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These dad jokes will have you running for the cheese grater.


Thanks to for the collection and for the image.


1. I gave all my dead batteries away today
Free of charge.

2. What's the worst thing about ancient history class?
The teachers tend to Babylon.

3. Can February March?
No, But April May.

4.

5. How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?
1 or 2? 1... or 2?

6. I heard there was a new store called moderation
They have everything in there.

7. I dreamed about drowning in an ocean of orange soda last night.
It was just a Fanta sea.

8.

9. I knew I shouldn't have eaten that seafood
because now I'm feeling a little eel.

10. When you have a bladder infection
Urine trouble.

11. What happened to the cow that jumped over the barbed wire fence?
Udder destruction.

12.

13. A man tried to sell me a coffin today
I told him that's the last thing I need.

14. What's the best thing about elevator jokes?
They work on so many levels.

15. Why do chicken coops only have two doors?
Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans.

16.

17. Whenever I want to start eating healthy
The chocolate bar looks at me and snickers.

18. A three-legged dog walks into the bar and says to the bartender,
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

19. What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments?
An orcha-stra.

20.

21. How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.

22. My sea sickness comes in waves.

23. I asked a French man if he played video games.
He said "wii"

24.




More cringe-worthy dad humor on the next page :)

25. Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon?
The food's great, but there's no atmosphere.

26. I have kleptomania
but when it gets back I take something for it.

27. Why was Santa's little helper feeling depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.

28.

29. Comedians who tell too many light bulb jokes soon burn out.

30. A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer
the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

31. I'm on a Whiskey diet
I've lost 4 days already.

32.

33. What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.

34. I have the heart of a lion
and a life time ban from the San Diego zoo.

35. Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other,
"Do you know how to drive this thing?"

36.

37. I said to the Doctor, "Can you give me something for my liver?"
He handed me a pound of onions.

38. Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse.

39. What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are 49 cents and deer nuts are just under a buck.

40.

41. I ate a clock yesterday
it was so time consuming.

42. Steak puns...
they're a rare-medium, well done.

43. Want to hear a joke about construction?
Nah, I'm still working on it.

44.

45. I've just written a song about a tortilla
well, it's more of a rap really.

46. What's the advantage of living in Switzerland?
Well, the flag is a big plus.

47. I used to work for a soft drink can crushing company.
It was soda pressing.

48.

49. Doctor, you've got to help me, I'm addicted to Twitter.
Doctor: I don't follow you.

50. My friend was the hardest working car salesman in town.
He came home every night exhaust-ed.


Don't forget to share the laughs!

Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay

Have you ever been reading a book, watching a movie, or even sitting down for a fantastical cartoon and began to salivate when the characters dig into some doozy of a made up food?

You're not alone.

Food is apparently fertile ground for creativity. Authors, movie directors, and animators all can't help but put a little extra time and effort into the process of making characters' tasty delights mouthwatering even for audiences on the other side of the screen.

Read on for a perfect mixture of nostalgia and hunger.

AllWhammyNoMorals asked, "What's a fictional food you've always wanted to try?"

Some people were all about the magical foods eaten in the magical places. They couldn't help but wish they could bite into something with fantastical properties and unearthly deliciousness.

Nutritious

"Enchanted golden apple" -- DabbingIsSo2015

"The Minecraft eating sounds make me hungry" -- FishingHobo

"Gotta love that health regeneration" -- r2celjazz

"Pretty sure those are based off the golden apples that grant immortality. Norse mythology I think?" -- Raven_of_Blades

Take Your Pick

"Nearly any food from Charlie and the Chocolate factory" -- CrimsonFox100

"Came here to say snozzberries!" -- Utah_Writer

"Everlasting Gobstoppers #1, but also when they're free to roam near the chocolate river and the entire environment is edible." -- devo9er

Peak Efficiency

"Lembas" -- Roxwords

"The one that fills you with just a bite? My fat a** would be making sandwiches with two lembas breads and putting bacon, avocado and cheese inside. Then probably go for some dessert afterwards. No wonder why those elves are all skinny, eating just one measly bite of this stuff." -- sushister

Some people got stuck on the foods they saw in the cartoons they watched growing up. The vibrant colors, the artistic sounds, and the exaggerated movements all come together to form some good-looking fake grub.

The One and Only

"Krabby patty 🍔" -- Cat_xox

"And a kelp shake" -- titsclitsntennerbits

"As a kid I always pretended burgers from McDonalds were Krabby Patties, heck from time to time I still do for the nostalgia of it all. Many of my friends did the same thing." -- Thisissuchadragtodo

Cheeeeeeeeese

"The pizza from an extremely goofy movie. The stringy cheese just looked magical lol" -- ES_Verified

"The pizza in the old TMNT cartoon as well." -- gate_of_steiner85

"Only bested by the pizza from All Dogs Go to Heaven." -- Purdaddy

Get a Big Old Chunk

"Those giant turkey drumsticks in old cartoons that characters would tear huge chunks out of. Those things looked amazing, turkey drumsticks in real life suck and are annoying to eat."

-- Ozwaldo

Slurp, Slurp, Slurp

"Every bowl of ramen on any anime, ever." -- Cat_xox

"Studio Ghibli eggs and bacon" -- DrManhattan_DDM

"Honestly, any food in anime. I swear to god half the budget no matter what the studio goes into making the food look absolutely delicious." -- Viridun

Finally, some highlighted the things that aren't quite so far-fetched, but still far enough away that it's nothing we'll be eating anytime soon.

That tease can be enough to make your mouth water.

What's In It??

"Butter beer" -- Damn_Dog_Inappropes

"came here to say this. i was pretty disappointed with the universal studio version which was over the top sweet. it was more of a butterscotch root beer. i imagine butter beer to be something more like butter and beer, which wouldn't be crazy sweet, but would have a very deep rich flavor" -- crazyskiingsloth

Slice of the Future

"The microwave pizzas in back to the future two" -- biggiemick91

"I've been fascinated with those for years! They just look so good!" -- skoros

As Sweet As They Had

"The Turkish Delight from Lion Witch & Wardrobe. The real ones I had weren't bad but nothing special." -- spoon_shaped_spoon

"Came here to say this. I know it's a real thing, but I always imagined that it must have been amazing to betray your siblings over." -- la_yes

"You're used to freely available too sweet sweets. For a WW2 era schoolkid, it would have represented all the sweets for an entire year." -- ResponsibleLimeade



Here's hoping you made it through the list without going into kitchen for some snack you didn't actually need.

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