers are targeting low income individuals/families (people earning under 30,000 per year) with etransfer scams. I got one the other day that was an etransfer warning that 240$ 'a family member sent me' was about to expire."
SnowyInuk
"That’s disgusting. The scammers know what they’re doing, they know the harm they cause people and yet they don’t care."
surelysandwitch
Should be illegal...
"MLM managers. Not the low level idiots that get suckered into it, they suck too for trying to bring new people into that sh*tshow, but the people who create them know exactly what they are doing and are pretty much the only ones who profit off of it. Should be illegal. Pyramid schemes are illegal. None of them ever get the just desserts except occasionally by vigilantes I assume."
Wereno
I hate debt collectors. Yeah, you calling me one hundred times a week is going to miraculously make money appear.
Animals
"Paparazzi."
VictorBlimpmuscle
"I met Jack Gleeson (King Joffrey from Game of Thrones) at a bus stop in Dublin. Really nice guy but he said he quit acting due to people being nasty online and constant hounding from paparrazi. He's happier now but it sucks that he was pushed away from a career he was quite good at."
goobi94
Scumbags
"The pastors at mega churches whom ask their followers for money for private jets. Absolute scum to abuse others faith for your own greed."
ichancho
"Brian Tamaki is a greedy freaking pig, he takes advantage of so many people who are already struggling. Every time he’s in the local news (which btw is often) I get more and more pissed off at him and his wife. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Tamaki "
surelysandwitch
it’s a thing???
“'Dating Expert.' Sadly it’s a thing. It’s basically a self appointed title that requires no training or qualifications. What’s worse, is that I have a female friend who uses one. It’s very much a blind leading the blind situation."
Mean_Manufacturer_61
"Most of the self proclaimed “dating coaches” I know are women in their late 30s or early 40s who have never been married or had a longer relationship."
ipozgaj
EVIL
"Poachers. Especially big game poachers who purposefully hunt nearly extinct animals from species they know they are on the brink."
"I know there are poachers that come from rural villages who are trying to just put food on the table, which has my sympathy but poachers who come from money and hunt down animals minding their business in most shelters or restricted areas just to put a head on their wall as a trophy are absolutely heinous."
GetterdoneObiwan
I See It All
"Psychic Mediums. Specifically those who prey on the grieving."
JamesDeadite
"I've always found it interesting how many magicians go after people like this. I think it's because they know what it takes to trick people for the art. The slight of hand and mentalism. And they abhor people who use these tactics for such sh*tty purposes."
34HoldOn
I want so bad to believe in psychics and mediums. What say we on that topic?
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The nose is constantly being attacked by odors of the world.
Going through one day without having to hold my breath during a certain point, is a miracle.
Of course, I'm a New Yorker, so I maybe exaggerating for people in the countryside.
What's funnier is odors that are pleasant, that shouldn't be.
Have you ever looked and something and thought... "yuck."
But then you smelled it and it was like... "oh lovely,"
Redditor HappQueue wanted to know what aromas are arousing to the senses that may come as a surprise to many. They asked:
"What smells good but shouldn't?"
For some odd reason I love the things burning. Anything, food, pots, pans. You name it. Weird.
Blow
"Matches/candles on a birthday cake. I remember lighting matches as a kid purely to blow them out and inhale that sweet match-y smell."
semispooked
"guilty good"
"I work at a Chemical plant. We make a highly acidic product that is dark blue, viscus, highly corrosive, and smells exactly like Fruit Loops. It is incredibly disturbing."
Turin082
"Organic chemistry has many 'guilty good' smells. Thiophosgene (sulfur derivative of a chemical weapon used extensively in WW1) apparently smells like meat. Phosgene is used to make polycarbonate, thiophosgene is used to make some sulfur-containing molecules which eventually end up in therapeutic drugs."
HammerTh_1701
I can't huff it...
"Paint, specifically house paint. I love the smell. But anytime I hear that anyone is painting a room or their house, I volunteer. I just love sitting on the floor in a room that's been freshly painted, closing my eyes and just inhaling that slightly chemically, slightly creamy aroma."
Neowza
A Hint of French...
"A fish and chips shop burnt down as couple blocks from work a few years ago. The whole neighborhood smelled amazing for days. Just the slight hint of French fries. Nothing overpowering. It was so awesome. Until I found out someone was trapped in the fire and died."
stevey_frac
Drag
"Race fuel. Instantly puts me in a good mood as it reminds me of going to the drag races with my dad when I was young."
garfnodie
Fuel and matches get me too. And they sort of go together. Interesting.
Just like the Movie...
"The water from the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Mmm, bromine."
Stalkerslovemy
"This is one of my favorite scents of all time, and Disney is very aware that people enjoy it. Evidently it’s a lot harder to recreate than just adding bromine to water."
cash4panties
"black widow".
"There's a chicken wing restaurant near my house that has a challenge sauce called "black widow." The owner claims it to be around 500,000 scovilles. A few years back some buddies and I decided to try them, the sauce was a dark molasses color and smelled almost like a BBQ sauce, no hint of the danger that lurked at all. We each grabbed one wing and it went terribly. I don't know how something so spicy could smell so innocent."
Final-Chapter
Endless Weekend
"Hotel/rented rooms whenever you go on vacation. There's this particular smell that just says 'you are on vacation,' especially on a beach/swimming trips/out-of-the-town vacays."
Yummy_Llama
"Bath and Body Works has a plug-in scent called Endless Weekend that replicates that scent (to my humble nose)."
Exxcentrica
"oh no..."
"Someone you are attracted to's body odors. Anyone else who is slightly unhygienic smells repulsive."
