1. You are glowing today, what did you do to yourself.
This made a world of difference for me.
Let me explain: I grew up in a country, where misogyny is still quite normalized. It affected some aspects of my being, like my relationship to self and how I am supposed to look. For example, since I started wearing make up in my teens I never left my house without wearing it.
I went to college in NY, and still one of the only times I left my house without make up occurred in my last finals ever the last year of school. I walked into the computer lab: no makeup, no sleep for 2 days. A friend of mine sees me and says that: You are glowing today, what did you do to yourself? I was so surprised, I though Ive never looked worse, but he was sincere and did not get my bewilderment by his comment.
That uncoupled make up and fancy outfits from looking good in my mind permanently and within a second. I stopped wearing makeup completely since that day. I always hated it, to be honest. And I feel confident about how I look all the time. It is a great feeling.
2. A few months back, I ended up in a huge fight with my college friends and at that moment I just thought that it's time to end this so called Friendship thing.
After the incident I was pissed off and that was when one of my good old pal came to rescue. I shared my whole experience with him and instead of correcting my facts or comforting me he just said one thing -
If someone did something wrong with you, look into the past and see how many times he has done something worth for you instead of directly jumping towards pure criticism."
These lines stunned me for a minute and thereafter it changed my mindset to a great extent. Now I am a lot calculative and understanding rather than being an emotional chunk.
3. "They're anti-depressants"
That's the answer I received from the pharmacist when I asked what medicine I was picking up for my mom.
Up until then I hadn't known my mother was depressed, so when I heard it, it hit me like a ton of bricks. After I picked up the medicine and was driving home, I started thinking to my self:
"Have I been a bad son?"
"Did I make things any easier for her?"
"Why didn't she tell me?"
"Is she ok?"
"I've been a bad son."
"I know I've been a bad son."
"She didn't have to go through it alone."
Then I started remembering the terrible things I've said to her and how I treated her over the years. Heck, I started remembering the attitude I gave her when I agreed to pick up her medicine. I felt horrible. I felt sick and disappointed in myself. She had done so much for me and my siblings and at the very least I could have been more kind, patient, and affectionate to her. I couldnt even do that for her.
Then I got home and (Continued)
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gave her a massive hug and a kiss.
I've never forgotten the response the pharmacist gave me. I do the best I can to make her feel happy and loved. I call her everyday to see how she's doing and tell her how it's going with me. I don't shut her out. I tell her I love her at the end of every phone call and at every conversation.
Since the time I walked in the pharmacy, every time I see her, I give her the hug and kiss she deserves. She's my saint and I treat her as such.
4. She fancies herself a seamstress
An unsupportive ex boyfriend once said that about me at a time in my life, when I was transitioning over from working normal jobs in society to living my dreams. I had no formal education as a seamstress or designer, other than a sewing project in home economics way back in high school.
It inspired me to prove him wrong. I've since become a very well know and highly paid celebrity seamstress, designer and stylist despite my lack of education.
5. Not everything can fit into a box, Alice. Some things are just kinda gonna hang there perhaps never to be put away.
I think that's the first time I heard my shrink after being hospitalized for just over a month. I was always trying to keep all myself together by filing it into mini filing cabinets inside my head. Somewhere along the way I convinced myself that if I filed it, it was dealt with and the proverbial key could be thrown away never needing to open up the file again.
Problem was at some point things weren't fitting in their cabinets anymore. No matter how hard I tried to jam them in there, they weren't having it, which to me was an impossibility yet it was occurring increasing in frequency. This was the start of my decent into madness.
Until he said that It never occurred to me that it's ok to just let it be, to just let things unfold as they should, to let them hang without knowing where they were going or forcing them to go where I wanted them to go. Not only was it ok it was one of the joys of being human and really living in harmony with the rest of the planet.
I remember how terrified the concept of letting it be felt it but it pales in comparison to the feeling of freedom and massive sense of relief I felt at the same time. The life I was living had me filing almost every minute of every day for over 10 years. That was the beginning of my ascend into peace.
6. I had a room full of a dozen or so people not say anything, and it changed the course of my life.
I was working as a ground support mechanic for the US Air Force, and the particular group was my classmates. We were in technical training for some of the most advanced stuff we might encounter. It was called 7-level school, and it is the highest level of technical training the AF offers enlisted soldiers; after that its just management. We had just received a safety briefing about motorcycles because some unfortunate airman had smashed into a guardrail and launched himself a significant distance. One of my classmates idly asked, How fast would you have to be going to fly that far? I though he might want an answer, so I got out a pencil and paper and started working it out. (Continued)
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I was having trouble remembering the trig identity I needed to derive the formula, so I looked up to think it over. Everyone else in the room was staring at me like I had grown an extra head. I never did figure out the answer, but the fact that I was the only one in the room to realize it was a math problem got me thinking about my abilities. A couple years later I went to College intending to be a math teacher, but some of my professors and other students encouraged me to go further than that. Now I have completed a significant amount of graduate level mathematics, and a job that I wouldnt have without that education.
7. A counselor (speaking in reference to one of my kids, who was going through a turbulent adolescent phase):
Choose your battles. There are some battles you cannot winmusic taste, choice of friends, etc. There are some battles you MUST win-for example, illegal activities. And there are some that can go either way.
This is excellent advice for any parent, of course, but its also good advice for life in general. In fact, its pretty much a variation on the Serenity Prayer, or the popular meme Dont sweat the small stuff.
8. Excuse me, sir. Could you show me to the bathroom. - a college kid said this to me. He was on a summer internship at my company and came into my office looking for the bathroom. Sounds pretty innocent, right?
Well I was 25, graduated from college about 3 years before. I still thought I had that college swag; like I could be one of his peers. But he referred to me as sir.
Reality kicks in when you least expect it. Sometimes in the most mortifying ways.
9. Let the man through. -a random woman to her daughter, referring to me, when I was 17.
It was the first time someone referred to me as a man without irony or pre-phrasing it with the words young or little. Guess I suddenly realized I wasn't a kid anymore.
10. You should have kept your job.
I was working for a dream company. I didnt communicate well with my boss. I ended up losing the job. My wife said it was my fault and that I should have (Continued)
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done whatever it took to keep it. The boss had some kind of personal problem with me on top of the other trouble, but you know what? She was right. My pride and incompetence cost me that job. It hurt and made me angry to hear her speak that truth.
I went on to start my own company and earn millions, but I still feel like I screwed up.
11. The moment, when I was 12 years old, that a boy in my class said to me, "You're smart for a Black girl." Until that moment I hadn't experienced much racism, or at least hadn't noticed it. I couldn't understand why I felt so annoyed back then, but went home from school and lay in bed the rest of the afternoon to cry about it. It really made me understand how a lot of people perceive non-white people according to stereotypes. I began to think about why this might be a lack of representation of people of color in positions of power in many jobs, stereotypes in the media, and the way reporting has a racially bias slant. Right now I'm conducting research on internalized prejudice in the hiring process. My life was changed, all because someone gave me a back-handed compliment that opened my eyes to the world's injustice and my involvement in it.
-Anonymous
12. "I'll give you a dollar if you grab me a chocolate bar."
My older brother asked me to get him a chocolate bar one day. Sure, I thought, I didn't have much else to do. On my way to the store I fell and scraped my knee. A guy about my age helped me up and stayed with me until it stopped bleeding. We got to chatting and found out we had a lot in common. We became best friends, and eventually started dating. Been married 4 years now, all because my brother wanted an O'Henry.
-Anonymous
13. Just a friendly tip. It's obvious to me what's going on back there (pointing to the room behind me). If Im seeing it you can be sure others are as well.- A Corporal with the police department
She told me to stay as far away from you as possible because Klugman is about to be in for the surprise of his life!- the live-in boyfriend of the countys First Responders dispatcher who couldn't have possibly known my last name.