Mini_gunslinger
"I remember back in high school a girl leaned over, sniffed me, told me that I smelled really good, and asked me what cologne I was wearing. I asked if she was joking, and she's like, no, you smell really good. When I told her I had just gotten done with gym class, she gets a small 'oh no...' look on her face and turns away. I think we both had a revelation that day."
user deleted
That Smell
"The smell inflatable things give off. I have no idea how to describe it, but it’s… nostalgic? to me."
crestfxllen
I do love the smell of plastics and inflatables. Ahh....
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At one point in time, we've misplaced things that we've considered priceless possessions.
It's hard to imagine how to go on without the lost object–whatever it may be–but over time, it becomes a distant memory and we move on.
That is until we magically find ourselves presented with this opportunity proposed by Redditor mikehotel288, who asked:
"You find yourself in a room with everything you’ve ever lost in your life. What do you look for first?"
There are necessities people cannot do without.
No More Dry Lips Ever Again
"Gonna be a lot of chapstick in that room."
– camefromxbox
There are things that bring us comfort and are irreplaceable.
Safety Blanket
"My baby blanket. It became tattered over the years—to the point where I couldn’t reasonably wash it anymore—so I had to throw it away a little while back."
"I have heavily regretted that decision. I was really attached to it (hence it being in tatters), but I really wish that I kept what was left of it instead of throwing it away. Just knowing that I’d still have it would be a huge comfort to me."
– Uearie
Sentimental Heirloom
"The pendant my dad had made for me with my grandmother’s engagement diamond. It was 2 carats. It disappeared from a Las Vegas hotel room 20 years ago. It was hidden deep in a suitcase where it would not have been easy to find. It was just GONE. Cops didn’t do anything. Didn’t even come to take my statement. Cleaning lady said she thought she saw an elderly man enter my room. The guy I was with was not sympathetic in the least. Entire situation was f**ked. I’m still so upset about it."
– MaritimeDisaster
Lone Shark
"My plastic shark toy I lost when I was 10. Ain't no f'king way it just VANISHED."
– Guilty_As_Charged__
Not everything lost is tangible.
Tick Tock
"The time I wasted."
– shinyfennec
It Holds Value
"My private key with 6 BTC in it."
– Significant_Mirror19
"I didn't lose one, but I'll check my room for yours just in case."
– Smodphan
Finding Purpose
"The reason I walked into the room."
– Lloyd_lyle
Lost Opportunity
"That one girl i spoke to on omegle lol"
– h-amishh
If only we get to reunite with those we've lost.
The Loved Family Member
"My grandpa."
– Splatty_boi_420
Grieving Parent
"My daughter. She’ll be in my brother’s arms. So I’ll find both things I care to look for."
– SeeTheFence
Missing Mom
"My mom. She died of cancer in 2017. She never got to meet my daughter. I miss the hell out of her and wish she was still part of my family’s life."
– X-Arkturis-X
The Animals That Come Into Our Lives
"My pets that have passed: especially my horse, Blue. It's been 4 years, but it feels like just yesterday."
– Baciandrio
While many of these scenarios are unlikely, the thread gave people an opportunity to reflect on the things that made a strong impression on their lives.
Sometimes, the memories of the things we've lost–whether they are random objects or sources of love–is all we have.
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What's worse than returning home from a night out or a workday and discovering your home was broken into? Being home when the break-in happens.
Home invasions are a common trope portrayed in horror films like The Strangers and Funny Games, and they're absolutely terrifying because they are based on real-life incidents.
Redditor silentagent47 asked strangers to consider this horrifying hypothetical.
"You have 5 minutes to prepare before a guy breaks into your house with the intention to kill you. You can not exit your house. What is your strategy to survive?"
The hunter becomes the hunted, inspired by TV and movies.
Duplicating A Scene
"There was an episode of Burn Notice where Michael puts aerosol cans in the microwave with kitchen utensils and hits popcorn button. I really want to know if this works or not."
– JohnSterlingSanchez
Epic Burglar Trap
"Speed-watch Home Alone."
– pluribusduim
It's about the choice of weapon.
Jump Scare
"I get the vacuum cleaner ready in a certain room, I turn it on as hes about to enter to create a distraction, then I jump out when he's inspecting the noise and bonk the f'ker on the head with the piece of 2 inch steel tube I keep as a weapon."
– BustedBastard
Beware of Dog
"Unleash the Hounds"
– myassonreddit
Make A Weapon
"Duct tape a bunch of knives to the end of one of those tall lamps to make a spear of blinding and then proceed to go sicko mode."
– DubTheeBustocles
Preparing For A Thwack
"Turn shower on, for some reason I have a shovel behind my wardrobe?? So grab that. Wait for him to check shower, whack with shovel. Boom."
– hypersp00p
It's Just A Game
"Corner camp with a shotgun."
– Arrow3619
A Warm Welcome
"Hairspray and a lighter to his face."
– WorkingClassSheep
The effectiveness of these tactics are questionable, but points for creativity are warranted.
Stand Still
"Put a lamp shade on my head and stand in the corner of the room."
– Cannabis_Sir
Make It Erotic
"I turn on all the lights, take off all my clothes, rub butter all over myself, and start a fake conversation on the phone. As soon as he breaks in I say into the phone: 'I’ve gotta go, my next appointment is finally here…”
– FrankieTheAlchemist
Forget The Stairs
"Go to the LIVING ROOM."
– on-oath-never-again
Removing The Element Of Fun
"Draw an X on my forehead and grab a beer."
– Candycoatedmuffin3
And that's why I would opt for living in a commune or apartment complex.
People who own houses are just asking for forced entry.
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