Both happened within a week of each other and were in regards to the illegal drug activity I was conducting in the back room of an auto parts store I was managing at the time. Then, I did something I thought I'd never do. (Continued)
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I became clean and sober the next day, May 20th, 1989.
14. If you have something wrong with everyone, maybe something is wrong with you.
15. Actually I over heard someone refer to me during a conversation.
Frends father : Even X scored better than you (referring to me)
I realized that being poor meant I am not supposed to score better than the rich kids in my school. From that day on I was determined to prove everyone wrong. Just last month, that old schoolmate came in for an interview at my company... to be my assistant.
16. When I was 38 I contemplated beginning a two year Associates Degree in Radiography. I was talking to a friend and had almost talked myself out of doing it. I said "I'm too old to start that. I'll be 40 when I get my degree." My friend said "If you don't do it, you'll still be 40, but without the degree." I'm nearly 60 now, and (Continued)
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that degree has been the difference between making a decent living, and struggling to get by.
17. When I was young and having what I thought was a serious relationship talk with my first real SO, I told her that I just wanted to find the right person.
Without missing a beat she said, "Everybody is looking for the right person, and nobody is trying to be the right person."
That stopped me in my tracks.
18. My mom was dying. A friend told me "you have your whole life to freak out about this-- don't do it in front of her. "
It really helped me to understand that my feelings are not always what's important. It IS possible to delay a freakout, and that skill has served me innumerable times.
19. "It's only embarrassing if you're embarrassed." Changed my life forever.
20. I met a person who was in a wheelchair. He related a story about how a person once asked if it was difficult to be confined to a wheelchair. He responded, "I'm not confined to my wheelchair - I am liberated by it. If it wasn't for my wheelchair, I would be bed-bound and never able to leave my room or house. "
Amazing perspective.
21. I'm the oldest of three kids. I'm older than my little brother by 2.5 years and my little sister by 9.5.
When I was about fourteen or so, arguing with my dad in private about something I don't remember, he, being the second-oldest of eight kids, told me: (Continued)
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"Any decision you make in this household, you make three times. Once when you make it, once when your brother makes the same decision after watching you do it, and once when your sister makes the same decision after watching you and your brother do it. How you treat your brother will tell him how he can treat your sister; and how you treat your sister tells her how she will expect to be treated for the rest of her life, even as far as her future boyfriends."
That kinda shook me up and made me rethink my role as the oldest child; I started taking my responsibilities as the role model a lot more seriously after that. Even when you aren't trying to actively influence those around you, those who look up to and respect you will still base their decisions, in part, on how they've seen you handle similar situations. If you break down and get stressed and angry when something inconvenient happens, they'll feel better doing the same when something similarly small happens to them. But if you keep your cool in a dire situation and under a lot of stress, it can inspire them to believe they can do the same.
22. "Think of a time you were embarrassed, easy right? Now think of a time someone else was embarrassed. It's a lot harder to do isn't it?" I don't really worry about being embarrassed anymore if no one but I will remember it!
23. My old boss, the CEO of a small hospital, told me a story from back when he was a lab technician (for simplicity, let's call him Dan). Dan had forgotten to check some sort of mechanism on a piece of equipment he used, it malfunctioned and broke the equipment which ended up having around a $250,000 repair bill.
The next day Dan's boss called him in to talk about it, and he was sure he was going to be fired. His boss asked him why he didn't do a proper check, made sure he understood what happened and sent him back to work. Dan asked him "Am I not getting fired? I was almost sure that's what this was about." His boss said "No way, I just spent $250,000 teaching you a lesson you'll never forget. Why would I fire you now?"
It seems silly, but that attitude always resonated with me. Don't make professional decisions based on emotional responses. Always know what your goal is when dealing with someone, and what exact problem you are trying to solve. Everyone makes mistakes, and yelling at them just makes them resent you and become defensive. Being calm and understanding will make people look up to you.
